By: Crimson Terror
Disclaimer: I own none of this!
Bad Times in Mushroom Kingdom
It was a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom, but everything happening there was not! Mario had a bad shroom addiction, and it wasn't getting easier on Peach.
"Honey, I'm here!" yelled Mario as he entered the castle. Peach mumbled to herself and then walked into the living room.
"Hello sweetie, and how are you tonight!"
"Shut the HELL up you bitch!" screamed Mario. "I heard about you and Toad fucking around!" Mario then pulled out some pictures of Peach and Toad at some party. They were naked and on top of each other.
"Honey, you're on drunk and on shrooms again, I can smell it on you." She then looked at the pictures, realizing what they were. "How did you know! Where did you get these!"
"Oh, so those really are pictures of you! I knew you were a dirty whore!"
Mario jumped towards her. He punched her in the back of the head as she tried to run away. She suddenly fell from the blow. Mario then jumped down on top of her and started punching her face. Peach started crying out "HELP!". Nobody heard her. Then, out of nowhere appeared Donkey Kong.
"What the hell do you think you're doin'?" yelled DK. "That's my hooker your beatin' up over there!"
"What the hell! Your hooker! So that party she and Toad hooked up at was just "business", OH HELL NO!" Mario took his foot and tried kicking DK in the face, but DK was quicker. HE WAS A MONKEY FOR GOD SAKES! DK grabbed Mario's foot and punched him in the balls.
DK then started yelling, "What now bi-atch! Come on Peach, we gotta go, Luigi promised to pay double if you would do him and Yoshi!"
Mario sat their in pain. He then pulled out a wrench from his back pocket. His head was about to become a bloody pulp of nothingness.
The Long Adventures of the Gay Inbred Hero
Link had just found out Zelda had been captured. She had been captured by some monstrous minions of Ganon. This would be yet another grueling adventure in some dark forest with enchanted animals and odd fairy music.
As Link began to aid himself with weapons and other useful materials, he noticed some women were smiling and waving at him. If only they knew. Not many people realized it, but Link was GAY! He had always wanted to be a fairy, and the sad thing is that in a certain way, HE WAS! But he had always kept this to himself. His father was disgraced and his mother didn't really mind. If only they knew how hard it was.
Link started his journey bright and early the next morning. He made sure he had everything for his long quest. "Uhg, I can't believe I have to go and save Zelda, AGAIN! Why don't they capture anyone else! Well, this sucks either way, GOD I HATE LIFE!". And Link was off.
Night came fast as Link traveled deeper into the forest. She had been taken to some giant castle on top of an active volcano. It was protected by dragons and other fiendish monsters. He would need his strength to save Zelda.
Link was standing in front of the castle on the volcano. It was straight ahead of him. It wasa huge. And the creatures looked absolutely monstrous! Then, Link suddenly realized an "OFF" switch under a rock beside the volcano. He ran over and pressed it, making the lava disappear and the monsters run off. This would be easier than he thought! So, he ran up the volcano into the castle, slowly making his way up to the tower which held Zelda. He could tell he was getting closer, and he couldn't wait to see her. After a couple hundred steps, he had made it. He then pushed open the door. Ganon was standing in a corner sitting down. Link quily pulled out his bow and arrow and threw it at him, Ganon caught them. But this was only a distraction. Zelda, acting asleep, then jumped up with a knife, stabbong Ganon in the head. His lifeless corpse fell to the ground. "Finally!" said Zelda relieved, "We can have SEX!"
PAUSE. Now, before I go any farther, I must explain. Zelda, at a young age, was a boy, and is still actually one today. The only thing different is the disgusting blobs of goo she somehow surgically put in her upper torso area. Also, Link and Zelda were actually seperated at a young age, not realizing that they were, infact, BROTHERS! So now you know, and back to the conclusion of the story...
Link and Zelda then started getting naked. This is a sick world!
Happy & Sad
Samus had been out bounty hunting for a while now and she wanted a break! She was at a racing event called F-ZERO. It was a tournament, so it would be longer than most races. Her favorite racer was Captain Falcon. She had always been fond of him for some reason, but him also being a bounty hunter and having other same interests helped.
As time passed and people and aliens started arriving, the race began. An announcer shouted "GO!", and they were off! The Blue Falcon was in third place, right behind the Blood Hawk and Digi-Boy. Samus then jumped up and yelled at the top of her lungs, "GO BLUE FALCON!". This was going to be along night.
The race ended after a couple hours. The Blue Falcon had just barely crossed the finish line in first place, but he made it. Then, out of nowhere, one of the security guards approached Samus.
"Excuse me ma'am, if you wouldn't mind, I would like you to follow me to the back room."
She stared at him blankly and then replied, "Why do I have to go there?"
"Just please follow me," he said, motioning her to follow.
She made sure she had her small pistol in the back of her shorts. She did, and so she followed him to the back room somewhere below the stadium.
Once to the room, he showed her to some beverages and asked her to sit down and make her self comfortable. She had no idea what was going on. And then it hit her, the room she was in right now was Captain Falcon's DRESSING ROOM! She was so excited. She would finally meet her most admired F-ZERO racer! Outside of the door she could some men talking. They were laughing about something, and then, into the room came CAPTAIN FALCON, THE GREATEST F-ZERO RACER EVER!
He approached her and smiled, "Hello, Samus, I am so happy to finally meet you."
Samus could not believe it, Captain Falcon was taling to her, and knew her name. She replied, "I guess that makes two of us."
"Oh really, well... The two rambled on about all sorts of things. They knew at that instant that they were in love.
A couple years later, aptain Falcon and Samus got married. It was a wonderful celebration, and the two were so happy and excited to FINALLY be married. That night, things happened. The two had made passionate love. They knew they were going to be together forever... well, so they thought.
That night, Captain Falcon's "little soldiers" attacked Samus' "target" and a new being would be forming in Samus' belly soon enough.
A week passed and Samus' found that she was pregnant. The couple began getting ready for the arrival as the ninth month came around. It was a beautiful boy... and girl. They had twins! They named the boy Iwa. He had light brown hair and blue eyes. The girl, named Meiru, had blonde hair and blue eyes. They were both healthy and beautiful children. It was great.
The seasons passed and the family that was once so touching was now broken apart. Samus had gone on yet another bouny hunt to some planet. There she met some soldier named Master Chief and had "relations" with him. Later Captain Falcon found out about this and decided to get divorced. Samus and Master Chief got married soon after, getting custody over the kids.
And as for Captain Falcon, he would have the children every other weekend. But he had many F-ZERO races to attend to, so he was always busy. And even when he had the kids, the only person he could find to keep an eye on the kids for him at the races was a respected scientist named Dr. Thomas Light.
Dr. Thomas Light became very fond of the children and eventually adopted them because the lack of caring and loving they recieved from their parents. Sadly, by the time the kids reached ten years old they killed themselves. He later made cyborg-like beings modeled after them and named them Mega, or Megaman, and Roll. Megaman became a mighty hero and had part of his suit modeled after his own mother that he didn'nt even know. And as for Roll, she became more of a housekeeper. This went from the happiest family ever to the dysfunctional family of the millenium.