Ritsu had changed clothes three times before he remembered that Sho was coming at night.

He shouldn't have been this excited. He felt like Teru before a date, a real one not one of their dates. To Ritsu all of his clothes had just been that, clothes. You put on a shirt and then some pants and then you did what you had to do. He had always thought that he was lucky, being a guy, not having to worry about clothes. Well now he got it. Somehow everything in his closet was dumb. Too babyish, mom still bought all of his clothes for him, or too old or too small or too big or too little or too much. Somehow in the span of one day he'd gone from not caring that Mom got most of his clothes at Togs For Tots to debating waking her up and telling her that he never wanted to step foot in the store again.

He hadn't, of course.

That would have just raised a lot of questions that he didn't feel like answering. Also it was Shigeko's birthday and they had to be sad today. He was, kind of. She had been alive and now she was dead and even though he couldn't remember her it was sad. He had been sad all month, though, a person could only be so sad for so long. He wasn't going to say anything to Mom and Dad but he was done being sad about this…the crying kind of sad at least.

He wanted to be happy.

Shigeko…she would have wanted him to be happy. Her spirit would have been watching over him and making sure that this went well…or something. Or maybe she was looking down at him from heaven….well that was kind of weird, actually. He didn't want his sister to watch him all the time. She would have wanted him to be happy, though, and she would have been proud of him too. Not for having a boyfriend, that was a really weird thing to be proud of someone for. No, she would have been proud of him for saving the world and stuff.

So this was ok.

So it was ok for him to sit up in bed, in the dark, ready to dive under the covers at a moment's notice. Mom and Dad had gone to bed a while ago but sometimes they got up in the middle of the night to check on him. They tucked him in and kissed his head and told them that they loved him like he was a little kid. He wasn't a little kid and he didn't need his parents to check on him. What he needed…what he needed was to change clothes again. He wished he could have asked Teru for help, this was his area of expertise after all, but Teru would have freaked out and then Ritsu would have had to deal with it and he didn't want t deal with that right now.

Or ever.

Teru had nothing that he could say. At least Ritsu hadn't actually slept with the enemy. Teru had been as stupid as he could have been, even Reigen said so. Teru could have been kidnaped or killed or he could have had a baby. Ritsu knew that seeing Sho like this was reckless but not as reckless as actually sleeping with the enemy. Ritsu knew what he was doing, he wasn't an idiot, but he did look like one! He looked like a little kid or an idiot or…or…or-

He needed to change.

He got out of bed, quietly, and went over to his wardrobe. He hadn't seen Sho in so long and…and he didn't want to mess this up. Last time he'd messed up…well he hadn't been around….he should still have thought about it. He should have planned…he should have…he shouldn't have messed up. He wasn't going to mess up again. He pulled his shirt over his head for what he hoped was the last time.

And then his window opened.

Loudly. He had forgotten about how squeaky his window was…but that was the least of his problems. He was trapped in his shirt. His greatest fear had come true, he looked like an idiot, and there was no way to save himself from looking like an idiot. Sho was there, Ritsu could feel his aura, and there he was trapped in his shirt like a complete and total moron. He hoped his sister wasn't watching, that she wasn't looking down from heaven, he who actually he hoped that nobody was watching. He wished that his shirt would swallow him up, that the ground would swallow him up, that the whole universe would be compressed into one singularity. Maybe if he stayed like this then it would...

He couldn't stay like this.

He pulled his shirt down, and there was Sho. He was taller than Ritsu remembered him being. They had been the same height last time Ritsu had seen him but now….now he was taller. Not as tall as Teru but taller than him…well Sho was older. It was such a weird thing to worry about, his age and all. He was eleven, he had been eleven for the past year, and it wasn't like he was never going to turn twelve. His birthday was in July, it always came in July, and he had no reason to think that it wasn't going to come... So why did this bother him? Sho made him worry about the weirdest things. Maybe that was just part of having a boyfriend. Maybe you just worried about everything and you were just a complete and total idiot and...

And maybe it was OK. Maybe your boyfriend was a total idiot too.

"What are you doing?" asked Ritsu. Sho had pulled him out of his shirt and then, immediately afterwards, pulled his own shirt up over his head. Ritsu could see his stomach…he had a scar. Right there, wrapping around from the side, it looked like someone had cut him…and there, on his side, it looked like someone had burnt him….Ritsu was going to find who that person was and murder him…and that was the only reason why he was staring….

Why was he lying to himself? Sho had a really cute stomach.

"Trying to see what you see." Said Sho. This was dumb. He had just…he had just been trying to figure out how to make this better. He had walked in on his boyfriend getting dressed or undressed, actually, since he was wearing daytime clothes and…and he had to make this less awkward. He had to fix the atmosphere. He had tried…and done about as good a job as Big Sis would have.

Ritsu pulled his shirt down.

