Mob was thirsty.
She needed to drink something. Coke always made her thirsty, sweaty and warm and thirsty, but it also sometimes upset her stomach. Shimazaki had said that it happened, sometimes you got nauseous, and the best thing for that was to smoke. Well Mob had been smoking and smoking and smoking but the sick feeling didn't go away. It must have been the coke, that was the only thing that had been different. She hadn't drank anything other than water and milk and she hadn't eaten anything…so it must have been the coke.
Somehow something that made her feel good could also make her feel bad.
Sort of like when she got too drunk. That used to happen a lot when he had been a kid, like when she had been eight or nine, before she knew her limits. Minegishi was always telling her about how she had to use moderation but only Minegishi's version. They had their own limits and she had hers. They were different people and what worked for them wouldn't always work for her. They just didn't get that. They still treated her like she was a kid. She wasn't. She was almost thirteen years old. That wasn't a kid. She could decide for herself what she did and did not to with her body.
Right now it needed water.
Mob tried to get a glass of water as quietly as she could. Sho was home. He must have been asleep by now. He needed his sleep, he was still little. He was…well not that much younger than her, but also a lot younger than her at the same time. He was the little brother and she was the big sister. She could stay up late but not him…well she had taken his bedtime away…but maybe he needed one. She didn't know. She didn't want to worry about Sho right now. She loved him but she just really needed water. She forced herself to worry about being quiet instead of worrying about Sho's bedtime. If he was awake then he was awake. Dying of thirst was a much more pressing problem than Sho being away this late at night.
She drank her water.
She had opened the cabinet as quietly as possible, gotten her glass out as quietly as possible, poured her water as quietly as possible, and now she drank as quietly as possible. She could hear it in her head, the water, the way it sloshed around in her mouth and ran down her throat. She could hear everything. The beating of her heart, the loud way she had been breathing, the ringing in her brain. She could hear everything and she could feel everything. Even her aura. She could feel her aura against her skin. What was it that Dad had called it? Her metaphysical self? It was like touching her skin with her other skin but like…like if it had also not been her skin. Like if she had turned her skin inside out and then touched the outside of herself with her inside out skin….or something….
Her stomach hurt.
It was a combination of the water and her weird thoughts about taking skin off and putting it back on, she decided. Drinking the water in a different country was always a gamble, Minegishi had said, and Mob…well she could admit that it tasted different in different places. Normally she drank milk but right now even the thought of a cold glass of strawberry milk made her stomach feel like it had…what was it called? The part of the washing machine that went back and forth and moved the clothes around? Well that was what she felt like. It was like there was something inside of her stomach churning her back and forth…back and forth…and her stomach was all shook up and she just…she didn't have any more space in it for water, let alone weird tasting water…
She ran for the bathroom.
This apartment was small, smaller even than the Tokyo houses had been. It didn't take her long to get to the bathroom, long enough that she made it. That was good. She didn't want to have to clean up any throw up. She didn't want to do any cleaning at all right now. She wanted to…well what she wanted to do was to stop throwing up. She was grateful that she had made it but that didn't make this any less gross. The taste in her mouth, the way the smell went up her nose, the way it looked….she closed her eyes. She kept still and closed her eyes until she was done and her stomach was empty…and now it hurt because it was empty!
Life was unfair sometimes.
Once she was sure that she was done throwing up she flushed it away and laid down on the ground. The tile was cool…she needed to be cold right now. She kicked off her socks. Still too warm. She needed to be cold…too much. That may have been too much. She had been trying to do as much as Shimazaki had been doing but then he had told her that she was doing too much…when Shimazaki said that something was too much then it must have been too much. She didn't know her limits and she accepted that she didn't know her limits and she would never know her limits if she didn't try and find them and Minegishi didn't need to treat her like a little kid and also Dad had no idea what he was talking about!
She could do whatever she wanted.
