CHAPTER CONTENT WARNING! Self-mutilation/self-harm, mentions of practiced abuse, suicide, referenced suicide note, gore, reanimation, memory problems/memory loss associated with death and PTSD, threats, violence, complicated emotions, implied/mentioned abuse, implied emotional abuse, emotional breakdowns, emotional confusion, referenced kidnapping, implied/referenced torture, dissociation, emotional triggers nearly leading to panic and anxiety attacks, panic, anxiety, fear, and other potentially harmful to read subjects for certain individuals (because it's hard to remember everything all at once when writing the warning) are big parts of this chapter. Reader discretion is advised.
Kurogiri had had a hunch that the Number One Hero, All Might, would be returning to the Japanese spotlight sooner than later given that his Master was slowly regaining his strength – which meant that, undoubtedly, All Might was also unfortunately regaining his own strength. His Master agreed that this was likely the case, seeming oddly elated over the matter. Thus, Kurogiri had been keeping an eye out for the American-trained Hero over the last few months whenever he wasn't looking after the blue-grey haired heir of his Master's power, Shigaraki Tomura. And, just as he and his Master had suspected, the man did indeed eventually appear when a robbery was taking place. So, he decided to follow after the Hero to see exactly how well he was faring. He had to do all that he could to help plan and prepare for the next year, after all, and more information on their enemy was always better than less.
He wasn't expecting to find much of anything that might be of interest to his Master, other than any of the aforementioned information he could get on the Number One Hero. But then there was a boy, supposedly Quirkless, who bothered the bothersome blonde man while he was dealing with the thieving Villain of Slime. Kurogiri had lost them when All Might took to the skies, the boy clinging to the man so as not to lose him or fall to his death, but then Kurogiri found the green-haired child again later that night, hysterically trembling as he held something tightly to his chest. Kurogiri watched him dangerously titter-tatter on the edge of the school's roof, his shoes left behind on the other side of the building's roof's fence, and Kurogiri was entranced as such a young boy looked to the skies with a smile so broken that even he couldn't help but feel pity. Pity or not, though, Kurogiri wasn't interested in doing anything about the situation before him. Although, he had to admit… It was odd, having seen the greenette so full of life and so fearful of a fall earlier that day and now looking so peaceful as he contemplated a final leap.
Kurogiri could tell, from the mumbling he had heard waterfalling from the child's mouth earlier and from the notebook he picked up from near the now broken and mangled body – he assumed it was what the child had been clinging to before he allowed himself to fall – that the boy was intelligent beyond any person he had met before, save for his Master, All For One himself. It was too bad that he had killed himself (perhaps Kurogiri should have stopped him?); though it was far more amusing that their quarry, All Might, the supposed Number One Hero, had been the final push that led the boy to bring himself to his end, from what Kurogiri could gather from the last page that had writing on it in the notebook.
Then the supposedly-Quirkless body started to groan and cry and move, blood slowly being reabsorbed as if being sucked up by a sponge and chunks of meat rolling back to the main portion of the body. He grimaced at the sight, especially when he watched the pieces of mincemeat slowly sewing themselves back together, as if by magic, taking the reabsorbed blood and bits of dirt and gravel with them. The sight of it was appalling and the sounds of squelching, squishing, rolling meat made even him feel sick to whatever it was that he now had in place of a stomach. He didn't understand, the Quirkless boy had died and this shouldn't be possible by any stretch, no one was healing him – but then it dawned on him. This boy, this odd, sad boy… was far from being Quirkless.
All For One didn't know what he had been expecting when Kurogiri appeared before him on that day. The Nomu was supposed to be watching his protégé, supposed to be helping him grow into a more suitable Villain. A more suitable host. So seeing the portal-using Nomu appear before him was just a tad bit unexpected.
"Master," the Nomu greeted him.
"Kurogiri." All For One was a little agitated. His protégé was not to be left unattended, and he was supposed to start making himself known to the public as a new threat the next year. "Shouldn't you be somewhere right now, with someone?" He emphasized the last syllable of his sentence, his cold rage and irritation clear.
"Y-Yes." The calm man of mist stuttered slightly. "I know."
"Then why are you here? Is something the matter?"
Kurogiri gulped slightly with his… inexistent mouth, then stood straight and seemed to collect himself before who was quite certainly the most dangerous man on the planet. "I was out, listening for information, sir – and All Might is currently in Japan."
This caught All For One's attention. "Oh? How perfect."
"That's not all. Please, Master, would you allow me to bring you somewhere? I believe I found a boy you would be interested in. I think he could be of great use to you – although, we must make haste if you will allow me to take you to him."
This was becoming more and more unusual by the second. Kurogiri was rarely so forward, let alone interested in another person as a possible candidate for All for One's intentions. "Why the rush…?"
"Because someone will collect him before we do unless we get to him first. He's quite a mess right now; he jumped off of a school roof."
"Is he dead…?"
"Well… he was."
All For One smirked. An immortality-type Quirk of some sort? He was intrigued, but he was always ill-intentioned, so he, of course, had to make this at least a little difficult on his Nomu servant. Plus, he was curious. "So, why should I be so interested in this boy?"
"Because, I believe I know why he jumped." The mist man seemed to flutter and falter with excitement, a low chuckle emanating from him.
"Don't keep me waiting. Why did he jump?"
"Because of All Might himself."
