Ritsu's room was really neat.
Neat as in clean and neat as in interesting. Sho had never been in another kid's room before and he'd expected it to look like his. Toys and sketchbooks everywhere, mostly, and…well he had been expecting Zootopia bedding. He had Zooptopia bedding, he'd had that bedding since he'd been little, and…and maybe it was weird that he still slept in a Zootopia bed. Ritsu didn't even like that movie very much, anyway, he remembered from when they'd first met. So it would have made sense that is bedding would have been from something else….but it wasn't from anything.
It was just blue.
There was a lot of blue in this room. The bed was blue and the rug was blue and the carpet was blue…it was kind of like if big sis had been allowed to pick a room out. Like if she had been allowed to pick out the colors. She wasn't, not in their room anyway, dad had painted the entire inside of the house blue for her. Well she couldn't pick the colors for their bedroom since they had to share it…and anyway he liked green and that was what he was voting for…he wondered if Ritsu had picked out the colors of this room…it would have made sense since he was an only child.
Well his sister was dead but she was an only child.
Sho made an effort not to think about that. If he thought about it then he might have accidentally said something about it and he had no idea what he was supposed to say. Sho knew that if either of his sisters died then he wouldn't have been able to go on with life. He would have just dug a hole and laid down in it until he died…or maybe thrown himself off of a mountain or into a volcano or something. Something that would get him to the other side so he could see his sister again.
Yeah, he wasn't going to be mentioning anything about that.
He didn't know what he was supposed to mention. How many more schoolbooks Ritsu had than him? He had a big stack of them on his desk, and they were big books too, without a lot of pictures…and not a lot of workbooks either. Sho mostly just had workbooks…and the work in his books was different. Sho was onto his seven times tables now, Tsuchiya said that he would have been a faster learner if he didn't fight her so much, but Ritsu's math had letters in it. Letters and weird lines and symbols and charts and graphs….Sho closed the book. He had been looking through the stuff on Ritsu's desk…and maybe that hadn't been ok…
He really didn't know.
He went through his friends' stuff all the time. Mostly Shimazaki's stuff because he never counted the stuff in his desk but sometimes he borrowed games from Serizawa and Hatori. He didn't go into Minegishi's stuff, ever, because they were still kind of mad about the whole 'going through their phone' thing….people didn't like it when you went through their stuff. That was the point…but Ritsu had so much stuff and Sho…well he sort of wanted to see not only what he kept in his room but also what a normal kid kept in his room.
He didn't have a lot of toys.
There was a toy box in the corner but it had a stack of books on it. School books, it looked like, and some notebooks too. There must have been school stuff in those, they didn't look like sketchbooks at all. Sho had plenty of sketchbooks but he liked to draw…and also he was kind of weird. He never threw anything out, not even old sketchbooks with stupid stuff he drew when he'd been little. Not even toys he hadn't played with in a while. He still had all of his plastic animals, too, and his nerf guns, and also a bunch of other stuff that he hadn't touched in years. Old stuffed animals, toy cars and their tracks, that thing that melted crayons together into new colors…stuff that he didn't play with and stuff that he did…like his Zooptopia figures and his DS and…well a lot more toys than Ritsu he. He had a toy box but no toys were out…actually his whole room was really neat.
He cleaned his room.
Big sis cleaned their room. She did it because she was the only one who cared if their room was dirty and stuff. Sho didn't care. There could have been so much stuff in their room that he had to make paths, like on that hoarding show, and he wouldn't have cared. She was a girl and girls cared about that kind of stuff…or maybe because she was closer to being normal than he was. She had a friend who was their age, Minori was weird and creepy but she was their age, and she went and did things with someone her age…maybe she was the normal one for once. When they'd been little, back in preschool and stuff, he'd been the one with friends. School friends, park friends, pool friends, library friends, more friends than he'd known what to do with. Nobody had ever wanted to play with her because she was weird, they said, and they liked to make fun of her. That was why she was called Mob…because she had been so weird and plain and boring when they'd been little…
They weren't little anymore…and now she was the normal one.
