Sho was twelve years old now.
He knew because dad told him so.
"Wake up. It's your birthday." Said Dad as he shook Sho awake. She threw his barrier up as soon as he realized who was touching him. Dad was shaking him by the shoulder. Not like he was trying to take it out of it's socket, that was never fun, and not like he was trying to put him through a wall either. Sho knew with his brain that dad wasn't going to hurt him with big sis sleeping right back down on the bottom bunk…but his body was another matter.
He pushed dad away.
He pushed dad away with his barrier. Dad let him go. Sho could tell that he hadn't even touched him…hadn't even phased him. Dad…fuck him. Fuck dad for being here and fuck him for bothering Sho about his birthday. Sho didn't even see why he was here, it wasn't like he cared or anything like that, and anyway it was going to be Sho's birthday for the whole day so, really, dad could have just left and come back later.
It didn't look like dad was going to be leaving any time soon.
"What the fuck do you want?" muttered Sho as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He sat up as best as he could so he didn't hit his head on the ceiling. He figured he would have been taller now, being twelve and all, though really he didn't feel any different than he had yesterday. He had gone to be eleven and woken up twelve….mom would have said that if she had been around. But she wasn't around and she wouldn't be saying anything….and he didn't need anyone to say anything.
He knew when his birthday was.
"Don't curse. Not even on your birthday." Said Dad. Sho rolled his eyes. If it was his birthday he could do whatever the fuck he wanted to do.
"I'll say whatever the fuck I want…and anyway what are you even doing in here?" asked Sho
"I came here to tell you happy birthday so you wouldn't accuse me of forgetting. So, happy birthday. Twelve years ago today you were born. If you were born a hundred years ago you would have died so be grateful." Said Dad. Sho wondered what, exactly, he had to be grateful for. He would have been dead already, anyway, if he'd been born a hundred years ago so what did it matter?
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. I'm going back to be." Said Sho. He laid back down and pulled the blanket over his head. He turned to face the wall, not that it helped. He was an esper, he knew that dad was still hanging out there on the side of his bed. He could see dad's aura and feel it…it sucked. This sucked. If big sis hadn't been asleep then he would have gotten up and yelled at dad until he left.
But he didn't want to wake big sis.
"Goodbye Shigeko. I love you. Take care of your siblings." Said Dad. Sho didn't know what he was talking to big sis for…and if he woke her than he was going to be in for it! What, did he have to ruin everything for everyone? Did he need everyone in the whole world to be as miserable as he was? Well Sho had heard, before, that misery loved company.
Well then dad could go and keep it company.
Sho didn't know where dad went off to, when he finally left, and he didn't care. Dad could drop dead for all he cared. He was twelve now, much too old to love his dad. When he was little things had been different. When Sho had been little and stupid he used to want nothing more than to be like dad. To have his powers, all of it. Stupid shit. Sho rubbed his arm. He had powers now, at least. Dad's. He had dad's exact same power set…well of course he did. He was dad's son. He was past the point where he wanted to be dad or…or even a Suzuki…but he was what he was and he was who he was.
What he was, what he was right now in this moment in time and space, was tired.
He kept his eyes closed. He needed more sleep. This was his birthday and he could have spent the entire day in bed if he so chose to. Mom used to do that. She used to spend whole days in bed because she'd been sick. Sho wasn't sick. He was just tired. He was twelve and he was tired. Sho didn't know what time it was and he didn't care. He knew that it was his birthday but he didn't care. He didn't care if he spent the entire day in bed, if he missed his entire birthday.
The important part was over with.
The sun had come up. He was twelve. He was going to be twelve for another year. It didn't matter. He didn't really want cake right now, and he never got what he wanted for presents, so lying in bed all day was fine. If he could have gone anywhere and done anything then he would have gone and seen Ritsu. He hadn't seen or heard from him in so long. Even thinking about him made Sho's heart hurt. It was like someone was poking him in the heart with one of those hooks that they used to pull people's brains out their noses.
Only his heart was being pulled out through his belly button.
