Angel Girl
He welcomed the darkness as he walked into the room. It had been so long but it still reminded him of her, she decorated the place and he never changed a single thing. It wasn't until now he realized he didn't want to, he was still holding on to a piece of her.
He closed his eyes to all the memories filling his mind, how could she be gone? He blamed himself; if he had acted sooner and gotten the cure to the hospital she would still be alive.
Just like that, gone.
He walked over to the window and looked at the dark sky, the stars. He wondered, was she up there looking down?
Dear angel girl
Soaring in the heavens
Blissful peace, is there
Are you happy?
He ran his hand through his hair; the tears ran down his face. She had given him so much and in the last moments of her life he wasn't there. For so long he didn't see her or even think of her, oh how he regretted it. She gave him life, taught him true love and in the end he turned his back on her, the pain in his chest would never fade.
They had so many good times; he wished he would've focused on those more. Maybe life would've been different if he hadn't been so stubborn, maybe she'd still be a live.
Angel girl I miss
Longing to feel your touch again
It wasn't worth it, my pain
I'd give up it all, my life
Just to feel you one last time
He thought of the moment Sonny told him, Courtney was gone, in the blink of an eye life changed forever pain set in. He never got a chance to say goodbye. The last time they spoke he didn't even remember her.
Her; the love of his life not short ago. The one he gave up the only life he had known. He'd do it all over again, give up anything and everything just for her to smile at him one last time. To feel her soft kiss along his mouth, her hands against him, just one last time.
He slid to the floor as the tears continued to run free. He thought if enough time passed the pain would kill him too, then maybe he'd see her again. In that moment it was all he wanted, to see her again.
He rested his head back against the wall; his eyes closed….just to see her again.
Memories become nightmares
The good times haunt because they'll never be, again
Your face, my dream
Your eyes, my story
Angel girl, just come back to me
No one understood his need to be alone. Some said it was so sudden for him to be so closed off. He thought they had to be crazy, of course he'd mourn for her, the woman who filled everything in his soul. But he also understood, he hadn't be there for her, loved her, it wouldn't be so wrong to think he wouldn't hurt.
But now hurt was all he did, nothing made it better. He pushed everyone away, this is what he wanted, to be alone with his darkness, to think of her and only her.
He heart tightened as every time he closed his eyes he saw her angelic face, she smiled, and she always smiled at him, so bright.
The memories crashed into his mind; there was no pushing them away.
"And you. You matter to me. A lot."
"I shouldn't need to hear you say that, but I do. I can see it in your eyes. I can sense it when we're in a room together."
"You have to hang
on, ok? I love you."
"I love you, too."
"I've tried to stop loving you. I mean, I told myself that the hurt will go away. You know, maybe it will. But the love won't. Not now, not ever. I want you back. And I understand if you say forget it, because I hurt you too much---"
"Oh my God. We actually did it."
"That you have my dear. Jason, you may kiss your bride."
His bride, she'd always be his bride, the only woman he'd ever marry. He could remember every moment of that day, how happy she was and he was, he had never been that happy again. Their wedding, the moment he knew he could truly be happy, to know what true love and happiness felt like. He sighed and looked at the penthouse, softly lit by moon light. Every inch there was a memory of her, how would he survive?
My angel girl gone
Sharp pain left over, I deserve
Please forgive me my angel girl
Wanting more time
Time to say, I'm sorry
He forced himself off the floor he wiped his eyes and continued to walk through the living room, he grabbed his jacket and left. He walked and walked trying to shake the memories, her laughter, sweet words; he heard it all as he continued.
He wasn't surprised to see where he ended up, his heart broke right then, finally shattering as he stood at her grave. During the memorial he just shut down, he wouldn't let himself feel.
But now it wasn't possible, he felt a great deal. He fell to his knees at her fresh grave, the tears running down his face anew. "Courtney," his voice was shaky as he began. "I'm sorry." Were the only words he could think of, he regretted so much, there was so much he had to say and apologize for.
"We never got to say goodbye. I don't know how you felt but I know it seems I pushed you away and you didn't matter anymore but that's not true. You mattered, you'll always matter. Getting divorced was the hardest thing I ever had to do; I pushed you away because it hurt so much to see you. I thought of myself and that was unfair, I owed you so much more. Now you're gone and you'll never know how much I love you." It was hard to say, his voice shook and broke but he had to tell her some how everything he couldn't before.
"I hope you're happy, I know you'd rather be with your son but everything has a way of working out. I wasn't there for you Courtney but I promise no matter what I'll be there for your son." He wished it was their son or the little girl Courtney dreamt of. He had thought he was over her and their dreams now he knew for a fact that wasn't the case, he never let go of her. "I loved then, I love you now and I'll love you always." Jason Morgan vowed.
Goodbye angel girl…
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Isabelle A.
Angel Girl Poem also written by Isabelle A.