The World Spins Madly On

A.N: Thanks for the reviews everyone. Please keep them coming so I know if I'm on the right track.

This fanfic takes place right after "As We Know It," so Mark never came into the picture and so forth.

Also, I know that Dr. Bailey is on maternity leave, etc. but for the purpose of my story... she was never pregnant. Also, while I do say that all characters are involved, the are merely there because the story would be weird without them there. So, the story mainly focuses on Derek and Meredith.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Grey's Anatomy.

Chapter 4: Back In The Wild

Derek left shortly after I told him that we couldn't do this. At first, he didn't understand why I told him to stop, but after a few minutes had passed, he seemed to finally understand. He told me he was sorry and walked out of the room. His eyes looked sad, like he knew that he wasn't helping me get any better... like he knew he was being selfish by pulling me back and forth. I heard the front door close, and I expected to see George or Izzie's face in my doorway, asking if I was okay, but neither came to my door, and I fell asleep hoping that tomorrow I would wake up and this would all be a dream.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > >

George, Izzie, and I rode in one car this morning. It was a quiet ride, which was unusual for us. When we arrived at the hospital, I felt my sense of dread returning, especially after what happened last night. On the way in we met up with Cristina, who looked at George and Izzie, questioning the silence between us. Izzie shook her head at Cristina, signaling that she probably shouldn't say anything to me, but Cristina never listened to anyone.

"Meredith, for God's sake just get over it." Cristina said, startling everyone.

"Cristina, don't start." I remarked, giving her the look that had passed between us on several occasions.

We walked into the locker room and Izzie was the first to mention Derek coming over last night, "What happened last night?"

Cristina turned around from her locker as she took off her shirt to change into her scrubs. "Something happened last night?"

"Yeah, McDreamy came over," Izzie snorted. "George and I couldn't get him to just leave her alone."

"And?" I was going to tell Cristina alone later, before I told George and Izzie, because I knew that they would be disappointed in me. They would give me the look of - why can't you just get over him.

"Nothing, could we please just drop it."

"Oh, come on, Meredith. Spill." Cristina was being adamant, and I knew there was no diverting her attention from this one.

"He wanted to talk to me, that's it. End of story."

"Yeah if that was true, you wouldn't be looking like you just killed a patient or something." Cristina smirked, and she knew she had me in a trap.

"He kissed me." I mumbled as I closed my locker.

"He what?" Izzie and George shouted so loudly that it was possible the whole hospital heard them.

"I'm not repeating myself." I said as I looked around to see who else was in the locker room.

Izzie looked at me shocked, "How could you let him - "

" - Look, I didn't mean for it to happen. It just happened, and as soon as I realized what was happening, I stopped it. Okay?"

They all shook their heads, and we walked out of the locker room. Dr. Bailey was waiting for us outside, and I could tell that I was getting the lowest level of priority patients again today. She gave everyone their room numbers, and then she looked at me and gave me mine. Everyone ran in different directions, except for Cristina, she followed me to the stairs.

"Where are you going?" She asked me.

"I take the stairs now... more exercise." I lied.

"Ha, you're such a bad liar. You just don't want to run into him." She said as we started to walk up the stairs.

"Maybe."

"What the hell happened, Meredith?"

I stopped going up the stairs and turned to look at her, "He kissed me. I didn't ask him to, he just did. Really, I am trying to hate him, it's just not... going so well right now."

Cristina laughed, "No kidding."

"I don't know what to do." I said as we started to move up the stairs again.

"There's nothing you can do. You asked him to chose you, and he didn't. So, just let go."
I nodded my head at her and we parted ways when we arrived at the third floor. It wasn't until later in the day that I saw Cristina again.

"How's it going?" I asked as we walked briskly down the hallway.

"I've had some interesting cases today. We'll see, still got a long way to go before this shift is over."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Cristina stopped dead in her tracks, "Jesus, Meredith stop sulking and act like the cut-throat surgeon that you are. So what about McDreamy, he isn't worth it."

"He is." I said sadly as I walked away towards my next patient's room.

"He is, what?" Derek asked, startling me.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Find me at unexpected moments."

"I'm tricky." He said with such a smile on his face that I wondered if he even remembered what had happened last night.

"Why are you so happy?"

"She signed the papers."

I stopped walking and turned to look him in the eyes, "She what?"

"She left. She told me she couldn't be with someone that wasn't in love with her, and apparently Mark is."

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. What did he want me to say? Did he want me to be happy? Did he want to scream out in joy?

"You're not happy." The air seemed to deflate right out of him.

"I didn't say that." I really just didn't know what to do.

"Then, what are you?" His tone was accusatory, and I didn't know what he wanted from me.

"I am happy for you."

"But not for both of us?"

"I need some time." I knew I was confusing him, but I didn't want to jump back into a relationship with him, especially with all the reasons out there not to.

"Why?"

"Because, you're an attending... because I just need some time. I mean, what if she comes back? Are you going to go running back to her again?" I knew that what I was asking was unfair - how could he know if she was going to come back, but I couldn't just let him off the hook; I was too scared.

"Okay." He said simply, and I knew that I had hurt him, "you know where to find me."

"Yeah." I smiled at him and continued to walk down the hallway towards my patient, but this time I looked back at him, and he smiled at me seemingly understanding my need for some time. And as I walked into my patient's room, I couldn't help but wonder if I had just made a big mistake.