Sho had never been this far from home on his own before.
Well maybe home wasn't the right word. He had never been so far from his family. He hadn't been home in years, he didn't even know if the Castle was still there or not, so really home wasn't the word to use. No. He had never been so far from…everyone…in his entire life. He had never been on his own like this before. Sure he'd gone places with just Fukuda before, and sometimes he and big sis would go to Disneyland or something by themselves, but he had never been truly in a new place on his own.
Well not an entirely new place.
He'd been to Seasoning City before, or at least the Seventh Division. This didn't look that different from any other city he'd been to. There were a lot of people and sidewalks and trees, even some of the stores were the same too. This was just…another city…and sure he was on his own but he wasn't a baby or anything. He wasn't even a little kid. He was eleven, nearly twelve, and if he wanted to sneak away to Seasoning City on his own to see his sort of maybe future boyfriend who he liked and who liked him back…well then that was fine. This was fine.
He was perfectly fine and this was a perfectly good idea.
Getting on the train had been the hard part. He'd had to make sure that he didn't stand under any security cameras. Hatori looked through security cameras all the time, he was really nosy like that, and the last thing Sho needed was Hatori being nosy and seeing where he was and then telling dad. He had no idea how he was supposed to explain this to dad Dad…was an asshole…and eh hadn't hit Sho in a while but…well he knew that even with what big sis had said dad was still going to kick the shit out of him. Big sis had told dad that if he ever hit Sho again she was going to leave…but dad didn't have any problems with them leaving…or about leaving all on his own. Sho knew that he was going to be in for it if dad caught him…
So he was just going to have to make sure that he didn't get caught.
Getting off the train was a lot easier than getting on the train. He didn't have to worry as much about Hatori seeing him through cameras here. He had no reason to be watching Seasoning City at all. There was some stuff going on in Tokyo, some powerful guy wanted dad dead or something, so that was where all of Hatori's attention was right now. There was no need to pay attention to Seasoning City. The Seventh Division was still being rebuilt. The builders didn't need to be watched. The Awakened that were helping them…maybe….but there weren't as many of them as there had been before…
Sho wished that this coat had a hood.
Getting off the train had been easy. Getting off the platform was a lot harder. He'd forgotten, actually, that he had red hair. Well he knew, of course, but his best friend was blind and his sister had known him his whole life. Nobody made a big deal about his hair, about how nearly nobody in the world even had red hair, so it was easy to forget…and forget he had. Now with all the looks he was getting…yeah…he wished that he had a hood…but then people would have been staring at him for having his hood up in the middle of summer…the end of summer….or whatever! It wasn't hood weather or even coat weather…but he couldn't take this coat off because he had a short sleeved shirt on underneath. If people saw the scars on his arms then they would stare even more…and the last thing he wanted to do was draw even more attention to himself.
So he walked really fast.
He walked as fast as he could without running. Running drew attention to you, too. Shimazaki had taught him that. Sho didn't know how to teleport, he'd tried and it just wasn't in his power set, so Shimazaki had told him that if he ever wanted to disappear just walk into a crowd. Never un, if you run then people pay attention to you. Just walk like you had places to be. Not too fast but not slow either. Just…walk with the crowd.
So that was what he did.
He walked like he had somewhere to be…which he sort of did. He didn't know where exactly it was that he had to be but he knew that...well he knew that he had somewhere to be. Wherever Ritsu was. This wasn't a school day, at least Sho thought it wasn't. He hadn't been the best at keeping track of the days when he went to school. Mom just sort of woke him up…no…bug sis just sort of woke him up and got him ready for school and stuff. This probably wasn't a school day, though, it was a Saturday. That meant that Ritsu would be…wherever it was that he went on the weekends. Hopefully around where he lived and stuff. Sho didn't know. He didn't know what Ritsu did with him time or where he went or…well a lot of things….
But he could learn.
