If nothing else, I can die happy knowing I made some people laugh for a few minutes.
The Shinobi's Guide to Drama
By Kaori
Konohamaru and his friends were playing ninja in an alleyway instead of putting up streamers with the other Academy students. They soon would learn that playing hooky leads to suffering; in this case immediate.
It started off fairly innocuous with gentle music playing softly in the distance but gradually getting louder. The tune was just barely recognizable and it took the three children a few moments to place it and when they did, their eyes widened comically. They had to get away! They must escape!
But it was too late… Far, far too late. The poor little bastards…
"Do you hear screaming?" Kiba asked, as he was being measured for his costume by Ino.
"Forehead-girl probably stuck somebody with a pin again." Muttered the blonde.
"I HEARD THAT INO-PIG!" screeched Sakura.
"WOW YOU'RE EARS MUST BE AS BIG AS YOUR FOREHEAD THEN!" retorted Ino.
"WHY YOU…"
"EEEEP!" yelped Hinata as she was forcibly attached to her dress (I won't tell you where, I'll leave that to your depraved minds).
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry Hinata!"
"She's bleeding!" cried Naruto from his place by the prop box. "Somebody get the first aid kit!"
Off to the side, Sasuke was practicing his Orochimaru impersonation for the play. At first he thought it was a bad idea, especially since the thought of acting like the power-hungry sannin gave him the creeps. But, as Naruto had demonstrated, making fun of Orochimaru can be fun.
"Kukukukuku… I am Orochimaru the Snake-sannin. I crave beautiful young men for my harem and with all the jutsu in the world no one will be able to stop me from creating the ultimate bishounen museum! Kukukukuku!" he paused. "Naruto wasn't kidding when he said this was fun." A disturbing grin made its way across his face and then…"Kukukuku!"
Shino, TenTen, and Neji were busily painting scenery when they heard the insidious laughter but didn't say anything. After all, Sasuke was the only one who could convincingly portray Orochimaru without using henge. Tsunade had expressly forbid them from using any ninja techniques on stage and, since Neji couldn't get the laugh right, Sasuke was it.
Shikamaru, the stage director, was currently helping Shino and Chouji paint the scenery while Neji and TenTen hung the curtain.
Well, actually, TenTen was hanging the curtain and Neji was inspecting it.
"It's still crooked." He said. TenTen squinted from where she was hanging from the support beam for the curtain.
"It doesn't look crooked from here."
"But it is. It's off by seven millimetres."
"Neji, nobody is going to notice."
"I noticed."
"Only because you're using your Byakugan."
"That doesn't change the fact that it's crooked."
"Fine! I'll adjust it!" She shimmied across the beam and fiddled with the curtain.
"Now it's too high on the right side." Neji said, deadpan. TenTen looked down.
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is, the bottom right corner of the curtain doesn't quite touch the stage."
"Nobody's going to see that!"
"I can see it."
"ARGH!"
"Neji it's fine, why are you annoying her when you know how troublesome angry women are?" Shikamaru asked. Neji didn't answer him and he blinked. "You're watching her butt, aren't you." It wasn't a question.
"Quiet Nara." Said Neji.
Outside conditions was rapidly descending into the type of situation that can only be described with the words "what in the scary hell."
Magical Girl Kurenai, Super Genki Kakashi, and Care N' Share Asuma were randomly kidnapping children and herding them into a tent for the sole purpose of forcing them to sing campy songs and cheer when prompted. The first victims, Konohamaru and friends, had long since been reduced to the utterly submissive state of vegetation brought on by overexposure to the sweetness, sap, and general goody-two-shoes propaganda the three jounins were spouting. They were smiling vapidly, clapping and singing like good little monkeys…er…children; Gai would have been jealous of the sheer wholesomeness of it all.
The adults on the outside of the tent didn't seem to care. After all, what was wrong with having the kids occupied and relatively docile? One adult, however, knew that this was not right. This was not natural; these were not children but zombies. It was utterly sickening. This must not be allowed to continue, and so this lone adult went out to find the only force in the world that could stop it…
What could possibly be used to counteract absolute sweetness and light? And who is this mysterious adult? If Sasuke's playing Orochimaru then who is playing Itachi? What of the other roles? Will Neji get caught checking out TenTen's rear? More madness to come!