The candle went out at midnight. Appropriate, really, that it would be Halloween in one minute. Appropriate that it would bring back memories of another Halloween. Another Halloween, like this one, where I said goodbye to someone I cared about.
I didn't want the memories to come, really I didn't…I didn't want to think about how Collins had held his Angel in her last moments the same way I had held mine…The same way I still held her. I didn't want to remember the words I'd spoken at her funeral, though they were as true now as they had been then. You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends…but it was us, Baby, who were the lucky ones.
We had all fallen apart after that funeral. Roger had run away, Mark had thrown himself into work that he hated, Mimi had disappeared…Our family had died when Angel did and it was never really the same after. Oh, sure. Mark had quit that job at Buzzline that he hated so much. Roger had returned after finding his 'one song.' Joanne and I had reconciled and Mimi was eventually found.
I'd thought that the nights of Angel's death and Mimi's near death were the worst of my life. I was wrong. I was so wrong…This had to top it. I couldn't help but stroke the dark hair that was still in my lap, though I knew she couldn't feel it. I knew she was gone…It didn't matter. I didn't want to let go.
I didn't let go when Mark tried to make me with his soft, caring words. His attempts at making it just a little better though he knew it would never be better again.
I didn't let go when Roger tried to take her from me, tears running unheeded down his cheeks.
I didn't let go when Joanne came to me, wrapping her arms around me and promising that I wasn't alone, that she would always be there for me despite the fact that I hadn't been for her…
But when Collins came to me, looking at me with such sadness and understanding…that's when I let go.
I knew he understood, he'd gone through this before. I knew that if anyone knew how to get through this it was him. He'd always been there for me when I needed him, even when I didn't know I needed him. This was no different. When he wrapped his arms around me and didn't even attempt to tell me it would be okay as the others had…I finally let go.