CIRCLES

CHAPTER ONE: LOST AND FOUND

IMPORTANT AUTHOR NOTES: The first two chapters of this fic are about ressurected!Cordelia, and are a prolouge to the later chapters. They tie up lose ends from Angel season 5, and are set running parrallel between "You're Welcome" and "Not Fade Away". If you'd prefer to skip the prologue and get straight into post-NFA action (although I'm quite fond of the prolouge and I think it's necessary) with the fang-gang and stuff, then skip to chapter 3, where there is a short summary of the first two chapters, so everything'll make sense. This fic is not an Alternate Universe fic, despite the ressurection of Cordelia, as I went along with what happened in You're Welcome and just interpreted it in a way I thought would make a cool story, and I haven't actually changed (at least to my knowledge) any canon information. It's also a very long fic. You've been warned :)

Innocent sunshine turns cold and blue

A window shatters

A beautiful song note quivers and dies

The pages of a book tear

A warrior bleeds

A panther roars in fury

Then all is silent

The sun rose but a little higher in its morning journey and suddenly everything changed. A building's shadow had kept it away before but now the sun was tall enough to reach through a dusty window and illuminate a room. What was cold and dark was now blessed with light, and everything looked different.

The taps on the sink were no longer rusty and leaking, now they glistened as light sparkled off their wet surfaces and hid the rotting chrome. A clock on the wall was now visible, and the hands that were unseen in the darkness now clearly spelled out the time. Pots and pans on the bench were flooded with brightness, food and grime from a night before now shown.

The room filled with light in an instant, all that was black before was now tainted with colour and all purity was snatched away.

The sunlight streaming in the window hit a place where it could not go. The light was there to conquer the darkness, as it had done for countless mornings before, but now something blocked its path.

There was something in its way, something that for an instant the morning light struggled with, and then was swallowed by.

More light. Pure light.

And then it was gone, and the light broke away.. and continued on its journey as the earth circled around the sun as though nothing had happened, and all had remained the same.

Cordelia opened her eyes. Her vision was blurry and colours mixed into one another like a bad painting. She blinked, trying to focus, and objects in front of her began to clear. There was a bench beside her, and she seemed to be lying on a floor. A tiled floor.

How strange.

The ceiling was grey and cold, and a dirty window was on the wall above the counter where dishes were piled untidily next to a sink.

A face came into view; a girl's face. She had messy black hair and hazel eyes and wore an expression of fright and confusion. She was holding a strange looking bat in a threatening position, as if it were a weapon. Cordelia looked at the bat – she'd seen ones like that before, but for the moment she couldn't remember where. She felt a little dizzy.

Cordelia looked up at the girl again. "Um.. hello?" She said uncertainly, discovering her voice was scratchy and dry and that speaking caused her pain. She put her hand up to her neck and suddenly realised she was naked. Stunned, she looked down at herself.

The girl had obviously noticed Cordelia's lack of clothing, and pushed a pile of unfolded clothes toward her with her foot. Cordelia reached forward and grabbed them. It suddenly occurred to her she might have been kidnapped, or worse, and edged away from the girl. She pulled on the garments, a pair of baggy sport pants and a white t-shirt. After she found out what was going on she most definatley needed to get some better clothes.

She tried speaking again. "Who are you?" She said slowly, talking still hurting her throat. Her legs felt weak and painful, and as she tried to stand they gave way and she fell down hard. The girl dropped her bat and came over to her, taking one of her arms and helping her up. Cordelia grabbed hold of the bench with her other arm and finally came to her feet.

The girl looked sad now, and as Cordelia steadied herself against the counter she walked towards another cupboard and took out a glass, which she filled with water from the sink. She handed it to Cordelia, who took small sips.

"Thanks.." She said after she'd drunk half the water, "but you didn't answer my question. Who are you? And where am I? What did you do to me?"

The girl looked uncertainly at Cordelia. She then sighed and put her hand to her mouth. She then made talking actions with her other hand and then shook it. Cordelia looked at her, confused. "You can't speak?" She asked. The girl nodded.

"Oh.. well.. we're going to have a problem then aren't we?" She said, almost to herself, but the girl was reaching into her shirt and pulling out a chain from around her neck. She showed it to Cordelia. It was a thin sheet of silver, engraved with symbols and designs, and there was a word carved in cursive letters in the middle.

Eleanor

Cordelia looked at her. "That's a pretty name." She said softly, suddenly feeling a surge of pity for her, despite the strange situation.

Eleanor's mouth twitched, as though she wanted to smile but didn't have the energy, then she took Cordelia's arm and lead her slowly through a door into another room. This room was even smaller than the kitchen, and Cordelia guessed that they weren't in a very big house. There was a small table and one chair, and Eleanor guided Cordelia into it, then left the room. The décor was very different from what she was used to, so Cordelia peered around trying to understand what was so alien about it, and get a bearing on where she might be. She looked back though the door into the kitchen and saw the strange bat Eleanor had been holding when she had woken up. She turned her head to the side, trying to remember...

A.. cricket bat! That's what it was. She'd seen one before back in the gym in Sunnydale, not that she'd ever played cricket, or even really knew what it was. She looked around again; there was a fireplace on one wall, and a cabinet in the corner of the room nearest the window. She looked through the window. The glass was very dirty and Cordelia could only see a little bit of a plant of some sort outside. On the cabinet in the corner were piles of large thin black books. Cordelia reached over from her seat and picked one up. She opened it to the first page and gasped. A beautiful woman's face was drawn there, surrounded by more of the symbols and patterns that were on Eleanor's necklace. The woman in the drawing looked similar to Eleanor, but her features were slightly different. It was her smile, however, that had taken Cordy's breath away. She'd never seen anything like it – it was so pure and genuine. So wonderful, and so beautiful. She stared in awe at the picture for a few moments before finally turning to the next page.

Eleanor came back in, holding a chair and another sketch book and some pencils. She stopped when she saw Cordelia holding her book, but did not get upset. She simply looked sad again and put her chair down next to Cordelia's.

Cordelia put the book on the table. "I'm sorry." She said, but Eleanor shook her head, as if to say that it didn't matter. She opened the book she had carried in with her, and flicked through pages that were already filled until she came to a blank page. She pulled out her pencil and began to draw.