The strange boy that Kurogiri had found that day did indeed make an… interesting addition to their little evil bar-type family, after being formally introduced to Shigaraki three months after Kurogiri and his Master had discovered him. Even if he often led to a headache… It wasn't the boy himself that annoyed Kurogiri, not at all – in fact, he quite liked the quiet, subdued, somewhat irritable child – it was… well… everything else. Everything around this "Izuku." The trouble that followed him, and the way Tomura talked, or, well, fought with him. Constantly. The way he seemed to attract other Villains to them, Villains who seemed troublesome at first but were now proving their worth. Even Stain and some of his followers had come along as a result of this odd, green-haired and scrawny child. This child who would sit in corners mumbling to himself, this child who would shyly clam up if anyone got too close, this child who would flinch away and curl in on himself if anyone reached out towards him. This child who was quite possibly the greatest edition to their ranks they could have ever wished for.
Kurogiri had known on the day he discovered Izuku that the boy was intelligent, and that he could be useful. But he hadn't known that a mere fourteen-year-old could formulate a plan to destroy an entire city crawling with Heroes – All Might included – within just a few hours of being asked for his input, and who would then proceed to help them procure what they needed to prepare for the plan in the few months after coming up with it, just by existing with them and helping them actually go through with said plan by the time he was fifteen. Not to mention that, before, their little League of Villains was, well… little, and most of their recruits were almost useless with their Quirks. But, as was stated above, Izuku seemed to attract people to him just by existing. The boy truly was an enigma.
He was so small, so weak… but so, so incredibly indispensable to them.
And honestly… Kurogiri was becoming... attached.
He didn't intend to. He didn't think he had the capacity to.
But the boy was so… inexplicably lovable, even when he lashed out and made snide remarks, even when he somehow managed to attract more troublesome people to their bar hideout for them to recruit, just by hanging around. His Master hadn't even given him a Quirk that did that, nor had he passed a Quirk on to him to make people like him. People just… did. They flocked to him. Sometimes it was good, sometimes it was bad; it depended on the type of love a person could give. With Shigaraki, it was teasing, fighting – almost like a big brother who low-key wanted to kill his younger sibling while also not wanting anyone else to touch him. Izuku didn't know, but when Shigaraki caught one recruit who was teasing Izuku to the point of tears and not leaving him alone even when Izuku shut down and curled in on himself, their Master's heir had become enraged and had dragged the man outside and had done away with him right then and there. It seemed that only Shigaraki himself, and other people that Izuku had made it clear he liked having around, were allowed to tease the boy according to their young leader. Not that their troublesome Tomura would ever admit it out loud.
Perhaps it was a part of his resurrection Quirk, which they had appropriately named Re:Incarnate…? Perhaps it was an effect of what had activated his Quirk – suicide – and it gave everyone who came across him a need to love him in whatever capacity they were able?
Kurogiri certainly never thought he had the ability to love someone, in any way other than admiration for one's Master. Yet here he was. Here. He. Was.
He felt like an exasperated unofficial step-father who could see these kids, Izuku especially and even Tomura… as kids he was trying to win over and at the very least protect. Not because his Master wished it – but because he just… cared about them now.
And god dammit he hated it but gee-willickers, he was going to take on this role his previously non-existent heart wanted him to take on.
Even if Izuku glared at him and ignored him. Even if Izuku refused food on most occasions - he was a skeleton now, for fuck's sake, he needed to eat, why did he have to be so difficult? – even if Izuku brought trouble to them with whatever sweet scent he was putting in the air, like some ancient creature from a video game (Pokémon, or so he was told, when he complained about it to his Master), even if he constantly argued with anyone who got too close and tried to make small-talk… Yeah. He cared.
When did this happen? How?
What was with this child?
Either way, they really needed to come up with a Villain name for him. He'd outed himself to one Hero-in-Training, or so he'd heard, and that was a definite problem. Kurogiri would have preferred the boy to keep quiet and remain as a missing, or even dead, person in official documents. …Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure Tomura wouldn't have done something similar, in some capacity, that may have left some sort of clue as to who he actually was, even with his new name. He wasn't able to chaperone them both, along with their favorite tag-alongs that they'd chosen from the League's many new recruits, so he couldn't be sure of everything that had been said and done.
And… honestly, most of the children here, Tomura included, still needed official Villain names as well. The false name was great and all, but somehow Kurogiri was certain that it probably wouldn't remain enough. Tomura's identity reveal needed to be done at the right time, to the right person – they couldn't have anyone finding out before then.
Izuku sat on his own in the back corner of the bar that the self-proclaimed "League of Villains" (trademark pending, he joked to himself when he first heard Tomura call them that) called home, muttering to himself as he looked into one of the many new notebooks that had been given to him by Kurogiri. The mist-like man always gave him a new notebook as soon as he filled one so he could write down any and all ideas and plans that he came up with and so that he could continue to write down his analyzations of people and their Quirks without issue.
He was a little nervous after everything that had happened. He'd helped destroy most of a city. Parts of the UA campus. ...Ended thousands, maybe even millions, of lives.
He twitched when he thought about it. He… he hated hurting people. He hated it, hated it, hated it–!
