Sho wanted nothing more than to be with Shimazaki.

Not even as his boyfriend he wanted nothing more than to just…be with him. To be like they had been before. To be able to just have fun with him. Shimazaki was the coolest, most fun, best person that Sho had ever met in his life. They did fun stuff together like pet dogs and throw rocks at people and jump out and scare people and tri people…they messed with people a lot...but nobody ever got seriously hurt so it as fun. Shimazaki was the best at having fun. Even when stuff went wrong, like the time he had gotten bitten by those rats or the time the birds had pecked his head, he and Shimazaki had still had fun. Even when Sho was in pain and embarrassed and scared…things were still…good. Perfect. Things were always perfect when Shimazaki was around. Shimazaki was his most perfect person...like dad had said…but dad had been talking about some girl he expected Sho to meet when he said that. He hadn't been talking about Shimazaki…even though he was perfect. He was Sho's most perfect person.

Even if he had just ripped Sho's out and showed it to him before kicking it around like a hackey sack and then feeding it to a giant orange kaiju…a kaiju which was also an orange, not a kaiju which was the color orange.

That would have been a great movie. Like if it came here, to New York, and started stomping on some buildings but then like a giant apple fought it, since apples and oranges were mortal enemies, and then a bunch of stuff got destroyed…that would have been a great movie. Also it had to be in this city since Tokyo was always getting destroyed and that sucked. Let some other place with tall buildings get stomped on for once. This place certainly had plenty of them…but there was one specific one that Sho was looking for.

The job fell to him since he was the only one who could actually look.

"Ok, this is it. Can I go home now?" asked Sho. This was it, the Empire State Building. Shimazaki had teleported him out into the city and told him that he needed to find this specific building for some specific reason that he specifically hadn't told Sho. Sho had, specifically, told him to fuck off and let him eat breakfast but Shimazaki had, specifically, ignored him and told him to find this building, specifically.

Even though there were a million other tall buildings in this city.

"Nope." Said Shimazaki as he grabbed Sho by the arm, made sure nobody was paying any close attention to them, and then teleported to the top of this building. That had been…the upper limits of his range. Actually he had been blind, heh, faithing it a little bit. Well now they were at the top. The windy, loud, top.

Time to rain metal death upon the people below!

"What the hell?!" shouted Sho as he shoved Shimazaki away. He hated it when he did that! Seriously! He could have warned Sho before he went and teleported him to this…they were on top of the building. He was…he had never been up this high before it….was windy and…and also he got the feeling that he wasn't supposed to be up there...so maybe he should have told Shimazaki to bring him back down…

But then he would have looked like a baby.

Why did he still care what Shimazaki thought of him?! Shimazaki had…he had hurt him. Shimazaki had taken his heart and torn it out and…and it wasn't like Sho had actually thought that there was a future where he and Shimazaki could have been boyfriend and other boyfriend. Stuff like that…didn't happen. Not for him. Dad would never have let that happen and Shimazaki was in love with Minegishi…and also Sho had a girlfriend.

A girlfriend that he could never break up with.

Emmy felt the same way about him as he felt about Shimazaki. If he broke up with her then she would have felt like she hated the world and she wanted it to end. She would have hated herself and everyone else. She would have cried. She would have locked herself in her room and never come out…well that is if her mom ever put a lock on her door like she had been asking about…it didn't matter. She would have been hurt and he was not the sort of person who hurt other people like that. He never should have lied to her in the beginning and this was what he got for being a liar. Fuck Fukuda and fuck pragmatic choices but most of all fuck Shimazaki Ryou for bringing him up here when all he had wanted to do today was draw and be sad!

But most of all fuck being up this high!

"What the hell? What do you mean what the hell? Don't you know where we are?" asked Shimazaki

"The Empire State Building. I know, I'm the one who read the sign." Said Sho

"Congratulations, you now have more memory than a goldfish." Said Shimazaki. He laughed. Sho didn't…but then again Sho hadn't been in a laughing mood in a while. That was his fault…but he could fic this. He just needed something to nap him out of this, that was all. He just needed to get a good enough shock to the system and then he'd be back to normal and they could get back to their usual brand of hellraising.