The thought of learning more about Ritsu…talking to him…it made Sho feel like he was walking on air. He wasn't, of course, he had better control over his powers than that. Dad had even said that he was proud of Sho because of that….not that Sho cared. He didn't give a fuck what dad thought of him…he didn't give a fuck about anything that dad thought about him. He wondered if Ritsu's dad was a jerk to him, too, if that was just what all dads were like. Did they all hit you and tell you that you were the worst son to ever be someone's son? Did they all make you feel like you were the gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe? Did they all love your sister more than they would ever love you even though they had been telling you for your entire life that you were the boy and therefore the most important because you had to continue the bloodline? Did Ritsu's dad ever tell him stuff like that? That the whole bloodline rested on him so he had to fall in love with a girl and marry her and have kids with her?
Probably not since Ritsu wasn't a Suzuki.
Sho didn't want to think about it. About parents, anyone's parents. He didn't want to think about what he should have been doing and what he was going to get in trouble for doing or not doing or…or anything else that dad expected of him. He just wanted to think about…about how good it was going to be when he saw Ritsu again…when he talked to him…when he just…he knew that he shouldn't have been thinking about kissing Ritsu, since he had a girlfriend and cheating was wrong, but he'd already kissed Ritsu once and he liked him a lot and…
And he didn't want to think about that either.
Instead he thought about…well….other stuff! He thought about how hot it was, how sweaty and gross he was getting, how…well how he probably shouldn't have worn this coat. He never left home without it. This came from Shimazaki. His name was even stitched onto the front of it. This used to be Shimazaki but he gave it to Sho…mostly because he thought of Sho as his kid….but still! This was from Shimazaki and…and maybe that was why he shouldn't have been wearing it. Not when he was going to see someone he…liked a whole lot…maybe even loved….or something. He loved Shimazaki. He loved how Shimazaki was always nice to him, how he always wanted to hang out, how he always had fun stuff for them to do…how no matter what happened Shimazaki would always be there and stuff. Also he was really tall and strong and he smelled good and…a lot of other stuff too…but he didn't love Sho back…so maybe he needed to get his own jacket already!
Or maybe not.
It was a good jacket. It kept him warm when it was cold out, there were a lot of secret pockets on the inside, and he had finally sort of grown into it. What if the next jacket he got was too big, or didn't keep him warm enough, and didn't have nearly enough pocket space. He needed the pockets for all of his stuff. Cool rocks he found, capsule toys, snacks, his DS, joints and cigarettes he borrowed from big sis, and whatever else he needed to carry around with him. If he wound up with a jacket that didn't have enough pockets then what was he supposed to do with all the stuff he carried around? Get a bag like big sis had? Or a backpack? Or a suitcase? So if he found a new jacket and it didn't work out then he was going to have to work out a bunch of other stuff and then…and then one thing would turn into another and another and another….
He kept his jacket on.
Sure it was hot and he was getting sweaty but he was going to keep it on. He could feel sweat making his hair stick to the back of his neck, not a good feeling at all. He was all sweaty and gross….he was not taking another bath. He didn't care how sweaty he got and how gross he got. He was not getting back in the tub. Last night he'd taken a bath without fighting for very long with big sis. The last thing he wanted was for Ritsu to think that he was gross…even though he didn't think that not taking baths was gross. He used to take a bath once a week when he'd been little. Everyone was telling him that he was getting older and he needed to take a bath every single day but he didn't get why. Everyone said that he smelled bad but he could barely even smell himself most of the time. Other people took too many baths, that was it, and if it were up to him then he would take baths at most once a month…but it wasn't up to him…and also everyone was telling him that he was gross…
And he didn't want Ritsu to think that he was gross.
So he took a bath last night, washed his hair, and even put on cologne and deodorant even though he didn't need them. He didn't smell bad, he didn't need to take a bath every single day, but…well he didn't want Ritsu to think…all the stuff that other people thought of him. Even his sisters said stuff like that to him….so for Ritsu he took a bath and tried his best to smell good. He hoped that it hadn't worn off. He hoped that Ritsu didn't tell him that he was gross or weird or…or something else mean and tell him to fuck off…maybe this had been a bad idea. Maybe this whole thing was stupid and he needed to get back on the train and just…just run back to Tokyo and hide in his room and hope that dad hadn't noticed that he was gone….
