Disclaimer: Takouji obsession leads to no owning Digimon

Author's Notes: You know, sometimes it really helps to go back and read some of the previous stuff you've written? (Like in this case, Eternity... grins ) Cause now I've just got a few more ideas for this... winks mischievously . That, and listening to all the Evanescence music lately have gotten my muses pondering on where to go to next on this...

A lot of you reviewers were so close to naming Kouji's stalker, but only one of you actually got it right...and I applaud that person and she knows exactly who she is. (I'm not giving out any names because I know that there are many of you out there who haven't figured it out yet...and yes, there will be more revealed in this chapter-and things will pretty much keep on revealing themselves as the fic continues now.) However, figuring out who Kouji's stalker is, is only the tip of the iceberg...there's a lot more left to figure out...that reviewer has just started to unravel the madness my muses have planned. I'm not going to explain here why I had Kouji break the kiss he had started with Takuya in the last chapter (as I know all of you were probably cursing me quite a bit at that part... sweat-drops nervously and hides behind Kouji, using him as a shield ) because well, I thought it would be just so much more fun to allow the story itself to explain...as I'm now having way to much fun with this fic...can't you tell? grins and wanders off to let muses do their jobs

Rating: PG13

Warning: Contains yaoi...slash...male/male pairings...little hints of yuri here and there...whichever way you look at it, if you don't like that kind of stuff I recommend that you turn around now or forever hold your peace. You've been for warned. ;P

Pairings: Takuya/Kouji, Koichi/Izumi, Taichi/Yamato, previous hints of Ruki/Juri, and also hints of Rei/Katsume

Time Setting: Five years after Eternity-first story

Forevermore

Author: Angel Spirit

Chapter 10: Kouji's Confession

Kouji raised his hand and turned it into a light fist as he gently knocked on the wooden door before him.

Nothing but silence greeted him, so he waited for a few seconds before he tried once more. This time, he knew he was successful as he heard someone grumbling on the other side.

Within a couple of seconds the door was slowly opened, and Kouji gave the girl on the other side of the door a small smile of apology-as it look liked he'd disturbed her from a nap she'd been taking-or trying to take anyway.

Dark blue green eyes eyed Kouji with a momentary dislike, before the teen sighed.

"What?" For a few seconds, Kouji was taken aback...but then he sighed. This meant that they'd had another fight again-for it was the only time she ever really acted like this.

"Katsume...I was looking for Rei." The best way to deal with Katsume after the blonde had had a fight with Rei, was just to be straight to the point. It usually meant that you wouldn't have to deal with her anger for long...and when Katsume was angry, the best thing to be done was usually to avoid her.

But in Kouji's case, it couldn't be helped.

Katsume's eyes narrowed so that Kouji could hardly see her blue green orbs, before she let out a soft growl.

"I don't know where she is...I think she might've gone for a run or something...besides, why should I care? I'm not her babysitter." Something about those words caused Kouji to start for a second, as he found himself staring at Katsume for several minutes before she sighed angrily.

"Is there anything else you need? I don't have all the time in the world to be standing here you know." Kouji blinked as he shook his head and Katsume only closed the door on him in response.

Great...Katsume and Rei were fighting...again. Kouji thought as he turned and headed back toward his dorm room-before remembering why he'd gone to see Rei in the first place, and let out a low, angry growl of his own. It was too late to go out searching for Rei...and Kouji knew that she wouldn't get into too much trouble on her own. Besides, she had to come back soon anyway...from what he understood from Takuya, Rei had all the money for the pizza.

And yet another reason to have to go out looking for her. But with all the weirdness that had been going on lately, Kouji knew that his twin, Izumi and everyone else who had been involved with his well-being as of late would not be too happy with him if they found out that he'd gone out by himself so late into the night.

And he suppressed the urge to hit something.

Unfortunately for him, he wasn't watching where he was going and he did hit something-well, more like someone. He landed hard on his rear, and glanced up as he was slowly standing to see that Alec-Koichi's roommate-had landed in the same position, and was grimacing as he was standing up...their eyes meeting at the same time.

"Sorry bout' that Kouji." Alec started out, but Kouji shook his head and gave the light blonde a small smile.

"Nah, it's my fault...hey, you haven't by any chance seen Rei anywhere, have you?" He murmured, and Alec thought for a minute before he shook his head.

"No...but I heard shouting voices earlier...it wasn't Rei and Katsume, was it?" Alec asked, his dark green eyes holding worry in them as Kouji sighed and nodded his head.

