Disclaimer: I don't own anything OC related.
AN: I'm not a big fan of Marissa/Ryan fics, I tend to like her better dead or far away from my Chino, but at the request of some of my awesome f-listers who love the M/R, here's a fic just for them.

"You sure you're all right to do this?" Sandy asks.

I nod. I don't know exactly how I'm going to do this, but I know that I have to. My mind is all clouded with the vision of Ryan being choked and the Trey's eyes looking at me, knowing that I shot him. But I have to be all right. I'm not hurt. I'm not the one going to jail. I hope.

Sandy's hand is warm on my shoulder and I give him the best smile I can but I know that it's pretty weak. I was so fucking scared and now that the fear is gone, I'm just numb. Empty. My emotions are just spent right now.

"Come in," the officer says, holding open the door to the small interrogation room.

The cops had taken Trey to the hospital. I hadn't seen what happened to Ryan, all I know is that the cops called my parents and then Sandy was there telling me that he would take care of it.

People always called Ryan a white knight, but Sandy was the one who always came through in the end. If Ryan was the knight, Sandy was the king that he was protecting.

"Just tell the truth, Marissa, and this will all be over soon, okay?" Sandy whispers.

I nod again.

"We're taping this, Miss Cooper, but its protocol, is that okay?"

I'm good at this nodding thing.

"Please speak out loud so the tape can record your consent," the cop says.

"Yes." I still have a voice. I just have to remember how to use it.

"Start at the beginning. When did you arrive at Mr. Atwood's apartment?"

The beginning. God. "I got there…I'm not sure what time. Seth called me and told me that Ryan was going over there because he knew what happened to me…"

"What happened to you? Could you elaborate?" the cop urges.

"A few weeks ago, Trey attacked me…I didn't tell Ryan because…because he wanted to believe in his brother so bad…and Trey…he was so serious about me not telling Ryan, he didn't want to disappoint him…and I knew that Ryan would flip out if he found out…"

Sandy puts his arm around me like I'm going to cry. I don't have the energy right now to cry. I just want to find Ryan and put my arms around him and tell him that I'm sorry for killing his brother. That I'm sorry for all of this. I just want to go home.

"Miss Cooper…did you tell anyone about the attack?"

I shake my head. "My best friend, she saw the bruises and the scratches from where…where Trey grabbed me and she figured it out…I told her tonight and she must've told Seth who told Ryan."

Sandy fills in the blanks for the officer by explaining the relationships of the people I've mentioned.

"Okay. Go on, Miss Cooper."

"So, Seth called me and told me that Ryan knew. I knew that Ryan would go to Trey's…he'd want to hear it from him…I knew he'd be so upset…but when I got there, the door was wide open, and Trey was on top of Ryan…holding him down…they were both bleeding and Ryan…he couldn't breathe and I couldn't get Trey off him…I tried…" and now I'm crying because I remember the frustration and the paralyzing fear that I was going to have to watch Trey kill the man that I loved. "I had to do something and there was a gun in the floor and…" I look at Sandy who still has his arm around me. "I couldn't let him kill Ryan. I just picked it up and…I shot him."

Sandy squeezes my shoulder and I give him an appreciative look. He's being so nice.

"He was on top of Ryan?" the cop asks.

I nod. "He was choking him and he wouldn't let go…and Ryan, he couldn't get away…I had to do something…"

"Okay, Miss Cooper…that's fine." The cop looks at Sandy for a moment.

Tonight started out strange, I should've known that the moment my dysfunctional family decided to try again that something apocalyptic was going to happen.

I hope this is going to be over soon.

"Marissa, I'm going to step outside and talk to the officer for a moment, will you be all right?" Sandy asks me.

"Sure." I'll be fine. I'll just sit here and wait for the men to come with the handcuffs. Or maybe they'll bring the straightjacket for real this time. I can already see my mother telling the doctors how I was suicidal and it was only a matter of time before I was homicidal. She'd love to commit me…

At least my dad's home now. He'd at least tell me that I was going.