A shock which Shimazaki was fully prepared to provide.

"Yeah well you're just as shiny as one." said Sho as he rubbed some glitter off of his jacket…well he tried to. All he did was spread it to his hands. He hated glitter, that was why he never used it, it got everywhere and never came off no matter what you did.

"I have no idea what shiny is." Said Shimazaki

"Well shiny is what you are since you're covered in glitter. What, were you hanging out with my sister again?" asked Sho. The thought made his guts twist like he'd just swallowed a bunch of snakes…which was a nice change of pace from the usual goldfish that lived inside of him. Even after breaking his heart Shimazaki still made his goldfish swim. Especially since it was summer and he was just in a red t-shirt…and it was tight…and his pants were his normal pants…which looked better without his coat covering that part where his pants were too short and his shirt was too short and when the wind blew the right way Sho could see his stomach…the bottom of the dragon tattoo…he was all shiny but not from glitter…no, his stomach was normal and…

…and now the snakes and the goldfish had learned to coexist.

He didn't want them to coexist. He didn't want anything to be living in his stomach at all. The goldfish should have gone away because he had been rejected and there was no point to it being in his stomach any more. The snakes shouldn't have been there in the first place since he knew that even though big sis went and hung out with Shimazaki at night that didn't mean that she liked him or that she was doing any of the stuff that girls were allowed to do with guys…even if she did wear a lot of makeup with glitter in it and she wore dresses that were all sparkly and really short…like girls wore when they liked you and they wanted you to kiss them and stuff…but his sister didn't want to do that with Shimazaki and she wasn't getting dressed up for him anyway because he was blind.

There, so the snake in his guts had no reason to be there…but it still wouldn't leave!

"No, not lately. Went to a couple places last night, woke up in someone's pajamas." Said Shimazaki

"How did you wake up with someone else's clothes on?" asked Sho

"I have no idea. I drank A LOT last night and did A LOT of coke…and it's kind of a blur. Found my coat though so I'm counting it as a win." Said Shimazaki. Truth be told he'd been trying to get out of his own head and, from what he could remember, that had been the most lukewarm sex of his life….not that Sho needed to know about that. No, the poor kid was already heartbroken. He didn't need to hear about Shimazaki's sordid affairs…but he would teach him how to mix coke and liquor. Now that was a skill, mixing the two without dying, though blacking out…Shimazaki hadn't blacked out completely and that must have mattered for something.

"I'm so happy for you." Said Sho sarcastically.

"Yeah, you're just jumping for joy aren't you?" asked Shimazaki

"Yeah, to the fucking sky." Said Sho

"While you're up there go and tell God to fuck himself." Said Shimazaki

"You do it yourself you lazy dick hole." Said Sho

"Watch your mouth you little asshole." Said Shimazaki

"Make me you…you…dick hole's dick hole!" Said Sho. He didn't care if he was being loud. He didn't care if someone heard him. Nobody was up here, there was a sign in English that said maintenance only, and none of the people below them could hear. A sign said that they were on the 103rd floor. The people down there looked like ants…and anyway he was cursing in Japanese! And also…also he was winning! He had to win! They had been having cursing matches since he'd been nine…he had to win this thing!

"What the fuck did you call me you little future cock sucker?" asked Shimazaki

"I called you a dick hole's dick hole you…you future bitch…sucker….future bitch sucker!" shouted Sho. There. He had won and this was done and now he was the best curser. He had no idea what in the hell he had said, he had just been putting words together, but Shimazaki was speechless and…and he'd won! Now Shimazaki was going to think that he was cool and he'd still want to be friends and he'd pick Sho up and-

-and that part was done now.

"…I have no follow up to that…" said Shimazaki. He was tired as fuck. He hadn't slept, at least he hadn't remembered sleeping, he had just come back to the world completely naked squished between some girl and some guy. He's managed to find his coat but had to sacrifice a good pair of pants and a shirt…and he hadn't gotten any sleep this morning either…if he had been on a normal sleep schedule then he would have won…but he could let Sho savor this victory.

