The night sky had always been vast. Even if it was just a projection.
Suzuki couldn't remember a time in his life when he hadn't looked up at it. The night sky, of course, they day sky had noting that interested him. While other children had been watching clouds and picking out shapes and vague pictures Suzuki had been watching the stars and picking out the planets and constellations. Picking them out and picking them apart. Like there, that was Draco. Made up of the stars Aldhibah, Alrakis, Alruba, Alsafi, Altais, Athebyne, Dziban, Edasich, Eltanin, Fafnir, Funi, Giausar, Grumium, Rastaban, Taiyi, Thuban, and Tianyi. Seventeen all together. It was named because it supposedly resembled a dragon or something. He wasn't interested in that, no, he didn't care why people had named it.
He just cared that it was there.
He'd first seen Draco, properly, when he had been fourteen years old. He and Tadashi had decided that their summer break would best be spent…well he and Tadashi had argued quite a bit as to how their summer break was best to be spent. Tadashi had wanted to lock himself in his room so he would have all the time in the world to play videogames, listen to music, and make mixtapes that nobody was going to listen to but him…and maybe Suzuki if he asked nice enough. Locking himself in his room and playing videogames all summer had looked like a good idea…but mother would never have allowed that. Also he'd gotten a new telescope for his birthday so really the only thing to do was go up north, very north, and up high, very high, to look up at the night sky.
Tadashi had been less than pleased.
Tadashi had insisted that going up to the mountains would have been a waste of time. First of all there was a perfectly good sky that they could stare at in Seasoning City, he'd said, and also the mountains were far away and hard to get to, especially since Tadashi was the only one of them with a bicycle. The final reason had been that there was no radio signal up there so they'd just be two guys sitting up there in silence staring up at the sky like a couple of morons.
Which had been perfect.
Suzuki had won that debate, of course, since he had been the President. Even when Claw had just been the two of them in a fort in the woods Suzuki had always been the one in charge. He was the more powerful one out of the two of them, though with Tadashi's powers being what they were it really wasn't much of a comparison. Apples to oranges like people said…though really it was more like apples to…rice balls…or something. Apples and oranges were still both fruits which came from trees. Apples and rice balls were both round and came from plants but one came from a tree and the other one came from the ground. Suzuki didn't know if he was the apple or the rice ball. Apples were better for you but rice balls were much more delicious. Maybe he was the apple…he couldn't imagined himself ever having an affinity for something that grew from the ground…or maybe he was the rice ball because rice balls were delicious. He didn't know. He hadn't known then and he didn't know now. All he knew was that the trip that he and Tadashi took up to the mountains, back when they had been fourteen, had been the best trip of his life.
So far.
This was proving to be…enjoyable. Enjoyable in ways that he hadn't thought that it would be. A mini-vacation, Hatori had called it, because they had been working so hard. Suzuki wasn't too sure about that, he'd worked much harder in the past, but Hatori had been the one to plan this unscheduled stopover in Osaka…and it was…turning out to be a good one.
They had a pretty good planetarium here after all.
He hadn't been to a planetarium since…he didn't even know when. Since he had been seeing Masami. Before Sho had been born. Before Sho had even been conceived. Back when he had still been courting his wife…the woman who he had married and shared several years of his life with. That was…better…well she was his wife but also…also she wasn't. She had been gone…he didn't even know how long. The children had been six and seven….now they were twelve and eleven. That was such simple math…but he didn't want to do it. He didn't want to go through the years…how many it had been…since he had last seen her. Since she had last been with him. Since he had last been able to call her his wife.
Five years.
Half a decade. That was nothing in terms of stars. No, stars lived about…well it depended on the size of the star, really. A star the size of Earth's sun could be expected to live for about ten billion yeas. A star twenty times as large could expect to live for a tenth as long. Stars burnt out fast the bigger they were. That was how it went with good things. The best things came to an end quickly…well all things had their time and all things died. The sun, the Earth, the people on the earth, him, the people around him, the people around those people, all the people really. People died, things died, that was the way of the universe. Everything had it's time and everything died.
Even marriages.
Their marriage, his and Masami's, had lived for seven years…well six years and some months. He didn't want to think about how many days and months it had been since they'd married. He didn't want to think about the day he took her hand in his and promised to cherish her like the gift she was for the rest of his life. She had made the same promise…and she had broken it. She had left him of her own volition. She had…she had just…their marriage had died. Their marriage had died in a little over half a decade. That had been it's life span.
Massive stars consumed fuel much more quickly than smaller stars.
