On March 17th, at 2:26 p.m., Mob got her haircut.
She should have been at a party. A party which she had thrown. A party for her Dad. It was his birthday today and he should have been there. But he wasn't, he was back in Japan, back in Osaka. She had no idea what he could have been doing there that couldn't wait. He had been going there more and more lately. She didn't know why. They didn't have anything at all going on in Osaka, just a Claw cell and some money washing business, and those took care of themselves. If something big was happening, like he was trying to take it over or something, then it would have made more sense to come to Beijing from Osaka instead of the other way around. So then nothing big was happening.
So then Dad had missed his own birthday for nothing.
"Hold still." Said Minegishi. They felt their scissors graze Mob's head. That would have been bad, headwounds bled like crazy. The last thing Mob needed was a massive headwound to deal with. If they weren't going to knock some sense in her then they certainly weren't going to stab some sense into her either.
Knowing Mob she would have just taken it as a personal challenge.
"I am holding still." Said Mob. She didn't care if Minegishi cut her hair unevenly. She just wanted to be near them. Everyone else was either busy or didn't like her anymore. Sho was with Fukuda, and she wasn't supposed to be near him anyway, and Mukai was napping with Shibata and Tsuchiya. Serizawa was home but he and Hatori were playing videogames and she didn't like the kind of games Hatori liked to play…and also Hatori was best friends with Dad and Mob didn't need to be reminded about him right now.
"Then why did I almost cut you?" asked Minegishi as they pulled their scissors far away from Mob. She was looking at them like they had been talking backwards. Well alright then. They could wait for the wheels in her head to turn…that is if they could even still turn. They knew that she wasn't over that stupidity from back in December…if anything it had gotten worse! On more than one occasion they had seen her carrying around one of Mukai's baby dolls and calling it Shoko…
The wheels in Mob's head were turning…hopefully in the right direction.
"Because I moved?" asked Mob after a while. She hadn't moved but if Minegishi said that they had moved, that this was something that they needed to believe, then she would let them believe it. She didn't want to fight with them about this. She was tired of fighting with them. Sometimes it felt like they had been doing nothing but fighting since…since what had happened with Teru….even though she had been avoiding them. She knew that they couldn't have been fighting if they had been apart….but it still felt like it.
"Exactly." Said Minegishi. There, so Mob could listen to them. Now they could get back to work and-
"I only moved a little." Said Mob. She knew that she should have told them what they had wanted to hear but…but she hadn't moved…and if she had it had only been a little…and even if it had been more than a little then she could do whatever she wanted to do with her body. Minegishi had said so. Her body was her own and her life was her own and….and why was everyone so upset over what she did with her body?! Dad didn't like her because she liked to wear makeup and color her hair and drink and some and have fun. Fukuda didn't like her because she had done things, well he had thought that she was doing things with Shimazaki, and…and even if she had been then….then it was none of his business! Minegishi didn't like her because they thought that she couldn't have Shoko…they had even made her take medicine to keep from having her. They said one thing and then did another and…and Mob was just…
She could move whenever she wanted to move!
"That's all it takes. The last thing I want to do is cut you accidentally. I don't need the kind of guilt and you don't need a massive scar on your forehead. I don't know if you know how Scars are made but that's not it." Said Minegishi with a click of their tongue. Really , Mob was going to fight them on this, too? Maybe she was just at that age. She was almost a teenager and this was just what they were like….so Minegishi just had seven more years of this to deal with….
Wonderful.
"I know how Scars are made. They're the people Dad beats up but they get to be in the upper echelons because they're powerful enough to face Dad in the first place…I wish he'd have a different system for picking people, though, but I wish a lot of things about him." said Mob. She didn't want Dad to hurt anyone. She wanted Dad to be there, with her, and she wanted…she just…if he had said goodbye to her then she could have at least said 'happy birthday' to him. She could have at least told him that she was happy that he had been born, and that he was her Dad, and that…and that she loved him….
She wished that Dad loved her like he used to…even the smothery sort of love.
"Me too." Said Minegishi. They wished that Suzuki's plane would go down somewhere over the Pacific, in the part with the fewest islands and shipping routes, a place where he would never be found again.
"What do you wish for?" asked Mob. Minegishi had Dad wishes too? She hadn't even known that they liked Dad….but then again they never acted like the liked anyone. Even their own boyfriend.
