Comfortember Day Seven: Insecurity

Peter practically skipped his way into the lab, dropping his backpack over to the couch. Tony was sitting and staring holes into his computer and Peter couldn't help but wonder how long he'd been staring at it. Staring at screens too long was bad, especially without glasses. That and Tony didn't even seem to notice him entering.

"Hey, Mister Stark!" Peter said, purposefully loud to get his attention.

Tony grunted in response.

Peter frowned. That was weird. Even if Tony was cranky, he'd at least say 'hi'. Whatever was on the computer couldn't be so important that Tony wouldn't even speak, right?

"What are you doing?" Peter asked, walking over.

Tony shrugged. He didn't even look at him. Peter's frown deepened. That was, again, not like Tony at all. Even if he had bad, really bad, days he still talked and looked at him. His tone might be annoyed or tired but he still spoke.

Peter looked over Tony's shoulder at the computer screen. There were multiple lines of code almost covering the whole screen. Peter didn't recognize the pattern.

He decided on something a bit risky and tapped Tony's shoulder.

"What?" Tony snapped, still not looking at him.

Peter flinched and stepped away. He didn't tap him that hard, it was a light touch.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to know what you were working on."

Translation: I wanted you to talk to me.

"Is something wrong, Mister Stark?" Peter asked, hesitantly. "Maybe you should take a break."

"I can't," Tony said, his tone neutral now. At least that was some progress.

"Why? It seems like you might need a coffee break or something. How long have you even been staring at this?"

"And what business of that is yours?" Tony went back to sounding annoyed.

"I guess it's not…"

Peter was seriously starting to wonder if he should just ask FRIDAY what was wrong with Tony.

"Listen, kid, maybe you should just go home for today."

Peter's heart sank. "But Mister Stark, it's lab day. I won't bother you, I'll work on my own projects."

"I can't...I just can't work with you here right now. Go home."

Peter's heart shattered into a million pieces. Tony had never sent Peter home like that, especially when he just got there. At the very least, Tony would send him upstairs to do something but he never told him to leave the Tower all together.

"Okay…"

Peter sighed and left Tony alone, grabbing his backpack and sluggishly leaving the lab.

The day had been great. Peter was so excited to tell Tony about his day, almost brag about the A+ he got on his Spanish test. To tell Tony the new ideas he had for his suit. He even stood up to Flash today and that's something he was really excited to tell Tony about, since the man was always prompting him to do so.

All of that excitement and happiness went away and didn't come back for the rest of the day, even when May took him out for Thai.

XXX

"Boss," FRIDAY interrupted Tony's workflow. "I believe your attitude towards Peter may have done some damage."

Tony sighed and leaned back in his chair, removing his hands from the keyboard to rub his eyes. He didn't need FRIDAY to tell him this. He could tell from how dejected the kid sounded the whole time.

"I know," he mumbled.

"I believe you should contact him," FRIDAY said, her voice surprisingly stern. She had grown so much, he was proud of her.

"I will but not right now," Tony said. "I can't."

"You should."

"I can't!"

Tony felt a pressure build in his chest and his throat clogged. He closed his eyes and did some breathing exercises. The memories of two nights ago wouldn't go away. They kept haunting him over and over, kept reminding him that what happened was his fault. His fault, his fault.

"I don't expect you to understand, FRI. No offense," he added quickly.

FRIDAY said nothing, not that Tony blamed her. He deserved the silent treatment.

Tony leaned forward and hid his face in his hands. Perhaps not the best idea to close his eyes because he had flashes of what happened two nights before.

All Tony could think about was that Peter could've died under his care. He didn't build a suit strong enough to protect him. He thought he had but he didn't if Peter was that close to death. It didn't matter if the kid had super healing to help him. He could still die just like every other human.

And Tony's technology didn't help him. Tony created Peter's suit to keep him safe and enhance his already incredible abilities. Instead, it did nothing. It didn't protect him. Just like how Rhodey's suit also failed him during the Civil War. Tony didn't know where he went wrong but he was damn well determined to find out.

He was going to update Peter's suit to something better, just like he did with Rhodey's.

Tony had to keep his kid safe and alive at all costs.

XXX

Peter heavily debated on going to the Tower again. It had been three days since Tony snapped at him. Tony hadn't given him a phone call or even a quick text. There was no indication that he felt remorseful for shouting at Peter and sending him home. This made Aunt May angrier the longer Tony stayed silent. This made Peter more miserable.

Peter wanted to believe that Tony was just so wrapped up in whatever it was he was working on that he couldn't call. Besides, there was no way Tony was only working on that. He probably had other SI business to take care of along with Iron Man business. Peter wanted to believe that was why there was silence.

It was hard to believe.

He was slowly going back to believing that Tony Stark only took Peter under his wing because he pitied him. That Tony only saw him as some poor kid in Queens who happened to also be Spider-Man.

And at first his mind did also think that it was because of Spider-Man that Tony kept him around. It was what he thought in the very beginning of the mentorship and Tony was always quick to turn that down. It may have been like that when Tony first recruited Peter but then he wanted Peter Parker, not just Spider-Man. It took a lot of convincing but Peter finally believed it.

Now he just wasn't sure. Maybe it was all an act, all of it.

May told him not to go to the Tower until Tony apologized. He was at fault, she had told him. He made Peter miserable, not the other way around and so Peter didn't have to go to Tony.

But Peter couldn't sit around anymore. As he swung to the Tower, he was mentally preparing himself to be told to go away again. He was getting ready to be rejected and told that he wasn't allowed to go back to the Tower after this visit. Although he was preparing himself, his heart still ached at Tony turning him away permanently. The faster he got this over with the better.