There.
He could feel it, see it, blue. At the corners of his vision…at the corners of his perceptions….that was Ritsu. He was close enough to feel but not close enough to see and touch and…well not touch….well yeah touch…he really wanted to hold Ritsu's hand and kiss him and…other stuff that he wasn't going to ask Ritsu about…and….maybe he should have gone back. Maybe he should have just turned around, ran away and forgotten all about this crazy plan. He looked behind himself….but kept on walking. He just put one foot in front of the other and then just kept on going forward. He could have….he could have turned around…but he came this far already and…and giving up…giving up wasn't an option.
The only option was moving forwards.
So that was what he did. He kept on moving forwards for her didn't even know how long until Ritsu as close enough that Sho, if he wanted to, could have just reached out with his powers or his aura…but not his hand. He wasn't that close to Ritsu…he couldn't get that close to Ritsu. He was walking with that girl he knew, Sho had talked to her before, the one with the long hair. She was a normal person, no aura, and it would have been too much to explain to her about all of this. He didn't know how to swear a normal person to secrecy anyway…and also….also a normal person was the least of his problems.
There. Next to Ritsu. That was another esper.
Sho had never seen that guy before….and he should have. There were plenty of low level espers in the world, people with auras no brighter than Mukai's, people who had to struggle to do so much as bend a spoon, people that were mostly useless to Claw unless they either had really specialized powers, a lot of money, or they could fit into an Awakened jumpsuit. That guy…that blond guy…that blond guy that was walking really close to Ritsu was not one of those people.
That was a natural esper.
A powerful one…one that Sho should have at least known of. He wasn't big sis, he didn't make birthday lists every single day and spam everyone in Claw with dumb stuff like how the chair Olympics were going or who was taking more than their fair share of the desert jello. Sho at least knew, would have known, if there was anyone else his age in Claw…and there wasn't. He was the youngest member of Claw, Mukai didn't count since she didn't have her powers yet, and…and he would have known if there was some other guy his age in Claw…someone cute and…and he didn't think that other guy was cute! Who did he think he was with his blond hair that was kind of messy but now…and his shirt that stuck to him…and his pants that stuck to him….he was way too sticky! And tall! And blond! And…and…and….
And he was walking way too close to Ritsu!
Sho had never had his heart ripped out, not even in Mortal Kombat, but he got the feeling that it felt something like this. Like there was this great big hole in his chest and all of his organs were trying to fall out of it…and…like there was bone sticking out and stabbing his organs and….well his organs would have fallen out his stomach and not his chest but….but….but he was being stupid and this was stupid and…and it wasn't like Ritsu was cheating on him! It wasn't like Ritsu had made him any promises like they would be boyfriends and…and Sho had a girlfriend! So if anyone was cheating, if anyone had done something wrong, it was him and…and…and….
And he was going home.
This whole thing had been stupid. Of course Ritsu had moved on and found another boyfriend…A BOYFRIEND….since he and Ritsu had never been boyfriends in the first place…why'd this have to happen…why didn't anyone ever love him back! Why did every single boy he had ever loved….literally every single boy…just…Shimazaki didn't love him back and Ritsu didn't love him back…and even the first guy he'd ever kissed hadn't liked him back. He hadn't even wanted…it had been the best kiss of his life so far and…and…and why didn't anyone…nobody would ever love him back. Of course they wouldn't. He was Sho. He was….he could hear dad…he was a mistake…he was stupid…he was annoying and weird….he was the worst and…and he just…he just…
He turned around.
He turned around and walked away. He didn't run, running would have just drawn more attention to himself. He walked just fast enough to get away but not fast enough to escape his feelings. He hated having feelings. He hated the way he felt. He hated how he was crying a little. He hadn't told himself to cry but now he was crying and…and he kind of got that whole exorcising feelings thing that dad talked about. Sho hated having feelings and…and he hated being dumb…and he hated being himself and…
And he mostly hated how hard it was for him to blend in.
