Mob had never been to real party before.
That was what Minori was calling this, anyway, a real party. Mob had been to a bunch of parties before but never one of Minori's. Still, she didn't think that this was going to be any more real than the parties Mob had been to before. This party was going to have people, drinking, smoking, and food. All parties had those things. Birthday parties, Christmas parties, New Year's Eve parties, International Friendship Day parties…Mob had been to a lot of parties before. She had thrown a lot of parties before, everything but her own birthday parties, so she wasn't really nervous.
She could do this.
She wasn't nervous at all…even though Minori was going to be there. Mob liked…she was friends with Minori and friends were always excited to see friends…even when those friends were kind of mean a lot of the time. Minori got mean when she got mad and she was going to be so mad at Mob. First of all she had colored her hair without consulting Minori even though Minori had told her to her face that she wasn't allowed to do that. Also she had done all the things, and gotten her heart broken, but Minori would only care about the part where Mob did all the things with Teru. She wouldn't show mercy because Mob's heart had been smashed right in her chest, Mob knew her, and…and Mob was just going to have to deal with it and come out the other side.
What else could she do?
"Are you going to do anything else or can I have the room?" asked Sho from his perch up on the top bunk. Mob turned around. She could see him in the mirror but it was important to face people when you talked to them. Especially when that person was your little brother…your little brother who was kind of mad at you it felt like.
Why else would he have been kicking her out?
"I'm pretty much done now, Sho, you can have the room." Said Mob. She got the feeling that she was being kicked out. They had a whole house Sho could have drawn in, any room but dad's, but instead of going to the living room or the kitchen or the laundry room or even the bathroom Sho chose to sit up there in the top bunk and ask her every five minutes when she would be done. He just didn't want her home, she figured, which made sense….she had treated him so terribly before. She had put someone else ahead of him.
She was never going to do that again. Ever.
"Thanks." Said Sho. He didn't look up from his sketchbook. When they had been little he used to show her what he was drawing and tell her about it and stuff. Sho hadn't done that in a while. She had no idea what he drew these days. He used to draw a lot of animals, and then people, and then Shimazaki…so maybe it was best that he didn't show her what he was drawing. Not that she was sure, of course, if he even was drawing Shimazaki. He said that he'd fallen out of love with Shimazaki, which was good, and that he had a new boyfriend now…one who Mob had never even met or seen….
"What?" asked Sho
"Nothing." Said Mob
"If it's nothing then quit staring at me." Said Sho
"Sorry, I didn't mean to stare. I was just thinking." Said Mob
"About the stupid party?" asked Sho
"No…and I don't think that its going to be stupid. I mean it would be more fun with you there-" said Mob
"No way!" said Sho
"-but I know that you don't want to go and nothing I say or do would make you want to go, since you don't like Minori back and she really likes you a lot, so I wasn't even thinking about that. I was just thinking about what you were drawing….how you never show me your drawings anymore, I mean." Said Mob
"If you want to see it then here." Said Sho as he turned his sketchbook around. Oh. It was just one of his hamsters, the yellow one with the stripe on it's back.
"It's really cute, Sho. Which one is that one?" asked Mob
"That's Sunflower, she's kind of shy. I haven't seen her in a while, I hope that Fukuda's cat didn't eat her." Said Sho
"I hope not either." Said Mob
"She's probably just hiding. I'll look for her later when it's time to feed them." Said Sho
"You'll probably find her, you're good at finding things. I mean you're good at everything, I mean." Said Mob. Sho turned his sketchbook around and kicked his bed. She didn't have to read his aura to know that he was angry.
"What's wrong?" asked Mob
"Nothing…everything….I don't know! Stop saying that I'm good at stuff and just-just go to your stupid party already! You said that you were going to leave to just leave and-and leave me alone!" said Sho
"I…I can do that. I'll see you later, Sho, I hope you have a good night." Said Mob. She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay and make Sho feel better…but he didn't want that. He wanted her to go away and she knew what she had said, that she would stay with him no matter what he wanted, but that was one of those things that was easier said than done.
He didn't want her around.
It was the same thing that he had said that day...the time….it was the same thing that he had said back in Seasoning City. He had told her to get away from him and she had. She should have followed him, she would have avoided a lot of heartache and pain if she had followed him, but instead she had chose to be selfish and stay with Teru. She had told herself that she would never be so selfish again but it was hard to be selfless when Sho was telling her to her face that he wanted her gone. Would it have been more selfish to stay, then, because he had made it so clear that he didn't want her around? Or was it more selfish to go since he so clearly needed her?
She didn't know.
She decided to just do what he asked. Sho was safe in their room, that was what mattered. If they had been out somewhere, like if he had gone off to see his boyfriend again, then of course she would have stayed with him. He was safe here, though, so she could go…well he was mostly safe. Just so long as he stayed in his room then he was going to be safe.
She didn't know what dad was so upset about but it must have been really bad.
"I'm leaving now." Said Mob. She walked quickly. Dad was out of his room. She didn't know if this was good or bad. Ever since he came back from Osaka he'd been really grumpy, even towards her. She had no idea what was wrong with him. Maybe his mission had failed. She knew how dad felt when he failed. Nobody liked messing up but dad, especially, didn't like it. He was very sensitive about things like that.
The angry kind of sensitive.
"Where are you going at this hour?" asked Dad. He looked up from his laptop. He had taken over the whole kitchen table again. He was surrounded by plates and cup, some of them full of ketchup. That wasn't going to be fun to clean up. She wanted to tell him to at least put his dirty plates in the sink, and to put that dirty shirt in the laundry basket so she could wash it, but she knew better than to start telling him what to do right now.
She didn't have to sense his aura to know that this was not the time to be upsetting him.
