Comfortember Day Nine: Fear

Peter Parker liked to put on a brave face. He liked to pretend that he wasn't afraid of things, that he could handle anything. Because he was Spider-Man and everyone thought Spider-Man had no fears. He had the guts to go against armed criminals every day, not caring that he may get hurt in the process.

And so, when Peter was asked if he was afraid of things, he'd put on his Spider-Man act and say he wasn't.

But the truth was, Peter did have fears. He was afraid of things. He was afraid of losing Aunt May, the only blood family he had left. He was afraid of losing Tony Stark, his mentor and father figure. He was afraid of losing his closest friend, Ned Leeds, and his (soon to be) girlfriend, Michelle Jones.

That wasn't all. Peter had other fears that didn't include losing those he loved. Every time a building shook too much, no matter what made it shake, he felt a jolt of anxiety rush through his body. Anxiety and panic would start to run through him if he was in enclosed spaces. It was like he couldn't breathe.

Peter was currently in a situation right now where he was on the verge of a panic attack.

He was on a patrol when he noticed a building start to collapse. He didn't know what caused it, perhaps a bomb of some kind even though there was no sound indicating one. Either way, he knew he couldn't stand by and watch, despite the anxiety rushing through him as he watched the building start to go down.

So, Peter swung to the area and helped evacuate the occupants inside, shoving debris inside and making large holes in the walls (which wasn't helping the building at all) to make more exits for people.

"Karen, is there anyone else inside?" he asked his AI, his voice wavering as he looked around frantically.

"No, Peter. Everyone is outside. I suggest leaving immediately and practicing breathing exercises."

"Right, okay, yeah-"

Peter's plan was just to create another shortcut in the building, too shaken to find a real door to go out of. He did succeed in making a hole big enough for him to fit through but the ceiling finally collapsed, leaving him trapped and surrounded by debris.

"Oh, god, oh god…"

"Breathe, Peter. Practice the breathing exercises Mister Stark taught you," Karen encouraged.

Peter sat with his knees pulled to his chest, back leaning against the crumbled wall. The only difference between this and the Vulture incident was that debris wasn't entirely crushing him. It was more so like being trapped in a crumbled box. There were no holes and so light couldn't shine in. He might've felt more encouraged if he could see the light, knowing all he needed to do was push some things out of the way.

Why was he always trapped in the dark? Why was he always alone? Of course he would never want anyone to suffer in this small space with him, but the simple idea of suffocating in this tiny space made him sick to his stomach. It was hard not to throw up.

He tried to do the breathing exercise Tony taught him. Once he caught his barings he'd be able to think straight. He'd remember who he was, Spider-Man, and shove the debris off him, just like how he did last time. He could do it.

He tried to do it.

The exercises Tony taught him weren't working. He kept choking on the second breath. He tried to breathe solely through his nose but he couldn't stand the stench of the wrecked building.

Peter was not going to die here. All he needed to do was find a way to breathe so he could get out. It was that easy! It should've been that easy. But it wasn't.

"Karen, is- is Mister Stark-?"

"I have sent an emergency signal to him, Peter," Karen replied softly. "He will be here in five minutes."

Okay. Five minutes. Peter could handle five more minutes. Knowing Tony, he'd probably get there faster. Five minutes was probably the longest, the shortest was probably three. In that case, he'd definitely be able to handle three minutes. He had to. Hopefully by the time Tony got there, he'd calmed down enough to try and get out on his own.

He doubted it. He doubted everything right now.

While Peter waited for Tony he tried to remind himself that people thought Spider-Man was fearless. That he wasn't afraid of anything and that he was able to get out of any situation. He wanted people to keep believing that. With how things were, he doubted they'd still think him fearless.

He really wished that didn't worry him.

Before long, Peter's consciousness was almost gone by the time light shone through his tiny space. He squinted his eyes, the bright sun burning his eyes until a familiar safe figure came into his line of sight. He loved that red and gold armor. He was safe now. Shaken but still safe.