Shit. What's going to happen to me? What's going to happen to Ryan? I shouldn't have said that he was going there to talk to Trey, they'll think the gun was his or something…shit…what if I said something wrong and we both go to jail?

I take a deep breath. I have to stop using my first instinct. The truth is what I needed to tell them. Sandy said I should tell the truth.

The door opens and they return, Sandy's eyes telling me that I was going to be okay. I feel better already…

"Do you want to press charges against Mr. Atwood?" the cop asks as I stand up.

"What? Against Ryan? Why?"

"No, honey, against Trey. For attacking you," Sandy says softly.

I haven't considered that. "I…he didn't rape me, I nailed him in the head before he could even try…" But he should be punished. So he couldn't do it to anyone else. But he was drunk and high and didn't know what he was doing…what if I had provoked him? It didn't matter, he should have stopped when I said no. How can I press charges against a dead man anyway?

"Marissa? You don't have to decide tonight, you can think about it…have you told your parents?" Sandy asks. I didn't realize I was shaking until he steadied me with a hand on my back.

I shake my head. "No." I can hear my mother now, saying it was my fault for hanging out with the white trash brothers, she'd say it was my fault. And my Dad…he didn't need to know.

"I think she's done enough tonight. If you need to ask her any more questions, please contact me first," Sandy says, holding out his card and shaking the man's hand. "We'll let you know about those charges later, after she's had some time to think it over."

I hate thinking about Trey attacking me. Because that's what it felt like, an attack. He was going to get what he wanted no matter what I wanted. If I hadn't hurt him…I hate thinking about it.

"Come on, Marissa. Let's get you home, your parents are anxious to see you…" Sandy says gently as he put his arm around me again.

"I'm sorry about this…you having to do this for me…how's Ryan?" I haven't asked because I haven't had time. I know Sandy should be with him and Seth instead of with me.

"He's home with Seth, he's fine, Marissa. You did good tonight, you did everything right, okay? You don't have anything to worry about…"

"So, Trey's…"

"Trey's got a nasty bullet hole in his shoulder, he's going to have to wear a sling for a few weeks," Sandy says, opening the door to the station and letting me out onto the street.

I was going home. Not jail. Not a mental hospital. Home.

"Marissa?"

"Daddy…" It feels so good to have his arms around me again.

"You okay?"

I nod into his shoulder because I can't talk through my tears.

654564674/----3241654641+-------4654635465464-----

I'd finally dozed off with the door half opened at my mother's request when I hear my cell phone's chime.

I pick it up automatically. "Hello?"

"Hey." Ryan.

"Hey."

"You okay?" He asks with a quiet hoarse voice. God. I love him so much and he's hurting…he's never going to forgive me…

"Fine, are you? You were…bleeding." And choking.

"I'm okay. Sore."

"I'm sorry…"

"None of this was your fault."

I've never met anyone like Ryan. No one's ever loved me like he does. I don't know what I'll do if he hates me for what I've done.

"I tried…"

"Marissa, I didn't even know you were there…I had blacked out before that…I got my vision back right before the gun went off…"

God…

"I think I was dying…he was killing me, Marissa…"

"I know…"

"Thank you for…for coming after me. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't got there…I don't want to think about it…"

"Then don't."

"Your parents…are they upset?"

"Of course. How're yours?" I know they're not his real parents, but he knows.

"You know Sandy took Kirsten to rehab today, right?"

"What?" I'm awake now. Kirsten?

"She was drinking. A lot."

"Did you know?"

"I…I mean, it's like everyone drinks here. She just…always was drinking. It wasn't like with my mom where she'd get angry and get into fights…she was quiet. But…I think that's what happened when she crashed the car. Sandy's worn out."

"I'm so sorry, Ryan…"

"It was a bad day."

I listen to him breathe for a long time. I close my eyes. "Are we okay?"

"Yes. I…I love you, Marissa."

"I love you, too."

"Call me tomorrow. Sandy's not letting me go anywhere."

"Good. You need to rest, you…you looked really hurt tonight…can I see you?"