He̢͉͐͒ ̨͓̻͐͋̔w̧̙̕̕a̪͚͔̅̈́̕n̢̢͉̓̔͞ẗ͢ẽ̗͚̜̥́̚͞d̢̛̟̬̓͡ t͎͔̏̒ŏ̳̭͑ ̛͎̘̽h̞̠̓̑̚͟e̡͉͡͠l̬̺̈́̕p̗͍͙̌̐̕.̯͕̟̼̿̈̏̈́ ̬̬̎̒H̻͋ē̦̞̱̅͝ ̠̗̱͂̆̈ẇ͖ā̢͖̂š̛̠͟ s͚̈́up̣̊p̧̟͆͑ǒ̬̬̝͆͡se̢̛̤̦̠̋͛͘d̯̻̗̭͑͋̄͝ ̥̭̻̭̒̀͛̏t͕͍̫̀̈́͠ǫ̼̟̀̄̓̑ͅ hḙ̓l̲̃p͙̏ ̗̰̲̬̦̂͑͂͡͡peŏ̙̘̖͐̃͟͝p͉̀l̮͓͚̇͆̋͘͢e̖̯̝͛̋̎, h̗͈̾͠ḛ̢̢̪̳̀̐̍͂͌ ̨̭̗̿̓͝w̳̦̤̻̄̐͝͝a̭̫̔̒s̫͈͉͓̖̋̄̀̅͞ ̦̹̌͒s̜̭̝̆̏̔̾ͅų̡̠̻͑̍̃͞pp̰̅os͇͕̬͕̽̉͗͠ed ͈̱̱͛̀͡t̢͖̖̉̄̚o ̱̗̲̱̐͂̚͡b̼̬̾̕e̟̫͓̽͑͗ ̟̜̗͖͆̔̀͘a̘̝̬͗͂̕ H̡͇͑͐E̺̕Ŕ͖Ǫ̟̮̗̓̐̀͐̊͢!̩̦̯̄̎̈͢͠ ̩͋H͎͉͍͋͒̚ĕ̢ ̡͚͕̹̍̅̍͆d̫̃ị̮̑̀ď̼n͇̞͌̌'̘͌t ̣͙͑͊͝ͅw͎͖͖̝͗́͂̆a̺̅n̛̙͔̻͙͐͑͌̑͟t̛̬̪̚ ̙̯̻͒́͂ẗ̨̰̊h̙̑̃ͅis͕̥͙̾̀̀͞ͅ,̨́̅͘͢ͅ ̧̩̭̬͐̃̃͘d̝̰̏̀i̤̦̐̿d̬̙̂̏n̪͐̀ͅ'̫̋t̤͖̼͂̀́ ̡̮͂́ẅ̙̙̟́͐̓͘͜å͎̝̓͜͠n̛͈t̲̿ ̼̭̩̟͋̌̽̏̚͟t͚̓h̳̘͓́̓͛ḭ̈́̅ͅs̻̰̙̟̏̓̃̓,̰̰͊͠ ̭̲̈́͑d̳̐̌ͅḯ̙͉̦̂̐̆͢d̗̏ṅ͔̮̮͍͑̆̒'̠̝͖̓̔̕ṫ̯͉͖̐̊ ̤̐w̺̻͖̅̈̑Á͓̰̭̑̃n̥͚̑̕T ̤́T̥̣́͠H̹͔͓̔̽͂i̥͠s ̢̢̨͕̮̆̂̑͗̚DId͎͌N'̣͠T̛̝̱̘̈̇ ̳̭͇͓͂̒͆̓W̼̳̾̆à̢̦͍̌͆͟͝n̪̞̬̊̒̾T̨̍ ̧͖̯̻͕̈́̀̒̎̄t̛͕̻̹̞̃̐͝ḣ̲̦̮́̑ï͜Ṣ̞̙͛̑̚ ̧̖̿͗͗͢D͓̥̳̑̓̕͢͞I̬͗͜͝D̺̪̦̀͊͘N͇͆'̤̂T̗͔͍͕̹̂͒̑͗͐ ̱̘̋͒̌͜͝ͅW̭̩̘̔̚͡A̯͉͛̍N͓̾̀͜T͙̗̠̟͆̍̿͝ ̞̠̩̥̈̐͐͂TH̨̬̳͑͛̔I̯͙̬̓̕͡S̢̻̼̙̳͋̐̓͊͘ ̥̓D̪̑ID͍͕̮̞̂̐͘͡N̺̍̑͟'̜̹̗͋̆͡Ț͘ ̡͉̯͚̞̉̓̋͐͝W̘͖͝͠À̡̙͙̪̼̄́̃͞N̳̙̈̋T̨͔̠͕͙͊̐̏͘̕ ̨̟͊̕͟͝Ț̩̲͌͑͡HI̫͋S̩̑ ̙̜͓͆͝͝D̺͓̟̗̎͊͗̕I̫͙̽̐͟͠D͓͇̮̹̦̀̈́̑́̚N̺̥͔͍̾͋̄͑͢͝'̨̠̝̂̄̈T̥͘ W̪̎A̝͍̞̪͌͊͌͛N̩͡T̢̼̲̋̽̕ ̨̖͎̆͛͗̂͜T̗̣̓͊HI͔͂S̞̖̗͗͐̈ ̡̢̛̥̩̈͌͐W̹̘̙̻̅̅̚͞H͟͞A̲̻̞͆̉̌̕͟T̖̖̯̲̂̓̇͋ ͓̙͙̥̈́̍̀̎̚ͅH̤͌Ḁ̼̉͘D̰̪͖̀̈̀ ͉͒Ḫ͉͊̑E͎̥̒̆ ̧̘̭̹͗͐͂̇DO̢͎̹̯̿̽͑͒Ṅ̝E ̢͛W͇̹̑̔H̥̦͕̙͋̃͌̾A̜͙̠̋͂̌͟͝T̰͐ ̞̭̂͘͜͞H̜͕̆̏A̼̦͈͔͆̓̉̎D ̻̑H̦̖͇̥̞̔̔̑́͠E ̯̤̰̣͆̃͑̍D̳̟͔̟̣̿̐̓͘͝O̡͗N̛̥͈͗E̘̪͕̘͑̈̇̕ ̢̹̳͛̕͝H̢͑E ̙̜̿͝WA̠̽S̡̲͖͇͈̿̏͑͋͘ ̖̙̠̀͑͞A͔̠̅̋̌͜ ̧̢͙͔͑͑̃͂̐ͅV̫͈̞̽̉̏IL̝͈̹̱͆͗͒̄L̙͖̥̈͑͜͠͠A͉̟̥̥͊̓͌̀̿͟IÑ̛͉͎̺̈́ ̛̥̻̖͋̅Ȁ̛̱̞̥̽́ͅ ̛͇̜̺̭̏̍̚Ḿ͕͚͍̼͒̈̆̉ͅǗ̧̥̈R̺̖̈͡D̢̢̪̹͐̂̊͂Ȩ̛̞͓̹̇̓͂R̤̀E̢̛͓͘Ŕ̡̘̀͘͜ ̱̖̒͑A ̦͆Ḿ̡̭͡U̢̎R̟̜̄͑Ḋ͖̲̟́̚͜͟͠͠Ë̯̲̜̮̹́̌̈̓͡RȆ̬̳͈̯͒̓̆R̘̈́͠ͅ ̲̲̈́̈A ͇͚̜̃̅̄T̝̍Ę̛̖̥͙͑̓̌R̹͌͟͜͝͠Ŗ̛͖̠͑͋́ͅÒ̱̟̐Ȓ̡̼͓̫̼̇͊̀̚I͕̪̍̏͜͝S̡͓͙͇̀͌̐͞T̨̟͐͘ ̛͙͗̊͜ͅÂ̘̟̖̲̈́͂̀͘͢
M͚̱̅͠ Û̠̙̖͓̤̐͂́͑ R͕̬̙͑̓̋̀͢ Ḋ̜ Ḛ̥̦̏̒̆͘ͅ Ŗ͔̘̊̔̍ Ḛ͗ R͙̘̲͔̐̀́̉
He took a few deep breaths, narrowly preventing a panic attack. And just like that… his mind went blank. What had he been thinking about again…? He was upset, but why? His mind had been so loud, screaming even, under a screeching veil of static. Even so… he couldn't remember what on Earth it had been going on about and freaking him out with. ...Oh well. Must not have been important.
He looked down at the notebook he was holding and blinked. Oh! He was writing more plans, more observations! He was helping his F̢̠͉̰͙͋̋̎͘͡ŕ͓͇̝̮̀̊̕E̲̪̣̾̀̽I̛͍͓̙̭͙̊̋͛͒ṇ̨̛̛̼́͆͜D̤̟̦̯̰͗͋͌̐͗Ş̼̰̂̅̒ and he was doing such a great job! Kurogiri had told him so!
He smiled.
Then he frowned.