"Yeah, it was. I went to go and talk to Rei and ended up having to face an angry Katsume instead." Kouji murmured and Alec winced.

"Ouch. And it's gotten really dark outside-it looks like it's going to rain. There's a couple places I think that Rei could've gone off too...want to come with me and check it out?" Nodding in agreement, the two boys headed down the stairs and quickly slid on their shoes and grabbed their coats before they headed out into the night-Alec also remembered to bring an umbrella just in case.

After checking a couple of Rei's favorite places where both teens knew she usually went off to after an argument with Katsume, and finding out that she wasn't there, Kouji suggested that they check the music hall.

"Yamato's got band practice tonight, I think she sometimes goes and listens to him...she could've gone there." Alec nodded as Kouji led the way...but before they got too far, Kouji felt Alec place a gentle hand on his shoulder and head him off in a slightly different direction.

"Kouji...I was wondering if I could talk to you...alone? Please?" Turning to face Alec and wondering what could possibly be bothering the blonde so much that he had to talk to him of all people, Kouji was surprised to see that Alec was almost in tears...and gently shook his head.

What was going on between his friends lately? It seemed like everyone's life was turning out to be an emotional mess...and his was certainly no exception.

"Yeah-I guess you can. What's wrong?" Sitting down on one of the benches that surrounded the music hall, Kouji faced the teary-eyed Alec as he sighed and shook his head.

"You're going to think I'm a stupid idiot for what I'm about to tell you...I really feel like one myself." Kouji only chuckled at this though.

"My friend, I think we've all been stupid idiots lately in more ways then one...and I most certainly am not exempt from that!" He murmured, as his thoughts suddenly drifted off to the kiss that he'd broken off so hastily with Takuya...even though he knew that he'd enjoyed it...and hadn't wanted to do what he had done. He'd hurt himself, just as much as he had hurt Takuya.

"No...I'm in a bit of a scrape and I really don't know how to get myself out of it. I never thought that it would come down to me actually telling someone-especially as that someone's now going to be you! But...I can't hold it in much longer and I think I'm going to drive myself to the point of insanity...or obsession, whichever one comes first." Now Kouji was more worried about Alec then he was about Rei. What on earth was Alec leading to?

"Promise me you won't hate me, okay Kouji? Please?" Wondering what Alec could possibly be so afraid to tell Kouji, Kouji only nodded.

"I promise you that I won't hate you Alec...so come on...obviously whatever is bothering you, is upsetting you. And I of all people have learned that you can't keep things-especially emotional things-hidden inside you for so long. You can tell me." Alec stared into Kouji's dark gray blue eyes for a few minutes, and Kouji assumed that Alec was probably trying to see if Kouji was telling the truth, before he let out a heavy sigh and lowered his head-as though he were ashamed with himself.

"I'm..." He paused for a moment, trying to gather his bearings...and when he spoke next it was so fast that Kouji almost didn't get a single word of it. But when he finally figured it out...

"I'mgayandIthinkthatI'vefalleninlovew-withyourtwinbrotherexceptthathelovesIzumiandIknowthatheprobablyisn'tgayandit'sdrivingmecrazylivinginthesamedormroomwithhimand-"

Before he could continue on, Kouji held up a hand as he shook his head.

"Wait a minute! SLOW DOWN! I can only translate English..." Alec halted and blushed madly as he turned his head away so that he was looking at anywhere but into Kouji's eyes. As Kouji processed Alec's ramblings, he sighed and gently shook his head as he put a gentle hand on Alec's shoulder and squeezed it lightly.

"My twin is an awesome person...especially once you get to know him really well. And unfortunately you're right...he is in love with Izumi...and Izumi loves him just as much. They're practically inseparable these days. But you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself because you're gay...and I'm sure if you were to tell Koichi exactly what you told me, he'd understand! He's just that way-and don't tell me that I'm wrong because he is my twin, and I know for a fact that he'd accept you for who you are...and probably take it as a great compliment that you like him that way...in fact, if he wasn't with Izumi, he'd probably give you a chance. Trust me, okay?" Alec nodded, and sighed.

"Life sucks." He muttered and Kouji had to chuckle at this as he stood and stretched for a moment, eyeing the darkening clouds above him.

"Tell me about it-trust me also when I say that your situation is nowhere as bad as mine. I feel like my life is nothing but a living hell these days...a nightmare that I wish I could wake up and it would magically be five years ago, and none of what had happened would've happened...and...and I'd still have Takuya." Kouji trembled as he realized that he was ready to cry just about then and was surprised when a warm pair of arms wrapped themselves around him from behind.

