Cherry blossom were, at the end of the day, pointless.
He had never once understood the point of this. His parents had brought him, when he had been young, to sit on a blanket in the park and watch the cherry blossom petals fall from the trees. He hadn't understood then what the point was. They were petals. They fell to the ground. Lots of things fell to the ground. Leaves, pine needles, other types of petals. That was just nature doing what it did every year. There existed, somewhere in the world, sixteen millimeter film of him as a baby eating the cherry blossoms that had fallen to the ground. He had enjoyed them then but he had been a baby. He had enjoyed changing the channels on the television and eating his own socks. Everything had been new and fascinating to him then. There was nothing new or fascinating about watching the cherry blossoms fall.
He had seen this over forty times already.
But he hadn't seen her…well he must have seen her more than forty times. How many times he had seen Shiori, if he had been about to sit there and attempt to quantify it, was…well it depended on how 'seeing her' could be defined. He'd seen her that morning when he got up, he'd seen her when they'd eaten breakfast together, he'd seen her….he'd seen her so many times that it couldn't be quantified. At least he didn't have the energy to quantify it. He just wanted to see her again, some more. He just wanted to spend as much time as he possibly could watching her.
She was beautiful.
The sun was hitting her perfectly. Her hair glowed around her, the sun caught in it, like a halo. The cherry blossoms in her hair fit like a crown. Like she was some sort of forest goddess, or spirit, since he'd seen those before. He had never seen a goddess so he couldn't compare her to one. Maybe a spirit, or the spirit of a queen, or maybe just a queen. If someone had told him that Shiori was a queen he would have believed them. She certainly looked like one, especially compared to the people around them.
Normal people.
He let his aura rest upon hers. He let his hand rest in hers. He let himself rest near her, his entire body parallel to hers. He wasn't frightened. He wasn't nervous. He wasn't anything at all. He was perfectly fine. He was just…not entirely used to being around normal people. Large groups of them. He passed through them, of course, but he never spent long enough amongst them to be noticed. For them to see that he was different. In the way he looked or moved or spoke or just…was. He had always been different. He had known for his entire life that he'd been different, there had never been a shortage of people waiting to tell him just how little he fit in. Well he didn't have to fit in. He didn't have to be anything other than himself. He was going to rule over all of this someday…that simple fact should have provided consolation. It didn't, none at all. He would rule the world someday in the future. This wasn't the future, this was the present, and in the present…in the present he was here and….
And at least he was near Shiori.
He leaned his head down against hers. She didn't shrug him off. She squeezed his hand in hers. There. The consolation he needed. It made no sense. He was the man and she was the woman. He should have been the one consoling him…but there was no need for that. She wasn't afraid or even nervous. She was a braver person than he was…and he could admit that. She liked it when he admitted his weakness. It was because she could defend herself, probably, not like Masami. Masami had been so fragile. She'd had no way to defend herself. If he had been weak then she would have felt…like this. Like the floor had been pulled out from under her. Like the world had both stopped turning or was turning much too fast. Like time was going by so fast that it seemed as though it was standing still. She would have needed someone to cling to and that someone would not have been him. She would have seen his weakness and left….
She had left anyway.
He frowned. His aura flared. There was a sudden movement of the trees above him. They were layered, then, in cherry blossom petals. They came down like a sudden summer storm. He hadn't meant to do that…his control should have been much better than this. He should have had better control over his powers and his emotions. He shouldn't even have been having any kind of emotional response at all. These were just cherry blossoms….he was just out in public….none of this was new to him.
"Well that something. Not saying it was something good but it was something alright." Said Shiori. She turned to face him, now. Her hair was light pink, nearly white with them. He found that he liked it. He had thought that she had been perfect before…but maybe perfection was simply the state she would always find herself in. Even if she was covered in cherry blossoms, a layer of them to thick he could barely see her hair.
He left them.
"It was a loss of control, one which I apologize for." Said Suzuki
"You're that jazzed over the cherry blossoms? Who knew you were so into nature." Said Shiori
"No, actually I find them incredibly dull and pointless." Said Suzuki
"Wow. You sure know how to make a girl feel special." Said Shiori
"Thank you, I try." Said Suzuki. Shiori went through so many changes of expression that he couldn't even pinpoint one to analyze. She settled, eventually, on laughing. She smiled and laughed, loudly, loud enough to earn them some attention.
