Disclaimer:
Azren: Sigh! Right! I'll pay anyone who'd like to say the disclaimer right now!
Deathcard: Ooooooohh…. REALLY? How much?
Azren: 25…
Deathcard: SWEET! Azren doesn't own Samurai 7 but she wish she does… And she wishes to own Kyuzo!
Azren: Thanks! (Gives Deathcard the 25…)
Deathcard: HEY! WHAT'S THIS? 25 cents!
Azren: I didn't say cash, now did I?
Deathcard: Grrr…
Author's Note: Hello minna! If you're a reviewer…. And you like humor even if it's the point where your favorite samurai is being tackled and beaten up… Then you may proceed… But if otherwise… The back button is just above… Seriously…. From this point on… Some samurais will be beaten up by characters from other animes, UFO's will abduct them, and chew toys will definitely reign… I caution all the Katsushiro lovers… If you take all of these cartoon violence seriously… Then DON'T and I repeat DON'T read this chapter! Besides, he lived to tell the tale! THINK WHAT I'M DOING TO KYUZO!
Azren: Let's welcome our next victim… Eerr… I mean samurai! Our next SAMURAI…. Okamoto Katsushiro….
Katsushiro: blushing Errr… Hi….
Azren: Good day to you, Katsu! (Self-control, Azren! Must… decapitate… Spongebob… after… interview!) How are you? eyes glinting EVILY
Katsushiro: Eeermm… Fine… feels a little uncomfortable
Azren: Good to hear that! If you have any problems, just feel free to let them out here, so that I can add more problems! (Physically!)
Katsushiro: Pardon? I didn't get what you just said… Did you just said that you'll… A little scared
Azren: I said that I will add the pain… I MEAN LESSEN your pain here!
Katsushiro: trembling
Azren: Okay! So how's Kilara?
Katsushiro: Steam coming out of his… Nose… (Since I's already Kikuchiyo's trade mark of steam coming out of his ears…)
She's fine…
Azren: You left her in the end… In a serious voice…
Katsu: I needed to… Well I…
Azren: Oh, I was kidding you, Katsu! Okay time to get serious!
Katsu: sigh
Azren: hair covering her eyes and negative energy filled the room that you can feel a gigantic comet hit Katsu anytime now… You… Killed… Kyuzo…. (His doppelganger to be specific)
Katsu: WHAT? NO! I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I DIDN'T SEE… Sweating a lot
Azren: I was also kidding! Ha! Ha! Ha! No really! Let's get started before I talk about threats, death, and mass executions!
Katsu: Feels uneasier than ever
Azren: So Katsu? Can you tell us what was you life before you met Kilara and Kanbei?
Katsu: Well… I was born in blahblahblahblahblahblah! But I grew up in Yaddayaddayaddayadda, and so when I became a spatula, I decided to gibberishgibberishgibberish…
Azren: (Yawn! Boy! I wish he'd stop talking now! And did I just hear him call himself a spatula? Well, he does look like one!)
Katsu: Hollywannacrackerhollywannacracker…and… TOOTHBRUSH!
Azren: What? What was that?
Katsu: I met Kilara, Komachi and Rikichi!
Azren: Oh… I thought you said toothbrush!
Katsu: Huh?
Azren: Nevermind! So… What are you planning after this interview? (How boring can one get?)
Katsu: Well, I was planning to go…
Voice: You! It's HIM! HE TOOK LIRIN-SAMA!
Katsu: Eh?
Director: Hey! Isn't that…
Azren: Yaone! Dokugaku! What a surprise!
Yaone: points accusingly at Katsu YOU TOOK LADY LIRIN!
Katsu: What? Who's Lirin?
Dokugakuji: Enough, you ruffian! DIE!
Katsu gets beaten up by Yaone and Dokugaku…
Katsu: … Ouch…
Azren: KATSU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! … I mean… I'm glad that you're still alive!
Yaone: Thanks, Azren-san! If you didn't tell us that a green-haired and green-eyed guy took Lirin away, we could never have beaten up this freak…
Dokugakuji: Yeah… Even if it wasn't him… It was fun! I don't know why, but it was fun!
Azren: Oh you're welcome! (But I meant the guy named Zakuro… Does he even have green hair? The one that lived under a rock?)
Yaone and Dokugaku: BYE, AZREN-SAN!
Azren: Bye! Turns to Katsu You okay boy?
Katsu: Yeah…Please… Con-
Suddnely, a gigantic boulder crushed him…
Voice: Oneeeee-chan!
Director: Errmmm…. Isn't that….
Azren: Lirin?
Lirin: AI! I'm looking for my Oni-chan! Have you seen him anywhere?
Azren: Koigaiji's not here…. You're crushing a samurai right now….
Lirin: Okay! I'll just leave the boulder here! I've got to find my Oni-chan now! Ja ne!
Azren: Ouch… Lawyers will not sue me…. CALL THE MEDICS IN! AND THE CUNSTRUCTION WORKERS!
Girl: Hello Azren!
Azren: Hey! It's Rueniss! You're late!
Rueniss: Yeah… I KNOW! So who're you interviewing right now?
Azren: Katsu… (poor, poor Katsu…)
Rueniss: Okay! I think I saw Kyuzo around here…
Azren: SERIOUSLY?
Rueniss: Yeah! (heart shaped eyes) He looks HOT! RED! BLACK! YELLOW! GRAY! AWWWW! I'm wearing that color at the prom! (Fantasizing)
Anyway, I'll talk to Kyuzo!
Azren: Okay! Well, minna! Due to some TECHNICAL DAMAGES… (not only technical but SKELETAL and CEREBRAL damages as well) We will just have a short break!
Katsu: MY FANS! I'm ALIVE!
Azren: Very nice, Katsu. Lie down before 'ya hurt yourself…
Author's Note: WELL? WELL? HATE IT? LOVE IT? I KNOW! It was cruel and brutal… But I feel sad for Kyuzo's unfortunate stuntman! C'mon! Lighten up! See! I'm a nice person! He lived! In my notebook… It's a sad world… But he still lived…How can Samurai 7 be complete without the indispensable Katsu anyway? It's only a fanfic! It's not like I'm killing anyone! (actually… I'm just trying) Next up… Kyuzo! WAAAHH! KYUZO! This one will be very disturbing… From now on you'll have nightmares about ducks! WAHAHAHAHAHA! (I'm a bad liar, aren't I?) Gomen for the Katsu fans….
Oh yeah! Before I forget, Rueniss is the second host! Be nice to her okay! R&R!
Deathcard: Lol this is what happens if you let a crazy, sadistic teenager interview the Sam7 cast… Sheer torture occurs… Look what she did to Spongebob!