"Hey...you alright?" Kouji sighed and nodded as he smiled at Alec's comforting gesture.

"Yeah, I think...I think so." He murmured, and Alec raised an eyebrow that Kouji couldn't see.

"So wait a minute-if I'm thinking correctly...you're still in love with Takuya!" He lightly accused and Kouji bit his lower lip before he hesitantly nodded.

"I'm starting to think I am. But what happened between five years ago and now...let me just tell you that it's a long and complicated story and I think that I'm just not sure how I want to handle it all. And now tonight I've just found out a secret that I think all my friends-and Takuya himself-have been keeping from me. And it scares me even more, because I thought I really did have everything all figured out...I've never been so confused in my life." Kouji admitted, and Alec laughed softly.

"Sounds like you're looking for someone to talk too." Kouji hesitated once more. Alec was a good friend...nothing more, nothing less. But he really didn't think that Alec could understand where he was coming from as much as Rei could.

"Yeah...I do. And that's partially why I went to Rei's and Katsume's dorm room because I wanted to really talk with Rei. I think she'd be able to get a better handle on what it is I've just found out...the funny thing is, is that I was never supposed to find this out...at least, not the way I did." Turning around and causing Alec's arms to fall away from him, he noted that Alec looked slightly crushed that he wasn't really a person who Kouji thought he could talk to, and Kouji gave him a small smile.

"Hey, why don't we go and see if Rei's in the music room-and then maybe the three of us can just talk?" Alec nodded in agreement and the two of them went off into the warmth of the music hall...and as soon as the doors closed behind them, they immediately heard the sounds of Yamato's voice in the nearby distance-as well as the rest of the band playing.

Sure enough, upon entering the room that Yamato and his band practiced in, they saw Rei sitting upon a bunch of mats against the back wall, her knees pulled up and her head was resting upon them. She looked absolutely miserable as she continued to listen to the eerie lyrics of one of the new songs that Yamato was trying out.

She didn't even realize that Alec and Kouji had come up and sat down next to her until the song had ended.

"You okay Rei?" Kouji asked softly, and Rei sighed as she glanced over at him and gave him a curt nod.

"Yeah...I think I can manage. I'm just getting really sick and tired of fighting with her...it seems to be happening more and more often and I have no idea why. It's as though she doesn't even really care about me anymore!" She protested and sighed again as she shook her head.

"Then again you don't want to hear about all of my problems-you've got enough of your own at the moment Kouji." Kouji only nodded in agreement with that as they watched while Yamato talked with the other band members while he put his guitar away in it's case before he waved at them and headed off to where the three teens were currently sitting and flashed them a big grin.

"So, what did you guys think?" Rei nodded at him.

"Awesome...especially for the kind of mood I'm in right now-suits the evening perfectly." Yamato's smile faltered and he sighed.

"Another fight, huh? And no offense Kouji, but you look pretty miserable yourself as well...actually, now that I'm really looking the three of you, all of you seem to be down in the dumps." Kouji actually chuckled at this as Rei snorted, but Alec remained quiet...never quite meeting Yamato's bright blue eyes.

"Come on you three...let's book it out of here and go get something to eat-I'm starving and I promised Taichi that I'd do something for dinner with him tonight. I'm sure he won't mind company though!" The other three nodded and made to follow him, but Rei's eyes opened wide as she realized something she'd forgotten and fingered the money tucked away in one of the pockets in her jeans.

"The pizza! I totally forgot about it!" Rei exclaimed, and Alec now laughed as Kouji's eyes opened wide as well. The delivery guy was bound to have showed up by now...

"Pizza huh? I'm sure that Taichi wouldn't mind that for on, let's see if we haven't missed out...and if we have, then Rei you can just give everyone's money back and we can head over to our dormitory and see what it is that Taichi hasn't ate out of our pantry yet!" So the four of them dashed through the drizzling rain that had started and found themselves incredibly lucky...

As the delivery guy was late...and hadn't shown up yet.

Breathing in a sigh of relief, Rei let them all in as Yamato left to call Taichi and invite him over.

And as the pizza hadn't arrived yet, Alec, Rei, and Kouji managed to snag four of the comfortable chairs in the lounge-and made themselves comfortable as Yamato joined them seconds later with a grin on his face.

"Taichi's coming...and before I forget Rei, this is our contribution to that money stash for our fair share of pizza slices." Rei grinned as Yamato forked over a generous twenty-reminding himself to have Taichi pay him back much later that night-as he settled himself in and stared at the three dismal teens before him and sighed.

