At least Fukuda wasn't starved for company.
"Get out of here, this isn't for you." Said Fukuda as he kicked the Cat out of the way. That was this thing's name, Cat, since apparently nobody could agree on what to call it. Fukuda cast his vote for 'annoying'. He was minding his own business trying to make dinner when this Cat came up to him and started begging…
And he wasn't even making anything good.
"What? You want plain noodles with a little bit of butter?" asked Fukuda as the Cat dug it's claws into his leg through his pants. He was going to have to take up sewing at some point….either that or see if they sold pants in bulk. Sho refused to get this Cat declawed because it was cruel. Well…it kind of was…but still. Everything that was at Cat level had been scratched up to some degree.
Including his leg.
Apparently this cat did want some plain noodles with a little bit of butter. It was digging it's claws into his leg and trying to stand up….huh. So Garfield hadn't been full of lies. Cats loved Italian, or vaguely Italian food…or maybe this counted as Chinese since noodles came from China? He didn't know…maybe he'd look it up later…
It wasn't like he had a great big shortage of free time these days.
"Here, but just a little. You're an obligate carnivore, Cat, this can't possibly be good for you." Said Fukuda as he tossed a noodle down onto the ground. Huh. The Cat actually ate it. Well then. Sho was going to get a kick out of this. He was due over soon, it was dinnertime for the hamsters. Sho didn't trust Fukuda to feed and care for the damn things…and that was fine by him. He didn't really want to cook tiny meals, and yes the meals had to be tiny, if you made normal sized food and cut it up then the hamsters would know that you didn't care about them and their feelings would be hurt. Sho had made himself perfectly clear.
Sho had made himself perfectly clear about a lot of things.
"No, I thought I made myself perfectly clear. This is not for you. This is for me and your own…now get out of here." Said Fukuda as he kicked the cat away. Not hard enough to hurt the damn thing, of course, Sho would never have forgiven him if he had. He just needed some space to work. He had to get dinner on the table before Sho got here.
Maybe this would, finally, be the night they shared a meal together.
Sho was avoiding him. He knew why. Sho was eleven, not even twelve yet, and he didn't see the big picture. All he could see was that he'd been a part of something that had hurt his family…and also Fukuda had maybe shared information that hadn't been his to share. He didn't know which was worse for Sho. Sho hadn't told him which bothered him more…and Fukuda…well he didn't know how he was supposed to figure out how to go from here unless Sho spoke to him…told him what specifically was wrong.
Fukuda…he had no idea what he was supposed to do here…so he made dinner.
Maybe Sho would take a break from caring for his hamsters and share a meal with Fukuda for once. They used to have dinner together all the time. Lunches too. Breakfasts. They used to spend so much time together….but now….well he'd messed up. He hadn't meant to mess up, and he didn't fully think that he did, but if Sho wanted him to say that he messed up then that was what he was going to do. He had to….to fix this. Sho needed him. Sho really didn't have anyone else at the end of the day.
Hamsters didn't count.
Sure he came here at the end of the day to care for his hamsters…but as far as people went he didn't have anyone. His sister was…his sister…and his friends were his friends…and Suzuki was no kind of father to him…so really all Sho had was Fukuda. Nobody was taking care of him. Nobody had been taking care of him for months. Who was going to get up with him when he had a nightmare? Who was going to sit with him when he was hurt? Who was going to spend time with him when he was lonely? Sho needed him….
And maybe he needed Sho.
"There we go." Said Fukuda as he put two bowls down on the table. One plain white and the other was a Zootopia bowl that he'd gotten specifically for Sho. Sho loved that movie…he had always loved it…but he could have changed his mind and picked something else to be his favorite movie. Sho was nearly twelve…maybe his tastes had changed. Children changed so gradually that one day it was like…like they went to bed four and woke up eleven. They just shot up….Sho was so tall now. Both of the kids were…well Shigeko had been tall for a while now. She had been grown up for a while now. Sho…he wasn't done growing up yet….
He wouldn't be done growing up for a while…a long while. Hopefully.
