"Laughter is the language of the soul, or so they say, and these coming writers simply excelled at lifting our souls to new heights with delight."
"Oh man, some of these stories had me laughing like crazy. I mean, I didn't think I could have laughed that hard if I wanted to. They were so funny…"
"Matt… what are you doing?"
"I'm just…"
"You're still a bit mad you aren't on this list, aren't you?"
"Well, I mean… I did have quite a few stories that could have…"
Jason just groaned. "Let's please welcome, to announce the nominees for Best Comedy Story, Monkey Fist and DNAmy!"
Monkey Fist and DNAmy approach the podium together. He looks decidedly uncomfortable as she grips his arm, giggling the whole way.
"Oh cuddleums, isn't this simply wonderful?"
"How many times do I have to tell you, I am not your cuddleums… or your Montykins… or any other childish name you can come up with for me?"
"Oh Monty, you keep saying that, but I know you're just playing hard to get. And now, we get to present the award for best comedy story. Isn't that just keen?"
"I should have been presenting the action story, rather than that blond buffoon and the child. I am a master of Tai Shing Pek Kwar."
"Oh Monty, I'm sure they'll let you present it next year. So anyways, the nominees for Best Comedy Story are…"
It's Addictive, by Spectre666…
"Oh, yeah, well anyway, all women are the same, but they're all different, OK?"
Kim nodded suspiciously, "Ok, so?'
"So I have to practice to find the differences. Besides, Sensei said it was impossible."
Kim was immediately interested, "What's impossible?"
"KP, there are over two hundred pleasure points on a woman."
"Two…two hundred?'
"Yes, and Sensei said it was impossible for any woman to sustain being stimulated that much."
"Two hundred." Kim licked her lips.
"Uh huh, so you see why I've…Hey!" Kim grabbed his tee shirt, hauling him off the couch. "KP, what are you…" She pulled him towards the stairs. "KP, I told you it was impossible!"
"Impossible? Check my name."
V.
"Mrs. Dr. P.?"
"Hello, Ron, if you're looking for Kim, I thought she was with you?"
"She is, sorta, Mr. Dr. P. there?"
"No, he and the boys went to the lab for something. I can tell him you called."
"NO, uh no Mrs. Dr. P., I'll be right over."
"Now I wonder what that's all about." Mrs. Possible mused to herself.
Ten minutes later she found out when Ron knocked on her kitchen door. "Ron, what are you…Kim!"
"Hi, Mrs. Dr. P." He stood there in the porch light, a limp boneless body cradled in his arms. "It's ah, not what you think."
"I didn't know Kim had a mission. I'll call the hospital and…"
"No, no, no, Mrs. P. Kim's not hurt. Honest."
Mrs. Possible looked closely at her daughter. Other than the closed eyes and limp limbs, she couldn't see an injury, and she didn't think she had ever seen that satisfied a smile on her daughter's face.
She frowned, "Ronald, what have you and Kim been doing."
"Not, not what you're thinking, Mrs. P. Believe me. Can I take her up to her room, please?"
"All right," Anne stepped aside, leaning to tell Ron, "but you and I are going to have a talk, understand?"
"Yes, ma'am, I understand." Ron stammered, heading down the hall and up the stairs.
Anne followed, "What did Ronald do this summer? He's carried Kim from his house, apparently, and up the stairs, and he's not even breathing hard." "Set her on the bed and wait for me downstairs, Ron. After I get her settled, we'll talk."
"Yes, ma'am." Ron tried to follow her orders, but found a resistant Kim, moaning, "no…don' go…again…pleas…an than' you."
Anne's eyebrow's rose as she stared at a blushing Ron. She pried her daughter's reluctant arms from around his neck. "Go."
"Gone." Ron almost ran from the room.
Anne Possible gazed down at her limp, smiling, disheveled daughter, unable to hide her grin, "Young lady, you and I are going to have a looong talk."
Mind Games : Redux, by Cid Gregor…
Ron shrunk away from her. "I did something wrong again, didn't I?"
"Do you know ANYTHING about matching?" Kim demanded.
"Uh, hello! Male, here! No fashion sense!"
Kim jerked a thumb toward him. "Off."
".Are you coming on to me?"
".Yes, Ron, I'm coming on to my own body."
"That's exactly what you--wait, what.?"
"Just take the clothes off, Ron. Like I care if I see myself naked."
"The point stands that I, Ron, would be standing here naked in front of you, Kim, which is VERY AWKWARD FOR RON!"
On A Short Leash, by StarvingLunatic…
"Keep hollering like that and Ill show you some real pet abuse," Shego threatened the girl.
"Pet abuse!"
Shego dived at Kim, who rolled out of the way just in time to miss being pounced. The redhead laughed since her mistress had not caught her and had crashed onto the floor. Shego was on Kim in a flash while she was busy chuckling; the younger female was very surprised when she was captured. Kim yelped as her mistress pinned her to the floor. Shego grabbed Kims hands and held them over her head with one hand so that the redhead could not flail her arms again.
