AN: Very smutty section ahead. Sex and bad language,

"Fuck…"

I hear his muttered words and it wakes me up. "Hmm?"

"It's Sandy, he's at the door," Ryan says.

I scramble across the room, pulling on my clothes as I come across them leading in a line from the bed to the door. I straighten my clothes as best I can and glance back at Ryan who has covered himself with the blankets and hidden his clothes.

Sandy knocks again and I unlock the door and let him in. "Hey, Sandy…we fell asleep."

Sandy glances at her and then at Ryan. "Could you give me a few minutes with Ryan now that you're awake? You should call your parents. You can stay in the guest room with Summer."

I nod and give Ryan a sympathetic glance before hurrying from the poolhouse barefoot.

"You got busted too?" Summer asks me when I walk into the kitchen.

"Busted?"

"Mr. Cohen totally caught me and Cohen…horizontal," Summer replies, her cheeks red.

I can't stop myself from laughing but I give her a hug. "That sucks, Sum. I had time to get dressed, but I think he knows that…"

"You and Ryan…you guys are horizontal?" Summer asks. "After…"

"I…I needed to make him feel better…make me feel better," I answer her as I grab a glass out of the cabinet for some juice.

Summer smiles at me. "I'm happy for you, Coop. You guys deserve a little fun-time, you know?"

"You and Seth, too. The other night…that was so fucking scary…"

"I didn't know what had happened, we heard the gunshot…"

A shudder rushes through me as I remember.

"And then Ryan and Trey were both on the floor and you…you scared me, Coop…"

"I scared myself. I shot someone…" I did. I shot someone.

"You saved your boyfriend's ass is what you did, girl. You went all Trinity on Trey's Smith, Marissa…" Summer teases.

"So you're saying that Ryan's the One?"

"Isn't that what you've always said?" she replies, raising one of her eyebrows.

"You're so stupid," I say.

"What are you guys doing?" Seth yawns, walking in.

"You dad busted Marissa in Ryan's room, too," Summer answers.

"Ouch, with Mom out of the house, his sex alarm must be working overtime…that's gross even to me, I need to go brush my teeth," Seth says.

"Well, since none of us seem to be sleeping, maybe your dad would approve of us watching some tv?" Summer suggests.

"He'll probably be with Ryan a while, go on into the living room and I'll gather us some snacks," Seth offers.

Summer puts her arm around me and we walk into the family room. We sit down and she flips on the TV, settling onto the Lifetime channel for a few minutes. "Seth'll make us change it. How's Ryan, Coop? Cohen's really worried about him, says he won't talk to him."

"Ryan's upset. Like, he's got everything all twisted in his head, he thinks its his fault that Trey came here…Ryan always thinks everything's his fault…"

"He talks to you, doesn't he?" Summer asks.

I nod.

"He doesn't talk to anyone else, Coop. He's going to really need you…are you going to be able to be there for him?"

I know she's not being mean, she's asking me stuff I need to think about. Can I be the strong one this time? Can I avoid the bottle and be Ryan's friend first instead of his needy girlfriend?

"I'm going to try my best, Sum. I…I love him and he's here for even though he's thoroughly fucked up so I have to return the favor," I tell her.

"I think you guys are really going to do it this time. You've both grown up a lot and…I think you guys are finally friends first. Believe me, being friends is the hardest part, there's times every day that I just want to rip Seth's hair out…but I don't think the sex would be as good if he was bald," she whispers.

Summer's so funny, but I get her understated wisdom. Ryan and I worked hard at being friends. Now we're so much more. It's almost like this time is the first time we've really put everything we have into our relationship. I love him. I'll do anything for him.

"Did he say anything about Seth? As to why he's being all agoraphobic?" Summer asks, solemn again.

"He says that Seth's a little overwhelming right now. Like, even when I was there, he opened up a little and then he just wanted to be quiet. I think he just needs quiet, I don't think it has anything to do with Seth."

"Talking about me already?" Seth asks, walking in with a big bowl of chips and bottled juices. "Lifetime? Not in my house, change it, change it!"

Summer tosses him the remote with a roll of her eyes.

My mom wakes me up off the couch the next morning beside Summer and Seth and announces that I have to see my therapist for an emergency session. I don't get to see Ryan all day, between my shrink and my parents taking my sister and me shopping at the plaza to cheer us up.

It's a generally surreal day, seeing my mom and dad in all their puppy love bliss is strange.

And now, it's after ten and Ryan's phone is going straight to voicemail.

I'm worried about him. Really worried. Summer called earlier and told me that Sandy had asked her to give him a day with the boys. But I know that Ryan would call and that Sandy wouldn't keep him from calling me. Something's wrong. I hope nothing's wrong.