"Come on, Spider-baby." Tony leaned forward and grabbed Peter's arm and hoisted him up. "I'll take you home."

"Home sounds good," Peter said with a weak smile.

His body wouldn't stop trembling.

XXX

"And that's how you do that breathing exercise," Tony said, placing a gentle hand on Peter's shoulder. "Do you understand?"

"I think so. I know how to do it but...I just…"

"It's okay, kid. It's hard to remember how to do exercises when you're in a state of panic. One day you'll be able to do it like it's second nature."

Peter nodded and leaned back on the couch. His heart still beat a bit unevenly but it was definitely much calmer than before. His body also stopped shaking. Tony turned the AC up a bit, making Peter realize he had been warm and sweating. He should've been more embarrassed by it but he just wanted to calm down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tony asked, tilting his head. "I'm here for you."

"I know you are." Peter nodded. He looked down and fiddled with his fingers. "It's just...I don't know."

"I'm not going to force you to talk to me," Tony said.

Peter sighed. "I already told you about...the building falling on me back during homecoming."

"But?" Tony prompted.

"But that's not the problem. I mean, it is! What I'm trying to say is…" Peter trailed off, having trouble finding the right words.

Peter groaned loudly and stood. He started pacing, running his hands through his curls. They were still somewhat damp. He shut his eyes and ran his hands down his face.

"Peter." Tony's voice was so soft Peter almost wanted to cry.

"I shouldn't be scared!" Peter shouted. "I'm a superhero! I am Spider-Man!"

"Peter." Tony's voice was sterner now but Peter didn't stop.

"And it's been a long time since the incident! Why do I still struggle with it?" Peter rambled. "I can't be scared! I'm supposed to encourage people. Showing fear does not encourage people!"

"PETER!"

"What?!"

Tony walked over and placed his hands on Peter's shoulders, keeping him still. Peter almost wanted to shrink back at the stern look Tony was giving him. In his mind, he knew he wasn't in trouble. Tony must've sensed Peter's nervousness because Tony used one hand to brush the curls out of Peter's eyes and softened his stare.

"Listen to me, kid," Tony said. "It doesn't matter if you're a superhero. You are still a human being and human beings have fears. You know what else? You're still a kid."

Peter looked down. These weren't exactly truth bombs because Peter did know these things. He knew he was a human and he knew he was a kid.

"And I'll tell you what. It takes time to recover from traumatic events like what happened during homecoming. It's okay."

Peter nodded but still didn't look up.

Tony sighed. "Kid, contrary to what you might believe, I get scared too."

Peter looked up, furrowing his brows. Tony chuckled at the expression.

"Yes, you heard that right. I'm an adult and I'm Iron Man and I have fears. It's perfectly normal."

Peter opened his mouth to say something but couldn't find the words. Tony on the other hand seemed to know the right things to say to him. Peter did start to feel better about his situation. If someone as brave as Tony Stark, Iron Man, got afraid from time to time, then maybe there really was nothing to be ashamed of.

Tony smiled. "It's hard to admit when you're afraid of something. And it helps to talk about things too. You're not alone."

"I'm not alone," Peter repeated.

"There you go."

"I still think it's hard to talk about things though," Peter admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I know. You're allowed to take your time. No one is going to force you to talk. They better not anyway or they're gonna have Iron Man knocking on their door."

Peter rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks for helping me," Peter said, standing straighter.

Tony ruffled his hair. "Anytime, Underoos."

Peter knew there were still going to be hard times. But at least his father figure had his back. Maybe his aunt too. Of course, he'd have to be careful on what to tell her. After all, he didn't want to get her into any danger.

Either way, Peter knew he wasn't alone.

Author's Note: Based on more headcanons I see a lot in regards to Peter's fears. Especially him having claustrophobia.

That's all for now. I'll see ya'll in the next chapter.

Thanks for reading!

~Kurosaki