Mango pudding had nothing on chocolate.
Not that Shimazaki was ever going to tell Mob that, of course. This had been her idea and she so rarely initiated anything. Especially date nights. She was the one who had wanted to take him out for mango pudding and the last thing he was going to so was ruin this. He had to take her feelings into account, especially since she'd been having such a bad time lately. More of Suzuki being an asshole, Toshi had said, which…well he would have liked to have heard it from Mob, he loved it when they talked, it was still nice to know what was going on with his girlfriend. It was important to take an interest in your partner, all the books had said so, and Shimazaki….well he wasn't an idiot, of course he took an interest in his partners, but he could admit that he was a little selfish sometimes…but he could fix that.
Relationships were hard work.
"You did good, Mob." Said Shimazaki as he dug his tiny spoon into his mango pudding. Chocolate would always reign supreme to all other types of pudding. There was just something about it, something about how it always made you feel all warm and sticky inside, something that no other flavor of pudding could replicated. Sort of like going down on Toshi. Sort of like how he'd gone down on more people than he could count but Toshi was the only person he wanted to eat with a tiny spoon…wait…they wouldn't have gotten anything out of that….
It would come to him. He just had to eat more pudding until it did.
"Thanks. I mean I know you like chocolate better but it's important to eat all of the food groups and…well Minegishi said that you could take care of yourself but it's also my job to take care of you, I think." Said Mob as she poked at her own tiny pudding bowl. Shimazaki swallowed and then reached for hers. She passed it right to him. She wasn't a big pudding person. He'd find her something she liked. They were in the street food capital of the world after all. He'd find her something deep fried or covered in sugar or something. He'd take care of her too.
He liked taking care of her.
"It's my job to take care of you too. How about after this we find you something to eat? Mob food." Said Shimazaki
"I'm alright." Said Mob
"No you're not, you're hungry. I can tell." Said Shimazaki. If he watched her closely enough he could. Her stomach was rumbling, he could see it with his powers, and he could practically hear it too. It wasn't hard. She was the only thing worth focusing on around here. It should have been overwhelming, and it would have been if he had been twenty five years younger, but with her being so near…it was easy. She was the loudest thing around, and he assumed from what he'd heard the others say the brightest too, and she was right there. She was his. He watched her every move, every breathe she took, every time she blinked…he watched her like people watched TV. She was…what was the world? Entertaining? No….well yeah, but no. She was…she was a lot of things. Toshi-like?
Yeah, that was a good word for her.
She was Toshi like. Not in the prickly way but more like…in the soft way? They were both soft, like grass in the spring, and they were both warm, like a really old record…not a damaged one, just an old one. Yeah, that was what Mob and Toshi were like. Laying down in the fresh grass on a warm spring day with your record player next to you and also a big bag of those chocolates with the gum inside…yeah. That was Mob and Toshi. Well Mob, actually, since Toshi wasn't around right now. Just him and Mob.
How could he have possibly noticed anything other than her?
"I am…sorry, I don't really like pudding all that much. I just knew that you did and…and I just wanted to spend time with you, I guess." Said Mob
"If you want to spend time with me then just say so. You don't have to do anything special. I mean, don't get me wrong, I fucking love date night but I love…I care about you more, and shit." Said Shimazaki. He could feel someone giving him a look. Shimazaki flipped him off. He liked, maybe even loved, Mob and he didn't care who knew, especially not random eavesdroppers.
"I know that I can hang out with you…I just thought that I needed a reason and I wanted to…I guess get away from everyone, I don't know…it's complicated." Said Mob. She reached down into her bag, probably for her flask.
"It's empty, here." Said Shimazaki as he reached into his coat and pulled out a tiny bottle of something or other he'd liberated from a hotel. Mob deserved whatever this was, unless it was something that she didn't like. Dry gin…but who the fuck stocked a minibar with tiny bottles of dry gin…but if it was dry gin then he could bring her home and make her a white Russian or something. She needed it.
"Thanks." Said Mob as she took his flask from him. More looks, this time by more than just the one eavesdropper. He didn't get it, not one bit, and he would never get it. Why did people care so much? Live and let live. Worrying about other people just took up time that could have been spent having fun. He would never understand people, never had been and never would be able to.
"You can have the rest of that…but maybe not on a full stomach. Come on, let's find you something to eat. I'm thinking….that way." said Shimazaki as he pointed to the left where the smell of something deep fried and delicious was wafting over from. Mob liked deep fried food, but then again who didn't? Well Tsuchiya but she as all about healthy living, which he understood, but she was also all about tormenting Mukai with it…which he never understood.