He shrank back into her. He knew he would hate himself for this later.
"Touichi, I love you, but you can be really ridiculous sometimes." Said Shiori. Touichi. A shortened version of his name. This was not the first time he had been referred to as Toucihi. No, his mother used to call him that when he had been a baby. Up until middle school. Then girls had started calling him Touichi. Women loved to shorten names, it was a sign that they cared for you. A bit like them marking you as theirs. Girlfriends had called him Touichi before he had even known that they were girlfriends. Masami had called him Touichi, too, when they had met. The first time they'd ever had a real date.
It hadn't been to view the cherry blossoms.
Their first date had been the classic dinner on Valentine's Day. Then Sho had been conceived. And then two weeks after receiving the news they had been married. He didn't know if it counted as a date, later on, when they had seen the cherry blossoms together. Their first Showa Day. He had wanted to take her to Tokyo to see Showa's palace. She hadn't wanted to travel, having been in the worst of pregnancy at the time. Vomiting morning, noon, and night, mostly. Sho had been difficult even before he had been born. Masami hadn't been ready to travel much farther than the closest temple. She had insisted that they go somewhere, do something, since it was their first Golden Week as a married couple. She had been happy…or maybe miserable….he honestly hadn't been able to tell. She had alternated between fighting with him, shrinking away from him, and using him as a pillow while she cried and insisted that she loved him. She had been hormonal, she had said, and….well that made sense.
He was happy, in a way, that Shiori wasn't pregnant right now. He didn't know if he could have dealt with that again.
She had called him ridiculous, as she had told him before, but…but he could deal with that. He was being more than a little bit ridiculous. She was smiling, she had laughed, and she was happy. If he had made her happy then what else could have mattered? His emotions were as meaningless as these soon to be dried out and decayed cherry blossoms. She was the person who mattered. She was…he had to put her first.
He loved her.
"I apologize." Said Suzuki
"Why? I love it when you're ridiculous." Said Shiori
"For being…this way. For letting you see me like this." said Suzuki
"I've seen you first thing in the morning. Trust me, Touichirou, after your bedhead nothing could possibly scare me off." Said Shiori
"I am overdue for a haircut…" said Suzuki. Shiori reached up and ran a hand through his hair. It was getting long, not as long as Sho's of course, but long enough that he could see it starting to spike upwards. It actually needed brushing now, shaping. He hadn't had to do that since he'd been a child. He needed to cut it short again….later. She dragged her hand through his hair again. It felt good. He leaned into her touch.
He felt her ring.
The ring had flipped to the side. The gem was being dragged across his head…it felt nice. Sort of. He felt a bit like he imagined a cat would have. He wondered if people had any sort of instinctive sound they made when something felt good…platonically good. Did this still count as platonic? She loved him and he loved her so, really, did anything count as platonic with them anymore?
Nonsexual. That was a better word for it.
"Well let me appreciate it for a little while longer." Said Shiori
"If you want to. I don't mind." Said Suzuki
"What do you mind?" asked Shiori before she leaned in and kissed him. They were in public. They were too old for this. This was…if he had been younger than this would have been somewhat less unacceptable. He had never been one for public displays of affect, or being out in public on his own, and this….this was a lot. She had only leaned in and kissed him, nothing else. Not like the young people enthusiastically enjoying themselves two blankets down. This was…he didn't like this but he didn't dislike this either. There were so many things in this world that he disliked.
But she could never be one of them.
"Quite a few things. Sweet foods, rodents, people who raise their voices, people who chew with their mouths opened, pretty much everything my two oldest children do, fruits with thin skins, the way Tadashi tosses and turns-" said Suzuki. There were so many things that he disliked. It was hard to find a starting point. He had wanted to, been about to, start up about Tadashi. About how Tadashi made him feel everything at once. About how it wasn't fair that Tadashi was growing his hair out at a time when Suzuki couldn't touch it. That it was unfair that he knew what it was to be with Tadashi and now he would never know it again….
He decided to start with sweet foods.
They had been his most disliked foods for the entirety of his life. So therefore it made sense, the most sense, that he started from that point. He disliked sweet food and rodents…he would only say one word about Tadashi. One sentence. That was all he got. That was…..Shiori was his girlfriend and he loved her. She didn't want to hear about the man he…had feelings for…feelings that didn't matter.
Shiori was here. She mattered. He didn't.