She didn't have any rules…she didn't have any rules! She could…she had rules…Dad had made rules for her. Well he wasn't here and….and anyway she wasn't a little kid. For her whole life Dad had been telling her that she was a Suzuki and being a Suzuki meant that she was one of the best people to ever live or whatever. She didn't know if she believed or even liked that but she did like the part where she didn't have to follow any rules. If she had been a normal kid then she would have had to get up for school in the morning, she would have had homework to do, she wouldn't have been able to stay out late with her friend and see the city and do fun stuff…she wouldn't have been able to go anywhere. Normal people stayed in one place all the time…didn't that get boring? She couldn't remember if she had ben bored…she knew that she'd had fun, though, when she and Sho used to spend every single day at Disneyland. Those had been fun times. They had gone to Disneyland whenever they wanted and they had been able to eat whatever they wanted to eat and drink as much strawberry milk as they, she, had wanted. Like when she…had done a lot. She could do whatever she wanted….she could do whatever she wanted!
Anything at all.
"I can do whatever I want! I can do whatever I want! I can do whatever I want!" shouted Mob. She could, she really could. She was Suzuki Shigeko. She could go wherever she wanted. She could do whatever she wanted. If she wanted to drink nothing but strawberry milk with vodka then she could drink strawberry milk with vodka. If she wanted to do coke with her boyfriend who she wished was just her friend then she could do coke with her boyfriend who she wished was just her friend. If she wanted to go to Disneyland then she could go to Disneyland….actually that sounded really good right now. She'd have to take Sho with, since he was awake.
He was standing right there in the doorway. It would have been rude to go without him.
"What are you doing?" asked Sho. He was in his pajamas and his eyes were red…oh no! Had he been crying? Well then that changed her plans. She could so whatever she wanted to do…but right now she wanted to help him…or maybe she needed to help him. She didn't know. What was the line between wanting something and needing it? She had needed water but she hadn't wanted it but she also had…but then she had thrown up. She had wanted a boyfriend but she didn't need one but now she had one and she didn't want him. She had wanted to lay down on the ground but now she realized how dumb she looked. She sat up and fixed her dress. It didn't fit….maybe a new one? Were any stores opened? But the what kind would she have even gotten?
No, think of Sho…he hated clothes shopping…but he did need new pajamas it looked like…but that could come later.
"Whatever I want….I'm going to do whatever I want." said Mob. She was going to do…she didn't know what she was going to so. She knew that she could do whatever she wanted to do but now she had no idea what any of that even was. She didn't know…her head hurt. She knew that her head hurt…she knew that she didn't want to go anywhere…and she knew that she wanted to make Sho happy, too…or maybe she just needed to make him happy….
No. This was her brother and she loved him. His happiness was her happiness.
"…you want to lay down on the bathroom floor?" asked Sho
"….no, not really." Said Mob as she stood up. Right, she didn't now exactly what she wanted to do but she knew that she didn't want to do that. She wanted to move…she rocked in place…and that was maybe too much movement. She needed…she needed…she needed to be with her little brother! And maybe some more water…her stomach turned…ok, maybe less water….or maybe more water and then less water…or maybe Sho needed water. He looked weird…or maybe he was looking at her weird…or maybe she looked weird. Did she look weird? She was weird…everyone said so. That was just how it was when you were a Suzuki. You were just….weird….
"Then why are you here? And why do you look like that?" asked Sho
"Because it's cold and I'm all warm and sweaty and it's like that time we went to the beach but I wore clothes because I didn't want people to look at me and you know something? You shouldn't wear clothes to the beach. When you wear clothes to the beach it's kind of like wearing a coat inside. Sort of like how on TV characters have weird outfits, like all the trench coats? You'd get hot if you wore a coat inside, I mean you know, you wear coats inside all the time…do you get sweaty? I'm really sweaty right now." Said Mob. She was here because it was cold and now she was cold…or was she warm? She was all sweaty so it was like being both at the same time. She ran a hand across her forehead. That was a lot of sweat. Her arms were sweaty too…her whole self was sweaty….but why was she thinking about herself now?! She was so selfish. Sho needed her. His eyes were all red and watery but he wasn't crying he was just…or maybe he had been…or maybe he was sick!