It was nice to see, well sense, him smiling again…even if it was done with already.

"So I won, then." Said Sho. He took a step away…and then another…and another. He walked until his back was pressed against the railing. He could feel air going up the back of his jacket, he wondered if he could fly like a flying squirrel…he kind of wanted to. He knew how to make himself fly with telekinesis but he had never tried that while being so far off the ground.

If he fell from this high then he would die…and he even if he felt like his chest was full of snakes and goldfish where his heart used to be he still wanted to live.

"Well don't savor your victory or anything like that." Said Shimazaki as he stood beside Sho. There was something said to being up this high…and to being without his coat. The updrafts were nice and warm. The down drafts were too cold. There was too much noise up here…and it was worse right by the edge where Sho was…but since this was where Sho was then this as where he had to be.

This was part of that whole caring about people thing that he had spent his entire life trying not to do.

"I'm not savoring shit." Said Sho

"Well, yeah, that'd be weird even by my standards." Said Shimazaki

"Shut the fuck up." Said Sho

"Make me." Said Shimazaki. He waited for the hit that should have come. Sho…well he usually popped him one…but now he was just standing there leaning against the railing and looking down. Maybe he was getting older and realized that standing on the edge of a skyscraper was kind of not the best place to be fucking around…or maybe he was just getting to Toshi levels of moping….well not Toshi levels, not unless he was getting into the Xanax too…

Was he…

Nope. This was Sho. He knew better, after the think with the MDMA, not to go and eat things that came from Shimazaki's desk. No, Sho was just heartbroken. Toshi was…he had no idea what Toshi was. They didn't tell him anything, they just slept, and he had no idea how to get them out of bed. He had no idea what he was supposed to do for them…but he did know what to do for Sho.

He just had to snap Sho out of this.

"Well let me make you, in that case." Said Shimazaki as he grabbed Sho by the back of the jacket.

"Make me what…..what the fuck!?" shouted Sho. One minute Shimazaki was grabbing him by the back of the coat and the next…the next there was wind in his face. There was wind in his face and…and there wasn't any ground under his feet…and his feet…there was nothing under his feet and…and he just…HE HAD TO FLY!

He couldn't fly.

Not with his powers and not like a flying squirrel either. He reached out and…and then….and then nothing happened and….and he was going to die. He was going to die and…and he'd never….he'd never given his hamsters family names. They couldn't all be Suzuki's since they were from different litters…and…and he'd never told Dad to go suck dick in a public bathroom during golden week for five yen coins…and he'd never kicked Fukuda in the nuts like he deserved…and…and he'd never taught baby sis how to draw and…and he'd never had anyone love him back and…

And he'd never see Ritsu again.

Ritsu. That guy he had only met a couple of times…he was the person that Sho was thinking about as he died. He was going to go splat on the ground and all he could think about was the only guy who had ever liked him back…and…and how he'd been the only guy who had ever wanted to kiss him and…and how much it had been…how good it had been…how…how he was going to die without ever telling Ritsu that he loved him…and about how he was going to die a cheater…so maybe, since he was a cheater….it was ok that he was about to end up sidewalk pizza.

It was better to die young than to grow up to be like dad.

But he didn't die. He had no idea how long he had been falling for, it had felt like hours, but he knew that it hadn't. If he had been falling for hours then he would have been a spirit by now. He wasn't a spirit. He was still alive. There was the ground under his legs and the chest pressed against his back and arms wrapped around him…Shimazaki. Shimazaki had caught him…and Shimazaki had been the one to push him….to almost kill him….

First Shimazaki rips his heart out and now he tries to kill him!?

"What the hell, Ryou, what the hell?!" shouted Sho as he pushed Shimazaki's arms off of him. Shimazaki tried to hold him close but Sho…he pushed him away. He knew that being held by Shimazaki, having Shimazaki actually want to hold him, should have been a dream….but now…now he just wanted Shimazaki to get the hell away from him. He put up his barrier and shoved Shimazaki away with it before he crawled away…not very far, though, unless he felt like going over the railing again.

He didn't feel like doing that.