"Peace on Earth." Said Minegishi. They weren't going to tell her the truth, obviously. She still loved Suzuki for some reason. They couldn't understand it but then again they had never been that attached to their parents. Their parents had been their jailers after all. Suzuki was Mob's jailer too but she at least lived in a gilded cage…not that it was much better. They took a deep breath and put their scissors down on the bathroom counter. They didn't need to be wielding any sharp objects right now.
"Oh…I want that too….but I meant about my Dad." Said Mob. Peace on Earth sounded pretty good but that wasn't really something to be wished for. It was going to happen when Dad took over the world. It was like wishing for rain when the sky was grey, or wishing for chocolate when Shimazaki was around. You were supposed to wish for things that you could never get on your own, like Dad's love, or a daughter who loved her and who loved her right back.
"I wish he would just stay, permanently, wherever he is right now." Said Minegishi. The spider plant beside them shrank back in fear. They didn't want to talk about Suzuki. They wanted to cut Mob's hair and then spend the day relaxing and waiting for tomorrow to happen and their internal rage to subside.
"He's in Osaka." Said Mob. Maybe Minegishi wanted to go to Osaka, Matsuo was staying there. Maybe. She wasn't sure but it wouldn't have hurt to check. Shimazaki would have been upset, and when he got upset he got clingy and wanted to kiss and cuddle a lot, but she didn't mind. Everyone was already accusing her of much worse so, really, what were a few kisses? Minegishi didn't care and they were the only person who got a say in this.
"Good. He can live there, then." Said Minegishi. Osaka could have him. Maybe he's lose it again and Osaka would sink right back into the ocean like that depressing, even by their standards, anime thing Shibata kept trying to get everyone to watch.
"It's his birthday today." Said Mob. He should have been there. He should have been…she didn't know why he didn't want to be with her…but…but it was his birthday and that meant that he could do whatever he wanted to do…and what he wanted to do was be away from Mob…because he didn't like her anymore.
"Good for him." said Minegishi with a roll of their eyes. He'd made it another year without being murdered. Well, there was always next year. They just had to cross their fingers and pray.
"He's forty-six." Said Mob. That was very old, thirty three years older than she was, and that….that seemed like an important birthday…maybe one important enough for her to go and see him…and see if he needed help. He…he deserved to have a happy birthday even if he didn't like her anymore.
"He beat the reaper another year. Good for him." said Minegishi
"I feel like that's an important birthday…..since that's a long time to have lived for." Said Mob
"Yeah, if we lived a thousand years ago. Forty six isn't anything, Mob, he's just getting more and more middle aged. If he wants to spend his birthday back in Japan then good, let Osaka deal with him. We might be able to get some peace around here for a few days." Said Minegishi. Being near Suzuki was like being out on a really humid day. Overbearing. Itchy. Annoying.
"Do you think that…that he goes there because he doesn't like me?" asked Mob. Maybe Dad really had things to do. Minegishi was smart about people, they knew about things like this. Maybe Dad had just been mad at her before or…or maybe Dad…maybe he hadn't meant to sound as mean as he had. Maybe he actually wanted to spend his birthday with her but he was actually busy…or something….
"No, I think that he goes to Osaka for either business or pleasure like everyone else." Said Minegishi. Mob's entre face fell…and the wheels in her head started turning again…damn it!
"But…our businesses there are doing fine, I checked. I had the accounting people send me a bunch of reports and stuff and all the numbers were black." Said Mob
"So pleasure then." Said Minegishi. They didn't know and they didn't care what he was doing there and Mob needed to stop caring too. She was somehow just like them and nothing like them. Minegishi would have been out there throwing parties if they had been in Mob's place...but Mob was in Mob's place…and this was what she did in her place….great, just fucking great.
"But Dad doesn't know how to have fun….he really doesn't." Said Mob
"Well then maybe he goes there to cry, I don't know. Mob, what's this obsession with your dad about anyway? You of all people should be jumping for joy that he's gone." Said Minegishi
"I just….I wanted to throw him a party. Mukai can't do that because she can't read." Said Mob. Mukai was too little to throw parties or…or help Dad work or…or anything. She just played and cried and shouted and…and one day Dad was going to get tired of her and…and Mob shouldn't have been thinking like that. Mob should have been nicer…she just…she wanted her Dad back and…and she knew that Mukai was also his Daughter but Mob WAS Daughter and…and…and….
And she just wanted this day to be over.
"What? Mob, I feel like we skipped a few steps here." Said Minegishi. They rubbed their temples. They were getting a headache…when had Mob become such a headache? When had THIS become their relationship. Things had been so much easier when she'd been a kid…but now she was a teenager. An annoying headache of a teenager…an annoying headache that they loved but an annoying headache nonetheless.