"Hey everyone! I hope you're hungry!" shouted Sho as he came in through the door. There were two loud thumps, he had kicked his shoes off, and then a loud slam. Fukuda knew that he should have done the right thing and told Sho that he needed to take his shoes off nicely and face them the right way, and also that he shouldn't have been slamming doors, and maybe he should have brought up the shouting too…
But he was just so happy to see Sho…
"Sho! I'm in here!" said Fukuda. There were footsteps, loud ones, ones that definitely scared the hamsters. Thanks to the wonders of open floor plans he could see Sho in the living room if he turned his head the right way. Sho was petting the cat…and making an effort not to speak to Fukuda…he could tell that he was being ignored.
It hurt.
If he closed his eyes he could have imagined, remembered, gone back to a time when Sho used to run to him. Whenever he would visit Masami and the kids Sho would practically launch himself into his arms. Shigeko used to do the same…but she'd changed long ago. She'd become the person that she was now, the second coming of her father, and he had mourned her and moved on. Sho…he wasn't ready to mourn Sho…and he wasn't ready to move on. He couldn't move on. Sho was eleven and had no one. Sho needed him.
And maybe he needed Sho too.
"Hey Sho? Can you come in here for a minute?" asked Fukuda. He heard Sho sigh…and that….well that didn't mean anything. Sho was still processing what was happening in his life….and he still felt hurt…which made sense. He was young and he didn't see the big picture. Sho just needed to listen and Fukuda needed to explain himself better…or maybe just apologize. That was what Sho wanted…even though Fukuda had nothing to apologize for…mostly nothing.
Telling Shimazaki…that was something that he owed Sho an apology for.
"What? I have hamsters to feed and read to." Said Sho as he walked into the kitchen. He stuck his hands in the pockets of that coat he was always wearing…it was way too hot for that. He was going to give himself heat stroke at some point…but Fukuda…well he wasn't going to bring that up. No, that would just piss Sho off.
He had always been a very sensitive person.
He was like Masami in that way…no…actually more like his father. Suzuki had one hell of a temper, anyone who had spent more than five minutes in his prescience knew that fact, but also he could get to these really low emotional places…like Sho was probably in right now. He was looking down at the ground, his hands were in his pockets, and his aura was pulled in close. Everything about this said that he wanted to be left alone…that he wanted to disappear…
Well Fukuda wouldn't let him.
"I made dinner. Plain noodles with a little bit of butter just how you like it." Said Fukuda. He motioned towards the table. Sho shrugged.
"No thanks." Said Sho with a shrug. He was trying to sound nonchalant but his aura…his aura told it's own story…it's own very angry story…and Fukuda…he deserved some of that. Hell, if Sho wanted him to say so then he was going to say that he deserved all of it. It wouldn't have been the first lie he told in their time together.
"What? You already ate?" asked Fukuda. He knew why Sho didn't want to eat with him. It had been the same song and dance last time, too. He was going to beg Sho to eat with him, Sho was going to go and tell him to fuck himself, and then they would both ended up with hurt feelings. They just went in the same circle over and over again…Fukuda was getting tired of it…
But he had no idea how to get out of it.
"No, I just don't want to eat with you." Said Sho. Fukuda nodded and tried not to let it show. He had been friends with Suzuki for years, he knew how to keep things from showing in his aura, but his face…was another story. He didn't let his eyes tear up. Sho…the Sho he knew would never have said anything like that…but time had passed. A few months…it was amazing what could change in a few short months.
Sho was taller now….he was growing into his jacket.
"Are you sure? I can make you something else." Said Fukuda. Sho was bigger now. He wasn't a little kid anymore…maybe he care about Zootopia plates and plain noodles with a little bit of butter. Maybe he'd grown out of Disney movies and whatever his weird food thing was. For all he knew Sho had even grown out of his citrus allergy…not that he was going to test it…though that would have given him more time with Sho. Time to try and get back to what they had been…before all of this…
Before his life imploded.
"I'm fine. Big sis is making dinner." Said Sho. Fukuda knew that something was wrong if Sho was picking his father and sister over him. Sho would rather have had Suzuki berating him and Shigeko nagging at him than a peaceful meal with Fukuda. That was…not good…but Fukuda could admit that maybe he had been a little too strict with Sho in the past…if Sho came back to him then he was going to be nicer and just…better.
