Confessions of a Marauder

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On his seventeenth birthday, James Potter receives a diary from his best friend, for the sole reason that it was on sale. Soon, he finds himself pouring his thoughts and dreams into it, and beginning to realize his true feelings for Lily Evans. A funny diary, read!

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You know what I just realized? Actually, I just realized a number of things about our favorite redhead:

A. She's completely loony.

B. She really knows how to turn on the waterworks and make a perfectly nice bloke (namely, me) feel like a complete git. Not that I am one, that is.

C. She's driving me loony.

Gotta agree with you there, mate.

Thanks, Sirius. I simply appreciate what a loyal friend you are.

Hey. Wait. Weren't you mad at me? For…you know, chasing after Lily again?

I wasn't mad.

Oh really?

I suppose calling your best friend a "stubborn, blind arse" and a "bloody retard" qualifies as being un-mad.

And refusing to talk to said best friend on the basis that he is losing his sanity thanks to a redheaded freak of nature that was put on earth to torture poor souls.

OK. Fine. I was mad. I forgive you though. You're my best mate, you know that. And a bloody wretch isn't coming between a friendship of seventeen years, fifteen days, and thirteen hours.

Aw. You keep track? I'm flattered. Just proves what a kind, amicable, brilliant person I am. I must be, if someone likes me that much.

Ew.

Snivellus just walked into the Potions classroom, and cast me a dirty look. I wonder if he knows I'm the one who stole his essay on the healing properties of a bezoar. Which, surprisingly, was extremely well-written.

Then again, losers like Snivellus spend as much time as possible in the library, hoping to soak up as much information as possible in the hopes of ruling the world one day.

All I have to say to that is, 'in his pathetic little dreams'.

"Potter, give me back my essay." Snivellus hissed.

He knows.

I innocently ask, "What essay? I'm a bit confused. Why would I steal your essay?" I watch with glee as his face darkens.

"Because you're an arrogant little toe-rag who takes pleasure in hurting others." Lily snapped, glaring at me. She had come up behind Snivellus and heard every word.

I frown at her, "Speaking of hurting others, you never gave me your answer to my question last night. You know, when I asked you out? But then again, you probably meant to say yes and were too shy to say so."

Beside me, Sirius let out a groan and Remus banged his head on the desk.

Lily stamped her foot, and retorted, "I think my exit pretty much answered your question. No, Potter! I won't go out with a bloody wanker!"

I wonder why she's telling me this. Obviously I know she won't be saying yes to a Daniel Johnson any time soon, in light of her recent mistake.

"I know that, Evans. I was asking about going out with me."

Remus is desperately making signals for me to shut up while Sirius stuffed a fist in his mouth to keep from laughing.

"YOU ARE THE BLOODY WANKER! I WON'T GO OUT WITH A BLOODY WANKER, NAMELY YOU!"

Oh.

"Miss Evans! Refrain from using such language in my classroom! Ten points from Gryffindor." Professor Liam calls, scandalized.

Lily shoots me a dirty look.

He shakes his head, "Really, now. There's no need for vulgarity. Go sit by Mr. Snape, Miss Evans."

By Snivellus? You have got to be kidding me.

I exclaim, "Professor! You can't make Evans sit by that grease-ball!"

Lily chucks her Potions book at me, hitting me on the head sharply. I let out a muffled yelp and look at her accusingly.

"Miss Evans! Really, I've had enough! Detention on Friday! I can't believe such a talented Potions brewer would behave like this!"

I glance at Lily, whose face is bright red and watch her slowly sink in her chair. Silly girl. Everyone knows not to piss Professor Liam off.

Remus just leaned over and announced heavily, "Your chances with her were just shot to the moon, mate."

I wonder why he'd say a stupid thing like that?

Maybe because you just made her get her first detention, Prongs.

What? I did not. Was I the one who made her yell at me and chuck her over-sized textbook at me?