He scribbled out what he had been writing. Then rewrote it. Then scribbled it out. Then wrote something new.
Something didn't seem right…
Something about... Something about…
A̢̬̔̐͌͟L͓̙̜̔͂̎̉͜L͎̪͚̏̈́́ ͕͒̚͜͞ͅM͎̽Ĭ͕͍̱̒͛͘ͅG̬̞̹̐̈̇͜͠H̯̲͆̌͡ͅT̞̙̬̃̈̽͊͜.͈̲̐͡
He… remembered that there was something he had learned about the Hero before he was… before… before he…
Well… he… he did die, didn't he…? Lots. Yeah. He'd died lots of times now.
He shook his head. Best not to dwell on that. He'd have an attack again.
But regardless, there was something he swore the man had revealed to him on that day, around… how long had it been? A year? How old was he now, fifteen or something…? ...Didn't matter.
What WAS it that he'd learned, though? What WAS it that was off? Because he was sure that it was something that mattered, somehow. It… seemed important to the mission.
He tapped his pen on the page he was on in his notebook. The Hero had seemed somehow… weaker, didn't he? Part of him, the part that still insisted on secretly being a fan of the Hero deep down, even with the trauma that that man had caused him, hated to think it. However, it really did seem to be that way, at least to him and his discerning eye.
Really, what was it? What had the man told him? It was right… There in his brain, but he couldn't reach it, why couldn't he reach it?!
He was useless. He was a mistake. He was, he was! Everything B̗͆ą̧̲͉̙͑͗͘͠͝k͈̪͉͖͑̈́͌u͍̰̺͂̂̚g͖̺͠͡o̞̹̎̕u̱͐ had said about him over the years was true, it was, and so was everything that D̮̥̃̂̒͟a̢̗̮͋͗̀B͕̯͙͑́͌͘ͅI̦͒ said when he…! But Kurogiri had said…!
He felt tears well up in his eyes and he pulled his legs up to himself to seem smaller. He dropped his pen and notebook onto his lap and angrily mussed up his hair. He was dirty, and useless, and bad, and, and…!
He heard yelling from somewhere that seemed far off. He took quick, shallow breaths, near-hyperventilating, then he realized that he was beginning to have an attack again and started doing his best to do what Kurogiri and Mr. Compress had taught him. Slow down. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Calm down.
He was okay. He was safe. He was doing a good job. He was irreplaceable.
His eyes went blank. What was he thinking about again…? Why was he reeling from the feeling of being upset? Right. The notebook. The plans. That's what he was thinking about. Right.
