Chapter 41
As Ron descended the stairs and entered the Common Room, he quickly spotted his girlfriend, who was standing with his sister by one of the many windows that looked out of Gryffindor Tower. The fact that the two girls were huddled together and the furious pace of their whispering left no doubt in his mind about what they were discussing. Oh well, he sighed to himself as he made his way across the room. At least it kept her occupied and now Ginny's up to speed.
"What happened?" Hermione asked, when she caught a flash of red hair out of the corner of her eye and looked up to see him approaching. "Where's Harry?"
"He's not coming down," Ron admitted.
"Why not," his sister demanded. "What did you do to him?"
"Nothing."
"You didn't hit him did you?" Ginny hissed, her voice low and accusatory.
"I came close."
"Oh Ron," Hermione cried before catching herself and lowering her voice again. "You didn't? "
"He deserved it," Ron snapped, as his brow knit together in irritation, "after the things he said about you."
"Me?"
"Well, about us," he corrected.
"What did you expect?" Ginny asked, looking away from her brother just long enough to glance at the staircase leading up to the boys' dorm.
"You stay away from him," Ron insisted.
"You can't tell me what to do."
"The hell I can't," he cried, taking a step to the left and positioning himself between her and the staircase as if he were afraid she might try and sprint up it.
"Ron," Hermione started to protest.
"I mean it Ginny," he continued, ignoring his girlfriend's obvious objection while remaining completely focused on his sister. "I want you to stay away from Harry. He needs time to cool down."
"I don't care what you want."
"What's wrong with Harry?" an unexpected female voice asked behind Ron's back, causing him to spin around. "Why does he need to cool off?" Parvatti continued as Ron gaped at her in shock. "Did something happen?"
"I wasn't talking to you," Ron snapped, taking all three of the girls by surprise. "So mind your own bloody business."
"RON!" Hermione cried in horror.
"You're not going to get any gossip here," he continued, "so you can sod off. Go on," he said, flapping his hands at Parvatti who was standing in front of him with her mouth open. "Go bug someone else."
"What's the matter with you?" Hermione asked in disbelief once Parvatti had turned around and wandered back over to Lavender.
"I got rid of her didn't I?" he replied, reaching down and grabbing Ginny's rucksack up off the floor.
"You didn't have to be so rude," Hermione scolded.
"Come on," Ron said, ignoring her remark and latching onto his sister's arm.
"What are you doing?" Ginny protested, when he started dragging her towards the portrait hole.
"Walking you to class."
"I'm perfectly capable of getting to class on my own, thank you very much."
"Uh huh," Ron said, tightening his grip when Ginny tried to shrug him off. "You're also capable of finding your way up to the boys' dorm, so let's go."
"Let go of me you prat."
"If you don't come with us I'll have no choice but to skive off my classes so I can sit here and guard the stairs," Ron warned as he released his sister. "Your choice. Of course Hermione won't like that and as it will be your fault..."
"It's not my fault you're an overprotective git?"
"You're in the same boat we are, you know?" Ron retorted. "He's been mulling this over all night. Do you think he hasn't figured out that you knew and didn't tell him? If you go up there now, he'll go off on you the same way he did on me and all that will do is make the situation worse. He isn't going to listen to what you have to say. Not now anyway. Just give him a chance to cool off first."
"We can't just leave him up there all day by himself," Hermione objected.
"Yeah, we can."
"Ron," she cried in shock.
"What?"
"How can you say something like that?" Hermione asked. "He's your best friend."
"So?" he replied. "That doesn't mean I have to put up with him every time he wants to be a sullen prat."
"But it's our fault."
"I know," Ron admitted. "And I already apologized for it. If he wants to sit up there and sulk, let him."
"We can't," Hermione protested. "Don't you see, that's part of the problem. He's afraid that we won't be there for him the same way we used to be now that things have changed."
"That's a load of rubbish and he knows it."
"But if we leave him up there..."
"Why don't you let me copy your homework?" Ron asked, cutting her off midstream.
"What?" Ginny said, goggling at her brother in disbelief. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Why won't you let me copy you?" he persisted. "Is it because I won't learn anything on my own if I do? Or maybe it's because you know that I'll slack off even more and become dependent on you to do all the hard stuff for me."
