Sometimes Ritsu made it very difficult to be his friend, let alone his fake boyfriend.
"Hold still." Said Teru as he did what he could for the massive hickey on Ritsu's neck, and he knew it was a hickey. Ritsu had been telling people he got punched in the throat. Teru knew what it looked like when you got punched in the throat, he'd throat punched enough people to know, and he knew what it looked like when you got a hickey. Ritsu must have thought that he was an idiot.
He wasn't.
Sho was around. Teru didn't need to be told, he just needed to watch Ritsu. He'd been happier lately. Ritsu was never happy. He always look at least a little bit pissed off about something. Well lately he'd been smiling and laughed…and yawning, too. He had massive grey bags under his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping….and he'd been cancelling all of their sleepovers that week. Teru wasn't an idiot.
Ritsu on the other hand….
"I am." Said Ritsu as Teru put more of that sticky makeup stuff all over his neck. Why did they have to do this? The last place he wanted to be right now was sitting on his bathroom counter while Teru pretended to know what he was doing. Ritsu didn't even get why he had to do this. His hoodie that zipped all the way up his neck worked just fine. It was hot, June was always hot, but it wasn't like he was going to die of heatstroke or anything. He made sure to carry plenty of water with him, he wasn't the moron Teru thought he was. Teru just didn't get it, that was all.
Nobody would ever get it.
Not that anybody else could know…not now, anyway. When all of this was over. When Claw got taken down, when there wasn't a world to save, then Ritsu could stop hiding and pretending. He loved Sho. Sho loved him. What was wrong, then, if they kissed sometimes? It wasn't like he was hurting anyone. He knew what he was doing, he knew that Sho wasn't going to do anything to hurt him. He trusted Sho and had ever reason to trust him…and to love him. That's what this was about, love…
Not whatever it had been about between Teru and Sho's big sister.
"If you were then you wouldn't have been moving." Said Teru. He rolled his eyes and held Ritsu still. He had to make sure he covered that stupid hickey thick enough so that it didn't show but not so thick that it stopped blending in with his skin. It was hard when it was this bad….Teru never let his get this bad. Reigen would have killed him.
"I wasn't." said Ritsu as Teru held him in place like Mom did when she gave him a haircut.
"Then why did I just mess up your concealer?" asked Teru
"Because you don't know what you're doing." Said Ritsu
"Shut up, I know what I'm doing…not like you." Said Teru, his eyes trained on what he was doing. Ok, that layer was as done as it was going to be. Now he just had to put on the foundation, powder foundation because it would stick to the concealer…or was it liquid foundation and powder concealer? Damn it, he'd fucked up. He was always…well not as bad as Ritsu. He, at least, was done sleeping with the enemy.
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Ritsu. He knew what, or he thought he knew what, Teru meant. Sho. Again Teru was worrying about nothing….acting like he knew better. Well Ritsu might have been playing a dangerous game but at least he knew what in the hell he was doing. He actually knew Sho, and he trusted him. Sho had told him things, things that Ritsu was sure he had never told anyone else, and he risked so much for him…that was love. Real love…the kind of love that nobody had ever felt for him before.
"You know what that means. I can't believe you. You…you're letting him into your room, again, and you're kissing him, again, and-" said Teru
"Not so loud! You want my parents to hear you?" asked Ritsu. He glanced at the door. Mom and Dad were downstairs last he checked…but they did like to check in on him.
"Of course not, and anyway they're still downstairs. Unlike you I think ahead." Said Teru
"Uh-huh, sure you do." Said Ritsu
"Better than you do." Said Teru. He had made a mistake. One. That didn't mean that Ritsu got to throw it back at him constantly. People made mistakes, they were human, that was just how people worked. Reigen had said so. Everyone made mistakes, it was whether or not you learned from them that mattered.
"Yeah sure….hey Teru, can I ask you something?" asked Ritsu. This was going to be mean, he knew that it was going to be mean, but it wasn't like Teru had given him any real choice.
"If it's why this is so hard, it's because your skin is weird. Why are your undertones-" said Teru as he tried to get back to work. They had things to do today, a lot of things, and those things couldn't be done if Ritsu was drawing attention to them like this.
"Would you rather have a boy or a girl?" asked Ritsu. Teru gasped, the brush feel from his hand….well it was kind of his fault. He was the one accusing Ritsu of being an idiot when he was going around doing stuff like that with girls. They were both sleeping with the enemy, but Ritsu had actually never slept with the enemy…so there!
But…but maybe that had been a step too far.
