Mob didn't know where she wanted to be.
She knew where she was, of course, she was home. The train ride was over and now she was home. The place that she was calling home right now, anyway. Tokyo. Not Sendai. Not the Castle. She was home now. The Castle hadn't been her home in years. She had spent more time away from it than in it, it felt like. She had left the Castle when she had been seven and now she was twelve…almost half of her life. Seven times two was fourteen and six times two was twelve…so that was about half. Sho had been away from the Castle for half of his life…but he was back now.
Without her.
He was back at the Castle and she was here with their friends in Tokyo. It was cold, it was dark, and Mob wanted to be inside. Was Sho inside? Had he gotten lost? Was there even still heat at the house? She didn't know if dad had assigned a house sitter, the bigger Claw houses had house sitters so nothing bad happened to them, and if he hadn't then Sho…then he was going to be coming to a house that had no heat or lights or-or-or-
She needed to get to her little brother.
"Minegishi?" asked Mob as the car they were in came to a stop in front of their houses. Minegishi tossed a handful of money at the driver. You didn't have to pay for Claw cars but Minegishi said that taking Claw cars was too dangerous. Dad might have noticed and then he would have started asking questions…and Mob didn't want to lie to him, she wasn't good at it.
"Not until we get inside." Said Minegishi. They put their hand on Mob's shoulder and pushed…right. She had to open her own car door. She never opened them herself.
"You've been saying that for the whole trip." Said Mob as she opened the door.
"And yet you haven't been listening." Said Minegishi. They gave Mob another push. Right. They wanted to go home…so did Mob. She wanted to be at home but she needed to be near Sho…but what she wanted and needed didn't matter. Minegishi said that they needed to come home. They had said that they had a pill for her to take so she didn't get pregnant….she put her hand to her stomach…it felt normal.
She would have noticed, right?
It seemed like the sort of thing that she would have noticed. A whole person growing in her stomach. She would have felt it, right? When it started growing? She didn't know…she hadn't really thought about this before. Having a baby. This had been one of those things that she had assumed she'd have to worry about when she grew up. She hadn't thought that she would have ever had….ever had sex. Not that she ever would have thought that any boy would ever have wanted that from her. Well Shimazaki liked her…but he had said that it wasn't a sex thing. Did that mean that he didn't want to have sex with her? Or maybe now that she'd had it he would have wanted to. Or maybe now that she'd done this with another boy he wouldn't have liked her anymore. Also she might have been pregnant and she didn't know why Shimazaki would have wanted to be with her if she was pregnant. On TV dads were always running away when the woman got pregnant.
But Shimazaki liked babies, so she didn't really know.
"Mob, come on." Said Minegishi. They reached over and grabbed her by the sleeve. She followed. They led her not to her house but to theirs. She tried to turn, to go to her house, just for a little bit. To chance clothes and take a bath and…and other things. Things that took up time. Things that would take up so much time that by the time she was done everyone but Minegishi would have been asleep.
That wasn't going to happen.
Minegishi didn't let her turn around. They led her up the stairs and through the front door of their house. Everyone was still up. She could hear Mukai running around the house. The TV was on, too, she could see it from the genkan. Shibata was watching Iron Chef again. He did that every night. That was normal. Mukai was running around the house, too, and saying that she didn't want to take a bath. That was normal too. If she went upstairs she probably would have heard Serizawa and Hatori playing videogames. Shimazaki was probably bothering them, she could feel his aura. He normally bothered them when he got bored. This was a normal night. This had been a normal day for everyone.
How could this have been such a normal day?
"Mob, you're back! We were starting to get worried." Said Shibata. He waved at her from his chair in the living room. He had a bunch of yarn all around him. He was still really behind in his Christmas presents. He probably wanted her to help hold the yarn…that was normal….
"I-I'm sorry to…to worry you….um….how are the Christmas sweaters going?" asked Mob as she slipped her shoes off and faced them the right way. Minegishi was still getting their boots off. They had one boot off and now they were working on the other. Mob wished that they wore slip on boots the way she did. That way they wouldn't have had to deal with laces. That way Mob would have been out of the genkan by now.
Away from here.
Shibata was one of the nicest people she had ever met in her life. Sure he looked big and scary but that was just because she was really small. He was nice and she knew that he never would have made fun of her or made her feel bad…but the thought of him knowing….the thought of anyone other than Minegishi knowing…she wanted to run…
But she couldn't. That wouldn't have been a nice thing to do at all.
"Some of them are going to have to be Christmas scarves, but don't worry. You and Sho are getting sweaters. Mukai too, but she'll have to grow into hers." Said Shibata
"I still haven't grown into the one that you made me when I turned ten." Said Mob. She didn't know where that sweater was but she needed it. She needed something big, something that she could live in. Something that she could disappear into. Shibata was looking at her…did he know? Could he tell? She didn't want him to know! She didn't want-oh. Minegishi took her by the hand. They had finished with their boots.
They weren't facing the right way.
Mob used her powers to fix Minegishi's boots. They had just kicked them off into the corner once the laces had been undone. That wasn't right. She fixed their shoes and then put her shoes closer to theirs. There was plenty of genkan but…but they didn't have to use it all up at once. Other people might have wanted to put their spare shoes there or-or something. She just….didn't want to take up too much of the genkan.
That wouldn't have been very nice at all.
"We'll worry about Christmas later, now come on." Said Minegishi
"What's going on?" asked Shibata
"None of your business." Said Minegishi as they led Mob away. She just nodded and followed them. That hadn't been very nice at all but that was ok. She was the one who had to be nice, not Minegishi. They were mostly just nice to her. They could be as mean as they wanted to. Mob didn't know how to be mean, she didn't want to be mean, but that was ok. Minegishi could be mean for her.
Not that Mob wanted to be mean….
She wanted to be normal. If this had been a normal night then she would have been sitting on the floor in front of Shibata. She would have been holding the yarn for him like she had done since she had been a little kid. Mukai would have been there too, she would have been kicking the yarn around and screaming 'soccer' or something like that. Shimazaki and Sho would have been encouraging her, they could be kind of mean like that. They sometimes brought out the worst in each other…but she didn't care. She would rather have had Sho at his worst right in front of her than Sho at his worst back at the Castle.
Why couldn't this have been a normal day?
She pulled her sleeve down. Cover for me was still written on her arm. She could have listened. She should have listened. At least if she had listened then she might have been able to avoid everything that had happened. The things she did. The mistakes she'd made. Sho had made some mistakes too, he never should have left, but she had made bigger ones. She was the one who might have been having a baby.