The yelling was closer now, the voice becoming clearer. It was Shigaraki. He glared at the man as he came too close to him, edging away from him in turn, further into his corner. Really, what was all the fuss? What was he so mad about this time?
"Dammit, we should be going out there again, we were so close! They're weak now, it's the best time to hit them again! Why aren't we finishing the job?!"
Ah, so that was it. He wanted to know why he had planned it in a way that led them to leaving halfway through.
"W-We needed to restore our own energy. We l-lost a lot of people, too, even Stain," he stuttered. "And they were starting to get more help from more Heroes. Best to leave them damaged and come back to attack by surprise again when they've let their guard back down a little, when some of the Heroes back off."
He flinched back when Shigaraki grabbed his wrist with four fingers, the blue-grey haired man's pinky hovering over his wrist threateningly.
Izuku didn't like pain. And he knew what Shigaraki's Quirk felt like from when they were constantly at each others' throats after he was first introduced to the man. His Quirk hurt.
But Izuku was also really fed up right now. His mind just… wasn't in it. Too many triggers today, too much excitement. Too much static in his brain and ears and eyes.
"I should just turn you to dust right now, you useless piece of trash!"
Some of the others were moving towards them, probably Compress and Kurogiri and Himiko, and maybe a few others too, seeming to want to pull their leader off of their planner.
But really, Izuku was done with everything right now. He didn't care.
He didn't like pain and he didn't like dying. Dying hurt a lot. And how many times had he died now? He didn't know. Too many times to count. Some because he tried for it, some from when he was an experiment in Ǫ̯̬͚̯̀̓̌͒͘n̝̳͂̓ę̙̎̑ ̛̗F̦̬͆̈́͡ͅö̞̖́͆r͙͌ ̻̰̎͡À̻͎̪̾̊l͕͉͈͈̯̅͐́́̄l̻̲͍̾́͆͡ͅ'̯̯͖̦̳̐́̀͒̚ŝ̜̖͌ labs, before he met the permanent patrons of the Villain-run bar. Some of his deaths were even from accidents. Ever since his first suicide, ever since he was taken by them, he'd been the subject of much violence. Not that he hadn't been the subject of a lot of violence before, mostly under B̟̒͢͡ạ͍̳̽͒̿k̝̤̝͎̽̍̓̑ǔ͓͍̫͌͗ģ̙̤͉̓͐͑͂ő͓͔̩͉̓̐͠ȕ͈̣̂'͔̘̳̀͗͡s̮̥̤̀̄̊ hands, but he digressed.
Even so… even with how much he hated pain and dying, he certainly hated living a lot more. And he was just so annoyed and volatile right now. He wanted to be left alone. So, well, he just let his feelings slip right out of his mouth, acidic and self-hateful and angry and pleading all at once.
"Oh, yeah? Well, do it, then! Maybe if you turned all of me to dust instead of just parts of me like you did before there won't be enough of me to come back and I'd finally stay dead!"
Everyone froze when he said it, Tomura included. The man let go of him slowly, almost uncertainly, something unreadable in his eyes. Really, what did this guy want from him?
"...No. Master would be angry if I did that." His voice was a little too soft when he said this, but Izuku ignored that.
He chose to focus on how Tomura's words made sense to him instead. Tomura didn't ever want to do anything that might go against the awful man they worked under.
That had to be all that it was. After all, there was no way Tomura cared about him.
And while Kurogiri had finished his approach to talk more sense in the man, saying that Izuku was right and that they'd only managed to win because of the element of surprise that they had had and that they needed to regroup, Izuku noticed a light tremble in the people around him. Even Kurogiri's mist seemed flaky instead of strong and certain.
What? Was it something he'd said?
It was hard for Tomura to understand. For some reason, Master wanted him to find comrades. Wasn't he himself enough?! He tried to fight back, complaining, but then one day Master got tired of waiting for him to seek teammates on his own and had Kurogiri introduce a boy to him. The boy had freckles, messy green hair, dark, sunken eyes that didn't reflect any light back at Tomura when he looked into them (which, honestly, made the child look more like a walking corpse than an actual living person), and the boy was tiny. The clothes he wore, which looked like they should have been his size, hung from him as though they were five sizes too big because of how skinny he was. The boy wasn't quite to the point of being just bone yet, but he was certainly heading there. The expression on his caved-in face was one of just… if Tomura had to put words to it, they would be "exhaustion" and "utterly hopelessness."
"This is Izuku," Kurogiri informed him. "He'll be helping you from now on."
"Why? What good will he do? Look at him! He's a withered piece of junk!"
The boy flinched at his harsh words and tone of voice, and finally some light seemed to enter those void-like eyes of his when they focused on Tomura, as though he'd just woken up. There was a bit of a defensive glare there now, and determination – albeit, only a small amount. It made Tomura want to snarl at him.
"Oh, he'll be quite useful," he heard his Master say through the electronic screen he was talking to them through. "He's intelligent and good at planning ahead. His ability to map out heists and analyze people and their Quirks will be a great benefit to you and your own plans. Plus…" Tomura could hear the smirk in those words, and while normally he liked when he could hear his Master's smile, something about it this time unnerved him.
"Even if he dies, he'll return to you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Izuku," his Master regarded the boy. The child winced horribly at being called by him, that bit of light and determination that was there just moments ago in his expression vanishing just as quickly as they had appeared. "Demonstrate your Quirk."