"Marissa?"

"Hey, Kaity." My sister has grown a lot in her year away at boarding school. She's the same size as Summer and she carries herself with a confidence much like her mother but without the bitch factor. "Come in."

"I'm allowed in your room now? Are you a pod-person like mom and dad?" she asks, coming in and sitting down beside me on the bed.

"God, it's weird isn't it?"

"Yeah. I mean, at first I was pissed when Mom shipped me off and Dad took off, but after a couple of weeks I was really glad to be out of this place. It's like a bubble, there's so much more to life than the fucking Newport elite, you know?"

"Wow, Kaity, you really liked school, didn't you?" My baby sister hasn't talked to me like this in years. After the divorce, she'd barely tolerate me and my overdose and schizo boyfriend hadn't helped our relationship.

To my surprise, she leans back and splays her arms across the bed. "I don't want to go back, Marissa. You had all those problems with Ryan and Luke and Oliver, even though I told you he was batshit, and I never understood any of it, but…I can't go back to school…"

For a minute I think she's losing her mind because I don't understand any of that. Then I look at her sad face and unkempt ponytail. "What's his name?"

"Britt. He's such a dick. God, I liked him so much, we snuck out and went to this concert and he kissed me in the parking lot…it was so nice, 'Rissa…" she smiles.

I lean back and lie beside her. This is just what I need right now. No gunshots, no tears, no blood. Lighthearted and innocent memories.

"What happened?"

"This bitch, Lauren, she transferred in and her dad's some kind of senator or something and she's got a guitar. A fucking guitar. So Britt…Britt said goodbye to me and then was on the cover of the school paper the next day with Lauren and her fucking guitar…"

"I'm so sorry, Kaity. Britt's a dick."

"Yeah. So, it'll be like a new start for me this summer. What about you? Did you…did you really shoot somebody?"

"It's…it wasn't like that…"

"I heard Dad talking to Mom and he said you had to do it and that he was proud of you. I just don't get how he loves you so much that you can shoot a guy and still not get into trouble and I'm grounded for getting a little piercing…" Kaitlyn sighs.

"You got a piercing?"

She lifts her shirt and shows a cute little stud in her navel.

"Cute, Kaity. And…and I did shoot someone…" Its different telling it to my little sister and not to a policeman. It's more important now. "But…it's complicated."

"Tell me, then. Everybody's talking about it and I'd like to hear it from you instead of those little Newport bitches," Kaity says, oddly concerned.

"You remember Ryan, right?"

"You're back with Ryan? I bet Mom flipped," Kaity grins.

I laugh. "Not so much. She's a pod, I think, like you said…" She motions with her hands for me to go on. "Ryan and I got back together…and he had this brother that got out of jail that came to stay in Newport too…"

"Hot felon? This is getting interesting…." she giggles.

"At first it was fine, but Trey, that's Ryan's brother…and you can't tell anyone about this, okay? Not mom or dad, nobody, all right?"

Kaity nods emphatically, sensing the seriousness.

"When Ryan went out of town, Trey…he tried to attack me…he tried…"

"Oh, god, did he rape you? You should've shot the bastard!" she exclaims.

"No, no, he didn't get that far, I hit him and ran away…and I didn't tell anyone…and when Ryan found out, he went over to Trey's…"

"I hope he kicked his ass," she says, taking my hand impulsively. "That sucks…"

"Well, I didn't want Ryan to get hurt so when Seth called, I went over…Trey, he was killing Ryan and I had to do something…"

"God, Rissa, I didn't know…I know everyone thinks I'm still a kid…but no more than you are…that's so awful…are you all right?"

"I'm fine. It…it was really scary."

"I won't tell anyone about what he tried to do to you…that's so awful, though…"

"Enough about me. I want to hear more about your year," I say. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

"But…"

"It's still pretty raw, Kaity."

"Oh, I get it. But I'm here now and it would be really cool if I could hang out with you a little…we could fight off the Newport bitches together…"

"Sounds like a plan," I say, embracing her. I've missed having a sister, I don't know if I've ever really considered how precious it is to have another person that knows what it's like to grow up with Julie the bitch and Jimmy the thief.

I still can't imagine what Ryan's going through knowing that he's lost his brother. Another link to his past severed.

"Marissa?"

"Hey, baby," I smile, glancing at my clock. Ten a.m. He hadn't called last night. I'd finally fallen asleep between Summer and my sister watching old Valley DVD's. They must've left sometime in the night.