A baby.
"No bath! No bath for me tonight!" shouted Mukai as she ran out of the bathroom. She slipped a little, she was all wet, but Mob caught her. She had to be there for at least one her of her siblings. If Sho had been there then it would have been bath night. Sho hated bath night more than Mukai did. He hated it but he had to take baths. She was his sister and it was her job to do what was best for him.
Sort of like a mom did.
"Shigeko! You back now!" said Mukai as Mob put her back down onto her feet.
"Hi Mukai….I'm back. How-how was your day?" asked Mob
"I fall down….over there. No bath for me tonight." Said Mukai
"Oh, that's-" said Mob
"Shigeko? You're back. Hey, can you help me give her a bath. She's been-" said Tsuchiya as she stuck her head out of the bathroom. Mob couldn't look at her. She focused on Mukai. She could feel Tsuchiya's eyes and aura on her. Tsuchiya was a girl and a mom. Could she tell? Just from looking…could she tell what Mob had done? Had she ever done that before? Mukai had been adopted. That meant that she might not have even known about stuff like that. Well she was an adult and that was what adults did but she didn't have any babies she had made herself…
Mob didn't want to risk it so she looked away.
"No bath, mama, no bath tonight!" shouted Mukai as she tried to run away. Tsuchiya was faster and her arms were longer.
"She's busy! Come on, Mob." Said Minegishi. They pulled Mob down the hall and towards their room. They had been mean to Tsuchiya. Mob actually did want to help Tsuchiya give Mukai a bath. That would have been the sort of thing a good big sister would have done. It was a normal thing to do. She just…just wanted this night to be normal.
But it wasn't normal. Nothing about this night was normal.
"I can help Tsuchiya. I mean if she needs help then I should help her." said Mob as she was led to Minegishi's room. Shimazaki was in there. She could hear his aura and she could hear his music. Minegishi never played their music that loud. Shimazaki…he was right on the other side of that door…and he liked her. He had kissed her before. He had kissed her on the mouth a bunch of times. If he had wanted to then…then he could have asked her to do all the things with her…
Things that he'd done with Minegishi.
Mob couldn't look up from the ground. She knew, well she had known for a while, but now she REALLY knew. She knew what they did. About the stabbing and the slime. About the kissing. The touching. All of it. They had done that before. Mob had done that before. She didn't know what she was supposed to do now. She wanted to leave. She wanted to go back home, back to her room, back under her blankets where she could be alone.
That wasn't going to happen. Minegishi was still holding onto her.
"No, you can't. Time, Mob, we're running out of time. Now come on." Said Minegishi. They opened their door. Mob kept her eyes closed as Minegishi led her into the room.
"Mob, hey, you're alive!" said Shimazaki. Mob nodded and closed her eyes. She couldn't open them. If she opened them then she would see him and then…well then he might have known. He might have known and then he might have asked her to have sex with him. Then she would have had to…to do that…with her best friend's boyfriend.
"I-I-I-" said Mob
"Ryou, go snort coke and do pushups somewhere else." Said Minegishi
"I can't. Shibata kicked me out of the living room." Said Shimazaki
"That's not my problem. Now go." Said Minegishi
"Come on, let me stay. I've got enough for my two favorite people." Said Shimazaki. Mob opened her eyes. She could have really used some coke right about now. She just needed a little, enough to make her feel better. Enough to make her feel like she was on top of the world. Enough to give her complete control over her powers and her feelings. Well the only feelings she had were all good so she didn't worry as much about losing control. She didn't worry about anything.
She reached for the mirror.
Minegishi had longer arms. They picked up the mirror and put it down on their dresser. Their eyes looked down at the mirror but they didn't pick it up and take their turn. They just left it there on their dresser. That was kind of….not that nice. Minegishi had told her back when she was ten that she wasn't allowed to have coke…but she was older now. She was twelve and she knew her limits. They liked coke too, anyway, Shimazaki had said so.
She didn't understand Minegishi sometimes.
"You've had enough, now go. Mob and I have some things we need to discuss." Said Minegishi
"Does this have anything to do with the fact that Sho's missing? Because even I'm starting to worry. He might be down a well. We found this well the other day and we've got this plan going to steal wishes but first we need to-" said Shimazaki
"Sho's fine, Ryou, now go." Said Minegishi. There was something in their voice. Shimazaki looked up at them and then got out of the push up position. She looked away. He reached over and-oh. His shirt. She kicked the shirt over towards him. He needed a shirt. He needed better pants, too, not just sleep shorts. He was a boy, she knew that, but she didn't want to see him as a boy. She didn't want to see him at all.
She closed her eyes again.
"Ok, ok, I'll go. But I love you, Toshi, ok? I love you and I would really like to sleep in the bed again or we can at least talk about or-or-or we could work out some kind of bed schedule. You can have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and I'll take Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. We can share on Sundays, we don't even have to fuck if you don't want to. I just want to hold you and smell you and listen to you breathe-" said Shimazaki
"Ryou!" said Minegishi
"Leaving!" said Shimazaki. She heard him teleport away. She felt the energy around her shift. She still kept her eyes closed, though, just in case he came back. She didn't want to look at him. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to be around him right now. Him or any boy!
She didn't want to be around boys right now. Not now and not for a while.
Boys were…they were people who she could do…things…with. All of the things. Like sex. She had done all the things. She had done them all with Teru and that meant that she could do them with other boys. It was…the world felt bigger and smaller. Her face felt warmer. She didn't know. She didn't know why she was thinking about this. She didn't want to do it with any other boys…she never wanted to do it again! It had been weird and awkward and just…she didn't get it. Why people did this. Why people wrote so many songs and books about it. Why so many people put it in movies and shows. Why did adults spend so much time trying to find other adults to do this with?
Adults were weird. The world was weird.
"Where the fuck is it?" muttered Minegishi. Mob could hear them moving around. They were opening and closing drawers really hard. She hoped that they hadn't knocked the coke over. She didn't know if she could have picked it up out of the rug even with her powers. It was so small she couldn't even see it in her mind's eye.
"Can I help?" asked Mob
"No, just…sit on my bed. We have a lot to talk about…if I can ever find this damn pill." Said Minegishi. Mob nodded and then did as she was told. She sat down on their bed and watched them. They were digging through all of their drawers. She knew what they were looking for now. They made medicine to keep people from having babies. It didn't make sense. Why would someone do this if they couldn't have a baby?
What was the point of something so weird and gross if you weren't going to at least get a baby out of it?