She was an exceptional artist, Cordelia saw at once, as she quickly sketched out a drawing of her kitchen, and a glow of light eminating on the floor. She pointed at the light, and then at Cordelia.

"This is how I got here?" Cordelia asked.

Eleanor gave a sort of half shrug, as though she wasn't sure. Cordelia leaned forward, and touched Eleanor's hand. "Why don't you just write it down?" She asked.

Eleanor smiled a sad ironic smile and shook her head again.

"You can't write anything down and you can't speak?" Cordelia asked her incredulously. "How.." she paused, looking into her eyes, and then looking away apologetically, "how sad."

Eleanor put her hand on Cordelia's cheek and looked into her eyes again. She held Cordy in this gaze for a few moments, before sighing and pulling away, reaching for the book on the table. She opened it to a few pages in.

Pictured was a girl in a white dress standing in a brightly coloured garden, singing. Her black hair came down to her shoulders and her face was alight with emotion. Musical notes surrounded her and a stream of light came down on her from the sun in the sky. She looked so happy, and so beautiful.

Cordelia looked up at Eleanor. "This is you?" She asked, and Eleanor nodded. She turned the page, revealing another image. There was no colour in this picture, but the same girl was still featured. She lay curled up on a dark grey floor, her dress torn and ripped, her hair matted and messy. Darkness surrounded her. Her face was just visible, her eyes wide and hopeless, tears running down her cheeks. She did no longer look beautiful – she looked gaunt, empty and robbed. The musical notes from the page before were now scattered on the floor, shattered and broken.

"You lost your voice?" Cordelia asked softly. Eleanor frowned slightly. She wiggled her right hand, as though to say sort of.

Eleanor shook her head and sighed again, taking the book away and shaking her hand as though to say it wasn't important. She looked at Cordelia, pointed at her, then at the door that lead into the kitchen, then lifted her hands – asking a question.

"Oh! My story? I mean – why was I lying naked in your kitchen?" Cordelia's expression grew troubled. "I have no idea. All I remember is waking up there."

Eleanor pursed her lips, and squinted at Cordelia, as though trying to decide if she was telling the truth. She shook her head again, as though she was giving up finding out anything rational. She pulled out her necklace again and pointed at her name, then at herself, then at Cordelia.

"What's my name? Oh right! My name's Cordelia Chase and I'm.. I'm from Los Angeles, California."

Eleanor raised her eyebrows, as though this startled her. She gestered for Cordelia to continue.

"Um.. well.. what's the last thing I remember.." Cordelia continued.. skrewing up her eyes and thinking. Then suddenly everything hit her like a bucket of ice cold water.

She stood up. "Oh my god!" She said and then touched her body and patted herself down as though checking everything was still there. She looked down at herself, then up at Eleanor as though seeing her for the first time. "Oh my god!" She said again.

"I'm alive!"

"I'm alive! I'm alive!" Cordelia shouted, smiling and yelling in joy. Then she stopped and looked puzzled. "I wonder why."

Eleanor's face was almost expressionless, as though this was no news to her and everything seemed to be a midly amusing television program, but she continued to look at Cordelia, who was now talking to herself.

"I died!" She was saying as she paced back and forth. "I was supposed to.. I came back, I saved Angel, and.. then.." she looked around as though she had lost something. "Why am I back? Am I still dead?" She stopped pacing and looked at Eleanor. "Is this heaven? Or hell? 'Cause I've been to both and this doesn't seem like either. It's much too boring."

Eleanor raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, well no offence, but it's a little bare in here." She looked around again, then back at Eleanor. "Where am I?"

Eleanor looked at her strangely for a moment, her sudden outburst of speech and movement (not to mention to crazy announcements) had left her feeling slightly confused, but she pulled herself together. She reached for her book and pencil again, and drew for a few moments. She showed the image to Cordelia.

Cordelia stared at the picture. "England?" She said after a while. "I'm in England?"

Eleanor nodded. Cordelia looked around and then sat down again. "Oh well that explains a lot."

Eleanor felt slightly offended by this, and took back her book, in which she had drawn a union jack and placed it on the table. "When? What's the date?" Cordelia asked, but Eleanor found this harder to convey. Finally she found a newspaper from a week ago, and counted forwards until they reached the current date.

"Five days." She said softly. "Only for five days. Last week I died in Los Angeles, and today I'm waking up in England. Seems a little sudden." Cordelia put her hands on her face, her brow screwed up in worry. "Think bubblehead, think.

"If I'm back, then I'm supposed to be back." She took a breath and lowered her hands. "The Powers sent me back for a reason, and now I have to find out what it is." She looked at Eleanor. "And what you have to do with it."

Eleanor didn't reply, and simply looked downwards at her hands in her lap. Cordelia squinted at her. "Did you bring me back? How did you.. Who are you?"

Eleanor gave a resigned, guilty kind of sigh and stood up. Something was at work here she didn't understand, that might be her fault, so she might as well not make it any harder for herself. She walked towards the door that lead away from the kitchen and gestured for Cordelia to follow her. Cordy got up out of the chair again and walked slowly over to her. Eleanor opened the door and they went inside.

The room was cluttered.

A huge red pentagram was painted on the floor, and around the circle were bottles, books, pots, dishes, bowls, bags and bits of plants. There were crosses and ornaments in a box in a corner, and knives and spoons lay on the floor in front of them. There was a stool in front of a large cauldron in another corner of the room, and a great long painting was on the far wall. Two women, both with black hair, one curly and neat the other straight and unruly, were depicted at either end of the frame. Their hands were outstretched toward each other and a ball of light was centred in the middle, between their fingers. The woman with curly hair had a bleeding cut on her cheek and the girl with straight hair was crying, but both women's expressions were neutral. A border of red thorns surrounded them.

"You're a witch?" Cordelia said, looking around in surprise. Eleanor's expression was unreadable, but after a moment she gave a small nod. Cordy raised her eyes from the symbol on the floor to the painting on the wall, looking at the girl with straight her. "That's you." She said. It wasn't a question, so Eleanor did not reply.

Cordy pushed her own hair back from her face, "But you didn't bring me here."

Eleanor paused, then shook her head. She gestured at Cordelia and then spread her hands.