"First you have to brush my hair and then-" said Mob. She didn't know how Minegishi had forgotten how to cut her hair but she was happy to help. She was happy to have been able to spend time with them at all. She wished that things had been like they had been before. She just wished…she wished that there wasn't this big…thing…between them. She wished…this wasn't her birthday. She didn't get to make wishes.
"Not about your hair, I know how to cut hair. What's this about Mukai now?" asked Minegishi. What had she done? What, did everyone have some kind of drama going on? This was…this was life in Claw. They should have been used to this by now…but in a way there wasn't any way to get used to this. There was just weird drama after weird drama after weird drama…and now the three year old was involved.
"Just that she could never plan a party for Dad because she can't read. Dad…he might have liked me again if I threw him a party…well he doesn't like them but maybe I could make him like them or…or something. I don't know. I just want him to like me again…I just feel like nobody likes me." Said Mob. She knew that she had friends but it was like…like they didn't like her. Like they were her friends but….she didn't know. It was just a feeling she had, a feeling that hadn't gone away. It had been getting bigger and bigger, louder and louder, until she had gotten here. She wanted to hug Minegishi, to be hugged by them, to just…she just…she didn't want to be alone anymore…
"Mob, stop it. You know he likes you and you know that everyone likes you. You're Mob." Said Minegishi. What was she on about now? She knew that everyone liked her. She was the kindest, most likeable, person in all of Claw. Maybe the world. She was supernaturally nice to a dangerous degree and….and she did not get to feel this way! They had not…this was….this was not their fault.
"But…you don't like me anymore." Said Mob softly. She looked down at her socks. Hers were pink, Minegishi's were purple. Those colors went together…but she and Minegishi didn't and they hadn't for a while. They used to buy socks together, and other clothes. They used to read together, too, and drink coffee….or just drink. They…well at least they had their bracelet on. So they were best friends…even if they didn't really act like it anymore.
"When did I say that?" asked Minegishi through clenched teeth. No, this was not on them. This was…whatever funk Mob was in was not on them. They hadn't been as present for her as they used to be but they had been busy and when they weren't they just…Mob needed to come off of this! Every time they looked at her all they could see was a never ending parade of their failures. They had ruined her life and now…now she was planning on making it worse…and there was nothing that they could do to stop her.
Her body was her own, her life was her own, and she could ruin her life in five seconds and there was nothing that Minegishi could possibly
"Not in those words but you just…you're mad at me. You've been mad at me for a really long time just because I want to have Shoko-" said Mob. She reached out for Minegishi. She just…she needed a hug. She needed someone to just…to just love her. She needed…if she had a daughter then she would never have felt like this again. She would have had Shoko to love her and she would have loved Shoko and…and Minegishi could have loved her too…
Or not.
"No." said Minegishi as they took a step back. They were NOT discussing this. This was not and would never be up for discussion. Mob was not getting their permission or whatever for this. Mob…the wheels in her head were turning in the wrong direction. What did she think? If she named the kid and begged Minegishi enough times that their heart would melt and they'd give Mob their blessing to ruin not only her life but the life of her child?
"But-" said Mob. She didn't know why Minegishi was so against this. Mob was the one who would have the baby, not them. Mob was the one who was going to take care of Shoko, not them. Mob was the one who was going to be it's parent, not them. Minegishi maybe just didn't like babies…well then they weren't the one who was going to have Shoko now were they?
"No." said Minegishi. They felt that, that wave of Mob's aura. They didn't care if she was upset. She was not ruining her life anymore than it had been ruined already.
"But I just-" said Mob. She just wanted to tell them that they wouldn't have to do anything. She just wanted to tell them that they didn't have to worry about anything. They didn't want a baby, fine, they weren't the one who was going to have to anything….they just…they didn't get it and they never would unless they listened! Why wouldn't they listen?
"What part of 'no' don't you understand?" asked Minegishi. Teenagers…why did she have to be a teenager? This just…they were calm. They were not going to lose it. They were not going to just…just make this whole thing worse. They were not going to ruin something else in their life.
"Why you keep on saying it." Said Mob
"I'm telling you 'no' because having a baby at 12-" said Minegishi. Why did they have to keep on going over and over and over this? Why did she think….she wasn't thinking. She never thought. She just did things. She just got these ideas in her head that she should have known…she should have known better. She didn't…Minegishi needed to calm down.