"Um…" said Mob. Was it ok for her to ask? Minegishi had been born a girl and they knew about this sort of thing. She knew that they knew all about sex and stuff like that. She knew that they had done everything before. She knew that they were her best friend. They knew that she could trust them.
But she also knew that this was not the kind of thing you asked someone about.
"I swear to God…what? What is it?" asked Minegishi
"Do I…do really need that pill?" asked Mob. Minegishi stopped what they were doing and stared at her. She stared at them. She didn't know what that stare meant. She couldn't tell what they were feeling even through their aura. A plant on their headboard grew bright green flowers. Mob didn't know flower languages.
"Yes. You do." Said Minegishi. They shook their head and then pulled shirt out of their drawer. They unfolded it until they got to a box. It was from some country that spoke English, there wasn't any Japanese on it at all. It took Mob a moment to read it.
Plan B.
What was plan a then? Was plan a have a baby? That…this hadn't been planned! She hadn't planned anything, things had just happened. So how could she take plan a before she tried plan b? But plan a might have been having a baby. She had taken care of Mukai before, dad had given her Mukai, and she had taken good care of her. Mukai hadn't been her baby, though, not from her. She didn't know if she could take care of a baby that she had made…or if she could have a baby….
She could make more people now.
"Finally…and it's the American version too. Why in the hell do I have…whatever. Mob, this is for you." Said Minegishi. They took the bottle of orange soda from their dresser and handed it to her. She held the soda in one hand, the pills in the other, and looked up at Minegishi. She…she didn't know what she was supposed to do with these…
Take the pill?
She had never taken a pill before. Even Shimazaki said not to mess around with pills. She knew that if he thought that something was dangerous then it must have been really dangerous. She didn't know how to take a pill, to swallow something without chewing. She had spent her entire life being told to chew her food. How was she supposed to just ignore that now? How was she supposed to just put this in her mouth and…and swallow it? How was-
Minegishi took the box from her hand.
"Here, let me." Said Minegishi as they opened the box. They pulled out a silver thing with two white pills in it. Was that in case she was double pregnant? She didn't even think that she was pregnant. She didn't know how she was supposed to tell if she was or wasn't….but if she had been pregnant then her stomach would have been big like mom's was…right? Or did it take a long time for your stomach to get that big? She didn't know.
She didn't know a lot of things.
"Here. Take this one now and take the next one in twelve…you know what? I'm going to give you the next one in twelve hours." Said Minegishi as they handed her a white pill. It looked like a piece of candy, one of those smarty things that nobody liked but everyone put in the bags of Halloween candy mix. It felt chalky in her hand. She closed her fist around it. It didn't feel so big when it was in her hand.
"Today, Mob, today." Said Minegishi
"I've never done this before." Said Mob
"Don't let that stop you…sorry. Sorry, just…just take the pill. Ok? Put the pill on your tongue and then swallow a mouthful of soda. It might feel like it's getting stuck in your throat. If that happens just drink more soda. Can you do that?" asked Minegishi. Mob nodded and then did as she was told. The soda was flat. The pill was chalky. It felt like she had a piece of orange flavored chalk in her mouth. She tried to swallow it down with her soda but her tongue wouldn't let it go. It pressed the pill to the roof of her mouth when she swallowed.
So she tried again.
It took three times for her to swallow the pill. She could feel it going down her throat and then into her stomach. Wait, did it even go to the stomach? Was it going down her throat to the…whatever that part was called. The part where the baby lived. She didn't know what it was called but she knew it was near her stomach. That was why her stomach hurt when she got her period.
If she had a baby she wouldn't have had have her period anymore.
No more cramps…that would have been good…but having a baby hurt. She had seen enough movies to know that having a baby hurt. The baby had to come out of her…she didn't know how she could fit a person inside of her let alone push one out. She didn't need to know, though, right? This pill made sure that she wouldn't have a baby…she couldn't have a baby, she was twelve…
But she did a lot of things that twelve year olds weren't supposed to do.
"Ok. I'm done." Said Mob. She handed Minegishi back their soda. They just put it on the floor next to them. That wasn't where that went…but this wasn't her room. She didn't get to tell them where to put their soda even though someone could have tripped over it and fallen.
"Good…good. I'll give you the second one in twelve hours…and then we'll wait. We won't be able to do anything other than wait." Said Minegishi
"Wait for what?" asked Mob
"Your next period." Said Minegishi
"Minegishi! Not so loud!" said Mob. She covered her face with her hands and peaked out through the spaces between her fingers. They had said that so loud…anyone could have heard! She knew that people knew but…but they didn't need to KNOW about it!
"Nobody's listening. Nobody can hear us over whatever the hell Ryou's got playing right now." Said Minegishi. The motioned to the laptop. Shimazaki's music was still going. Mob took her hands down from her face. That was…ok. She was ok. Nobody had heard them talking about her period and nobody would. They weren't even talking about that now. They were talking about…what had they been talking about? Right. The music…she knew this music. She could keep up a conversation about music.
"It's called Love and it's-" said Mob
"I know it's called Love. I just meant….we can talk about this later. We have a lot to talk about right now. A lot that you're not going to want to talk about, I know you won't, but that's too damn bad. We're going to talk about it." Said Minegishi
"What…what are we going to talk about?" asked Mob. Anything but her period. She would have been happy with literally anything but her period.
"Sex." Said Minegishi. The window behind Mob flew opened and then slammed shut. She hadn't meant to do that….she had to be more careful with her wishes! They came true but in the worst way possible!
"I-I don't need to talk about that, I know what that is. I have to-to-to go now. Goodbye!" said Mob. She tried to get up but Minegishi stood in front of her and put their hand on her shoulder.
"Sit down." Said Minegishi
"Ok." Said Mob as she sat back down. Minegishi didn't look like they wanted to be argued with. They looked…their aura looked mad.
"This isn't exactly a walk in the park for me either, you know. I have no clue what I'm even supposed to…what do I even say to this? You're twelve years old. You're twelve years old and you're out there having unprotected sex." Said Minegishi. The window slammed again. The music was still playing but they were talking way too loud! Mob didn't want anyone to know what she had done. She was taking this to her grave. She was taking this with her to the other side. If she didn't go to the other side then this would be her unfinished business and she would haunt secret keepers or….or something.
"Please…not so loud….don't say that word." Whispered Mob
"What? Sex? Mob, if you're not mature enough to hear the word then you're not mature enough to be having it." Said Minegishi. They still had their hand on her shoulder like they were worried that she was going to run away or something…but she wasn't! She was…she wasn't a kid anymore. Not any kind of a kid. She had done all the things. That was what you needed to do to be an adult, right? All of the things. She was the Vice President of Claw, she ran her whole household, and she had done all of the things. She wasn't a kid anymore and she didn't want to be treated like one.