"Seth says you're my bodyguard so I think you're allowed."

I hear him muffle the phone. "What? No, I'm fine…I'm…"

"Marissa? Is that you?" Sandy's voice asks.

"Hi, Sandy."

"He'll call you tomorrow, he has to rest. You should get some sleep, too."

"Okay. Bye."

654564674/----3241654641+-------4654635465464-----

I wake up to the sound of my phone again. I can't find it immediately, finally I discover it under my pillow but I recognize the Cohen's phone number and answer it. "Hello?"

"Marissa, it's Sandy."

"Hi…is everything okay?"

"I wanted to apologize for last night. For making you hang up…"

"It's…"

"While we were at the station, Seth was in charge of taking Ryan to the ER and Ryan made a scene…got into it with the doctors and stormed out. That's why I made him get off the phone…we had just finished arguing and I caught him talking on the phone when he wouldn't answer me."

I can sense Sandy's emotion despite his forced levity.

"I didn't know, he didn't tell me any of that…"

"He's still asleep but I wanted to apologize to you before you got the wrong idea."

"Thanks, Sandy, but you're his dad. If my dad had caught me on the phone, he would have done the same thing."

He chuckles. "Sorry to wake you."

"No, I'm glad you called. I'll talk to him."

"You don't have to do that, honey, we talked it out. He's just upset." I can picture Sandy now, lost without Kirsten trying to run damage control for his kids.

"I'll see you later, Mr. Cohen."

Weird. But enlightening.

654564674/----3241654641+-------4654635465464-----

It is nearly two pm the next afternoon before my parents deem me stable enough to leave the house. They have to pick up Kaitlyn from the airport and didn't want to leave me alone so I'm given permission to go to the Cohens.

Fine with me.

I know I should go with them to support my baby sister. She's going to flip when she sees Mom and Dad together but hopefully she'll understand.

I need to see Ryan. The sad boy on the phone last night was not the same boy that argued with Sandy and ran out of a hospital.

He's upset. And he'd been comforting me on the phone.

A year ago, it would be exactly what I wanted. But I hope that I've grown a little. I have to be there for him, too.

I haven't had a drink. I hadn't accepted my mother's tentative offer of Valium. My sleep had refreshed me. I need to see Ryan.

The front door was open so I knew that things were slightly normal.

"Cohen!"

"Summer? What's going on?" I find my best friend and Seth in the kitchen fighting over a grilled cheese sandwich. She puts it down and turns to hug me

I love Summer so much.

Seth grabs the sandwich and waits until we've greeted each other to lick the top slice of bread. "It's mine now."

Summer huffs, pissed. "I'm so glad you're here, Coop, it'll be nice to have some intelligent company for once."

Summer and Seth. A match made in snark heaven. Sometimes I think the only reason they're together is because no one else can keep up with their sarcastic quips.

They're definitely entertaining. "Is Ryan here?"

"In the poolhouse. Brooding," Seth answers, sobering immediately as he starts to make another sandwich for Summer. "Want a sandwich?"

"No thanks. Can I see him?"

"You can try, he's kind of…grumpy," Seth said.

"Seth, he's got a right to be upset. His brother fucked him, and from what I can tell, his brother's always fucked him," Summer says, holding my hand. She always gets all touchy-feely after drama. She wouldn't stop hugging me after Tijuana so I'm used to it. I think we draw strength from each other. "Chino has always had a trust problem and speaking as someone who can seriously identify with that, nothing hurts worse than giving someone a second chance and having them betray you all over again…"

I can tell that they need to talk when Seth's mouth drops open but no words come out. They'll always have issues.

"I'm going to go talk to him. Don't leave before we can talk, okay?"

Summer nods.

I can hear Seth start to talk as soon as I'm out of the door. I wonder if they'll break up again this week.

The blinds are all down in the poolhouse. Like after Oliver when he couldn't even look me in the eye. I can't take that happening again.

God, it was only a couple of days ago that he tried to kiss me and I freaked out. I can't do that again. Ryan is not Trey, he's nothing like Trey. I can't do that.