The boy very clearly didn't want to, and he remained still, becoming incredibly tense. It was obvious that he was afraid of Master, for some reason, even though he was certain they were on the same side. Someone on Master's side shouldn't fear him – he was an incredible, kind, amazing person, and unless you were against him there was nothing to fear. So truly, it was puzzling to him that this boy was so clearly terrified of All For One.
"Izuku." His Master's voice was much more stern and harsh that time, lacking the softness that Tomura was used to hearing whenever All For One spoke to him himself.
The greenette trembled so much that it almost seemed like he could have hypothermia. His tense body seemed to creak as it moved, walking stiffly behind the bar's counter. His breathing was erratic, horror and pain so clearly on display for Tomura to see.
And while Tomura was certain he hated this new person in his life, for some reason, he felt very compelled to stop him from demonstrating whatever it was that Master wanted him to show Tomura. Something tugged at him to calm the boy down, even though he wasn't the type of person to care for getting someone to ease up and feel better.
Then, while Tomura was distracted with these odd, conflicting emotions that he had no idea how to deal with, the boy did as he was commanded to do.
It all happened so fast.
It made even someone as hardhearted as Tomura feel sick.
Even Kurogiri pointedly looked away, fists clenched as though he wanted to stop the show that their Master had ordered, just like Tomura.
And deep down, he wondered how many times Master had had this boy demonstrate his Quirk to people, and to whom, because it all seemed so practiced, so rehearsed. Like his only purpose was to show that, no matter how gruesome damage done to him could be, it still would not matter in the grand scheme of things.
He pulled out a spoon, a fork, and a steak knife from behind the bar. He was silent as he messily cut off his tongue with the dull blade. Then, when that was done, he gouged out an eye with the spoon. Tears were falling from his eye and eye socket and drool was spilling from his mouth, blood intermingled in with each of them.
Then the fork was used to take out his other eye, and the sockets that looked at him with those pools of bloody tears would haunt Tomura for the rest of his life.
Then the boy raised the hand that now was holding the serrated blade again, pointing it towards himself, and in the time that it takes someone to blink the knife went through his throat, and he started sawing down with it. Choked, garbled sounds and gasps escaped him as he cut open his esophagus.
Bile rose up in Tomura's throat. He hated this. He wanted – no, needed – to stop this. But he was completely and utterly frozen, and he couldn't look away.
The boy pulled the knife through one side of his neck, halfway severing his head, and somehow he was still standing, still alive. The blood streamed thickly down his side, staining his clothes and pooling on the floor beneath him. Then his tiny, shaking hand steadied the knife on the counter, pointing it up, his other hand helping keep his neck straight since the muscle on his right was now quite useless. Once he was in place, with practiced knowing, he slammed his face down onto the blade as hard as he could, finally falling dead to the ground, the blade now buried completely in his brain, all the way through one of his emptied sockets.
It was disgusting. It was disturbing. Tomura wretched a little in his mouth.
Killing someone was one thing. Watching someone mutilate themself like this was another thing entirely.
And why on Earth did he feel such a pull towards the boy?
And why was an act like that so clearly recited, down to the placement of the knife on the counter at the end so it would go perfectly through a fresh, eyeless opening in the skull? The boy was no-doubt blind by that point, smart or not, able to calculate or not, the aim of his head slamming down shouldn't have been that perfect!
Why did Master look so amused…?
"How is he supposed to be useful to me dead?!" he halfway shrieked, trying to control his urge to vomit.
"Just give him a moment. You'll see." Tomura was going to protest those words with his anger and impatience, but then he looked at the body as it started to twitch. As it stood, eyeballs hanging from their optical nerves, one crushed and one with the fork still hanging on to it. Blood was streaming up from the floor, up his body, soaking back into his wounds like he was a rag dropped in water. Even the blood that had stained his clothes was reabsorbed, and no red spots remained as the wound on his neck sewed itself back together. The eyeball that had been flattened by his body's weight when he fell reinflated like a balloon, then got sucked back into his skull via the stringy nerves like noodles of spaghetti. A hand shakily touched the other eye, cradling it as the other hand pulled out the fork from it, and the eye's blood and jelly-like fluids were pulled back into it as he cried out while shimmying the knife, trying to dislodge it. And when he pulled it out of his skull like Arther pulled the sword from the stone, his other eye got sucked in just like the last, along with any meat that had been clinging to the knife. To conclude, he picked up the (oh god, it was wriggling towards him!) dismembered tongue from the ground, which like the rest, had sucked back in whatever blood it had lost. He grimaced as he put it in his mouth, closing it and moving his facial muscles around as though he was juggling around a jawbreaker candy, and when he opened his mouth again, his tongue was back to being attached to its base.
There was a faint scar on his neck, the shape that he'd cut, that made Tomura notice countless others on the little bits of exposed skin on the boy's body. But that was the only evidence that remained. Not a drop of blood was left behind.
"P-Please – Please don't make me do that ag-again," the boy stuttered, his voice small and nearly silent, a desperate plea. "It hurts. And the dust and other things that get inside me don't feel or taste good either."
At that, All For One laughed, and Tomura just barely stopped himself from glaring at the man who had saved him so long ago. He'd… He'd never felt like glaring at him before. It was strange.
Also, for the first time since he was a child who'd accidently killed his family, Tomura considered the thought that maybe he needed therapy. Because seeing something like that "demonstration" was absolutely traumatizing.
Tomura shook his head, shaking out the memory that came to him as he looked at the boy that had long-since proved he was invaluable to him. The boy was sitting in a corner, alone, like he always did, scribbling away in the notebooks that Kurogiri would often gift him with.
