SL: Wow.

Moozy: This has to be the most retarded thing you ever wrote. I thought Report Card was retarded.

SL: You have no idea. This is the result of not wanting to go to bed last night!

Moozy: Ah, I knew something was off.

SL: ...Read this if you dare!

A man awoke to find he was sitting in a puddle of his own blood.

"Hey! Where the heck am I?" The man yelled.

"I want to play a game…" said the menacing voice of the infamous Jigsaw.

"Wow," the man said. "That's exactly how my clichéd, overrated piece of crap Saw fan fiction started out."
"Well," said Jigsaw. "Was I in it?"

"Yeah," the man said. "You were the psycho serial killer."

"Awesome!" said Jigsaw, with some glee in his voice. "Did you pair me up with some kind of hot guy I tormented in the fic somewhere?"

"No," the man admitted.

"David," The man started. "Last week, you bought a case of fresh, crisp, delicious, bottled mountain spring water."

"Yeah, so?"

"On those bottles, it specifically said, 'Not to be sold separately.' But you peddled those bottles for three times more than they were worth. Now, you must pay."

David, ignoring Jigsaw, picked at his index finger. Various thoughts ran through his mind.

'Hmm, I think I have a hangnail…'

"DAVID! Listen to me!" said Jigsaw, growing irritated by each passing moment. Why wouldn't he scream for help? Jigsaw wondered. David was not satisfying his sick obsession with playing games with people's life.

"Now, there is only one escape route out of here. The others are traps. The only way you will find the right path is if you bake me some cookies."

"Ok," said David.

"LET ME FINISH! These cookies must be delicious, chocolate chip cookies. With exactly ten chocolate chips in each of the ten cookies. All one hundred chocolate chips are hidden in this room."

David got up, ignoring the obvious way out, a giant brick wall that was smashed. He could see several people walk by the wall.

So he looked for the chocolate chips. And so far, he had ninety-nine.

"I'm sorry David, but you ate the last chocolate chip when you were knocked out earlier."

"How? I was knocked out!"

"That doesn't matter," said Jigsaw. "Now, you must die…"

"Nooo!" screamed David, dropping to his knees.

"Your hair blond." finished Jigsaw. '

"Oh," said David. "That's not so bad. I thought you meant the actual die. The die, not the dye."

"You mean the die die?

"Yes, the real die that's not the dye, but the other die,"

"You mean the one where you die, but not your hair?"

"No, the die with the killing and such-"

"Okay, enough!" said Jigsaw, impatient. He rode out on a little bicycle, and turned his creepy little head all the way around. "You must pay." He took out some bleach.

David screamed like a girl and ran. "Wow," said David. "Look at this brick wall that I completely disregarded as an escape route!" David ran out of the room.

Jigsaw frowned. Now he didn't have anyone to play with. So he went back to his house and popped in The Notebook.

"Police! You're under arrest!" he heard at the door.

And then he was arrested and put to death.

David, however, had to undergo several months of therapy. He had suffered a very, very, severe trauma. He went on a GTA- style rampage. Then, he killed himself.

The End

Moozy: No! Stop! It burns my eyes!

SL: Ahem. Ok, that was the shortest thing I ever wrote... And undoubtedly the weirdest!

Moozy: Ok! Review! And next time, SL, try not to inhale too many drugs before you write some fan fiction.