Hatori wondered if he would ever get used to Suzuki and his weirdness.
"I have a new respect for your people."
That was all he said before he sat down. He just opened the door, came to the living room, and sat down. Hatori let himself die and pushed his laptop to the other side of the coffee table. He wondered if this was one of those sit next to Suzuki and listen to his troubles things or one of those keep on sitting on the floor and hope that he changed the subject sort of things. Suzuki wasn't looking at him, which meant…well it could have meant anything. He wasn't exactly a Suzuki whisperer…
No, that was Fukuda's job.
But Fukuda was off doing whatever it was he did in Korea…which was a whole lot of nothing based on how many of his jobs fell to Hatori. He hadn't had a minute of peace all day…or maybe night. He didn't know, the blinds were closed and he wasn't about to open them. Maybe it was best that he didn't know how much time he'd wasted working. He'd barely had any time to do the important things in life…he'd even lost a couple of ranks! In several games which he'd poured years of his life into! He could not wait until things went back to normal…
Well as normal as his life could be with Suzuki as his new best friend.
"Uh…thanks?" asked Hatori
"You're welcome." Said Suzuki. He was making that face he made when he was thinking long and hard about something….and that could have been a good thing or a bad thing. It was always a coin toss when it came to Suzuki. Hatori watched him. Suzuki was definitely thinking about something…hopefully something good…or at least hopefully nothing bad. He had been out with his girlfriend again…and as far as Hatori knew things had been going well…
But this was Suzuki.
Suzuki had said, before, that if he had been a woman then he would have dated Hatori. As downright weird as that was, and it was a totally undiscovered level of weirdness, Hatori…well he was having similar thoughts. Different outcome though. If he had been a girl then Suzuki would have been the last person that he would have wanted anything to do with. Hell, if he had actually been gay then Suzuki would have been the last person that he ever would have wanted to date. Suzuki was just…weird…and intense. Really fucking intense. He was intense about work, intense about what few friendships he had, intense about his kids….well intense about Mob, and intense about his girlfriend too…well Hatori figured. If he had been a girl, if he had been Shiori, then he would have run away or at least put some space between them…
But he wasn't on Shiori's side, he was on whatever side got him back with his friends, so therefore he was on Suzuki's side….and he needed at least one person on his side…especially his best friend.
"Why are you staring at me?" asked Suzuki
"No reason." said Hatori. Truth be told he just wanted to get back to work…gaming work, not real work. Real work had eaten up way too long and gaming work…well that ate up a lot of time, too,
"If you find me attractive then stop it. I don't think that you're attractive and even if I did then the age gap between us would have, eventually, become insurmountable. As much as I enjoy your company now I doubt that a relationship between us would work out." Said Suzuki
"Uh…ok? But just to be clear I'm not into you. You're…well you're more like my friend or my dad than…anything else." Said Hatori
"Good. I'm glad that we understand each other." Said Suzuki
"Cool." Said Hatori
"Good." Said Suzuki. There was silence…and staring. A hell of a lot of staring. Suzuki was staring at him so he had no choice but to stare back…or maybe Suzuki was the one who felt like he had no choice but to stare back because Hatori was staring at him. Either way there was way too much staring going on and not enough talking. Suzuki wanted to talk…well he was acting like it. He never just came out and said that he needed to talk about something.
No, that would have been way too easy.
"So…what's up? How's Shiori?" asked Hatori. He hoped to God, whatever God was out there, that he hadn't pissed Shiori off. Suzuki had just now gotten back out there and found someone to replace his ex-wife, Hatori was never getting married, and now…well a setback for Suzuki would have meant a setback for Hatori. He needed Suzuki as happy and healthy, mentally, as possible. Then he would be more likely to reconcile with Mob and Hatori could go back to spending his days doing nothing. Everything would get back to normal…well sort of. Hatori would still have some kind of power, of course, and maybe now everyone would stop treating him like he was younger than the actual kids in the group. Everything was going to get better once he got back with the group….
But that was never going to happen unless Suzuki got back to being normal…Suzuki normal…or maybe even better than Suzuki normal. General population normal…well that wasn't going to happen…but Hatori was NOT going to give up!
"Shiori is fine, don't ask me about Shiori." Said Suzuki quickly. Well that didn't exactly inspire confidence now did it?