"Do you know who the Powers are? The Powers That Be?"

Eleanor made a dubious expression, as though she had heard of them but didn't really believe.

Cordelia said "Hm.."

Eleanor tapped Cordelia on the shoulder and gestured around the room. She raised her eyebrows in question.

"You want to do witchcraft?" Cordelia asked, confused. Eleanor nodded at her. "What would you do?" She asked. Eleanor gestured towards Cordelia.

"You want to use witchcraft on me?" She said in shock. "What do you have to get me to fill out some forms first, is that why you're asking?"

Eleanor rolled her eyes in frustration, then looked back at Cordy and wiggled her hands again. She made more gestures with her hands, but Cordelia was floundering in the dark. "Oh god this is hard." She said, and tried to make sense of what the mute girl was saying.

After a few trial and errors she said, "You.. want to do witchcraft for me?" Eleanor nodded, smiling slightly. "To do what?"

After a few more minutes of furious gestures and confusion Cordelia finally said "To help me to figure out .. why I'm here? Why I'm back?"

Eleanor nodded emphatically. Cordelia looked at her with great respect "You can do that? Find out what I'm supposed to do?" she asked. Eleanor shrugged, but looked confident.

Cordelia looked around and pursed her lips. "Well, it's sure been useful for us in the past.. I guess I've never really had anything against witchcraft.. well.. ok that's not true.. there have been loads of things.. especially that time with the legion of crazy females lusting after my ex-boyfriend.." Eleanor raised her eyebrows. "Nevermind..

"Well I suppose so," she said after a moment, "It's not like I've got anything to lose. I've already died, and look where that got me - naked in the kitchen of a mute English witch." She shrugged. "Why not?"

Eleanor had been grinding herbs, powders and liquids with a mortar and pestle for over an hour, and Cordy was starting to get a little impatient. She was trying not to talk too much, but she felt slightly nervous, sitting in the middle of a large red pentagram while a strange (and not entirely un-creepy) girl she didn't know prepared a spell to use on her. Talking was a way for her to calm down, well – that was the theory anyway.
"I didn't really go to hell, by the way. Just in case you were wondering. It was a hell dimension, which is kind of different I guess. Actually, they made me a princess. Which is.." Eleanor didn't look up, but Cordy could see her eyebrows were raised. ".. um.. doesn't matter." She said after a moment. She kept apologizing when she began to babble, but Eleanor seemed to like the noise. As she tried to keep her eyes off the dead rat Eleanor was currently disembowelling, she couldn't help looking fixedly at the ceiling and speaking her mind.

"You know, the funny thing about being dead is.. well – I wouldn't know because I don't remember any of it! I mean, you die you should get some sort of out-worldly experience right? Don't they owe you that much? Big bright light, candles – that sort of thing? What do I get? Nothing. Big old headache and a taste of kitchen floor." She looked over at Eleanor, who was now stirring her cauldron with what looked horribly like a human bone. Cordelia really didn't mind the magic part of this, she was more nervous about finding out the reason for her return to earth.

She was worried something had gone horribly wrong and that her (and the Powers) plans to help Angel had been fruitless, not that she'd been gone very long. She just had a gut wrenching feeling that something terrible had happened, or was going to happen, and she'd be powerless to stop it. She took a big breath and tried to remind herself that her questions would be answered soon. Hopefully. Aside from her nerves she also felt irritated, so she continued her diatribe.

"It's like - the last thing I remember is saying goodbye to Angel in my big moment of emotion, drama and death; my final goodbye! What's the point of a final goodbye if there's going to be another "hello"!" She paused, trying not to think that maybe there wouldn't be one. "I mean, not that I wanted to die and stay dead.. and well – being alive is great and all but.." and she raised her hands up in the air in frustration. "I'm telling him all about my path and my destiny and the greater good then it's all for nothing because I don't die properly! I mean what about my off ramp! There was an off-ramp and I was on it! I was getting off and now I'm back on again and I just don't understand!" She put her face in her hands.

"Death is just so unfair."

Eleanor coughed. Cordy looked up at her. "You can cough?" Eleanor gave her a withering look, and gestured for her to hold out her hands.

"We're ready?" Eleanor nodded. "Finally!"

Eleanor dipped her fingers into the ceramic mixing bowl and scooped out a large gob of yellow paste. She put a dab of the goo into the each of Cordelia's palms, and then took out a stone from her pocket. The stone was round and clear and looked vaguely familiar. Cordelia looked at it. "Hey – is that – is that an Orb of Thesulah? Because I've already got my soul, see – no lack of soulage! I'm soulgirl – just look at me. Soul, soul, soul. Hell I could even start singing I'm so soulfull! Um.. I'm starting to get nervous now, can you tell?"

Eleanor ignored her comments and mimed talking the orb into her hands and then bringing it to her forehead. "Ok.." Cordy said, reaching out for the stone. Eleanor held up a finger. Not yet.

"Right." Said Cordy, pulling her hands back. "I'm good. Good is me." She looked up at Eleanor. "Hey, doesn't most witchcraft involve saying incantations? I mean, doesn't all witchcraft involve speaking? Won't that be a little hard for you, what with the whole not being able to talk?"

Eleanor shook her head, and took out a knife from her pocket. Cordelia's eyes widened to the point of no return, but before she could panic Eleanor was sliding the knife across her own hand, making a deep gash. Blood pouring from her wound she moved closer to Cordelia.

"Uh.." Cordy said, suddenly feeling trapped and helpless, two feelings she did not like. Eleanor looked into her eyes. Trust me.

Eleanor squeezed her hand and blood rushed down her wrist. She opened her palm and put her hand on Cordelia's forehead. Cordy suppressed an "eww" as the blood dripped down her face, she had dealt with worse over the years – she could handle this.

Eleanor had got to her feet and was walking over to the cauldron, which was issuing a cloud of red smoke that climbed upwards and hovered around the ceiling. She had picked up a talisman off the floor and now held it over the simmering pot in her blood covered hand. There was a huge booming sound and the smoke in the cauldron suddenly turned a deeper red. Cordelia looked up at Eleanor's face.

The grief stricken young girl was gone, and in her place stood a powerful sorceress, cold and terrible. Her eyes were glowing black and her face was raised towards the ceiling. Her hair blew around in a non existent wind, and Cordelia was strongly reminded of Willow.

