Even after thirty two years Suzuki Touichirou was still the undisputed master of the non-sequitur.

'Come over. Now.'

It took Fukuda's eyes a moment to adjust in the darkness. He had been sleeping, well trying to, when his phone chimed to life. With this. Normally he would have put it on silent but nothing about this was normal. No, even before Suzuki demanded his presence at midnight nothing about this had been normal. Sho was off on the other side of the world, meeting Santa Claus, and Fukuda had been left behind. They had all gone off to Finland or Scandinavia or whatever without him. Not that he wanted to go with them, if not for Sho he would have been content to stay here in all of the weirdness, but he did want to put some distance between him and Suzuki.

For obvious reasons.

Fukuda say up. The cat jumped out of bed and ran out the door. He didn't blame it. Nothing good ever came from Suzuki summoning him out of the blue like this. It could have been an attempt on his life or an attempt on the HQ…or it could have been nothing at all. Maybe he'd just thrown out his back again or stepped on a lego or something. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe he had nothing to fear. Maybe that…thing…that had passed between them all those weeks ago was a distant and embarrassing memory for Suzuki. Maybe he'd come to his senses. Maybe….

There was no point in all of these maybes.

'Right now.' Flashed across his screen. Well then. This was…most likely not nothing. There had been no point to speculating. Whatever it was Suzuki needed him and Suzuki was the boss here. He was the President after all. Always had been. Fukuda had just been the idiot that went along with whatever insanity he had planned. No matter what it was he would always be there by Suzuki's side. For the whole of eternity they would be best friends no matter what.

And there had been a lot of 'what' lately.

Their separation had been a blessing compared to the latest 'what' Suzuki had thrown at him. Himself. Suzuki had thrown himself at him. What had followed were several blissful and hardly broken weeks of near total separation. Even when they were together, in those rare times, they were never alone. Hatori was in his orbit almost all the time now, if not him then Shigeko, and always Mukai as well. Where Mukai went her mother went, a bit like how where Shigeko went Serizawa went. Even Serizawa was in the President's orbit these days. Why Suzuki tolerated all of these people Fukuda would never know. Suzuki had never been a social creature. Even when they had been kids he'd always complained about how Fukuda was always near him….maybe he should have listened to those complaints.

Nothing that he could do about it now.

Since he didn't have the power to change history he was left with no choice but to change his clothes and head about. A t-shirt and pants replaced his pajamas, a coat went over that, shoes on his feet, and a generous layer of cat hair went over everything before he was ready to face whatever the hell Suzuki had planned for him. The fact that Suzuki was summoning him out in the middle of the night, literally at midnight, was not lost on him. He had said, once, when they had been younger that the best time to make love to someone was in the middle of the night. It was just more efficient since you were already in bed. You just had to pull your clothes back on, lay down, and go to sleep. A perfect end to the day. Masami had always hated that. She had said that it made her feel more like a sleep aid than a human being, or like a call girl. Fukuda hadn't been about to argue with her about that, in fact the last thing he had wanted to talk about after they had sex was her having sex with her husband, even though there was no way in hell Suzuki thought of her as a call girl. Suzuki had never liked the idea of paying for it even when they had been desperate kids. No, he his pride just wouldn't allow it. He had said, before, that he would rather have spent his life celibate than paid for it.

There was no point in it, he had said.

What was the point if the woman didn't come willingly? That was what he had said. He made the whole thing sound so much worse than it was. For someone who prided himself on being calm and always in control he sure did fly off the handle at the most ridiculous things. Fukuda remembered that night. He'd come home late, this was back when they were living in that six tatami apartment together, and he'd woken Suzuki up with his entrance. He'd apologized but Suzuki hadn't cared, he'd just wanted to know where Fukuda had been. Almost as if he had been worried, at the time Fukuda had thought so, but he knew better now. Suzuki just didn't like it when things got out of control…even though he so easily lost control. Fukuda had told him exactly where he'd been and Suzuki…well nobody had died.

He had spent the entire night lecturing Fukuda.

It was pointless if the woman didn't want you. It was a waste of money, especially when every single yen they had needed to go to Claw. It was a waste of time, they had school in the morning and coursework to finish. It was degrading, somehow to himself, since he was pretty much admitting that the only way he could get a woman to touch him was by paying her. Suzuki had just been projecting, he had figured at the time, because he hadn't been very successful when it came to girls at that point in their lives. Now…well recent events and confessions made him reevaluate certain moments in their past….he could almost have sworn that Suzuki had been jealous now that he thought about it.