He was smaller than he was back when he'd met him. Bonier. And while Tomura didn't care if others were like that, he disliked seeing the greenette in such a state. He didn't need any help with looking small.
Really, why did he care? Izuku was a pawn in his game. A pawn like everyone else, everyone else except Master.
But he cared. He cared and he hated it. Just like he hated leaving halfway through such a successful attack. That's why he lashed out at the annoying brat, grabbing him, threatening him. The boy flinched, and inwardly Tomura felt simultaneous twinges of satisfaction and displeasure, but then the boy said it.
"Oh, yeah? Well, do it, then! Maybe if you turned all of me to dust instead of just parts of me like you did before there won't be enough of me to come back and I'd finally stay dead!"
Now, back when they were more violent to each other – back when he often used his Quirk on Izuku, torturing him and berating him until he would eventually come back good as new – maybe he would have done it. Maybe he would have liked it. But now… Now…
He said that his reason for not doing it was because Master would be upset if he managed to actually end Izuku, but…
It wasn't. It wasn't why he calmed down instantly and walked away.
No.
The real reason was because his god-forsakened heart cared about Izuku. And while he was often violent before, he was much less so now. At least, when it came to the boy.
In a way, Izuku reminded him of long ago. The sister that he didn't… entirely hate (or entirely remember, really). But Izuku was better than she ever was. He was…
He was helpful. He cared, even if he was prickly and even if he said he hated Tomura. He would still come up and sit beside him whenever he was upset, like a therapy animal that sensed something was wrong, without Tomura even mentioning that he was unhappy. And while the boy often avoided touch with everyone, he didn't always avoid the touch of Shigaraki. And something about that just felt so… nice.
Although, for some reason, Izuku had been even more… jittery, lately. Even more avoidant of everyone, and more suspicious and scared. Even more, even, than when he'd first met the child.
He didn't like that he cared so much. He didn't like that he wanted to ask what was going on. He didn't like that he wanted to protect the child, like a friend, like a sibling. He wasn't used to feelings like this.
It was exhausting.
He hated whenever he found out that the boy had died and been resurrected. Yes, Izuku would come back without issue, but it was just as inconvenient as it was worrisome. Seemingly-immortal or not, Izuku felt pain, and it was clear that dying had a strain on his mental state. His memory had been… spotty at best as of late, and his changes in behavior of sensitivities were bothersome. And all of that was worrying. It was troublesome for their plans, and it was just… very concerning in general.
Almost everyone they had come to welcome in their viscous cult had come to love the boy to some degree or other. He had an air about him that drew others to him. Made people like Tomura care about him, no matter how much they denied and fought against it. And, well… it was hard not to worry over someone you cared about.
Tomura had, unfortunately, learned that the hard way.
Damn this brat. Damn him for finding his way into Tomura's previously-thought-to-be-nonexistent heart.
Himiko liked this place. She liked the people, too. She came because she was free to be herself here, and partly because Stain had come here too, even if he was one of the people the Heroes managed to capture during their attack and was thus no longer among their ranks.
She liked Shigaraki, even if he was tough to get along with and understand at first. Luckily, that was easy enough to get used to. She liked Dabi okay enough, but she didn't really want to hang out with him much, if she had to be honest. He didn't seem to be the type to want to hang around, either, so it worked out. Kurogiri was fun to mess with; he was way too serious, after all! Spinner was fun to play with, too, although he was bummed out at the moment since Stain wasn't with them anymore. Magne was wonderful, but she was busy at the moment. Twice was fun, but he was who Magne was busy with, since he was in need of reassurance from their den mother, so that left him busy, too. There were lots of others, but… none of them were really interesting to her.
That is… except for her spar partner, Izuku. He was taught to fight by mostly her herself after she was asked to work with him, or she liked to think he was mostly taught by her. It made her feel more special, in regards to him. He was cute and fun, and she really liked him.
Loved him, even. He was just so… so…!
His hair was fluffy, and even if he was way too thin, he was strong in his own ways. He was smart, and able to redirect a fight to use an opponent's strengths against them. Plus, no matter how much he was hurt, no matter how much he bled, he didn't die! He always got back up! That made him perfect for a girl whose Quirk was vampiric in nature, and whose interests mostly involved blood and violence. And when she killed him on accident after ingesting some of his blood, it was such an interesting feeling to feel the blood she swallowed trying to get back out of her! Not to mention, but he was cute and shy, and easily flustered and embarrassed. She loved that about him, just like how she loved everything else about him. He was so cool. He always looked good, especially when he was beat up and bleeding, but she liked when he was looking all cute in his oversized clothes curled up in a corner like he was now too. Of course, she still liked the others, they were like family to her. But Izuku was the person she felt she actually love-loved. Like, red string of fate kind of love! The thing that brought them together was destiny itself!
So with that all being said, and with everyone but Izuku busy, she playfully skipped over to him. He was still reeling over his, um, argument? She was sure it was an argument, since it was with Izuku and Tomura, but she wasn't sure. She didn't hear what had been said. So yeah, he was still reeling over that, looking distracted and upset and prickly like a tired old cat with cactus thorns stuck in its bum. He didn't notice her when she tried to say hi, so she got his attention by ruffling his hair. His pretty, soft green hair. He was so fluffy! Like a sheep!
Ruffling his hair certainly got his attention, and he looked at her with fear at first, but then his expression was one of quiet amusement and familiarity, then he started stuttering and blushing, waving his arms around like the silly thing he is. "Izuku-kun, you're spacing out again." She smiled at him as he apologized, sitting beside him after asking and then not waiting for his answer. He didn't seem to mind, but when he realized how close they were, he got all flustered again and curled up like how he did whenever he was a bit uncomfortable. Whatever gods existed, she would have to thank them for making such a sweet and cool and adorable person's existence possible.
