Sho almost never remembered his dreams.

He knew that he had them. Big sis woke him up a lot, usually when he was in the middle of a nightmare. He knew how people dreamed, well how they were supposed to dream, like they were watching a movie or something. One thing happened and then another and another and another. Sho…well he knew that things must have happened in his dreams, but all he could remember were the feelings. Feeling scared, feeling trapped, feeling like he was running out of air, feeling like he was going to die, feeling his skin burning away…well he woke up. It was like his body knew that he was going to be in pain so it woke him up…kind of like a favor.

He hadn't been in pain this time.

He knew that he had been dreaming of something good…that was why he woke up so suddenly. He had been dreaming about something really good…like…like lightning but good. Not like the time when he had been shot full of lightning…the time that he had gotten his tree. No, that had been good lightning. Sho had woken up right after the feeling had been there...like…like it had been there and it had been gone…like I was…sticky? Like it was stuck to him like…pancake syrup? Like the feeling was stuck to him…well that happened sometimes. Bad feelings sometimes got stuck to him.

Those were the worst times.

Like when he would wake up from a bad dream feeling like he was drowning. Like there was cold water all around him and it was going over his head and he had to get out because it was over his mouth and then his nose and then his eyes…and it was dark…so dark…and he needed air but there wasn't any air and he was tied down…he woke up after feeling that sometimes. He woke up not being able to move or breathe, with the bad feeling sticking to him, but this…was not like that. This was a good feeling. This was the sort of feeling that made him roll over onto his stomach and close his eyes again. He had no idea what he had been dreaming about…so why not go back to sleep and get back there?

So that was what he did.

"Good morning!" shouted Mukai. Sho pulled one of his stuffed animals over his head. Of course baby sis was awake. She always woke up super early…well big sis put her to bed super early….but still. It was too damn early…or maybe he had just been up too damn late. He rolled back over again and felt his sketchbook poking him in the leg. He had been drawing in bed for a while….but to be fair he had to make sure that he only drew when his sisters were asleep. If they had woken up and seen what he had been drawing then they would have had questions. Big sis would have wanted to know why he had so many drawings of Shimazaki, and why he was naked in them, and Sho did not have an answer for her. What was he supposed to say? That he stole Minegishi's phone and found a bunch of naked pictures of Shimazaki there and now he had to draw what he saw to get it out of his head? And Mukai…well she would have a million questions that she DID NOT need answered. She was two. She didn't need to know about that stuff.

Nobody in the entire world needed to know about this stuff.

"Good morning Sho! Good morning Sho's mama! Good morning ham-hams! Good morning Cat! Good morning sun! Good morning moon! Good morning mama! Good morning Koyama! Good morning Sakurai! Good morning Matsuo! Good morning Muto! Good morning Ish…Ishi…Ishiguro! Good morning-" said Mukai. Sho rolled onto his side and looked over the edge of his bed. Baby sis was down there waving at the ceiling. She did that sometimes. She missed her old friends from the Seventh Division. He hoped that big sis didn't try and get those guys to move in with them too. They were jerks, first of all, and second of all there wasn't enough room. Even with the three, well four, of them in this house there wasn't any room. They couldn't even close the door to their room all the way anymore…but that was because of all the habitrails.

His hamsters needed their tunnels.

Mukai was getting out of bed now. If she left the tunnels alone then he was going back to sleep…but if she started messing with them then Sho was getting out of bed and stopping her. He could hear his hamsters squeaking…they were kind of afraid of Mukai. That was just because she didn't know how to be gentle with them yet. She picked them up by their fur and shouted at them and tried to carry them in her overalls. She didn't know any better, she was two, and it was his job as the big brother to stop her from doing stuff that she shouldn't have been doing.

It was big sis's job too.

"Wh…what time is it?" asked big sis. He could feel their bed shake as she got up. That was the bad thing about bunk beds, when someone moved the entire thing moved. It was fun sleeping on the top bunk though so he said nothing. He just closed his eyes and pretended to still be asleep. Big sis had this. She liked taking care of baby sis…and Sho…well he liked it too but right now he wanted to get back to whatever it was that he had been dreaming about…even though the good feelings weren't sticking to him anymore.