So much for words, Cordy thought, as Eleanor lifted her arms and dropped the talisman into the cauldron.

Cordelia had looked away, expecting some kind of monstrous explosion, but when none came she opened her eyes and looked back. The smoke was now white and Eleanor had moved over to her again, again looking meek and unimportant. The room was eerily quiet, which in some ways was worse than the bangs and booms of earlier. Eleanor was wrapping a white bandage around her cut hand, and looking at Cordelia. She held out the Orb to her. It's time.

The glup on her hands touched the Orb and Cordy felt her fingers go numb. The fear she had felt before was now gone, and all that mattered was finding out her path. What was she doing here? Why was she back? What was she supposed to do now?

Cordelia lifted the Orb up to her forehead and touched the blood on her skin. Everything changed.

..stand alone..

Light streams down into a lush green garden. Mountains loom in the distance, so far away, and yet so close. They rush towards her. The earth turns around.

..walk alone..

She stands on top of a building, the cold wind brushes against her body, she's alone. Voiceless. She feels empty and useless. A voice is lost somewhere in the distance, she wants it back. A flash of darkness, a woman's face, and then she is gone.

..fight alone..

Wood and dust. A book lies protected. A diamond on the cover. A red apple on a desk, a shining green light. Blurry figures. Writing, dreams. Metal pyramids. Paris.

..die alone..

Numbers. Dates. Times. A clock ticking.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4..

..stand together..

She is in a room with a girl with messy black hair. She cut her hand. Blood everywhere. Eleanor. Lying on the floor, a bright light surrounds her. They are with her, but they are not.

..walk together..

A barren sky, a long road. Death and darkness on one side of the road. Light and beauty on the other. A dark figure at the end of the road. Light and darkness, turning around. Spinning forever. The earth turns around.

..fight together..

Night turns to day. A book opens, a diamond shatters. Lightning cracks overhead. Four figures stand in an alley, an army approaches. The roof falls in. Two people stand in a room, fighting against each other.. with each other.. against the world. Darkness conquers. The world cracks open. Chains again are bound. Fire burns, ash blows away the lies. The promise is not gone forever, but lost. The earth turns around once more.

..live forever..

Cordelia slumped onto the floor, breathing hard. A hand was on her arm, helping her. She looked up. Eleanor aided her into an upright position, and then sat down next to her. Cordelia shuddered with the weight of her knowledge. She laughed a small ironic laugh and wiped her bloody forehead. "They never just tell you what's going to happen, or what to do. It's always confusing and unclear.." she looked deeply into the witch's eyes, as though trying to find some comfort "..just like life."

She took a deep breath. "I'm back for a reason, this is what was meant to happen. I know that much at least." She looked around. The ceiling was charred with red soot and the pentagram on the floor was no longer there. There were drops of blood on the ground and the air smelt like cigarettes and copper. "Thank you for helping me." She said, and meant it. There was something between them now, a strange bond that didn't feel as alien as it should have.

Cordelia stood up, Eleanor supporting her.

"Well.. time to go save the world..

..after a shower and a change of clothes anyway."

She was trying on her seventh pair of pants. They had gone shopping, Cordelia dying to get a feel for English fashion ("I may never get another chance!"), despite the impending doom. Eleanor needed to pick up a few things from the local boogie boogie store, so she had agreed to help Cordelia by paying for her clothes. She drew the line at seven pairs though.

She waved her hands when Cordy reached for an eighth pair. That's enough.

Cordelia looked robbed. "If I'm going on some epic journey of terror and torment and and.. hey - destiny! I have to be well prepared and well dressed and," she started to plead as Eleanor's expression grew impatient, "well.. we're going to be travelling a lot I suppose, and I don't have any clothes."

Eleanor opened her wallet and showed Cordelia the contents. Cordelia sighed. "Ok, ok, I get the picture. We'll just take these and go then." Eleanor rolled her eyes and took the garments over to the counter.

It was a strange thing, to have your world (however crappy it was) turned upside down and to suddenly feel important and needed, when you didn't know why. For Eleanor it was as though all of a sudden the universe was giving her a second chance, and she felt almost selfish accepting. There were things that would never leave her, demons that she had to deal with some day, but for now an opportunity to get some sort of a life back had presented itself and Eleanor wasn't stupid.

At the same time Eleanor was thinking of her future, Cordelia was analysing her new friendship. She was at a loss to explain why the two of them were helping each other so suddenly and so readily. Usually there was scepticism and mistrust and all those other things; but now there seemed to be a mutual lack of understanding that was binding them together. They both had their reasons, albeit Cordelia's involved the greater good and forces beyond her control, but they were both committed, and that was enough for now.

After paying for Cordy's clothes they left the shop and went out on the paved city street (Cordelia had learned they were in Brighton). "Are we done?" Cordy asked Eleanor. The sun was setting in the sky and whilst she could spare a little time for shopping, Cordelia really needed to get a start on saving the world. Eleanor held up a finger, almost, and led Cordy down a side street. Cordelia had some clothes now, but she really wanted to get some weapons. But she knew that she needed to get to mainland Europe and she didn't think she'd get through customs armed to the teeth, so she figured weapons'd have to wait.

Eleanor knocked on a door half way down the street. The paint on the door was peeling and when it opened a stench of stale beer filled the air. A pub, and from the look of it, a private establishment. Eleanor didn't look very old and Cordelia couldn't imagine how she ever got a door pass, but they entered without any issues. She gave Cordy a very meaningful look as they crossed the threshold, and she immediately saw why.

It wasn't a conventional pub by any stretch of the imagination. There were shifty looking characters everywhere, masses of people in black hooded cloaks, and what seemed to be a whole table of witches in the centre of the room. Cordelia was amazed anyone could just walk into this place off a city street, but then, England seemed to be a pretty messed up place, so a pub full of mystical weirdos was probably comparatively normal.

There was not a lot of noise, as people kept their conversations quiet; there was sort of a mixed murmur filling the room. "Ok, I'm creeped out," she mumbled to Eleanor, as they walked over to the table of witches. An elderly woman with a dark green shawl and a long hooked nose looked intensely at Cordelia, then at Eleanor, then sighed. "It didn't work?" She asked the mute girl, rising from her chair and moving over to them. Eleanor shook her head, her face expressionless. "What are you going to do now?" She said, glancing again at Cordelia.