She put her hand to his forehead.
"You're being weird right now. Can you stop?" asked Sho as he took a step back. She followed him. If he was sick then she could…well she actually had no idea what to do with a sick person. She had never been sick before, not in a way that Fukuda couldn't fix…but she didn't want to call Fukuda. She didn't want to talk to him or look at him or even be on the same planet as him! She wanted to be here, on the same planet as Sho, right now! She wanted to be with her little brother and…and Fukuda had been taking him from her! They used to have so much fun together, they used to play together, they used to be best friends…but then they had gotten other best friends and now it was like they were just two people who just happened to live in the same house…and she didn't want that! She could never have wanted that! She wanted them to be best friends who lived in the same house, not just two people!
She hugged him because she wanted to and he needed it.
"I can, I can for you! I would do anything for you, little brother! You're the best little brother in the whole world, you know that? I love you so much. I remember when you were born…at least I think that I do. I remember that I love you and I still love and I'll do anything for you!" said Mob. She hugged him and kissed him and she was never going to let him go!
"Can you stop kissing me? You smell like throw up and it's gross and you're being weird right now…like really weird. Are you stoned? You better not have gotten stoned without me." Said Sho
"I'm not stoned, me and Shimazaki did a bunch of coke and, yes, we smoked but I'm not stoned. Do you want to get stoned? Because I have-" said Mob
"Do you know what I want? Do you really want to know? I want you to go back in time and make it so that I never even met Emmy!" said Sho
"Oh no…right, right, it's Valentine's Day. Here I am out there on a date and you're here missing your boyfriend and your girlfriend misses you and-" said Mob
"She's not my girlfriend anymore. We broke up….fuck me!" said Sho. Mob did not f-word her brother, that would have been gross and wrong and she would have had to drink the stuff under the sink if she even thought about doing stuff like that with him…gross….but she did hug him. She hugged him because he needed one, breakups were hard. Well she had never broken up with anyone but she knew how hard it must have been. If breakups were easy then she would have broken up with Shimazaki a long time ago….even if he did have a lot of coke…no, no, no. Breakups were still hard and Sho needed her and he smelled like he needed a bath but she would deal with that later!
She kept on hugging him.
"I am so, so, so sorry that happened to you. Did she yell at you? Do you want me to talk to her? People should not be yelling at my little brother even if he kind of does…you know what? No, I don't think that you deserve it. I think that it's better to tell someone that you don't want to be with them than to lie to them and sleep with them and then-" said Mob. Sho pushed away from her…he was strong. She let him go, her back hitting the doorway. That was…kind of not good….but Sho was upset! Who cared about her back when her little brother was upset!?
"I didn't sleep with her! That's gross! I don't even like girls like that and if I did then I wouldn't do something like that and-and-and I didn't even talk to her so why are you accusing me of-of-of-what's wrong with you!?" asked Sho
"Too much coke." Said Mob
"You're not having a sugar rush, I know you. You just get shaky when you do. This is something else." Said Sho
"No, not coke the drink. Coke the white stuff that looks kind of like baking soda but isn't and then it goes up your nose and you feel good but also sometimes like you're going to throw up." Said Mob
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Said Sho
"Ask Shimazaki, he's probably share with you….maybe. He says that you're a downer when you get high and that's why he never invites you but I think that it's just because he thinks that it would be weird to take my little brother with us on date night." Said Mob. She didn't think that it would have been weird with Sho there at all, that is unless Shimazaki tried to kiss her. That was always weird, sometimes kind of nice, but in feeling nice it was even weirder. If it had been any other boy besides Shimazaki, except for Teru of course since Teru had proven himself to be a jerk, then it would have been ok to feel good. With him it was just…weird….really weird….
Ok, so maybe then it would have been even worse if Sho had been there. Good to know.
Sho must have felt the same way, too. He took a step back. His aura was pulled in really close. He was looking at her like…like she didn't even know. Huh. The more she thought about it the weirder it sounded. Her little brother hanging out with her and her boyfriend, who didn't want, who was also the boy who her little brother had been in love with for years and years and years…yeah, that would have been incredibly weird. Even weirder than what she was doing now.
