Title: Forbidden 2/2

Rating: R

Pairing: W/G

Warnings: Contains Giles very adult thoughts about an underage Willow. Non-consensual but sensual.

Description: In the aftermath of S2, Giles deals with the shambles his life has become. Willow is the one light in the darkness.

Notice: No profit will be gained from this story. These are Joss's toys, I just like to play with them.

The Aftermath

What a world class cock up.

Even now, a year later, Rupert could feel Willow's touch. Her warm little hands curled in his hair, the velvet brush of her lips against his, the softness of her hair around him -- the silken heat of her sex.

He remembered every second of his one night with Willow.

Carrying this burden was torture. He deserved no less though. In fact, he deserved worse. Anyone mentioning a hell dimension would not be accused of being too harsh. Touching her was at once the very worst and the very best thing that he had ever done.

Rupert had even the acted the part of the gentleman after the night. Although, he was the very worst sort of villain for defiling the sweet girl with his lust. Yet, he cherished the memory. Something miraculous had happened that night. He'd been doomed to want to repeat it every night of his life.

With a muttered curse, Rupert drained his glass of Scotch. Even the heady euphoria induced by alcohol didn't dilute the memories. No, it threatened the delicate hold he had on his own leash. It took every ounce of his formidable restraint not to go to her, confess what he'd done and beg for a shot at winning her heart.

But Willow had a handsome young man, why would she want an old fool? He wasn't convinced that the boy was the better the choice, though. Oz had put her through hell this past year after he'd learned that she'd been carrying on with Xander. Rupert hadn't been surprised. She'd always loved that boy far too much. Certainly, much more than he deserved. It was hard to not be jealous. Although, it was only a matter of time before the young men her age finally noticed her. While her beauty wasn't the California standard tanned, toned, and blond ideal, she was stunning in her own way. Personally, he preferred her understated beauty.

Whether Willow realized it or not, Oz was pulling away from her, little by little. He was becoming more involved with his music and his friends. He was spending less and less time with her. It was the way young men ended relationships, a gradual slipping away. It usually forced the young woman involved to take matters into her own hands. Men were quite a pathetic lot.

Willow knew nothing of his obsession though. Rupert had gone to great lengths to shield her from it. Her memory had been wiped clean. He'd carefully bathed the evidence of their union from her tender young body. Rupert had made sure that every interaction he had with her was appropriate.

It was exhausting.

The Moment

His fears had come to pass. Willow was alone once more.

She had bloody awful taste in men. She'd fallen for Xander at the tender age of five, when they'd been in kindergarten together. Xander who had been really been in love with Buffy since the first moment he saw her. The poor sod was probably still waiting for his Slayer to notice him. Rupert knew the day would never come. Then, Willow had fallen hard for Malcolm, a demon. Although, the demon had at least appreciated her on some level or another. That relationship ended in death. Her doomed affair with Oz was slowly killing her. It was only natural that he would seek out his own kind. The beast within him craved the violence and loss of control.

She was a broken shambles. Unlike Buffy who preferred to keep her pain to herself, Willow needed to express it. Rupert couldn't let her go on about it for fear that he would offer more than his moral support. The urge to take her in his arms and comfort her was nearly overwhelming…and he knew it wouldn't stop there.

Buffy had brought Willow to his house after she'd been "out of control". Apparently, Willow had been drinking at the Bronze. Buffy had confided that she'd been "a little mean", too.

Willow had slumped down on the couch, looking fragile. Her big eyes were tear-filled. "Giles, I feel so off lately. It's like I'm not even here."

"There is nothing to apologize for, love." The endearment had rolled off his tongue without though. He turned a little crimson. "Are you sure you couldn't do with a spot of rest? Perhaps that would help clear your mind."

"I don't sleep. Not anymore." She took in a quivering breath. "Not without him there beside me. My room just feels so empty."

Rupert's heart hurt for her. He'd felt the same way after Jenny's death. While they hadn't consummated their relationship, but he felt an emptiness in his life, a big hole where she'd been. The only person who could ever fill it was Willow.

Willow looked up at him with suddenly bashful eyes. "If it is okay with you, can I stay here tonight? Spike is at Xander's and this place is homey. I can't help but think about last summer. Do you remember? Would it be weird if I just hung out?"