"I'm almost thirteen." Said Mob. If thirteen was too old to call her Dad 'Daddy' and spend Sunday with him and…and be 'Daughter' then….then she could be Mom. She could be…she could just…she would never have told Shoko that she was too old to be loved. To be her Daughter. If she was old enough that she was Shigeko now, that Dad had told her that she was an adult, then…then she…then she could be a mom. She could be Mom. She could be a better mom than Mom had ever been.
She wasn't going to run away….that was already better than her Mom had done.
"That's not much better. Mob, you're too damn young to have a baby. Medically speaking, first of all, it's not safe for someone your age to have a baby. Emotionally speaking, you are in no way ready to have a baby. Speaking as a sane-ish human being…Mob, we do not need to bring a baby into this shitshow! Don't you remember what happened when Mukai got dumped onto us? It was hell, for everyone! None of us are equipped to take care of a baby and you need to come off of this-this baby fever thing you're on! And stop naming your hypothetical child, it's just making you more attached." Said Minegishi
"But…but I…I think that I am ready to have a baby. I would love her and take care of her and….and I have plenty of money for clothes and toys and…and I'll love her. I'll love her and I'll never leave her. Ever." Said Mob
"Mob…no. Just because you have issues from your Mom walking out on you or dying or whatever doesn't mean that you have to go out, jump on the first guy you see, and get knocked up." Said Minegishi. They knew what she was going to do. She was going to go looking for love in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways. They knew what it was like to be thirteen and alone….and twelve and alone….though they'd had enough sense not to keep their baby. Mob's life had been, in a lot of ways, easier than they had. They had never had it, what Mob had, so they had never missed it. They had never been close with their mother, hadn't loved her since they had been a toddler, and they had no desire to recreate the lives of Minegishi Kameyo and Toshiki as they should have gone. Mob…she was hellbent on making their mistakes….but she was nothing like them. Somehow nothing like them and exactly like them at the same time. Schrodinger's Mob…heh….
Yeah. Heh.
"I-I'm not going to just do that with the first boy I see and-and-and just because you hate babies and-and people doesn't mean that you get to tell me what I can and can't do with my body. You're not my parent." Said Mob. She knew that she had sounded mean and…and she hadn't meant it. To sound mean, she had meant what she had said. Minegishi couldn't tell her one thing but then act like it wasn't true. She didn't know why they didn't like babies but…but it was her life and she could do whatever she wanted with it! The only people who could tell her what to do were her parents and Mom was gone and Dad…didn't like her…
When Shoko was born she was going to support her in whatever she wanted to do…even if she wanted to have a baby when she was almost thirteen.
"Yeah, I'm not, and I never wanted to be! I never signed up for this, you know? I was just supposed to teach you how to use your powers and then I was supposed to move back to the hit squad but, no, you needed a friend. You needed a friend and I was ready to be that person to you but this…this is too much. I never asked for this, that's why I never had kids, and I love you but….but you can be too much sometimes." Said Minegishi. Mob had that look in her eyes, that stubborn look, and they knew that if they kept up with this line of discussion that it would…well it would end badly. It had already gone badly, Mob looked like she was about to cry, but…but better they put their foot in their mouth than hash this out with Mob for the next hundred years.
Parenting was hard…and they weren't even a parent!
"I…I'm too much?" asked Mob. She was…she didn't want to be too much. She didn't know what she was…she didn't know….she just….she was too much. She didn't know why she had to be too much but…but she just was and…and she didn't want to be too much! She didn't want…she didn't want to be anything at all! She just…she had done this, this was her fault. She didn't cry…conceal, don't feel. Conceal. Don't feel.
"Sometimes….but I still love you. Now hold still. I have to finish your bangs and then I want to get rid of those split ends, too." Said Minegishi as they picked up their scissors. They weren't going to start a fight. They weren't going to start something…she didn't want to talk about this and neither did they. They'd already fucked up. There was no need to make it worse.
They didn't know how to make it better but they knew exactly how they would make it worse.
"….ok…I guess…" said Mob. She sat up straight and let Minegishi cut her hair. She didn't want to be too much….but she was. She was too much for her best friend. She was too much for her Dad. She was too much for her Mom. She was too much…she hurt her little brother just by being near him. She was too much and…and she wished that she could have just disappeared. That she could have teleported away or turned invisible but she didn't. This wasn't her birthday, she didn't get wishes.
She was getting a haircut today and that was it.