"Minori's birthday party, Dad. Remember, I told you about this already." Said Mob. How many times did she have to tell him? Why couldn't he listen? Why…no, no, she had to calm down. She couldn't get mad at Dad, not about this. He did worse things than forgetting things.
"That purple haired girl?" asked Dad. Mob nodded. How many other Minori's did he know? Probably not a lot since he didn't know any girls.
"Yes. The one we saw the Frozen musical with." Said Mob. She wanted to keep walking, right out the door, and far away from dad. He looked her up and down. She watched his eyes. He started at her shoes and ended at her eyes. She brushed her hair back. She wished that she had braided it. Dad was going to say something about it, her hair, even though he had already made his point. He didn't like it. That was fine. She hadn't dyed her hair for him to like it. She had dyed her hair because it was her hair and she could do whatever she wanted with it.
"I suppose that's where you got the idea for…that…then." Said Dad. He pointed to her hair…it wasn't polite to point…not that she was going to argue with Dad about that. She didn't; want to argue with him at all. Why was he starting with her? She just wanted to go. Just because he was upset didn't mean that he had to make her upset too. If he wanted to feel better than he should have just told her what was wrong and what he wanted her to do.
"No, I did this because I wanted to. I like my hair the way it is and I know that you don't like it. You said so. You don't have to tell me over and over again that you don't like the way I look. It's mean." Said Mob
"I'm not trying to be mean, I'm simply stating a fact. You've destroyed your hair. I know that you're not going to change it but you need to know that it doesn't look good. I don't know about clothes, though, so I say nothing. If I wanted to be mean to you then I would have criticized other aspects of your appearance, like your dress." Said Dad
"….what's wrong with my dress?" asked Mob. She didn't think she looked that bad. She didn't like short dresses like this, and she couldn't wear an undershirt because of how tight it was which felt weird, but she didn't think that she looked bad…and anyway what did dad know? He had ketchup all down the front of his shirt and his hair was getting way too long and his socks didn't match. He had on one plain black one and one black one with yellow toes…even though she had taken the time to wash, dry, and pair his socks for him. Why was he always saying that she looked bad when he looked even worse? Didn't he know that-
She was being. She had to stop now.
"Everything. It's too tight, too short, and I don't like the way men are going to look at you while your wear that. You're also wearing too much makeup and jewelry….and you should have a sweater on, too. It's cold outside." Said Dad
"But….the party is indoors…and there aren't going to be any men there to look at me. Minori doesn't have any adult friends, it's all going to be people our age." Said Mob
"Boys, then, and they're worse…though I suppose that you think that you're beyond my command. So do whatever you want, Shigeko, it isn't like you're going to listen to me and I don't want to argue with you. I have enough on my mind as it is." Said Dad. Mob took a deep breath. If he didn't want to fight then why did he try so hard to start one with her? Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn't he just be like he was before? Not back when he smothered her but back when he had been normal….actually, the more she thought about it, he had never bene normal. She didn't even know what normal was since this was the only Dad that she'd ever had. She figured that normal Dads, though, didn't try and make you feel bad about how you looked and didn't start fights with you only to tell you how they didn't want to fight.
"….sure. Alright. Goodbye then, Dad." Said Mob. He didn't want to fight, she didn't want to fight, so she left before they could start fighting. Dad sometimes just picked fights when things were bothering him. That was just how he was. She didn't know what had happened on his mission that made him like this but she did know that there was nothing that she could do unless he opened up and told her what was wrong.
But that wasn't going to happen.
So she left. She put on her shoes, got into the car, and left Dad at home to be all upset. Maybe she should have stayed for Sho…but Sho knew better than to go near Dad when he was like this. Right? She didn't think that he even wanted to spend time with Dad, even when he was happy, so…so it was ok. She wondered if she would have these sorts of problems when she had Shoko…if she had Shoko. It would probably have been easier since Shoko wouldn't have a Dad, just a mom…and an uncle…and friends…and also a grandpa. Mob had never even met her grandparents, Dad's parents had died before she had been born and Mom had told her, before, that her parents lived super far away and that was why they never visited, but she knew from TV and stuff that they were supposed to be nice…nicer than Dad normally was. If Dad treated Shoko the way he treated her then…then he didn't get to be a Grandpa even if that had been his dream for a long time
She knew that it was mean but that was just how she felt.
She wanted Shoko to be happier, happier than she and Sho ever were. She wanted Shoko to be happy for every single moment of her life and if she was unhappy, even a little bit, then Mob would fix it. She would always be there for Shoko like a mom was supposed to be. Also if she wanted to color her hair then she would be allowed to and she could wear whatever she wanted to wear and do whatever she wanted to do. Mob, if she had Shoko, was going to be a good mom. Better than Mom had ever been, anyway.
Not that she even knew if she was going to have Shoko.
She wanted to…but she also didn't…but also it would have been nice to have someone to love who loved her. it would have been nice, to, for everyone to have a baby around to play with and love. Just like how it had been when Mukai had been a baby. It was going to be a lot of hard work, though, like when Mukai had been a baby. Lots of crying and throwing up and diaper changes and stuff…but Mob could do it. She would take care of Shoko…if there even was a Shoko…she wasn't sure yet. She hoped that once she was sure, and if there was a Shoko, then Minegishi wouldn't be too mad at her.
She hated it when her friends were mad at her.
Her stomach was in knots just thinking about how mad Minori was going to be at her about her hair…and they weren't even very good friends. Minegishi was the best friend that she had ever had in her life and they…well they weren't that happy with her right now. She didn't want to think about. Thinking about Minegishi being mad at her made her think about why they were mad at her and thinking about why they were mad at her made her think about…about him…
Teru.