"A little too late to be worried about that, isn't it?" Ginny muttered under her breath.
"If you go up there now Hermione, it'll be like doing Harry's homework for him. If you come running every time he pitches a fit, he'll just keep doing it."
"But...it's not the same thing," Hermione objected. "He needs to know that he can still count on us."
"He does. Just like I know I can ask you to help me with my homework. You're the one that is always telling me there is a difference between helping someone and doing it for them. I explained it all to him and apologized. Whether he accepts my apology or not, is up to him. But this isn't something you can do for him, he has to sort it out on his own."
"What if he can't?"
"Can't or won't?" Ron asked. "I don't know," he admitted with a sigh. "If he really can't then I suppose we'll have to figure out a way to help him. But as inflexible as he is, I'd say it's more likely that he won't try. We better go," he said when the silence started to become awkward. It wasn't that he really wanted to go to class, he simply didn't want to talk about this particular subject anymore. "You coming?" Ron asked his sister as he gently pushed Hermione towards the portrait hole.
"Yeah," she replied, taking one last look at the staircase before following them. You've got until lunch to straighten yourself out Potter. If you're not down by then I'm coming up to get you.
....................
To Ron it seemed as if their morning lessons would drag on forever. Of course it didn't help that they had Charms first thing because the bedlam that went along with practicing their spells afforded Parvatti a perfect opportunity to discuss what she'd overheard with Lavender, who immediately turned to Seamus to see if he knew anything they didn't. It didn't take long for them to drag Neville into the conversation as well and soon all four of the Gryffindors were taking it in turns to glance in Ron's direction.
The situation improved a bit when they moved on to their Transfiguration lesson. Even Parvatti and Lavender knew better than to continue whispering when McGonagall was trying to explain how they should go about conjuring toothpicks out of thin air. And as understanding the theory behind conjuring was much easier than the actual conjuring itself, the entire class, with the possible exception of Hermione, who produced a flawless toothpick on her fourth try, was too preoccupied with what they were doing to think about gossip.
Unfortunately, things took a definite turn for the worst when lunch rolled around. As soon as Ron and Hermione entered the Great Hall it became evident that Parvatti's story had spread to the other houses. The Gryffindors weren't the only ones whispering and shooting odd looks in his direction now. Various students from the other tables had joined in as well, including Malfoy, who made no effort whatsoever to hide his smirk as he pointed at Ron and sniggered.
"Just ignore them," Hermione whispered sympathetically as she picked at the plate of food set in front of her. "It'll blow over in a couple days."
Easier said than done, Ron thought, deciding that the best course of action he could take would be to keep his head down and eat as quickly as possible.
"You're going to choke if you don't slow down," Hermione said, watching him with mounting disgust as he continued to shovel food into his mouth.
"No, I'm not," he protested after forcing it all down with a half a glass of pumpkin juice.
"Well, stop it anyway. You're making me sick."
"Then don't watch," he replied as he took another heaping spoon full of mashed potatoes and crammed them into his mouth.
"Oh for heaven sake," Hermione groaned, shaking her head sorrowfully. "If you keep that up you'll have everyone in the room staring at you soon. You need to learn how to tune them out."
"How do you do that?" Ron asked, looking up with genuine interest. People had been stealing glances at her and whispering behind her back ever since she set foot on the Hogwarts Express and it never seemed to faze her. He'd heard some of the rumors that had circulated around the school about her abduction and how she'd managed to escape. Frankly most of them were so outlandish that he didn't see how anyone in their right mind could possibly believe them.
"Do what?"
"Just ignore it all like that? How can it not bother you?"
"Practice," Hermione replied dispassionately. "Why should I care what those idiots think?" she asked, dropping her voice even though they were seated at the end of the table and were a good distance away from everyone else. "I'm not going to waste my breath trying to reason with people that can't form their own opinions without conferring with someone else first. The fact that they actually believe those ludicrous stories just proves that they're mindless twits and not worth my time. So why is it that it bothers you so much? Why do you care what those kind of people think? "
"I don't know," Ron muttered, dropping his eyes down to his nearly empty plate. "It just does."
"It shouldn't. They're not worth..."
"So are the rumors about Potter and your sister true, Weasel? Did you really catch them..."
