Confessions of a Marauder
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On his seventeenth birthday, James Potter receives a diary from his best friend, for the sole reason that it was on sale. Soon, he finds himself pouring his thoughts and dreams into it, and beginning to realize his true feelings for Lily Evans. A funny diary, read!
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Alright. So Remus just read over my conversation with Lily. He reckons that I shouldn't have opened my big mouth about Daniel Johnson.
Well, thank you Captain Obvious.
I figured that out on my own, with the help of my large and extremely powerful brain.
It's obvious why Lily was so livid. I mean, anyone with half a brain can figure it out. It's quite simple, and terribly amusing.
The fact is, Lily doesn't want to be reminded of the mistake she made- choosing Johnson over me. She must feel horribly daft now that she realizes her error of judgment.
It's quite alright, actually.
You can't expect someone to have it all- looks, intelligence, sensitivity, humbleness, and a good judgment.
Unless it's me, that is. I pride myself on having all these qualities.
I should reassure Lily. Tell her that I won't hold her accountable for her brief moment of idiocy.
As a matter of fact, I see her coming this way right now and she looks quite angry. Her nondescript girlfriends are surrounding her, and she's heatedly explaining something.
Ick. Has she no taste in personalities? Her friends are all alike- vaguely pretty in a common way, smart as hell, and stuck up beyond belief.
Bloody Merlin. How the heck am I supposed to talk to her now, with all those idiots listening to very word? Am I supposed to lasso her or something?
Bugger. There's no string in my pocket.
No matter. I will sit here, on this delightfully comfy couch, and wait for her 'friends' to go away, and leave the coast clear.
Merlin, this couch is springy. I'm bouncing up and down right now, which will explain the sudden messiness of my writing.
Hee hee. The couch is making a delightful squeaky noise. I'm trying to squeak to the tune of 'Which Witch'.
Lily and her friends are staring at me. They look…shocked? And amused?
What's so amusing about a boy enjoying the effects of an unusually springy couch?
"Potter! You're going to break that couch!" Lily warns.
Psh. Silly girl.
Oh.
Merlin.
I wonder how many detentions you get for breaking a Common Room couch.
Lily and her friends explode into peals of laughter, and the rest of the Gryffindor Common Room looks over at me and starts laughing as well.
Reaching up, I pluck a wad of cotton stuffing from my hair.
"Prongs! What did you do?" Remus asks exasperatedly, eyeing the sight of me sitting on a lopsided couch with cotton stuffing floating in the air around me.
Lily rolled her eyes at me, "The couch couldn't take the weight of his fat head."
What? My head is not fat. It's perfectly formed in every way, thank you very much.
I glower at her, "You know Evans, its times like these that I wonder why I fancy you."
She turned red, and her eyes narrowed. Her friends shoot dirty looks at me in unison and begin muttering angrily to one another.
Me and my big mouth. Now I've got a bloody pack of girls after my head. (Which is still perfectly formed)
"Potter! You are such an insufferable, arrogant prick! I never asked you to follow me around like a bloody puppy and annoy me constantly with your stupid comments!" She shouted, arms flailing wildly.
Is that what she thinks of me? A bloody dog?
That just hurts, you know. I may be a lot of things, but I would never annoy Lily purposely. Besides, it's not like she's perfect. Like...like when she goes around asking everyone how many OWLS they got, and started gloating about her oh so perfect grades.
I stand up and snap back, "You know what, Evans? I'm tired of your bloody hypocrisy! You think I'm conceited? What about you? You aren't some bloody saint! You go around on a high horse looking down at everyone!"
I feel Remus laying a warning hand on my shoulder but I shrug it off.
Lily screeched, "Me? Look down at people? You're the one who tortures Slytherins without mercy!"
"Oh, you mean Snivellus? You expect me to be nice to a bloody Death Eater?"
Lily laughs derisively, "Please. Your best friend comes from a family of Death Eaters! He's probably one too!"