She pressed her head to the car window. She wondered how his New Year's Eve had been. He hadn't been kidnapped or even bothered. She had won that fight, nobody was going to be kidnapping kids anymore. She had also made a 'do not bother' list and all the espers in Seasoning City were on it. She'd had to fight with dad about it but she had won and now it was done. Teru was safe just like she had promised him. She did what she promised and…and she wondered if he'd noticed. She wondered if he knew what she had done for him. She wondered if he was grateful. She wondered if he missed her. She wondered if he thought about her, ever, if he missed her and wanted her back. If he felt anything…he had been in love with her…but then he'd kicked her out. Because of Claw, he had said, because of who she was in Claw…
She was never leaving Claw.
One day he would see, the day Claw took over. Then he would see that she had been right and that Claw was a good place, Dad wasn't a the bad guy, and that the world was better off with Claw and Dad in charge. Then maybe they could be together. Maybe they could even be…no. They couldn't be anything. She felt like her stomach was going to climb up and fight with her heart…she had to think about something else. She had to think about…about…she didn't know. She didn't even wanted to think. She wanted to feel good, or at least better. Her hair was starting to float…she was that upset.
Conceal, don't feel.
It wasn't that she didn't feel when she smoked, she did feel, she felt good. She felt everything but only the good things. The softness of her socks, mostly, but also the rest of her clothes. Softness was good. Softness and everything else that was good. Shimazaki had told her, before, that when you thought bad thoughts then you could just push them away. You could drink or smoke or something else and then all the boring bad thoughts would go away and you could live life the way it was meant to be enjoyed. You could have fun. Mob wanted to have fun. She took the pen from her Elsa bag. Minori hated this bag but it was the biggest one Mob had and she had a lot to carry around with her.
She was supposed to bring the fun.
She had done her best. Shimazaki's friend, the one who sold her stuff, moved. So she only had what Shimazaki had let her have. Not very much…but it was the best that she could do. He had even let her have some of his coke. She had to only give people bumps, though, because if she gave them lines then their hearts would explode and they would die. She didn't know if he was being serious or not about the whole 'hearts exploding' thing but she didn't want to test it.
Good thing nobody's heart had ever exploded from smoking a pen.
It wasn't the smoking that made Mob feel like her heart was going to explode, no, it was the fact that she could see Minori's house from here. She actually lived inside of Tokyo, the city not the prefecture. Mob lived outside of it where houses were cheaper. She didn't know why dad was so worried about money, they had plenty of it, and it would have been nice to live in a big house in the city with all of her friends. There were more places to walk to and also city houses, or at least the one Minori lived in, had a lot more bedrooms than the house Mob lived in. Living with her friends would have been so great…even if she would have had to live next to Minori….
That was no way to think about her friend.
Minori said that Mob was her best friend. She had said that so many times before, enough times that it was real. Mob could be Minori's best friend but Minori wasn't Mob's…but she wasn't going to tell her that. No, that would be rude. She was going to be nice like she always tried to be. This was her friend's house and her friend's birthday party. She wasn't going to ruin it. She got out of the car, slowly, not because she didn't want to be there but because…um…her dress was really short like dad had said. She carefully got out of the car and, for a little bit, just stood there.
That was a lot of people.
There, in front of her, was a whole group of people. Girls her age. Four of them. They walked right through the door…and there were some boys behind them. Two of them. She took a step back. The car was still there. It was a Claw car and it would take her wherever she wanted to go, she was the Vice President of Claw after all, so it would have been easy to leave…but she didn't want to leave. She didn't know why she wanted to leave. She didn't know why it suddenly felt like…like everyone was looking at her…
Maybe she should have worn her sweater.
She crossed her arms. It was cold outside…of course it was. It was January. There wasn't a single place in all of Japan that wasn't cold in January….so there was no point in getting back in the car and going someplace else. She took a step forward…and then another….and another. A streetlight flickered behind her. She inhaled from her pen again. She needed….she needed to be normal. These were all normal people and she needed to be normal too. She needed to blend in. When Claw took over the world then she wouldn't ever have to hide who she was again….but that wasn't going to happen for a long time. This party was happening now.
She took a step forwards.
She felt like she was being watched. Like everyone was looking at her and thinking about how weird she was. How dumb she looked. How she didn't belong here. She really didn't. This was Minori's house and these were Minroi's friends and she was…she was one of Minori's friends too and she had been to her house before….no matter how much she reassured herself the feeling didn't go away. It didn't go away as she walked through the gate, pausing only to give the guard her name, and it didn't go away as she went through the door. It didn't go away as she gave her shoes to the shoe attendant, she'd have to have someone do that at the next HQ party so nobody's shoes got stolen again, and it didn't go away as she walked into the actual house.
That was a lot of purple.
Minori had gotten purple balloons, purple streamers, and even a purple light. It was so dark in here, like a dark sort of purple. Even with the darkness she still got the feeling like she was being watched. Watched and made fun of. She always got watched in parties, she was the one who threw them, but that was different. It was her friends who watched her, friends and other members of Claw. Those were people who knew her.
She didn't know anyone here.
The only person she knew was Minori…but she had no idea where Minori was. She couldn't feel Minori's aura…because she didn't have one. Nobody here had an aura. Not any of the guests or the guards. The only other aura she could feel was the driver's. He was still there, Dad had probably told him to wait with her. She wondered how he was doing, the driver, if he was bored or hungry or tired or anything like that. She kind of wanted to talk to him, just to see how he was doing. She didn't know how either but at least…at least he was like her.
Things would be better when she was older and espers didn't have to hide anymore.