There was a goldfish in his stomach and it was swimming in sad circles. He couldn't even see Ritsu on his birthday. He was twelve and…and he knew where the train was…but he was too afraid of dad to get up and get on it. He was scared…no! He wasn't scared of dad. It wasn't like dad was going to kill him. The worst thing that dad could do was beat him up so bad that he broke a few bones. Fukuda could fix that easily. Sho wasn't scared of dad, no, he just didn't want big sis getting all worried and stuff about him. He loved her and….and she was scared of dad.
Everyone was scared of dad.
Even Shimazaki. Sho used to think that Shimazaki was the bravest person that he had ever met in his life. He was brave and big and strong...and cool. He had been the coolest person in the whole world to Sho but then….then then he was all….back in the woods during the earthquake he'd cried. Sho cried too, sometimes, but never about dad…never where people could see…and never out of fear. Shimazaki had been afraid of dad like…like…that was….he didn't want to think about it. The way it made his heart hurt…the way he had spent so much time in love with Shimazaki...dad ruined everything. Even the love of Sho's life…the old love of Sho's life.
He had a new love of his life now.
Ritsu wasn't scared of dad. Ritsu had gotten kidnapped and almost tortured and brainwashed but it just pissed him off. Ritsu was going to take Claw down, at least he thought that he was going to. Sho knew that it was going to take more than one person to bring Claw down, and especially not someone from the outside. It was going to take at least five people, the most powerful espers in all of Claw, and some poison too since dad was hard to beat in a fight. The best thing to do would be to poison dad and then take down all the upper echelon people and then the Awakened soldiers. The regular Awakened were pretty much useless. Once Claw was completely destroyed then…then dad could look out at everything that he'd built and how broken it was, like kicking over his sandcastle or something, and then he could cry. Then Sho could rest easy.
It would be great.
It would take more than one person…but maybe he would make do with just two. Just him and Ritsu taking down Claw together. Like…like they would break into Tokyo HQ during a party, a Claw only party, and then they could lock the doors and take everyone down one by one. Like…like they could pick everyone off one by one with poison darts and…well they did have their powers. Since they had their powers then it wouldn't have made sense to sneak around with darts…
But it would have been cool.
They could both fit in the air vents. The access hallways always had Awakened in them and those guys were useless in a fight but very annoying. He and Ritsu would have to stick to the air vents. They'd crawl around and then when someone walked in front of the vent they could pick them off and stuff. It would have been really hot in the vent since it was December…but they could take Claw down in the summer. Then the air conditioning would be on and, yeah, it would be cold but they could just huddle together for warmth.
Really close.
They'd huddle together…cuddle together. Like when they had shared Ritsu's bed. Ritsu would hold him, his arms would be around Sho's shoulders, and then Sho would hold onto him by the waist. He would be so close and since they were so close then they might as well have kissed. That good kind of kissing. The kind where they were close and…and he would have been able to smell what Ritsu smelled like…like his house and stuff…but they wouldn't have been in his house, they would have been in the vents.
Where nobody could bother them.
They could kiss a lot, like a lot, without having to worry about someone coming in the door and seeing them kiss. They could kiss and Sho could have taken his jacket off…no, wait, that didn't make any sense. If the air conditioner was on then they needed to have jackets on. But…ok, it was the part of the year when the weather was perfect or….or maybe they had turned the air vents off so they wouldn't get sucked in or…or something….
It didn't matter.
"It doesn't matter." muttered Sho. He kept his eyes closed. It would have been dark in that vent. There wouldn't have been enough space…he needed to stop it. It wasn't like this was anything that was going to happen. It wasn't like he would ever have dragged Ritsu into this…but if he had dragged him into this then they would have gone into a vent that had enough room for them to kiss and…and maybe some of that other stuff that people did.
Like kiss a lot.
They could kiss a lot. The kind where there was a lot of spit and also touching. Like on his back and stuff. Ritsu would never have done any of that other stuff but…but if he wanted to then he would have agreed to that….but only if they were in the vents and not in Ritsu's room. There could have been more than a little kissing…like a lot of it…and then he wouldn't have been wearing his jacket and then…well then he might not have been wearing-
-not that this was life….
But if it had been then he would have said something like-
"Happy birthday, Sho!"