When you loved someone then you put their happiness first.
Shimazaki didn't know any of his kids, or even how many he had, but he knew that if he had been a part of their lives he would have made sure that they spent every moment of their lives free and happy. No rules, no responsibilities, not locking them in their rooms for the first five years of their lives. Nothing. His kids were going to know what the outside world was like and all the things it had to offer them, like delicious food. Mukai was always hungry, or maybe it was just the fact that he was always blowing smoke in her face to calm her down, or maybe it was a combination of the two, and Tsuchiya knew what she liked but she was always trying to get her fruit without even any coding and vegetables…raw ones, no dipping sauce or anything. She knew that Mukai hated that shit but she still made her eat it. Even as a kid Ryou had still been allowed to eat whatever he'd wanted, when he had been allowed to eat. No kid of his was ever going to live like that…
But Mukai wasn't his kid, his actual kid, so he didn't get a say.
"Ryou, look! A baby!" said Mob. He could sense it. It was smiling and reaching out. He waved at it. He wasn't going to borrow it, not when he'd be so easily noticed, and not while he was with Mob. She would have had a problem with that. He didn't get why, she liked kids too. She had been talking about for months how she wanted to have one. She really should have just gone for it. She was Mob. She was so incredibly just…everything. The whole package, like Toshi was. She was pretty, she was smart, she was nice, she was thoughtful, she smelled good…who could have said no to her? Well aside from him. He liked Mob a lot, maybe even loved her, but having kids…
That was a Toshi thing.
A Toshi thing that was never going to happen…but he'd made his peace with that. He loved Toshi and Toshi loved him but Toshi didn't want kids and he loved Toshi so he was going to leave it be. They didn't want to have one or to borrow or steal one and that was…that was ok. When Mob had a kid then he could help her take care of it until it outgrew him. Sho had outgrew him and that was ok…ok-ish…or something. Yeah alright…it was alright…
Everything was alright.
"Careful." Said Shimazaki as he put his hand on her back and steered her to safety. It was so crowded out here. She didn't see the way he did, and she was stumbling around too. Not sloppy drunk but getting there…right, right, right. She shouldn't have been drinking on an empty stomach…well she could do whatever she wanted. She could do whatever she wanted and Toshi could do whatever they wanted and he could do whatever he wanted to do. It was a free country?
Right?
"Thank you….um…where are we going?" asked Mob
"To whatever that amazing smell is." Said Shimazaki
"What smell?" asked Mob as he pulled her close to his chest. Way too many people…was it a holiday or something? Maybe. He hoped that it wasn't. If it was then Mob would have been expecting something and he didn't have enough time to put it together...why couldn't she be more like Toshi? They didn't care about holidays…but he kind of did…and he liked that about Toshi….and he liked that about Mob…he liked a lot of things.
"The deep frying…smell…thing." Said Shimazaki
"This smell? The one all around us?" asked Mob
"Yeah, whatever that is we're going to eat it. I know you love fried shit, I mean everyone does, but I especially know you love it so that's what we're going to eat." Said Shimazaki
"But…I think that it's a combination of all the smells, not just one smell." Said Mob
"Mob….I think that you're right. Ok then, you know what we have to do now." Said Shimazaki
"Get some fried tofu? And some fried crabsticks? And some fried meat on a stick? But not fried locusts, I don't like locusts at all." said Mob
"Locusts….when have you eaten a locust?" asked Shimazaki
"One time when I was little. I mean it had been Sho's idea, he's a boy and boys can be kind of gross like that….sorry. I mean I know that other people liked them but I don't ever think that I could eat a giant bug….or even any kind of bug." Said Mob
"I don't blame you. One time Toshi got us these deep fried crickets things, I think that we were in….Thailand…yeah, ok, we were definitely in Thailand. There's so much to eat in Thailand but Toshi, for some reason, wanted deep fried crickets. I mean I love Toshi so I went with it…tasted like chicken…but I think that I'll stick to actual chicken." Said Shimazaki
"Why did they want to eat crickets in Thailand? Thailand has good food, like chicken coconut soup. I like it, Sho doesn't, but Sho doesn't like a lot of things…." Said Mob
"Hey, Sho likes a lot of great shit. He'd the one who figured out the thing about the poptarts in ranch-" said Shimazaki
"No! I don't even want to think about that! How can you guys possibly eat like that?" asked Mob
"With a lot of chewing and swallowing." Said Shimazaki
"Gross." Said Mob, sticking out her tongue.