Sho had never felt weirder in his life than he felt now. Big sis being the normal one…that was the weirdest part of this. Not that fact that he was flipping through school books, voluntarily, in someone else's room…not just someone else's room. Ritsu's room. Ritsu his….guy that liked him….a guy who liked him and invited him in and…and now he was here and…and he just….he had to try and be normal. Sho decided to stop looking through the books. Maybe that was weird…but now he had nothing to do. His phone was back home, he couldn't risk being tracked, and without his phone he had nothing to do. Well he had his DS but he forgot the charger. If he drained the battery then he'd have nothing to do on the train ride home…and he needed something to do on the train ride home. Something other than thinking about Ritsu and the hole in his heart that he knew was going to be poked open when he had to leave…even now he could feel the hole being poked. It was like there was a timer over him counting down to when he had to leave Ritsu and-
Ritsu was back.
Sho felt his aura getting closer. He jumped onto Ritsu's bed and tried to look natural…but maybe this was weird. Maybe you weren't supposed to sit on someone else's bed. He stood up. Now that looked even weirder. What was he supposed to do? Standing was weird and sitting was weird…he was weird. He was so weird that, really, the only thing he had left to do was jump out the window and run away so he could be weird on his own and Ritsu could keep on thinking that he was not only normal but someone worth liking!
He eyed the window. It was locked.
The door, however, wasn't. Ritsu had warned him about that. His mom and dad had taken the lock off of his door when Teru started sleeping over. Teru who he was only pretending to go out with. Teru who he could have gone out with if he'd wanted to…but he didn't want to…he liked Sho. Ritsu liked him enough to hold his hand and Sho….he didn't know how he was supposed to leave. It was going to hurt when he had to go so maybe he should have just run over to the window, unlocked it, and then ran away…even though he didn't have the time…
The door was opening.
"He's coming over later, dad! We can all hang out then! I have to do homework now!" said Ritsu as he closed the door. He'd been talking to his dad. His dad had come home early, he said, and Ritsu had to hang out with him for a little bit. That was so weird, hanging out with your dad, like he was your friend or something. Dads were those jerks that lived in your house and hit you sometimes…or maybe that was just his dad. Sho had always thought that, when he had kids, he was never going to treat them like dad did. He wasn't going to be a normal dad, he'd decided, he was going to be a nice dad…
But maybe all dads were nice.
Or maybe it was just normal people. This was a normal people house. Ritsu may have been an esper but his parents weren't. There was only one aura, one other than his, and that was Ritsu's. That didn't mean that he was all alone. He had to remember that…not that he was planning on leaving Ritsu's room for any reason. Nope. This was weird enough for him, being in his room, seeing the rest of his house…well that would have been way too much.
No, this was just enough.
"Sorry about that. My dad gets lonely when my mom's not home, I think." Said Ritsu as he put a stack of pillows and blankets down on the ground with his powers. He reached over to his wardrobe and tried to open it. He was having trouble with the latch. That made sense, a lot of people had trouble with little movements like that.
Sho decided to help.
"It's ok. You weren't gone for that long and…uh…your room is really neat." Said Sho. He kicked himself, mentally, after he was done saying that. Yes, his room was neat. It was interesting and clean, the two meanings of the word neat, but he had no idea if that was even something that he was supposed to talk about. There were weird compliments, right? They weren't always good…right? He didn't know…he felt as clueless as big sis…and that made sense.
Maybe Suzuki's weren't as great as dad always said. Maybe instead of being the most powerful espers ever they were the most awkward and clueless…yeah…that made sense.
"Thanks…uh…my mom cleans it for me." Said Ritsu. He closed his eyes and started muttering something under his breath after he said that. The big folded up thing he had been taking out of the wardrobe with his powers fell to the ground. Sho picked it up and put it with the pillows and blankets. There. Now he'd done something…now it was less awkward…right? Because he'd helped and stuff?
He didn't know.