"…what?" asked Teru. He…he must have misheard. Ritsu wouldn't have just asked him that out of nowhere…so he must have had a reason. He talked to Sho, spent time with him, all of that and…and did he know something!? Was there something to know…Teru was tired of worrying about this. He made a point to actively not worry about this. He'd worried about this enough. Reigen had lectured him enough about how dumb he'd been. Teru got it. He knew that he'd been irresponsible and…and he knew that he might have been someone's…
If he was someone's dad then there was nothing that he could do about it.
It wasn't like he could just call Shigeko on the phone and ask her if she was having a kid or not…and if she had then it wouldn't have been safe for him to try and….and he didn't know. Visit it? Mom and Dad…they would have killed him. They would have flown to Seasoning City and personally killed him if he had a kid…that was what it would have taken to get them to visit. Not that he cared. He didn't need them…when he had a kid his kid wasn't going to need him either. His kid wasn't going to…wait that was messed up…but it wasn't like he was ever going to see his kid….
If he even had one….he might not…breathe, Teru, breathe.
"Your baby. Would you rather have a boy or a girl? I mean since you did it with Sho's sister-" said Ritsu. He knew that he was being mean but he didn't care. He wasn't the stupid one in this situation. He was the only one taking any of this seriously. He had been doing nothing but taking this seriously for so long…way too long. He deserved to have someone in his life who he liked and who liked him back…and he didn't deserbe Teru always treating him like this.
"Is she…is she having a baby?" asked Teru. His voice broke in the middle…that shouldn't have been happening anymore. He was…he was fine. He braced himself against the bathroom counter. He could deal with this. He could…he had no idea what he could do. Run away….hide? Reigen would hide him. if he explained that he was having a kid then Reigen would…well he could hide him or he could tell him not to treat his kid like that…he didn't want to treat his kid like that. He didn't know what he wanted to treat his kid like or even if he…if he had one and….and he needed to breathe. Thee wasn't enough air in here.
"What do I know? I'm just an idiot." Said Ritsu. He rolled his eyes. Teru was freaking out. Good. Maybe now he'd realize that Ritsu was not the stupid one in this situation.
"Do you know something? If you know something I swear to God-" said Teru. He grabbed Ritsu by the arms and shook him. Ritsu just stared at him in the same, slightly bored, way that he stared at everything and everyone.
"She's not having a baby. Sho said so." Said Ritsu when Teru was done shaking him.
"Why in the hell would you freak me out like that?" asked Teru, his voice getting dangerously close to shouting. He couldn't shout. If he shouted then Ritsu's parents would come upstairs and start asking questions and then he would have to talk his way out of this and he had no idea what he was supposed to even say.
"To get you to see that I'm not the stupid one here. I actually love Sho and I have every reason to trust him. You didn't love her, you didn't even know her, you just wanted to do it with someone and she was the only girl who would do it with you and then you compromised yourself. You didn't think it through but I-" said Ritsu
"Shut up." Said Teru
"What? It's true-" said Ritsu
"No, no it isn't now shut up!" said Teru
"What are you-" said Ritsu
"I did love her, ok?! I loved…I loved her…but then she turned into this whole other person right afterwards and…and I don't want to talk about this, ok?" said Teru. Ritsu didn't get it. He could never get it. Nobody could ever get it. What it felt like to be that close to a person and then…and then to find out that she had been lying to him. To find out that everything that he had thought and felt about her had been a lie. It was like someone pulled the floor out from under him and he hadn't had his powers to catch him. His powers had been the problem in the first place. If he hadn't had them then…other things that Ritsu could never understand. How something like that could make you doubt yourself, everything about yourself, until you didn't even know who you were. You didn't even know…you forgot who you were. What you were. You forgot…you forgot a lot of things about yourself….and the only way to remember was to forget or….or….or whatever!