"I-I'm mature!" said Mob. Minegishi shook their head…but she was telling the truth. The only thing that separated them from her was time and time…time didn't mean anything. It didn't feel like it did, anyway. Time….it seemed like what you did mattered more…and Mob had done a lot. She had done enough to know that she had done something wrong and she didn't need Minegishi to tell her that she messed up.
"You. Are. Twelve. Mob…you're twelve…you're not read for this. You're not ready to-to start with this…you're not ready for this kind of responsibility." Said Minegishi
"I can handle responsibility. I'm not a little kid anymore." Said Mob. She knew that she had messed up…but she could handle it. She could handle any kind of responsibility. Her whole life was responsibility.
"This is not how you prove your maturity! Is that why you did this? So I wouldn't think that you were a kid anymore?" asked Minegishi
"No! I didn't even think about that!" said Mob
"Then why did you do it? Because you're in love with this kid?" asked Minegishi
"I-I don't know!" said Mob
"Were you just horny? Is that it? Mob, I know for a fact that you are VERY well aware that guys aren't necessary to-" said Minegishi
"I don't know why I did it, ok?! I just…I was sad and he was there and we were kissing and smoking and then I said that I wanted to do all the things and…and then we did ALL the things and-and-and it wasn't even good! It was awkward and weird and slimy and he fell asleep afterwards and I was all slimy and gross but I couldn't-" said Mob
"Mob-" said Minegishi
"I couldn't get up and go! Not even to the bathroom! He would have woken up and then if he woke up he might have wanted to again and-and-and I don't want to do it again! it's just-just-just slimy stabbing! It's not like-like-like it was supposed to be! It's not-" said Mob
"Shigeko-" said Minegishi
"It's not supposed to be like-like-like what happened! It's not supposed to be like this and-and-and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say or do or to-to-to feel. I don't know how I'm even supposed to feel and you're mad at me and-" said Mob
"Suzuki!" said Minegishi. They shouted, then, so loudly that Mob hadn't even been able to hear the music over their voice. Someone must have noticed…but the thought of someone noticing wasn't nearly as scary as the memory of Minegishi shouting. The only person who ever shouted at her like that was dad but dad hadn't shouted like that in a while. Not since…not since their fight. Wait was this a fight? Were she and Minegishi fighting right now? She didn't want to fight with them, she didn't want to fight with anyone. She didn't know what she wanted…for all of this to be over? To be with Sho? To be back at the Castle? To be…to be little again? She didn't know…she didn't know a lot of things…but she did know that Minegishi was mad at her.
"….you're mad at me." Said Mob. Minegishi closed their eyes and sighed. Mob reached out for their hand. She knew why they were mad at her, she could tell. They sighed like that when they were mad. They gave her hand a squeeze. She squeezed their hand back.
"I…I'm not mad." Said Minegishi before they let go of her hand and sat down. The closed their eyes and took a deep breath. They let their head hang down. If their hair had still been loud then she wouldn't have been able to see their face. She could see their face, though, and they looked…not happy. Their aura was easier to read. It looked tired. Maybe they wanted to go to bed. Maybe that was why they were so mad at her.
"You are." Said Mob. They lifted their head and looked right at her.
"I'm not." Said Minegishi. They held eye contact with her the whole time. She was the first one to look away. She had always been good at staring contests…but she didn't want to win this one. She didn't even want to compete.
"I can tell that you are. I did something bad and now you're mad at me." Said Mob. She focused on the blanket under her. There were so many little purple flowers. Some were opened, some were closed, and some were somewhere in between. She wondered how many there were of each. Maybe she needed to count them to find out. That seemed like it would have taken a long time…a long enough time that Minegishi forgot what they had been so mad about.
"You didn't do anything bad and I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you…for this. There are a lot of things I'm mad at you about right now but the fact that you had sex isn't it. You did something stupid, incredibly stupid, but not bad. There's nothing wrong with what you did…just how you did it." Said Minegishi. They reached over and took her hand in theirs again. She had never noticed, before, how much bigger their hand was than hers. It felt rougher, she opened her fingers and laced hers with theirs. They had bigger hands, rougher hands, but she didn't mind. Just so long as they weren't mad at her.
"But then why were you yelling at me?" asked Mob. She didn't like being called stupid but it was better than them being mad at her.
"Because I…I've been trying to figure out what I'm supposed to say to you. This whole time, the whole train ride, I went over and over in my head what I was going to say to you…and I said the wrong thing. I'm not mad at you. I'm just…I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed." Said Minegishi. She wished, now, that they had stuck to being mad at her. It never felt good when an adult said that they weren't mad, no, that they were just disappointed. Mom used to say that, and it had hurt, but nowhere near as much as it had hurt when Minegishi had said it.
It hurt.
She didn't know how to make the hurt stop. She didn't know how to make it all just…just stop. The lights flickered on and off. The dresser drawers opened and Minegishi's clothes came tumbling out. She hadn't meant to make a mess…and now they were going to be any more disappointed! She didn't know what she could do to make it stop…she never should have done anything. She never should have even left her house that day! She could still see the words on her arm, where her shirt sleeve had ridden up. There, cover for me. There it was and…and she should have just covered for him! And-and-and she never should have stayed with Teru. She should have gone after him. She should have just…just gone back to the Castle. She knew how to be a good sister but she had ignored everything she knew just so that she could…so that she could do something really dumb….
"Because I had sex with Teru….I know that I did something wrong. I didn't even mean to. We were just kissing and then-" said Mob
"One thing led to another." Said Minegishi
"Yes…that's it. One thing led to another….and I'm sorry! I shouldn't have-" Said Mob
"No. Don't apologize for what you did…just how you did it. Sometimes one thing leads to another, that's how it goes sometimes, one thing leads to another and then…and then mistakes get made. It's…gone that way for me a few times too, you know." Said Minegishi. They leaned back, now, all the way back. Their back was against the wall. Mob scooted to the back of the bed, too, the whole time not letting go of their hand.
They let go of her hand first.
They let go of her hand so they could sit up. She and Minegishi both had their backs pressed to the wall now. It was cold. The room was warm but the wall was cold. She didn't know why that was but she knew not to ask. She didn't know what the atmosphere was in this room but it didn't feel like it wanted to be disturbed.
So she didn't say anything.