The bigger the star was the faster it would burn its self out. That was the fact of the matter. Such a principle could easily be applied to human relationships as well. From the moment he first spoke to her he knew that she was his most perfect person. She was beautiful, of course, as all women were…but she was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen. Her hair had bene so long and soft…and her skin ahd been so soft….and her eyes had been so soft…there had just been a softness to her that he'd loved from the moment he set eyes on her. She spoke and then…well and then he was hers. She looked hi up and down and said…what had she said? He…couldn't remember exactly what she had said…but she had smiled…it had been something about not seeing a lot of redheads…and he'd said that he didn't see a lot of blonde women…then she had told him that her hair was dirty blonde…and then she told him why she as standing out there…and then she gave him her phone number and then the next thing he knew they were getting lunch and going to the planetarium.
And then one week later Sho had been conceived.
And then one month later they had been married. Nine months after that their son had been born. A year and a half later, give or take some days, he'd adopted Shigeko. She had been so perfect, the most perfect child in the world, when he'd met her. Well actually she'd been screaming for her biological family and destroying everything that she came into contact with…but that had been her perfection. The raw power that existed, that could exist, within a human being as small as her. From the moment he saw her he knew that he had to have her…and he did. Two weeks after their first meeting he'd brought her home…and the rest was…this.
Over.
Their relationship as a family had gone on for a decade. That was longer than he'd even known Masami. They'd had a decade, from the ages of two to twelve, together…and now it was over. It had been perfect but then it had burnt its self out…like a star. It had been too big, too good, too impossibly wonderful to sustain its self for very long and…no. He wasn't assigning blame where it was due. The blame was on himself. He had been the one to ruin everything. That was why he was in Osaka and she was in New York City. That was why he was sitting here under the stars with Hatori of all people and not his own daughter.
All things had their time and all things died…and he had been the one to kill his relationship with his daughter.
He didn't need to look up at the sky to feel small, impossibly small. No, he'd done that to himself. He was the one who had ruined it and…and he was the one who…he didn't want to think about this. He continued to look up at the sky, the projection of it. Maybe if he looked up at it then he would continue to feel small….but he would forget what had started it. She had called him by his given name…and said that she wasn't his father…but at least she had said something…and at least she hadn't left. No, she had sent him away and…and…
And….
"Aldhibah, Alrakis, Alruba, Alsafi, Altais, Athebyne, Dziban, Edasich, Eltanin, Fafnir, Funi, Giausar, Grumium, Rastaban, Taiyi, Thuban, and Tianyi." Muttered Suzuki
"What?" asked Hatori. Suzuki could feel him stirring, trying to get up to face him. That was the polite thing to do when you were being spoke to. You got up and faced the person who was talking. 'Touichirou, look at me while I'm speaking to you' and other such things that mother had shouted at him when he'd been young, too young to have learned all the social rules yet. Well he still didn't know all of them but he knew enough to get by.
Like no shoving.
He shoved Hatori back down with his powers. Suzuki didn't feel like being stared at right now. He didn't feel like facing anyone and speaking to them. He didn't even feel like speaking to anyone. He had been speaking to himself. He hadn't even realized that he had been doing it until the end. Maybe he had just been reminding himself of all the stars that made up Draco. It was huge after all. It was huge enough to encompass not only those seventeen stars but also the Cat's Eye Nebula. It could be seen in the projection…much better than the one in Seasoning City….though he hadn't been there since 1991. Back when he'd been a child there hadn't been any color. It had just been white pricks of light on a black screen. Now there was color…and it was beautiful. A nebula 3300 light years from earth…but so bright. Brighter in person, of course, but he did not feel like going to see it in person. He didn't feel like being anywhere but here, laying on his back and looking up at the projected sky, sitting there in absolute silence.
It didn't look like he was going to be getting what he wanted.
"Hey! What was that for?" asked Hatori
"You disturbed me." Said Suzuki
"You disturbed me first. I only asked what you saying, anyway, you didn't have to push me." Said Hatori
"Did I harm you in any way?" asked Suzuki
"No. I'm not hurt…but that did hurt." Said Hatori
"If you're not injured in any way then what are you complaining about?" asked Suzuki with a sigh. He sounded just like Tadashi. Suzuki had never understood it, why Tadashi complained when Suzuki hit him…and pushed him…and bit him…and any of the other ways that he'd corrected Fukuda physically. He could heal from pretty much everything. They had tried everything they could to permanently injure him. He'd drank all manner of household cleaners, stepped in front of countless busses and cars, jumped off the roof on a few occasions, even spent hours sitting on the microwave in an effort to get radiation poisoning.
There was no way to hurt Tadashi.