"Alright. One of you has got to start...it's the only way to make the evening go better." Yamato pointed out, and the three glanced at each other each one silently debating who should go first.

Finally Alec sighed and threw up his hands.

"Mine's not a big of a deal as Kouji's or Rei's probably...but...I think I've just realized for the first time tonight that I'm gay, and that I really like Kouji's twin. Unfortunately Kouji's twin isn't available, so..." Yamato grinned, his bright blue eyes sparkling with mischief as he leaned over and lightly punched Alec on the shoulder.

"So that just means that Taichi, and myself-and I'm sure with the help of Kouji, Rei, and Takuya will have to set you up with a guy who is! Don't worry about it Alec...Koichi'll understand-and hell, I'm sure that if he swung that way I think he'd probably take you up on your offer!" Even Kouji had to laugh at this as he nodded in agreement.

"See, I told you so Alec!" He murmured as Alec just grinned and shook his head while a small blush appeared across his cheeks.

"So since I've pretty much come clean, who's next?" Alec said, glancing pointedly between Rei and Kouji.

The two looked at each other with a look that would make one think that they were reading each other's minds, before Kouji sighed and lowered his head. He had the feeling that whatever had happened between Rei and Katsume, Rei probably would not be so willing to talk about...especially in front of Alec. It wasn't that Rei didn't trust Alec-oh no...it was just the fact that she wasn't sure if Alec could understand the kind of 'relationship' that she had with Katsume. While many people thought that she and Katsume were an actual couple (and there were plenty of times where Rei wished it to be so) it just never seemed like it was meant to be. And this was one of those times. So, Kouji took a deep breath and started in on his own troubles.

"I...kind of...did something tonight that I don't think I should've done. What happened between Takuya and myself five years ago is a very long story. Basically to make things short and to the point Takuya and I had started our relationship when Takuya found out his parents were getting a divorce-there was a custody battle and his mother lost. But during that custody battle, Takuya stayed with me and we just got closer together. So close that I couldn't bear to be separated by him. But eventually it happened...and I'll leave it at that. I was pretty much a wreck for several days thereafter...heartbroken that he'd left me. I guess a part of me just never quite got over it. So five years later and I never heard a word from Takuya-though I knew for a fact that he kept in touch with my twin and my other friends...Junpei, Izumi, even Tomoki from time to time. Hell, even Shinya-his younger brother-spoke to him more then I ever had! So I guess I'd just given up on him. Until...until I saw him...the first time in my dorm room when I found out that he was my new roommate. I've been having to avoid him because of...well, you guys know. And tonight didn't really help me in avoiding him much-as I went ahead and...and...I...I kissed him." Kouji admitted finally and he saw Rei place her hand over her mouth and Yamato's eyes brightened even more as he tried to hide the smile that threatened to appear.

"Aha! Taichi owes me five bucks!" He grinned happily and the three teens looked at him in amazement as Yamato looked sheepish for a second while he explained himself.

"Um...hehe...sorry Kouji, but Taichi and I figured it out long ago that you and Takuya still obviously liked each other...so we made a bet. I bet Taichi that you'd be the first one to make the move to attempt to get back together and admit it, and Taichi placed his bet on Takuya." Now Yamato was blushing, his normally light complexion now turned a deep red.

Not being able to hold it in any longer, Rei cracked up laughing and almost fell out of her chair at one point-as Alec joined her...all Kouji could do was just look at Yamato. Not quite wondering what to think.

Before he finally shook his head, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"I wasn't that obvious...was I?" He murmured, and Yamato-having joined Rei and Alec with their laughter only nodded as he wiped tears away from his eyes.

"Yep! You sure were! Both of you were equally bad. Taichi told me it was so evident that Takuya still loved you-he figured it out the first day that we met him when we brought you into your dorm room bleeding and unconscious...the look in his eyes was a dead giveaway, and couldn't be missed!" Before Yamato could say anything else, the front door opened and allowed a small gust of wind to blow threw, causing the four to shiver as someone called out:

"PIZZA!" And Rei scrambled to her feet and went to greet a grinning Taichi, who was helping the pizza guy carry in all the boxes...as he'd gotten there just as Taichi had started to walk up the front steps.

The aroma drove the five teenagers to the point of where they were ready to dive into the boxes before Rei had finished paying for it.

And unfortunately for them, Taichi's call started a stampede down the staircase. And Rei had to be careful and allow the people who had actually paid for the pizza to get some first. Those who hadn't would get whatever was leftover-though Rei had the feeling that there was plenty to go around.

However, she-as well as Taichi and Yamato-noted that Koichi and Takuya hadn't come down for food yet...and that Kouji had disappeared.

