The Aftermath: Chapter Three
The following day was very much like any other for Joan. She went through her schedule with little incident to report. Upon returning to her office in the middle of the day, she found a message waiting for her. All it said was 'Common room. 2:15pm.' She looked at her watch. It was only two minutes until then. She had no idea what this was about nor who sent it, so she signaled a guard to follow her.
As Leland was discovering her note, Harley Quinn was being escorted to the common room. She was in a pretty good mood (but then, she generally was) and it was outwardly apparent as she hopped down the hallway.
"Stop bouncing!" the guard escorting her demanded.
Harley retaliated in her usual mature manner by sticking her tongue out at him. "Nyah!"
The guard opened the door and Harley was happy to find Ivy sitting on the couch.
"Hiya Red!" she announced her presence cheerfully.
Then another head shot up from behind the couch. The Joker had been lounging in it; trying to give a disgruntled Ivy as little room as possible.
"Puddin'?" She tilted her head to one side curiously.
"Harley?"
They were both fairly confused, but not as much as the guards, who were in a corner of the room, going over the schedule, trying to figure out where they went wrong, and more importantly, making sure it wasn't their fault. Much to their surprise, they had indeed read the schedule correctly.
"Puddin'!" She bounded up to the object of her affection and draped herself over him. Ivy scowled as she was now fighting two pairs of feet at the end of the couch instead of one.
The Joker was caught momentarily off guard. However, he was quick to catch the jealous glances of the other males in the room as Harley pressed her lithe form up against him. This made his grin grow even wider and he decided to allow her to continue showing her adoration, while pointedly looking at different inmates. Several people turned away disgusted as one of Joker's hands traveled up her shirt, causing Harley to squeal and capture his lips with fervor.
The entire situation was very awkward for the guards. It was just like the doctors to not clue them in. They shifted uncomfortably in place while shooting questioning glances at one another that said: "What do we do now?", "How far is inappropriate?", and "Maybe you'd like to take one of them back to their cell?" None of them wanted to be the one that made the first move though.
Joan had arrived in front of the common room and found nothing. She had expected to find whoever sent the note waiting for her here, but then, one never really knew what to expect in Arkham. She looked through the two-way mirror into the common room and was not at all happy with what she saw.
"What the hell?" she asked to no one in particular and instructed the guard that followed her to get one of his co-workers out here for an explanation. He switched places with one of the guards inside the room.
"Mind explaining exactly what is going on here?" she addressed the guard sternly.
"Actually ma'am, we were hoping you could tell us." He presented her with the schedule that was handed to the security staff for the day.
"This doesn't make any sense," Joan said to herself as she looked over the schedule.
"It was probably just a mix up," the guard replied rationally. "These things happen. Remember that time Croc was accidentally given stimulants instead of sedatives? That was a hell of a thing."
Apparently, the action was getting a little too hot on the couch as one of the guards was trying to get the attention of those outside for instruction.
Inside, Harley and Joker's faces were seemingly glued together, and both of the tiny blonde's hands had disappeared inside of his pants.
"For god's sake, get a room!" Ivy shouted, completely fed up. "Can I please go back to my cell?"
The inmates were never forced to participate in the common room so a guard said, "Sure, anyone else want to go?"
Every hand in the room shot into the air, aside from the two moving right along into a heavy make-out session on the couch.
Joan was massaging her temples as she told the guard next to her to get the two of them out of there.
The guards forced the clowns apart while the Joker made comments like: "Get your own date" and "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
As they were being escorted out of the room Harley protested, "I didn't do nuthin' wrong!"
"Denial is the first sign that you have a problem," Joker said, mocking a doctor's educated voice.
"This ain't fair!" Harley continued whining as she was pushed on down the corridor.
"Keep fighting the good fight, precious," was Joker's last response before he was pulled down a separate hallway.
Joan went back to her office and attempted to salvage this ordeal as best she could. At the very least, she could use it for her evaluation. "Subject one treats subject two as arm candy." Joan laughed. Sometimes you just had to laugh or risk going insane yourself.
It was obvious to Joan who was responsible for the 'mix up'. Dr. Roberts was upset when he left her yesterday and he had access to the patient schedules. No mistake could account for the note she was left. She had a hard time believing that any of the doctors here would be capable of something likes this, but it was all she had to go on. Unfortunately, Joan had nothing to back her theory up. The note was typed, so there wasn't even a way to go by handwriting. This was beginning to develop into an even bigger problem than she had expected.
Joan tried to remain alert to any other inconsistencies involving her patient, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. Well, at least not for the Asylum, where strange happenings were a common occurrence. Two weeks went by and she was beginning to relax, which turned out to be a mistake as is often the case.
On this disastrous day, Harley turned up missing and it only got worse from there. Being who she was, naturally the first place the guards checked was Joker's cell, only to find him missing as well. This, of course, led to mass panic.
Fortunately, some of the more experienced members of the security staff stepped up to the challenge led by Cash, the chief of security at Arkham Asylum.
"We take this by the numbers people. We've done this before." He was a natural leader, who had given more than most to the Asylum. Cash brandished a hook to make up for the hand that was lost to Killer Croc's appetite. This battle scar and the fact that he still chose to remain on staff after such an incredible ordeal only served to further establish the admiration and respect of all he worked with.
First stop was the front receptionist as she was located at the main entrance. Here the doors' alarms were only activated after hours, so it was the best means of escape.
When asked if she'd seen either inmate she replied, "No, and tell Arkham that I want another raise."
While the receptionist was being questioned by some, others scanned the security tapes. The recordings revealed some footage of the two escapees wandering the halls, but the cameras near their cells had conveniently been disabled leaving no explanation of how they managed to leave them.