"I-I'd rather see you." Said Ritsu. He had tried his best to sound like someone other than himself, someone more like Teru, but that had come out wrong….this wasn't going well. He normally knew what to do, exactly what to do, but he was so nervous…why had he said that?!

"Me too…I mean, yes, I want to see you…." Said Sho. What was THAT?! What in the hell had he thought he'd been saying?! He'd just made words without thinking. Ritsu was probably standing there thinking that Sho was a moron, a complete and total moron…Ritsu probably didn't like him anymore…

"You can see me right now…I mean the lights are off but-" said Ritsu

"I-I can see you…but if you want me to turn on the light then-" said Sho

"Don't! My parents would notice and then we'd be-" said Ritsu

"Fucked?" asked Sho. That was what he was, what he felt like. Fucked. He had fucked up and now Ritsu thought that he was a moron or something like everyone else did…how could he have messed up? He had just been nervous and then he'd seen Ritsu and he'd been all…like that….and….he was such a moron!

"Yeah…that's what we'd be…" said Ritsu. That was what he was right now, fucked. He knew that Sho had come all the way here to see him, that he had probably snuck away from some big mission or something, and that he had risked everything…he knew that Sho wanted to be there. He knew that Sho liked him….but he still felt like a moron.

"Fucked." Said Sho

"Yeah….sorry." said Ritsu

"You're sorry? What do you have to be sorry about? I'm the one that came into your room without knocking-" said Sho

"I shouldn't have had it closed in the first place. I was the idiot and I'm glad that Mom and Dad didn't wake up." Said Ritsu

"Me too….about your Mom and Dad coming in, I still shouldn't have just come in like that and saw you….I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry." said Sho

"You're sorry? I'm the one who-" said Ritsu

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one who was a moron. I mean the shirt thing…I guess I was just trying to be funny. Make it less awkward, I mean." Said Sho

"Well you kind of did…you were funny. I mean you're always funny." Said Ritsu quietly. He looked down at the floor. It was dark in here, he didn't need the nightlight anymore, it didn't do anything. He had just plugged it in so he could sort of see Sho…but it was dark…but also not dark enough. He didn't know. His head hurt.

"So uh…can we start again? Hi, I'm Sho." said Sho with a bow. Ritsu looked up and covered his mouth.

"Sure, but don't crack my skull again." said Ritsu

"I cracked you skull? When?" asked Sho

"When we met at the rocket ship slide. Here." Said Ritsu. He pushed his bangs up and showed Sho his scar. That was the best it was ever going to be. The doctor's had stitched him back together but it had been a bad cut and the skin was really thin there. He didn't mind the scar, not really. Everyone acted like it was such a big deal but it wasn't…

He wouldn't have thought that Sho would have been one of those people.

He was staring, now, like so many people had. Maybe he couldn't see it in the light. The nightlight wasn't that bright. He pushed his bangs down. It wasn't important…to him. To Sho it was. Sho pushed his bangs back up and stepped closer. Ritsu closed his eyes and leaned in, assuming that Sho was going in for a kiss. He hadn't kissed Sho in so long. He leaned as forward as he could….but Sho didn't do anything. He didn't even move.

Ritsu opened his eyes.

"I'm sorry." said Sho as Ritsu opened his eyes. He could see it, even in the darkness. That was a scar even worse than anything Sho had on his body. Sho had done that to him…someone who he liked. Well he hadn't liked Ritsu then…not like he liked him now…but he'd done something terrible….

"About being weird?" aske Ritsu before he could stop himself. That hadn't been…he was used to be an asshole. He had to be, lots of people were assholes to him, but Sho…Sho wasn't one of them. Even if he had just let Ritsu standing there like an idiot.

"No, well yeah. About…I'm sorry I gave you a scar. That's the worst thing that you can ever do to a person and…and I'm sorry." said Sho

"I don't care." Said Ritsu

"What? How can you not care?" asked Sho

"Because I don't. I don't care if its there. Some people think it's cool, some people think it's scary, and some people don't think about it at all. I'm one of those people. I mean if I had to think about it then I guess I'd like it. It's a reminder of the day I met you." Said Ritsu

"Ritsu…you're the coolest person I've ever met." Said Sho quietly. He meant it. Ritsu was the bravest, coolest, person that he'd ever met. He wasn't afraid of Dad, he wasn't afraid of getting kidnapped and brainwashed, and he didn't…he didn't mind his scars. He didn't even mind that Sho had been the one to give it to him…so this was what love felt like….he liked it.

"Thanks, I guess. I mean I don't know what's so cool about not minding a scar. It's not like there's anything that I can do about it so I might as well just live with it." Said Ritsu

"That's what's cool! I mean…I hate my scars. I hate looking at myself and I hate wearing short sleeved shirts…and I can't even remember the last time I wore shorts…" said Sho

"Because of the scars on your stomach?" asked Ritsu

"No, I mean yes, I mean I have them everywhere…it's a lot. I mean all the Awakened have them! I mean not that I'm one of the Awakened, gross, I just mean that…that when I was a kid my Dad put me in an Awakening machine and that's what woke my powers up." Said Sho

"How old?" asked Ritsu lowly.