"I've made a lot of mistakes, you know, a lot of them…and I don't want you to make mine. I don't want to see you fuck your life up in all the same ways I did." Said Minegishi
"You….you f-worded your life up?" asked Mob. That didn't seem right. She didn't know why they thought that their life was all f-worded up. They were smart and nice and…and the best friend that she had ever had. They always knew how to make her feel better. They always thought about her, about how she felt. They had a boyfriend who loved them, too, and a lot of other friends. They had all the books that they ever could have read, all the plants in the world, and they could color their hair and nobody got mad. Their life wasn't f-worded up at all.
"I did. A lot of different times in a lot of different ways. I just…the last thing I want you to do is do…to do what I did. When I was your age I did the same thing you did." Said Minegishi
"Are you talking about when you first….did all the things?" asked Mob. She knew that Minegishi had done things like this with more people than Shimazaki, boys and girls, but she had never thought about it. All the…things that happened. The steps. The kissing and touching. The things that she had done…that she had just….she couldn't even think of it.
"Say it." said Minegishi. Mob blushed and looked down. There was already a rip in her leggings. She poked it with her finger. She needed new leggings, or tights, or maybe just a skirt with long socks. She could have gone home and changed. That would have been a good idea, maybe, since in the time it took to go home and come back Minegishi might have forgotten what they had been talking about…yes…this was a good idea.
She looked up.
Their eyes met hers. She didn't know what that look meant, the one that they were giving her. If they had been born with eyebrows then they would have been furled…they must have been frustrated with her. Well of course they were, she had been taking a long time…a long time to say…she didn't know what they wanted her to say.
Not the word. Anything but the word.
"What do you mean? I don't…I don't know what you want me to say." said Mob. She didn't know what, exactly, they had meant. She knew what she thought that they had meant but she was clueless about things like this. Minegishi knew that. They weren't going to get mad at her for asking and…and Mob may have been wrong. What if she just came out and said that word and Minegishi wanted to hear something else?
"If you aren't mature enough to say it then you aren't mature enough to do it." Said Minegishi with a sigh. Mob knew what they wanted her to say and…and she had to say it. She was mature. She wasn't a kid anymore.
"Um…sex?" whispered Mob. There, she had said it. Now that she had said it and proved that she was mature she would never have to say it ever again.
"That's…a start. Yes, I was about your age, maybe a few months older, when I first slept with a guy. I was just as stupid as you were, too, and I'm incredibly lucky that I didn't end up pregnant. From that time, anyway. I didn't know what I was doing and neither did you….and I guess that's why I was yelling at you. It's not easy for me to watch you make all of my mistakes." Said Minegishi. Mistake…that was a good word for it. Mistake…she had made a mistake with Teru….and she knew that it was one that she could never take back. It was supposed to be special, right? The first time. It was supposed to be special and…and it was supposed to be good. To feel good. To feel like the very best thing ever.
She never should have done it in the first place.
One thing had led to another…and it was never going to go there ever again. There wasn't any point to it. The whole thing was slimy and awkward and weird. She didn't know why anyone would have even wanted to do it. Well to get a baby…but she didn't even know if she wanted one. She wanted a daughter but…but if she had a daughter then she would have made a whole new person and…and she didn't know if she wanted to be responsible for making a new human…a new person….
She didn't know about the future but she knew about the right now and now, right now, she knew that she was never going to make that mistake ever again.
"I made a mistake. I know I did and I'm never going to do it again, ever, with anyone." Said Mob
"Mob…don't say that. I felt that way too. It gets…I'm going to kick myself later for telling you this but it gets better. With practice…practice that I have no right to stop you from doing. Your body is your own and your life is your own. You can share your body with whoever you choose to. I don't have the right to tell you what to do with your body. Nobody does." Said Minegishi
"But I don't want to have…to have sex…with anyone else. It was weird and gross….and slimy." Said Mob
"It gets better. It might not get better with him but…but it will get better." Said Minegishi
"….it won't. I mean…not with Teru. I don't think that I'm ever going to see him again. He kicked me out." Said Mob. Minegishi's aura flared. They clenched their fists. The plant on their headboard started to grow. It grew spikes, big ones. Minegishi should have just told her what she had said. She didn't want to have to guess. She was clueless, she knew it, and she didn't know how to fix it…so she was just going to live with it. With who she was…and what she had done.
"Mob…can you tell me what happened, exactly?" asked Minegishi. The music stopped. The laptop fell to the ground. She tried to get up, she didn't trust her powers right now, but Minegishi held their hand out.
"I have to fix the lap top." Said Mob
"It's fine. I don't care about that. I care about you, now can you please tell me what happened? I promise that no matter what happened I won't be mad." Said Minegishi
"I…I don't want to talk about what happened. I mean…um…I can tell you about how we kissed but…but I don't want to tell you about what happened afterwards. It's just…kind of private." Said Mob
"No, no, no. Come on, Mob, think. Obviously I don't want details. I just want to know….did you want to? Did you want to or did this kid make you? If he made you I swear to God…" said Minegishi. Mob didn't have to ask what they were swearing to God about. She knew that they were thinking about things that they could do to Teru, terrible things. She didn't want them to do terrible things to Teru. He hadn't done anything wrong. He had just wanted to do all the things with her like she had said. She hadn't thought that he would do that…stab her with his…
She had thought that he would have just done the finger thing.
She had wanted to try the finger thing, when the boy touched you like you touched yourself. She hadn't thought that he would have done everything with her but…but that was what you did when you were in love. She had been in love with him. She had tried not to be, she had thought that she would never see him again, but she had. She had taken his heart and she'd given him hers. They had been in love and being in love…well being in love meant that you did the things the people in love did. That was why they called them lovers. She was lovers with someone…wow….but also….also not wow. They had been lovers, like in Minegishi's secret under their bed books, but they weren't ever going to do that again…she was never going to do that with anyone else again…
That was ok. It didn't really feel like anything anyway.
"You don't have to do anything bad to him. I just…I loved him. I loved him so much and I spent so long trying not to love him because I just…thought that we would never see each other again. But we did. We saw each other again and Teru…he's so close now. I thought that…I should have gone after Sho! I know that I should have just gone after Sho instead of going home with Teru but I was cold and tired and sad. I was cold and tired and sad and…and I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and….and I wanted to do all the things. If I left then…then I might never have been able to see him again…but I don't care anymore! It didn't feel good. It was all slimy and gross and…and he told me to leave, anyway. He told me that he didn't want to join Claw and then he kicked me out and…and I don't know….I just…." Said Mob. She could feel tears pickling at the corners of her eyes. She didn't need to cry about this. It was selfish to cry about this. She should have been crying about how Sho had been betrayed. How he was all alone and hurt and sad because of her. She should have gone after him….