So maybe she and Sho could just hang out together then.
"What….what did you just say?" asked Sho
"Well I thought about brining you along but then I thought about how weird it would have been since you used to like him and he likes me now. I don't think that I like him like that. I mean we're friends and I like hanging out with him but kissing him just feels weird and I think he wants to do more than kiss but I don't really want to do that again, and not with him since that would have been weird since Minegishi is my best friend. I mean they don't mind, they would have said if they did. Like how they complained about how they were going to have to share a plane with Dad and-oh no! Don't tell Dad! He can't know!" said Mob. She took a step forward but then Sho took another one back. He was shaking his head and….and was he shaking his head 'no' like he wasn't going to tell Dad? Or was he shaking his head 'no' like he thought that Dad should have known…but that didn't make sense. Dad was mean and Sho knew it. Dad would have hurt Shimazaki and Sho knew it. He had seen it, even, back when Shimazaki had only been teasing her…
Those had been good times.
"What the….what the fuck?!" said Sho
"What do you mean, what the f-word?" asked Mob
"I mean what the fuck!?You're being all…you're crazy! You're talking crazy and-and you're too stoned or drunk or-or-or just shut up! I don't know why I thought I could talk to you." Said Sho
"I'm not crazy, I mean my brain isn't really listening but I don't think that I'm crazy." Said Mob
"You are! You're just…you're talking like Shimazaki likes you and I know for a fact that he doesn't! He said that…for the whole time I've known him he's said that-that he thinks about us like we're his kids and-and I don't even know why I care! I have a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend and-and-and I don't have one anymore and I just…I can't believe that I ever even thought that I could talk to you!" said Sho
"Sho! You can always talk to me! We can talk about whatever you want! We can talk about your hamsters, or scary movies, or fighting games, or real life fighting, or your drawings, or whatever else you want to talk about." Said Mob. She reached out to hug him but he pushed her, with his powers. She could feel her barrier coming up but it had been too slow. Her powers weren't listening, she had done this to make her powers listen better, but now they were…distracted? It was like her powers were playing Smash Brothers and they had been too distracted by what other people were doing that they accidentally walked off the world and then everyone laughed at them. She wound up falling down, not off of the world, but onto her back. She was fine…but Sho wasn't. He ran away.
She got up and followed him.
This wasn't a big apartment. Their room was right there…and Sho got there first. Not only that but he locked the door. She heard it click and everything. She could have knocked the door down with her powers but that would have been mean. Dad had done that a few times when they had been little. It had always been scary, when he had been that mad, and…and she wasn't mad but she didn't want to be scary. Even if she had come from Dad, and even if she looked like him now, she wasn't Dad. She wasn't anything like him.
She picked who she was and she was Mob….and Mob may have been a Suzuki but she didn't have to be like Dad.
So she knocked on the door like a normal, not at all mad or scary, person.
"Sho? Are you alright? The door is locked and you only do this when something's bothering you." Said Mob. She pressed her ear to the door and waited. She could hear him hitting the walls. She hoped that he didn't wake Mukai, they shared a wall with her. She was so little and she needed so much sleep and…and if she woke up then…then it was all going to be too much. She already had an upset little brother and an upset stomach to deal with. She didn't need an upset little sister too.
"Go away!" shouted Sho
"I can't do that, not while you're upset. Can you please just tell me what the problem is? Maybe I can fix it. Do you feel bad about breaking up with Emmy? Because if that's the problem then I can talk to her and-" said Mob. She had been pressing her ear against the door when it opened, so of course she fell forward. She fell right onto Sho. He caught her…and pushed her backwards…but that was ok. She loved him and she didn't care if he pushed her.
"You're the problem!" shouted Sho as he pushed her. She…she was the problem? But….but how did that work? She wanted to help him…she wanted…she loved him. She loved him and she didn't get to be hurt right now…but then when did she get to be hurt? He had tried to hurt her. When you loved someone then you didn't want to hurt them…but Sho…he was just like this, that was all. She loved him even if he did push her and yell at her.