So then what had he been complaining about for all of those years? There was no point in complaining if you weren't injured like father had said. When you got hit it hut, true, but unless you needed some kind of medical attention then thee s no point in burdening everyone around you with your problems. Men didn't do that. Women could go on and on about being hurt but men were not women and therefore the rules were different. There was no point in asking why the rules were differ, or who had made those rules in the first place, because father had never tolerated backtalk like that…and to this day Suzuki had no clue what backtalk meant…so he didn't punish his own children or the people around him for that…but he wasn't above correcting people when they needed it.
Even if they were full of unnecessary complaints.
"That you pushed me." Said Hatori
"Fine, I apologize. Are you happy?" asked Suzuki. That was the best way to end it…with Tadashi, at least. Suzuki always ended up apologizing to him…or at least he had when they had been children. He was beyond such things…mostly. Hatori was still a child and he expected to be apologized to…and Suzuki didn't want to waste time fighting with him. Fights between friends were always so draining.
"Well…yeah, I guess." Said Hatori
"Good. Now leave me to my solitude." Said Suzuki. He stared up at the projection. It was going to change soon, not just rotate. When he'd been a child the projector would rotate so every side of the room could have a good view. Now the projector was in the screen…or the screen was a giant television…or something. He didn't know how it worked and he didn't care how it worked he just wanted to lay there and see the next set of constellations. Draco took up the whole ceiling but that was just because it was huge. It was huge enough to dwarf anyone sitting under it.
The real one was larger. Incomprehensibly large, actually.
"Do you want me to go?" asked Hatori. Suzuki…did not hit him. Suzuki did not hit him, he did not push him, and he did not so much as knock the glasses off of his face. What he did do, however, was disrupt the projection above them…and not instead of Draco it was a different projection of the night sky. More of the northern constellations, the one that could be seen over Japan. He wasn't sure if he had been the reason it changed or if it had just been it's time….and he would never know because Hatori was doing his best to be annoying.
"No, I want you to be quiet." Said Suzuki
"Are you sure? Because you look like you want to be alone." Said Hatori
"I don't. If I want to be alone then I will tell you if I want to be alone. Now lay down and shut up already." Said Suzuki. He hadn't been thinking, he had just spoken in anger. He wished that there had been some way, any way at all, to just…redo a portion of time. He knew that there was an undo command when it came to computers…but life was not like that. In life you had to live with the consequences of your actions.
Even when your actions were certifiably idiotic.
If a person could be certified as being insane then a person could also be certified as being idiotic. That was what he had been when he had let it slip that he wanted Hatori around. He was supposed to be better than that….but then again he was supposed to be better than a lot of things. He was supposed to be better than the need for rest…but here he was. He was laying down on his back resting like….like someone who didn't have any entire world to conquer. What was he doing here when he had so much work to do?
Being idiotic.
That was what this was. He was not only wasting time that he could have spent being productive but also….also he had told Hatori that he wanted him there. Not that he needed him there for some work related purpose, though even he couldn't think of what this had to do with work, but that he wanted him there…wanted. He should have been above that. He was a full and complete person all on his own. The only person he needed was his daughter….but that was just because…she was his daughter…and…and…
And she was all that he needed…but he didn't have her…so he didn't need anyone.
"I didn't mean that." Said Suzuki
"Wait…so you do want me to go home?" asked Hatori
"Yes…no…I don't know. Don't question me. Look up at the sky." Said Suzuki
"Ok…but I think that I'm going to make it go back to the last one. Those constellations were cool…and so was that big galaxy thing." Said Hatori
"You spotted Spindle Galaxy?" asked Suzuki. He had never seen it with his own two eyes. His telescope hadn't nearly been powerful enough…and he hadn't been able to pick it out of the projection either. It was at an odd angle, a spiral galaxy viewed from the side. If anyone could have spotted it then it should have been Hatori. Those glasses must have been good for something.
"That's what that color…botch…thing was called?" asked Hatori
"No. That was the Cat's Eye Nebula." Said Suzuki. He kept calm…even though Hatori was an idiot. An idiot who had gone and gotten his hopes up. He knew that seeing it as a projection was nothing like seeing it himself…but it was close enough...and much better than seeing it in a photograph as well…but he was not going to get upset. He had enough to get upset over that he was not going to add this to the list.
The very, very, VERY long list.