She was so selfish….and there was nothing that she could do about it but cry.
"Mob…you're going to be ok. He's not but you're going to be." Said Minegishi as they put their arms around her. Mob rested her head on their chest. She could feel the front of their shirt getting wet with her tears…that wasn't nice. She was ruining their shirt. How would people know that they liked ramen if they didn't have their ramen shirt on? She was so selfish…she was so incredibly selfish….
"I'm selfish. I'm sorry. I just don't…I don't know how not to be selfish." Said Mob
"How in the hell are YOU the selfish one in this scenario, Mob?" asked Minegishi
"I…I didn't go with Sho. Instead of going after Sho when I knew he was upset I went with Teru because I liked him and…and Sho told me not to go with him. I know that when Sho doesn't want me to go with him then that's especially when I need to go with him. I just…he pushed me and-" said Mob
"Sho pushed you?" asked Minegishi. Their whole body got kind of stiff. Mob nodded as best as she could with how tight they were holding her now.
"He did…but it was my fault! I went after him and-" said Mob
"No! No it wasn't…just…don't ever say that. Your brother hitting you is NOT your fault." Said Minegishi
"Sho didn't-didn't hit me. He just pushed me." Said Mob
"I don't give a fuck what he did. Hit you, pushed you, pulled your hair…I don't care! He is too old to still be pulling this shit. He's twelve and you're nearly thirteen, you aren't little kids anymore and he needs to act like it. It wasn't ok when you two were little kids and it's not ok now." Said Minegishi
"I-I don't mind, I shouldn't have made him upset." Said Mob
"What are you even….no. That's just…no. That's not how that works. That's not how ANYTHING works." Said Minegishi
"Then-then how do things work? I'm very confused…I don't understand." Said Mob
"You know that it's wrong to hit people, right? Not unless you have a really damn good reason, right?" asked Minegishi
"I do…but Sho had a really good reason." said Mob. Minegishi rolled their eyes. She had no idea why. Sho really did have a good reason for pushing her. He had been upset with her. She had gone after him even though he'd told her to cover for him. She should have just listened instead of-of going after him. She should have just…she didn't know. She knew that if she had stayed and then dad figured out where he had gone off to then…then it would have been bad so…so….she didn't know! She just knew that she was the one who'd messed up here. Her and nobody else.
"Which was what, exactly?" asked Minegishi
"Teru kind of betrayed him, I think, because he lied about Sho's boyfriend coming. He did it to see me…and then I betrayed Sho by going with Teru so if Sho wants to push me again then that would be ok." Said Mob. Minegishi grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her away. They were eye to eye again. Minegishi had really pretty eyes. Maybe they would have been less mad if she said something…or something. Mob didn't know. She didn't even know why they were so mad at her so, of course, she'd have had no idea how to fix it.
"No, it wouldn't be. Nobody has the right to hit you or push you or-" said Minegishi
"My dad does because he's my dad. He hasn't hit me in a while but-" said Mob
"Next time he does then hit him back, you understand me? The next time someone hits you then you hit them right back." Said Minegishi
"Hitting is mean, Minegishi, and I don't know how I could ever do something so mean to someone." Said Mob. She hadn't ever hit anyone in her life that she could remember. She didn't see the point. If someone was upset enough to hit you then the last thing that you were supposed to do was hit them. That just made them more upset. Like with Sho and dad. Dad used to always hit Sho because Sho made him upset but Sho only made him upset because Dad had made Sho upset first.
"I don't give a fuck how mean it is! Nobody has the right to hit you or to make you do anything that you don't want to do! Do you understand me? Not your dad, not your brother, not anyone. You're the strongest, nearly the strongest, person I have ever met in my life. You don't have to take this from people, from anyone. If I was half as strong as you are when I was your age I…" said Minegishi. They let go of her now and closed their eyes. Mob rolled her shoulders. They were really strong.
They looked kind of small right now, all scrunched up, but they were strong.
"I would have….my life would have gone a lot differently. You know? When I was your age, Mob, a lot of things happened to me. Things that…that I was too weak to stop. Some of those things were from my own stupidity. Some of those things were just…other people's stupidity. I worry. I worry about you, you know? I worry that…that I won't always be there…and I'm not always there. Today I wasn't there and…and all of this shit happened to you." Said Minegishi
"I-I don't feel bad. I'm more worried about Sho. Nothing happened to me. I just got all slimy and my feelings got hurt, that's all. Sho's more important. He's all alone in the Castle. I should have gone with him. All of this is my fault." Said Mob. Minegishi opened their eyes and unscrunched their body.
"Nothing that happened is your fault. Your brother made his own choices. He chose to run off to see his boyfriend and he chose to run off to God knows where. You're what's important to me right now, not him. I know that you don't want to hear this but I don't give a fuck about your brother, where he went, or what he's doing. I'm worried about you. I have no idea what happened to you and…and I have no idea how to help you. I hate this feeling…I fucking hate this." said Minegishi. They whispered that last part. She didn't know how they could have said that they didn't care about Sho. Everyone cared about Sho. He was Sho and she loved him. Everyone loved him. She loved him…but she had let him go. She loved Minegishi too and…and she wasn't going to let them go. Not that they were leaving, not that it looked like they were leaving, but they still felt bad…just as bad as Sho felt when he had left.
She took their hand.
"Please don't feel bad, Minegishi, I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry and…and I don't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do…but whatever it is I'll do it. I just want to make you feel better." Said Mob
"No. There's nothing that you can do. Just…stop worrying about me. Stop worrying about your little brother. Stop worrying and just…you have enough to worry about. Something terrible happened to you but you're just…like this. Why can't you just worry about yourself? You got hurt and…and I don't know what to do." Said Minegishi
"I made a mistake but…but I didn't get hurt. Just my feelings. I don't know why you're so mad at me…or maybe you're just mad….I don't know but I'm not hurt." Said Mob
"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself. I couldn't keep you safe. You needed me and I wasn't there. Not only wasn't I there but…but I didn't warn you or prepare you or…or anything. I really fucked up." Said Minegishi
"I don't think that you did. I wouldn't have wanted you there anyway because I was naked and…stuff happened." Said Mob. Minegishi shook their head and laughed. Mob didn't see what was so funny. Minegishi wouldn't have laughed if they had been in the room when it happened. It would have been so embarrassing and gross. She had walked in on Minegishi and Shimazaki before, when she had been little, and it had been embarrassing enough. She didn't even want to think about what it would have been like to be the one being walked in on.