"Hey. Do you think you can come over?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Just…Sandy and I have been arguing all morning and he left with Seth and I'm not supposed to go anywhere…but I don't really want to be alone either…"

"I'll be right over, Ryan, just give me a chance to get a shower and change and I'll be there."

"I'll be in the big house. I'll make us lunch."

"Why are you fighting with Sandy?"

"I…it's nothing. I'm being stupid. But I want to make dinner so I can, sort of, make amends. Are you in? Mind hanging out with a bitchy boyfriend?"

"Have a cup of coffee and think about what you're going to cook for me and we'll talk."

He's trying to be flippant and upbeat, but I can hear what he's not saying. He's hurting. He hates arguing with Sandy and in his depressed state; it had to be pretty important for him to actually argue about it. I have to go to him. He called me, I have to go. He's always come for me.

"Thanks. I'll see you soon."

I take a long shower despite my urgency. I want to be pretty for him. I want to be my best even though it doesn't matter to me. He's seen me almost dead in an alley, he's seen me strung out in the hospital, he's seen me in every way. I have to be prepared for anything.

I go for comfort though when I'm getting dressed. I pick a loose blue cotton skirt and a frilly pink tank top with my favorite sneakers.

"Marissa? Where are you going?" Dad stops me by the front door with a newspaper in his hand. Even though he doesn't work with money anymore, he still reads the stock market page every day. At least there's some small stability in her life.

"Over to see Ryan. I'll call if I'll be late, but I'm probably having dinner over there…"

"Honey, we've barely had time to talk about what happened…how you're doing. How about you stay home today?"

I hear the click of my mother's heels and she appears and I can tell that she heard what he said. She gives me a pointed look.

"I'm sorry, Dad, I just need to be with Ryan. He's really upset and he's home all alone. If it was me, you wouldn't want me to be alone, would you?" I look into his eyes with my best pleading look.

Of course he gives in and my mother smiles at me from behind him. She needs another day to sink her claws into Dad further and I've just given it to her.

But he's a big boy. I don't want him meddling in my life so I'm not going to meddle in his. I learned last year that my parents are going to do what they want.

"Be careful. And call if you're going to be past eleven, okay?"

"Thanks, Daddy," I say, embracing him. He's a good dad most of the time.

I hurry to my car and the drive the short distance to Ryan's house. I'm too rushed to even turn on the radio, it's all I can do to keep the speedometer under 85. The driveway's empty and the door's closed so I ring the doorbell.

"Hey," he grins, flashing his teeth as he opens the door. He's in a pair of torn jeans hanging low on his hips and a wife-beater with a whole in the collar.

His bruises have darkened but he's still beautiful to me. I put my fingers on his cheek and trace his jaw. He's got a little stubble but as I kiss him, I like the feeling of it brushing against my cheeks.

"Nice to see you, too," I say when we finally separate. I didn't expect him to be so…happy to see me. I thought he was upset, but…

He puts his rough hands on my elbows and spins me toward the stairs as he kicks the door closed. "I know I promised you lunch, but the truth is…I think I'm hungrier than you are and…I really need to do this right now…"

I let him guide me a couple of steps before he puts one hand on my back and lowers me to sit on the stairs.

"Can I…" he starts, his eyes twinkling as his fingers took the hem of my skirt.

"Ryan, what…"

He pushed my skirt up and I felt his tongue licking at the thin fabric of my thong. My hips bucked automatically. I take back whatever I said about boys being instinctively trained to fuck because my body wants him inside me…

He pushes the fabric aside finally and his tongue begins to lap at my juices. I can't stop myself, he's…god, its so fucking hot and I put my hands on his head, trying to get him to go faster, deeper…

His hands settle on my breasts and he begins to squeeze them gently as he probes deeper with his tongue, driving me wild. His thumbs flick across my nipples and I cry out as I climax with his tongue still inside me.

He keeps licking me, his tongue tracing my inner thighs before leaning back and looking at me. "Thanks…I needed to do that…"

"Ryan…" I push myself up on my elbows and he leans back further against the wall. I can see his hard-on pressing against his jeans. I make my way to him and lace my legs around him, crossing my ankles behind his ass as he leans forward to kiss me. I taste myself on him and it just makes me more convinced that I want to fuck his brains out until we pass out.

I don't stop kissing him but my hand finds his crotch and I squeeze it in anticipation. He moans into my mouth and I unzip his jeans.

"Still commando…just how I like it," I laugh as I grip him firmly in my hand.

"It was laundry day," he says, breathing hard.

I fumble in his pockets with my free hand until I find a condom. He was expecting me.