He stopped thinking about it.

He thought about how ungodly cold it was out here tonight. Poor Sho, and Mukai too. It had to have been colder where they were. Not exactly the North Pole but close enough. He would have gone with them if he could, he didn't care who he had to share the trip with. He didn't care if he got stuck bunking with Hatori and had to chase the monsters out from under his bed, read him a bedtime story, and plug in his nightlight. He didn't care if he had to share a wall with Shimazaki and listen to him and Minegishi either fight, fuck, or both all night. He didn't care if he had to deal with Shibata's incessant burnt cooking or Shigeko's general Shigeko-ness. Hell, he would have spent the whole time playing videogames in the dark with Serizawa if it meant that he didn't have to do…what he got the feeling he was going to have to do.

He prayed that he was wrong.

He prayed for a lot of things, actually. He prayed that Suzuki called and told him that he was banished. He prayed that he tripped over his own feet and hit his head hard enough to give him amnesia. He prayed that Suzuki had called him over to tell him that he knew about the affair and that his day of reckogning had come. Hell, he would have taken a Godzilla vs. Whoever fight…Mechagodzilla would have done the most damage but Space Godzilla would have kept Suzuki's attention better, instead of having to go and…deal with whatever this was.

Not being a very good whatever the hell he was supposed to be his prayers went unanswered as usual.

As did the front door. Fukuda had knocked to be polite. Maybe he was looking for an out, even a stupid one, like he could have said that he tried and since nobody came to the door he went home and went back to sleep. There were no outs, of course, just a chime from his pocket. He fished his phone out and sighed. Nothing ever went his way, now did it?

'Not locked is door.' Was written across the screen. Maybe he was having a stroke! Fukuda knew that he wouldn't be so lucky but that didn't stop him for holding onto the slimmest hope that Suzuki's diet of omelets cooked in butter, filled with cheese, and topped with ketchup had finally caught up with him. He held onto that hope like he held onto the door as he entered the darkened house, like a man clung to the first piece of debris he could find in a shipwreck. This was…this was something that was happening, something that was completely out of his control. He was…he was going to do this…but he had no idea what 'this' even was. It could have been nothing.

It wasn't nothing.

The house was easier to manage without the boxes upon boxes of the kids' stuff lining every single wall. The boxes had been stacked nearly to the ceiling in some places, a fire hazard and a death trap, though there was no way in hell a fire of all things could take Suzuki out. He knew, they'd been in a hell of a lot of fires back when they'd been young and stupid and had access with fireworks. Suzuki could get hurt but even without Fukuda's assistance he could live through a lot….and Fukuda didn't have it in him to kill Suzuki or anyone. Suzuki had said, before, that it was easy. Like crushing an insect. Well Fukuda wasn't Suzuki, he actually had a sense of right and wrong, and even with all of…whatever Suzuki had planned….he knew that killing him would have been…just something that he wasn't capable of. Fukuda wasn't capable of murder….

Though it had surprised him, over the years, just how much he was capable of.

'Walk faster.' Came after the chime this time. Well he was back to coherency. There went what remained of his hopes and dreams….though maybe something was legitimately wrong with Suzuki. Right now, not in general. He could see and feel Suzuki's aura. It surrounded him but not painfully. Like what walking through soup must have felt like. Like treading water but…easier? More pliant, lighter, than water….but everywhere. Suzuki's aura showed when he was particularly pissed off….well when he was particularly anything, actually. He didn't have to be pissed off. He could have been sad or happy or-

-drunk.

"You're drunk." Said Fukuda. That was all he trusted himself to say as he opened the doors. Anything else and the rest could have come up. How he really felt. Suzuki, at the best of times, would not have been able to handle it. He would have beaten Fukuda up if not killed him. Those were the best of times. Suzuki was at least predictable, mostly, at the best of times. Drunk Suzuki was in no way, shape, or form predictable. He had to tread lightly here, physically and emotionally. He stepped carefully into the room, as carefully as he could anyway. The last thing he wanted to do was get picked up and stuck in Suzuki's orbit.

His literal orbit.

If this room hadn't been so barren everything that wasn't nailed down would have been orbiting him. But no, without the debris and general accumulated junk of a bedroom he could clearly see the energy orbiting Suzuki. Like he had his own gravitational pull. He could feel himself getting pulled, gently tugged into it. That was…rare…for Suzuki. Usually when he got like this he pulled Fukuda close and demanded his attention but now…now he just sat there in the middle of his bed with his phone in one hand a bottle of….cotton candy vodka…in the other.