"Shove off, Malfoy," Ron growled, as he pushed his plate away and jumped to his feet in order to confront the blond Slytherin who had snuck up behind him. It didn't matter that his thuggish friends flanked him. If Malfoy wanted to get into it this morning, Ron would happily oblige him.
"Don't," Hermione hissed as she stood up herself and latched onto his arm just in case she needed to hold him back.
"What's the matter?" Malfoy asked with a smug look of satisfaction, "Afraid you'll land yourself another detention."
"One more word about my sister and you'll see first hand just how afraid I am."
"Come on," Hermione said, tugging on Ron's arm in an attempt to get him to follow her. "Let's go."
"You're pathetic, you know that Weasley?" Draco laughed when Ron gave in and allow Hermione to drag him towards the door. "It's disgraceful the way you let that Mudblood tell you what to do."
"Don't! You! Dare!" Hermione growled in warning when Ron froze in mid step and reached for his wand. "You're the one that made me promise I wouldn't provoke Lucius Malfoy," she whispered. "What good is that promise going to be if you allow his son to provoke you? Don't you give him what he wants. Just ignore it."
It took every ounce of strength Ron had to let go of his wand and start walking again, but somehow he managed to do it. It helped that he was slightly afraid of what Hermione would do to him if he failed to heed her advice. The tone of voice she'd used when she hissed her warning left no doubt in his mind about her intentions. If she had to curse him to keep him out of trouble that is precisely what she'd do.
"Off to search for your sister?" Draco cried with glee as he watched Ron and Hermione retreat. "Finally noticed that she didn't showed up for lunch, did you? So much for her staying away from Potter. Apparently she doesn't want things to 'cool off '."
"Damn it, Ginny," Ron muttered under his breath as they cleared the double doors and found themselves in the Entrance Hall. "Come on," he said, urging Hermione to increase her pace as they mounted the stairs and he all but dragged her back up to Gryffindor Tower.
....................
If the rumbling in Harry's stomach was any indication, it had to be close to noon. Of course looking at his watch would have been a more effective means of determining the time, but that required too much effort and he was perfectly comfortable laying there flat on his back. He didn't want to move so he estimated the passage of time by his hunger pangs instead. Not that it really mattered all that much. He knew that he still had a few hours left before the afternoon classes would end and his roommates would return and interrupt his solitude. He didn't have to get up and find a new place to hide just yet.
Not much had changed since he'd climbed back into bed that morning and tried to block the world out by drawing the curtains around himself. He could hold back the morning sunlight, but not his feelings. The guilt was still there gnawing away at him. As was the pain of knowing that Ron's accusations weren't completely groundless. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he knew the truth.
You really haven't been a very good friend lately, the little voice he'd been trying to ignore all day insisted. You're moody and short with them, not to mention withdrawn. You are the one that has been pushing them away and now you're actually worried that they might just give you the space that you wanted. Only it isn't what you really wanted, is it? Well, if that happens you've got no one to blame but yourself.
Except I'm not the one that lied, Harry argued with himself. They should have told me, but they didn't. In fact, they went out of their way to hide it from me. That's as good as a lie, he maintained, preferring the anger and resentment that went along with being deceived to the guilt that accompanied self-reflection.
You knew this would happen eventually. You've always known on some level, haven't you? You knew it was just a matter of time before they figured it out themselves and acted on their feelings. Don't pretend this has taken you completely by surprise.
But it wasn't supposed to happen now.
Because it is inconvenient for you?
That's not the point. The problem isn't that they are together, it's that fact they tried to hide it from me. They deceived me on purpose. And it isn't just their relationship they're hiding. There are other things as well, like that whole mess with the Boggart.
Hermione explained that, the little voice insisted. She didn't want to burden you with her problems.
Is that really the reason though? Maybe she just didn't want to admit that I'm a shitty friend.
Or maybe she didn't want you to know what her biggest fear was because if it does happen, you'll blame yourself. Not just for his death, but for what it will do to her.
Yeah, well, it would be my fault, wouldn't it? Just like what happened to her was my fault. Look what this has done to her. She's so freaked out by the mere thought that she has to sneak in here in the middle of the night just to make sure he's still alive. What happened really messed her up and I had no idea, because I didn't ask. Ron's right. I should have asked. I should have been there for her. I know how Hermione is. She isn't like me, she wants to talk about every little thing that happens. Of course she wanted to talk about it. I should have realized that. I should have been there for her.