"FRIDAY, where's Mister Stark?" Peter asked when he entered the building.

"Boss is currently in the lab," FRIDAY replied. "It's good to see you again, Peter."

Peter smiled sadly. "Thanks…"

Peter took the elevator down to the lab and it suddenly felt like he was walking through mud as he walked into the lab, every step slow and small. His throat was clogged and his heart was beating uncomfortably fast.

Tony's back was to Peter, no surprise. But he wasn't looking at his computer anymore. As a matter of fact it was turned off and Tony was sipping on what Peter assumed to be coffee.

He opened his mouth to ask him what happened but instead, he said, "What did I do?" His voice was broken.

Tony flinched and turned around. There were bags under his eyes and he looked like he'd been running solely on coffee and probably nothing else.

"What?" Tony asked, furrowing his brows, clearly confused.

"What did I do?" Peter repeated, a bit stronger this time. "Why did you throw me out? How- how long were you planning this?"

"Kid, what on earth are you talking about?" Tony asked, taking a single step forward. "Planning what?"

"Planning on getting rid of me!" Peter didn't realize he shouted until he saw Tony's eyes widen. He continued. "I know I can be a handful, Mister Stark. I know I talk a lot and get into trouble and-"

"Peter, stop. Listen to me," Tony interrupted, softening his voice.

"Just tell me what I did that made you want to get rid of me! I'll get better. I'll work harder. Just...What did I do?"

Tears finally spilled from Peter's eyes as he sobbed. It was almost hard to breathe thanks to the lump in his throat. Normally, he hated crying in front of Tony but he couldn't help himself this time. All that preparation was for nothing. He was a mess.

"Pete, kiddo…"

Tony placed his hand gently on Peter's shoulder and prompted him to look up but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He kept staring at the blurry floor and tried to calm his sobbing.

"You have this all wrong," Tony said, softly. "I was never planning on getting rid of you. That's not why I snapped at you that day. I wasn't trying to get you out of my life."

"B-but you didn't contact me at all after I left! You didn't send one message!" Peter accused.

"I know," Tony sighed. "I was just so focused-"

"I know you get focused on your projects, Mister Stark, but that's never stopped you before!"

"Look at me, kid. Please," Tony prompted, holding Peter's chin lightly and tilting his head up. "I want you to listen to me closely. Don't interrupt. Do you understand?"

Peter had a hard time keeping eye contact, hating that he couldn't stop his flow of tears, no matter how hard he tried. He sniffled but nodded. Tony loosened the hold on his chin but didn't let go completely.

"I was working on fixing and updating codes in your suit. I was putting in more safeguards," Tony started, keeping his voice calm and gentle.

It was hard for Peter not to interrupt and ask why but he managed.

"Kid, you almost died in my care because something I created for you failed," Tony continued, somber. "I felt guilty, ashamed. I was so angry with myself that I didn't create something completely safe for you."

Peter couldn't help but open his mouth to interrupt this time, because he knew what Tony was talking about, but Tony placed two fingers on his lips to shush him.

"No interrupting, remember?" Tony said. Peter nodded and Tony removed his fingers. "I decided after we got back that I was going to upgrade your suit to something better, stronger and safer. I didn't want to be distracted while working through all the coding because I didn't want to miss anything or put in something that shouldn't be there."

Tony let go of Peter and sighed. He rubbed his eyes and took a shuddered breath. Peter tilted his head but kept his mouth shut.

"I know that didn't give me the right to yell at you and send you home," Tony finally continued, lowering his hands. "I was just so focused on trying to keep you safe that I wasn't thinking when I spoke. It wasn't my intention to make you feel this miserable or make you feel like I was trying to get rid of you."

Tony held Peter's cheeks and started to gently wipe his tears away with his thumbs.

"I could never get rid of you, kid. I love you."

It was as if time stopped at the three words. Peter didn't think he'd hear them after he was sent away

"Really?" Peter asked, uncertain but hopeful.

"Absolutely. And I'm so sorry that I made you feel this way. I promise I'll do better in the future to prevent this."

Peter almost wanted to apologize for accusing Tony of wanting to throw him out but he knew Tony would shut that down. Because Peter had nothing to apologize for. Tony had something to apologize for and he did. He did and he even went as far as telling Peter he loved him.

The waterworks started again and Peter's sobbing resumed. He shouldn't have let himself think of the things he did just because of one instance. He should've known better. But after having lost important people in his life before, how could he not think of this? It seemed like a very real possibility.

"Aw, Pete...Come here."

Tony pulled Peter into a warm hug. He kissed the top of his head. Peter tried to stifle his sobbing and leaned into the hug.

"Please, kid, if you ever have these kinds of insecure thoughts, talk to me. Please. Talk to me and we'll work through it together."

Peter nodded and mumbled into his shoulder, "Thank you, Tony. And I love you, too."

Author's Note: This turned out longer than I thought it would, oops. I'm not complaining though xD

Now, I have a feeling there's gonna be someone who's like: "it's not gonna take one moment for someone to get insecure blah blah". Well, let me tell you. As someone who suffers from insecurity (among other things), it really can take one moment for those insecurities to shoot through the roof. It's awful. Plus, Peter has had bad luck with father figures, so it makes sense why he'd be nervous about possibly losing Tony too.

Anyway, I think tomorrow might be another Iron Bros chapter! We'll see.

That's all for now. I'll see ya'll in the next chapter.

Thanks for reading!

~Kurosaki