Remus sucks in his breath and swears.
I walk towards her until we're standing only an inch apart. Her eyes are narrowed, and show a trace of fear for the first time.
"Say what you want about me, but don't you bloody dare have a go at my best friend. You…you have no idea how much Sirius means for me. So just take your prejudices and shove it up your arse."
Lily remains silent as I walk off.
As I go up the stairs to the Boys' Dormitories, I see Sirius waiting for me at the doorway. With one glance at his face, I know he heard everything.
Oh, Merlin.
I feel so…confused. Lily and I have never, never spoken like that to each other. She always shouts at me, but she never crossed her limits by insulting my best friends.
And I've never said a single negative thing about her.
As I look back, I realize that the conversation was neither of our faults. She was just being defensive, and I took her words to heart even though I know she's irrational when she's angry.
But she should have never accused Sirius of being anything like Snape.
But I told her she was a hypocrite.
Bloody hell, my head hurts. After I saw Sirius, he laid a hand on my shoulder and told me, "You are the best mate a bloke could have."
And he meant every word of it.
Then he added, "I'm glad you realized what a bitch Evans is."
I almost hit him, then, I really did. And he probably knew. But in the end, I knew he was right. Lily could be cruel, and I knew it.
And Merlin help me, I still love her.
Why I Should Apologize To Lily
1. She can be nice. When she wants to be, that is.
2. She's pretty.
3. She's smart.
4. She's funny.
5. I miss her. Even though all we did was yell at each other, I still miss even that.
Why I Shouldn't Apologize To Lily
1. It was mostly her fault.
2. I'm always the one who's apologizing.
3. She can be a right bitch sometimes.
4. For all her OWLS, she can be horribly daft about others' feelings. Namely, me.
5. She's not the prettiest girl in Hogwarts.
I really need a shot of Firewhiskey.
Or to play a prank on dear, dear Snivellus.
Bloody, bloody hell.
What just happened?
I'm a bit confused.
Would someone like to throw me a frickin' bone here? I mean, really.
What happened was that I was walking along the corridors, hunting for Snivellus, when I heard the unmistakable sound of someone crying.
Being the gallant, kind person I am, I followed the sound to…
Lily.
I know, I'm just as shocked as you are.
Obviously, I sat down next to her and waited for her to notice me. Which usually takes about a second or so.
I think she has some kind of radar which flashes, 'Bighead Idiot Alert! Bighead Idiot Alert!' whenever me or Sirius go near her. Then she shifts into attack mode, which usually means a lecture screamed at us. Basically, we stand in front of her, twiddling our thumbs and wondering about the next Quidditch match, while she rants on and on about our utter lack of maturity.
Anyway, it took her about ten minutes to realize I was sitting there, waiting. Her eyes landed on my diary, and she sniffled, "You're…you're still writing in that?"
I touched it softly, "Erm…yeah. Writing in a diary kinda grows on you."
She laughed weakly, and she mopped her face with the sleeve of her robe. I blurted, "I have to say something."
"If you're going to apologize, Potter," she started angrily, "then don't. It…it was really all my fault. I'm the one who should say sorry." Her voice was soft, and sincere.
I shrugged, "Well, yeah, but I shouldn't have said all those things about you."
A faint smile touched her lips, "I think that was the first time you said anything horrid to me…even though I'm always insulting you."
Ruffling my hair, I muttered, "I know. Usually, I can't bring myself to even think anything bad about you, and today…Merlin, I'm so, so sorry."
Then she did something that confused the hell out of me.
She began to cry.
WHY ARE GIRLS SO CONFUSING?
I sat there, like an idiot, and awkwardly patted her shoulder, "Erm, there, there. It'll get better."
Remembering a Muggle movie I saw once, I seriously said, "And remember, you are a very, very special and unique person deep inside. Think of bright rainbows and er…other happy things."