He hadn't been walking fast enough, that was the thing. If he'd been walking faster, running even, then the blue aura would have never caught up with his red one. That was the first thing that he'd felt. His aura touched Ritsu's. He slowed down…Ritsu was getting closer and…and now he had even more stupid feelings! Now he wanted…he still wanted to see Ritsu…even though he had a boyfriend now and…and he just…he was the worst. He rubbed his eyes. He didn't even know what he wanted at this point. He wanted to run away and he wanted to stay….but most he just wanted to stop crying…so that was what he did. He leaned against a streetlight and wiped his eyes, he shoved his tears back into his eyes where they belonged, and he did his best to get the rest of his bad feelings back inside of himself. He just…he just needed….
He need to calm the hell down before Ritsu saw what him like this.
There were footsteps coming up behind him. He took a deep breath and turned around. No matter what he just…he just had to look happy. He just had to look normal and…and he'd make something up. Like he was checking to make sure that Ritsu hadn't been kidnapped again or….or died…or something. Or maybe he would just say that he had official Claw business or that…that he was a tourist or that he was lost or…or…
He had to make words.
He had to say something, words would have been good, and Japanese words would have been best. He didn't even know if Ritsu spoke any other languages. He didn't know a lot of things about him…hadn't known a lot of things about him…there was so much that he didn't know….so much that he wanted to know…and so much that he had never wanted to know…but he had to get all of that straight right now. Ritsu was right in front of him. He was standing there….how could one person have been so cute….he was looking at Sho…Sho wondered if it was possible to die of a heart attack caused by love….he was staring Sho right in the eye….he kind of had the same eyes big sis did and that part was actually kind of creepy….but the rest of Ritsu was there and he was cute and Sho….he had no idea what to say to the cute guy he was in love with who was standing right there.
Maybe the normal stuff you said to someone when you saw them would be good.
"Hey, what's up?" asked Sho. He wanted to slap himself upside the head the minute he said that. That was somehow the stupidest thing that he could have said. He knew what was up. He suddenly showed up in Ritsu's city, that was what was up, and also…also Ritsu was right to look at him the way he was now…and he was right to put a barrier up around himself like that too. Ritsu…probably never wanted to see him again. He probably wanted to forget about Claw and being kidnapped and escaping…
Wait, no, he knew Ritsu.
Well he didn't know everything about Ritsu like he knew everything about his other friends…but he did know that Ritsu was not the type of guy to just give up on things. He had, after all, gone after the very people that Sho had warned him about. Ritsu could be kind of dumb like that…no…not dumb. Ritsu could be kind of brave. He was brave enough to try and take down Claw, or at least spy on them until he got kidnapped, and he was brave enough to escape…well Sho helped him…and he was brave enough to walk down the street in broad daylight with his boyfriend too! The very last thing Sho wanted was for Ritsu to have a boyfriend but…but that was still really brave…
Ritsu was braver than Sho had ever been in his entire life.
"What's up? Is that all you have to say?" asked Ritsu. He dropped his barrier but…well he didn't drop that pissed off expression from his face. That was like the combination of every single pissed off expression that Sho had ever had directed at him in his life…and fuck Ritsu for looking at him like that! He wasn't the one who-who-who went and kissed someone but then just, like, found another boyfriend! Sho had a girlfriend, not a boyfriend, and he didn't even love her….
Ok. Yeah. He didn't have a lot of room to throw rocks at people and stuff.
"Um….hi?" asked Sho. That wasn't any better than the last thing he had to say…but at least it was something. Ritsu was crossing his arms, now, and he looked just as pissed as ever. Sho had no idea what Ritsu wanted. He would have thought that Ritsu would have been happy…but of course he wouldn't have been. Of course he would have been pissed. Of course…well of course he had no idea what he was even supposed to do…
Of course.