What he did feel like was hiding. He pulled is coat up over his head and breathed. He needed to be in a dark place. He needed to be in a quiet place. He needed to breathe. He needed to count. He needed….he needed to be ok. He had to…to be ok. He just…he took another breath…and another…and another. One, two, three…three and a quarter…three and a half….three and three quarters….he breathed in and out, in and out. He focused on his breathing, he kept his eyes closed, and he just…he didn't look. Not with his eyes and not with his aura. He felt Shimazaki sitting next to him…he felt the wind blowing up the back of his coat…and he felt the sun beating down on him….and…and he just…

He focused on his breathing.

Shimazaki didn't bother him. Shimazaki sat next to him and said nothing. That was…he wasn't going to complain. He was just going to breathe. In and out. That was…that was what he had to do. He wasn't going to hit Shimazaki so hard that he bled. He wasn't going to push Shimazaki over the side of the railing…he wouldn't die anyway since he could just teleport away….and…and Sho…he didn't want his friend to die…but his friend had wanted him to die…his best friend had just tried to kill him. What, was ripping his heart out not enough?! Was…no. No, no, no. He just…he focused on his breathing. In and out. He forced the air into his lungs until his body knew what to do on it's own. He just…he needed to be ok. He needed…he needed to…to be ok. His best friend had pushed him over the edge and…and now he was here and…and Sho felt a hand on his shoulder.

He shrugged it off.

He pulled his head out of his jacket and glared at Shimazaki. He didn't know if Shimazaki could sense that he was being glared at…or if he even knew what glaring was. Still, Sho glared at him as best as he could. He glared with his eyes and his aura. He glared as hard as he could…but he also bit his tongue. Literally. He bit his tongue to keep from saying something that he couldn't take back…what the fuck was the matter with him? His best friend had broken his heart and…and just tried to break him….and now…now Sho was worried about hurting his feelings?

Sometimes must have been wrong with him….that was the only explanation.

"What the hell was that?" asked Sho lowly. Sho tried to sound like dad, then, when someone really betrayed him. When people tried to kill him or take Claw from him or tried to steal money. This was more serious than all of that, mostly because he didn't give a dam what happened to dad. Shimazaki was his best friend and...and he'd tried to kill him…..or at least hurt him really badly.

"You needed a good shock to the system so I gave you one. Seriously. You were mopey as fuck and mopey is boring. I've already got Toshi mopey, I don't need you-WHAT THE FUCK?!" said Shimazaki. He had been right in the middle of talking about things like a normal, reasonable, and responsible adult when Sho took advantage, blatantly took advantage, of the fact that is barrier was almost done to nothing…because he had made the mistake of trusting the little bastard…and that was the last time he ever trusted Sho.

How the fuck was he supposed to trust someone who popped him in the BALLS?!

"There. Now we're even." Said Sho. He told himself that he had only hit Shimazaki because he'd just thrown him over the railing. He told himself that it had nothing to do with Shimazaki talking about Minegishi. He told himself a lot of things. He was kind of a good liar like that.

"Even…EVEN?! You hit me in the balls you little shit! What in the hell is the matter with you! You NEVER hit another guy there! Unless he's trying to shove his dick down your throat or up your ass or-" said Shimazaki

"Stop making shit up and stop being…like that! I didn't hit you that hard!" said Sho. Shimazaki was holding his balls like Sho had stabbed him with a knife tied to another knife with a harpoon gun on the end. He was just acting like that to make Sho feel bad…but what about how SHO felt?! Shimazaki had broken his heart and…and…and now he was acting like getting hit in the balls hurt! And also he'd tried to kill Sho! And also…also he just…he was still with Minegishi and he was still trying to be friends with Sho and…and he just…he was trying to make things like normal and…and Sho wanted that and…and he wanted…he wanted…

HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTED!

He just…he wanted Shimazaki to feel as bad as he did…but he also wished that nobody in the world could ever feel as bad as he did. He never wanted to feel like this ever again and…and he didn't want his best friend and the guy he loved….he shouldn't have loved…he didn't want anyone to feel like he felt and…and he wanted to feel better…but not if he had to make someone feel worse! He just….