"Ok…um…how was your date?" asked Hatori
"My date was fine. Don't ask me about my date." Said Suzuki
"Well…how are you doing?" asked Hatori
"I'm doing fine…don't ask me about how I'm doing. Why are you being so nosy? Do you not have enough to do? Because if not then I can find something-" said Suzuki
"No! I mean…I'm fine. Just...asking how you're doing. You know…since we're friends…or whatever." Said Hatori. Nope. The last thing that he needed was something else to do. He'd already lost valuable time doing his job, Fukuda's job, and then there had been that blackout….he was not losing any more time. He couldn't think of anything else that needed doing….that he could do. Maybe Suzuki was about to give him Mob's job…and he did NOT want Mob's job. He couldn't think of something positive to spam everyone with…and he didn't think that he could send out five adorable memos every single day….and he doubted that people would have liked to follow his Instagram if he took over Mob's…no way…
The world did not need to know what he looked like in a tiny princess dress.
"Yes…we are friends…but don't ask me about my…about anything personal. Understood?" asked Suzuki
"Understood." Said Hatori. He knew Suzuki. That meant 'I have a lot of person shit that I'm going to be unloading on you pretty soon. Be prepared.' Well Hatori could take it. He already knew about the thirty year history of Suzuki and Fukuda's make outs….and also there were those fucked up stories Suzuki told about his childhood…and also how he had been traumatized when Sho had been born….Hatori was never having kids….
He had dealt with Suzuki's oversharing before. He knew that he could with it now. He had no choice so…yeah. Bring it on.
"Imagining being taken by your best friend doesn't make you a homosexual…right?" asked Suzuki. That took him a while…and he practically choked the words out…and Hatori…well he didn't get it.
"Taken where?" asked Hatori
"Sexually." Said Suzuki. He said it so matter-of-factly that Hatori…well he had no choice but to be just as matter-of-fact…even though his eyebrows had just disappeared into his hairline never to be seen again. That was fine, he didn't need eyebrows, not when he was so close to losing his mind.
"Oh, you mean getting fucked?" asked Hatori. Cursing…cursing was good. Cursing would piss Suzuki off. Maybe if he pissed Suzuki off badly enough then he would forget about what he had just brought up. Ok…so Suzuki regularly thought about getting fucked by Fukuda…if he had asked Fukuda probably would have just said yes…but Hatori…well he would have talked through whatever was happening in Suzuki's head…but this was…this was…
Hatori had no idea what he was supposed to do with this information.
"Stop. Cursing." Said Suzuki. He said it like he was about to kick Hatori's ass….and he would have welcomed it at this point…but no, Suzuki didn't beat up his friends…no. Instead he overshared weird stuff with his friends…stuff that nobody could ever get used to.
"Alright, alright, I'll stop…and…I don't know? I mean…lots of people think about weird stuff sometimes. It doesn't mean anything." Said Hatori with a wave of his hand. There. Now Suzuki would drop it…not that it was best that Suzuki dropped it. Well it was for the best, for himself, to drop it. Suzuki…well Suzuki was a weirdo. He was a weirdo and Hatori had this theory that a lot of his weirdness came from not being able to be honest with himself…and it was good if he realized…stuff…about himself.
Mainly that he wanted to fuck Fukuda.
He wanted to hold him and kiss him and fuck him, and apparently bottom for him, and…well Suzuki was forty five. He was way past the whole 'figuring yourself out' age. He was in that weird midlife crisis point in life that Hatori had read about. The time when a guy bought a sports car, dated girls half their age, and tried desperately to prove that they didn't have the cold hand of death on their shoulders. That was normal stuff. Suzuki's midlife crisis seemed to mean that he FINALLY came out and realized that he was in love with his best friend and the biggest weirdo in all of Claw.
Hatori was NOT equipped to deal with this.
"Oh. Good." Said Suzuki
"Cool." Said Hatori. There. That should have been the end of it…and it would have been the end of it….but it wasn't. No. This was Hatori and for Hatori….well things were never going to be normal. Especially when he was friends with Suzuki…he didn't know the meaning of the word normal. No. He was staring at Hatori….and he still had that look like he wanted to talk about something…and Hatori was the person that he was going to talk to.
Alright then. What choice did he have?
"May I ask you a hypothetical question?" asked Suzuki
"What?" asked Hatori
"Hypothetical is a word which means-" said Suzuki
"No, I know what it means. What's the question?" asked Hatori with a sigh. That was all he could do at this point. Sigh.
