The World Spins Madly On

A.N: This fanfic takes place right after "As We Know It," so Mark never came into the picture and so forth.

Also, I know that Dr. Bailey is on maternity leave, etc. but for the purpose of my story... she was never pregnant. Also, while I do say that all characters are involved, the are merely there because the story would be weird without them there. So, the story mainly focuses on Derek and Meredith.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy.

Chapter 2: Not Going Anywhere

It was almost time for me to go home. This day from hell was almost over with, and soon I could go home to nothing, to no one. Not even Doc...he was gone. She had my dog...she had everything that I wanted. One second I had everything that I wanted, and then one moment it all changed.

As the day went on, I saw him in the hallway a few more times, but for the most part I've been careful. Cautiously rounding corners, and avoiding the elevator after this morning. It wasn't like me to be so hesitant, to be so...scared, but I can't shake this feeling. Sometimes I've found myself wishing that the night in the bar had never happened; that I had never met him before my first day at the hospital. But then, there were times when I realized just how happy he had made me in those seemingly few days that we were together.

I walked down the hallway and looked around to see if he was anywhere near me, and when I couldn't see him I jumped into the open elevator. I leaned my back up against the wall and waited for the elevator to descend down. I wanted to get the hell out of here, but just as the doors started to close, a hand shot through and the censor made the doors open. I looked up only to be greeted by the face that I'd been trying to avoid all day.

"I saw you." He whispered as he glared into my eyes.

"Saw me what?"

"I saw you...looking around." He said as he settled back against the elevator wall next to me.

"So?"

"So, you're avoiding me."

"No, I'm not."

"Meredith..."

"Dr. Shepherd, I am just trying to get home."

"What's wrong?" He asked me as the elevator doors opened and I knew that this was my chance to get out.

I looked at him and smiled, "Nothing, I'm fine."

I was almost out of the elevator when I felt his hand grab my arm and pull me back towards him, "Meredith."

"Derek, I can't." I felt my eyes begin to well up with tears, so I turned my head to look the other way. The elevator began to descend again, and I knew I'd only have to endure a few more seconds of this before the doors opened again.

"Look at me."

"I can't."

"Why?" He asked as he reached forward to press the emergency stop button on the elevator wall, and when he did, I felt my security drain out from under me.

"Because it's too much after what happened."

"Why?"

"I just... I can't."

"I don't understand, Meredith." He looked at me with such sadness in his eyes, and all I could do was shake my head, "tell me what's wrong."

I took a deep breath as a lone tear streamed down my face, "Look, a scary thing happened to me a few days ago, and you want to know the only thing I could think about in that moment?" I paused and looked up into his eyes to see sympathy, and I wanted to hate him even more in that moment. "All I could think about was how if I died, I'd never see you again, which is sad because you're not even mine. You didn't choose me, and you know... I thought I was fine, but as it turns out I don't think I'm handling this so well."

"Meredith - "
"No. Don't say anything because if you say something it just makes what I said more real. But now you know... you know why I'm hiding. So please... just leave me alone." I interrupted him and reached forward to release the emergency stop button, and as we started to descend again, he grabbed my hand.

"Listen to me. Just because I chose her doesn't mean that I don't still care for you..."

"You chose her, so you shouldn't care for me anymore. I'll be fine."

"Meredith, you've got to listen to me."

"No, Derek, I don't. Not right now, and not in this elevator." I said as the elevator started to slow down, "you know, when I was in that OR, right before I took the bazooka out of that man's chest, I imagined you telling me what to do because through all of this I still trust you, and that's what kills me the most...that I can't hate you."

The elevator doors opened, and before he had a chance to respond I pulled my hand out of his and walked out of the elevator. Tears began to crash down onto my cheeks, and I struggled to regain my control as I walked towards the stairs to make my way back up to the locker room. My only hope as I climbed those stairs was that I didn't run into anyone.