"What's a nebula? Like a galaxy?" asked Hatori
"No. It's…what are they even teaching in the schools these days?" asked Suzuki
"I don't know, I have been since I was fifteen." Said Hatori
"Oh, right, that would explain it. Alright then, a nebula is a cloud of dust, hydrogen, helium and other ionized gases. They can be bright or dark…that one was bright. It's brighter in person, of course, but we aren't going to be seeing it in person now are we?" asked Suzuki
"We could. I mean you're the President. We go wherever you want and do whatever you want to do." Said Hatori
"Not always. You're the one who chose this destination…and I have no idea why you would take us all the way back to Japan just to visit an arcade." Said Suzuki
"It's also a bar." Said Hatori
"Yes, I'm aware of that…well aware…and you shouldn't be drinking anyway." Said Suzuki. He was well aware that they had been in a bar the other day…well aware. Hatori had chosen the one arcade in the city that was part of one…and also the one arcade in the city near to where Shiori worked. Sakata. She was still Sakata to him…she had to be…even though they had been intimate if not…well…he didn't want to think of her right now.
Or how…tactile…she was when she drank.
That was the word for it, when here hands would linger on his. When her arms would wrap around his shoulders. When she would reach up and feel his hair or his eyebrows…what was people's fascination with his eyebrows? He knew that they were unfortunate…well Shiori had called them cute…and the only reason that he had turned a shade of red that she had called 'adorable in scarlet' was because…well he had been drinking…just a sip still counted as drinking…..and it wasn't like he could have feelings for her. He was married…
Even if his marriage was over…even if his wife had left…he still had this ring on his finger and gold didn't die. It was one of those things that lasted forever. That was why they made wedding rings out of it. Wishful thinking.
"Hey, I didn't get drunk!" said Hatori
"Good." Said Suzuki
"I know how to drink." Said Hatori. Well, yes, obviously. Otherwise he never would have made it past infancy. What an odd thing to say…wait…no. He hadn't meant it the way it sounded…right? Suzuki didn't really know. Shigeko would have been able to explain it to him…or Fukuda…but he was on his own now…and…and he was fine on his own. He didn't need Fukuda or Shigeko or…or anyone. He only needed himself. He was a full and complete person all on his own.
He had to be.
"Physically you know how to swallow without dying. You, however, do not know how to handle your liquor." Said Suzuki
"Well then maybe next time we meet up with Sakata-san I can practice." Said Hatori
"…she wants to see me…us. She wants to see us again?" asked Suzuki. Well that was…alright, before he had owed her an explanation as to what he was doing in her city…and he had given her one…and now there was no reason to see her again…but if she wanted to see him…it was a bad idea. That was how he had gotten into this mess in the first place. Not with her but with the last woman who had showed interest in him. The last time this had happened he'd gotten another daughter out of it.
And lost the one he had.
Shigeko…she knew what her father was and now she didn't want anything to do with him. Their relationship was over with now…she had cast him out…and there was nothing that he could do about it. He had ruined everything and…well it couldn't get any more ruined. Once something died then it was dead. There was no way to raise the dead, he'd tried, and once something was over then it was over…so it couldn't be any more over…but he couldn't. He just…
He couldn't.
"Yeah, probably. She said that she had a nice time didn't she?" asked Hatori
"That doesn't mean anything…and besides, I can't see her again. I owed her an explanation as to why I was here and then I gave her one…and now I have no reason to see her again. So I won't. So we'll just….sit here." Said Suzuki
"Alright…but I bet she'd get a kick out of this. She likes museums and stuff." Said Hatori
"How do you know that?" asked Suzuki, his eyes narrowed just a bit. That was just him being certifiably idiotic again. First of all he had no claim over Sakata. They had…enjoyed each other's company…once and that didn't mean anything. Even though…well he wanted…he didn't know what he wanted. His marriage was both over and not over. He was still married to Masami…but she had left…but he still had this ring on his finger. With enough soap he could get it off…but he didn't want it off. If the ring came off then…then that was it. The end of it all…and…and he knew that Masami was never coming back…but there was a certifiably idiotic part of him that…that maybe thought that he'd see her again.
It wasn't likely.
But he still wanted her back. He still wanted…he still wanted to walk down the street and maybe run into her…and maybe apologize even though he had no idea what it was that he was sorry for…and then she would accept his apology and then come back home with him. He wasn't going to ask her where she had been all these years, what she had been doing, why she had left, and if…if there had ever been…anyone else, because he knew that he didn't want to know…and in the case of their being someone else he already knew the answer.
There hadn't been.
He knew Masami…not as well as he had imagined since she had run away from home, but he did know her well enough to be sure that she would never have…done as he had done. She would never have been with another man…even though he had been with plenty of women. Two. Two women when he had his wife…one of those women had given him a daughter…and the other one…well there was no danger of them having children since he hadn't had actual intercourse with her…but he wanted….he still wanted to…and not just because she was attractive. He just…he has this need to beside her and…and it made him a terrible person…
It took two people to end a marriage and he was that other person.