Eleanor did not reply for a moment, then began to use very rapid sign language, which the old witch clearly understood. After a few moments Cordy couldn't stand being left in the dark any longer.

"What're you saying? What are you going to do now with what? What didn't work?" She asked.

Eleanor stopped signing and looked slightly ashamed, then she walked away and sat down at the end of the table. The woman turned to Cordelia. "She wants to help you, she feels as though your arrival might be her fault. She's very confused, and she apologizes for not being able to explain things herself."

"I don't understand-"

"I can't tell it all, it is not for you to know now. She will come with you and help you, and you will help her. You are bound together."

The woman looked up just above Cordelia's head for a moment, then smiled. "Your love will guide her, and you will both find what you need the most."

"For some bizzaro reason I feel like a pawn on a chess board. Can't imagine why in a million years I'd feel like that. Me of all people!" Cordy said as she and Eleanor they left the pub half an hour later. "I'm groping around in the dark, and there's some giant hand in the sky giving me shoves in what I hope is the right direction every now and then." They turned down another street, Eleanor quietly looking down at her shoes as they walked.

"I don't like feeling like I don't have a say in anything. What's the point in life if it's all decided before we even get there?" She sighed, and gave Eleanor an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry Ellie - can I call you Ellie? – I talk too much; all my friends would definitely tell you I talk too much." Eleanor waved her hand in dismissal, and smiled sadly. I don't mind.

Cordelia snorted, "You'd be the first one," then she also smiled and said, "thanks.. I know this is all very strange, and you seem to be taking it all very calmly, which in itself is strange but then again you-"

Her sentence was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a man standing in the alley in front of them. He wore a long black trench coat and he was smiling.

"Evening ladies," he said as they halted warily. "Need help getting home? Two beautiful young women such as yourselves shouldn't be wandering around at night unprotected. It's a dangerous world." He grinned even more, and suddenly his face changed. His forehead contracted, his eyes turned yellow and two sharp fangs grew from his teeth. "Very dangerous."

Cordelia groaned and rolled her eyes. "Do English vampires always talk this much? I mean really! Back home you'd just be swooping in and trying to bite us, but no, you Brits have always gotta get in some kind of a line. What's up with that?" She tipped her head to the side. The vampire was looking apprehensive now, and didn't approach any further. Cordelia filled in the gap for him, walking forward slowly with confidence – she didn't have time for this crap.

"That's right facial boy, I know what you are, and I am not afraid of you." She said, putting her hands in her pockets and looking totally relaxed, "Surprised?"

"Slayer.." He said slowly, retreating a few steps as she advanced on him. He snarled at her. Cordy was stunned momentarily, and a little flattered, but recovered quickly enough for him not to notice. "Got it in one." She had a sudden inspiration. "Name's Faith. I've come across the sea for a little European vacation. A little sun, a little dust. Maybe you've heard of me, I happen to be a psychotic killing machine, very unstable.. and you." She said coldly, leaning forward, "are in my way." She glared at him. He ran.

Cordy didn't have time to go after him, so she laughed quietly and turned to Eleanor, who seemed to be in slight shock. She stared down the alley after the vampire, then with her mouth still slightly open, looked back at Cordelia.

"Am I really a Slayer?" Cordelia smiled, and continued on walking. "Nope. I'm just a girl."

Cordy didn't like ferries. They bobbed and swayed too much and she always felt like she was about to tip over. They made her nauseas. Eleanor didn't notice the boat, she was only looking at the sea. It played a sort of music to her, a calming melody that was so quiet it was more felt than heard. The water was smooth and silky, flowing peacefully on forever until something interrupted it causing everything to change. A ship like this one would barge on through and the waves would split directions and break upon the ship's bow, spilling off into an ocean of vastness. There was no finality. No absoluteness; it was always changing. It was beautiful.

Cordelia watched her mute friend staring into the distance, an expression of wonder just visible on her usually well-masked face. That was a good sign, she'd been very un-sociable since they'd passed through customs. Cordy looked down at the passport in her lap.

"Sandra Dolbeer" it said, and showed a smiling portrait of the woman in Eleanor's drawings. Her sister, who Cordelia assumed had passed away.
Cordelia had needed a passport to get across the sea, to reach Europe, and Eleanor had had one. The woman did not look a lot like Cordelia, but they had made it through anyway, and now they had started their journey.

Cordelia felt strange passing as Eleanor's older sister, for starters she had had to put on a fake British accent, and she hadn't been very good at it. The main thing troubling her though was the effect it was having on Eleanor. The girl had turned even more withdrawn than before, and Cordy had been starting to think that nothing could revert her depression. She looked like a girl whose past was following her around all the time, haunting her. Grief sometimes did that to people, but Cordelia knew better. People that you'd lost didn't want to see you suffer because of them, they wanted you to remember, but not to regret.

Cordy sighed and went back to focusing on trying not to throw up. They had left Brighton, travelled to Newhaven, and were now on the ferry to Pierre in France. It would take them four hours to reach the Continent, then once they reached Pierre they would need to find some sort of transport to Paris. Cordelia had been trying to figure out what the message the Powers sent her meant. She knew how important it was, whatever it was she had to do. She knew she had to go to Paris, she knew something important was going to happen there.

When she slept she had dreams of a temple, high up in the mountains. She kept dreaming that she was standing on top of a building, and that a great rush of wind would blow her off and she would fall. Then she would wake up, covered in sweat and convinced she was still plummeting from that great height. Cordy didn't know what this meant, maybe it was just a dream, but regardless - it scared her.

When they reached Pierre, Cordelia and Eleanor managed to book a ticket on a bus that travelled to the country's Capitol. They were beginning to run out of money, and Cordy had no idea what they were going to do for accommodation once they got to Paris. Sometimes she wished that the comic book superheros were more like the real heroes; she could really use a rich benefactor with unlimited resources and technology. The Powers were a bit stingy when it came to saving the world. Cordy thought of Wolfram & Hart, and sighed. All that money and her friends.. a phone call away really. But she knew that she couldn't go running off to Angel, that would unravel everything she'd worked for.

