No girl had ever liked Serizawa before.
He had liked girls before, back when he went to school and talked to them, but none of them had ever liked him back. Well he had never asked if the girls he liked felt the same way, that would have been much too scary, but he knew that no girl had ever liked him. He had never gotten any Valentine's Day chocolates, never had anyone leave a note in his desk, and never even had so much as held a girl's hand before. Girls didn't like him. There were better guys out there. Guys who could control their powers, guys who looked better, guys who were better at making friends, guys who were just…better at everything than he was.
Guys like Shimazaki.
Shimazaki was good looking. He was tall. He was funny. He had a lot of friends. He had a girlfriend…he had a partner. He had held hands with a girl. He'd kissed a girl. He'd done stuff that Serizawa couldn't even think about without turning red and hiding in his robe. He wished that he had his umbrella with him but it's in his room, so he can't hide from his thoughts under it, but he just…he wanted to. Now he was thinking about Shimazaki and…and how much Minegishi loved him. Serizawa had never done anything like what they did with Shimazaki before, and judging by how much they screamed Shimazaki was very good at…all of that, so he had no idea why Minegishi liked him when they had someone like Shimazaki.
Girls were a mystery to him.
Not that they were a girl! They were just…born a girl but now they were non-binary but also they had a girl's body and…and they were so pretty…not that he was looking at them! He looked away. He had just been watching them sleep because they were sick. He wasn't being weird or anything. Girls had always called him weird and creepy and…and he didn't want to be…he was just worried about his friend. He shouldn't have run away from them. They had needed him. He should have just let them kiss him and…he can't even keep his eyes opened when he thinks about it. What they wanted to do with him. No girl had ever liked him let alone wanted him to…do more than kiss…but also the last time he had talked to a girl who wasn't mom was back when he'd been twelve. Oh! Well there was Miss Suzuki but she was the same age he was when he locked himself away so she didn't count as a girl. Also she had never asked that of him and she never would because she was twelve and that would have been very weird.
Minegishi was his age.
Older, actually. Wow. An older woman….girl…non-binary person who had been born a girl…Minegishi liked him and they were older. Twenty nine. He was turning twenty eight this year so they were only a year and some months older than him…but still. They were older and…wow. That was just…wow. There was so much…just…wow. He was blushing now…well he had never stopped. He couldn't believe that someone like them…that anyone…would have wanted to do…any of that with him. No girl…no person….had ever liked him before.
He needed to stop thinking of them as a girl.
He knew that they weren't a girl, they didn't feel like either a boy or a girl, but he just…he liked girls and…and he didn't think that he would have liked it if someone who had been born a boy had tried to kiss him…and all of the other stuff. Was that ok? Was that an ok way to feel? He didn't know. If one of his friends liked him like that then didn't he have to like them back? Or maybe not because that meant that if he liked one of his friends then they were obligated to like them back. Love and kissing and…the stuff that happened afterwards….well that wasn't like chocolates! It wasn't an obligation thing and…and he just…he didn't know! They were pretty and they liked him and they had tried to kiss him and he'd run away and…
….and at least he came back.
"What the hell…" muttered Minegishi as they shifted in their spot on the couch. He sat up straight and waited. Sometimes they just said things in their sleep and moved around. Sometimes they got up to drink water. They hadn't gotten up for real…they'd missed dinner…and…and that was just because they were sick. Well he was going to take care of them. He had to.
They liked him.
"…time's it?" asked Minegishi as they sat up. The covers fell off if them. He could see their stomach…he looked away. Had they seen him looking at them!? He…should not have been looking at them…but they were so pretty and they had just tried to do…things…with him and…and if he had said yes then he could have seen a naked girl in real life! A naked person in real life…one with a really smooth stomach…and…and he could kind of see their…chest…pressed against their t-shirt…and…he pushed their water glass closer to them.
They took it and drank.
They tipped their whole head back…and he could see…he stopped looking at them. Their hair wasn't tied up anymore. He like the way it fell down their back. He even liked the one piece towards the front that was sticking up on it's own. They usually had it pinned back…he didn't know when he had first noticed it…but now he couldn't un-notice it. Now he couldn't un-notice them. They were…they were just….
Nobody had ever liked him before.