"Because when we left she said that she'd had a great time with you and she couldn't wait to see you again. Remember? You were there, I was there, we were both there." said Hatori
"Of course I do. I remember it like it was yesterday." Said Suzuki
"It was two days ago." Said Hatori
"Yes, that's why I remember it so well. I remember just about everything…it's maddening." Said Suzuki. That wasn't an exaggeration. He had plenty of information stored in his mind, if his mind had been a computer then he would have had an entire filing cabinet for floppy disks, the only problem was accessing the information. It was like his mind was a poorly organized collection of floppy disks, unlabeled, or poorly labeled, and often not the right size for the reader he was using. He could easily recall flat facts but experiences….well those tended to be spread out over multiple disk and not placed in the right order. Some had been written over many times…so many times that he could barely read them and didn't much want to…and others were so crisp and new that they still smelled like their packaging. Like the last time he had seen Shiori.
Sakata.
It was easier if he thought of her as Sakata. It was easier if he put some distance between them…like the distance between stars. He needed to put lightyears between them, millions of light years, even entire galaxies. He needed to be like Eltanin and Thuban, two stars inhabiting the same constellation but so far apart that they would never meet. If they met then their varying gravity would have torn the two of them apart…and that was how she made him feel when she was close….like she was going to tear him apart…
That was just how women made him feel in general. She wasn't special.
"Do you remember the names of all of these stars?" asked Hatori
"What kind of a question is that? Of course I do. What we just saw was Draco and the seventeen named stars that make it up are-" said Suzuki
"ldhibah, Alrakis, Alruba, Alsafi, Altais, Athebyne, Dziban, Edasich, Eltanin, Fafnir, Funi, Giausar, Grumium, Rastaban, Taiyi, Thuban, and Tianyi." Said Hatori. He rattled them off like…well like Suzuki would have. That was…good. Impressive. If Hatori had been his son then he would have been proud of him…or if Sho had shown any interest in this at all then Suzuki would have been proud of him. But, no, Sho was who he was and there was nothing that anyone could do about it.
His son was who he was and there was no point in wishing that he'd had another one. A better one.
"Oh. You knew as well. That was unexpected. Well done Hatori, you've raised my expectations of you. If you had been my son then I would have been very proud of you. As you are not my son I am only a normal amount of proud of you." Said Suzuki
"I only remembered it because you just said it…." Said Hatori. There was something to his voice, and his aura, that Suzuki couldn't read. There was happiness to his aura…happiness and…nervousness? Suzuki didn't know. He had never been good with his own emotions let alone the emotions of others. If Fukuda had been there then he could have explained it….but he wasn't there. People were so complicated…that was what he liked about Shiori…about Sakata. She was many things but never complicated. She always said what she meant and meant what she said. She…she always made herself perfectly clear…even when he wished that she hadn't…
She wanted to see him again.
She had said that she wanted to see him again and…and he loved that. He loved how he didn't have to pace back and forth in front of the telephone debating if it was alright to call her. If she wanted to hear from him or if she wanted him out of her life forever. Women were so complicated…even Masami had been complicated…but Shiori was so easy to understand. She was also so open with how she felt and what she wanted…which was good because he had no idea what he wanted. From her…from himself…from whatever it was that they had…so he decided not to focus on himself. He decided to focus, instead, on the person next to him. That was what made sense, he decided, dealing with…talking to…the very nervous person who was always at his side. Hatori was hard to understand but…well he was pleasant, for someone who wasn't Shigeko or Fukuda, and he…well he was alright.
Better than his own son was, anyway.
"Oh. I was saying that more for myself than for your benefit…but thank you for learning something from me. None of my own children have ever showed any interest….that was…nice." Said Suzuki. Shigeko was female and enjoyed her own pursuits. Sho was…Sho. He couldn't ever imagine laying down under a projection of the night sky with him for any length of time. No, when he was near Sho he mostly just wanted to slap him across the face regardless of what the boy was saying or doing.
At least one good thing had come of being cast out of his own family…he didn't have to deal with his son anymore.
"Well they aren't hard to remember. They sound like the names of angels or something. You know, like from Evangelion." Said Hatori
"Those angels had biblical names, the stars have names from…I think Greek culture? I don't know why they're called what they're called, I just know their names. It's really not hard to remember…well maybe because I care to know their names. I can't for the life of me remember any of the names of the angels from Evangelion even though Shigeko and I watched the series, the complete series, twice." Said Suzuki. He felt Hatori's aura against his…that was odd. Usually his aura travelled through electronic devices. That was…odd…feeling Hatori's aura coming from the man himself. He sat up and faced Hatori.