"Ok, ok, nothing with ranch." Said Shimazaki
"Ok…but can we get deep fried tofu? I like deep fried tofu." Said Mob
"No, well yes, but no. What we have to do, Mob, is to get one of everything and then eat until we can't eat anymore." Said Shimazaki
"So we have to eat until we get sick?" asked Mob
"No…well yes…but no….but also yes…I'll get back to you in a minute." Said Shimazaki
"Do you want me to set a timer?" asked Mob
"Uh…maybe. Get back to me about that in a minute too…and stick close, it's crowded as fuck here and I don't want anything to happen to you. Anything bad, I mean. I don't know, actually, what I'd if I let something happen to you…." Said Shimazaki. He really didn't. She was Mob, she was stronger than anyone he'd ever met in his life, but he knew that if it came down to it she wouldn't have been able to defend herself. She was Mob. She was too nice for all of that. If he had been in her place then…well he wouldn't have been walking around with a black eye….
Or whatever that thing was.
He could tell, if he focused, that she had a lot of broken veins and blood pooled under her eye. He'd gotten, and given, plenty of blackeyes. He knew what they looked like…and he couldn't believe that she'd let Suzuki hit her. Sure Suzuki was strong but Mob might have honestly been stronger. She was certainly younger. She had the upper hand when it came to agility and reaction times…and being able to stand up without throwing her back out. Mob could have one if she'd fought…but he knew her and he knew that she would never fight her dad…
And neither would he.
He knew he wouldn't be able to win if he went up against Suzuki. He'd done it once and only once, back when he'd first been recruited, and he had lost. He had lost so badly that he…well he didn't like to think about it. Shimazaki wasn't an idiot, he knew that even with as many years had gone by Suzuki was still stronger than him. He was useless to Mob, to everyone, if he was dead. So Suzuki lived another day…even if he had treated Mob like crap….
Shimazaki could make it better.
Or at least he could make her happier. Life was pointless if you were unhappy. It was like…what was the point? When you were happy then it was like time moved forwards. When you were unhappy it felt like it crawled to a stop. Sometimes he wished that he could stop time but only if he could be caught in a good moment. Like the first time he ever went outside, or like when he'd gotten his dog, or when he'd met…when he'd met a lot of people in his life. When he'd first met Toshi…when he'd told them he loved them….the first time he'd realized….living in good moments was good. Living in the bad moments, like how your mind just sort of got stuck on everything bad that had ever happened to you, like when you had a crack in a record and it just got stuck in one place. Getting stuck in that place, that bad place…..
It didn't matter. He wouldn't get himself or Mob caught in that bad place.
No, they were going to get stuck in the good place. If they had to be caught in the moment then he was going to make it a good one…for her, of course. If he had been trying to make this a good moment for him then he knew exactly what he would have done. There was a guy walking beside them carrying way too much. If he tripped him, pushed him off to the side, then he could end up bumping into….no, no, Mob…as funny as it would have been to watch everyone go down like dominos Mob wouldn't have liked it at all…and he had to make her happy…
But what would have made her happy.
Maybe….oh! He knew. Mob liked being up high. Only good things happened when you were up high. Some of the best times of his life had been on the tops of buildings, on top of the world. Hell, he had first kissed her when they had been on top of the world together…yeah, ok, he knew what he was going to do.
Rooftop picnic time….Mob liked those…
Usually.
He had expected her to have at least been happy once they got there but she was just back to her same old self….well the same old self that she'd been since they got to Hongkong. Not even a rooftop picnic and what he assumed was an amazing view could bring her out of this. Maybe the sky was too crowded here. Even up this high he could still feel people all around him…people and walls. Felt like home….but not in a good way…but whatever. Mob felt like shit. He could feel like shit after she was done feeling like shit. If they both felt like shit then this relationship would go nowhere because they would have both felt too shitty to get anything done, like with what happened with him and Toshi sometimes. Well Mob wasn't Toshi and…and if she had been then he would have at least asked them how they felt. They would have told him to leave them alone, of course, but Mob….Mob wasn't like that.
"Mob wasn't Toshi."