No alarms had been sounded, but that had been bypassed before, so the security staff checked every possible exit and found no sign of forced entry. The cameras backed this up as well. This, of course, still did not mean that they hadn't made a getaway. They obviously must have because they were no longer there, however it didn't make much sense. For one thing, it was in the middle of the day when the staff was at its heaviest. It was practically impossible for them to have made an escape without being noticed. That's when one of the guards made a rather brilliant statement.
"Maybe they didn't leave."
This led to an all out search of the grounds coordinated by Cash. The doctors and other staff members were directed into the break room and set a group of guards for protection. Some protested the treatment, but this was one of the few situations where Cash's word was law and, while he never abused his power, Cash lived for moments like this.
Those that weren't assigned guard duty to the staff or were coordinating the efforts paired up. Each pair was assigned a portion of the building to search. Each guard prayed they would not be the one to find them.
One room after another was thoroughly searched. One door after another was tensely opened. Room after room, door after door until one of the janitor's closets was reached.
"This is one of the stupidest things we've ever had to do," one guard complained to his partner. "Why would they still be here? Just because we don't know how they escaped, doesn't mean they haven't. It happens all the time here. If this place got decent funding, we'd get decent pay and then you'd see a real turnaround."
As he complained, he opened the door to the closet. One would think that, having already dismissed this exercise as pointless, the guard would be even more shocked at what he found, but that would have been impossible.
There stood the Joker, completely nude and thrusting himself into an equally unclothed Harley, who was shoved face first against the cinderblock wall.
"Do you mind?" the Joker asked the guard indignantly.
Harley made a loud, high-pitched scream as she tried to hide her nakedness behind her counterpart.
"Christsakes Harl! That was right in my ear!"
The wide-eyed guard slammed the door shut again and reported back to the group. "…Uh….I found them…and I'm going to need a vacation."
As backup rushed to the scene, the two clowns could still be heard inside the closet.
"Harl, find me something in here to deal with this guy."
"Sure thing puddin', just let me get myself presentable."
It was very cramped inside the small space, and Harley was trying to move quickly. Leaning over to pick up her shirt, she tripped on a bucket and began knocking things about in her struggle to get steady. A mop handle headed for the Joker's head.
"OW! Harley, how am I supposed to kill someone with a mop?" He paused to consider the cleaning tool. "…I suppose I could think of a way, but we don't have the time. Hand me that bleach. We'll dump it down his throat. I haven't done that in awhile."
Meanwhile, Joan was patiently waiting with the rest of the staff to return back to work. Jeremiah was being hounded by every other person in the room as he was often difficult to get hold of and everyone wanted a piece of his time. He was dealing with everything from financial issues to extended vacation leave.
Joan was dealing with a bit of her own problems as well. Roberts was making great efforts to avoid her despite being stuffed into the same room. She found herself wondering if he was responsible for this little escapade as well. That would be unforgivable. The instance in the common room was just a dig at Joan, an attempt to let her know he still held some cards. This time, people's lives were in danger.
After pondering this for some time, she came to the conclusion that he was more than likely not responsible. Roberts may be vindictive, but he wasn't insane. Besides, this really served him no purpose. It's not as though patients hadn't ever managed breakouts without added assistance. However, even with this logic, the thought continued to nag at her.
Suddenly, Cash entered the room. He turned to Dr. Arkham and Joan could see that he was very pleased with himself.
"We've got 'em, sir."
"Excellent job, Cash! Excellent!" Arkham exclaimed delightedly.
"It was a group effort, sir," Cash said proudly.
"Quite so, you are all to be commended." He was now standing next to the security chief and lowered his voice. "Between you and me, I was not looking forward to alerting Commissioner Gordan that, once again, he had an escapee of ours to deal with."
Everyone exited the room and went back to their regular schedules, except for Joan who joined Arkham and Cash.
"Have they been subdued yet?" she asked.
"Not yet ma'am, but I have half my staff down there. It's only a matter of time," he responded confidently. "I'm heading down there myself."
"We will join you," Arkham said, signaling for Leland to follow him.
Upon arriving at the scene, Joan saw a large number of guards standing around a janitor's closet.
"What are you all waiting for?" Cash demanded. "Get them outta there!"
"We don't know what they might have in there with them, sir," replied one of the guards.
"So we're just going to hang around in this hallway all day? You," he pointed at the guard closest to the closet. "Open that door."
The guard did as he was instructed revealing the two lunatics inside, mercifully dressed.
Joker looked at the bleach still in his hand and then to the crowd. "Stand back or I'll ruin all of your clothes." He shook the bottle of cleanser menacingly.
The guards quickly collected both patients and were about to return them to their cells when Jeremiah signaled them to stop.
The doctor approached the Joker purposefully. "I don't understand, Joker. Why not try to escape?"
The Joker looked confused. "Why not have sex in a closet?"
Everyone was silent after this comment and Joker felt he was expected to say something else.
"Armadillo is a funny word."
The silence continued.
"Your turn, Harl. Give us a funny word."
Harley scrunched her face in thought and eventually came up with, "Rutabaga!"
Joker let out a loud laugh. "Ain't she a pip!"
Arkham allowed them to return to their cells directly following this highly nonsensical conversation. Joan sighed as she headed toward her office. This was more for her evaluation she supposed.
Author notes: There was one line I was worried about in regards of its rating. I was assured by several people that it worked, so I rolled with it. If I have offended anyone, it was truly not my intent. You are free to place your blame on my beta, Sno-Chan as she provided the three or four really juicy lines. I can't write smut to save my life.