She imagined talking to him again, "Hello Angel. I'm not dead! How was your summer?" and snorted. Life was a real bitch sometimes, never simple, never easy; always painful. She couldn't escape it. It was a prison, and she was trapped. She hadn't wanted to die, but a part of her wanted some sort of comfort. She didn't have that anymore. She'd wanted to stay with Angel, to be there with the rest of them; Wesley, Fred, Gunn, Lorne.. but she knew it had been her time. At least she thought she had known. Now she was back in the game, but she was alone and confused. And burdened with responsibility and worry. She couldn't imagine going back home and finding no one there. She couldn't deal with that.

Cordy tried to break her depressing train of thought, and watched Eleanor for a few moments, her eyes still fixed on the sea, her face a brick wall once more. Cordelia followed her gaze and spotted land approaching. We're here already, thought Cordy, picking up her bag and moving over to stand beside the dark haired witch.

Paris was wonderful. The two girls stood at the top of a street packed with people, shops and life and looked whimsically down at them. Well, Cordy looked whimsically down at them. It was a beautiful city, full of life, colour, (fashion) and happiness. A romantic city. Cordelia sighed, forcing herself to walk past a large and expensive-looking shoe store. As much as she had always wanted to come here and shop, and do all of those wonderful other Paris related thingies; she had a lot more important things on her agenda.

They wandered down the street, Cordy not really having any clue on where they were supposed to go to now, and Eleanor being her usual silent following self. They passed a building that looked strangely familiar. Cordy stopped and stared up at it. Her mouth dropped open. She knew that building, or at least she knew one that looked identical to it. She read the sign out the front;

Wolfram & Hart

Mandataires À la Loi

It looked exactly like the one in LA! Cordy couldn't believe it; it was just too weird! She then remembered that Wolfram & Hart were a very large, very evil and probably very boring organisation, so diversity and style were probably not high up on their architecture priorities. Cordelia then experienced a very strange sensation. She looked at Wolfram & Hart and her mind filled with thoughts of the man she had left behind, half a world away. She felt a terrible emptiness inside herself, and for the first time in her life Cordelia felt an uncontrollable urge to rush inside those big shiny evil doors and beg for help. She wanted to go into Wolfram & Hart.

She felt tears rushing to her eyes, and she tried desperatley to focus her feelings on something else.. guard herself against emotions like these. The Powers didn't give you a second chance at life so you could throw it all away, she told herself. Angel was across the other side of the world; going in there now would ruin everything. You can't be with him anymore.

Eleanor touched Cordelia on the arm, bringing her out of her reverie. "Sorry," she said, ripping her eyes away and continuing on, "Letting go of old memories."

They caught another bus, this one was a free service ("Thank god!") that circled around parts of the city. Cordy was hoping that she'd get another clue or reminder on where she had to go now, and she wasn't disappointed. The bus passed an enormous old building, where a crowd of people were scattered around a large courtyard, which was decorated with fountains and large sculpted pyramids. They had been in her vision. Cordelia's eyes widened and she gaped through the bus window.

The bus pulled over, and Cordy grabbed Eleanor's arm and raced to the doors to get off among the crush of other people who had the same idea. Cordelia had instantly recognized the building, aside from it being in her vision - it was famous. She berated herself for not remembering it earlier. The Louvre. The most famous art museum in Paris. In Europe. It was spectacular, and she had found it.

She felt a wave of relief as the two of them entered the courtyard, Cordy explaining to Eleanor that this was one of the places she saw in her vision. They paid and entered, opting to go on a guided tour in a hope of not wandering around blindly. It was a big place. There were paintings and carvings and loads of beautiful and historical things to spend time gazing at, but Cordy was only looking for purpose. For her questions to be answered.

After around half an hour of Cordy trying to hide the fact that she was gnawing on her liver with nerves, their tour stopped at a glass box where an old, dilapidated book was perched on a large black pedestal. The woman guiding the tour turned to them and spoke in her thick French accent. "This is one of our recently donated items. The period from which it came from is yet to be determined, but it is very fragile, suggesting its great age. The language has not been identified or translated, so we really don't know that much about it. It remains somewhat of a mystery for us! Hopefully it will not take too long to solve, however." She smiled at them, "Now over here we have-" The woman moved off, the group looking over the book briefly, and then following her. Cordelia and Eleanor, however, remained. This was the book, this is what they came here for.

The cover showed a great blue diamond, half in shadow, half in light. Cordy stared at it. "This is it.. this is what we.. wait.. how the hell are we going to look at it now?" She looked around. They were in one of the most heavily guarded buildings in the world, and this was a rare and probably incredibly valuable item. "Dammit!" Said Cordy in frustration, realising her situation. What the hell was she going to do now? Plan Cordy, plan! She looked around wildly, Eleanor now staring at the book and squinting. "See anything?" Cordelia asked her, "Got any ideas?" Eleanor shook her head, but did not look up. Cordy wanted to swear really loudly, and break things, but she opted for catching up with their tour, as loitering near an object they had half a mind to steal was probably not the smartest move.

Afterwards they went to a café nearby; Cordelia collapsed at a table and put her face in her hands. She needed her team with her! She needed Angel. She needed help! She needed a god damn plan, and her brain just didn't want to provide! She had felt so relieved at finding that place, then to be stumped like this; it was a real blow. She lowered one arm, resting her head on her left hand, and looked at Eleanor, who was a cup of drinking tea and watching Cordy with emotionless eyes.

This girl was all she had. Eleanor had to be able to do something to help her, why the hell else was she here? Cordy felt kind of selfish and bitchy thinking that, but her pensive and frustrated mood was getting the better of her. Cordelia's anger turned skyward. The Powers. The Powers and their damn not-getting-to-the-point-directly-ness! She wanted to smack somebody.

Eleanor stared at her. She looked really upset, perhaps brought on by Cordelia's angry fracial expressions. Eleanor had a "I wish I could help, but I can't" look on her face, that caused Cordy a sort of internal pain. This girl was starting to remind her of herself, back when she was pathetic and useless and always getting in the way. Not that, Eleanor was any of those things really..