"You're always so shy!" she laughed. "It's really surprising! You're the reason most of us decided to stay and listen to Tomura-chan! Stain-chan liked you, after all."
"Y-Y-Yeah, well, I, u-umm…" Himiko couldn't help but giggle at his stuttering, and he blushed more at the sound, embarrassed. Although, he also became slightly less tense, so he was at least relaxing some. She was glad that he could relax (kinda) around her.
"It's okay. I really like that about you. I really like everything about you." Her grin lessened a little as she started thinking to herself out loud. "I think Tomura-chan is too harsh with you. I don't know why he was yelling at you just now, I wasn't paying attention, but I think you need to take a break!"
Izuku seemed taken aback by this, his brows furrowing as he started chewing absentmindedly on his fingers until they bled. On one hand, Himiko liked it and found it to be pretty - it was blood on the boy she liked, after all - but on the other hand, he shouldn't be hurting himself, especially without even thinking about it. It was a bad habit. "Well, I-I… I have to… to work h-harder. I need to… I-I really need to p-plan out the next parts of our, our takeover and m-make sure t-t-to have b-backup plans and-"
"And you! Need! A break!" Izuku jumped a little at her interruption, but he smiled again, his cheek bones jutting out a little from his skin at the soft gesture. Himiko smiled back at him.
"Sorry, but you were going to mumble forever if I didn't stop you! And Regardless of what you say, you need to take care of yourself! You're no good to us if you actually die and stay dead, you know, or if your brain decides to break from all the stress and overwork! That would be no fun. I like you better alive and with us, you know. You're my friend and I like you a lot! You play with me, you don't think I'm weird like most 'normal'" – she used her fingers to make quotations on that word – "people, and most of our people, do, and you're really cute and cool and smart! You should take a day off!" She snatched his notebook away from him after saying all of this, and he tried to get it back, but she kept it away and kept teasing him with her grin. "Nonono, you won't get this back! Not right now!" she set the notebook down next to him, grabbing his outstretched hand instead, pulling him to his feet. He blushed and looked down to his side, avoiding every eye that was on them, every eye that was on him. Especially hers.
"I would invite you to practice and fight with me, but you're exhausted." She made him look at her, brushing her thumbs under his eyes. "But you've been working too! Dang! Much! Look at these dark circles! They're worse than mine!" He tried to pull away from her, but she wasn't having it. "Izuku! Stop. Listen. You need a break. I know it's important for us to keep planning, especially for you – you're our planner and all, our great leader's right-hand-guy, but it's clear you haven't stopped and breathed in ages!"
"...S...So what…?" He said, finally stopping everything. No longer trying to escape, no longer trying to reach for the notebook. "I… I'm happy you think I'm your f-friend, Toga–"
"HIMIKO!"
"H...Himiko...chan…?." She giggled. "I'm g-glad we're… f-friends. I'm h-happy you're w-worried, but, but!"
"No buts! You need rest too, you dingus!" Even he smiled and almost choked out a laugh at that. That was a win in her book! "We have time to plan. It'll take forever for everyone to regroup on both sides of this war. Your initial attack plan went amazingly, I mean, that attack on that, whatsit, USJ building or whatever? It went so good, and we got rid of like, half the city with it! Kurogiri said that that never would have happened without you when we all got back here, you heard him! So take a minute to relax. Your brain won't work right enough to make the next part of the plan and backup plans and backup-backup plans if you don't."
Finally, he was relenting. "Okay." His voice was so soft and quiet, like the rest of him, when he said that word. His face looked peaceful for once, like a million kilograms had been lifted off of his chest and like he was finally allowing himself to not think. She smiled, grabbed his hands again, and dragged him along with her as she walked towards the door of their building. "W-Wha–?! H-Himiko-chan, what?!"
"Sssshhhh, just come with me, no questions! I wanna go shopping and get some food with you! You need clothes and food and so do I, I've decided!" She looked over at everyone else, especially Tomura and Kurogiri and their main little group of basically VIP's, waved, and yelled to them.
"IZUKKUN AND I ARE GOING OUT FOR A BIT SEE YOU SOON BYYYEEEEEEE!" and before anyone could protest, she led the blushing, timid, green-haired boy outside – he was flustered over the nickname and the sheer abruptness of everything, clearly, and she loved it.
Maybe she should tell him that she wanted this to be a date. He would probably be even more cute and shy than he already was now!
A/N:
OH GOOD GOLLY GOODNESS GOSH I'm so sorry this took so long, and thank you for your patience! I hope it was worth the wait for you all; I worked so hard on it. I may have over-edited the first bit and under-edited the last bit; so let me know if you see mistakes or if things don't entirely make sense, I'll fix it up in an edit! This one was such a doozy to write, but nowhere near the biggest doozy. That doozy is allotted for many chapters for now, and I'm still suffering through my brain and thoughts on how to go about it. I spent a lot of time thinking on this one as it was - I changed the format and wording so many times, and changed the placement of so many chapters on my rubric I wrote out, so it's definitely taken longer than intended, especially with how life's been hitting so hard recently, but meeehhhhh. I've been itching to finish this up for so long. Like I mentioned earlier, I really hope you all like it and that it was worth it! As always, reviews and comments and concerns and critiques are always appreciated! I hope you all have a lovely day! 3