She walked through the house and tried to see where Minori was hiding. There were people everywhere, wall to wall. They were all her size, too, some people were taller but nobody was adult sized. She could see over the tops of their heads…she hadn't ever been able to see over the top of a crowd like this. How did Minori know so many people? She wasn't anything in her dad's company…so how had she met all of these other people…oh. Right. School. That was where people her age met people. Maybe if she had gone to school then she could have met people too. Then she could have thrown parties like this. Then she could have had more friends and even a boyfriend who she actually liked back and-
-and she had to find Minori.
She didn't know who to ask. She didn't know if it even was ok to ask. She never had to ask where people were before, she just always sort of knew. They were always somewhere in her passive range. She wished that she'd stayed home with Sho…he may have been in a bad mood but he was still someone she knew. She wished she had stayed with her brother and her friends and even her dad even though he had been so mean lately that she couldn't even stand to be-
"Hey! Watch it!"
"Sorry!" said Mob as she caught herself…with her powers. Right, normal people. She had been bumped into from behind, no way to dodge it, so she had caught herself. She hadn't been thinking. Oh no! What if she had ruined everything!? Normal people weren't supposed to know about them yet and she had used her powers in public and now…now….oh no!
"Shige? Oh my God!" shouted Minori. Well that…wasn't as bad as what she had been imagining…and it shouldn't have been bad at all. Minori was her friend and it was her birthday and on someone's birthday you had to be nice to them. That was a rule. Mob knew that because she had made that rule herself. When it was someone's birthday then no matter how you felt about them you had to be nice.
Even when the person you were being nice to wasn't that nice to you at all.
"What are you wearing?!" said Minori before she took Mob's headband off and threw it into the crowd. That hadn't been nice for…all the reasons. It was mean to go taking things off of people's heads like that, it was mean to throw things like that, and it was mean…well it didn't matter. Minori was her friend and it was her birthday and Mob had to be nice.
"Happy birthday, Minori. I got you-" said Mob as she held out her Elsa bag. Minori grabbed it…even though Mob had still been wearing it…and looked around.
"Are you high right now!?" asked Minori
"I'm getting there." said Mob
"God Shige! You could have waited for me! It is MY birthday after all!" said Minori. Mob didn't know if she was shouting because she was upset or if she was shouting because the music was loud. The whole first floor of Minori's house was dark and loud like the places that Shimazaki took her to sometimes. Nothing to drink, though. There was someone at a table making drinks but he just had sodas and fruit juices. The sign said 'kiddie cocktails'. Mob wanted a real one. She needed a real one. It was just easier to be Minori's friend when she was drunk…or at least it was easier to deal with the shouting and meanness.
"I'm sorry. I should have waited….um…I'm really sorry?" said Mob
"Whatever. Come on, you're missing the party." Said Minori
"But isn't this-" said Mob
"No, the REAL party." Said Minori. She grabbed Mob by the hand and pulled her through the crowd. Minori didn't really watch where she was going and wound up bumping Mob into a lot of people. She went so fast that Mob didn't even get a chance to say sorry or have sorry said to her…not that she would ever have forced someone to apologize to her, no, they would have done that on her own. She was sure that they would have. Minori may have been mean but that didn't mean that her friends were…right?
Mob didn't know.
She had never met any of Minori's other friends. She hadn't even known that Minori HAD other friends. Half the time Minori was upset because nobody liked her and everyone was a b-word. The other half of the time Minori told her stories and showed her pictures of all of her friends and the good times they had. Mob didn't know how a person could go from having no friends to all the friends in the world and then back again so quickly. She'd only ever had seven real friends in her life, eight if she counted her little brother, and they had never stopped being friends even for one moment. Maybe things were different when you were friends with people your own age. Things changed fast, Mob figured, when you were twelve…or thirteen like Minori was. You could fall in love and then out of it, you could be the best of friends with someone and then the worst of enemies, and every time you looked in the mirror you were a little bit different. She couldn't wait to be an adult. At least then things would stay the same.
Hopefully in a good way.
"It's good that you came when you did…but seriously, could you be any later?" asked Minori as she dragged Mob up the stairs. She nodded at the guards she passed. They didn't look like they were having much fun either.
"You told me to come at-" said Mob
"Well you should have known that I wanted you here earlier. We could have gotten ready together. I mean, seriously? A cat ears headband? Do you know how old you are?" asked Minori
"I'm twelve and a half. I'm half a year younger than you…actually more like four months younger than you-" said Mob
"Exactly. You may still only be twelve but you should know better. This is a birthday party, a real one not the princess parties you throw." Said Minori
"I haven't had a princess party since I turned eleven…and even then I was just wearing the costume. Also Elsa hangs out with the princesses but that's just because they're more Anna's friends. She's kind of shy, since she spent so long locked up in her room, so she has trouble making friends on her own. That's ok, though, because Anna doesn't mind it when Elsa hangs out with her and her friends. She's kind of friends with Snow White, Elsa is, because they both grew up without anyone to hangout with and also they both like to sing. Well everyone but Merida sings but Snow White and Elsa sing to get their feelings….out…" said Mob. Minori had stopped walking, stopped dragging Mob, but she got the feeling that it had nothing to do with the fact that she was right outside of Minori's bedroom door. Minori was looking at her, now, she was giving her a look that Mob knew wasn't good. If she'd had an aura then it would have been flaring out against Mob's. She let go of Mob's arm but still kept that look up.