It was more than he'd hoped for. He wanted to give her what comfort he could. Since she'd gone off to university, she hadn't spent as much time with him. He longed for those long days spent in the library, just the two of them. They used to spend all night together, engaged in research. While they did, there was a free flow of ideas between them, each sparking the other person's mind. Like electricity.

And then, after she was tired, she would sometimes fall asleep at her computer, her dear face relaxed and peaceful. It was one of his favorite things to do, watch her sleep.

Rupert longed for that once more. "Yes, of course you may stay." As soon as the words left his mouth, part of him wanted to take them back. It would be a special kind of hell to watch her pine for her lost love, but he owed it to her to heal her heart anyway he could.

They hours passed by in companionable silence. Rupert had to admit that he was happy she was here. They'd made dinner together, a beef stroganoff. It was a comforting dish that Rupert knew she liked. They watched a program on PBS about tigers and about several tribes in Africa that had worshiped them. Then, they had an animated discussion afterwards on animal possession. They both agreed they'd rather be possessed by tigers than hyenas.

Afterwards, he'd had a glass of wine and Willow had settled for coffee. He swirled the content of his red wine, but found no solution or absolution in its crimson depths.

She'd taken a shower. Rupert had listened to music while she bathed, determined not to think of her in the other room, naked and wet. She immerged from the bathroom, scrubbed and clean and dressed in one of Buffy's spare outfits.

Rupert had made her bed on the couch and even tucked her in. He permitted himself the small intimacy of kissing her forehead before he shut off the light. It was a far cry from the contact he craved but it felt good to touch her once more.

Three sleepless hours later, she appeared in his doorway. The moonlight filtered through the room, adding a sheen to her porcelain skin.

"It's the full moon tonight," she commented. "Oz is probably chained up somewhere."

"Yes, I bet he is," Rupert said uncomfortably, pulling up the blankets on the bed. His chest was bare. He usually slept in a pair of sweat pants – or sometimes less. Thankfully, he had pants on this night.

"Giles, I had the strangest dream, about the two of us."

He cleaned his glasses on the sheet. "A-about you and Oz?" He set them on his nose. The glasses had become his armor.

"No, about you and me."

Rupert was silent for a moment. "What sort of dream?"

Willow watched him with the most unusual expression. Her stare was almost accusatory. "You know what kind."

He wasn't ready to give up quite yet. "Still, why don't you tell me."

"I know what you did to me. Last year."

The color leeched from his face. "H-How? When?"

Willow lowered her eyes. "Two days ago. I did a spell to explore my subconscious mind. I wanted to see if I'd unconsciously done something to Oz, b-but I found out that you—"

"Molested you," Rupert said quietly. "I understand if you wish to call the authorities or perhaps ring up your mother or-"

"Giles, I wouldn't have stayed her, if that's what I wanted to do." She stepped into the room and perched on the end of his bed. "I know why you did it. You feel empty, because of Jenny. You needed warmth and comfort."

"I needed you."

"Come on, Giles. Be honest. I was convenient." She turned her face away. "I was playing with magics and flirting with you all summer. I mean, the outfits I wore—" She broke off. "But that doesn't matter. I don't agree with wiping it from my memory, but I know why you did. I even came here, hoping you'd try something again."

"Willow, it wasn't like that. Yes, I was going through a rough patch. I missed Jenny terribly, but I had also fallen for you. I think I might l—"

"You don't have to lie. I understand. But I want you to do something for me."

"Anything."

"I need comfort, too. I don't know if Buffy told you this, but Oz slept with Veruca. He didn't want me anymore. I-I wasn't…exciting anymore. I need to feel like I'm wanted. I just want sex. Not love."

"But, Willow, I do l—"

She put her fingers against his mouth. "Shh, no more talking. Let's just use each other." With that, she brought her lips to his."

When it was over, Willow left. She'd calmly put herself to rights and walked away without a backward glance.

Rupert showered and dressed methodically, but he was still so cold. He wrapped himself in a blanket and stared at the window sightlessly.

Rupert Giles found himself in hell, once more. Funny, he didn't think it would be so cold.