"Huh?" asked Mob. Oh shit, had he said that out loud? Well either that or she could read minds…he thought about puppies and kittens. No reaction…so either she didn't like puppies and kittens anymore or she couldn't read minds…damn, it would have been so cool if she had known how to read minds but whatever….what had they been….
Oh, right.
"You're not Toshi." Said Shimazaki between bites of fried tofu. Mob had her barrier up around them, the only reason why their picnic didn't end up blowing away. It didn't even move, shake, or shudder as she stared at him quizzically. Right, she was not Toshi, she didn't always know exactly what he meant…but that was ok….not as easy as talking to Toshi, when they were in a good mood, but ok.
"I know, I'm Mob. You're Ryou." Said Mob. She pointed at herself and then him. He took her hand in his and kissed it. She smiled for a second, that was all he needed. That was about how long Toshi spent smiling at him….but she wasn't Toshi…and he didn't know why in the hell he kept on thinking about Toshi. Maybe because they were the love of his life and Mob…well he might have loved her…the whole thing was really complicated…he knew who he was and he knew who they were and…it was a lot.
"I know, I was just thinking. I mean I know who I am and I know who you are. You're not Toshi, you know, and…ok, I don't like seeing Toshi sad or pissed off but that's normal for them. It's not normal for you so it's really throwing me off here. I mean I know why you're upset, you dad's the biggest asshole I've ever met, and-" said Shimazaki
"I know, I know, I know." Said Mob running a hand through her hair and sighing.
"That your dad is an asshole? Yeah, I figured. You've known him longer than I have." Said Shimazaki. Obviously he'd hit a nerve…somehow. He hadn't meant to…and anyway Mob didn't have nerves like this to hit. She never got pissed off like this…
"No I mean I know…I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me that he loves me and that I shouldn't feel like….like he doesn't." said Mob
"No, I would never say that." Said Shimazaki. Oh. Good. She was purely pissed at Suzuki…but why? It was obvious that he didn't love her. He obviously didn't think of people in terms of, well, their personhood. It was obvious that he thought of people in terms of what they could do to serve him. He was just that kind of bastard. Who in the hell had been telling Mob that Suzuki actually loved her and what were they smoking?
"Say what?" asked Mob
"That he loves you. I don't think that he loves you as a person. I think that he loves you for what you can do for him, not who you are. My Dad was like that too. I honestly don't know why you put up with it. By the time I was your age I was pretty much done with my dad." Said Shimazaki
"Wait…you think that my dad hates me?" asked Mob. There was a crack in her voice. She was taking this the wrong way. Suzuki didn't hate her, not like he hated traitors and people who talked during meetings, but then again hate was a spectrum…but Mob probably wasn't on it.
"I don't know if he hates you, he kills the people he hates, but I don't think that he loves and I don't know why you're letting him get to you like this." said Shimazaki
"I…I don't think that he loves me anymore either…he said that he hated the person that I've become…" said Mob
"See? He's an asshole. Pass the tofu?" asked Shimazaki. He held out his hand.
"Here…um…here…." Said Mob. Her hand brushed up against his. It was like she had been dragging his feel against a wool carpet and then touched something metal. A shock, but a good one.
"This is really good, Mob, you did good." Said Shimazaki
"Thanks…thank you….it's just…everybody says that my dad loves me and its just…I know that he doesn't. He doesn't act like it anymore and he even said….he said so many mean things. Everyone says that he loves me but when they say it then it just…it kind of hurts, you know? Like…like I don't know my own feelings or…or something. Do you know what I mean?" asked Mob softly.
"Of course I do. People love to tell you how to feel, it makes them feel better, but you can't let people tell you how to feel." Said Shimazaki
"You're right….I can't let people tell me what to feel." Said Mob
"Yeah, it's your life. Live it however you want to live it." Said Shimazaki
"Minegishi said that too." Said Mob
"Well, yeah, Toshi's smart as fuck. You should listen to them." Said Shimazaki
"But then they said that I wasn't allowed to have a baby and…and it's not their decision and…and I know that it's a lot of work but…but I think that I could do it. I think that I could take care of Shoko." Said Mob
"You'd be great, Mob, I know you would. If you want to have a kid then have a kid. Like I said before, do whatever you want." Said Shimazaki
"I…I don't know…I don't know about a lot of things…um…can I ask you something?" asked Mob
"You can ask me anything." Said Shimazaki. Mob was playing with her braid, now, so she was either nervous or fixing it. He had no idea what she had to be nervous about so she must have been fixing it. He didn't know why, it wasn't like there was anyone up there who cared what her hair looked like.