"Shige…you know that you're my best friend, right?" asked Minori
"You've said that before, yes." said Mob
"Good. Then as my best friend I have a responsibility to you." Said Minori
"Y-You do?" asked Mob
"I do. I have a responsibility to tell you to take all of that first grader shit and leave it the fuck out here. Alright? No more Frozen, no more princesses, no more talking about your little brother unless it's to tell me how hot he is-" said Minori
"But Sho's my BROTHER!" said Mob. Why would she ever have…why would she have thought of him like…just…no way! She knew that Minori liked Sho a lot, she had tried to kiss him before and stuff, so it was ok to think about him like that…even if it was gross…but it was not ok to act like Mob thought about her own little brother like….like he was a BOY!
"-no more saying f-word and h-word and whatever else word, no more cat ears headbands, no more high socks-" said Minori before she reached over and yanked Mob's socks down so they were around her ankles.
"But my legs are cold." Said Mob
"And no more complaining! I told everyone that you were cool and I am not going to let you turn me into a liar." Said Minori
"But I never told you to lie to anyone." Said Mob. Minori rolled her eyes.
"It's not a lie, Shige, you are cool. It's just buried deep down under all of your…you-ness." Said Minori before she tugged the front of Mob's dress down. She tugged it back up but Minori just tugged it down again. Mob didn't like this at all. Her chest felt cold and she could see the whole top parts of her breasts. That meant that other people could see them…like boy people. She didn't know if she wanted that. She'd done all the things already and they weren't good, mostly just weird and awkward and slimy, and she didn't want to do them again…not in real life, anyway. Her head was a different place but this wasn't in her head so….so she didn't think that she wanted to do any of that stuff….
And she didn't want any boys to want to do that with her.
But she didn't fight with Minori. This was her birthday, her shirt even said so. Sweet Thirteen. She didn't know what was so sweet about being thirteen….maybe the cake? When was Minori going to do cake and presents? That was what you were supposed to do at a birthday party…but Mob wasn't going to be bossy about this. This was Minori's party and she could do whatever she wanted to do. If she wanted to yank off Mob's headband and tug down her dress then it was fine. If she wanted to spend the whole party in her room then that was fine too. If she wanted to be mean then…then she could be mean too.
It was her party and her house after all.
It was her bedroom, too, that she shoved Mob into. She had been in Minori's room before, more times than she could count. It was bigger than Mob's room, but that was maybe because she didn't have to share it with her little brother. She didn't have any boy things in her room, no toy guns or anything like that, not any toys at all. She did have a lot of teddy bears, though, or at least she used to have a lot of them. All of her teddy bears were gone, now, even the one her mom had given her before she died. The teddy bear picnic on the wall was covered up, too, with a big picture of the boys from the swimming anime she liked. The room was weird without the bears…and crowded, too. Maybe she had gotten rid of the bears to make room for the people….
All of the people.
There were people on her bed, people on her floor, people sitting and standing and talking and looking at their phones and….too many people. Fewer than were downstairs but more than…than Mob had ever been in a room with…normal people. Not a single aura in the room that she could feel. It was like she was looking at a room full of dolls. Dolls that…that looked back at her…
And stared.
So many people….and she had no idea what they felt or wanted or…or anything. She wasn't Serizawa, she left the house and went places, so she didn't have a problem with crowds. If she did then she wouldn't have gone to Disneyland so many times. Those times were different. She always went places with at least Minegishi or Sho or Mukai, or even Shimazaki. Also normal people, when they were around her, never paid her any mind. She didn't need to know what they thought or felt or wanted or….or any of that…and she was never in a closed room with them either. Minori let her door slam shut. Mob wanted it opened….but it wasn't her room. This wasn't her room and…and this was not her birthday….and…and she had to say something or…or do something….
What was she supposed to even…DO…in this situation?
"H-Hi…nice to meet you." Said Mob. She waved and, after a moment, bowed. That was what you were supposed to do. People said hello, hi, and hey right back to her. So she had done the right thing…but then why did Minori grab her by the back of her head and pull her back up?
"She's just kidding, right Shige?" asked Minori
"Um…yes?" asked Mob as she rubbed the back of her head. Minori was a lot stronger than she looked. Hair pulling wasn't nice but…but it was Minori's party and she could do whatever she wanted to do. Mob wasn't going to be mean to her even if she had been mean first…Mob didn't know why she was being mean…and she didn't know why Minori thought she had been kidding, either….
Mob had never been this clueless before in her entire life.
"See? She's really funny like that, in an ironic sort of meta way." said Minori
"What does-" said Mob
"Anyway, she didn't just bring jokes, did you Shige?" asked Minori. She tugged on Mob's Elsa bag…oh!
"R-Right. I have pens and liquor, but only vodka because that's the best kind, and my friend Shimazaki let me have some of his coke. Well I got him the coke, for his birthday, but it doesn't mean that I just get to take it….back…" said Mob. She had said too much, she got the feeling, or maybe not enough. It was hard to tell. She mostly just talked to her friends…or people from Claw. It was easier to talk to Scars and Awakened and upper echelon people….easier to understand what to say. She was in charge there…it had never meant much to her, she loved everyone and she would have even if she hadn't been the vice president, but now….she kind of missed it. Knowing what to say and stuff…being able to say whatever she wanted….
Being able to mess up without anyone telling her she had.
"She's high, like really high. That Shige for you! Anyway Shige this is Rumi, Nomi, Morioka, Ai, Kanai, Chiyo, Shinji…." Minori rattled off a list of names as she pointed to each and every one of her friends. Mob nodded and tried her best to follow along…but she couldn't. There were too many people and as soon as she learned one name then there would be another for her to know….usually she was so good with names. She knew all of the Scars and the Upper Echelons and a bunch of Awakened, too. She knew people and…and she liked….she liked being around people…maybe it was easier when she liked the people she was around. Maybe it was easier when she knew what to do. Maybe it was easier when she liked where she was and who she was with….
She needed to stop being mean.