He didn't know what he wanted. He just didn't know.

"You punched me in the balls! How in the hell is that not painful!? You little…you…who in the hell taught you that it was ok to go around hitting other guys in the balls?!" shouted Shimazaki. This was the worst pain that he had ever felt in his life. It wasn't a localized pain…it radiated upwards…and he was going to be sick. He was going to throw up…he hadn't thrown up from pain in years…not since the first time he'd ever been shot….or maybe the first time he'd tried getting a dick tattoo….or the time he'd stepped on all of those Legos Sho had left out that one time…

He turned his head to the side and threw up.

"Oh…" said Sho as Shimazaki threw up. Right. That…really did hurt. Sho had never been hit in the balls before but…well he had been in enough pain that he threw up. When the needles went in his arm and then it felt like he was on fire from the inside…and when he'd been getting shocked after the thing with the water….

He'd made Shimazaki feel that bad…worse than Shimazaki had made him feel…..but Shimazaki had tried to kill him!?

"Yeah, oh. You know something, Sho? I trusted you. I trusted you enough to let my barrier down and then you went and-" said Shimazaki

"Well I trusted you too! I trusted you and then you tried to kill me!" shouted Sho. He stood over Shimazaki while he yelled…and Shimazaki reached out and pulled him back to the ground…but at least he wasn't making him sit in the throw up.

"Listen to me and listen good. I wasn't trying to kill you. I caught you, didn't I? I was trying to shock you out of the mopey mess that you were in. I know you, Suzuki Sho, I know that when you feel something you never let it go. You're like an emotional volcano. You hold onto things until you erupt and while you're holding onto things you make…like….earthquakes or whatever…and…and I have enough to deal with as it is and I didn't want to deal with it from you, ok? I was going to scare you, we were going to make up, and then we were going to toss coins off the top of this building. Ok? That's how it was going to go but you decided to punch me in the balls…while we don't have a goddamned healer! I mean I wouldn't want him anywhere near my balls but still." Said Shimazaki as he held only Sho with one hand and his aching, probably now useless, balls with the other. That fucking…he tries to do something nice for the…he was in so much pain he couldn't even finish a sentence!

"You…you just…why would I WANT that?! I thought that I was going to die….and we're not even! Even if made you feel as bad as you made me feel-" said Sho

"As bad as I made you feel? I rejected you in the nicest way possible, I didn't hit you in the balls…and you think that I wanted to reject you!? Hurting you like that was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do! I put that shit off for YEARS! Years and years of you sitting there falling even more in love with me….do you have any idea how hard that was!?" asked Shimazaki

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to be in love with you for years?! And….and if you knew then…then….I don't know! I just…it hurts…it hurts when I think about it and it hurts when I don't…" said Sho

"Kind of like getting hit in the balls, huh?" asked Shimazaki

"I guess…I don't know. I just…it hurts so bad and…and I know that we can't be together because of my dad and…and I'm eleven…and I have a girlfriend…and I just…it was nice to just…be able to be your friend. I mean I like you a lot but…but just being your friend and being near you was nice." Said Sho

"You been taking conjugation lessons from Mukai?" asked Shimazaki

"What?" asked Sho

"You're talking in the past tense. We never stopped being friends and we never will. I don't care how you feel about me. I don't care that you want to be my husband or my boyfriend or whatever. I just care about you…ok? As a friend. You've had this crush on me for years, the only thing that's changed is that I acknowledged it. Things haven't changed aside from that…and the ball punching. No more of that. You get a pass since you're hurting but if you ever try and do this ever again I will go out and find specific ball kicking bots and I will kick you so hard that your dad's next lovechild had better be a boy." Said Shimazaki. He smiled at the end of that, mostly to put Sho at ease. He had no idea what face Sho was making, he couldn't focus on much else besides the pain radiating through his body, but he could still hear Sho's aura. He was…a hell of a lot happier than before. Thank fucking God….

"Gross….don't talk about my dad like that…" said Sho. Shimazaki let go of his shoulder. Sho knew that he could have gotten up and…well gone to the other side of this railing place…but he didn't. He just moved farther away from the throw up.