Hatori was nervous.
Suzuki had no trouble reading auras. Hatori was nervous about something….but Suzuki had no idea what. Hatori was such a confusing person sometimes…but that was most people, actually. Even Tadashi was confusing…like now. He was alive, Suzuki knew that he was alive, but he hadn't made himself known. Like he was hiding. Like he was afraid…well he should have been afraid. Sho had been lying to everyone at Tadashi's behest. Tadashi was going to get hurt if he came new Suzuki. He had, before, in equal parts wanted to kill him and kiss him…
Now he mostly just wanted to kill him.
But that didn't matter. Suzuki couldn't kill him. They'd been through so much, including multiple explosions on Suzuki's part, and Tadashi had always walked away without so much as a scratch on him. Suzuki knew that even if he went all out, even if he lost control so badly that he passed out, Tadashi would still live…so really they needed to get on with it. The sooner they got on with it the sooner that things would get back to normal. Suzuki would hit him until he felt better and then things would get back to normal. Suzuki would beat him half to death, and then probably kiss him at some point afterwards because…well he didn't know why he wanted to do it just that he wanted to do it, and then things would get back to normal…close to being back to normal. Suzuki was not his father or his mother. He never drew punishments out for days and weeks. Someone did something to hurt him, he hurt them back, and then that was the end of it.
There would be no end to it…at least it felt like that sometimes.
"What's wrong? And don't say 'nothing'. I hate it when you do that. I can tell when something is bothering you and I'd rather know what it is, even if it's not anything to do with me, because it's just annoying being near someone who's bothered by something. I can see your aura and it's annoying me." Said Suzuki. He held eye contact with Hatori, that was polite, but Hatori broke eye contact with him.
"I just…you and Mob never watched the movies, right?" asked Hatori
"No, just the first one. It was just a boring rehash of the first few episodes of the show. Shigeko and I found it boring and then we watched the ice queen again. As repetitive as it is watching the same movie over and over again at least it's not a rehash of the television show." Said Suzuki. The only good rehash of a show into a movie was the first Galaxy Express movie. Evangelion had none of the whit, action, and story of Galaxy Express and anyone who worked on that show should have been ashamed of themselves. Honestly…and that ending was just incomprehensible. Young people…he would never understand young people.
Especially Hatori.
Relief flooded off of him in waves. Suzuki had no idea what he was so relieved about, unless he was relieved that he hadn't wasted his and Shigeko's time watching a series of movies that was just a rehash of a television show. Well then in that case then he should have been relieved. Shigeko's time was incredibly valuable…he had no idea what it was that she did with her time these days but he knew that her time was incredibly valuable even if she wasn't helping him run Claw…even if her help wasn't always needed….it wasn't needed now but if she wanted to offer her help….but of course she wouldn't. She had cut ties with him after all…she had even said that he wasn't her father…
She was happier without him and…and she wasn't there. Hatori was there. He was going to focus on the person who was there and not the person who wasn't…even though he just…it didn't matter.
"You didn't see the rest of it…good." Said Hatori
"What makes that good?" asked Suzuki
"Just…that…um…you guys weren't bored. Anyway…um…what's that star called? That group of them over there?" asked Hatori. Suzuki looked over to where Hatori was pointing. Oh. That was easy.
"That's a constellation. It's called Aquila. It faces Cygnus, see? We can't see it that well from our vantage point…but I don't want to get up and move. Once I have a spot I like to stay in it for a few hours at least." Said Suzuki
"Hours? There's can't be that maybe different versions of the sky." Said Hatori
"No, not at all but I don't mind. Actually I enjoy this. When Tadashi and I were young we used to spend entire afternoons at the planetarium looking up at the sky. I was the only one with any interest, of course, Tadashi just wanted to sit in the air conditioning. He actually said that this was boring, can you believe that?" asked Suzuki. Apparently Hatori couldn't. He was nervous again…well he was a nervous person. Maybe it was the big, open spaces that were making him nervous. He did like to hide. He hadn't gone and hidden anywhere in a while…so he was overdue. Suzuki hoped that he didn't insist on them heading home…well he could be there alone…but he didn't like to be alone in crowds. This wasn't a big crowd, not a crazy crush of people, but there were enough that he just…felt better having someone he knew near him.