That he was voluntarily drinking.

"You…uh…you doing alright there, Suzuki?" asked Fukuda. Suzuki passed him the liquor bottle.

"Put that in the hallway and close the door." Said Suzuki

"Sure but…why?" asked Fukuda

"Because it's made of glass." Said Suzuki by way of explanation. Fukuda did what was asked of him. He must not have been that far gone if he recognized the danger to himself that having loose glass around posed. He'd emptied out his bedroom of everything but the bed, it seemed, that was what all the clutter at the end of the hall near the laundry room was. This was…Fukuda reminded himself that he had no idea what this was. It was something that was happening but…but this was Suzuki. He knew Suzuki…right? There was no way in hell he was even thinking about…well he thought about it but…but it wasn't like this was his attempt at making a move….right?

Right?

"There. Did you call me all the way over here for this? Can I go now?" asked Fukuda. He wouldn't have put something so stupid past drunk Suzuki. Sober Suzuki tried his best to be as logical as possible, to be as efficient as possible, but drunk Suzuki….drunk Suzuki was his own man entirely. Fukuda crosses his fingers….but Suzuki just shook his head and scooted to the end of the bed. The springs groaned as Suzuki moved….and again when he patted the left side of the bed…the room he'd made…

Oh God…..

"Sit." Said Suzuki

"I'd prefer to stand if you don't mind." Said Fukuda

"No, sit." Said Suzuki. Fukuda sighed and did as he was told. He did his best to keep his aura calm and level. Maybe this was just Suzuki being weird. He always got weird when he got drunk. Like that time in university when he'd insisted that he and Fukuda switch clothes over and over again…for whatever reason. Suzuki was weird at the best of times and when he was drunk…well trying to predict him was impossible so the best he could do was to…to do as he was told.

This was the smallest queen sized bed he had ever sat on.

"I'm sitting, what is it?" asked Fukuda

"I…have been thinking." Said Suzuki

"About?" asked Fukuda with a gulp. Suzuki was always thinking. It was when he shared what was going on in that insane head of his that he needed to worry. Maybe it was just…well it was the end of the year and Shigeko had, as usual, done her best to drain their coffers as quickly as she could. Yes. Maybe this was just about her and how Suzuki had completely ruined her so she, in turn, was going to ruin Claw. That was…he could deal with that, another long drunken Suzuki lecture/rant.

"Myself." Said Suzuki

"Well that makes sense. It's the last quarter after all. Time to see how far in the red we are. You know what? How about I help you. We could do that thing we used to do where you tried to beat the computer-" said Fukuda

"No. Not now. I never won, anyway, I'm a human being." Said Suzuki

"Come on, you're more than human. You're Suzuki Touichirou." Said Fukuda. That…hadn't been the thing to say. Suzuki was looking right at him, now, and his eyes…he actually had a look in his eyes and Fukuda didn't like it one bit. He'd been looked at like that before…by women. The gender he preferred. The gender that Suzuki had sworn up and down that he preferred since they had been kids. Suzuki…he wasn't supposed to look at Fukuda like that…or like anything!

"You…you always know just what to say." Said Suzuki

"No, I don't." said Fukuda

"You do. You always know just what to say and you always know just what I mean….nobody has ever been able to understand me before. I like that." Said Suzuki

"I…thank you?" asked Fukuda

"I feel strange when you speak to me and have for some time now. Upon further introspection when you speak to me I feel a great attraction to you. Romantic and sexual. However I do not know which is greater. I need to find out." Said Suzuki

"I….you know what? I just remembered that I forgot to look over those QED reports and it's getting close to the end of the fiscal year so-" said Fukuda

"You can work later. This is more important." Said Suzuki

"More important than Claw?" asked Fukuda. Who was this person and what had he done with Suzuki Touichirou. He must have been drunker than Fukuda had thought…maybe even drunk enough that he would ask Fukuda to sober him up.

"Yes." said Suzuki without even a moment of thought.