Dad was mean. She may have come from him, she may have been a Suzuki, but that didn't mean that she had to act like Dad did. She was her own person, she was Mob, and she was nice. She smiled as best as she could, with her face and not her aura even though auras were easier, and tried her best to look friendly. She didn't know how Minori did this. She didn't think that she wanted to go to school or…or maybe friends her own age…or any of the other things that Minori did. The whole thing was just too much!
For her birthday it was just going to be her and her friends…it was just easier that way.
"See? Easy, right?" whispered Minori. Mob nodded. This was…well not easy but she wasn't going to tell Minori anything that she didn't want to hear. She didn't take those kinds of things well at the best of times and these were not the best of times. These were…times. Not good but not bad. It was…a lot easier when she sat down. Minori sat her down on the rug. The room looked different from this angle, she mostly just sat on the bed, and all the people didn't really help…
There were so many people.
She was sitting next to a boy she didn't know. Minori was on the other side of her. She leaned in close to Minori. She didn't want to be by anyone she didn't know….even if he was kind of cute. He was taller than her and he had really pretty eyes for a boy…but she didn't know him and she didn't want to…well it was kind of nice, being near to a boy but…but it was better next to Minori.
Minori didn't agree.
"Stop it! He's for you, don't piss this away!" Whispered Minori when Mob got too close to her. They were sitting in a big sort of circle, now, and passing one of the joints Mob had brought around. The windows were opened…maybe dad had been right about the sweater thing. Maybe he had been right about her hair, too. She caught Minori glaring at her every so often and, once the joint had been passed around a few times, tugging on her hair.
Maybe she shouldn't have come in the first place.
"Seriously, Shige?" asked Minori as she tugged, again, on Mob's hair. She always got like this when she smoked. Meaner than normal. Mob didn't know why. When you smoked you felt better. It was like all the background stuff, the worries and stuff, just went away. Like when someone turned the TV off suddenly after it had been blaring all day. She felt sort of bad for Minori…and bad that she had dyed her hair. She should have thought about someone other than herself. She had been such a bad friend. She tried to sit closer to Minori, because she was sad and also because the boy next to her was touching her a lot on the leg, too. Every time she got closer to Minori she would just get her hair pulled or a finger jabbed into her side.
Poor Minori.
Because, really, as mean as she was being she had a good reason. So that was ok. Mob was the one who wasn't working hard enough at this friendship. She shouldn't have been thinking about how much her head hurt or her side hurt or how much she really wished that she could have put up a barrier. She should have been thinking about Minori and making sure that she had a happy birthday. OK, so smoking didn't make her feel better…and all the vodka she had brought was gone. She had plenty of…well she had some coke. Shimazaki wouldn't let her bring everything that he had because he needed it, he said. This was good, though, if she was only giving people bumps. That wasn't very much at all when you were used to it but it was plenty when you weren't and she was pretty sure that Minori and her friends were used to anything.
Most kids weren't as lucky as she was.
Most kids had to have rules and go to school and all the other stuff that kids had to do. Mob wasn't a kid, not really, she was just a short adult like dad had said before. She was a small adult and…and she was lucky. She kind of wished that her tolerance was lower, though. Shimazaki said that he wanted to go on a tolerance break with her….she wasn't going to be doing that. The only way she could kiss him was when she was a little bit of…of something. She liked him as a friend, maybe it would have been different if she liked him the way he liked her, but that didn't mean that she couldn't at least act like she liked him back. Heartbreak was the worst feeling ever.
Having someone you didn't know trying to put their hand on your leg, though, was a close second.
"Can you please stop it?" asked Mob. She had only been so mean because of the coke. She got kind of mean when she was on coke…or at least she said what was on her mind more. She moved a lot more, too. She was rocking in place right now. She wanted to get away from this boy. She wanted to get up, she wanted to walk, she wanted to run. She wanted to go outside and play in the snow. She wanted to go home and chase Mukai through the house. She wanted…she didn't want to be here…and she didn't have to be here. She was Suzuki Shigeko and she could do whatever she wanted to do and go wherever she wanted to go and-
-and she also had to be a good friend.
"Shige! Oh my God! I can't take her anywhere! I am so, so, so sorry about her! She's a virgin and she's homeschooled. She doesn't know anything. She's just shy, that's all, she's really into you." Said Minori as she grabbed Mob's arm and dug her nails in. Mob could see her aura, now, and she did her best not to pull Minori off of her. Her powers listened really well when she was on coke, Shimazaki said that stimulants were good for that kind of thing, but if she didn't want Minori touching her then her powers would listen. That was the opposite of what she wanted. She wanted…she wanted to be a good friend….and she wanted to walk. She wanted to get up and walk all around the city…maybe even with Shimazaki. He was more fun than this even if he was always trying to kiss her. Anything would have been more fun than this, even sitting next to Dad and watching him play Minecraft…..
She had to try harder to be a good friend.
"You're my wingman, act like it and stop being selfish." Said Minori. Mob wanted to ask what a wingman was but she didn't get the chance to. The mirror came around…and all the bumps that she had made were gone. Someone had done lines and left their credit card….she wished she remembered which one was Rumi. It would have been terrible if her credit card got stolen. Even if she might have been the one to make a bunch of lines where there should have been bumps.
Mob hoped that nobody's heart exploded.
There were people kissing and touching, people arguing, and one person was laying on Minori's bed with her eyes closed while she rocked back and forth. Nobody looked like their heart was going to explode, which was good. Mob didn't know if people could even live through that. Fukuda could heal anything but she didn't want to call him or talk to him or be around him. She would…if someone's heart exploded then there were hospitals and stuff…right? But maybe just to be safe she should have done another line…
If Minori ever let her have a turn.