"Thanks. Now, what time is it?" asked Minegishi. Their voice was low and gravelly, more than normal. He maybe should have gotten them a bigger glass of water…but he had already used that one and he hadn't wanted to make more dishes…but in worrying about making more dishes for Shibata or Miss Suzuki to do he had been putting them ahead of Minegishi and he knew, well nobody had ever told him but he knew, that when you liked someone and they liked you best then nobody could ever be above them. That was how it worked when you had a girlfriend.
Partner.
That was the word for it, what he and Minegishi would have been…not that they were! Minegishi had a partner…well the word was boyfriend because Shimazaki was a boy. They had a boyfriend and Serizawa knew that he couldn't compete with Shimazaki. He was good looking and brave and funny and he smelled good and knew how to shave without cutting himself and he knew how to comb his hair without just making it more messy in the end and he knew how to dress so he looked good…even though he was blind…and also he was blind and Serizawa didn't want to steal Minegishi from not only his friend but also his BLIND friend. Shimazaki was capable and it was easy to forget that he was blind and all but stealing was wrong and stealing from a blind person was even worse and Serizawa didn't even think that he had a chance of stealing Minegishi and he didn't want to but they were the one who tried to kiss him and….and they had asked him if he wanted to sleep with them and….and did that mean that they wanted to leave their boyfriend or…or was it how sometimes people had affairs…but also….also they were in an open relationship with Shimazaki and that…well the whole concept made no sense to Serizawa and…and….
And this whole thing was very complicated.
"Serizawa. The time?" asked Minegishi. They were drumming their fingers against the couch. Impatient. They were impatient. They were mad at him…well of course they were mad at him. They had pretty much confessed to him and he hadn't even given them an answer. He'd just ran away and…and now they were mad and they probably didn't like him anymore or want to be his friend or-
Right. The time.
"It's seven forty five…here I mean! I can look up the time in Tokyo if you want…" said Serizawa
"Why in the hell would I want to know the time in Tokyo?" asked Minegishi
"Because you're from there…I mean we came from there….I mean um…I don't know. Sometimes I don't think and I say dumb stuff and I know that you're probably mad at me and-" said Serizawa. He had spent the past fifteen years only occasionally saying 'hi' and 'bye' to mom. They hadn't really had long conversations back when he'd been in his room. Even having her near the door had been too much sometimes. It felt like, maybe, his body was trying to make up for lost time or something. Sometimes when he talked the words just came out like throw up but less gross. Like now. He was just saying things and not thinking and he could see how annoyed they were and for some reason his stupid brain thought that he could fix that by saying more things and he didn't know when he would ever stop talking and-
"Osaka." Said Minegishi. He stared at them as his brain tried to find a response. What were they replying to? What had he even been talking about? He had to say something. They were looking at him. Come on, brain, they aren't going to like us anymore if we can't talk.
"O-Osaka?" asked Serizawa
"That's where I'm from, not Tokyo. If anyone would want to know the time in Tokyo it would be Ryou, he grew up there and he's got some attachment to it or…something. That's just how he is. Always way too…attached." Said Minegishi. They were looking down at their socks now, or maybe the floor. A bunch of white stuff had come down from the ceiling, before, when he had gotten all freaked out. He thought that he had done a good job of cleaning it up. He had missed a lot, though, a whole lot and….and now they thought…he had no idea what they thought. He had no idea what they thought or what they were thinking or what he wanted them to think…he just…he didn't know….
"Or maybe I'm just too unattached…I don't know." Said Minegishi
"I…I think that you're…that you-" said Serizawa. He didn't really think anything at all. Well he was thinking a lot but…but not about them…well not about them being unattached. No, he was thinking thoughts about them that he knew for a fact that he should not have been thinking in the first place. Thoughts like how smooth their skin was. How good they smelled. How purple their hair was. How soft their lips looked. How their t-shirt was still bunched up and pulled tight on them. How he had never let himself notice this stuff about his friend. How he never would have thought that his friend would ever have looked at him like that…how there was nothing about him worth looking at like that. How just…how just…how he didn't know….how he just…
He didn't know what to say…and they weren't even giving him a chance….so he said nothing.