"But…come on, it's Claw. It's your, our, life's work. What could be more important?" asked Fukuda

"My own wellbeing. I…am not the man I used to be, and I don't like it. I used to be so sure of myself, no matter what situation I found myself in. I always knew what to do and how to do it. It had always felt like an inevitability, me conquering the world, but now…with all of this uncertainty I don't know….so I just have to get rid of the uncertainty in my life." Said Suzuki

"How, exactly, do you plan on doing that?" asked Fukuda

"By having penetrative sex with you." Said Suzuki. It felt like a non-sequitur but it wasn't. It hadn't come out of nowhere but in fact had been an extension of the conversation that they'd been having. Fukuda knew this in his mind but, emotionally, it felt like Suzuki had just decked him. Hit him right across the face, on the head, knocked him flat on his ass. This was….he had been expecting this, some kind of proposition, but not at the level of…why did he have to say 'penetrative sex' like that?! Now there was no ambiguity…no playing dumb…nothing that he could do to get out of this…but he had to get out of this…he had to get out of this right fucking now!

"I slept with your wife!" shouted Fukuda. He was going to die. He didn't care, if it was a choice between death and having sex with Suzuki he would take death every time. He closed his eyes and waited…and waited…and waited. He waited until he couldn't wait anymore. He didn't feel Suzuki's aura and he wasn't saying anything…shock?

Fukuda opened his eyes.

"What?" asked Suzuki as calm as ever. He had been calm, dry even, throughout this whole thing. His aura hadn't so much as flared once. Fukuda opened his eyes…and met Suzuki's. He had been staring the whole time, most likely. His eyes were focused, his aura was focused, but he wasn't angry or murderous or…or anything.

He was completely blank.

"Masami, I slept with her. We were lovers, I loved her and she loved me and we had sex on your bed in your house whenever you were away." said Fukuda. Suzuki didn't even blink. He was…shock? Fukuda hoped that it was shock. At any moment Suzuki would explode and kill them both. Then all of this madness would be over. Then he could finally rest. This wasn't how he had had pictured it ending….it could have been worse. They could have had sex.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Said Suzuki

"I made love to your wife! Numerous times! In your bed! For the love of…am I speaking Japanese?! I. Slept. With. Masami." Said Fukuda. He grabbed Suzuki by the front of his T-shirt and shook him. Suzuki just let himself be shook. Fukuda let go of him….nothing. Nothing at all.

"….you've been spending time with Hatori, haven't you?" asked Suzuki

"What?" asked Fukuda. Now he was the one in shock. How…how drunk was Suzuki right now? Didn't he get it?! Fukuda had fucked his wife! No, no, that word…that wasn't what he and Masami had been doing. They had made love, they had been in love, and….and that was worse. Suzuki had to know. Suzuki had to know and….and for once in his life he wanted Suzuki to have a meltdown, an explosion, or-o anything!

"He's been on about that lately. Shouting at God knows who that he's performed various sexual acts up to and including penetration with people's various female relatives. He laughs, too, when he says it. I don't understand it but I've been very good at understanding most people's humor. I'm also very drunk right now." Said Suzuki

"You….you don't believe me?" asked Fukuda

"Of course I don't believe you, Tadashi, I know you. I know you and I know Masami and even if she had been willing you would not have touched her. You're too loyal for that. You've always been so loyal to me…I trust you, not as much as I used to but I trust you, and I have only trusted three other people in my life. Two of them have been lovers and one is Shigeko. You're the first man I've ever trusted in my life…and that makes me feel like…I don't know. I don't know my emotions and I don't want to know them….but I have to know them. If I am ever going to return to certainy then I have to know my emotions." Said Suzuki

"You actually trust me that much?" asked Fukuda

"Of course I do." Said Suzuki. Fukuda felt like he had been kicked in the stomach and he had no idea why. Maybe because there was no way he was getting out of this, now, or maybe because Suzuki had trusted him….even after confessing Suzuki didn't believe him. He thought so highly of him and….this wasn't….Suzuki wasn't making any sense. Of course not.

"You're drunk." Said Fukuda. There. The truth. More of the truth. Suzuki swayed in place. There was no way in hell he was going to argue…right?

"I am well aware of that fact. Now take off every article of clothing that you're wearing. We're going to have sex now." Said Suzuki. Fukuda wished that he'd argued. He wished that it had been like in university where they'd argue over who was drunk. It was always Suzuki. Fukuda couldn't get drunk, not easily, and not for long. He thought about sobering Suzuki up but…but what if he wanted to do this sober? At least if he was drunk then he could just say he blacked out or…or hadn't been himself. He could have just said…why did he get to be the one who got to say things?! What about Fukuda's say!? Why didn't he…Suzuki didn't just get to declare these things anymore!