The guilt that Harry had been trying to mask with hurt feelings and anger unexpectedly clawed its way to the surface and was back in full force.
But you were so wrapped up in yourself that it never even occurred to you that she might need you to comfort her for a change, the little voice reminded him.
I'm not the one she wanted. I'm not the one she'd turn to. Even if I had been there, she still would have gone to Ron. He's the one she wants. He's the one she needs.
That's an excuse and you know it. She'd turn to him first because he's the one that's always been there when she needs someone to lean on. He's the one that takes care of her and that's the way you wanted it to be, isn't it? You're uncomfortable with crying girls and feelings so you hang back and let him deal with it. And now that you're feeling left out, you're trying to blame them for getting closer when you're the one that pushed them together in the first place. You know Ron's crazy about her and you tried to use that against him. You couldn't be angry at him for loving her and taking care of her so you twisted it all around and accused him of using her. You wanted him to get angry and fight back so you could validate what you were feeling. But you aren't really angry with them, are you?
They lied to me, Harry answered himself, falling back on the same excuse he'd been trying to use all day.
They are your best friends. Don't you want them to be happy? They deserve it and you knew this was going to happen eventually, so why are you so upset?
Because it wasn't supposed to happen now, he admitted to himself. It's not the right time.
You mean it isn't the right time for you, the little voice insisted, but it is the right time for them or they wouldn't be together. You just don't like the fact that there is something going on between them that you can't be a part of. You feel left out and you're afraid you're going to loose them.
I am losing them.
You've tried to push them away before and it never worked, what makes you think it suddenly going to happen now?
Things will be different now. Ron's taking care of her...
...and you're afraid he won't be there to take care of you anymore. You're afraid when push comes to shove he'll choose her over you.
Why shouldn't he? What do I have to offer that can compare to that? I'm the one that led them into that trap last summer. I nearly got them all killed. They're my best friends and I've turned them into targets. That's what I have to offer. They'd be better off without me anyway.
"Harry? Can I come in?" Ginny asked, as she slipped into the room and ended his ruminations.
"Go away."
"Not until I've had a chance to explain things to you."
"Don't bother," Harry snapped from behind the thick red curtains hiding him from view. "It won't change the fact that everyone I know has been lying to me."
"There is a difference between lying to someone and not volunteering information."
"Codswallop," Harry shouted as he sat up and turned to face the direction her voice had come from. "You went out of your way to hide the truth from me. That's lying."
Damn you, Ron! Ginny swore to herself as she realized that her brother had actually been right for once. Harry didn't want an explanation, he wanted someone to blame. Well it's not going to be me, she decided, altering her strategy.
"And you've never hidden the truth about anything, right?" she asked, going on the defensive. "You didn't look your friends in the eye and tell them a bald face lie when they asked you about that prophecy last year? I didn't realize you were such a hypocrite when I agreed to keep that secret for you."
"That's not the same thing," Harry argued.
"No it's not," Ginny shot back, angry that she'd landed herself in this predicament."Ron and Hermione were trying to do what they thought was best for you. Their intentions were right, even if their methods were a little questionable. Do you think it was easy for them? Do you think they wanted to hold themselves back and pretend all the time? They did it for you, because they know that you don't deal with change very well. They didn't want to upset you."
"Well it's a little late for that now, isn't it?"
"This self-righteous crap you're trying to pull isn't going to work on me," Ginny snapped as she realized arguing with him was just as pointless as her explanations were. "If you want to lie in bed all day and feel wronged," she said as she marched over to the door, "go ahead. Just remember, you're keeping secrets too. The difference is that we were trying to protect you; you're trying to protect yourself."
"It's nice to know you and your brother both think I'm self absorbed," Harry cried as he wrenched the drapery back, only to find his dorm room empty. "At least he called me selfish to my face," he yelled at his open door.
....................
"You don't know that she's up there," Hermione said to Ron as he ushered her through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Yeah, right," he replied, halting beside her.
"Well you don't. She could be down in the kitchen asking Dobby to bring him something to eat for all you know."
