Chinese food was best eaten out of the container.
Suzuki had been eating out of a lot of containers lately. Neither he nor Hatori liked to do dishes, or could even do them well, so there was that. Also the containers were pretty much their own plates. It made no sense to take something out of a perfectly good container, put it on a plate, and then end up washing that plate later on. It was extra work, it was inefficient, and it was a waste of his time…and his time was precious. Besides, Chinese food tasted better out of the container. Specifically three meat low mein with ketchup. He didn't know why it tasted better, it just did, and he was not alone in this opinion. Hatori thought so too.
As did Shiori.
"I can't believe this…" muttered Shiori as she dig her chopsticks into her takeout box. She was frowning…and attempted to stab through the bottom of the container. Maybe she was upset because she had gotten sauce all down the front of her shirt. Not that it detracted from her beauty, of course, he couldn't imagine anything that could. She looked sort of like Masami, like a dark haired version of Masami…but also better…and he could think so.
He wasn't Masami's husband anymore. He didn't have to think that she was the most beautiful woman who ever lived anymore.
He could think whatever he wanted about her…or maybe nothing at all. He wished that he knew how to think nothing at all about her. Trying not to think about her just made him think about her more…which made no sense since their lives were no longer linked in any way. They hadn't lived together in years, she'd abandoned their children, and he'd taken off his ring. There was also the matter of how he had ended their legal union a well. In the eyes of the law Masami was a free woman. She had no obligation to him and he didn't have one to her. He had no obligation to her what so ever. He was a free man just as much as she was a free woman.
And he was free to watch television and eat Chinese food out of the container with a woman if he wanted to.
"Are you upset about your shirt?" asked Suzuki
"What's wrong with my…damn it!" said Shiori. She tried to best to brush with off with her hand despite the fact that it was a liquid and had already sunk into the fibers. He didn't understand what she was so upset about but then again woman and clothing had always confused him. He'd discovered one suit that he looked good in and that was what he had been wearing for the past fifteen or so years. He had some sleep clothes now, as efficient as it was to sleep dressed for the next day it wasn't the most comfortable, but he knew that if he ruined some of those clothes he could always get more…
Well aside from the shirt Shigeko had gotten him.
No, a gift from her was something sacred. She wanted nothing to do with him anymore and…and he had to hang on to whatever memory he had of her…but he also didn't want to think of her. Not now. Masami didn't haunt him anymore, he couldn't feel her eyes on him, he didn't expect her to suddenly appear and tell him that he was disrespecting their marriage. She had been gone for some time now…Shigeko's loss, on the other hand, was still too new…too raw. He wondered what she would have thought of him if she….
He didn't even want to finish the thought.
"Here." Said Suzuki as he dipped a napkin in his water glass and passed it to her telekinetically. She caught it with her own telekinesis. A flutter, fi that was the world for it, rippled across his heart…or the area of around it. He wasn't entirely sure what that feeling was. It was good. There was…a lot there. He didn't meet a lot of telekinetic women…well he didn't meet a lot of women in general, but female espers were so rare that he could count the number that he'd met, powerful ones, on one hand and still have room to spare.
And that was if he counted his daughter…daughters…though it might have been too early to tell with his youngest…with Mi-cha…with Mukai.
"Thanks…damn it. This was my favorite shirt." Said Shiori. The sound of pap escaping across cloth filled the room. It almost drowned out the television. Some program that she followed about people finding love on a bus…and also hating each other. It was like one of Masami's costume dramas but with less costumes and more drama. He wasn't the biggest fan…but Masami….but SHIORI, liked this and he liked whatever she liked.
That was what it was to love someone after all.
"Because of the starfish?" asked Suzuki. He figured that it was because of the starfish. Her entire home was like being under the sea but also…in a jungle she had some plants, not as many as Minegishi but quite a few, and somewhere in this jungle was a cat…though he tried not to think about that…or the fur that clung to him,
"Yeah, and the memory…never mind. It's fine. I have a whole drawer full of t-shirts." Said Shiori as she pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it over the back of the couch. She wasn't topless, she had on an undershirt…or maybe it was just a top without sleeves…he really had no idea…and he wasn't going to ask. He wasn't even going to look. He was going to look…down at his food.
It needed more ketchup.
"You." Said Shiori
"Me?" asked Suzuki
"Yes, you." Said Shiori
"What about me?" asked Suzuki. He swallowed…and he swallowed again…and again. He swallowed again for a fourth time even though he had nothing left to swallow. What? What had he done? What had he…what he had said or…or was it because he had looked at her? It had only been for a split second, just long enough to notice the fact that she was less than fully dressed, but was that enough to upset her? Was she even upset? Or was this one of those things that…that was incomprehensible? Was she going to tell him that she was fine but then they would sit in icy silence for the rest of the night? He…had never been good at dealing with that.