"You…you can't just say that! You can't just tell me to-to bend over so you can fuck me!" said Fukuda

"Yes I can, as you have said before I'm Suzuki Touichirou…but I have no interest in penetrating you." Said Suzuki

"But you just said-" said Fukuda

"You're going to penetrate me." Said Suzuki. Time stopped.

"What the….what?!" asked Fukuda. He could hear his pulse in his ears. Time had stopped. He couldn't move. He could barely speak. That was…he was losing his mind. That was the only explanation.

"I want you to penetrate me anally until we both reach orgasm." Said Suzuki. That was…very precise. Like Suzuki always was. He swayed while he sat, he slurred almost every word, and the energy around him orbited and swayed as he did….he was drunk….of course he was drunk! There was no other way he could have…why else would he have been….just….he was very close to sobering Suzuki up. Even if he kept this up while sober then…then Fukuda could try to find another way out….he could keep on trying and trying and trying until there wasn't any way out….there was never any way out…

"Th-that doesn't help! I still can't believe…what even….do you have any idea what you're asking me to do?!" said Fukuda

"Yes. I am well aware of what anal sex entails. Now take your clothes off." said Suzuki

"I-I-I can't just…there's work that goes into that! A lot of work, I can't just shove it in…you're not a woman! If I try to fuck you then there's going to be blood and-" said Fukuda

"No there won't be. I'm ready." Said Suzuki. He said that the same way he said everything. Matter-of-factly. Like he was reading from a shopping list. Like he had said anything other than…Fukuda actually didn't know much about…all of this. He had never been with another man before, and no woman had ever done this with him, but getting ready meant….he knew….he knew….but that meant that Suzuki had…

"….what….?" asked Fukuda. He didn't want details…but there was a sense of morbid curiosity, maybe, or the imp of the perverse…or maybe he was just trying to poke holes in whatever this was. Maybe if he broke on through to the other side then it would end and he'd wake up…even if he woke up in a pod or something and the world had ended or he was on some kind of generation ship then it would have been better than…all of this.

"I got myself ready, got drunk, and then ordered you here. There's no work that either of us has to do. Now penetrate me." Said Suzuki

"…how…." Said Fukuda. He didn't know why he'd asked. Morbid curiosity, maybe, or maybe he just wanted to die of a heart attack or…or maybe he just wanted Suzuki to get so pissed at him that he exploded or killed him or…or came to his senses.

"A piece of silicon in the shape of a penis and a large amount of silicon based lubricant. Not water based, silicon is better, but it breaks down the bonds in latex. However, that is irrelevant to his things will go tonight. I know for a fact that you are immune to all diseases including venereal disease and Shiori has insisted that we're careful so I know that I'm fine…and also I want to know what it feels like to have you ejac-" said Suzuki

"Touichirou!" said Fukuda. That was…too much! Scandalized was the word. Absurd was another word. He knew at least two words that were applicable to this scenario. If he'd been wearing pearls then he would have clutched them. Never in all his days had he heard Suzuki be so candid…and never would he have thought that Suzuki would have….Fukuda didn't even want to think about it…imagine it…picture it….

"Yes?" asked Suzuki simply. He swayed again. He was…he was way too drunk. That was all. He was too drunk and he had no idea what he was saying or doing. There was no way that he had actually gotten ready….

"You're drunk. I can't…I would be taking advantage so…so why don't I just sober you up and then-" said Fukuda

"You will do no such thing. I need to be drunk for this. I need this layer separating myself and reality. I am…more cowardly than I had ever imagined. I don't like this. I don't like not knowing myself. I don't like this uncertainty and I want it to be over. Now shut up and penetrate me." Said Suzuki. Well now he sounded like himself. President Suzuki. That was…not what Fukuda had wanted…but then again when had what he wanted even mattered. Suzuki is, was, and always had been the leader. What he wanted had never mattered. He'd never had any say in anything…including this…

There was no arguing with Suzuki Touichirou.

"…alright then." Said Fukuda because, really, what else could he say? When Suzuki said that something was going to happen then it was going to happen. Whether Fukuda liked it or not. There was no way that he was going to like this…but that didn't matter. This was…something that was happening. Fukuda just had to get through this night and then….and then it would be in the past. It would be over. It would be….

It would be another non-sequitur in the long list of non-sequiturs that had been the past thirty two years.