Not that. Sho pulled the blanket tight around himself. He felt the whole bunk bed shake…big sis was coming up to the top bunk….big sis shouldn't have been coming up here! She had her own bed and it was really early and he was going to be twelve for the whole rest of the year and…and there was no 'and' after that because she was his sister and she was a girl and there was no way in hell that he was going to talk to his big sis about…stuff that wasn't even happening to him anyway!
He was perfectly fine!
"I'm perfectly fine! Don't look at me!" shouted Sho. Big sis was trying to pull the blanket off of him…what was the matter with her?! She was worse than dad!
"Sho, come on. It's your birthday." Said big sis. At least she stopped tugging at the blanket. He kept his back to her. He had to. He had just turned twelve, he wanted to turn thirteen, and he didn't want to die of embarrassment before that happened.
"It'll be my birthday for the rest of the year." Said Sho
"No, just for the rest of today." Said big sis after a second. Sho went over what he had just said…
"Well then it'll be my birthday for the rest of today then." Said Sho. He didn't yell even though he kind of wanted to. She knew what he had meant. She had to…well no, she didn't know. She was clueless. No matter how much older he got she would always stay the same.
"Oh. That makes sense. It makes a lot of sense but you've got to get up now. It's important. I looked up this recipe and it took a long time but me and Shibata finally got it right." said big sis
"Is it for pancakes?" asked Sho. He liked pancakes, Shibata had been getting better over the years, and he…he wanted pancakes….but he wanted….it didn't matter what he wanted. It wasn't going to happen.
"Yes, how did you know?" asked big sis
"Because it's the same thing everyone gets for their birthday." Said Sho
"Do you want something else? I can make-" said big sis
"Pancakes are fine, big sis, just go!" said Sho. She listened. Thankfully she listened. He heard her getting her clothes from her side of the drawers. He kept facing the wall until he heard her leave. That had been close. He had almost gotten caught…he hadn't been doing anything or thinking about doing anything…and he never did anything! He had never done anything because it would have been weird if he did and…and he was normal!
This was normal.
It was normal to want to sleep in on his birthday. Mom had done that and she had been the most normal person in the world and…and now he was thinking about his mom! That was…weird….mom had NO place in his head right now! Mom had no place in his head and…and his head was empty! It was crickets in there! He was crickets all the way down! He was made of crickets! He was like…like in the Nightmare Before Christmas….that was a good movie….movies were good. He thought about movies and Disney and Disneyland and kid stuff. Stuff that had nothing to do with Ritsu and how awesome it would have been to go to Disneyland and how they could have snuck off the little car thing in the Monster's Inc. ride and then gone and hidden behind the buildings and…and then kissed and….and stuff like that…
Stuff that was never going to happen because he knew that he was never going to see Ritsu again.
That was all he wanted for his birthday. He didn't want pancakes, he didn't want to hang out with his friends, he didn't even want to brush his hamsters and tell them that they were the best hamsters in the whole world. He just wanted to be with Ritsu but…but that wasn't going to happen. That wasn't how birthdays worked. When it was your birthday you didn't just get to do whatever you wanted to do. You did what other people wanted you to do.
And everyone wanted him to have pancakes with them.
So, eventually, that was what he did. He got out of bed, put actual clothes on, and went next door. Everyone was there already and based on their auras they were either really enjoying spending his birthday without him…or they were fighting. He got the feeling that it was fighting. The feeling only got stronger as he walked through the door. Raised voices…and no baby sis to greet him. That was…not good. She might have been scared by the fighting or she might have just been playing with her toys…or she might have been up to something. It was never good when she was up to something. The last time she had been up to something Sho had found his phone floating in the sink. He kicked off his shoes and checked his pockets. Good. He still had his phone.
The last thing he needed was anyone going through his phone.
He doubled checked…that was his phone. Good. Nobody had gone through it. Nobody had been in his sketchbooks either. He had them in a really specific order just to make sure nobody was looking at his pictures. He had pictures of Ritsu in there and nobody needed to know about those…and also those pictures of Shimazaki that everyone had probably forgotten about. He wasn't exactly sure if they had but he wasn't going to remind everyone about what had happened. No way. That had been so embarrassing he had been about to move into the bathroom like Hatori used to do.
Now he just lived under tables.