"Yes! Happy birthday to me!" shouted Minori. Mob wanted to tell her that maybe she needed to stop, she had a pretty bad nosebleed, but she knew that Minori wouldn't listen. This was her party and these were her friends and it would have been mean of Mob to try and tell everyone about moderation. She didn't like it when Minegishi tried to teach her about moderation…but she kind of understood why.
Like Shimazaki had said, before, blood was your body's way of telling you to stop putting cocaine into it.
"Um…Minori? Do you want some of my pen?" asked Mob. Maybe if she distracted her then she would forget all about the coke. Then they could do cake and presents, too, since it had been a while. How long did normal people birthday parties last? The invitation had said 'until whenever'. What time was 'whenever'? She should have asked….she should have….well she was doing something now and that was what mattered. She handed Minori her pen.
She handed it back.
"What I want is to….you know! Actually you don't since you're going to die a virgin with, like, a million cats that you made princess costumes for." Said Minori. There was some laughing. Minori hadn't been whispering as softly as she thought she had. People were laughing a little bit at her or…or maybe they were just high. She was going to go with the last time. She was going to just…to just…do whatever Minori wanted her to do.
"But I'm not a-" said Mob. She didn't get a chance to finish one sentence before Minori pulled her in close. Really close. So close that they could have kissed if she wanted to. Mob didn't like girls like that…but if Minori wanted to kiss then that was alright. Sometimes your friends just wanted to kiss you and you had to go with it. That was what friends did.
And Mob considered herself to be a very good friend.
"Shige, I need you right now." Said Minori softly. Mob nodded.
"Um….do you want to kiss? Because if you do then you can just do it." Said Mob. She closed her eyes and braced herself. She didn't want to but…but she was a good friend and this was what good friends did.
"What the…yeah! Yeah, totally!" said Minori….before she kissed Mob. It was…weird. Not as weird as kissing Shimazaki, even though she was even worse about tongue stabbing than he was. This was…something that she could do. She kissed Minori back as best as she could. Minori was doing more touching and slobbering and kissing than anything else. Minori's hands were on her stomach and her back and her legs and even on her breasts…which was ok because they were both girls….right? She'd have to ask Minegishi later. They had kissed more people and they knew the rules of kissing. Mob had only kissed two, now three, people in her life…and only one of those was wanted…
It wasn't so bad.
People around her were cheering. She didn't know why. She was being watched, it wasn't just a feeling anymore, and she didn't know why. This was kind of private and also…also just…not the sort of thing that needed an audience! Just…the cheering was making it weirder. Maybe if everyone had just been quiet….no. Then that would have been even weirder. People just silently watching her kiss her friend…best friend? Girlfriend? No….they weren't girlfriends…right? Because she had a boyfriend…who she didn't want….so maybe she was going to have to have a girlfriend that she didn't want to either…but….but what about what she wanted? Why didn't that ever matter? Why was it only selfish when she wanted something? Why was it that people were allowed to do whatever they wanted to her and she didn't get a say? Why-
"You're a genius, Shige. I fucking love you…now come on, and don't say that I never did anything for you. I fucking made you. Don't ever forget that." Said Minori. She took Mob by the hand and led her away….and now they were walking. Yes! This was what she had wanted to do from the beginning. Minori's house wasn't wide, it was tall, but it was still bigger than hers. There were so many rooms and hallways and stairs and an attic and a rooftop garden! There were so many places that they…and the two boys following them…could walk…
But they didn't walk far.
"Here, you can have the good guest room since you're my best friend! Seriously! Thanks so much! I fucking love you…everything is love…fuck my Dad and fuck my Mom….and fuck me…fuck…just get in there!" said Minori as she opened the door. The room inside looked like a Claw room, plain everything. White walls, a white bed, just…a lot of white. She didn't know what was so special about this room, why she had been dragged here, or what she was even supposed to do.
"But the party…what about the party?" asked Mob
"Shut up and stop being such a virgin." Said Minori as she shoved Mob through the door. She stumbled, a lot, and wound up pushed against the bed.
"But I'm not-" said Mob as the door slammed. Now she was all alone in here…with the boy. The boy who had been touching her all night. She looked around. There was only that one door. It was too quiet in here. She couldn't hear the music from the party or….or anyone else. She was all alone in a room with a boy and…and he was in front of the door….and he was looking at her.
She pulled her dress up.
"Um…hi? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do." Said Mob. She at least got one sentence out before she was kissed. Again. When she had been little there had been this game that girls, and some boys, played. Catch and kiss. It was where you chased someone until you caught them and then you got kissed. Nobody had ever wanted to play that with Mob…at least not when she had been little. She wasn't little anymore and this wasn't a game and…and she didn't want this. She didn't want to be kissed but she was used to it by now…so she just went with it…even though, somehow, it was worse than kissing Shimazaki. At least she knew Shimazaki's name and stuff….but…but this wasn't so bad.
Kissing wasn't so bad…touching on the other hand….
There was a hand on her breast. He was close, now, and she had nowhere to go. She couldn't even step back because there was a bed behind her. She wanted to take a step back….and then another…and then another. She wanted to take all the steps back that she could. Her breasts were not avocados and they didn't need to be squished like them…but this wasn't so bad. It would have been better, though, if she had been wearing an undershirt…or a sweater, like dad had told her to. Still, though, it wasn't so bad….it wasn't anything that she couldn't live with. How much longer could this possibly last…how much worse could this possibly get?
Oh. That much worse.