I knock softly.

"Go away."

"Ryan?" I push open the door slightly. "It's Marissa."

"Hey…" he calls from the bed, sitting up and slowly moving to get up.

"Don't get up, I'll come to you." God, he's bruised. His neck, his face, his arms. I go to the bed and sit down beside him.

Ryan's the hardest person to read. I think I know him pretty well after all we've gone through but sometimes I still can't read his signals. I misjudge sometimes when he's willing to be touched and when he wants to talk. If he's having a bad day, it's not a good idea to surprise him with human contact. I don't know what happened when he was a kid but sometimes he acts just like I did after the almost-rape.

I have to touch him for my own sanity though. I reach out and take his hand, lacing my fingers with his. His knuckles are bruised and raw.

"Hey," he says, not smiling.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Sore," he answers.

"I didn't ask how you feel, I asked how you are. Talk to me?"

He meets my gaze with pained blue eyes. "I can't."

He can't? Last night he said we were okay and now he can't talk to me? I won't panic. "Ryan…just try…"

He takes a deep breath and lets go of my hand, running his hand across his battered face. "It's just…fucking Trey…I'm still so mad at him…but I'm more mad at myself for trusting him…he always does it, he always tries to ruin me, he's done it since I was a kid…he'd lie about my girlfriends, lie about my mom, he's…he's a liar and I knew that…I knew what kind of person he is…"

"Ryan…" I reach out to pull him into a hug, but he shakes me off.

"No. This is my fault. I should have told Sandy no right off when he asked if I wanted Trey here, I should have stood up to him and not let my guilt get in the way…"

"Guilt?"

"He went to jail, I came here…" Ryan mutters.

"Ryan, that stuff was out of your control, it was his fault you got arrested in the first place…" I can tell he's upset because he's twisting everything around in his head.

"I just…I don't want to talk about it. I can't…I just…will you just sit with me a little while?" he asks, shutting down.

I nod and shift so I'm sitting beside him. He settles back against the bed and closes his eyes. I wrap my arms around him gently and curl my body around him. He sighs and puts his arm around me and pulls me closer.

I can hear his heart beat. Slow, steady.

I have to be patient. He'll work it out. It's something he has to do for himself. I can't make him forgive himself. I almost wish he'd hate me instead because it's just wrong for him to be feeling like it's all his fault.

"I would never hurt you," he whispers.

"I know."

"Do you? You don't think I'm going to snap one day…"

"No. You have never hurt me, Ryan. Not like that…you…you're nothing like him."

"You haven't known me that long…"

I sit up and make him look at me. "I know you better than he does. I know that you have the most beautiful heart and you'd do anything for the people you love and that your trust is the most wonderful thing in the world to have…"

"Marissa…" he starts.

"No. I won't let you compare yourself to him because there's no comparison. You grew up in the same place with the same parents, but he decided to be just like them and you changed your life, you learned from your mistakes and theirs…" I stop myself before I go too far.

He's silent but thoughtful. I lie down beside him again and I'm relieved when he pulls me close.

"Stay."

"I'm not going anywhere."

654564674/----3241654641+-------4654635465464-----

I wake up breathless with Ryan's arms around me.

"Shh…shh…it's just a bad dream…" his fingers run through my hair and I immediately feel better.

I keep dreaming about Trey and the look on his face when I shot him. The blood and Ryan's choking face.

"You okay?" Ryan murmurs when I pull him close.

"I am now…did I wake you?"

"I haven't been able to sleep much lately."

I glance outside and see that its night. "What time is it?"

"Late. After eight. Sandy called your parents, I think. Said you were sleeping. They said for you to call when you wake up."

"You talked to Sandy?"

"He came out to try and get us for dinner a little while ago."

"Why didn't you wake me?" I ask.

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really, but…I would have gone with you," I say.

"I didn't really want to go inside. Seth's a little too…manic for me. I just can't deal with him right now."