Hey, the girl kissed the guy. It was worth a try. Even though I think the girl was a bit loony. Then again, so is Lily.
Lily looked at me strangely through her tears.
I let out a sigh. Better luck next time, Potter.
Then she mopped her face with her other sleeve (her sleeves must be drenching at this point) and I asked cautiously, "Did my apology upset you?"
"Yes! I mean, no, but…look, I admit I had a certain image of you. You were always supposed to be arrogant and mean and annoying. And today, you…I realized that I might have-"
She breathed deeply.
"Misjudged you a bit. You're still stupid, and arrogant, and you are a bit of a bully, but you can be nice. When you want to be, that is. And you can be a bit right about me being...a hypocrite."
Are you getting a sense if déjà vu here? That's exactly what I wrote about her a while ago.
We even insult each other with the same words. It's match made in Heaven, really.
I asked hopefully, "So, you want to go out with me?"
She turned red and screeched, "That's so like you! You are such a prat! Have you ever tried to respect my feelings? That I might be going through major mental turmoil?"
Um, excuse me. What about the mental torture I go through when she rejects me time and time again?
Glaring, she picked up her bookbag and stomped off.
I called after her, "Was that a no? Evans? Evans?"
So, basically, we made up to each other, then she got mad at me again.
I will now pray that I'm reborn as an ant so I don't have to deal with bloody girl hormones.
Hopefully, my karma isn't too bad.
Author's Notes
Please help me! Read the other Confessions….and tell me which ONE to rewrite.
Danu3: Lol, I usually read the ones with few chapters, so I don't have to read a lot. But I'm glad you liked the summary.
Loraliant Angelisa Snape: Thanks for answering the poll, but I really need you to pick just one.
Paprikan: Thanks for reviewing! I love the comments!
Mintytoothpick: Thanks for reviewing! You're so consistent!
Tracey: You know what? You are probably my second favorite reviewer, right after MissCheiviousHP. Thank you for sticking with me through all my good and bad stories. I'm putting in a character called Tracey in this story as a small way to thank you. I LOVE YOU!
Warrior of Tortall: Lily is about to change her mind…that is, if James doesn't screw it up. (And if I get a brilliant review response, in which case I will drag out the story to suck up as many reviews as possible. JK!)
Reader: Wow, what an original name! Lol, sorry if I offended you. Thanks for reviewing!
InuBecka: Love the James conversation, totally him…you know, chauvinistic and arrogant-ish.
Cylobaby: Thanks for reviewing!
StarburstSweetie: Haven't heard from you for a while, I'm glad you're back. James will be changing soon…unless if I get a brilliant review response, in which case I will drag out the story to suck up as many reviews as possible. JK!
Chrisy8887779999: I'm not even going to try to figure out what the numbers mean. Lol. Thanks for reviewing!
Animerocksjapanrocks: Thanks for reviewing, gotta agree with your name. I love anime, even though the only one I've seen is Sailor Moon, which I'm not sure counts.
Jersey Princess: Thanks for reviewing! I'm a bit hurt that I'm not a priority though. JK.
Passionflower24: I love the list too. Even though I'm a girl, I still don't know how some of my fellow specimens think.
Ditzy120: Hope this chapter is a bit better formatted.
LJFan: Oh my god, thank you for your review! You really made my day! I have to agree with you, we girls can be pretty weird. As for the bathroom thing, I think we just want someone to talk with.
IdOn'TlIkEnAmEs: Took me a while to get your name, hun. Thanks for reviewing!
Amber-Tinted: Not only did she punch him, she punched him twice. Ouch. Hope this chapter is long enough!
JeevesandWooster: I love the spoon comment! Ron is adorable. James really is an average guy- clueless, clueless, clueless.
Angelic Chocolate Fairy: Lol, I love the list too. I have plenty more to say about us girls, but I fear offending anyone. Lily is a bit confused in this chapter. That was a random fact, BTW.