But his pajamas were.

He rolled over again….yup. Sticky. Sticky and…he pulled his pants away from himself. Gross…and not in the cool way like when Shimazaki cleaned out his eye sockets. This was gross in the gross way. Gross like he had rolled over and fallen asleep on a piece of candy or a pancake or a waffle or something….but he hadn't been eating in bed….and he hadn't wet the bed either. He knew what it felt like when he wet the bed and this was not that…and he hadn't done that since he'd been ten anyway. He was eleven and that was way too old to be wetting the bed….

Still embarrassing though, whatever this was.

"Ham-hams! Over there!" said baby sis. He felt the bed shake again. Maybe if he stayed very still then everyone would leave and he could get cleaned up. Maybe then nobody would notice. Big sis…well she never made fun of him…but he still didn't like it when she knew…and he hadn't even wet the bed this time! His mattress was fine, it was just his pants that were sticking to him. His mattress and his sheets and his blankets were all totally fine….well mostly. There was kind of a wet spot where he had been laying on his stomach, he could feel it, but that wasn't pee….still gross, though, and not the kind of thing that he wanted his big sister to know about….or his little sister for that matter…

This way kind of….one of those things that he was going to keep to himself.

"Mukai, no, leave the hamsters alone…and don't wake Sho. He's tired." Said big sis. He tried to see where she was with just his aura…and the best he could do was that she was in the room with him. He wasn't Shimazaki, he couldn't see the way he saw, no matter how much he tried or how useful it would have been. He hoped that big sis had taken baby sis far away from his hamsters. He hoped that she was planning on taking baby sis next door for breakfast…and he hoped that baby sis's mom went too. He didn't want any girls around him right now. He had no idea what this was but he knew that this was not the kind of thing that he wanted girls to know about.

Not that he was going to tell any guys either.

He got the feeling that this was one of those growing up things that he'd read about. Minegishi had given him a bunch of books….but he had no idea where they were. They were in a box with the word 'books' written on the side…but there were about a million boxes labeled like that and none of them were unpacked. There were dad's books and big sis's books and his books and baby sis's books and her mom's books…they needed a bigger house….or piles for everyone's stuff or…or something. He didn't really like reading but he kind of just…wanted to know what this was….and how to keep it from happening again. He got the feeling that he couldn't make this go away by watching how much water he drank before bed.

Or maybe it would be that simple. He didn't know.

"Sho! Wake up, Sho! Now!" said baby sis. He knew that he should have woken up…but then people would know…and also it was really early. He opened his eyes…not a lot of light in their room. She wouldn't have been so awake in the mornings if she went to sleep later at night…but when she was up too late she got really grumpy and he didn't like it when she got grumpy…so really he was fucked either way. Still, though, the right thing to do would have been to have gotten up and played with her or whatever.

Wasn't that what he had always wanted?

"No, Sho needs sleep…alright? Now come on, let's have breakfast. Do you want me to make you something or Shibata?" asked big sis. Sho wondered if his sister could read minds…the thought is terrifying. If she can read minds then she knew what he had been thinking about…what he had been up half the night thinking about. Shimazaki…it felt weird thinking of him as Ryou. How could he think of him as Ryou when he'd seen him naked? That was just…too much. Given names were already a lot an adding…what he had seen to that….would have been too much. Like triple chocolate poptarts. Sometimes enough was enough and too much made your mouth itch and your heart race.

His mouth wasn't itching but his heart was racing.