"I don't mean physically there. I meant…I didn't warn you about how people could be. This guy kicked you out, yeah? He finished up and he kicked you right out. I should have warned you that people could be like that sometimes. Sometimes you can love a person, share yourself with them, and then they can kick you to the curb without a single thought. It hurts, I know it hurts, and it's going to keep on hurting for a while." Said Minegishi
"It…kind of does hurt…but I shouldn't worry about that. I have to worry about Sho. He's more important. Besides, it's not like I'm ever going to see Teru again. I don't want to run away with him and he doesn't want to join Claw…so it doesn't matter how much it hurts. It doesn't matter how much my heart hurts and my stomach hurts when I think about him. It's not going to happen and I should just worry about the things that matter." said Mob
"That's…a hell of a lot more mature than I was at your age." Said Minegishi
"See? I am mature." Said Mob. She didn't see what was so mature about the way she felt. She was just good at making her feelings go away. Dad had taught her, well he had tried to teach her, how to control her feelings and her powers for her entire life. The feelings were there, they wouldn't go away until she drank or smoked or a lot of time had passed, but she could see the big picture. Like dad had told her to. Sho needed her. How could she possibly even begin to think about her own feelings when her little brother needed her?
"But you shouldn't be. If you want to cry then cry. This kid doesn't seem like he's worth crying over but don't let that stop you. Something terrible happened to you, something that I should have warned you about. So if you need to cry then you can cry and if you need to scream them you can scream and if you need to break things then we'll go to another room and you can break things. Whatever you need to do we can do." Said Minegishi. Mob wiped her eyes. She'd already been crying on and off. She didn't want to scream, if she screamed then people would have heard and then they would have asked questions…questions that she didn't want to answer. She didn't want to break things either. That was just mean.
She didn't know what she wanted to do.
Go and find Sho, maybe, even though he had pushed her. She didn't see what was so bad about that. Sure it hurt her feelings but if Sho was hurt enough to push her down and stuff then it was ok. Sho mattered, he was the little brother, and she was the big sister. It was her job to look after him. It was her job to take care of him. She needed to stop putting herself first all the time. Like with Teru. No wonder it had been so awkward and awful and weird. She had abandoned Sho for someone who betrayed him. She had loved…she had thought that she loved Teru…but now she wasn't so sure. It didn't matter how she felt. Sho needed her. She needed to stop thinking about herself and what she wanted…what she had thought that she wanted…what she had thought that she might have wanted.
Sho mattered more than she did. Everyone else mattered more than she did.
"I want to find my little brother and tell him that I'm sorry for making him push. I was selfish. I went with someone who betrayed him. I should have just gone after him. That's why it was so awful, because I betrayed Sho." said Mob. Minegishi flicked her over the head. It didn't hurt that much.
"Stop with this finding your little brother thing. He's in Sendai, you know where he is. Fukuda's going after him. Let Fukuda handle this. You have enough happening right now." Said Minegishi
"I'll never have so much happening that I don't have enough time or…or whatever for Sho." said Mob
"He doesn't want you there and I don't want you getting hurt again. I don't want him to push you again or worse. I can at least protect you from that." Said Minegishi
"Bu you don't have to protect me. I can protect myself. I can put up a barrier if I need to." Said Mob
"I didn't mean that kind of protection. I just meant….I need to look out for you. Nobody else is. I'm the only one looking out for you and I've been doing a piss poor job of it. You could be pregnant, you could be sick-" said Minegishi
"It's not that cold out. I'm not sick." Said Mob
"Not that kind of sick. When you do what you did, when you have unprotected sex, then you can get really sick with a lot of different things. There are things that are curable, things that you have to live with for the rest of your life, things that can make it difficult to have kids when you're actually ready to do so, things that can kill you…there are a lot of things that I didn't warn you about. I thought that you were too young, I thought that I had more time, I thought….I thought a lot of things. I was an idiot. I'm sorry." said Minegishi. Mob nodded…she nodded and kept her powers under control. She didn't know that she could get sick from having sex….she didn't feel sick…but she could have been sick and then all of those bad things could happen to her. Well Fukuda could fix anything…but she would rather have died than have Fukuda fix things like that. She would rather have walked out into the snow and died…she was thinking about herself again. Minegishi was sad, their aura was sad, and they had called themselves an idiot. They weren't an idiot and no friend of hers was going to think about themselves like that.
"You're not an idiot. I'm the one who made a mistake. If I get sick then…then I'll just die. If I die then it's my fault for making that mistake. I did a bad thing and whatever happens is my fault." Said Mob
"I already told you that….ok. Sex in and of its self isn't a good thing or a bad thing. It's just a thing. Your body doesn't belong to anyone else but you. That means that nobody can touch you if you don't want them to. That included hitting and pushing…and sex. You can share your body with whoever you choose to share it with, I would never shame you for that. What upsets me is the fact that I didn't warn you. You did something that you thought would feel good with a boy you liked. I didn't prepare you at all for…well for anything. Not the emotional reality of it, sharing yourself with someone, and the pain that can come when the person you're sharing yourself with just…throws you away. I didn't prepare you for the physical reality of it, either. All the things you need to worry about, to be responsible for. How you need to be careful so you don't get sick or pregnant….I really fucked up." Said Minegishi. They pulled their shirt up over their face and wiped their eyes. Mob pulled her sleeve down over her hand and took over. She pushed their hand away.
They let her.
"It's ok, Minegishi." Said Mob as she wiped their tears away. There were a lot of them.
"No, no it's not. Just…stop it. I should be the one comforting you. I know how much this hurts. I should be the one who's drying your tears." Said Minegishi
"You already did, before." Said Mob
"Yeah…I guess I did…but still. This isn't your job. I am not your responsibility here. You're mine. I didn't ask for this but…but you're my responsibility. So that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to be responsible. I'm going to take you to a clinic and then you're going to get tested and then I'll teach you everything that I know and then…and then that's what I'm going to do." Said Minegishi
"What's a clinic?" asked Mob
"Sort of like a doctor's office. They're going to take your blood, swab your mouth, and your vagina too. It's not fun, it's not pleasant, but it's something that everyone has to go through." Said Minegishi. Mob crossed her legs. She had never been to a doctor before, she had never needed to, but she had seen it on TV. She knew that they used needles to get blood out…she could maybe handle that…but she didn't want anyone poking around at her…she didn't want anyone looking there.