"What? And don't say nothing." Said Suzuki
"It's really nothing. Just…uh…you told me about when you and Fukuda used to come here when you were kids…and….uh…" asked Hatori. He was putting some space between them now…good. Suzuki didn't much like to be crowded unless it was Shigeko doing the crowding. That was alright because she was his daughter and he loved her…and it was ok to be near to his daughter like that. That was the way parents and children were supposed to be…and he'd never be that close to her again…and he just…he needed her there beside him…
He moved a little closer to Hatori…just a little.
"Yes?" asked Suzuki
"Um….let's invite Sakata-san next time! I mean…uh…since you can't bring Fukuda here and this place is…one of your favorite places….and stuff." Said Hatori
"I already said-"said Suzuki
"I mean she likes hanging out with you and….uh…it's always good to make friends?" asked Hatori. Suzuki frowned. He could not follow Hatori's thought process…but that was normal. People were strange like that.
"I'm married. I can't spend time with her…you'll understand when you meet a man and marry him…or not. I have no idea how homosexual relationships work. I know that as a married man I'm not supposed to so much as speak to another woman…for obvious reasons….and I know that I was never comfortable with my wife being around other men. Even Fukuda of all people made me nervous…and I know that even if my wife had offered, not that she ever would have Masami is the most trustworthy woman in the world, he would never have betrayed me like that just like I never would have betrayed him…or you, for that matter. If you had been heterosexual or if I had been homosexual." Said Suzuki. Betrayal had never sat well with him. Loyalty was the only thing that mattered, really, loyalty and trust. If he wanted to rule the world then people would have to follow him and if he wasn't trustworthy then there was no reason at all for people to follow him.
Power only went so far.
He was the most powerful esper in the world and he could rule through force, that was how he planned on taking the world after all, but he couldn't hold the world unless people trusted him. He knew that he could be terrifying, in fact he made it his business to be terrifying, but he also made it his business to be trustworthy. In the forty five, nearing forty six, years he had been on this Earth he never went back on his word. Not once.
And, obviously, neither had Tadashi since they were what could be considered to be best friend.
"I know that you're married but…are we friends?" asked Hatori. Suzuki blinked. That was certainly…out of nowhere. Of course they were friends. Why did Hatori think that he was there with Suzuki? Suzuki always kept his best friend by his side, a habit that he'd had since childhood. He'd managed to break the habit when he'd grown up and gotten married, like father had said a man's only companion was his wife, he'd outgrown Tadashi…but then Masami had left and Suzuki…well he hadn't been at his best. Or even…well…he wasn't a fan of the person he'd become with Masami.
He needed her…even if she didn't seem to need him.
"What kind of a question is that? You know that we are…and not so loud." Said Suzuki. People couldn't know that he still had friends, that he was still so childish. Maybe this was just what came from keeping company with children. When you kept company with children then you become childish. You made stupid choices, wasted time, and did things for no other reason than the fact that they brought you joy. Terrible.
"Just…ok, I'm going to say something and I need you to promise not to hit me…because we're friends. I mean friends don't hit friends, you know, and….well you like hitting people-" said Hatori
"I do not derive any joy from causing people pain. Sometimes it's a form of stress release for me but I don't derive any kind of joy from it." Said Suzuki. He had been called, before, actually several times before he'd been called a sadist. A sadist enjoyed causing people pain. Suzuki did not enjoy causing people pain, he just caused them pain when they deserved it. Sometimes those people had also caused him an immense amount of stress, usually Sho, and he felt better after hitting them but he did not enjoy hurting others.
He wasn't a monster.
"Ok….but…don't hit me! Please!" said Hatori. Suzuki could feel people looking at him…he hated it. People had always stared at him. He had been an object of curiosity for as long as he could remember. His hair, his eyes, the freckles that showed up every summer without fail…nobody looked like him. Not when he had been growing up. These days things were different….but staring still bothered him no matter what year it was.
"Stop making a scene and just say what you feel the need to say. Come on." Said Suzuki
"Ok…um…why are you still married? I mean…if your wife isn't around then why are you married? I mean…I've never been married, obviously, but I don't get it. You have a girl that likes you and wants to be with you but you don't want to be with her because of some other girl who left you? I mean a woman who left you." asked Hatori. Suzuki, to his credit, did not hit him. He wanted to hit him, he wanted to hit him as hard as he could, but he had made a promise….and also people were watching…
Well not after the lights went out.
Suzuki didn't bring the place down over everyone's heads…and he didn't hit Hatori…but he did plunge the room into darkness. He also may have shaken the building just a little…but not as badly as he could have. Hatori was a child, he reminded himself, just a child and he didn't know what he was saying. Well he was twenty one…well he was a twenty one year old child. He was only nine years older than Shigeko. If Suzuki had met Masami a decade sooner he could have had a son Hatori's age…but he hadn't met Masami a decade earlier…he had met her…when he met her…and she was…well she was…
She was gone.