He wished that he'd had more practice at this. Back when he'd been little, back when he'd gone to school, mom had never let him have anyone over and he had never been allowed to go to anyone else's house either. Dad hadn't wanted him and big sis to mix with normal kids. They were better than normal people, dad had always said, and because of that they didn't need to keep company with normal people. Maybe dad just didn't know how to make friends and that was why he hadn't let Sho and big sis make friends and stuff. He kind of wished that mom had told dad to stop being such an asshole, she was a normal person and she knew how important normal person stuff like this was, but there were a lot of things he wished for when it came to mom. That was just one more thing in the pile.
The very tall pile…taller even then the laundry pile.
"Uh…do you want me to help you with that? I mean I've never put a futon together before…I mean made one…I mean I usually sleep in a bed but I can help." Said Sho. That was polite and it was important to be polite when you were in someone's house. That was something that he hadn't had to be told. Being polite was just what you were supposed to do. There. Maybe he wasn't as clueless as the rest of his family. Maybe he was closer to mom than dad…
Well he had been thinking about running away….
"I can do it. I mean you can help if you want but I can do it." Said Ritsu quickly. His aura was pulled around him like he was scared….and he kind of got it. Ritsu could have been in trouble if his parents caught him. He would probably have been hit a lot, maybe so hard that his ears rang, or maybe even so hard that he broke some bones. Those were the worst. When they broke under your skin and you didn't know if it was broken for sure and, yeah, it would have been easy to take it to Fukuda but then he would have had to explain it to Fukuda and he didn't want to explain it to anyone. He just wanted it to go away but it hurt too much….
Sho helped Ritsu with the futon.
He moved quietly. The last thing he wanted to do was be loud and get Ritsu in trouble. Normally he didn't care how loud he was…but now he had someone else to think about. He didn't care if dad hurt him, he knew that big sis had made him promise not to do that anymore but this was dad, but he did care if Ritsu got hurt. Sho watched him as they both spread out the futon by hand. He was moving like normal…like he wasn't hurt at all…that was good. Fukuda wasn't here. If Ritsu got hurt then he was going to have to get better on his own….and that took a long time. Time that he didn't have to watch over Ritsu….
Sho could have watched him for the rest of their lives….but not in a creepy stalker way.
"Sorry that I only have a futon. I mean I can take bed if you want-" said Ritsu
"No, no, it's fine. I don't mind sleeping on the floor. I was just going to sleep in the woods or at the train station so this is a lot better." Said Sho quickly
"Why?" asked Ritsu
"Because the trains stop running really early here and Tokyo is too far to walk." Said Sho
"No, I mean why not stay at the base in the woods?" asked Ritsu. Sho looked away and smoothed down the blanket even though it didn't need smoothing at all. The whole thing was perfect, like they were in one of those shows big sis watched, the ones where nothing happened and people fell in love by the end but never kissed. Sho'd seen enough of those that part of his brain was permanently melted or burnt out or just dead…or whatever it was that made him think that this was going to go like in an anime. That he and Ritsu would curl up in this futon to conserve body heat and then they would confess their feelings and get really close to kissing but just before they kissed something would interrupt them…
He didn't want…well he did want…but he didn't know what he would do if it actually happened….so he was going to just smooth down the blanket and not think about this at all.
"Because then my dad would know that I'm here…and then he'd kill me." Said Sho quickly. He didn't want to talk about this either. Dad…dad was going to kill him….big sis could keep a secret…and even if dad killed him then that would at least buy Ritsu time to escape…not that he wanted to plan for this. Not that he wanted to plan for anything. Not that he wanted to do anything but smooth down the blanket.
Ritsu thought that it was smooth enough.
"For real?" asked Ritsu as he put his hand over Sho. For real? This? Yeah, this was for real. There was a hand over his and it was Ritsu's and this was the second time today that they'd held hands! And this was the best hand holding of his life! Of course this was for real!
"Y-Yeah…this is real." Said Sho. Ritsu turned red and looked away.
"I meant the thing about your dad killing you….but…yeah. This is…real." Said Ritsu
"Oh! Uh….I don't think that he'd kill me for real. Probably just beat me up a lot. You know, normal dad stuff." Said Sho. Now Ritsu was looking at him again…and he let go of Sho's hand. Why? What had he done wrong? He pulled his hand back quickly. There. At least now Ritsu wouldn't think that he was…he didn't even know….hurt? But he was but this couldn't be all handholding and anyway Ritsu had held his had twice and that was enough handholding for a lifetime.