Mob's powers never really listened, even when she was on coke. They just went from doing their own thing independent of what she wanted to doing their own thing based on what they thought that she wanted. Right now she wanted to get away from this boy. She wanted him to get his hand out from under her dress and she wanted to put as much distance between the two of them as possible….so that was what she, or rather her powers, did. It took only an instant before she sent the other boy flying across the room and onto the ground. He hit the wall with a loud thump…but he was ok…right? He was moving and not bleeding so…so she could tell that he was ok…and she was…she was…
She had to get out of here.
She ran out of the room. She was not ok. It was too bright and too loud and everything hurt and she just…she needed to move! She needed to run, so that was what she did. She ran down the hall until she got to the stairs. She slipped, a little, since she was just in her socks and Minori had pulled them down. She caught herself, her powers had looked out for her again, but she didn't want them to look out for her! She wanted….she wanted….she wanted to be selfish! She wanted to get out of here and if this was selfish, abandoning Minori on her birthday, then fine. Mob was selfish.
She was a bad friend.
She heard a door open and started running. She ran down the stairs, slipping only once, before she made it to the main floor…where the party was. There were so many people….too many people. Mob could barely see anything it was so dark and purple and nobody had auras…she needed auras. She needed to be home. She needed to be around people who…who she understood. Shimazaki may have kissed her a lot but he actually liked her and she knew him and…and she didn't want to kiss people she didn't know! And she didn't want to kiss Minori, either! She didn't want to kiss anyone or be kissed by anyone or…or anything like that! She wanted to go home! She wanted…she had to go home…she just…she had to get through this crowd…
"Excuse me, pardon me, sorry, can I just get through…please?" asked Mob as she made her way through the crowd. Some people moved, some people didn't, and some people only half gave her space. Some people only took a little step to the side even when they had room and-and-and she needed to get through! She had powers, she could have just picked everyone up and moved them out of her way, it wouldn't have been hard….but she had to be nice. She was Mob, she was nice, and anyway she couldn't show normal people that she had powers. They had to hide until the day came…the day that felt like it would never come. She had to move…she had stop thinking about moving other people. She had to….she made her way out of the house. She didn't bother getting her shoes, no, she just walked out the front door.
Her feet were cold.
She had cold feet. Her arms were cold, too. Her whole self was cold. She needed…the car was still there. She only needed to make it a few more steps and she would be out the gate and to the road and then…and then she could go home. Home to where everyone was mad at everyone else and somehow she was in the middle…it was better than being here. She started walking. Her feet were cold, the frost was seeping into her socks, and it was gross walking around outside without shoes on but she could do this. She would do this.
She barely made it three steps away from the house.
"Shige! What the fuck was that?!" shouted Minori as she grabbed Mob by the back of her dress. Mob turned around. Minori didn't need an aura for Mob to be able to tell that she was mad. Mob didn't know why…but it never made sense why Minori was mad. She was just mad and mean and…and Mob didn't want to be here!
"Minori, I'm going home." Said Mob. She pulled away from Minori and kept her powers in check. The ground shook a little…but a little was too much. She needed to conceal, not feel, but she didn't know how to…she had to control her powers. She had to…she could…she needed to keep on moving. She could go wherever she wanted…and right now she wanted to go….so she would go!
"No you're not! You're my best friend! You can't just abandon me on my birthday! Don't be a bitch!" said Minori
"I'm not a b-word! I'm just…I want to go home! I'm not having fun and-and-and why did you make me go in that room with that boy? I didn't want to and-and I want to go home now!" said Mob
"Don't talk to me like that! I did that for you, so you'd stop being such a virgin all the time. You should be lucky that I found a guy for you. Now we can both stop being virgins at the same time. I do so much for you, you know! You were nothing before you met me. You played dress up when you met me-" said Minori
"I like dress up! I like Elsa and I like Disney and I like…I like to wear blue and…and I didn't like that boy! And I like my hair and I like myself and I like…I don't like the way you're treating me right now!" said Mob. She covered her mouth as soon as she was done. Her mouth wasn't listening. She just…she was being a bad friend. She was being such a bad friend and…and she needed to be better…but why was it selfish is she said what she wanted? Why was it selfish is she was happy? She took a step back. She needed to go home…she wasn't ok…she just…she'd had too much. That was all. She'd just had way too much….she should have listened to Minegishi….
She wanted Minegishi.
"I'm sorry but that's just how I feel." Said Mob. She would give her a better sorry later. She was leaving her on her birthday. That was one of the worst things that you could do to someone, especially your best friend…but she and Minori weren't best friends. They were friends who…well Minori said that Mob was her best friend but…but that wasn't the kind of thing that only one person could decide, right? Unless it was like a relationship….
She didn't know. Her head hurt.
"Fine! Go! I don't need you anyway! You need me, I made you! You were just a little kid when we met so…so go!" said Minori. She said that and then she pushed Mob. Not hard enough to knock her down but hard enough that she got the message. That was…she could….why did it hurt? Not Minori pushing her, she knew exactly why that hurt, but why did it hurt that she didn't want to be friends anymore…nobody had ever NOT wanted to be her friend…nobody except for Fukuda but she was used to him. She just…she had to….to go. To be with her other friends…her real friends….
She had to go now.
"Goodbye, Minori, and happy birthday." Said Mob before she turned around and walked away. Minori didn't try and stop her…she didn't want Minori to stop her…but she did want…she didn't even know what she wanted. The only person who had ever disliked her was Fukuda…and Mom…and…and she had promised herself that she would never make another person feel that bad…but she had. She was a bad friend but…but Minori had been a bad friend too…but that was ok, people could treat her however they wanted to and…and that was just the way it went…or…she didn't know. She couldn't think. She needed to get home, back to her friends, and away from this party.
This hadn't been a very good party at all…but maybe next year would be better. If she got invited…if Minori wanted to invite her…if she even wanted to be invited.