"…should be ashamed of yourself. Maybe a twelve year old boy's birthday party isn't the place to be swiping through-" said Minegishi. They were being a bossy bitch bastard like normal and Hatori was being a fraidy cat, which was also normal. Big sis was helping Shibata make pancakes, also normal, and Shimazaki was sitting on the counter eating pancake batter. That was even more normal. Serizawa was at the table, too, hiding under his umbrella. That was weird but Serizawa was always weird so it was normal. Tsuchiya and baby sis weren't there yet but they would be. This was his birthday and it was normal for everyone to be there with him. There was even a perfectly normal pile of presents on the table. This was a normal birthday…
But Sho didn't feel normal at all.
"It's not my tinder! It's…someone else's." said Hatori. He was hiding under the table and shaking. He didn't need to be afraid of Minegishi. They weren't that strong and if you took their plants away then they were totally powerless. There were a bunch in the kitchen, true, but there was fire in the kitchen so if you had to you could just set the kitchen on fire to get rid of all of their weapons.
But you'd get them out of the kitchen, too, because letting them burn to death would have been murder and big sis would have been mad at him if he murdered their best friend.
"What's someone else's?" asked Sho as he sat down at the table. He got the birthday boy's chair, the one with the balloons and streamers, because he was the birthday boy. Shimazaki had decorated this chair for him, he could tell. There was a lot of pink and black and orange. If Sho had been eleven then the goldfish in his stomach would have started swimming around. Now he was just kind of annoyed because of all the pink. The goldfish in his stomach wouldn't wake up so long as he didn't look at Shimazaki. He didn't want it to start swimming. It was only supposed to swim for Ritsu now.
"I'm not sure…um…happy birthday! I got you an animal crossing case for your DS because I noticed that your case was broken and also I noticed that you like animal crossing. I mean you play it a lot. I used to play animal crossing but then Miss Suzuki decided that we like harvest moon now and-" said Serizawa
"Serizawa, no. You can like whatever you want to like. I just really like to play harvest moon right now." Said big sis
"I'm so sorry Miss Suzuki! I didn't know! I mean I did know but then I wanted to-to do what you wanted to do because I just want us to have things in common!" said Serizawa
"It's ok, Serizawa, we have lots of things in common already. We don't have to be exactly like each other. That would be really boring, like hanging out all alone." Said big sis
"I-I didn't look at it like that. I just like it when we have things in common." Said Serizawa
"Yeah, you said that already. You and Mob have a lot of shit in common. Congratulations." Said Shimazaki. He reached across big sis and grabbed a pancake. He threw it right at Serizawa. Sho didn't think that he needed to be that pissed off. Sure Serizawa was annoying as hell sometimes but that didn't mean that Shimazaki had to be mad at him…and he was mad. Really mad. Not like when he pretended to be mad or was a little annoyed. He was completely mad.
Why? It was just Serizawa.
"Ryou." Said Minegishi as they picked up the pancake and threw it back at him. He caught it with one hand and took a bite.
"Toshi." Said Shimazaki with his mouth full. Sho couldn't believe that he used to think that Shimazaki was funny….well he was a little funny…but just a little.
"Shimazaki." Said Shibata. He sounded mad at Shimazaki…but he had no reason to be mad at him! Shimazaki hadn't done anything wrong! It wasn't like he had thrown something dangerous like a-a rock or a piece of the wall or…or a chainsaw!
"Hiroshi." Said Shimazaki. Ha! That'd show him! That would teach Shibata to be mad at all at Shimazaki!
"Don't call me-" said Shibata
"Happy birthday Sho! Happy birthday!" shouted Mukai as she ran into the kitchen. She threw a present at Sho and then bit his leg…he didn't know why she did either of those things but he wasn't mad at her even though her teeth were sharp and this present was heavy.
"H-Hey Mukai….someone give her a pancake before she eats me!" said Sho. Big sis took a pancake from the big plate with her powers and passed it back to Mukai. She let go of Sho's leg and jumped up to get it like a seal.
Sho had a bite mark on his leg now…but that wasn't anything worse than what he had already.
"Mukai don't….oh…whatever…do whatever you want." said Tsuchiya as she pulled the chair away from where Hatori was hiding and sat down. She looked just as tired as Sho felt.