Cordy tried pulling herself together; she couldn't give up this easily, she'd been in worse pickles than this. Of course, in those situations she'd had her close friends with her, most of whom happened to be highly heroic and built for dealing with these problems. Now all she had was a depressed anti-social witch from England, who was only staying with her out of guilt. She needed someone she trusted, someone who could help her out, someone that wouldn't mess up Angel's plans. She needed..

Cordelia's eyes were drawn to two people that had just entered the café. They were both women, one had long dark brown hair and walked with great confidence, the other had red hair and was smiling broadly. Arm in arm, the two came inside and walked over to a table and sat down, acting like a normal couple in love. As striking and beautiful as the dark haired woman was, it had been the red head that had stolen Cordy's attention. She knew this person very well, she had most of her life. Willow.

Cordelia sat in shock, Eleanor now eyeing her with some concern. The dark haired woman stood up and went over to the counter to order drinks, Willow watching her go with a smile on her face. Her gaze fell from her partner, and she automatically looked around the rest of the room. Her eyes met Cordelia's. Willows mouth opened in shock.

They sat there for a few moments, staring at each other. Cordelia finally regained her composure and stood up, bumping her legs on the table. "I'll be back in a minute," she said to Eleanor, rubbing her thigh, and moving over to Willow's table. Willow's mouth was still open, and her expression was growing almost terrified, as Cordelia came closer.

"Hi," she said. Willow didn't reply.

The other woman had come back from the counter carrying a tray laden with cake and coffees. She stopped and looked at Cordelia. "Who are you?" She said, putting the tray down on the table, but not taking her seat.

"I'm Cordelia Chase. I'm an old friend of Willow's." She said, still reeling from the shock of this uncanny coincidence. She held out her hand. The woman didn't take it. She stared at Cordy.

"You're who?" She asked, now starting to look surprised and somewhat dangerous.

"..Cordelia Chase. We.. we used to go to school together." Said Cordy, looking back at Willow for some support, but Willow still seemed to be incapable of speaking.

The woman shook her head, taking a menacing step forward. "You're not Cordelia Chase."

Cordelia raised her eyebrows. "Really?" She said, and put one hand on her hip and tilted her head to the side.

"Cordelia Chase is dead. We got a call last week. She died in a coma, over in Los Angeles." The woman put her hand in her pocket, and Cordelia felt almost threatened.

How do I explain something even I don't fully understand?

She took a breath, and a stab in the dark, and then said, "Yes. Yes she did. But this week there's been a development, and she's come back to life after some extremely wacky circumstances. She's not dead anymore. She's standing right in front of you.. and she's.. speaking in third person." Cordy made a face, then recovered and said, "I'm Cordelia Chase. Always have been and always will be. You're going to have to trust me on that, because it's the truth."

The woman stared at her, then looked at Willow, noticing the stunned, incapacitated expression on her lovers face. "Willow?" She asked, touching her arm. Willow flinched, and looked down at the woman's hand on her arm then back up at Cordelia, her eyes still wide in shock.

Cordelia gave her what she hoped was a sort of encouraging smile, "It's me Willow. You know it is."

They looked at each other. Finally Willow spoke. "How?" She said softly, looking confused and upset, "How can.. how.. does Angel know?"

Cordelia looked down at the ground. "No. No he doesn't. And he can't know."

"What? Why not – he'll, he'll be over the moon! He was so upset about it he couldn't even call people - he made Wesley do it!" Willow's youthful energy was once more coming back into her face as she spoke, and the surprise and shock was fading.

"It's complicated. Hang on a second," Cordelia turned and beckoned for Eleanor to come join them. She picked up their drinks and carried them over to the table. "This is my friend Eleanor – Eleanor this is Willow.. and..?"

"Kennedy," The dark haired woman introduced herself, still not shaking anyone's hands. She pulled over a couple of chairs, eyeing Cordelia and Eleanor with suspicion.

The four of them sat down, and Cordelia began to explain.

"So.. so now what are you going to do?" Willow asked once she had finished talking. Cordy sighed.

"I don't know," She rubbed her hand on her forehead, "I came here because of my vision, expecting to be able to.. I don't know – figure out what I have to do! I mean, I know Higher Powers deal in the cryptic, and I didn't really expect the road to be laid out before me so that all I had to do was pass go and collect my 200.. but.. I'm lost now! I know I need to get this book from The Louvre, and well – it's a virtual impossibility for me to steal it, plus even if I somehow managed to get it it's written in some crazy ancient language that the world's best nerds haven't yet been able to decipher, so what hope do I have?"

Willow's eyes brightened. "Well I haven't had a go yet, and I'm a bigger nerd than all those nerds put together!" She looked a little defensive, "In a good way that is."

Kennedy put her arm around Willow's shoulders. "Always," She said softly. Willow smiled, and then continued on, "But as far as getting the book it looks like we've got a problem.. oh wait! No we don't!"

Cordelia's eyebrows shot toward her hair line. "We don't?"

Willow looked excited, "Well I'm not sure what we'll do about deciphering the book, I might be able to help, but well we'll have to see. But - I know of a way for us to get it – or at least read it."

Cordelia's eyes widened. "You do? How?"

Willow sat back in her chair and grinned, "It's pretty basic magic. I create a glamour! Which is like – a bubble, that sort of stops time. Or, well suspends time, you know, so like, when you use it, you're in a bubble of time. Like a second passes outside the bubble, but within it, you've got like – ten minutes."

"Great! I mean – wait, how would that help?"

"Well.. we go into the museum, I put up a glamour, we steal the book.. or that being illegal and wrong we just take photos of the pages or something.. and well - without anyone noticing, so we won't get in trouble and yes! Yes it would help, and work! I think yes, anyway." She gave the half smile that was so characteristically Willow that Cordelia could've kissed her! ..Except that that would've been wrong and icky and Kennedy probably would've beaten her to death with her own shoes..

"Well, so do we do this thing?" Cordy asked, leaning over the table.

"I'd need a few things, I'm kind of low on supplies, but it shouldn't take too long for me to get stuff. There's always a glamour crystal.. I hear there are a few of them around, but it's probably a lot easier and.. well cheaper if I do it the old fashioned way." She paused, and then gave Cordelia an explanation look. "Spells and stuff."