"Expect she's not," Ron shot back, pointing towards the staircase his sister was storming down. "You just couldn't leave it alone, could you?" he shouted at Ginny, earning himself a contemptuous glare. "You just had to go up there and push him? Let me guess, he threw you out, right?"
"Sod off you great prat," Ginny snarled as she grabbed her rucksack up off the floor where she'd left it and trudged past him to get through the portrait hole.
"This is just bloody great."
"Don't swear."
"I was right though," he said, ignoring Hermione's reprimand.
"I wouldn't get used to that if I were you."
"But you admit I was right."
"I didn't say that."
"Yes, you did."
"Actually you said it. Twice."
"But you agreed."
"I didn't disagree."
"Hermione," Ron groaned.
"Yes?"
"I was right."
"If you say so."
"Come on," he said, grabbing her hand and dragging her back into the hallway they'd just come from.
"You are not going to follow your sister so you can finish telling her off," Hermione declared as she stopped walking abruptly .
"Of course not."
"Then where are we going?"
"To the kitchen," Ron said, giving her hand a light tug to get her moving again.
"But you just ate," she exclaimed while following after him.
"Harry didn't," he reminded her, "And it was your idea to talk to Dobby. Only ... don't mention spew or they're liable to chuck us out before I can find him."
"It's S.P.E.W, not spew and you know it."
"You wouldn't have that problem if you'd called it the Elf Liberation Front," Ron muttered, "At least those initials spell out a word that actually makes sense. Don't go mentioning that either, because we'll still wind up being tossed out on our ears. In fact, maybe you ought to wait out in the hall when we get there."
"I will not."
"Fine, you can come in then, but you have to promise you won't use the words 'wages' or 'free' around Winky. In fact, don't use them at all. If you get me banned from the kitchen I may never forgive you."
"HA-HA!" Hermione said sarcastically.
"I'm not kidding," Ron said with a lopsided smile that belied his words. "If you upset the house elves, I'll side with them throw you out myself."
....................
Hermione had it all worked out in her head well before her Arithmancy class let out and she made her way back to the Common Room. She knew that she wouldn't have to worry about Ron, because he was down on the pitch helping his sister practice for the upcoming Quidditch tryouts. The only thing that was liable to drive him off the field now, besides the Slytherin team showing up to mock him, was hunger, which meant she ought to have at least an hour to accomplish her task.
Of course things very rarely work out exactly the way you plan them, which is why Hermione had spent the past 45 minutes, coming up with contingency plans to fall back on rather than listening to Professor Vector's lesson.
Knowing that she didn't have any time to waste, she dropped her book bag in the Common Room as soon as she cleared the portrait hole and headed straight for Harry's dorm room.
"Er...," Neville sputtered, as he opened the door she'd just knocked on. "Um... Ron told me to tell you to ... ah."
"Leave Harry alone," Seamus called from somewhere inside the room.
"Er... sorry," Neville said, glancing down at his feet uncomfortably.
"He's not here anyway," Seamus shouted from behind the barely opened door. "He was gone when we got back from Care of Magical Creatures."
"Then you won't mind if I come in and check for myself?" Hermione said to Neville, who was standing her way.
"Not at all," Seamus replied, coming up behind him and throwing the door open for her to enter. "And as long as you're here, you wouldn't be chance happen to know what Ron and Harry are fighting about, would you?"
Hermione arched one eyebrow and gave him a condescending look as she entered the room, but that was the only answer he got to his question.
"I don't suppose there is any chance you'll tell us?" he continued. "No?" he said, when Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh well, it was worth a shot," Seamus mumbled, shrugging his shoulders in defeat. "As you can see," he said, pointing at Harry's empty bed, "he's not here."
"It doesn't really matter," Hermione replied. "All I really wanted was my Transfiguration notes," she said, walking over to his trunk, popping the lid, and stooping down to rummage through it. "If you see Harry before I do, will you tell him that I took them back?" she asked, waving the folded piece of parchment she'd retrieved at the two boys, before turning around and retreating. "Thanks," she called back over her shoulder once she'd made it safely into the hallway.
....................