"What's it like to be an orphan?" asked Mob. Shimazaki finished chewing and shrugged.
"Pretty great, why? Thinking of taking your dad out?" asked Shimazaki. He….would have to talk her out of it if she was serious. He couldn't lose her, and he didn't want to die either, so…maybe Molly? He had a lot of it and Mob seemed like she would have been into it. She probably would have been able to handle it better than Sho had.
"N-No!" said Mob
"Good. I mean I'd normally be happy to help you but, really, unless you know that you're going to win for sure then I'd just leave all of that alone. Me? I knew what I was doing…well the first time I tried. That fire…that was not my fault…but whatever, the outcome is the same. Your dad's getting old, Mob, and eventually you'll be able to take him. Just wait ten or twenty years…thirty if he ends up being one of those guys who lives forever." Said Shimazaki
"Yeah, like Fukuda…um….the thing is I don't want him dead. I just want…I don't want him to have another baby!" said Mob. Shimazaki blinked, it was instinctive. Suzuki…was going to have another kid? That was…something.
"Wait, he knocked someone else up?" asked Shimazaki. That was the most difficult part to wrap his mind around. A woman had actually wanted to sleep with Suzuki…he wished that he'd seen stranger things but he didn't think that anything stranger had ever existed.
"No, yes, no….I don't know for sure which and I can't ask and I don't…I don't even want to ask! I don't want to talk to Shiori at all and….and she just…I don't like her and I don't want a stepmom and I don't want to be an orphan!" said Mob
"Well it's going to be one or the other. If you're an orphan then you won't have a stepmom and if you're an orphan than you won't have to deal with your Dad or his girlfriend anymore. I'd pick the orphanage if I were you, but I don't know why you care. I mean if your dad has another baby then it's more work for you but, hey, more babies." Said Shimazaki
"I….I don't want a baby brother or sister. I don't want any more siblings than mine and…and if Dad has another baby then he won't need any of us anymore. Sho is used to it and I'm old enough to get used to it but Mukai is only three and if Dad replaced her then…then she'll be sad." Said Mob
"That's true, she'll be sad, and yeah I'd fuck your dad up if I could….but you know what? At least if he cuts all of you lose you won't have to deal with his shit. You'll be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, and let me tell you it's pretty fucking amazing." Said Shimazaki
"But…but I don't know what I'd do if my dad didn't love me or…or want me…" said Mob softly. He didn't understand, he didn't think that he ever would have been able to. He reached over and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. Did she honestly not get it? She had been living her life for the past thirteen years in service to her father. What was she so upset about? She was free now. She could live the next thirteen years of her life doing whatever she wanted…or however long she planned on living.
He hoped she stuck around for a while.
Because, really, things had just started to pick up between them. She was finally free of Suzuki and his constant demands on her time. Now they would really spend time together. He might have even been able to bring Toshi along with them. They had said that the age thing weirded them out, he had no idea why, but Toshi could feel however they wanted to feel and he could feel however he wanted to feel…and right now he wanted to feel good. Mob should have felt good, too, she was finally free and now they could really have a good time together. His life had always been one big today but now…well now Mob could join in his today….like every day was one big party or whatever…
Partying around the world…perfect.
"That's the fun part. You'll be able to do whatever you wanted to do, literally anything. You can try everything, anything, and then you can…it's fun, is what I'm getting at. A life where you're free, that's the best kind of life, you know? Like a constant, never ending, party." said Shimazaki
"I didn't look at it like that but…but it's hard. I mean my dad's never hated me before…I mean if he hated me then he would have done worse than hit me but-" said Mob
"But it still hurts. Believe me, I know. It's going to hurt for a while. You're going to spend a lot of years, if you're anything like me, trying to get into his good graces. See, it was faster for me because my dad always openly hated me. Your dad…well he's a weird guy and I honestly don't think he knows how people work. I think that in some ways it'll be easier for you and in some ways it'll be harder for you." Said Shimazaki
"I don't want it to be easy…or hard. I don't want it to be anything." Said Mob
"Well it's something, it's always going to be something, but we can make it something good. I mean I could make things better for you….I mean I want to. I like…you a lot and I just want you to be happy." Said Shimazaki
"I…I'm happier, I think. I think you made me feel a lot better." Said Mob before she leaned in and kissed him. Not for long, no, she left as fast as she came, or was it she came as fast as she left? It didn't last long enough, that was all, but that was alright. He could have kissed anyone. Being with Mob….that wasn't what this was about.