"What?" asked Sho. Ritsu was…pissed? He was definitely pissed. Why? If anyone should have been pissed it was Sho. He was the one who had to look like this.

"How old were you when your Dad did that to you?" asked Ritsu

"Why do you need to know?" asked Sho. He didn't like the way Ritsu was looking at him…he was looking like he was going to do something stupid. He looked like he was about to swim across the ocean and kill Dad…Sho felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. Ritsu would have done all of that for him but…but he couldn't let him! He couldn't die….and he would die if he tried to fight Dad. Neither of them was strong enough to stop Dad…not yet…but together….

"Because I'm going to do something even worse to him. I've read about what you, what they, what HE does to 'awaken' people. It's torture. He drowns people and shocks them and-" said Ritsu

"Stop talking about it. I don't like to talk about that, ok? I think that it's really cool that you aren't scared of my Dad but-but I don't want to talk about that. There's so much other shit in my life that's making me sad like…like it's my sister's birthday and she doesn't want a party which is so weird and it's like she doesn't like me and…and she didn't even want me around on her birthday-" said Sho. He was just talking for the sake of talking, now. He was just trying to make words, to make something out of nothing. Ritsu had been pissed…the last thing he wanted was to ruin this…to ruin this like he had ruined everything else….

"It's my sister's birthday too! I mean…I shouldn't have said that…" said Ritsu. That had been too loud and…and too much. The last thing Sho wanted to do was talk about his dead sister. Ritsu had just been trying to change the conversation, to fix the atmosphere. He had seen how Sho had been rambling…Ritsu had been too intense again. Everyone was always telling him how intense he was…and they were right.

"Oh….fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" said Sho. Here he had been going on about how he didn't know if Big Sis still loved him and Ritsu's sister was dead…and his sister had the same name and birthday as Big Sis…that was weird….

"No, no, don't be. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's just…we're always sad here, in May, or at least we're supposed to be. Mom and Dad are always sad and it's like….like she died a long time ago and I don't remember her and…and I can't be sad about someone I never met. I'm sorry. I always get like this around her birthday…." Said Ritsu

"I remember. That's how we met…you ran away from home." Said Sho

"Yeah….and that's how we met again too. It's weird." Said Ritsu with a smile he didn't completely feel. Sho offered one of his own up in return.

"You know what's really weird? Your sister and my sister have the same name and the same birthday…I mean I'm sorry I said that. It was just…it just seemed cool, that's all." said Sho

"Yeah…that is weird…" said Ritsu. What were the odds that someone with the same name had been born on the same day? They must have been slim…this was weird…really weird….

"Sorry, I keep saying the wrong thing-" said Sho. He felt like Big Sis…or Dad. Both of them were bad at this…talking and reading the atmosphere and just…being around people. Sho wasn't used to this. He never talked to anyone outside of his friends….and sisters.

"You're not. You're right, it is weird how our sisters have the same name and birthday. She's not having a baby though, is she?" asked Ritsu

"No, at least I don't think her. I'm pretty sure she had her period because she was wearing leggings and also she was yelling and crying at the same time." Said Sho

"What's a period?" asked Ritsu. He'd heard that word before but he had no idea what it meant. Dad had told him to ask Mom and Mom had told him to ask Dad and then Dad had told him that he was better off not knowing…and knowing Dad it could have meant anything.

"When girls yell and yell or cry and cry because they're in a lot of pain because they're bleeding." Said Sho. Ritsu was lucky he didn't have a sister…that was mean but he was. He didn't have someone who just started crying and yelling at him at the same time for no reason…and sometimes in the middle of the night. If he had to wake up one more time to Big Sis crying on him and shouting that she loved him and that he was the best little brother ever he'd…probably complain a lot and get mad…or something.

"So she hurt herself, then?" asked Ritsu

"No, no, it's just a thing that happens to girls sometimes. They have too much blood and the blood that would have gone to the baby gets old so they get rid of it and get new blood for the baby. At least that's what I heard." Said Sho

"Oh….that's weird. Girls are weird." Said Ritsu with a shrug. Girls, he'd never understood them and he never would or would have to.

"They're so weird. It's like they like you and then they don't and then your own sister stabs you in the back…sorry. I said-" said Sho

"You can talk about my sister…or we don't have to talk. I mean…." Said Ritsu. He took Sho's hand and took a step closer. Girls, Tsubomi, had done this to him before, back before he'd figured out that he was gay. It was a thing you did…and it was working for him better than it had for Tsubomi. Sho held his hand back, and took a step forward and then…

And then they stopped talking.