"He just had to find the highest place in Hogwarts to hide, didn't he?" Hermione mumbled, forcing herself to scale the last four steps that stood between her and the doorway leading to the Astronomy Tower. And in broad daylight, she groaned to herself. If I didn't know better, I'd swear Ron told him I didn't like heights and he came up here on purpose. This wasn't one of your contingencies, was it? Well you're here now so suck it up. He's not going to put you off that easy, she told herself as she pushed open the door and marched onto the vast platform.
"I know you're here," she said, glancing down at the parchment in her hand and then over at one of the walls, where the dot labeled Harry Potter was standing. "The next time you want to hide, it would probably be a good idea to take this with you," Hermione said, as she pulled her wand from the inside pocket of her robes and pointed it at the Marauder's Map. "Mischief managed," she muttered, as she approached Harry and held the map out for him to take.
"I'm not in the mood for another lecture," his disembodied voice stated.
"What about some company?" Hermione asked.
What the hell? Harry thought as he stared at his friend warily. It definitely wasn't the kind of response he'd anticipated. It was so unexpected and so un-Hermione-like that he honestly had no idea how to respond. Is she trying to tick me or something? he wondered.
"How did you get this back?" Hermione asked, as she reached out and pulled the invisibility cloak off Harry's head. "I left it in my dorm room this morning."
"Summoning Charm," Harry replied, allowing the cloak to fall down and pool around his feet.
"Oh well, that explains it."
"How'd you get my map?"
"I took it from your trunk," she replied candidly. "I fed Seamus and Neville a story about it being my Transfiguration notes just so you know."
"So," Harry said, as he dragged his eyes away from the bushy haired girl standing in front of him and locked them on the Quidditch pitch, "you waited until Ron was distracted and then slipped off to find me?"
"More or less," Hermione admitted.
"And?"
"And what?"
"Just say whatever it is you want to say and get it over with," Harry replied, steeling himself against the inevitable.
"As shocking as it may seem, I didn't come up here to lecture you," Hermione informed him. "I just thought you might like some company."
"Yeah, right."
"Ok, so I don't really understand this whole suffer in silence thing you two do," Hermione admitted as she dropped the Marauder's Map and leaned against the wall beside Harry. "It makes no sense whatsoever, but that's beside the point. I might not like it, but I think I know how to deal with it now. I had plenty of practice with Ron over the summer. Getting him to talk about something that is bothering him is like pulling teeth. It took me a while, but I finally realize that he'd open up when he was ready and until then all he really wanted was for me to sit there with him while he worked it all out in his head. I figure you two are a lot a like in that respect, so here I am. I'm not going to pester you about it. You don't even have to talk if you don't want to. It's fine. I'll just stand here with you so you'll know that you aren't alone, even though you might feel like you are."
Harry had no idea what to say back, so he took her advice and remained silent. Not only was he shocked by her unprecedented behavior, he was touched as well. He knew that she had to be itching to talk about it herself. She probably spent half the day coming up with logical explanations, he reflected. It was inconceivable that she'd just stand there quietly and not try and use them, but that's exactly what she did. The longer the silence lasted, the more certain he became that she really meant what she said. She was actually going to stand there with him and say nothing just because they were friends. That's when the guilt set it. It came crashing down on him so hard and so fast, he thought he might actually choke on it this time.
"We started conjuring today," she said out of the blue after roughly ten minutes of silence had passed. "It was a really good lesson. None of the others managed to produce a toothpick though," she said rather smugly. "You can read my notes later and I'll help you with it over the weekend if you like so you don't fall behind."
"We have Quidditch tryouts on Saturday," Harry answered, praying that she wouldn't be able to hear what he was feeling in his voice.
"Which explains why chose this particular spot," she replied as they both stared out at the impromptu game taking place on the pitch. "Trying to scope out the competition are you?"
"Something like that," Harry mumbled. "We could see better if we used the telescopes."
"No, that's ok," Hermione said uncomfortably. "I can see fine from here, but you go ahead," she said, sliding down the wall and sitting with her knees crossed on the ground as Harry approached the closest telescope.
"You still bicker," he said after a few minutes of silence. "With Ron, I mean," he added, still watching the game.
"Oh," Hermione replied, with a guilty smile. "I don't think that's something that is liable to change."
"But you're happy?" Harry asked. "I mean, he's treating you right and looking out for you and everything?"
"He's been amazing."