"My dad doesn't hit me….that's not normal. Even Teru's dad doesn't hit him and he says that his dad's a jerk." Said Ritsu
"Oh….well you guys got lucky then. Most dads beat their kids up. I won't, though, when I grow up and have kids." Said Sho. Why had he said that!? It had just slipped out. When he grew up and had kids…well then now Ritsu would think that he didn't like him! Guys couldn't have kids together, the book said so, you needed a girl for that. That was the only reason he even had a girlfriend, because dad wouldn't shut up about the stupid bloodline, and…and he shouldn't have been here…he was cheating…and Ritsu…Ritsu couldn't know that he was cheating! If Ritsu knew then…then this whole thing would have been over and Sho would have ended up with a hole in his heart just as big as the one Shimazaki made when he was all 'I'll never love you like you love me' thing.
That was the very last thing Sho wanted.
"I don't think that most dads do that. Maybe your dad is just a jerk…no offense." Said Ritsu
"None taken, I know he's an asshole. I don't know why people like him so much. All he does is boss people around and beat them up. No wonder so many people shoot at him." said Sho. He laughed at the end…but maybe laughing made it worse. Ritsu was looking at him, staring at him, and he got the feeling that it wasn't in a good way.
"Your dad is the president of Claw, right?" asked Ritsu
"Yeah." Said Sho. Ritsu was still staring…and now he was getting even closer. He was close enough that Sho could have kissed him…maybe he wanted to kiss. Maybe this was what this was…well it was weird. The last thing he wanted to talk about before he kissed a guy was his own dad. Gross…so gross…but not gross enough for him to be able to forget how fucking amazing kissing Ritsu was…
Please kiss me.
"He got shot? Is he ok? Is he dead?" asked Ritsu. That was…not where this was supposed to go…and also Ritsu sounded really happy about that. Well that was something that Sho could understand. Dad dying would have been the best thing ever. What he didn't get was why Ritsu looked so much like big sis when she was happy about something or excited about something. How her aura was really bright but she only did this little smile….thing…..
Ok. Thinking about kissing was weird now.
"He's not dead, he didn't even get hurt. Shimazaki just teleported him away…that's my best friend. He's really cool even if he did save my dad. Like, ok, he can't see but he can use his powers to get around. He can sense people and their movements but not just what they're doing, what they're going to do. Like he can kick your ass before you even know that it's been kicked! Like there was this one time with a bunch of guys that ambushed dad, well Shimazaki said that there were a bunch of guys, so he took their guns and shot them all in the legs so they couldn't get up and then he-sorry, sorry. That's not a good story." Said Sho. Ritsu was still staring at him but maybe this wasn't the good kind of staring. He was all focused now…
Well of course he was.
That hadn't been a good story to tell. People didn't normally like stories where people got shot and then kicked to death. Also he shouldn't have been talking about a guy he liked to Ritsu, a guy who he wanted to like him….who may have liked him…who probably liked him and wanted to be his boyfriend and then his husband and then they'd be able to kiss all the time and maybe even more than kiss and-
-and Sho needed to calm down before he got even weirder than he already was.
"You can keep going." said Ritsu. He was leaning forward…well of course he was. That was what people did when they were interested in something. Not someone, no, something….and that something was Claw…no. Ritsu wasn't stupid. Sho may not have known him well but he knew that Ritsu wasn't stupid enough to want to take down Claw…to still want to take down Claw…
Even a complete and total moron would have known that taking down Claw was impossible.
"You…want to hear about my friends?" asked Sho. Well that seemed like a normal thing to talk about…yeah. He really was weird. It was weird that he had even let himself think that Ritsu was still doing dumb stuff like that…that he was just…trying to get information from Sho…no. Ritsu liked him.
Ritsu liked him for him.