"You're cute, that's all." said Shiori. He looked up at her, at her face, she was smiling at him. He didn't smile back, he looked away. He had been told, before, that he had a very off putting smile…and he didn't want to hear that from her. It had been had enough hearing it from Masami…though he didn't think that he'd ruined their wedding photos…and even if he had it didn't matter anymore. He was divorced from her. Their marriage was gone and their wedding was irrelevant and…and he was not going to think about that or about her. He was going to think about the woman in front of him. The woman who wanted to be with him.
Maybe as much as he wanted to be with her.
"Thank…thank you." Said Suzuki. That was…a compliment. She thought that he was cute. That was a word which could be used to describe just about everything. A baby could be cute. A kitten could be cute. A handbag could be cute. A forty five year old man could be cute…he was cute. He'd been called cute before. Mother had been fond of putting him in the most ridiculous outfits…the worst…and she'd said that he was cute…but this was different. This was like how women, well girls at the time, had told him that he was cute.
'Suzuki's cute and all but I wouldn't go out with him.'
"And now you've just crossed the line between cute and adorable." Said Shiori
"Is that…a good thing?" asked Suzuki
"Of course it is. I wouldn't have you any other way…and you didn't fill that whole thing of chow mein with ketchup, did you?" asked Shiori
"Yes?" asked Suzuki. He had asked her, before, if the way he preferred to eat his food was alright. She had said that it was. She had said that he could eat his food in whatever manner he chose to eat it with whatever condiments he chose to eat it with…but maybe he was being strange again. Masami had called it stomach turning, before, during their first meal in. Their first meal as husband and wife. She had made him miso eggplant, which in his opinion was strange in and of its self, and she had scrunched up her nose and stuck out her tongue when he put ketchup on it.
Ketchup was for fries, omelets, and hamburgers only.
He knew, intellectually, that he could do whatever he wanted to do. He was Suzuki Touichirou after all. He answered to no one…but he…also did. He answered to whatever woman was in his life. Masami, Shigeko, and now Shiori. It was just easier. He didn't get to where he was in life without deferring to the expert in whatever situation he felt totally and completely lost in.
Like this one.
"Damn. I was going to steal some of your pork. I've got about three measly pieces here. The menu said galaxy of pork. Three slices of pork is hardly a galaxy. I'm right, right? I mean if any of us know how much pork could fit in a galaxy it would be you." Said Shiori
"Um…galaxy is comprised of about one hundred thousand million stars so-" said Suzuki
"So a hell of a lot more than three measly pieces of pork." Said Shiori
"Yes…a lot more…but you can have mine if you want…and I'm sorry about the ketchup. You said that it was alright and-" said Suzuki
"You can do whatever you want with your food. I'm not your mother and I don't want to be." Said Shiori
"That would be strange…especially since I'm so much older than you." Said Suzuki. He didn't know what he said, only that it made her laugh, and that…had not been his intention…but he had never been able to fully understand the reason why people were laughing. He didn't laugh very often, and when he did he had been told that it was VERY off putting, but when he did it was because of something that he found funny…and nobody else did.
People were strange…or maybe he was the strange one.
"What's funny?" asked Suzuki
"You're only forty five. You're five years older than me but you're talking like an old man." Said Shiori
"Well five years is…half a decade. That's a considerable amount of time…though maybe not at our ages. I apologize." Said Suzuki
"No, no, don't apologize. You're adorable…and five years isn't that much. It's not like I'm some twenty something giggling in your lap." Said Shiori. Suzuki was not fond of that mental image. Twenty something…now THAT was too young. That was Hatori's age…and Hatori was young enough to be his son. Unpleasant. Why would he have wanted to be with someone young enough to be his child? Not to mention that people in their twenties were…insufferable. Annoying. Downright strange sometimes, too.
Not pleasant. Not at all.