"You'd really rather eat with your dad?" asked Fukuda. Sho needed a place to get away from all of that. Fukuda…he knew that he could be kind of strict…but he was nowhere near Suzuki's level…but from now on Sho could do just about whatever he wanted…if what he wanted wasn't bad for him…terrible for him. He could…if he wanted to live on ranch and poptarts then he could live on ranch and poptarts. If he wanted to curse like a sailor on shore leave then he could curse like a sailor on shore leave. If he wanted to fill the house with animals then….well then Fukuda was going to be living in a menagerie from now on.
"Yeah. Is that it? I have to feed the hamsters and read to them and then I have to wash all their habitrails too." Said Sho
"I could help you with-" said Fukuda
"Why don't you just eat dinner if you're so hungry? You have two bowls there so it'll probably take you a while. You should start now…and leave me the hell alone, too." Said Sho
"Sho…" said Fukuda. That time…well it was harder to hide it that time. The feeling he got…like Sho had kicked him in the chest…but worse. He knew that he had been kicked in the chest before, not only by Sho but by Suzuki and Suzuki could kick a hell of a lot harder, but this…this felt worse. Maybe because he couldn't heal from this. His body started healing as soon as he got hurt…physically. Emotional pain didn't get fixed so easily…but…but he had to try. This was one of those things that he just…had to get out of…on his own.
"What? You're going to say 'language' or something like that?" asked Sho
"No, I was going to ask you if we could talk. I just-" said Fukuda
"I know what you're going to say. You say the same thing every single time you want to talk. You're going to tell me that you're sorry about what happened, that you didn't mean for things to go the way they did, about how sometimes it's hard to make pragmatic choices, and about how much you love me. I'm not a fucking goldfish. I remember things." Said Sho
"You do." Said Fukuda with a sigh. Sho remembered everything. Sho remembered how badly Fukuda had fucked up…and…and he owed Sho. He wasn't a little kid anymore and he remembered things…and…and Fukuda should have done better by him. So many people had let him down…his own father…Fukuda wasn't his father. Fukuda had no chance of being his father, sure he had thought Masami was an attractive woman when they first me but he hadn't fallen in love with her until years later, but despite that Fukuda was still the closest thing Sho had to a father. Like all fathers Fukuda made mistakes…but unlike all fathers Fukuda could and would learn from his mistakes.
"So can I go now?" asked Sho
"….if you want to…but…I really am sorry-" said Fukuda
"I don't want to hear it! Can you just…you told him! You told him and…and you made me lie and keep secrets and…and you told him! You promised that you'd always keep my secrets but you told Shimazaki that I love him and…and….fuck you!" said Sho
"…I deserve that." Said Fukuda
"What?" asked Sho
"I deserved that. You yelling at me. You're right. I promised you that I would never say anything even if I was being tortured…and Shimazaki had been torturing me…but you're right. I messed….I fucked up and I'm very sorry. I'll never be able to express how sorry I am…there aren't enough bowls of noodles in the world to tell you how sorry I am." Said Fukuda
"Yeah. You should be. You really should be…you fucking dick hole's…dick hole…like a girl's dick hole! And you can't tell me not to curse if you curse too!" said Sho
"You're right. I shouldn't be a hypocrite…and I shouldn't tell you what you can and cannot say." Said Fukuda
"Yeah…yeah! You should shut your fucking mouth! You never shut up, that's your problem! You…you tell everyone everything…and then you go and make me keep secrets for you! That's so fucked up!" said Sho
"It is. You're right. You're right and I'm sorry." said Fukuda. This was working. Good. Something was working. Fukuda may not have believed every single word that was coming out of his mouth but…but sometimes it was best to tell someone what they wanted to hear. He was the master of it, he figured, since he'd been with Suzuki for thirty years now. Sho was so much like him in so many ways...like now. He wanted Fukuda to say sorry so…so that was what he was going to do.