"I'm sorry. I mean I don't know what I did but I'm sorry." said Mob softly. Sho shook his head and pulled on his hair.
"Stop it…just stop it! Stop acting like that!" shouted Sho
"Like what? And be careful, you might wake Mukai." Said Mob
"I'm not going to wake Mukai! And if I did wake her then-then-then it's your fault for saying crazy stuff! Shimazaki doesn't like you and…and I don't even know why I care if he does! I have enough problems to deal with, I don't need you being all…just…why can't you just leave me alone!?" shouted Sho. He pulled back like he was going to hit her. She didn't walk away, she didn't even turn around. He hadn't hit her in years, and she of course didn't like it when he hit her, but if he was going to hit her then she would let him. If that was what made him feel better than that was what was going to happen. She loved him and when she loved someone then…then she just wanted them to be happy…
Or at least less upset.
"Because I love you." Said Mob. She loved him and that meant that she was never going to let him go, ever, even if they were old people or something. Even if they were all old and short and wrinkled then she would still never let him go. She didn't care if he wanted her to go. That wasn't how love worked. When you loved someone then you never let them go.
And you didn't hit them either.
He put his hand down. He loved her…well she had always known that he loved her…but it was nice to have confirmation. She wondered if she would have been alright hugging him. He looked like he needed one. He had been through a lot…she should have been there with him. Even if he had wanted to be there with Fukuda and his hamsters or whatever she still should have….she didn't know. She should have been there but also she didn't like Fukuda…but what she liked didn't really matter, did it?
She wished that it did…but it didn't.
"….I know….I guess. I don't know…." Said Sho
"You don't know? But….but you love me….you have to love me….I'm your sister." Said Mob
"I…I know! I know that you're my sister and I know that I love you but…but it's just…sometimes it's hard, you know? It's like…it's like no matter how shitty I feel you make me feel worse…" said Sho. He leaned against the doorframe. Mob wanted to hug him, she needed to hug him, but he didn't want to be hugged. He put up a barrier and…and it hurt…but it made sense. She had made him feel bad…but she hadn't even done anything….no, no, no. She must have done something. She didn't know what it was specifically but she knew that it must have ben bad if he was acting like this.
"I-I didn't mean to." Said Mob
"I know…you never do. I just…you don't get it! Nobody gets it!" said Sho
"But I want to get it, please. Just tell me what I need to know so I can know it and then…and then you won't feel as bad." Said Mob
"You….you're just going to tell me that I'm a good person. You're going to look at me and tell me that no matter what I do I'm a good person…but I'm not! I did something really bad and…and Fukuda says that it isn't but-" said Sho
"What? Fukuda? Why are you listening to him?" asked Mob
"You….you can't know but….but he said that it was ok. I broke up with Emmy. I broke up with her and…and I texted her. I just…I didn't want to see her and I didn't want to call her so I texted her but…but I just…I thought that if I texted her it would have been better than just leaving her! Mom just left and…and I used to wish that she had said something but then…then I said something and now Emmy probably hates me and she's sad and…and I suck! I suck and…and don't try and tell me that I don't!" said Sho. Mob…did not say that…even though that was what she wanted to say. She didn't say anything, she just let Sho slump down to the ground…
She didn't know what she could even say.
She wanted Sho to be happy. She wanted him to feel good all the time, especially about himself. He wasn't a bad person. He was her little brother and…and she knew how much he was hurting…but she knew how much Emmy was hurting too. She had never been broken up with, she and Teru had never really been together, but it had hurt when he asked her to leave. Not just his apartment but his life, too. They had done all the things together so that made it hurt more….but breaking up hurt no matter what you did. Emmy was probably sad, crying, feeling like she was just…slimy. Like on the inside, NOT THE INSIDE, but like the inside of her feelings and….and Sho had made her feel like that. Her little brother was the sort of boy who broke girl's hearts…
She didn't know how to feel about that.