This was not the time or the place. He just…he shouldn't have been thinking about Shimazaki…but since he had stolen Minegsihi's phone all he could think about what Shimazaki…and just…he had no idea how he was supposed to go next door for breakfast now. If big sis and baby sis went then everyone would be expecting him…and he couldn't pretend to sleep forever. If Fukuda had been around then Sho could have just gone and hidden at his house…and asked him about all of this too. Asked him about all of the embarrassing stuff that he couldn't ask other people about. Like why his dick did that weird thing sometimes, or why he woke up all gross, or why he was still in love with Shimazaki even though he had been trying for years and years now to stop being in love with him, or why he was still in love with Ritsu even though he knew that he would never see him again….and stuff. Fukuda may have been an asshole, and a grumpy old man, and also dad's best friend, but…well he was good at this kind of stuff. He always listened and gave Sho advice…even though some of that advice was to lie…but that was more than he would have gotten if he tried to talk to anyone else about this. Big sis and baby sis's mom were girls, he didn't like Minegishi, Hatori was with dad but even if he'd been there he would have just gone and hid in the bathroom or something, Shibata would have just distracted him with food or thrown him in the air or something, and Shimazaki…if Shimazaki knew even one millionth of a billionth of a trillionth of how So felt about him then…well then Sho would have no choice but to flee the country and start over somewhere far away where Shimazaki wouldn't have liked….yeah…that was the only way. So he had nobody to talk to about this…not even dad if he'd been here. He would have rather kept this to himself for the rest of time than talk to dad about it…

There wasn't anyone around who he could take to about this….so it looked like he was keeping this to himself until the end of time.

"Breakfast time?" asked Mukai

"That's right, breakfast time. What do you want for breakfast?" asked big sis

"Pancakes! Now please and thank you." Said Mukai

"Do you want Shibata to make them or me?" asked big sis

"Shi-Shibata!" said Mukai

"Alright then, let's get dressed and brush our teeth and see if he's awake." Said big sis. Sho heard the drawers and closet door opening and shutting. He heard cloth moving and he could feel big sis's aura. He heard them walking out of the room…and he listened…and listened…and listened until he heard the bathroom door opening and closing. Now it was just him and the hamsters.

They were squeaking.

They needed their breakfast. He had bought hamster food that stuff tasted as good as it looked. Shibata had made them tiny salads and pancakes. All of it was portioned out in the fridge…and he had to get up and make them breakfast. He had to change their bedding, too, and wash out their tunnels and tanks and stuff. There were six of them and they made a mess and…and he didn't just get to lay in bed when he had people and things who depended on him. He had to get out of bed…

Even though it was sticky and gross.

Moving was worse than sitting still. When he moved he could feel the way the stickiness…stuck. His pants were stuck to the front of him…and peeling…the peeling was worse than the stickiness. He sat up and slowly climbed down the ladder from the top bunk. He got down slowly, if he jumped down like normal then the floor would shake and his hamsters would get scared. He didn't want that. He wanted them to be happy and also they would live longer if he didn't stress them. People lived longer when they weren't stressed out.

He wondered how long he would end up living for.

He didn't have anything to be stressed over…but he was still stressed. So he was all sticky and gross and in love and his insides had been replaced with goldfish…so what? Dad was gone, he didn't have to move all the time anymore, and he had his baby sis back. He should have been fine, more than fine, he should have been the happiest that he had ever been in his life. He had everything that he had ever wanted…well the stuff that he had wanted before…well before all of this. He had always wanted his baby sis back and dad gone and just…being able to have fun with his friends and his family every single day. He had that…but he still wanted more. He wanted Shimazaki to be his boyfriend…he wanted Ritsu to be his boyfriend….he really just wanted a boyfriend. He wanted to be someone's boyfriend…and for it to be ok. He wanted it all to be ok. To be able to be with Shimazaki…or Ritsu. Ritsu was…well they could be together…and Ritsu had wanted to be with him. Ritsu had wanted to kiss him….and he had kissed him…and it had been the best kiss of his life…and he could remember it like it was yesterday….

Not again.

"Guys, don't look at me right now." Said Sho. His hamsters, the ones that weren't trying to go and escape through the tunnels, were looking at him. The one with the stripe was especially interested…and he did not want to be looked at right now! He turned around and peels his pajamas off as fast as he could…so gross….gross and sticky but not pee so…so that was ok. He grabbed some clothes from his drawers and got dressed as fast as he could. He didn't know how to close the door all the way without getting rid of the tunnels his hamsters needed to get around. He had to change fast, he couldn't risk his sisters seeing him like this.