"Ok, what's that face?" asked Shiori
"What?" asked Suzuki
"That face you're making. What is that?" asked Shiori
"I was making a face? I apologize, I wasn't aware." Said Suzuki
"Don't apologize, it was cute. Like you bit into a lemon seed or something. I don't blame you. The thought of being with a twenty something…no way. Even an early thirty something is just…way too young for me. They're just so…" said Shiori
"Unpleasant?" asked Suzuki
"Well I was going to say annoying and weird but, yeah, they can be pretty damn unpleasant too. It's like, when did 'sup' become a conversation starter?" asked Shiori
"I hate that contraction as well. Just say 'what's up' like a normal person. I doubt that they have so little time that they can't say the entire phrase." Said Suzuki
"I know! And what's their obsession with games? So many conversations….I have spent so many conversations trying to steer the topic away from games. It's like their favorite pastime or something." Said Shiori
"Oh." Said Suzuki. That…was his and Hatori's favorite pastime. Well it made sense for Hatori, he was still little more than a child, but Suzuki…well he was almost fifty. He should have put aside such childish things the moment he had stopped being a child….and he had…but then he'd had children. Shigeko liked games and he liked what Shigeko liked…and Hatori liked games and he was very good company. Still, Suzuki…he needed to focus more on reaching his goals and less on the little things that broke up the monotony of work.
"Hey, hey, I didn't mean anything by that…so stop with the long face…actually aura." Said Shiori
"Right…my aura gives me away." said Suzuki. He could have been a world champion poker player if he'd wanted to, Fukuda had said, but he didn't care for gambling. Not even pachinko. It was pointless to leave things up to fate…and also he had more to offer the world than just a stone face.
"Yeah, it does, but that doesn't matter." said Shiori
"But you just said-" said Suzuki
"It's cute on you, liking games…and I didn't even know you liked videogames that much. I mean you came here specifically for the arcade…or rather your little friend did…and I'm going to choose to believe that…but if you're the one who wanted to come here specifically for the arcade then I'll consider that yet another thing that makes you completely adorable in my eyes." Said Shiori. There she went again, that word, adorable. It meant that same as cute…and these were terms of endearment. He knew that he should have been happy with these terms of endearment, he should have been happy that she wanted to spend time with him end of discussion, but it was difficult to be happy when there was so much that he just….didn't….know.
Like where he stood with her.
He knew where he sat with her, on this couch, but he…well he was a free man now and she wasn't seeing anyone…but she had also expressed her displeasure at the idea of getting back into a relationship. She had also expressed her displeasure with him for leaving her the way that he had. Whether she truly did not want to get into a relationship or if she just did not want to get into a relationship with him was unknown…and he didn't want to know. He didn't want to ask and he didn't want to know.
He enjoyed what this was…and if he ruined it by asking for more…then he didn't know what he would do.
"No, no, it was Hatori's idea…I had no idea that we were even coming here…but I am happy to be here." Said Suzuki
"Well of course you are, we have the best mediocre Chinese food in Japan." Said Shiori
"No, I've had more mediocre Chinese food…in China of all places. My children insisted on eating at a Chinese restaurant which is based in America of all places…and that was even farther from Chinese food than this." said Suzuki. The children had been small, then, much smaller than they were now. It had been in the year after Masami left. They had been so small…and their tastes had been that of children…and…well he was grateful that Shigeko had taken up cooking. It had made meals with them more bearable…not that he could recall any specific ones…he wished that he could. The ones he shared with Shigeko. He didn't much want to recall the chaotic and stressful meals he had shared with Sho over the years.
"You don't mean panda express, do you?" asked Shiori
"I think that was it, yes." said Suzuki. She shook her head…and he had no idea what that meant.
"What? You don't actually enjoy that, do you?" asked Suzuki
"As a matter of fact I do. Is there anything better than sugar chicken with sugar sauce?" asked Shiori
"I can think of several better meals than that…like the one that we're sharing. Not to contradict you. I mean…most people like sweet things. I don't…but for you I would." Said Suzuki. He had never been the declaration of love type…he had always been more of the type to leave a note in someone's shoe locker, run all the way home, and wait for Fukuda to call him later and tell him what the girl's reaction had been….but he couldn't do that now since he was a grown man. He wanted…he wanted to tell her what he thought of her…what he wanted from her…with her. What he just…what he felt for her…but he had never done that before.
Not even with Masami.
No, not even with her. He had loved her from the moment he'd met her. He'd loved the parts of their relationship, those two weeks before Sho had been conceived, when everything had just…been. When it had been him and her and they'd just…enjoyed being around each other. Enjoyed speaking with each other. Enjoyed being near each other. Enjoyed everything that the other had to offer…but then Sho had come and…well things had changed…Masami had changed…and he'd changed…but one thing had stayed the same. In the entirety of their marriage he had never once been able to tell Masami that he loved her.
Maybe that had been a mistake.