"Or maybe I just fuck everything up. I'd believe that. Maybe I just…I don't know. My head is killing me. My head is absolutely killing me…or maybe I'm killing me." Said Minegishi
"Um…please don't die?" asked Serizawa. He had no idea what he was supposed to say to that. He didn't want them to die, he didn't want anyone in the world to die! Well people had to die. In a world without death there would be resource shortages like in that game he played, one of those resource management ones, and there was no way to win one of those games…and also….also life wasn't a game and….and he didn't want anyone to die, ok?!
They didn't die.
But they did reach into the pocket of their pajama pants. They pulled out that tin of mints they carried around….oh! Right! They had been sleeping all day and they probably wanted to brush their teeth and…and he had the toothbrush and the toothpaste but they had drank all the water and….and he should have thought more about them!
And not just what it would have been like to hold their hand and kiss them!
"I-I'm sorry!" said Serizawa
"What could you possibly have to be sorry about? Aside from the damage to the ceiling of course but you're not the one paying the rent so why do you care?" asked Minegishi
"I….I meant that….that I should have brought you more glasses of water…that's what I meant." Said Serizawa
"I don't need water." Said Minegishi. They took one of those rectangle mints out of their tin and…swallowed it. They didn't chew on it or suck on it…they just swallowed it. He wasn't going to question them, there was so much that he didn't know and he didn't want to look any stupider in front of them than he already had. They probably thought that he was a complete and total clueless idiot. They probably didn't want anything more to do with him. They probably…really liked those mints….
They swallowed a second on.
They swallowed a second one and then pulled out a third. They held it in their hand and sighed before putting it back….then they took it out again…and then they put it back. He watched them. He had no idea why they were doing that. He had no idea why people did a lot of the things they did. He had been away from the world for so long….and he had grown up on his own too. Adults, other adults, were kind of…weird. Complicated. He didn't understand them….and he didn't know how he could be one…but like Miss Suzuki said all he had to do was try a little harder each day. He had done so little adult stuff in his life. He'd never finished school or had a job or voted or gone on a date….or…or anything. He'd done so little…and Minegishi wanted to do so much….and he had never even thought that it could happen to him…that anyone would ever want to…and it had been so scary…but also…also kind of…exciting? Not like that…he hadn't been able to even focus on that. It had been exciting in the….in the way that it was new and…and he maybe wanted…he didn't know what he wanted.
Maybe to hold their hand…..
But they didn't. They stayed on their side of the coffee table. There were two couches facing each other. He was on one and they were on the other. They had been on the same couch, before, when they'd touched him and asked him…asked him to go to bed….but not to sleep. He put his hand over his mouth. He couldn't help it. He had been about to laugh…but it had been a nervous laugh. She had asked….they had asked…him to do things…all the things. Things that he had only seen on the internet or read about…or played in games that nobody could ever know that he knew about. He had never even seen a naked girl in real life and she had asked….and they had asked….he just…
He was glad that they weren't looking at him right now.
"Serizawa, I believe this is killing me." Said Minegishi with a laugh that didn't sound happy…or natural….or real….well of course they wouldn't be laughing for real if they were dying! If they were sick enough to…to…to…..
"You-you're that sick!? I mean we don't have Fukuda anymore but-" said Serizawa
"I'm not sick, Serizawa, I'm just stupid. I'm stupid and…and I think that I'm slowly killing myself. I don't know. I don't know what I think of myself and I don't know what to think of myself…and my head is killing me. Maybe from all this thinking….or maybe because I've been fucking my brain chemistry up all night….day….whatever. Or maybe my head just hurts from all of this thinking…thinking and not thinking. I don't know….well I do know…and I don't know." Said Minegishi
"Oh…um….ok." said Serizawa. They were still looking down at the ground. He wished that he had the power to read minds. That would have been a lot more useful than being able to explode and break things…wait…no. He didn't want to invade people's privacy like that and there was nothing more private than people's thoughts. He…he wanted to know what they were thinking….but he didn't want to start prying and looking and just…he just…
He just wanted to know what they thought of him.
They had just mentioned their boyfriend. Did that mean that they felt guilty about cheating on him with another man…hey…Serizawa was the other man! He had never even been THE man let alone the OTHER man…and he didn't WANT to be the other man! I didn't want to be the other man and…and he didn't want to break up a relationship…but he hadn't DONE anything he had just…he had just been there and…and they were the one who had kissed him! They were the one who had kissed him and touched him and…
And….and now…now…he just didn't know!