She didn't know what to do, either, so she just…sat down. She sat down next to him. He had his head in his hands. She wanted to hug him, to tell him that everything was going to be ok, to tell him that he hadn't done anything wrong….but that wouldn't have been true. He had made someone feel bad, someone who had done nothing but love him. You couldn't do that. You couldn't just make someone fall in love with you for years and years, to make them think that you could be together, and then when you were finally together….you couldn't just do THAT to someone. You couldn't just rip someone's heart out. You couldn't just…just….
She loved Sho very much…but she wasn't very happy with him right now.
She wanted to be happy. She reached out with her powers, as soon as she got them to listen, and called her Elsa bag over to her. It took time, she couldn't focus well enough to see with her mind's eye, and in that time Sho didn't say anything. He just held his head in his hands. She didn't say anything to him, not yet. She knew that she shouldn't have sided with Emmy but…but she knew what it felt like…and she couldn't believe that Sho had made her feel like that. Sure he could be mean sometimes but…but this went beyond meanness. This was so much worse than anything he had ever done before….she needed a drink.
And so did he.
"Here." Said Mob as she took her flask, well it was technically Shimazaki's flask, from her bag. She wished that Shimazaki had let her have the coke. He said that she couldn't be trusted with it because she didn't know her limits yet and it was the kind of stuff that could kill her. She didn't want to die, and she definitely didn't want to kill Sho, but she just…she wanted them both to feel better…this helped. She had been doing this since she'd been eight. She knew that drinking worked…and smoking…
And she knew that she wanted Sho to feel better so he could have as much as he wanted to drink.
"Thanks." Said Sho. He lifted his head and took a drink. He made a face like he had tasted something gross…well he kind of had. The trick was to not taste what you were drinking, Shimazaki had said so. Some people drank to appreciate it and some people drank to get drunk. Shimazaki had said that they were the sort of people who drank to get drunk.
She wasn't going to argue with that.
"You can keep drinking, I'm not going to make you use moderation. You're having a bad night." Said Mob. She felt like her stomach was churning. She pushed the flask away when he tried to give it back. She didn't think that she could keep it down. Her stomach was churning and her head was pounding. The feeling was gone, the feeling like she was at the top of the world. She felt like…like she was Mob. She was Mob the bad big sister, Mob the selfish person, Mob the Suzuki. She didn't want to be a Suzuki…well sometimes she wished that she could have been someone else. Sometimes she wished that she wasn't part of Dad…that she didn't have whatever made him, him, within her…but here was nothing that she could do about that.
Nothing but smoke, of course, for her stomach…and everything else.
Sho tipped her flask all the way back and drank everything. He made that same face, too, as he finished it. She didn't think that it had been wise, finishing the whole thing, but she didn't want to argue with him about moderation right now. She wanted the two of them to feel better….or at least him. She didn't know how she could feel better knowing that she had made her little brother feel like…feel like it as ok to go around breaking girl's hearts…
Her pen would help.
"Is that the kind the makes you sleepy or the kind that wakes you up?" asked Sho as Mob exhaled. She passed him the pen.
"It makes you feel both at the same time." Said Mob. Sho took it from her and inhaled. She would let him have as much as he wanted, she decided, since she loved him. Even though he'd hurt someone who loved him she still…she still wanted him to be happy…
"That's not possible." Said Sho
"Well it's the only pen I have. Shimazaki might have more-" said Mob
"Don't mention him!" said Sho
"Why? He's your friend…wait, are you still in love with him? Because if you're still in love with him then I never would have agreed to be his girlfriend." Said Mob. She hadn't exactly agreed, she hadn't even been asked, but if Sho had still been in love with him then she would have had the perfect excuse to say no. She couldn't do that to her little brother, steal away the boy he loved most in the world, but Sho had sworn that he didn't love Shimazaki anymore even a little bit…and she had believed him. Now she had made a mess worse than any mess that either of them had ever been in before. Even worse than the one he was in with Emmy…had been in. It was over now and Mob…she couldn't even imagine what it was that Emmy must have been feeling….