"You should be." Said Sho
"I am. I really am and…and I don't know how I can ever make it up to you….but I'll try. Just….anything. I'll do anything. Whatever you want." Said Fukuda. He didn't care what Sho wanted. He could live on straight sugar if he wanted to, beat Fukuda up until he got all of the anger out of his system, scream until he lost his voice, kick holes in every single wall, anything. They could even go and see….well…no. Mukai was here. Even though it would have been better for Sho to leave there was no reason to, well, go anywhere. Everyone Sho cared about was here. Sure he had a girlfriend but Sho didn't give a damn about her. He didn't give a damn about any girl-
Any. Girl.
There was a boy in Sho's life now. He knew that Sho wouldn't have just forgotten about the boy who he claimed to be in love with. Sure that boy was Shigeko's biological brother...Fukuda was pretty sure that taking Sho to see the boy counted as playing with fire….but right now Sho needed him. Sho needed him even if he wasn't about to admit it and…and Fukuda had to make it ok for Sho to admit it. Fukuda had to get things back to normal…and if that meant one of their famous Seasoning City trips then so be it. He didn't care if Suzuki found out and finally killed him…or at least hit him hard enough to do damage that even he couldn't heal from, it would have been worth it just to get Sho back.
"I don't want anything." Said Sho
"Are you sure? We could go back to Seasoning City-" said Fukuda
"That's stupid. Why would we do that? Baby sis is here. She's in my house right now…dad's playing dolls with her…it's weird as shit actually." Said Sho
"He's playing with her?" asked Fukuda. He…hadn't been spending much time with Suzuki or the child…but…maybe he needed to figure out how to get back into Suzuki's good graces too. That was…unlike him…and when Suzuki acted like this, strangely, it never led to anything good. Suzuki hated any child who wasn't Shigeko…right? He didn't like the child, he didn't love her, and actually he'd abandoned her the day he met her…so why was he playing with her?
Fukuda had to get to the bottom of this no matter what it took.
"Yeah! It's the weirdest shit in the world! Like…like he's always picking her up and reading to her and…and he calls her by her name. I didn't even get my own name until I was eleven and she's only two and she gets to be Mukai? It's so weird….and….and I have to do all the hamster stuff so I can get back before he brainwashes her or something." Said Sho
"That…would be smart….but she's not the reason I asked If you wanted to go to Seasoning City. I was just thinking that we could go back and you could maybe visit that boy you-" said Fukuda
"Don't talk about Ritsu! Ever! And if you tell my dad about him then…then I'll kill you! If you tell dad-" said Sho. He was shouting, now, loud enough that Fukuda heard the cat hiss and run off someplace. Right. Maybe he had gone too far too fast…but at least he was getting somewhere. He just…had to maybe get there a little more slowly.
"I won't. I promise." Said Fukuda. He put his hands up in surrender. Sho accepted this...his shoulders slumped…but at least he accepted it.
"You've promised me lots of stuff before." Said Sho softly.
"Well this time I mean it. Your dad…he doesn't even talk to me anymore." Said Fukuda. There. He wouldn't have told Sho's secrets anyway but it wasn't like he had anyone to tell. Who did he even talk to these days? The cat? Yeah, that cat was a really big gossip. Anything he told the cat the hamsters would be informed of within the hour. The cat…well that wasn't funny. He was going to keep things to himself this time…or at least he was going to make sure that nothing got back to Sho.
"Yeah, he and Hatori are best friends…but that's not the point! Don't ever talk to dad about Ritsu…or anyone! He's got a family and shit and if dad finds out that I know where he is then he'll torture the information out of me and then Ritsu's going to get kidnapped and I didn't save him just to get kidnapped again!" said Sho
"Sure, sure, whatever you say." Said Fukuda. He crossed his fingers. Sho…he could be so unpredictable. He could storm out or…or tell Fukuda off…or just start breaking things…but he didn't. He perked up, took his hands out of his pockets, and made eye contact for the first time that night.
Progress.
"Good. Now eat dinner…but don't touch the Zootopia bowl! I might eat that…now shut the fuck up and let me work!" said Sho before he ran out of the kitchen, presumably to tend to his hamsters. As soon as he was out of sight Fukuda sat, well slumped, down into a kitchen chair. That was…progress…exhausting progress but still progress.
At least he had Sho back…or his company at least.