"How could she turn into a whole other person when you didn't even know her?" asked Ritsu
"Because she saved me and then…and then it was perfect. It was like the most perfect thing to ever happen to me but then, right afterwards, she just…she changed. She started talking about how she could never Claw and how Claw was actually a good place and her Dad was a good person and…and that's not the person she was before. When we met she saved my life…she helped me escape…but then it was like she was trying to get me to come with her and…and that's not Shigeko." said Teru
"Well you didn't really know her." said Ritsu
"And you know Sho SO well?" asked Teru
"I do." Said Ritsu
"Then what's his favorite color?" asked Teru
"Green." Said Ritsu
"When's his birthday?" asked Teru
"December first." Said Ritsu
"What's his favorite food?" asked Teru
"Double chocolate poptarts dipped in coke." Said Ritsu
"Oh yeah then….then what's his favorite….his favorite…" said Teru
"His favorite time of day is late at night when everyone is asleep. His favorite animals are hamsters. He used to keep baby snakes but then his dad found them and made him get rid of them. His best friend used to be this blind kid who works for his dad but now he's going out with his sister and it's weird for him. His favorite sister is his younger sister because his older one has been pretty weird lately. He hates his dad and misses his mom. He never met any of his other grandparents but he knows that his dad's parents are dead. The guy who used to take care of him took him to their graves but he didn't feel anything and he's pissed off that he didn't feel anything. He hates water-" said Ritsu
"Ok, ok, ok! I get it….I get it." Said Teru. Fine. They had a love story that would echo through the ages or whatever. Good for them. Teru…he didn't care what Ritsu did or felt or…or anything like that. He wasn't jealous. At least he didn't have to hang around waiting for someone to show up, he went out and found people, and…and girls were probably a lot easier to deal with than guys anyway and….and whatever!
"See? I'm not an idiot." Said Ritsu crossing his arms. There. Now Teru could acknowledge that he was the stupid one in this relationship/friendship whatever and they could get on with their day. They didn't have time for this.
"….I never said that you were." Said Teru. He had never come out and called Ritsu and idiot…and meant it. He had told Ritsu when he was acting like a complete and total idiot but that was different. There was a difference between acting like an idiot and being oneQ
"You were acting like I was." Said Ritsu
"Well you have to admit that it's kind of stupid to walk around with a massive hickey on your neck! And don't tell me you were hiding it because wearing that hoodie is pretty damn suspicious….and also it makes you look all blotchy." Said Teru
"I don't care if I look blotchy." Said Ritsu
"Well I do, I care about you and I worry about you and how stupid you'e being…and you have been stupid. Really reckless." Said Teru
"And you haven't been?" asked Ritsu
"I was…and I learned from it…so you can stop throwing it back in my face every ten minutes! I told you, I don't like to talk about it. You don't get it and you'll never get it. Fine, Sho is the person you thought he was. Good for you. Shigeko wasn't the person I thought she and and-and it sucks. Ok? I loved her and then she just….she didn't love me…" said Teru
"Teru….I'm sorry, I guess…for brining her up. I never did it with anyone. I don't know what it's like, I guess, to have your heartbroken or whatever." Said Ritsu
"Well, yeah, you're eleven. It would have been weird if you did." Said Teru
"I'm twelve…in a month." Said Ritsu
"That still doesn't mean you're twelve…and anyway it would have been weird….and I wouldn't want you to know what it felt like anyway." Said Teru
"What….what does it feel like?" asked Ritsu. He couldn't look at Teru, then, when he asked that. That was just…he knew that it was really personal but he had never actually met anyone who knew what it was like. Well his parents…but there was no way he was asking his parents about this. He just wanted to know if it was like people said it was…or whatever…and Teru was the person to ask.
Teru was his best friend after all.
They fought a lot but they were still friends. Really it was better that they fought. Ritsu would have been suspicious if Teru had just agreed to everything he said or whatever. Real friendship was being able to disagree or whatever. To ask each other weird questions or whatever….and it wasn't that weird. Ritsu hadn't asked for a play by play, he just…wanted to know what it was like to do something like that with another person.
It wasn't like he was going to find out for himself. That would have been way too much.
"Like…it's like you're warm all over and just…happy, I guess. It's like you're one person with her and…and you need to figure it out on your own! I'm not talking to you about this just…just sit still so I can finish and then we can go on our stake out or…or something." Said Teru as he got back to work. He had just said that he didn't want to talk about it. Ritsu could be such an asshole sometimes. He was lucky he was the only other esper around or whatever. The last thing Teru wanted was to go over and over and over what had happened….how it had felt to finally have someone who loved him…
How it had felt to watch her leave.
At least he'd done the kicking out, that time. Normally he was the one being kicked out. Normally he was the one people didn't want to have around…but he had wanted to have her around. He had wanted to be with her, to be near her, to be…to be hers. He had wanted that more than anything else and…and she had just ripped his heart out and shown it to him…but whatever. He'd moved on. He was going to take Claw down and…and if he had to see her again then that was fine. They'd fight, he'd win, and he'd keep on moving on. Then he and Ritsu could do something normal with their afternoons for once instead of planning and stalking people and staking out places. Normal friend stuff like that.
It was difficult, sometimes, to be Ritsu's friend and fake boyfriend…but he knew that all of this would get easier once they took Claw down and they could be normal for once in their lives.