She didn't want to be with him and she was gone. He had…he knew that all things had their time and all things had to come to an end. All things died. People, planets, stars…the universe. Even intangible things like relationships. They died and…and they could be killed. It took two people to kill a relationship and…and he had done what he had done…but Masami had been gone for years! Shigeko had cast him out…and that was punishment enough! She had cats him out and…and he didn't need Masami to punish him too…but she wasn't punishing him. She wasn't punishing him because all of this had happened after she had left….years after.
He had no idea why she had gone…or where she had gone…and…and he never would….
"Sorry! I just meant…um…why are you married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you? I mean…fuck!" said Hatori. Suzuki knew that he was cursing. He knew that he hated it when Hatori cursed. He knew that he should have said something to Hatori about the constant cursing…especially if other people could hear him. There were people around….and things were being said…and Suzuki…maybe he should have listened…but he couldn't listen.
He couldn't hear anything other than Hatori's words ringing in his mind.
"What did you just say?" asked Suzuki
"I…just…I just wanted to know why you were married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you." Said Hatori. Suzuki…had no answer to that question. He…he was married because he…well because he had this ring on his finger. This ring…that came off sometimes. Enough soap could get it off…so that wasn't it. He was married because…because he had found his most perfect person and he had promised to spend his life with her….but she had made that impossible. Masami had made that impossible when she left him…so…so that wasn't it. Because they had children together? Only one of their children shared their blood…and also…well also he had Mukai now…so that wasn't a reason.
He had no answer to that question. None at all.
Why was he married to someone who didn't want to be married to him? Didn't want to be married to him. Masami didn't want to be married to him. She had left because…because she no longer wanted to be married to him. She had wanted to end their marriage…she had ended their marriage. She had left because…how could Hatori have made it sound so simple? Masami hadn't wanted to be married to him anymore so she had left and….and everything had it's time…and everything ended.
Like the universe.
The universe, which had existed above his head in a glorious show of light and color, was gone. Black. The room was plunged into darkness. That had been his doing. He had ended the universe…he had always been afraid of that. Not in this context but…well when he had been small he had worried that he could have ended the universe. All he had to do was lose control, get angry, get scared, make a mistake…and then it would have been over…but he hadn't ended it…not for real. Just this version of it…this had been his fault. Everything had it's end and he had ended this universe…
But Masami had been the one to end their marriage.
"Suzuki? Hey…fuck….I'm sorry….please don't kill me!" said Hatori. He sat up when he said that. Suzuki reached over and pushed him back down by hand. Not enough to hurt him…though his entire body tensed. His entire body and his aura….and Suzuki had no idea why. He had promised Hatori that he wasn't going to hurt him….and he kept his promises.
Unlike some people.
"Stop cursing. I'm not going to kill you. I…do not have an answer to your question…but I'm not going to kill you…or even hurt you. Be grateful that I keep my promises." Said Suzuki. Unlike Masami he knew how to keep a promise…unlike Masami his word meant something. Unlike Masami…unlike her his word was something. It mattered. When he said that he was going to do something then it happened. He had decided that he was going to rule the world so it was going to happen. He had decided that he was going to…to marry her…so they had married. When he decided that something was going to happen then…then it was going to happen…and it had happened. They had been married…but now it was over. Their marriage hadn't even lasted a decade…and now it was over.
That was no time at all.
Not compared to the lifetime to the universe. Hell, the sun had a lifespan of about ten billion years. If he compared his marriage to the sun then…well it wasn't even a drop in the bucket….and…well then that was ok. All things had their end and…and he would have his end, too, he would die one day…and he didn't want to die…so he didn't feel better and….and he just…he spun his ring on his finger. He used his powers. It was there and…and it was real but…but it meant…nothing. It was just gold. That was all. Just a band of gold…
It came off.
He slipped it off with his powers. Well…he tugged it off with his powers. He tugged it off and…and he felt naked. He wasn't naked but…without his ring…he felt…naked. Like he was missing something…incomplete….but he was complete. He was a complete person all on his own and he didn't need….he didn't need anyone else…especially not someone who didn't even want to be married to him in the first place. Especially not a woman who obviously didn't care…care for him in the way that he cared about her. He held his ring in his hand…and then slipped it into his pocket. He didn't need it…but he did need it….but he just…he kept his ring in his pocket….and then he went back to looking up at the ceiling. At the universe.
It was black…and it was vast…and he was alone in it.