"So…" said Minegishi. They looked up at him. They held eye contact…what did that mean? They were staring at him and…and he couldn't read that look in their eyes. They looked sad and…and also there was some red on their cheeks. Like the pink stuff Miss Suzuki dusted her face with sometimes. Minegishi wasn't wearing makeup, they never wore it unless Miss Suzuki put it on them, so they were red because….oh! They were sick! Not that them being sick was a good thing! It wasn't a good thing at all! He didn't want his friend to be sick! He wanted his friend to be alright and…and he wanted his friend…just his friend…or maybe he wanted them to be more than his friend…or maybe he just wanted someone to like him as more than a friend…or maybe he just wanted to know what it felt like to…he couldn't even think about it!
Now he was red too…so now they matched.
"S-So?" asked Serizawa
"Did we fuck?" asked Minegishi. Serizawa….well he couldn't help it. He accidentally made everything fall off the table and onto the rug…the white rug….well not it had cold ramen on it…and…and he shouldn't have done that! He head the pipes in the walls groan. Miss Suzuki had been taking a shower. She had probably noticed and now she was going to come out and see what had happened and…and…and he had no idea how he was supposed to EXPLAIN this to her! Not only was she younger than him but also she was A GIRL and he wasn't going to talk to a girl about this! He just…he just…what the h-word! How could they not only ask him about that but use the…the f-word for it…where people could hear! Well Shibata was in his room….and Miss Suzuki had been in the shower…and Tsuchiya was putting Mukai to bed…and Shimazaki and Sho hadn't come home yet…and the President was with Hatori in Japan….and the cat was hiding somewhere…and the hamsters couldn't understand human speech…and spirits had always mostly left them alone…and if the neighbors could hear them then they wouldn't understand since he assumed that they weren't Japanese….but still!
They couldn't just…SAY things like that!
"Minegishi! You-you said-I mean you asked-I mean-" said Serizawa
"It's a simple, did we fuck? Yes or no?" asked Minegishi. Another yes or no question…he hadn't done well with the last one….and…and he hadn't even ANSWERED the last one! And if he hadn't answered the last one then how was he supposed to answer this one?!
Well he could tell the truth.
They hadn't done anything. They hadn't even kissed…and…and if he said 'no' then maybe that would be a no to both this yes or no question and the last one…and he didn't…he didn't know if he wanted it to be a no. He had never been liked before, he had never been anyone worth liking before, but now Minegishi was…was acting like he was someone worth liking and….and he had never done anything and…and maybe it would have been nice. It felt nice when he was all alone and…and he knew that it was supposed to be better with another person…and Minegishi was another person…and…and he just…he knew that he would freak out if it happened. The thought of them being in his bed with him letting him touch their….letting him touch them….and kiss them…and also they'd be dressed like…well obviously they wouldn't have been dressed like anything if they had been naked but….he knew that it was never going to happen. He wasn't ready and…and if it even happened then…well then he knew that he would have been bad at it, too. He wasn't Shimazaki. Shimazaki had gotten them to scream and curse and…and he knew that there was no way that he could ever make another person feel that good.
He mostly just hurt people on accident…how was he supposed to make someone feel good on purpose?
"We…didn't have…..that. We didn't do it." Said Serizawa. He could hear Miss Suzuki moving around in the bathroom. The running water, the sound of plastic things opening and closing, and…and he almost wanted her to come and save him. That was what she did after all, she saved him, she saved him from the h-word that had been his life and she saved him whenever he felt like he was going to explode…and he wanted her to save him from this awkward situation….but also he didn't because he did NOT want to have to talk about this with her…so maybe he had to save himself….but he had no idea how to save himself.
He had never saved himself before.
"Oh. Good." Said Minegishi. That was all that they had to say. Good. What was good? Was it good that…that they hadn't done that with him? Was there something wrong with him where…where nobody would ever like him like that? Or were they glad because….because if they had done that then she…then they….then Minegishi could have gotten pregnant….what?! He had known, since mom told him how it worked, that sex made babies and…and he had never put the two together in his mind before…and…and having a baby had never been something that he'd ever had to worry about…but now…but now it just…he just…just…
"I don't want to have a baby!" said Serizawa suddenly. He…maybe should have kept that in his head. They were looking at him. If they'd had an eyebrow then it would have been raised.