"No, I meant just now. Something must have bothered you, unless you just felt like making it rain." Said Shiori with another laugh. She shook out her hair. Snow rained down, it looked like. Instead of a forest queen she was more like a winter queen. Not like the ice queen, though, he never could have imagined Shiori being frightened of anything let alone herself. As for running…well the thought of it was completely insane. Shiori running away…it might as well have snowed in April, actually snowed. It would have been more likely….
Shiori could never have been afraid of anything. He loved her.
"No, that had been completely accidental. It was just…I'm not used to crowds like this. Not unless I'm the one commanding the crowd, of course. Crowds…unnerve me." Said Suzuki. That was a good word for it, unnerving. This many people pressed in on all side of him. Blanket after blanket after blanket of this. He felt his skin crawl just speaking about it. His aura shuddered. Shiori scooted closer to him.
"Do you really think I'd let anything happen to you, Touichirou?" asked Shiori
"I…should not depend on you to protect me. I should be the one protecting you." Said Suzuki. Shiori rolled her eyes.
"I don't need to be protected, you know that." Said Shiori
"I know that you are perfectly capable of defending yourself but…but I know that I never could live with myself if something happened to you and I had a chance to stop it. If I were to lose you…I don't know if I could possibly go on if I were to lose you." Said Suzuki. He spoke softly, so softly that he wouldn't have been surprised if she hadn't been able to hear him. He hadn't wanted to hear himself. He didn't know…he had no idea what was coming next. What did she even want from him? If not his protection then….then what? The rules between men and women were so different now. The expectations were different…he didn't know what she wanted or what to do….
But she would tell him. She had never been shy about what she wanted from him.
"You're sweet, but we can go if you want." Said Shiori before she leaned in and kissed him again. He had no idea what she wanted. She was enjoying herself. If she was happy then what did she care about how he felt? She was the one in control here. He needed her more than she needed him. The only thing binding her to him was a thin gold ring.
One which she could have taken off at any time.
They weren't married. Even if they had been married there wasn't a child who bound them together. Even if they'd been married with a child then there was no guarantee that she would stay. She had the power to leave at any time. If she lost him then she could have easily found another man. He couldn't think of any man, any man at all, that would have been able to say no to her. She was perfect in every single way. He didn't know if there was even a woman out there who could have compared to her.
He needed her more than she needed him and….and that was….that was the way things were.
"But you're enjoying yourself. Please, continue to enjoy yourself." Said Suzuki. He didn't mind being here, not so much, not so much that he wanted to make her get up and leave. She was happy and there was nothing, really, that could have mattered more. He clung to that fact like a dying man clung to life. She loved him and he needed her to love him. She could have stopped at any time. She could have left him at any time. She…she could have…
She could have taken his hand in hers.
"I'm selfish but not that selfish. If you want to go somewhere else then we can. I mean it's not like I've never seen cherry blossoms before. You've seen petals falling off a tree once you've seen it a thousand times." Said Shiori. She clutched her hand in his. This was so….he held her hand back. She was there and…and she was thinking of him. Why did he care so much? Why did he care so much that she cared for him? She was letting him live in her home, she was wearing the ring that he had gotten her and…and he knew that she wasn't his. She would never be his…but the goal was not to possess her. The goal was to be hers, to be there with her, to be there….it was like a weight had been lifted.
He didn't understand himself sometimes.
Emotions were somehow becoming more and more difficult as he got older. He had been holding them at bay for as long as he could remember….maybe he was getting old. Or tired. His powers hadn't begun to fail him, not like his body, and he knew that with time he would only become frailer. Maybe he was losing mental fortitude or…or maybe….
Or maybe he was Suzuki Touichirou, he didn't have to be anywhere he didn't want to be, and that was the end of it.
"If you would be so kind." Said Suzuki. Shiori's feelings on the matter were taken into account and…and she shared his opinion. They had both seen this before and it wasn't as though it was going to change, to show them something new. There were other things that they could do together, other places that she enjoyed, places where he could move and…and that was part of it, being stationary. Moving helped…being near her helped more. Being near her could have made anything better. She made everything better. He held her hand in hers as they stood. He didn't know if he was afraid that she would leave or that he would lose control. He didn't know if it mattered. She was there with him. That was what mattered. This day had been….less than ideal…but he was with Shiori and nothing else mattered.
Seeing the cherry blossoms had been pointless…but her presence made them less so.