"Well I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do…actually I don't even think that I could. Me, ordering the great Suzuki Touichirou around." Said Shiori
"It wouldn't be ordering me around….I mean that I would not take it as such. I just…would like to make you happy. That's all. I enjoy it when you're happy." Said Suzuki. Her happiness had become a goal of his. Not in an effort to get anything from her, be it her allegiance to Claw or other more carnal things that he should not have been thinking about, but just for the sake of making her happy. He couldn't imagine anything better than making the woman he loved…cared for dearly…happy.
"I like making you happy too, Touichirou. It's nice, that side of you. The softer side. I bet that I'm the only one who gets to see it. Makes me feel special." Said Shiori
"You're right…there are very few people which I can let my guard down around….and you've become one of them…and…I…have so much I'd like to say to you…but I don't know how to…" said Suzuki. Maybe vulnerability came easier to him these days because Masami had hurt him. Maybe it was like he was missing that part of him, now, the one that built a fortress around his soul. The fortress had been ineffective. He'd still hurt her badly enough that she'd left him…and she'd still hurt him by leaving…or maybe Shigeko was just rubbing off on him. He'd have believed either.
"Broccoli?" asked Shiori as she held a piece of broccoli up with her chopsticks. Her grip hadn't been that good, or maybe these were just cheap chopsticks because her food fell….but he caught it. Telekinetically of course. She had reached for it. He'd caught it first.
She took it back onto her chopsticks…and then she fed it to him.
Masami had done that before, back when they'd been dating. Back when they'd shared meals together. He could recall very few meals that he'd shared with his family…when his family had been complete. Maybe he should have shared more meals with them, that way he would have had more memories of Masami, or maybe it was good that he'd barely shared any meals with them. He didn't want to remember her…he didn't want to feel what he felt when he remembered her.
So he exorcised the emotion like he had exorcised all other unwanted emotions in his life.
"Fine, I won't feed you." Said Shiori
"No, you may. I really don't mind." Said Suzuki
"Then why is your aura so pissed off. You know, sometimes I think that you forget that I can see, and feel, your aura. I'm an esper just like you are, Touichirou, and I'm a grown woman. If you don't like me doing something then just say so. Communicate. If you don't then I don't see this thing going anywhere…not that I plan on it going anywhere. We're fine here, where we are." Said Shiori
"I…was not angry with you. My wife…well she is my ex-wife now…she used to do the same thing…and I was just remembering her. That's all. I didn't mean to or want to. I don't want to associate you with my wife, my ex-wife, because she-" said Suzuki. He was communicating just like she said…even though it felt like he'd eaten a clove. Ashes in his mouth…that was what he tasted. She wasn't going to use any of this against him, he trusted her, but still…it was difficult to shake the feeling, maybe, difficult to shake off old habits…but he had to. For her.
He was not going to ruin this just like he'd ruined his last marriage…even though he still didn't have a clear idea of how he'd ruined his last marriage.
"Wait, did you just say 'ex' wife?" asked Shiori
"Yes…" said Suzuki. It had come out awkwardly. He knew that it had. He was going to have to get used to saying that. 'Ex' wife. My ex-wife. A woman who I was once married to but am no longer married to. A woman who is now nothing to me. A woman who I have a son with…and adopted a daughter with…but a woman who is not the mother of my youngest child. A woman who I, at one point in my life, would have killed or died for. A woman who, when I think of her, makes me want to burn the world to the ground and then salt the earth so nothing would ever grow again. A woman who betrayed me in the worst way possible…a woman who promised to stay but left….a woman who promised to love me but left…a woman who I gave years of my life to…a woman who-
Ex-wife was a strange word.
"You got a divorce? For real?" asked Shiori
"Yes….my wife…my ex-wife…and I are no longer legally married….and we hadn't been married for some time. Her having left me and the children…and all." said Suzuki. Why would he have lied about something like that? What did he have to gain? Well…sex…obviously….but she would have had that with him even if he had still been married. They'd had…well they'd had several of the things which led up to sex…he actually had no idea if she wanted to have penetrative intercourse with him….but now did not seem like the time to ask.
"When…when did this happen?" asked Shiori
"A week or so ago. Not too long ago." Said Suzuki
"That's…something." Said Shiori. She said that and then she immediately dug her chopsticks back into her container of food…even though she had just said that she didn't like it. She dug her chopsticks in and turned to face the television…even though it was only advertisements playing. She scooted away from him…and even her aura was pulling away from him.
He had done something.