"I-I-I mean it's nothing against you just…just I'm not ready to have a baby and if…if I did those things with you then…then you would have had one and…and I don't want…I mean I have no idea how to take care of a baby and…and we already have Mukai and I've seen how much work it is to take care of her and-" said Serizawa
"I'm not stupid." Said Minegishi
"I-I never said that you were! I didn't mean to imply that-" said Serizawa
"I've got an IUD, first of all, and second of all you don't honestly think that I was going to have unprotected sex with you, right?" asked Minegishi. Serizawa had no idea what an IUD was but he assumed that it was something that someone hos age should have known about…and also…also he hadn't even thought about what kind of…that…they would have been having! And he knew about…about how not to have babies when you did…things. They'd told him about it at school back when he'd still gone…and he hadn't been able to so much as look at a girl for days afterwards…and he couldn't so much as look at a….well he couldn't so much as look at Minegishi now.
"I…hadn't thought about what we would…do. Sorry." said Serizawa
"No, you ran away…but that's on me. I wasn't thinking and I made you uncomfortable and…and I'm sorry." said Minegishi
"N-No, no, don't be! I mean I shouldn't have run away. I should have said…something….but I didn't know what to say and…and no girl…person! No person had ever asked me to do…anything…with them before. I mean I've never even kissed anyone and…and I'm not ready to do….things like that…and have babies and…and…and I don't even know if I want them and-" said Serizawa. He must have said the right thing because they smiled…and…and they had such a pretty smile…they were pretty. Hatori had said, before, that Minegishi really had it going on…and they did. They were so pretty when they smiled…and…he had never noticed that they had a chipped front tooth…or how their teeth were kind of yellowish but not like his had been…and still were….and their eye tooth was kind of crooked…and it was cute…they were cute…and pretty and…and…
And they liked him….and he might have liked them back….
"You're something, you know that?" asked Minegishi
"Is that…good?" asked Serizawa
"You don't want kids. That's as good as it gets right now." Said Minegishi with another one of their not quite real laughs. Serizawa…well…he had no idea if he wanted them or not. He wasn't in any position to have them. He didn't even know how to take care of himself let alone a helpless little baby…and if he lost control then…then there wouldn't be a baby anymore.
"I-I….alright." said Serizawa
"Yeah…alright…I guess." Said Minegishi
"Are…are you ok? I mean I know that you're sick…or tired…or…I mean...you've been asleep for a long time…I mean….are you alright?" said Serizawa
"I'm fine just…sorry. God, I sound like a broken record. Just…I shouldn't have put you in that position, though, that was wrong of me. You aren't ready and I wasn't thinking so…sorry." said Minegishi
"I-It's ok…really. I-I'm not upset. I just…was surprised, that's all. Nobody's ever…liked…me…before." Said Serizawa. He was still red. They weren't red anymore. How could they talk about this with a straight face? Well they talked about everything with a straight face. He liked that about them. It was like nothing was ever a big deal to them. They never got freaked out, sometimes they got mad, but mostly they were just…calm…all the time. It was nice always knowing what to expect from them…aside from when they did stuff like try and….you know….with him. That had been…a lot….
But sitting with them and talking…that was ok.
"Whoa, ok. I think that you're cute, let's go from there." said Minegishi. Serizawa felt the couch jump under him. That had been his doing…and…and he just…he was glad that he hadn't done anything worse. They didn't like him…but they thought that he was cute! No girl…no PERSON, nobody in the world, had ever thought that he was cute. Well his mom thought that he was cute, she had said, and she had called him the handsomest man in the world…but those were the things that moms were supposed to say. Serizawa…should not have gotten his hopes up that they liked him…even though they had asked him to do…a lot of things with him…and…and that was what people did when they liked each other…
But also when they just felt like it.
He had seen enough…stuff…to know that sometimes people just…did it. They just did it with each other and he had always assumed that things were different than in real life. That in life people just…had…that…because they felt like it. He wondered if those places where you paid girls to do…stuff…with you were real too…but he wasn't going to ask. He didn't know who he could even ask and…and he had other things to worry about…like…like how he could have thought that someone like them could ever have liked someone like him….
But also they wanted to sleep with him so….mixed feelings?