I can see how Seth could be a little overwhelming, he's always overwhelming. Ryan has the patience of a saint but he'll rather avoid him than ask him to let up on his babbling.

"Did you tell Sandy that?"

"Sandy's got enough on his mind," Ryan sighs.

I hold him tightly. I hope it makes him feel better. I lean back and look into his eyes. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. Just…not today," he replies honestly.

I kiss him softly, testing the waters to see if it's too soon. He's hesitant at first but after a moment he responds, pushing his tongue into my mouth.

He tastes so good, he's delicious, I love kissing him.

Moments like this, it's like we're the only people in the world. He puts his hand on the back of my head like he knows I like. He's so gentle but his kisses are so urgent…

"You want to forget about all this for a little while?" I whisper, out of breath.

"I don't know if I'm up for it tonight…" he admits.

But I lower my hand to his crotch and I can tell his body disagrees. "I'll be gentle."

He smiles slightly and I see a flicker of the boy I love in his eyes. "I'll lock the door…"

"No, don't get up." I hop off the bed and lock the door, checking to make sure that no one's in the backyard.

"Marissa…"

"No." I need to do this. I love him. I want to be with him. I want to show him how important he is to me. He is not Trey. I told him that earlier and now I have to prove it.

I slowly slip my jacket off and pull my tank top over my head. There's a faded scar from his brother's fingers but it's mostly gone. I step out of my skirt and glance up to see him looking at me.

"You're so beautiful…"

We've only slept together a couple of times but we fit together. I don't know if it's because my last significant other was a girl, but I love having him inside me. It's like nothing else in the world.

I walk over and gently, making sure not to hurt him, pull off his shirt. His chest is bruised and scarred but I try to kiss his pain away, sucking one of his nipples into my mouth as he starts to run his hands up and down my body, unclasping my bra and freeing my breasts.

"So beautiful…" he murmurs.

He's wearing sweatpants and as I dip my hand into the waistband, I notice that he's not wearing underwear.

"Do you always go commando?" I tease as I wrap my fingers around his impressive cock and tug his pants down so I have easy access.

He laughs slightly. "You don't have to…"

"I think the full event might be a little much for you tonight, Ryan, so let me try and make you forget for a little while, okay?" I lower my mouth to his cock and lick its length until he groans.

"You're a tease…"

"Don't tempt me," I say.

I haven't told anyone except Summer, but I've been reading back issues of Cosmo to try and find ways to make this amazing sex better. It used to seem disgusting to me, some of the things, but now that I'm with Ryan, I'll do anything to make him groan like that. His body is my playground. I take his balls into my mouth and his entire body shivers as I stroke his cock with my hand.

"God…" he whispers.

I stroke him faster and take his length in my mouth and he raises his hips automatically. Boys, instinctively trained to fuck.

"Don't stop…" he moans and I work harder to get him off, sucking softly and squeezing his sensitive sac with my hand.

I'm getting hot, too, but I want to get him off first.

His hand tangles in my hair and pulls my head away gently.

"You told me not to stop…"

"It's a little unfair don't you think?" he asks, panting with restraint. His eyes are glazed with lust and I love that he wants me so much.

"You sure that you can…"

"It'll be worth the pain," he smiles, kissing me. We kiss for a few delicious minutes before I pull away with a grin.

I know where he keeps the condoms so I put my hand on his chest to keep him from moving. I take one out of the package and slide it over his throbbing dick.

"You don't mind me taking the reins, do you?"

"God, no…" he said.

I was careful as I straddled him and lowered myself. His dick fit me like a glove and it feels so good once he's completely inside me, despite the slight pain from his size.

We've never done it in this position before, but I like it a lot. He fills me completely and I can tell that he's enjoying it as I start to ride his dick slowly. He keeps his eyes on me, licking his lips. I grind my hips in a circular motion, enjoying the friction and feeling my orgasm come closer.

"Marissa…" he moans and I lean forward and kiss him, and start to ride him faster and faster until he comes and I come and everything is perfect.

654564674/----3241654641+-------4654635465464-----

TBC