Pain. Hurt. Loneliness. Other such bad feelings.
"….you're not his girlfriend." Said Sho
"I am. He decided-" said Mob
"You're not! You are not his girlfriend and-and it's just not true!" said Sho. He pulled his hand back like he was going to throw her pen. She held his arm in place with her powers. No. She didn't care if he hit her or pushed her or threw her through a wall, even. But throwing her pen…that hurt both of them! If he threw her pen then she would have to get another one from Shimazaki and if she went to get another one right now then…then Shimazaki would maybe want to try and do more than kiss with her again and that was the last thing that she wanted….
Maybe she was just being selfish…maybe she was where Sho had learned it from.
"Sho….I shouldn't have told you. I was trying to keep it a secret but I wasn't thinking and….and you told me that you didn't like him anymore. If you like him then I'll tell him that I can't be with him anymore and then you can be happy…I mean happier….I mean happy at all." said Mob. She braced herself for Sho to yell at her…but he didn't. He just held his arm in the air….she let him go. She waited for him to yell at her or hit her…but he didn't. He just inhaled again.
And held it.
He was kind of swaying in place, like he couldn't quite decide how he wanted to sit. His eyes were watery and red…it shouldn't have been hitting him this hard…but maybe that was because they didn't do this that often. Shimazaki was right, Sho was kind of a downer when he smoked, and she loved…well she loved it when he wasn't a downer but she loved him all the time. Even when he was like this. Even when he was mad all the time. Even when….even in times like these.
She loved him more than anyone else in the world….well except for Mukai….they were tied, she decided, her little brother and sister.
"….I don't like him anymore. You can have him….I guess. I don't know. It hurts…but it's good that it hurts. If it hurts then...then if something hurts me then…then it's good." Said Sho
"No it's not, Sho, and I don't like it when you talk like that." Said Mob
"It's true and I don't want you to tell me that it isn't. I hurt Emmy really bad and…and I was being….I'm an asshole. I'm a dick hole. I'm a dick hole's asshole and an asshole's dick hole…and I just…I don't want to be!" Said Sho
"I don't think that you're any of those things…but I do think that you were mean to Emmy. It hurts when someone breaks up with you-" said Mob
"Yeah, I know." Said Sho
"No…you don't….because you've never been broken up with. I have…don't ask me when because I don't like to talk about it and…and I don't even know if we broke up or if we were even together but it really hurt me a lot and…and it makes me sad to know that you hurt someone. That you called someone-" said Mob
"I texted her." said Sho. Mob was glad that her powers weren't around, that they were distracted, because if they had been paying attention then she knew they would have broken something. That was…she felt like that was even worse than…than anything…..
"Sho….that wasn't right." Said Mob
"…yeah, I know." Said Sho. He said it so quietly that she was barely sure if she had heard him…or maybe that was just the pounding in her head.
"What are you going to do now? I mean you can't just…just leave her like that. She's probably really hurt and sad and stuff." Said Mob
"I know….you think that I don't know? I know…I fucking know…" said Sho. He didn't know, though, she didn't know how much it hurt…well he knew what it was like to have someone he loved who didn't love him back but…but he didn't know what it was like to love someone, to think that you were loved, and to realize that none of it was true. He didn't know and he would never know….
"What are you going to do?" asked Mob
"I don't know…I don't fucking know…" said Sho. Mob didn't know either. She didn't know what she was going to do or what he was going to do….maybe there wasn't anything to do. Maybe now all they could do was sit here and smoke and just….be. If she was lost and if he was lost then…then they were lost together. They were just….lost…together like this….lost and trying to feel better….if there was even a way to feel better. She didn't know…but she had to know. She was the big sister, she was the one in charge, but right now…right now she didn't know. If Sho got back together with Emmy then…then it wouldn't work…but if he left her alone then….then she'd still be hurt and…and Mob just….didn't know. She didn't know and she wanted it to end….
Mob was glad that Valentine's Day was over.