"You're not going to explode and kill us all, are you?" asked Minegishi
"No! I mean I can't control it like that but…but I'm getting better and…and Miss Suzuki wouldn't want me to lose control! Also I just…I'm not scared or…or shocked or…or surprised. I feel more dumb than anything else. I mean I actually thought that someone like you could have liked someone like me…but also…I guess that I'm confused. I mean…you touch-touched me and…and you acted like you liked me but you don't…and stuff." Said Serizawa
"Wanting to sleep with someone doesn't always come with feelings, you know. I think that you're cute. If dressed a little nicer, maybe cut your hair, and figured out shaving you'd be pretty damn attractive." Said Minegishi
"D-Do you mean that?" asked Serizawa. He ran a hand through his hair. Mom hadn't cut it before he left. She cut his hair once a year. It grew kind of fast and it stood up on it's own…and he had no idea how to cut it. He could barely get a comb through it. He had never been able to comb it, that was way mom had kept it short when he'd been little. He had never had to learn to cut it himself…and he had never really bene taught how to shave either…..but at least he was taking a bath almost every day now…but that didn't matter if he didn't really wear clothes...usually just pajamas….but…but someone thought that he was cute…a person thought that he was cute enough to…to more than kiss….but they didn't like him…
"That you'd probably clean up really well? Yeah, I don't lie." Said Minegishi
"I-I never meant to call you a liar…just…nobody's ever said that to me before." Said Serizawa
"Well, yeah, your best friend is a twelve year old girl and the only adult that you've had any interaction with at all is your mother." Said Minegishi
"Um…mom and I don't talk that often…actually we haven't since I left…but um….you're an adult and I talk to you…everyone but the kids is an adult and I talk to them…well of course since kids are kids…um…" said Serizawa. He didn't know what to say to that. He didn't know what to say at all. They were looking at him and…he had never noticed how pretty their eyes were. They were brown but a chocolate sort of brown…and they were so pretty even with the grey bags under their eyes…and he had them too so he couldn't judge! But he wasn't judging, he just thought that they were pretty. They were so pretty and he'd never noticed before….
And he wasn't the only one who noticed.
There was a shift in the energy around him. It felt like having someone slam right into him. That was Shimazaki teleporting….Serizawa scooted back. He scooted back away from Minegishi until he could feel the back of the couch. He could feel himself sinking right into it. He hadn't been doing anything wrong, since he hadn't done ANYTHING, but…but he felt like he had done something wrong….even though it hadn't been his idea….
Shimazaki probably wouldn't have cared.
Minegishi was the love of his life. Shimazaki had said so. He had said it, shouted it, yelled it, and even whispered it. He hadn't been lying, Minegishi was the love of his life, and he could be kind of….scary…sometimes. He had never been scary towards Serizawa….but Serizawa hadn't done anything with Minegishi…and he still hadn't….
But now he kind of…was thinking about it…not that he would ever do it!
"Fuck we already took the microwave! Um…take the canned food, and fast! Shibata's getting up!" shouted Shimazaki. Serizawa could hear him and Sho making a mess in the kitchen. He could heard things falling and…and something made of glass broke…and the floor was shaking now that Shibata was getting up…and he could hear Miss Suzuki opening the bathroom door…and it was so loud and so much was happening…
And then it was over.
As soon as the noise in the kitchen had started it was done. The energy in the room shifted again as Shimazaki and Sho went…to wherever it was that they were going. He had seen, on his phone, that people were throwing microwaves off of tall buildings…so at least he knew where the microwave went…and it didn't seem like they were doing anything good...but he couldn't say anything. He wasn't the boss of them, or anyone, and he didn't want to be. He only wanted to be the boss of himself…but he couldn't. He closed his eyes and tucked his head down low.
He took a deep breath.
The bathroom door closed and he heard what sounded like the hairdryer. She wasn't going to stick her head out and ask what was happening. She wasn't going to make him explain anything. He had no idea how he ever could have explained this to her. This was unexplainable. He didn't even understand what was happening. He just…someone liked him…but not really…but they had called him cute…and said that he could be cuter…and they wanted to...do...it…with him and…and he just…he needed space…
But he didn't have any space.
