Lost
Summary: Liv's thoughts when Alex stays with her in "Ghost". Challenge 4, Prompt 1 on LJ community evenangels. OA. OC.
Spoilers: "Ghost", minor "Loss"
I fell into another, different from you. It was never my intention. You have to know that, Alex. I didn't want to abandon you. Call me an optimist, but I believed you would come back to me. This whole Witness Protection thing should have been a minor setback. A couple of months, tops.
She showed up about two weeks after your funeral. Her name was Casey Novak. She was young, inexperienced. It seemed like she wanted to play Cop more than Lawyer. God, I hated her. I wanted to strangle her. I cringed at the sound of her voice and loathed the sight of her. I hated the fact that she worked with us. I hated the fact that she was replacing you. Most of all, I hated the fact that she wasn't you.
I know it was stupid of me to think that she would be like you. Actually, I'd probably hate her even more if she tried to act like you. She wasn't you. No one could be you. No one could replace you. Not for me. Sure, Cragen and Branch had a new ADA. That was all they cared about.
I needed more than that. I needed someone. I needed another heartbeat at home. Casey could provide that. It was not my intention to have a relationship with her. I told you- I hated her.
But then she…changed somehow. She stopped wearing those pants all the time. I think Taft had something to do with that. But it was a good change. She was wearing skirts, at least when she had to appear in court. And let me say…wow. She had nice legs. It's shallow, but that was what first caused me to start looking at her differently. She changed some more.
Or maybe I did. I got a new perspective, Alex. Elliot helped to see it. I didn't want to. I wanted to believe that you would come back. I knew the reality. By this point, it had been seven months since your funeral. You weren't coming back. Deep down, I always had that feeling.
Casey was nice to me. I could tell she wanted me to like her. Strangely, I found myself caring about her. There was this case of rape-homicide. The evidence against him was weak, and although we knew he did it, he was not remanded. He made bail. I saw the way he eyed Casey during court. I actually worried about her. It took months, but we did get a conviction on all charges. That night we celebrated with wine.
Our legs touched. This warm smile fell onto her face. I fell in love with her then.
I told her a month ago.
Then you came back. You're here. In my apartment. You're asleep on my couch. You have on this large Yankees T-shirt on. My fears for your safety are temporarily removed. You breath in. God, you're adorable.
And I am lost, here.