"That's pretty much the same thing as asking me 'what's up', you know that right?" asked Ritsu
"Ok, ok, let me think." Said Sho
"About?" asked Ritsu
"What you want me to say. I mean I thought you would have wanted to see me-" said Sho
"I did want to see you….I mean I do…but….I don't know why you're here." Said Ritsu
"I can go if you want." Said Sho. Leaving was the very last thing in the whole world that he wanted to do…but better to leave now than to stay and have his heart broken any more than it already was. It felt like it was full of cracks and stuff…like when you broke a plate or a bowl or something and then you had to put it back together with gold…only there was no way in hell to put his heart back together…not even if you mixed gold with super glue….
He turned around.
A hand grabbed his. Sho knew who's hand it was. It was sweaty…or maybe his hand was the sweaty one…or maybe it was just so hot out that they were both melting or whatever. Sho didn't know. He didn't know anything aside from the fact that there was a hang in his…and there were fingers lacing themselves around his…and his heart was actually getting glued back together. He could feel it. Ritsu was HOLDING his HAND. He was holding his hand out in public where people could see…like he didn't even care…but of course Ritsu didn't even care. He was brave and…and he was…he was everything and Sho…
Sho was a puddle of goo on the sidewalk.
"I don't want you to go…I just want to know why you're here." Said Ritsu quietly. Sho nodded and swallowed. He didn't know what he was supposed to say or do or even how to say or do anything. Ritsu…Ritsu was holding his hand….this was….wow. This was so…wow. This was all the wow and….and he needed to say something….
"I wanted to see you…and…I don't know. I just missed you a lot and shit and…I didn't know you had a boyfriend and-" said Sho
"Teru's not my boyfriend." Said Ritsu quickly. Sho actually did feel his heart stop that time. So the other guy's name was Teru…he'd heard that name before somewhere but he didn't know where…but the other guy's name didn't matter! He didn't matter at all! The only thing that mattered right now was Ritsu and how…how he didn't have a boyfriend and…and how he was holding Sho's hand….
Holding. Sho's. Hand.
"Oh...that's…uh that's good. I mean I'm not happy that you're single because being single sucks but I'm happy for you…I mean I'm happy that-" said Sho
"You're just here to see me. I'm not about to be kidnapped or the world isn't in danger or anything like that?" asked Ritsu
"No, no, nothing like that. I just…really missed you and…and I like…I mean…" said Sho. Ritsu smiled and looked down…but he didn't let go of Sho's hand. Sho never, ever, wanted Ritsu to let go. He wanted them to spend the rest of their life conjoined like this. He wanted the two of them to be buried together holding hands. If they didn't die at the same time then he wanted the one who died first to be stuffed and put on wheels so he could follow the one who was alive and…stuff. He didn't know why he was thinking about death…maybe he was going to die…maybe this was how he died.
Dying from being in love…that was a good way to go.
"I…really missed you too. Um…do you want to come over to my house? I mean…if you want to…I mean…" said Ritsu. He was red, now, really red, maybe because of how hot it was out…or maybe because Sho made Ritsu as nervous as Ritsu made him. That was…why did the thought of Ritsu feeling the same way about him as he felt about Ritsu make his heart feel like it was going to explode?
But in a good way, of course.
"Y-Yeah…I'd love you-to come over to your house…I mean…I'd love that." Said Sho. He swore that his heart was about to burst out of his chest. He…he was going to Ritsu's house…where he lived and…and then they'd be alone…but in a good way. Not alone like they were going to die alone on a deserted island. More like alone as in…as in he wouldn't be anywhere where someone could see him and see what he was doing…not that he expected them to kiss or anything….but if Ritsu did want to kiss him then fuck yeah! Even if he maybe, really, should not have been doing this.
He had a girlfriend after all.
It was like there was an angel on one shoulder, a devil on the other, and the devil was stabbing the angel through the heart with a sword…or something. He didn't know the exact weapon the devil was using and he didn't think that it mattered. The devil had won, that was the part that mattered, and Sho could feel guilty about it later. Right now….right now Ritsu was still holding his hand….and they were walking together….and…and this was perfect.
He had never been so far away on his own before…and coming all the way out to Seasoning City…it was totally worth it.