Sharing a worried look with Taichi and Yamato, the three teens glanced upstairs...and could only wonder about what was to take place.

"Food's here, and I know you paid for some of it." Kouji hadn't bothered to knock as he'd just walked into his dorm room, watching intently as Koichi and Takuya immediately cut off their conversation.

Kouji had put up his barriers-he'd decided that he'd had to if he was going to do what he was planning on doing...and was acting pretty much like he had the first time he'd met Takuya in the Digital World.

He'd directed his statement toward Koichi, who'd tensed up for a moment before he'd nodded and got off his bed that he'd been using to sit on-so he could face Takuya while they talked. Now though, as he passed by Kouji, he didn't say anything...just headed out of the room as he gently shut the door behind him.

It was almost as though Koichi knew exactly what was going to happen.

"Why didn't you tell me!" Kouji hadn't meant to yell it out like that. He really hadn't. But his anger...his anger was still fresh and raw...the pain still there. He hated being the only one to be left in the dark as he had been...while the rest of his friends had all known. And his own twin brother had even known...why in the hell hadn't Koichi told him anything?!?

"What...? Told you what?!?" Takuya yelled back at him, standing up so that they were now staring directly into each other's eyes...dark brown to blue gray...so close...and yet so far away.

But Kouji wasn't about ready to back down. Not yet.

"You...you...I thought that during that whole entire time that you were in New York, that you were living it...that you were just having too good of a time to even think about me, or anyone else you'd left behind! Especially when you never called, wrote any letters, or even sent a simple email!!! But then I find out that you're secretly staying in contact with everyone else...Izumi, Junpei, Koichi, Shinya...hell, even Tomoki! And yet you never once let me know how things were going with you, you never once allowed me to believe that you STILL LOVED ME!" Kouji felt his body start shaking, and Takuya opened his mouth to say something, but Kouji shook his head.

It was all going to come out now. Kouji was getting sick and tired of holding it all in. He was going to say what he had to say...and then let fate take it's course.

"No Takuya...just shut up and let me talk, alright?" Takuya only nodded wordlessly and shut his mouth.

"I...I have something to admit, and I'm not sure how to but I guess I'll just come out with it here and now. I...I overheard you talking to Koichi this afternoon." The shock on Takuya's face was apparent, and Kouji let out a loose, miserable sigh.

"I know it was wrong of me to do so...but...but I never knew....I didn't know...Takuya, and then finding out the way I did, what happened to you in New York...Takuya...why...I just...I just don't know why you didn't want me to be told. Do you want to know why I did this?" Takuya stiffened as Kouji lightly fingered the scars that were on his wrists...from a time not to long ago when he'd slashed them with a razor. Takuya had actually almost forgotten that Kouji had done it.

Now Takuya wanted to close his eyes as he saw the pale scars for the first time...it made him sick seeing them, because he had always felt that he'd been the one who had done it to Kouji. And there had been nothing that he could do to help Kouji, since he'd been in New York...the miserable city that he swore he'd never go back to.

"I'd just led myself further and further into depression...and then one day I just decided...that I didn't want to fight it anymore. I didn't want to fight the fact that I had the feeling that you no longer loved me...that you'd already moved on, despite the fact that you knew that I'd promised you I'd wait for you. So I just gave in and gave up. When I woke up in the hospital...I just wasn't sure what to think anymore. So I turned back into that cold person that everyone had once believed me to be. I placed up every shield and barrier I could think of so no one could hurt me again." Now Kouji had tears in his eyes, but he was refusing to let them fall.

"And you want to know something?" Takuya was surprised to find himself nodding at Kouji's question. He wasn't sure if he was going to like what it was that Kouji was going to tell him next, but a part of him knew that he had to know.

"Everyone thought that I was back to normal-acting like 'myself' again. But Takuya...in all truth and honesty-you've broken down every last barrier that I could've possibly raised...you've done it again. And I wasn't supposed to let that happen. I'm not supposed to love you. I can't, I don't know why I can't, but I want to love you so badly, that it's not fair!!! And then when Hirotaka kissed me on the stairs earlier today...I just...I found myself wishing that it was you. You're the only thing I can think about lately, the only person who I want to be with. And I hate myself for it because I feel weak...and yet at the same time...at the same time I love you. But I hate you because I know that you love me back as well even though you never once let me know it after five years. I'm so confused!!!" With that, Kouji spun out of the room and dashed off...leaving behind a very stunned Takuya in his wake.

But it wasn't long before Takuya came to his senses, and went dashing after him...

TBC