"Now, are you done acting up?" the pale woman inquired with a triumphant smirk.
"Did you ever consider that this is what I wanted all along?" Kim countered with a smile of her own.
You Kissed a Synthodrone, by Scoutcraft Piratess…
A heavy sigh came from the living room entrance. "Dear, I don't think you're going to have to worry about blowing Erik to smithereens." His wife paused there, cup of coffee in hand and the same tired expression she had been wearing for the past hour all over her face. "You saw the news. That brain-immitating synthogoo ran right out of him. And Kimmie took care of the rest. She can handle evil, you know that."
Mr. Possible sniffed. "Just because Kimmie's date turned out to be a villainous robot that was destroyed doesn't mean he can't bring her home at a decent hour!"
"Actually..."
He readjusted the rocket's aim. Hit the center of the porch. That would probably get everything. "I've decided that we're done with this conversation."
She sighed again and shook her head. "Okay, you're her father! Just don't expect a whole lot."
Curse that reminder. He had been waiting for an excuse to test this rocket. "But–"
Whatever argument he was going to attempt to bring up was shot down with the sound of footsteps outside.
Mrs. Possible gave a girlish squeal more appropriate for Kim's older sister than her mother. "Oh, Kimmie's first prom! And she's going to tell me all about it!"
The door opened and Kim stepped in, all aglow.
She better not have been holding hands with some boy. Mr. Possible stared past his daughter to the porch. Empty. Except for a lone figure spinning away. He carefully focused the rocket. A moving target... that would be a most interesting test... it'd have to be done eventually, why not now?
"Dad, leave Ron alone," Kim practically sang, doing a twirl across the carpet.
"Good time at the prom, Kimmie?" Mrs. Possible asked, setting down her coffee. "We were watching that bit on the news, I thought that Erik was such a nice guy..."
"So I have bad taste, Mom." She laughed. "But Ron! Wow! Mom, I wound up with Ron at the dance! You know, after I rushed home without a word to grab my dress..."
"Bad topic, your father was panicking over Erik. Old Mrs. Gertrude Williams may never recover from that plasma bomb."
"She earned it for stealing our paper!" Mr. Possible said defensively. "But.. Ronald? You met up with Ronald?"
Kim nodded. He had never seen his daughter so happy. This sort of happy... it almost wasn't normal. Almost not Kimmy...
"It was the weirdest thing!" she continued. "I never knew how wonderful Ron was! We went into the gym, and everyone cheered and..." She sighed. "And then we kissed."
"Kissed?" Mr. Possible's eyes widened. "Ronald kissed you?" His face twisted into a frown. "And I thought he was such a nice boy..." Now what direction was the Stoppable residence in?
"And the winner is…
Mind Games : Redux, by Cid Gregor!"
Cid Gregor walked up onto the stage, his eyes wide.
"Well...I must say this is a surprise. I mean, wow...I didn't even know these awards existed until I got the notice that I was nominated!"
"Well, I'm thankful to those of you who nominated me for my first (and hopefully not last) KP fic, and thank you as well for giving me my third award-winning fanfic. And most of all, thank you to Ravenstar, for not ever shutting up about KP to the point where I just HAD to check it out to see what he was babbling about. I mean it with love, man. Look for me to grace the KP ficdom again someday, hopefully in the not-too-distant future!"
Jason and Matt shake his hand, and Jason nods to the audience. "That's what that is all about. Every story has a chance, no matter how doubtful you feel. Hopefully, we see him gracing the KP universe again very soon!"
"For now though, let's welcome Blessed Union of Souls, with She Likes Me For Me!"
She don't care about my car
And she don't care about my money
And that's real good
'cause I don't got a lot to spend
But if I did, it wouldn't mean nothin'
She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford
Oozing out my ears
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions,
And the tears upon the
Pillow that I shed
She don't care about my big screen
Or my collection of DVD's
Things like that just never
Mattered much to her
Plus she don't watch too much T.V.
She don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
If she really wants to go
I think deep down she knows
That, all she has to say is when
She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in Fargo
I think his name is Steve
She's the one for me
And I just can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Gazing at the ceiling
As we entertain our feelings in the dark
The things that we're afraid of
Are gonna show us what
We're made of in the end
She likes me for me
Not because I sing like Pavarotti
Or because I'm such a hottie
(sigh)
I like her for her
Not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford
She has got so much to offer
Why does she waste all her time with me
There must be something there that I don't see
I don't see
She likes me for me
Not because I'm tough like Dirty Harry
Make her laugh just like Jim Carey
Unlike The Cable Guy
But what she sees
Is that I can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Yeah, I'm so glad I found her once again