There was a hand on his back. He opened his eyes and looked up. There was a hand on his back and…that was Minegishi's hand. Minegishi's hand was on his back and…and now it was moving upwards. He could see his aura now, a lot of purple, and…and it was getting brighter. Their hand was on the back of his neck, now, and he couldn't move. He couldn't even breathe. He had forgotten how. They were there…so close…they were so close to him and…and he could smell them and…well they didn't smell that good, actually, they smelled like sweat but…well he'd smelled worse…and he could get used to this….a strange thought to have. Maybe because he wanted to be there with them for the rest of his life. Maybe he wanted to be closer to her, to them, to keep….to keep them near and…and he just…no girl had ever touched him before. No girl had ever even been able to get close enough to kiss him…but now…now there was a girl here…no, not a girl but…their skin was touching his and their skin was so soft like girl's skin was and…and they were so pretty…and they were leaning down….
He could feel their shirt.
Their shirt was pressed against him. Against his robe…which was on top of his sweatshirt…which was on top of his t-shirt…which was on top of his skin. That was almost like being skin to skin…well he had been skin to skin. He had been skin to skin with them before, when their hand had been on the back of his neck. He'd never given much thought, really, about the back of his neck. He had never known that it could have been so sensitive…how having someone's hand on the back of his neck could make him feel so…so hot and cold. All over. He was hot and cold all over and…and they were doing this to him and…and he liked it.
He liked it a lot.
"Do you want me to cut your hair for you?" asked Minegishi suddenly…well it had felt sudden to him, actually, but he had been too focused on the fact that they were touching him. His aura was showing and the couch was floating…but nothing was breaking. Maybe because he felt good. Usually he was scared or mad or something else bad….but now he felt good…
Really good.
"Um…yes? I mean…if you want to." Said Serizawa. His voice came out high, higher than it had been in years. He didn't know why they had to be so close to ask him that….but he didn't want them to go away….but he didn't want them to stay. Him being this close to them…it made him think about…stuff that he tried not to think about. Stuff that he had never even been able to think about. They didn't like him but….but they still thought that he was cute and they…they wanted to….WITH HIM!
"I do, your hair is driving me crazy." Said Minegishi
"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-" said Serizawa
"In the grand scheme of things that drive me crazy you're pretty low on the list." Said Minegishi
"Oh…um…ok…." Said Serizawa
"So if you want me to cut your hair just ask." Said Minegishi
"I-I don't want to bother you-" said Serizawa
"And if you ever want to get that first kiss out of the way then feel free to ask." Said Minegishi. Serizawa…did not break anything. He was very proud of the fact that he didn't break anything. Maybe that was because everything was already broken. He had broken plenty of things earlier and Shimazaki….well he and Sho had broken things…Shimazaki was good at breaking things…and maybe people too…and he didn't want to end up broken…or death. Life wasn't a game, he only got one life…and he hadn't done much with it but he still wanted to keep on living in case it got better…
"But…what about Shimazaki?" asked Serizawa. Something passed over them, a look in their eyes that he couldn't place.
"Fuck Ryou." Said Minegishi. Serizawa had no idea what he would have said to that if he'd had the chance to say anything. He maybe would have asked them what he meant. He maybe would have asked them if they were fighting with their boyfriend. He maybe would have even asked them why they were getting so close to him right now. He maybe wouldn't have said anything. He never would have known.
He never had the chance to see what he would have said.
Minegishi didn't give him the chance. They learned down and…and they…their lips were….kind of chapped. Their lips were chapped and…and they had eye crusts too…and also they had some black in their hair. He had never noticed these things about them. He had never been close enough to notice these things about them. He had never bene this close to any girl before.
Because he had never been kissed before.
He had never once in his life been kissed on the mouth…and now he was…and the only girl who had ever kissed him before had been his mom. She had kissed him on the cheek and the forehead…those were mom kisses. These were not mom kisses. This was like the kind of kiss they did on TV…or in games…or movies…or…or just things that he'd seen before…and…and he just…he hadn't broken anything….
But the lights went very bright…and then they went out…and he couldn't see any outside the window…
Maybe he was supposed to close his eyes. That was how it went on TV. The guy and the girl closed their eyes…well Minegishi wasn't a girl…but it was hard for him to think of them as anything else…mainly because he only liked girls…well now he liked girls and non-binary people…and…and maybe he just liked Minegishi. He was just…they were just…he was just…this…this was so…so…
Perfect.