"You'll feel even better later. It's almost your birthday, right? What…what do you want? I could make your pancake mountain this year or…or waffles, even." Said Shimazaki quickly. She always made him feel like this, like she had knocked him onto his ass. She was the only person who could do that. Not even Toshi…well maybe it was because things were so much less precarious with Toshi than they were with Mob.
"I don't want anything…not even a pancake tower." Said Mob softly. Maybe she was drunk…no. Drunk Mob wasn't a downer like this….but this was weird. Mob loved her birthday, well she loved birthdays in general, and she loved the pancake tower. He loved it. They loved it…it was one of those things that they loved together. That they had in common and shit…and they needed to have things in common or…ok, ok, calm down. She's fine. She's…she'd fine.
"Really? I mean thirteen is a lot of pancakes but you know I'm going to help you with that…or just take them all off your hands." Said Shimazaki as he scooted over so that he was beside her. She must have just been down about Suzuki still, that was all. Yeah, that made sense.
"If you want pancakes then I can make you some…but I don't want anything. I just want my birthday to be over with. I don't want to get any older…I think that's why my dad doesn't like me, he doesn't want me to get any older. He said so…that he hates the person I've become…" said Mob
"Well I love the person you've become and your dad….well he's an asshole and I don't know why you care what he thinks of you. Especially since it's your birthday. It's your day and you can't just let him take that from you. You can't just let him steal your birthday." Said Shimazaki
"Well he did kind of give it to me…because he's my dad and if it wasn't for him then I never would have been born. So I guess that I owe him or…or something? I don't know I didn't ask to be born." said Mob
"None of us did but that doesn't mean that he gets to ruin your birthday. If he doesn't like the person you are or whatever then that's his problem. He doesn't have to celebrate your birthday with you if he doesn't want to and you don't deserve to have your birthday ruined like that." Said Shimazaki. Birthdays were sacred to Mob, like temple days or whatever, or actually something better because she actually enjoyed them. Not that he had ever known her to go to any kind of temple…but whatever, the comparison still stood. Birthdays were sacred to Mob and Suzuki didn't get to just come in and ruin them for her. She didn't owe him her birthday or anything.
"Um…I don't know." Said Mob
"Well I do. We'll a good day, don't worry. We'll do whatever you like…hey, do you like Molly?" asked Shimazaki. There. The perfect way to ring in another year of her life. Of course she was going to like Molly, everyone did, though he hoped that she was less of a downer than Sho had been…maybe he had just gotten all of the downer genes. Yeah, that would have made sense.
"Who's she?" asked Mob
"A really common name, but also the name of something that I think you'll love. You've been really…like this, lately, and I don't like it. So how about on your birthday, or whenever, we dump all the feel good chemicals in our brains at once?" asked Shimazaki
"Is it fun?" asked Mob
"The most fun you'll ever have in your life. Kind of like coke but without the potential to go to a bad place. It's like the world is love or whatever and everything's better when you're on it. Music, drinks, sex, everything's turned all the way up. It's good." Said Shimazaki. He threw an arm around her…but she pulled away from him…
"Oh…" said Mob
"What?" asked Shimazaki. Fuck…he'd fucked up. He didn't know how he'd fucked up but he knew that he must have…damn it!
"Do you want to? I mean…I can do that with you if you want…but I don't know if I want to…I mean I already did that once so I know it's not that bad…" said Mob. What was she…oh, ok, now he got it. He didn't know what she was being all nervous about. She knew that this wasn't a sex thing. Well of course he wanted to sleep with her, she was Mob, but that wasn't the end goal here. The end goal was love and happiness and all of that. He could have slept with anyone and, yeah, Mob was special but he wasn't going to push her. That wasn't how relationships worked.
"Oh, I know what you mean. Whenever you feel like it. Ball's in your court, Mob." Said Shimazaki with a wave of his hand. That didn't put her any more at ease. She was playing with her hair, now, and she was either nervous or fixing it. He assumed that she was nervous…why? If she wanted to then he was right there and if she wasn't then they could get back to their rooftop picnic.
"But I don't think that I want to. I mean I want to have Shoko but not with you…no offense…and you don't want to have a baby with me so I don't know why I would want to." Said Mob
"Because I'm amazing in bed." Said Shimazaki with a shrug. Why else? He liked her, she liked him, he knew what he was doing, he was invested in making her happy, so why bring all of this heavy stuff into it?