And not just because he had been all gross and stuff.

He just…was too old to be all undressed around girls and stuff. He didn't know exactly when he had become too old but he and big sis hadn't changed in the same room for a while and he didn't want to anyway. It was just…weird. Back when they'd been little they'd changed in front of each other and took baths together…but that was when they had been little. They were older now. It was like how baby sis could run around naked after taking a bath but if big sis or him did it then it would have been weird. Growing up was weird like that. Sometimes stuff was ok…and then one day it wasn't…and sometimes you went to be normal and woke up all gross and stuff….so…so the only thing that he could do was change his clothes.

So that was what he did.

He tossed his clothes over his head and into the hamper with his powers….and then he picked the hamper up with his powers too. He had to wash his clothes himself…he pulled his sheets off of his bed with his powers while he was at it. Big sis was a girl and she could not know about this. Nobody could know about this. Nobody could ever know about…well about anything. Not even his hamsters. He walked past them as fast as he could. He didn't know how he would explain this to them…or to anyone. He ran as fast as he could. Past his hamsters, out of his room, and past the bathroom. He may have been walking too fast…or maybe big sis had just been listening for him.

Either way he had to get away from her…and fast.

"Good morning Sho." said big sis as she opened the bathroom door. One of her eyes was blue, the other was normal. Baby sis leaned out of the doorway too. Both of her eyes were pink and purple. Makeup time…he was so glad that he wasn't a girl…he didn't like this new gross thing but he was still glad that he didn't have to put on makeup and stuff.

"Hi Sho! I'm pretty!" said Mukai. She pointed to her eyes and started blinking. Big sis had been putting makeup on her again. She liked it. Sho hoped that he wasn't next. He had already played the Shoko game once this year…and once was enough. He was not in the mood to get smothered in makeup right now anyway.

"You are…hey. Morning. I'm just doing some laundry and-" said Sho

"I can do that. Mukai's overalls are dirty, all of them, so I can throw some in." said big sis. She reached over for the hamper. He pulled it away. Nope. Not going to happen.

"There's not enough room." Said Sho

"Oh….you're not planning on putting all of that in one load, are you? Because that's not all going to fit." Said big sis. Sho…he knew that. He had totally known that. He knew how clothes worked and the washing machine worked. He totally knew what he was doing and he didn't need her to show him how to wash his clothes…and they didn't need to get into any of…that…so…yeah.

"I know that. I know how stuff works." Said Sho quickly.

"Sho knows. Sho knows how it works. Over there." said Mukai. She pointed at him in case big sis didn't know who she was talking about. She was smart like that. She was smart and cute and…and he wished that he didn't sometimes think that she was annoying. She was his sister and he had spent his whole life, it felt like, wishing that she was there with him all the time. He loved her…and he couldn't think that she was annoying. Big sis was never annoyed with him and he sucked.

"I'm not saying that you don't know how to do the laundry. I'm just saying that I wash clothes more often than you do-" said big sis

"Pods and then clothes." Said baby sis

"I know, Mukai, I know…but thanks for helping. Anyway I have to wash my stuff so…bye." Said Sho as he walked away as fast as he could without running. Big sis told Mukai that he wet the bed…and he hadn't…but he would gladly agree to that if it meant that he didn't have to talk about what had happened. He wasn't going to tell anyone about that…he didn't even have anyone to talk about this with…well he had people who loved him…

But his big sister could not know.

Not his big sister or…or anyone else. He…he kind of wished that Fukuda had been there. He always knew what to say…even if he said mean stuff sometimes…but he was never mean to Sho. He had never once been mean to Sho and he had always been there for him and…and he kind of wished that someone had been there for him that morning…or now…but that didn't matter. He was eleven and a half, almost twelve, and he could take care of himself.

He was old enough to take care of himself.

So that was what he was going to do. He was going to do his laundry and then have breakfast and live the rest of his life without ever mentioning this to anyone ever for as long as he lived. There. He was going to get through his day and go to bed and then get up and live the rest of his life like normal…

Hopefully without another one of those weird dreams he couldn't quite remember.