"Say one…hypothetically….has a recurring…idea…in which they are taken by their best friend of the same sex…and then if that same person were to be taken by a person of the opposite sex…but spent the entire time thinking of said best friend…former best friend…person who they have known for a large amount of time….would that person…be considered to be a homosexual. The person being taken, not the best friend. The best friend has never once in his life had thoughts like that…as far as the person in question knows. The person in question has not spoken to said best friend for months…and that person doesn't care where their best friend went or what he's doing…" said Suzuki. Hatori ended up zoning out towards the end…and what else could he do. That was….a lot to take in. A LOT. He had never in his life…what in the hell…what the fuck…how could he have….he didn't know….he didn't know what he was supposed to do…if he had been Suzuki he would have said 'I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with this information' but he wasn't Suzuki…no. He was Hatori. He was Hatori Nozomu…and he was pretty fucking glad that he was Hatori Nozomu….
If his other option was being Suzuki Touichirou then, yeah, he was pretty fucking grateful to be Hatori Nozomu.
"….don't care about him at all. Hypothetically." Said Suzuki. Hatori nodded and stared down at his socks…there was a hole in the big toe…if Shibata had been around then…well no, Shibata couldn't sew anyway since his hands were too big….he would have gotten his own socks…did he need a whole new pack of socks? Socks…socks were….a thing that he needed….
"Well?" asked Suzuki. Hatori looked up. Right. No more thinking about socks…even though socks were a hell of a lot easier to think about than whatever the hell Suzuki was on…he knew exactly what Suzuki was on. He was finally coming to terms with the fact that he was probably bi…and he had only come to terms with it because his girlfriend pegged him…and he spent the whole time imagining that Fukuda HAD BEEN FUCKING HIM and….and Hatori needed a drink. He didn't normally drink but right now…right now he needed a drink…
He took a drink of his soda.
That bought him some time. Suzuki was still watching him….and Hatori…he needed to think of something to say…but that was hard since he REALLY did not want to talk about this. He kind of wished that he could teleport or disappear…or die. Something that would make this…better, like an escape button for life. Suzuki was watching him and waiting for Hatori to bestow wisdom upon him….but he had nothing! He was a virgin! A straight virgin! He had no idea…well he did have some idea…but Suzuki didn't want to hear about how bi he probably was…even though it wasn't like it was a bad thing…well it would have been a good thing…for Sho at least.
Maybe if Suzuki accepted himself then he could stop being such an asshole to his clearly very gay son.
"Uh….that hypothetical person is probably bi? I mean if that person likes guys and girls then…yeah. They're bi…and that's fine! I mean…people love who they love." asked Hatori
"I don't love him! I don't even like him! I hope he's rotting in a hole somewhere!" shouted Suzuki. The room shook…and Hatori's soda can exploded….and now he was all sticky…but he deserved that. He'd pushed Suzuki was too fast and now he had to deal with it…he hadn't been beaten up, maimed, or given extra work…so that was the best outcome of making Suzuki question his sexuality even more than he had been.
"…ok…" said Hatori
"I mean…that hypothetical person…does not love his best friend…former best friend. That former friend had the nerve to tell his son and daughter…well it doesn't matter." said Suzuki
"Right…well…this hypothetical person…is probably bi and…well people can want to fuck who they want to fuck. It's not the sort of thing that people have control over." Said Hatori. He winced and closed his eyes…but nothing happened. Suzuki didn't shout, he didn't break anything, he just sighed and hunched down.
And then sighed again.
"Don't curse." Said Suzuki
"Sorry." said Hatori
"And offer up a better explanation than that. What you have just said…it makes no sense. Everyone has that thought in their mind, that if they were born he opposite sex they would…do a great many things, with members of the same sex. That's normal…and therefore….therefore that person is still…normal." Said Suzuki. Hatori bit his tongue. The last word that he ever would have used to describe Suzuki was normal…but he wasn't going to just come out and say it. No. Suzuki was in a bad enough mood as it was.
"Uh…ok. I'm going to say something that's going to piss you off…upset you….and I just want you to hear me out and not…you know…freak out like you usually do." Said Hatori
"I do not 'freak out' but…carry on with whatever it is that you have to say. You're the expert here and I shall defer to your wisdom and years of experience." Said Suzuki
"Alright….just…you know…just because someone tells you that you're straight…that doesn't mean that you have to be…right? I mean…don't kill me!" said Hatori
"I wasn't going to…and I wasn't….I was speaking about myself. How did you know?" asked Suzuki
"I know you." Said Hatori. What else could he say? He knew Suzuki…at this point he could say that…and he…well sometimes he wished that he didn't.