Cordy nodded and then turned to Eleanor, "Umm.. it's just a question, but could you have done this sort of thing? Put up a glamour? I mean you are a witch, wouldn't that be something you could do too?"

Eleanor took an audible breath then shook her head and waved her hands in front of her face in a defeated sort of way. Cordelia raised one eyebrow, but Willow cut in, saying kindly, "No.. for for glamours you have to speak magic words and stuff.." She looked apologetically at Eleanor. "You have to do that for most small magics."

"Oh." Said Cordelia, looking back and forth between the two witches. "So, so there's a lot of magic you can't do, Eleanor? Because you can't speak?"

Eleanor sighed and nodded. Then she looked off in another direction, reverting to her depressed, non-involvement state. Cordelia felt another pang of sadness for her, but then her thoughts switched to more important things, and she turned back to Willow.

"Is this glamour thing evil? I mean, is there any danger.. doing one?"

Willow shook her head, "Well no, it's more of a neutral sort of spell. I would usually be able to just whip one up like – right now, but I've been low on supplies since we dealt with this witch-slaying demon a few weeks ago.."

Cordelia raised an eyebrow. Willow looked darkly at Kennedy, "He was really not nice and.. well he was rude too! Said a whole bunch of nasty stuff and.. and he stole most of my stuff.." she paused, and then with a menacing glint in her eye finished with, "bastard."

Kennedy smiled at Cordelia, patting Willow on the arm in a commiserating sort of way, "I killed him."

Cordelia nodded, a little intimidated by her brusque-ness, and said "Good for you."

Willow had returned from her momentary spark of anger and was back in the conversation, "I've got some connections, it shouldn't be too hard to get stuff. I don't know many people here in Paris though. We were just stopping by here, we're actually living in Brazil," she shot Kennedy a smile, "but we were planning a surprise visit for Buffy and Dawn, who are in Rome. And well," she looked a little bit guilty, "coming to Europe – you can't pass up the chance to come to Paris.. romance capitol of the world and all.." She looked at Kennedy again, and the two exchanged a loving look.

This made Cordelia feel all hot in the face, and was happy when Willow severed their gaze and continued speaking, "We've only been here a couple of days, we were planning on staying until Saturday. But – seeing as this is all really serious stuff, I s'pose we can stay longer. Help you out."

Cordelia said, "You don't know how much that means to me. Thank you."

Kennedy was squinting at them, "We're staying in a hotel not far from here, we can pay for rooms for you two."

"That would be so wonderful. We are totally running out of money! ..And - um.. yes, well - thanks." Cordelia finished, and Kennedy nodded in acknowledgement.

Willow looked like she had just remembered something, "Hey, Cordy – you remember last time we saw each other, back when you guys let Angelus out and he was trying to kill everybody-"

"It wasn't me!" Cordelia cut in. Willow looked a little confused.

Cordelia explained. "My body was hijacked by an evil higher power that used me to sleep with Angel's son in order for get me pregnant so it could give birth to itself, leaving me in a deathly coma that I never really woke up from – only.. sort of I did.. with the whole saving Angel thing.. but then well no I didn't 'cause of my death and all and.." she took a big breath, "I just wanted you to know it wasn't me.. because of how close you came to getting killed by.. the thing that was me.. but wasn't.."

Willow stared at Cordelia.

"Not that it was me, like I said, the whole – higher power thing. I, she.. it.. it threw a knife at you as you were leaving my bedroom, when you remembered how you could save Angel – it nearly got you! The knife that is! I just wanted to say I was sorry, and I.. this is weird, I'm sorry.. a.. again." Cordelia was wincing, all of this information having come out wrong and badly strung together - like one of Spike's poems.

Willow's eyebrows contracted, then she shrugged. "It's not weird Cordy. Nothing's weird anymore. It's – well actually I already knew. Not about the whole.. you trying to kill me thing – that's a newbie, but I did know about the higher power thing. Angel told me when he.. when you.. um.." She looked uncomfortable. Cordy looked away.

"Are you sure we can't tell him? He's so.. lonely and.. and.. well you know how he is." She looked sad, and reached out and touched Cordy on the hand.

Cordelia looked up at the ceiling; the emotional brick wall she had been trying to build around her personal feelings was starting to fall down.. not that it had been much of a barrier in the first place. She sat for a moment, then she said, almost to herself, "Yeah I know how he is.." She sighed deeply, and looked back at Willow. "That's why we can't tell him."

End Chapter

References/Quotes:

(it's a fan fic, I'm allowed to borrow.. cough steal cough lines & ideas!)

"..Everything seemed to be a mildly amusing television program"

I really like that description, so blushes I borrowed it.. anyway.. Luna watches Harry on the train in Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix and JKR says that she's watching him like he was a mildly amusing television program. I liked it.

"The local boogie boogie store,"

Stealing from the source! Angelus says this, or something similar, in season two Buffy.. I think maybe in Passion?

"Hello Angel. I'm not dead! How was your summer?"

More stealing from the source, this time from my favourite ep of ANGEL season five, Damage; Spike says to Andrew (miming what he would say to Buffy about his return from death), "Hey Buffy, I didn't burn up like you thought." In a ironic kind of way, because of his sacrifice and such he's not about to go running off to her. The same sort of situation with the backfromthedead!Cordy thing, so..

"It looked exactly like the one in LA!"

This is not really a quote, but I thought I'd include it in case people were scratching their heads, and didn't pay attention during The Girl In Question (the ep with Spike & Angel running around Rome looking for Buffy) where they go to the W&H in Rome and it's totally identical to the LA one. I figure that'd be universal.

"..Badly strung together - like one of Spike's poems."

Not a quote at all, but I just want to say that I actually like spike's poems (yes, I'm probably one of the few) – and I'm just taking the piss, so don't take that one as a slag on him. I love Spike. A lot. Who doesn't?

NEXT CHAPTER: Illegal activities, slayer memories, different dimensions, astral projection, a couple of phone calls, bit more about Eleanor, someone wants a giant band-aid, the plot thickens, things gets a bit chilly.. and Cordy finally gets some answers to all those deep meaningful questions! Ooh, and we get closer to NFA! Which means "closer to Angel and the gang". Yay!

Liked it? Hated it? Suggestions? Think you know what might happen next? Please review!