He had done something…but for the life of him he had no idea what it was that he could have done. He knew that she had felt uncomfortable with the fact that he was married, that he still harbored feelings for Masami, but that wasn't true anymore. He didn't love her anymore. He loved Shiori. She was like Masami but better. She listened to him when he spoke, she spoke in a way which he could understand, she enjoyed his company, and she was an esper. She was better than Masami in every way and if he had known how to do it he would have asked her to spend her life with him, start a family with him, become his wife…
But he had no idea how to ask her any of that…so he would start with what he knew.
"Shiori…forgive me. I have no idea why you're reacting the way in which you are…and I'm loathe to ask so directly because I know that people find it off putting…but I really have no idea why you are reacting the way in which you are reacting right now." Said Suzuki
"I…I'm just processing everything that you just told me. I mean…this is great. Well no, not really, since your wife left you…but it's nice to see you getting over her. Maybe the next time we decide to go at it you won't run away…sorry, sorry, that was…not something that I should have brought up." Said Shiori. Suzuki…well, no, he didn't like being reminded of his many failures…but also…also she had said that there would be a next time…and she was wearing nothing but an undershirt…and a bra….and her pants….and…well this was the couch where it happened…
Why was it so warm in here? Well…aside from the fact that it was summer…and also he couldn't stop himself from picturing what she would have looked like completely undressed and…and now he was going to stop thinking for both of their sakes.
"You can…I mean if you wanted to bring it up then….I would not be opposed…to what you want to bring up…" said Suzuki. She had been talking about sex…and he wanted to have sex with her…and he could. There was nothing stopping him…well her consent, obviously, there were some lines that he wouldn't cross….but if she asked him to have sex then it would have been fine. He wasn't married….he could have had sex with every single and willing woman in Japan…in the world….that was…quite a few women….
But maybe it was best to worry about the woman near to him.
"You know…you can bring things up too. I mean I did say to communicate….I don't know what's the matter with me sometimes-" said Shiori
"Nothing is the matter with you. You're perfect…to me. You are my most perfect person." Said Suzuki. She smiled and looked down at her feet. She had on blue socks with fish on them, they were interesting, but he didn't know why they were more interesting than him…but it did not seem like the sort of thing that he should have asked her….actually he had no idea what she could have asked him right now…what was alright to ask her.
"Wow….that's…a lot. Tou-Touichirou…I…is there anything that you want….I mean….alright. That was a lot and I'm flattered…and I like you. I like you a lot. You're a really sweet guy…and I'd like to keep this up. What we have right now. Maybe we can start something else when we have more time….alright?" asked Shiori. That was….slightly disappointing….but he was forty five, not twenty five. He was perfectly capable of being around a woman, caring for a woman, without pestering her incessantly for sex.
"Alright. I understand….and I wouldn't have asked you for sex anyway, so you don't have to worry about that. We can carry on as we have…and I could probably get the ketchup off of my food if you wanted some." Said Suzuki
"Wait…what?" asked Shiori
"I'm capable of very fine movements when I need to be." Said Suzuki
"No, I mean…you were talking about sex? I have nothing against that. Whenever youre ready, I'm ready. Hell, if you wanted to right now…well we can put all of this in the fridge…and I've seen this episode already so…whenever you're ready?" asked Shiori
"…right now?" asked Suzuki. His voice broke there….that hadn't happened in a while…not even with Masami that first time. Well they had discussed it beforehand. They'd both lived with other people so if and when sex happened it was going to have to happen at a love hotel…and so he'd gotten them a room for their next date…and nine months later Sho had been born…and…and he could…again…maybe…with Shiori…he didn't want any children…but he did want to be with her…and she was offering…
And taking his hand in hers.
"Sure. Right now is good. That's my room over there. Just let me put this away, ok?" asked Shiori as she got up. All Suzuki could do was nod…even though he knew that he needed to say something. He needed to make words…right now.
"That…that would be…I mean…I would be amenable to that." Said Suzuki. She ran a hand through his hair and called him cute as she passed, their food held in her telekinetic grip. Maybe he should have helped her, he was better at fine movements, though maybe not since as of right now he was struggling just to keep his powers in check. This was…not how he saw this night going….but also…also this was…this was…he had wanted…
This was a lot.
But it wasn't like he was doing anything wrong…not this time. No, he was divorced. Unmarried. He could sleep with however many women he wanted to…and he wanted to sleep with Shiori…and now it was going to happen…and h was as nervous as he had been the first time…the very first time. Not with Masami, no, back when he'd been young and all of this had been a mystery…but this wasn't a mystery…and this wasn't the first time…well it was with her and…and he needed to calm the hell down and he needed to get up and…and he needed to…do what he had wanted to do with her since the day they'd met…and it was going to be amazing.
Even better, somehow, than eating Chinese food straight from the container.