"I…cannot dispute that fact at this point in our friendship." Said Suzuki
"So….yeah. You…you're Suzuki Touichirou and you can be whoever you want to be. I mean I'm your friend and I don't care who you're into or what you're into…and really, if someone tries to give you shit for being…who you are…can't you just kill them? I mean you killed that one guy just for coughing in the middle of a meeting-" said Hatori
"That story has become exaggerated over the years. I killed that man because he was a spy sent by some government agency or another…and you're right…anyone who questions me can and will die…but I am questioning myself and…don't tell anyone that I'm questioning myself…and I have no reason to question myself! My father made himself perfectly clear. Everyone has those thoughts about members of the same sex, homosexuals are the only ones who act on them, and I have no idea what that means for bisexuals…but my father made himself perfectly clear. I am not a homosexual." Said Suzuki. Hatori…was not going to get into it with Suzuki and his dad. In Hatori's opinion Suzuki's dad wasn't much of a dad. He hadn't been able to find much about the guy, he'd died back in 1991 before Hatori had even been born, but from what he'd seen he'd been kind of a bastard. Like a corporate bastard, not a take over the world bastard like Suzuki was, though was there really such a difference…it didn't matter. Hatori wasn't going to get into it. Suzuki had this weird sort of reverence for his dad…even though his dad had been a bastard…a total bastard….and also there was the whole beating him with a shinai thing…
He was NOT going to go into that with Suzuki right now…or ever.
"Uh….when was your dad born?" asked Hatori
"July 12th 1947. Why?" asked Suzuki
"Uh…well…maybe he was wrong? I mean not to call him out or….something. Just…uh…if he was born in the forties then…uh…they knew different stuff back then than they know now. I mean we know about sexuality and stuff. It's more…uh…fluid….that sounds…yeah." Said Hatori
"Go on." Said Suzuki. Hatori had no idea if that was a good 'go on' or a bad 'go on'. His eyes darted through the room to the hallway…he could have made it if he ran…but he couldn't run from someone he lived with…and he couldn't run from a friend who needed him, too. Damn it, Mob…she'd gotten to him. He needed to stop reading her memos and inspirational messages.
"Uh…well times changed and people changed and…well you're probably bi and that's ok! You dad didn't lie to you, he was just…uh…from a different time, and he was working with what he knew. So….are you ok?" said Hatori. Suzuki was staring at him…and he hoped that this was the end of it. Suzuki was a coin toss of a human being. He might hit him, he might hug him, he might tell him to fuck off, or he might just tell Hatori more about the joys of bottoming….
Hopefully not the last part.
"I…can see your point…and have come to…conclusions…about myself. Conclusions which I…do not know…I just….I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with this information." Said Suzuki
"You could hang out with your girlfriend….I mean you like her and she likes you…and that hasn't changed." Said Hatori
"You….you're right. I still love Shiori and she still loves me…that has not changed." Said Suzuki. Hatori had never had a girlfriend in his life but he knew that girls freaked out when you told them that you loved them this soon…but he didn't feel like getting into all of that with Suzuki. This had been enough. He needed…he needed a drink….he needed a hundred drinks. Suzuki…well no wonder Mob drank. Anyone would have drank if they had to spend this much time with Suzuki and his insanity.
"Nope, she's still into you and you're into her…so maybe you guys can hang out some more? Somewhere else?" asked Hatori. That was the closest that he could come to getting down into the kowtow of his life and begging Suzuki to go somewhere else, literally anywhere else, and ask someone else to deal with this. Preferably the new Missus Suzuki since she was, apparently, the new love of his life or whatever.
"No, she had work to do today…and I….should probably work. I should probably get to work…in my room…alone. Goodbye…and thank you." Said Suzuki. He got up…and for a moment Hatori worried that Suzuki was about to hug him. That was always…kind of weird. Not bad, sometimes good, but also with this layer of weirdness. Suzuki was….a friend…and a nice guy….but also he was a weirdo. Sometimes his weirdness was background noise…and sometimes his weirdness was just weirdness. Like now. Suzuki hadn't hugged him, thank God, he got up and went to his room…and that was it. He didn't have anything else to say…to Hatori. His aura was still all turned inwards as he walked away….like he was thinking really hard about something…like he wanted to talk about something….
And Hatori was there to listen.
He was a friend and that was what friends did, they listened to their friend's problems. Even when their friends had totally bizarre problems…which were what all of Suzuki's problems were. This was just the latest in a long line of just…really fucking bizarre problems. Well of course Suzuki had bizarre problems, he was the President of Claw after all, but this…this was really fucking bizarre….
But Hatori…he was learning to live with the weirdness…even his forty five year old best friend figuring out that he was bi…through the joy of bottoming….