"I want to hear about Claw." Said Ritsu. That was…the worst thing that he had ever heard in his life. Ritsu…Ritsu liked him for him. Ritsu liked him and…and Ritsu…he had learned! He knew that he would just get kidnapped again. He knew that if he got kidnapped then Sho wouldn't have been there to save him and…and he just…that was even worse…the thought of Ritsu getting kidnapped and…and brainwashed like the Awakened…or awakened…he took a step back.
He needed some space.
"Why the hell do you want to know about Claw?" asked Sho quietly. He had to be quiet. He was only being quiet so he didn't get caught…if he got caught then it would all be over…it was all over now. It was over and…and how could he have been so stupid to think that Ritsu actually liked him for him!
"Because I'm going to take them down and I need to know everything…so keep talking." Said Ritsu
"That's….the only reason you brought me here?" asked Sho. He didn't wait for Ritsu's response. He just turned and walked over to the window. He was going to jump out…he unlocked it with his powers…Ritsu had locked it after he snuck Sho in…and now Sho was leaving. He had to leave. There was a hole in his heart, Ritsu had poked a hole in his heart, and there weren't enough goldfish in his stomach to fill it. This had been such a bad idea….well of course it had been! It had come from Fukuda….
Sho needed to get out of here before he fucked up even more than he already had…if that was even possible.
"Wait! What are you doing?" asked Ritsu as he followed Sho to the window. He put up a barrier…and Ritsu walked right through it. Well he didn't actually want to keep Ritsu out. He wanted to keep Ritsu close, he wanted to be near him, he never wanted to be apart…love sucked. Love sucked and he was going home.
"I'm going out the way I came in." said Sho
"Why? Just…why? You just got here." Said Ritsu. His voice got really high towards the end. He was close, now, close as he'd been before…back when they'd been putting the futon together. Back when Sho had been thinking of how great this was…kissing thoughts…hand holding thoughts…more than kissing and hand holding thoughts. The kind of stuff that he was never thinking about again…ever…or at least not with Ritsu. Shimazaki may not have been in love with him but at least Shimazaki had never pretended to like him…he was always honest…and he was a hell of a lot stronger than Ritsu too! And he smelled better! And he probably kissed better! Not that Sho would ever know…
Love sucked more dick than an out of work businessman in a public bathroom during golden week…and he knew what that meant now!
"Because the only reason you brought me here was to ask me about Claw…which you shouldn't even be going after! You're going to get kidnapped again and brainwashed and…and I won't be able to help you…so just…I don't know…I'm going back to Tokyo." Said Sho. He didn't have to explain himself. He didn't have to say or do anything but leave…but he felt like he owed Ritsu an explanation…and he didn't even know why! What was wrong with him!? Why was he liked this!? He…at least he wasn't crying. That was something…he still had his dignity. He wasn't going to cry….
Even though Ritsu was being an asshole.
"Wait…don't." said Ritsu. He reached out and grabbed Sho's hand…asshole. Now Sho…now he loved…he loved Ritsu…but he wanted to leave! He didn't know which feeling would win…which would lose…well it didn't matter how won and who lost. No matter what happened Sho knew that he was the one who was going to lose.
Stupid feelings.
"I just said that I wasn't going to talk about Claw stuff." Said Sho. He tried to pull his hand away but Ritsu didn't let him. He was stronger than Ritsu…he could have used his powers to shove him away or he could have just done it by hand…but he didn't want to let go…because he was stupid.
"I heard you…and I kind of wish you would….but that's not why I brought you here." Said Ritsu. He was close, now, closer than before…and he put up a barrier. It shimmered in and out of existence. When Sho got closer to Ritsu it disappeared….but when he got farther away…even half a step…it got stronger. Ritsu wanted to keep him near…for information…and nothing else.
"Then…why?" asked Sho. He knew why. He knew that Ritsu didn't like him for him…he knew that he'd been stupid…maybe if he heard it from Ritsu then he could just break down the barrier and break through the window and just…get back to his life. His life where nobody liked him back and he didn't cheat on his girlfriend...and stuff….
Stuff….