"What do you mean? How can someone be amazing at…stuff? It's boring and kind of slimy." Said Mob. Was she being…she was being serious. Poor Mob. Well of course she didn't want to after the night she'd had before. Honestly. Who was RAISING these people? Who just put a person out in the world who treated someone like Mob, or anyone, like that. Shimazaki had done a lot of terrible things, morally dubious things, and mildly annoying things in his life and he had never even come close to kicking someone right out of bed…and the first time, too. That fucking kid….
"Mob….I feel so sorry for you, truly I do, and if I ever find that kid I'm going to kick his ass." Said Shimazaki
"Ryou! Don't! I don't…I mean I don't like Teru anymore but I don't want you to beat him up." Said Mob. Shimazaki really didn't understand her sometimes. If someone had treated him like that then they wouldn't have been able to so much as limp away…but that was him. Mob was sweet…and it was heartbreaking, sometimes.
"Well maybe I should. I mean the guy did completely ruin sex for you and I can't just let that stand." Said Shimazaki
"It's not ruined…I mean it didn't hurt. Minori said that it would so…so at least there's that." Said Mob
"That's not even the bare minimum, Mob, that's just not being an asshole. Don't worry, it gets better. You'll find someone better…mainly because I can't think of anyone who would have done a worse job." Said Shimazaki
"I still don't know what you mean by that…by better or worse. Isn't all just…slimy?" asked Mob
"Not if you don't want it to be. Tell you what, you know where I live and if you ever want to-" said Shimazaki
"Oh…well….I don't know. I just want to make you happy." Said Mob quickly. Whatever made him happy…well her happiness was his happiness. He'd read that, once, and it made sense. When you loved someone then their happiness was yours and yours was theirs and then it all just a love…pudding cup…or something.
"And I just want to make you happy." Said Shimazaki, his hand moving a little higher up her leg. She didn't shrug him off. She leaned into him. That was a good sign. He ventured up a little higher, then, and she let him.
"Wouldn't it cancel out, then, if all I want to do is make you happy and if all you want to do is make me happy then…then how does that work?" asked Mob as he traced circles in her inner thigh.
"Then we're both happy, that's how it works." Said Shimazaki softly. Mob nodded and then leaned back into his chest. He kissed the back of her neck and pulled her closer. She let him.
"Would…would it make you happy to…" said Mob as she put her hand on is sleeve. He stopped moving and waited. She pressed her hand onto his wrist…but didn't push his hand away.
"Making you happy would make me happy." Said Shimazaki. He moved, again, in circles. She ran her fingers in circles over his sleeve. He wished he had taken his coat off before this. He would have loved to have felt her hand on his. He would have loved whatever it was that she wanted from him.
"Um…I don't know if this would make me happy." Said Mob
"Then I'll stop." Said Shimazaki
"I don't know if I want you to stop." Said Mob. Well that wasn't helpful. This was a stop or go situation, and if he messed up then….well this was not the place to be messing up. Especially with Mob and all she'd been through sex wise.
"Then I'll keep going f you want me to. If not then I'll stop. You know what I think of you, that you're amazing, and you know that I'm into you but it's not a sex thing. Not unless you want it to be. I get, well I kind of get, where you're coming from and the last thing I want to do is fuck up what we have. This is the second best relationship I've ever been in, you know, or maybe you and Toshi are tied for first. I mean I love them and…and I lo…really like you…so I guess you're tied. I don't know." Said Shimazaki
"I…don't know either…can we just get back to our picnic? I would…I'd like that." Said Mob. Shimazaki pulled his hand away, and didn't say a word about how closely she resembled a tsunami right now.
"Sure, whatever you want." Said Shimazaki as he let go of her. She scooted away from him and got back to the picnic. Damn, that could have been fun…but whatever. She was happy now, she was smiling again, and that was what mattered. She'd been so down for so long…well he should have helped her with that long before this. She was his girlfriend, his partner, and you had to be there for your partner. Put them ahead of you and stuff. That was where he'd gone wrong with Toshi, why they'd left that one time. He couldn't risk that happening with Mob. He couldn't fuck up one of the best things in his life. That was what, who, Mob was…one of the best things in his life.
He liked her, loved her, even more than he loved chocolate…and he really loved chocolate.