This was perfect. He had thought about it before, when he'd been a kid. He had thought about a girl, sometimes a girl he knew and sometimes a girl from a game or a show or something, and she would sit with him in his room and kiss him…or kiss him under his desk at school…or in the tunnel on the playground he used to hide in…or behind the claw machines at the arcade he used to go to….but he had been a kid back then. He had gotten older and…well he never thought about himself. He thought about things that he had seen and read…and played…but it was never about him. He had never thought that this would ever happen for him…but now it was…
It was happening and it was perfect.
But then it was over. He had no idea how long it had gone on for, he had no idea if it would ever happen again, and he wanted it to happen again. He was breathing again…but he'd had twenty seven years of breathing behind him. He only had a few seconds or minutes or years…well not years…but he had barely kissed Minegishi. Just a few seconds…and now it was over….and now they were together in the dark….and they…they were pulling away from him…
Their hand wasn't on the back of his neck anymore.
They let go of him and now they were standing up straight. He couldn't see them that well in the dark…but he knew that they were…were going to go away. They had kissed him and…and they were going. He didn't know what came over him. Maybe this big…thing…that was inside of him now. It was good and bad, hot and cold, scary and exciting, and also…also it was making him dizzy. So dizzy. He was so dizzy but…but it was a good kind of dizzy. That was why he did it. That was why he grabbed their hand.
He was holding hands with someone!
But then he wasn't. They pulled their hand out of his…but held it between theirs. He had no idea what it meant…maybe…maybe they even…he didn't know. He wanted to think that they loved him. He wanted to think that they were going to kiss him again, hold his hand, and tell him that they…they liked him…and they wanted to go to his room and play something with him. Nothing like…the stuff that they had been talking about before. He just wanted to play two player with them…like maybe they could be a team in Double Dash…but no….they said that videogames gave them a headache….so they didn't like videogames…he didn't know if he could be in a relationship with someone who didn't like videogames…
He didn't even know how he could be in a relationship end of discussion.
"Uh….um….I….um…" said Serizawa. They were still holding his hand between theirs. He had no idea what they were thinking. He had no idea what they were thinking about him. He had no idea what he wanted them to think about him. He wanted…he wanted a lot of things. He wanted them to let him go….and he wanted them to hold his hand like…like he had always wanted to hold hands with someone…and he wanted them to kiss him again…and he wanted them to…to take it back…not that you could take a kiss back. When a kiss happened then…then it happened and there was no way to take it back…like when you spilled glitter. Glitter was forever and kisses were forever….
Forever…forever?
"Serizawa, are you ok? I mean you aren't since there's no powers…anywhere so I guess that's a no…but…stay there! I'll be right there!" said Miss Suzuki. Minegishi let go of him like he was on fire. He…didn't want to explain this to Miss Suzuki….because she was a girl. She was a girl and boys did not talk to girls about this….and also…also he couldn't help but think that he had done something wrong…even though he hadn't done anything at all.
It had all been Minegishi's idea.
"Damn it!" said Minegishi. He had no idea why they said that. Maybe they were upset because they had kissed him and not their boyfriend. Maye they were upset because Miss Suzuki interrupted them…wow! He'd been interrupted! That was…maybe that was a good thing…and maybe not. He didn't know. He almost wanted to say something bad, too, but because…well because that was what adults did and he had just done a really adult thing…he felt so grown up! He had never felt so grown up in his life!
But also alone.
Minegishi walked away. The walked into the coffee table, cursed, and then walked away. They just….walked away and…and it was like…like they just...well they had never said that they liked him. In fact they said that they didn't like him…not in the way that he liked them…and he did like them like that. He could feel it, his heart was being all 'doki doki' and….and it was like that because of them. Wow. A real person who he knew in life….wow. All the wow…so much wow…he just…it was good…but they were gone and…and it was bad….he felt bad…and good…and hot….an cold…all over….
But alone…so alone…
"Serizawa? I'm here, don't move!" said Miss Suzuki. He could feel her coming towards him. He…he wasn't alone. He had her. He had her and…and being near her always made him feel better. He had no idea how he was supposed to feel right now…he'd just had his first f-wording kiss….so he focused on Miss Suzuki. How she made him feel. Safe. Safe and…and like someone was with him…and someone was with him. She came right up to him and she held his hand…ad she told him over and over again that she was there…and she was. She was there for him…and he was grateful to have her…he was grateful to have someone in his life like her….someone who he understood….someone who understood him…
Because he didn't understand anything right now!