Ritsu was close and Sho…he couldn't think. Ritsu was red…and he was red too…so they matched. It was like they were twins. It was like they were twins but also not brothers because that would have been really weird. Brothers didn't do that…he didn't have any brothers but he knew that it was weird…not that he was going to tell Ritsu that…not that he could even remember enough words to tell Ritsu that.
Words…words were really hard by now.
"Because….I like you and I wanted to…be with you…" said Ritsu. He was whispering now…maybe so he didn't get caught…or maybe because that wasn't the sort of thing that you said out loud. Ok…so Ritsu felt the same….RITSU FELT THE SAME! He felt the same and Sho…he was going to have a heart attack. That was it. This was…how could he have been so stupid?! Of course Ritsu loved him and now they could hold hands and kiss and look at each other naked-
Maybe he shouldn't have
"Uh….uh….uh….same here?" said Sho. There. He'd said something…he'd said something that had nothing to do with kissing and hand holding and thoughts that he shouldn't have had right now. He could think…sort of….maybe…maybe he could have….words. He needed to make words…or maybe it was Ritsu's turn now…..
"Same here…I mean…you know what I mean." Said Ritsu
"Yeah…same here…." Said Sho
"So…" said Ritsu. He was closer now…close enough that Sho's eyes couldn't focus on him. Close face…when he and big sis had been little they used to play the close face game…why in the hell was he thinking about his big sister in a time like this?! Ok…Ritsu looked like her…and it was kind of weird but…but….stop thinking weird stuff! Right now!
"So?" asked Sho. He was proud that he didn't end up saying anything weird like 'you look like my sister' or 'we're both so red we could have been brothers' or even 'can I see you naked'. The last thought would have been the worst to say. People…well he had never asked to see anyone naked before but he watched a lot of TV and he knew that girls, at least, slapped you across the face and stuff. Boys…he didn't know the rules with guys…
He'd never had a guy like him back before.
"Do you want to kiss?" asked Ritsu quickly. He muttered and spoke so fast that Sho maybe hadn't heard him. Sho…he'd kissed Ritsu before…he done a lot of kissing before…but nobody had ever asked. Being asked…now it was real…this whole thing was real. Ritsu was holding his hand and he was so close and Sho…all he had to say was…
"Yes!" said Sho. That was all he had to say…and now it was happening. This was happening and…and it kept on happening. Not like when he kissed…that person who he should have been kissing. Those kisses were always short and quick and boring. This was long and wet and not boring…way too wet…but he didn't think that he should have said anything. He just tried to kiss Ritsu back and…and he was kissing Ritsu back and…and his feet weren't on the ground anymore. He was floating away…the only thing keeping him stuck to Ritsu was the hand around his and the mouth pressed against his…he wasn't on the ground now….
He was floating away….
The world was gone. The world had floated away….or melted away…or faded away…or just…the world was gone! The only thing that mattered right now was Ritsu. Ritsu kissing him. Ritsu holding his hand. Ritsu who loved him. Ritsu who wanted to kiss him. Ritsu who was the only boy who had ever liked him. Ritsu who he was cheating with. Ritsu who he was happy to be cheating with. Ritsu who smelled so good…who's skin was so soft…who's aura was so bright. A blue that was both dark and bright…so bright that it drowned out everything else…just a sea of blue and gold…
Gold?
"Ritsu! What the fuck!?" The door was opened. It didn't lock. Ritsu had warned him about that. Maybe he should have paid more attention. That guy was back…and the door was opened…and Sho was on the floor now. He was flat on the floor. Ritsu was standing, still, very still…and then his aura flared out…
He slammed the door…it was too loud.
"Kids? What's going on up there?" shouted Ritsu's dad. Sho tensed up. Ritsu was in for it now…they could run! They could run away and…and he would think up the next part later! He grabbed Ritsu's hand. They could run and…and Ritsu was shoving him, now. The other guy, Teru, was staring and saying a lot of stuff. Sho wasn't listening, he didn't have time to listen. There were footsteps, now, and he was being shoved into a wardrobe…and then the door was closed...
This was…a day….a neat one….or maybe he was just out of words…