"The pancakes are almost done. First we sing happy birthday to Sho and then we have pancakes but then we give him his presents and that's the best part." Said big sis
"Presents! Presents for me!" shouted Mukai
"Oh God….not this." muttered Minegishi. They did that thing where they held their head in their hands like they were having a head attack or…or whatever it was called when your brain exploded because of stress. Baby sis wasn't that loud. Minegishi was just being a bitch bastard like the always were.
"No, it's Sho's birthday, Mukai. Come on, we talked about this." said Tsuchiya
"Presents for me! My happy birthday!" shouted Mukai. Sho could feel his heart beating in his head. She was so loud sometimes…but that was ok. He loved her….even when she tried to steal his birthday from him.
"No, your birthday isn't until February. You can't have presents right now." Said big sis. Sho wondered if baby sis even knew the months yet. She thought that babies grew out of the ground, dad was the most fun person ever to hang out with, and boogers were dinner. He didn't really trust baby sis's judgement all that much.
"Oh….well I might have gotten something for Mukai. Just to keep her from getting upset…but I can wait. It's just so hard to hear her upset." Said Shibata
"But it's my birthday, not hers." Said Sho. He didn't want her to steal his birthday. He didn't want to be eleven forever or…or however it worked. He just wanted…the only thing he wanted to do today was to go and see Ritsu. He couldn't even do that…so at least he could have his birthday to himself!
"Sho's right, Mukai. You can only have presents on your birthday….or I guess if we go someplace…" said Mob
"Go someplace! Go someplace now!" said Mukai. She ran over and tugged on big sis's dress. She didn't know that it wasn't her birthday. She didn't even know what a birthday was, not really, so he couldn't be mad at her…and he wouldn't be mad at her. He loved her…he loved everyone in this room…
He just loved Ritsu the most out of everyone in his life that he wasn't related to.
"Mukai, we can't. It's Sho's birthday and that's not how it works." Said big sis. She thought that Mukai was smarter than she was…not that she was dumb! She just didn't really know how things worked yet.
"Just give her a present or whatever. I am not spending the entire day dealing with this. I spent the night in the bathtub-" said Minegishi
"Toshi, just come back to bed." Said Shimazaki. Sho didn't care if they shared a bed or not and he didn't want to get up and kick Minegishi's ass into next year. He wasn't in love with Shimazaki anymore and he didn't care if Minegishi and him were fighting.
"I'm not sharing a bed with you right now. You know that." Said Minegishi
"I have no idea why." Said Shimazaki
"You know why." Said Minegishi. They looked at big sis there…Sho had no idea why.
"We all know why." Said Shibata through clenched teeth. That was weird. He never got mad, not even at Shimazaki but now he'd been mad at him twice in the same morning…weird.
"I don't know why." Said Serizawa
"You don't want to know." Said Hatori
"I don't know why either but it's my birthday and I think that I should. All of you are being really weird." Said Sho
"You don't know? Everyone's really weirded out because-" said Shimazaki
"Ryou! He doesn't need to be regaled with all of that…I don't even want to talk about it. Just sit there and eat the special pile of pancakes that Mob and Shibata made for you to ruin." Said Minegishi
"You're all being weird, you know that? And I mean weird for us. Hell, Hatori goes on Tinder posing as a middle aged woman but somehow I'M the weird one?" asked Shimazaki
"Hey! I just said that-" said Hatori
"Yes….yes you are…now come on, Sho's pancakes are done! Birthday time!" said Shibata. He turned away from the counter and put a plate of pancakes….the biggest pancakes he had ever seen. They were big and fluffy and….and kind of cool. Like he was living in an anime. There were twelve of them because he was twelve…and he wanted all of them….well he was supposed to want all of them.
They were his birthday pancakes.
He wanted….he wanted a lot of stuff that he knew he would never get. He wanted Ritsu. He wanted to kiss him and hold his hand…and just hang out with him. He wanted…he wanted a lot of stuff…with one person…a person who he would never see. He just had to enjoy the birthday he had and not the birthday that he wanted…that he wished he could have had….wished didn't ever come true. Not even birthday wishes.
He was twelve years old today and twelve was old enough to know thar.