"I'm sorry I wasn't ...you know, there for you and all."
"Oh Harry," Hermione cried, as she rose to her feet again. "You shouldn't feel bad about that. You had more than enough to deal with. The last thing you needed was me blubbering on your shoulder."
"What about what you needed?" he asked, abandoning the telescope and turning to face her instead.
"I got what I needed."
"From Ron."
"I know you think what happened was your fault," Hermione said. "But it wasn't. I knew what I was getting myself into when I grabbed that portkey. I chose to do it."
"You never would have been in that situation if it wasn't for me," Harry said miserably.
"Bellatrix Lestrange tried to use the killing curse on me," Hermione stated bluntly.
This is what Ron was talking about, Harry groaned to himself as he gaped at her in horror. Frankly he didn't know what was worse, knowing that they'd tried to kill her or the fact she was so detached that she could just blurt it out as if she were talking about someone else.
"I did goad her into it," Hermione continued, "but that's beside the point. The point is that she would have done it if Voldemort hadn't stopped her. Our friendship is what saved me."
Whoa. Wait a minute, his mind screamed. "What?"
"He wanted me alive because I'm important to you," she explained. "If we weren't friends I probably would have ended up just like Dean and Colin and all the others he killed this summer. It isn't because of you, Harry. I'm a target because I'm Muggle-born. And Ron is a target too. Not just because he's friends with you, but because of who he is and what he believes in. His entire family is in the Order," she continued, "and even if they weren't, sooner or later they'd still be targeted because of all the animosity that exists between them and the Malfoys. Even if we'd never met you Harry, we'd still be caught up in the middle of this war. I don't regret being close to you, and neither does Ron. We're stronger together than we could ever be apart. I know that doesn't make all that much sense right now, but it's the truth."
"You have something planned don't you?"
"What?" Hermione cried in surprise. "What makes you think that?"
"Just something Ron mentioned about things you two couldn't tell me until I mastered Occlumency. He told me I should ask you about it."
"Did he now?"
"I guess that means he didn't warn you."
"It's just something I've been working on," Hermione muttered uncomfortably. "Something I've been researching for a while. There are still some kinks to work out and even then, I can't be certain it will work. But on the off chance that it will..."
"You don't want Voldemort finding out through me."
"I'm sorry Harry."
"Me too," he sighed, repulsed by the mere thought of all the groveling he'd have to do to Snape if he wanted to start up his lessons again. "What about that partition thing you do?" he asked. "Think you could teach me how to do that?"
"I don't see why not," she replied. "I'd have to research it first. Figure out exactly what it is and how I do it. I should probably do that anyway," she signed. "But I don't think it will be enough. Professor Dumbledore told me that it is possible to break through partitions. I'm sorry. I know that's not what you wanted to hear."
"So I have to grovel to Snape?"
"I'd finish reading that book I gave you first. Who knows, you might be able to work it out on your own."
Life is never that easy, Harry thought as he gazed down at the grounds. "Looks like practice is over," he said, pointing at the small group of students making their way back to the castle with their brooms slung over their shoulders.
"Is that your subtle way of asking me to leave you alone?"
"Ron told you not to come after me, didn't he?"
"What Ron says and what I choose to do are two completely different things," Hermione said with a soft chuckle. "Are you coming down for dinner?" she asked as she started to walk towards the door.
"No."
"You're going to have to talk to him eventually."
"I know."
"We have rounds tonight," Hermione reminded him. "At nine. So if you get hungry and want to go down to the kitchen or something, it won't be a problem."
"It never is," Harry replied, pointing at the invisibility cloak lying in a heap by the wall.
"Mind if I borrow this?" Hermione asked, stooping over and picking the Marauder's map up off the ground. "It'll help with our rounds."
"Fred and George might try and repossess it," Harry said with a small smile.
"I won't tell if you don't. Although it might be worth it just to see the look on their faces. It's all right if you don't want me to," she said when Harry became sober again.
"Naw, it's okay."
"I'll have Ron put it back before he goes to bed," Hermione said as she reached out and opened the door. "I'll see you tomorrow morning then," she added, letting him know that she wasn't going to allow him to skive off any more classes.
"Right," he muttered, leaning back against the wall as she disappeared through the doorway.