"Do I have to?" asked Mob
"You do, it's nonnegotiable. I'll be there with you the whole time, ok?" said Minegishi
"But….you said that my body was my own and I could do whatever I wanted with it." Said Mob. Minegishi leaned back and banged their head against the wall. Mob only let them do it once, by the second time she realized what they were doing and they used their powers to put a pillow behind their head.
"Mob, move the pillow." Said Minegishi
"No, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself. I love you." Said Mob
"Yeah, I love you too but you are giving me the mother of all headaches right now." Said Minegishi
"No, you're giving yourself a headache by hitting your head on the wall." Said Mob
"It's my head and I'll do what I want with it." Said Minegishi. That didn't make any sense at all. Mob knew that it was their head and that they could do what they wanted with it but she also knew that she couldn't just sit there and watch her friend hurt themselves. If they could hurt themselves then she could say no to going to the doctor…not that she wanted them to hurt themselves…but also she didn't see why she had to go to the doctor when she could just wait and see if she even was sick…and if she was then she could just die. Then nobody would have to look at her naked.
"Well then it's my body and I don't want to go to the doctor." Said Mob
"I told you that it's nonnegotiable." said Minegishi
"You also told me that my body was my own." said Mob
"Not if you're going to be stupid with it. You could be sick, Mob, and it's not the kind of thing that clears up on it's own. Believe me, I know. So unless you want Fukuda to know about this-" said Minegishi
"No way!" shouted Mob
"Then you're coming with me, tomorrow, to the clinic." Said Minegishi
"But…ok…but only if you stop hitting your head on the wall." Said Mob. Minegishi leaned forward and stopped moving. Mob waited a few seconds to make sure that they were done before she put their pillow back where it was.
"So we're decided then?" asked Minegishi
"Yes….but I don't want to go…and I don't get it. If my life is my own and m body is my own then why do I have to go to the doctor if I don't want to? I don't want to be naked and touched and…and I don't want to go, ok?" asked Mob
"You have to go, Mob. Your body is your own but you have to take care of it. That means getting tested. That's one of the responsibilities that comes with having sex. If you have sex then you need to get tested every few months. I have to do it and so do most people, responsible people." Said Minegishi
"But…then how is my body my own if I have to do things that I don't want to do?" asked Mob
"It's complicated in a lot of ways…but easy to understand in others. You have to take care of yourself but…actually it's really fucking…ok. Nobody has the right to touch you or hit you or anything else if you don't want them to but you're only twelve. You're twelve and I'm twenty nine. I'm the adult here and it's my job to keep you safe and healthy, and that means that I have to do the responsible thing here. It's not pleasant, I'm warning you now, but I'll be with you the whole time, ok? Aside from going to the clinic when I take you your body is your own. So…share it with whoever you want to share it with, I guess, but be safe…and don't share it with anyone you don't want to share it with…and don't let your brother hit you. That's not right." Said Minegishi
"…he pushed me." Said Mob
"I don't care about the specifics, ok?" said Minegishi
"…ok….I guess…" said Mob as she drew her knees up to her chest. She didn't want to go to the doctor. She didn't want to be responsible. She wished that's he had never done anything. She wished that she could have been little again or that she could have turned back time or-or something. She didn't know what she was even supposed to do now. With all of her feelings or…or with what was happening. Share her body…that was a good way to put it. She had shared herself with Teru but then he had kicked her out. Just because he didn't want to join Claw…he didn't want to be with her. They had done all the things, he had been inside of her body, she had shared herself with him and then…and then he just kicked her out. He hadn't wanted to be with her…he had told her to leave….
"Mob, what's going on? Talk to me. What's happening in that head of yours." Said Minegishi
"I…I was just thinking about what you said. About how I shared myself with Teru. He…he doesn't want to be with me. He told me to leave. He didn't want to be with me and…and it hurts. He was inside of me and I was inside of me and then…and then he was outside of me and inside of me was all slimy…and now I'm over here and he's over there…and stuff." Said Mob. Minegishi brushed her bangs out of her eyes.
"Look at me." Said Minegishi. Mob did as they asked.
"I'm looking." Said Mob
"These things happen. Guys, girls too, people in general…they can be assholes. Some people are only after one thing and that's perfectly fine so long as they make that perfectly clear. If you just want to have sex with someone then that's fine so long as he knows you just want to have sex. Everyone needs to make everything perfectly clear at the beginning…and he didn't, so that's on him." said Minegishi
"I…I thought he liked me…but he just wanted to have sex with me?" asked Mob
"Probably. I know it hurts and I know that it's going to hurt for a while…but that's ok. One day you'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore. I promise." Said Minegishi
"Which day? How long?" asked Mob
"It varies. Break ups…and things like this, they take time…but that's ok. I'm here for you. If you want to cry then we'll cry, if you want to scream we'll scream, if you want to get high and watch bad TV then we'll get high and if you want to chop off all of your hair and dye it blue or whatever then we can do that. Whatever you want, Mob, whatever you want." Said Minegishi. Mob reached up and felt her braids. Chop them off...they had always been there. She had spent her entire life in braids and…and she didn't want to chop them off. She wanted…she looked up at Minegishi. They had such nice hair…purple was a good color…but it was theirs. Blue was nice but…but she would have looked even more different from her family than she already did. They all had red hair, well mom's hair had been brown, but she was gone.
Mob was still here….and she had never wanted brown hair.
She had always wanted red hair and…and her body was her own. She could have red hair now. Sort of like…like how people could say 'out with the old and in with the new'. The old Mob….the one who had existed before…the one who had shared herself with Teru had black hair…but now…her body was her own…and she could do whatever she wanted like…like have sex or…or change….
Or have red hair.
"Red….I want red hair." Said Mob. Minegishi brushed her braids behind her back. She didn't want her braids gone. They had always been there. She didn't know how to be Mob without her braids. Her hair had always been black, too, but….but Suzuki's had red hair. They had red hair and…and she could have red hair. She could have red hair and still be…still be herself…but a different version of herself. A version of herself that wasn't the one that she was right now. The one that had made all of….all of her mistakes.
"I can try." Said Minegishi. She knew that Minegishi knew what they were doing. She didn't know what would happen later. Dad was going to come home eventually and when he did…well he had told her not to ever dye her hair. He had told her that she wasn't allowed…but she had been a kid back then. She wasn't a kid anymore. She had shared her body with someone…she'd done all the things. Her body was her own and…and she could do what she wanted with it….
And what she wanted was red hair.