I stroke his dick and watch as his face twists in pleasure. "Open your eyes, baby," I hear myself saying. I put the opened condom in my mouth and adjust myself so I can lower my mouth to his cock.

"God…"

I roll the rubber over his cock with my mouth and I swear it gets bigger as I force myself to let it slip down my throat so I can secure it at the base of his cock.

Before he can respond, I release it from my mouth and replace my legs around him and lower myself onto his full length.

He puts both hands on my ass and controls our rhythm, and we fuck each other desperately, it's the only way to describe it, we were fucking. My skirt was hiked up and my panties pushed aside and he was still in his jeans, only his cock exposed and it was buried in my pussy so it really didn't count.

"Kiss me…" he whispers and I wrap my arms around him and it's like we're connected, we're completely together in our frantic thrusts and as he grunts into my mouth I feel myself climax harder than ever before, I swear I see stars and my heart's beating entirely too fast for it to be normal.

We stay like that for a while. Sitting entwined in the floor, kissing each other in the afterglow, both of us a little too spent to get up. I'm dizzy when he finally turns his face away and buries his face into my shoulder.

I put my hand on the back of his head and run my fingers through his hair. "What happened today, baby?"

"They went to see Kirsten. I didn't want to go. Sandy couldn't understand my decision and I couldn't put it into words…and they left, both pissed at me…and I…I just needed to see someone that isn't going to judge me right now…"

"I'm not going to judge you…" But I'm definitely thinking. Why wouldn't he want to see Kirsten? There's obviously some stuff he's not telling me. He loves Kirsten.

"Let's go get cleaned up. I still have to make you lunch," he says.

"Can we get cleaned up together? You look like you're still in a lot of pain…let me play nursemaid for a while?"

His eyes flash with a smile.

If he needs the distraction, I'm going to give it to him. We'll have time to talk, but right now I feel like I need to get as close to him as he'll let me. We'll talk later.

He puts both hands behind me and keeps my legs wrapped around him as he gets to his feet. "Shower it is."

After another mind-blowing interlude in the shower, I settle down on one of the stools, sore but sated. Ryan was chopping something at the far end of the counter and it was hot watching him cook. He moved with such skill, such confidence.

"What are you making me?"

"Well, right now, I'm chopping the mushrooms for a pizza. You like pizza, right?"

God, Ryan's pizzas are heavenly. My mouth's watering just thinking about it.

He laughs. "Good. I know you like mushrooms and I'm putting on a lot of cheese, it should be ready in about half an hour."

"I can't believe you make pizza homemade."

"Frozen crust and tomato sauce," he says, his voice husky as he leans in for a kiss.

"It's still homemade," I insist. No one brought it to him, ready to eat. That's homemade.

He smiles. I love it when he smiles.

I'm avoiding the inevitable, though. "Ryan…will you tell me why you didn't want to see Kirsten?"

He hesitates and a flash of annoyance runs across his face but it's replaced with regret. "I…did I tell you about the intervention?"

I shake my head. I haven't heard about an intervention. Harsh.

"We all cornered her, with the rehab guy and we had to tell her how her drinking was hurting us and how we wanted her to get help…"

"God, Ryan…"

"And before I could even say anything, she said…she said that I wasn't allowed to say anything because she let me in this house…like I'm nothing to her, Marissa…and I know it was just the alcohol, the hurt talking, and I still love her…god, she's like a mother to me…but I didn't want to see her. I mean, it was like two of the people that I really trusted me fucked me over these past few days…I just wanted a break…"

"I get it." And I do. Kirsten hurt him. How could he explain that to Sandy when Sandy loved Kirsten so much? I get off my stool and walk over and take the knife from him and take both his hands. "Hey. I get it."

"You don't think I'm being cruel to her? I mean…don't I get a break, too? I just…I need a day off, Marissa…"

"We've got it. Your day off. Come on. We'll eat pizza and lock the poolhouse down and fuck like rabbits until the neighbors call the police," I offer. I have to make him feel better.

"I wish I could, but…I should do something to apologize to Sandy. He's pretty angry and…I don't want to fight with him…we'll have pizza, start dinner…maybe take a break in the hot tub and then…" he smiles. "We'll be stress free by the time they get home."

"The hot tub? Ryan, the Cohens have probably…" I start. He wrinkles his face in disgust.

"Never mind…"

"How about just a break…we'll pick the location later, all right?"

"Deal. Now, I have to put the pizza in the oven. Go put some music on," he smiles.

He's so sweet. But so fragile. He's in so much pain but everyone's so used to seeing him as indestructible that they're not catching on.

But I'm here for him. I'll hold him together.