"Don't ever kick me in the balls again." said Shimazaki. He gave Sho a slight shove, just a slight on, a playful one. If he had actually wanted to kill Sho he could have easily sent him over the side…but he didn't want to do that. Why would he have ever wanted to kill Sho? That was his best friend and the closest thing that he would ever have to a son.

"I didn't kick you, I punched you." Said Sho

"Well none of that either, ok? Now help me up." Said Shimazaki

"You aren't going to throw me over the side again, are you?" asked Sho

"No, but I do have pockets full of coins which we will rain down on the good people of New York." Said Shimazaki. Sho hesitated for a moment before standing up. Shimazaki thought, for a moment, that maybe Sho was going to get up and fly away like a startled bird…or a pissed off bird…or a love sick bird…or like that big bird in the zoo that had tried to kick him in the balls…but no. Sho wasn't like any kind of bird. He was more like a dog. He helped Shimazaki up and let him pet him, too, and…and he needed a dog….but he just got his sort of son back. One thing at a time.

And now it was time to rain metal down like someone made a wish that they hadn't thought through.

"Why are we dropping coins down onto people?" asked Sho as Shimazaki stood up. He was leaning very heavily on the railing….Sho maybe shouldn't have hit him in the balls. He maybe should have listed to Fukuda…even if he had been a jerk and a liar and a baby sister stealer…well he did know about stuff like not kicking guys in the balls.

"Because, supposedly, they fall down like bullets or whatever. I don't know, it's just something that I heard about and…well it's something that I've always wanted to try." Said Shimazaki

"Why didn't you?" asked Sho

"I didn't have anyone to do this with." Said Shimazaki with a shrug. Toshi had always said that this was stupid…and also they were terrified of heights. Maybe that was why they were so down lately. They were staying in that same apartment that they'd stayed in last winter. Maybe it was too high up…and they had left a lot of their plants in Tokyo…more plants. He'd get them more plants. That would help. They loved plants and…and they loved him…and he loved them….so of course he would help them.

"….give me a coin." Said Sho. He was not blushing…it was just…the sun. He was getting sunburnt and…and no, he was blushing. That stupid part of his brain wanted him to think that Shimazaki had picked him out of everyone else in the world, including Minegishi, because he liked them the best…but no, they were just best friends, and they would never do anything like be boyfriend and boyfriend but…but that was ok…

They were best friends and that…was enough. It had to be.

Being best friends was ok. That was…what they had always been…but now it was different. Now Shimazaki knew how he felt, knew how much he loved him, knew how he wanted to hold his hand and kiss him and see what he looked like naked….but in person….Shimazaki knew all of this. He knew all of this and he wanted to be friends with Sho. He felt a coin being pressed into his hands. It was silver. He didn't know this country's money. Neither did Shimazaki. It didn't matter. Sho threw it over the side…and watched it fall…

Until he couldn't see it anymore.

"Can you tell if it hit someone?" asked Sho

"No, I lost track of it…the constant ball-pain isn't helping….but it's too small. We need something bigger like a rock or a…a microwave…or something." Said Shimazaki with a shrug. That was it? He'd been collecting coins all night…yeah…that was why he had been out…and then someone had offered him a drink…well at least the pieces were coming together. Next time he would bring Toshi, they loved to party, and if they were going to drink like a fish and get xanned out of their mind then they might as well have had some fun doing it. Yeah…he'd have fun with Toshi next…but right now he had to be with Sho. He was getting closer to being back to normal…good. Mission accomplished. Next was Toshi and then, at some point, he was going to have to work in some time for sleeping.

Yeah, he had this. He had the hell out of this.

"What the fuck are we waiting for? Let's get a microwave!" said Sho. Shimazaki was just his friend, his best friend, and that was…that was ok. That was the best that it was going to be and…and Sho was ok with that. Things were back to normal, almost, and that was what mattered. It might have even been better. He had one less secret to keep…secrets weighed you down, he decided, and not having so many…he felt lighter….like he was freefalling again…but in a good way.

Of course he felt good. He was going to throw a microwave off of a building with his best friend. It just didn't get any better than that.