Really. Such an accusation wounds my heart. And after I tried to save her from inhaling Snivellus's deadly and toxic fumes.

Which was kind of a flop. But it's the thought that counts, right?

Bugger, I know I'm right.

James Potter's To-Do List

1. Find some way of paying back Snivellius. Reason? For being a greasy-haired wanker.

2. Convince Lily that it wasn't my fault that made her stupidly set off Professor Liam's famous temper.

3. Convince myself that it wasn't my fault that made her stupidly set off Professor Liam's famous temper.

4. Beat Peter in Gobstones. Can't have him beating me at something, now.

5. Do my homework.

6. Procrastinate doing my homework, so I can play pranks on someone. Preferably, Snivellus.

7. Set my alarm clock so I can wake early tomorrow morning to hurriedly finish my homework, because I spent today goofing off.

See? The experts in Teen Wizard were right; making a list does make your problems seem less significant than they really are.

If I hadn't made the list, I would be having a mental struggle about whether to do my homework like a good boy or to play pranks and satisfy my craving.

With the list, however, I can easily see how even if I don't do my homework now, I have plenty of time to do it later. Or at least paraphrase Moony's.

Well, now that that's set, I can think about the important stuff.

Pranks.

Maybe the ole' bucket of water trick? Or a nice lil' hex, say…Bat Bogey? Choices, choices.

Wait. My brain just hatched an idea. How about I rig a water bucket to splash over Snivellus, and perform Scourgify? It'll be killing two birds with one stone. I get to embarrass/humiliate Snivellus and save myself from looking at his greasy hair for the next few days.

Knowing Snivellus, though, the clean hair will last only an hour or so.

Sirius loves my idea.

Remus hates my idea.

Peter loves me, therefore he loves the idea. (Nasty little devotee-I wonder about his sexuality)

Anyways, with a 3:4 ratio, we have decided to perform the cleansing ritual at lunch, which will be right after Potions. Thankfully, Potions will be over soon, so I'll be able to escape Lily's heated glare soon.

In case you're wondering, I'm partners with Melissa Hopkins, the third most talented student in our year. (right after Snivellus and dear, dear Lily)

So I haven't been doing a single ruddy thing except to glance over and vaguely say, "Good job." Or "You're doing fine."

The silly girl is thrilled to pieces whenever I look over, probably because of how popular and good-looking I am.

It's quite funny. Melissa has the most horrid hair- bushy dirty blonde hair tightly bound in a braid. Plus, she wears thick glasses and has a slight lisp. And her robes are so…last century.

But does that stop her from admiring me, the most popular boy I this school? I think not.

Eep, the professor is headed our way. I'll just shove you in my bag…

There. He's gone. I stuffed you in my bag and pretended to be absorbed with the cauldron, asking intelligent questions like, "So, the potion is pink? Or is it red? Or is it red with white specks that make you think it's pink?"

OK, maybe not so intelligent questions.

Anyways, Melissa answered my questions, beaming, and the professor approvingly said, "Excellent work, Potter, Hopkins. It pleases me greatly to see two such devoted students."

Thomas Bone cast me a dirty look once he left and whispered, "You didn't do an ounce of work, Potter. You're just taking credit for her work."

I wave a hand airily, "Just because my potion is pink and yours is red doesn't give you the right to be jealous."

He scowled at me and turned to Melissa, "How come you're letting that worm step all over you?"

Blushing, Melissa murmured, "I dunno, he helps…hot…I mean a lot."

Being as good-looking as me does have its perks.

Now that Potions is over, it's time for lunch. And that means…

"Oh Snivellus!"

That was a bit of a disaster.

I mean, the prank went fine, and now Snivellus's hair smells like roses and cream. Which is quite a delightful combination, really.

But Lily wasn't amused.

To put it simply, she screamed, "I hate you Potter! Every thing you do, you manage to make someone else's life a bloody nightmare! Just because he looks, erm, different doesn't give you the right to play God and mold him as you see fit!"

I gestured towards Snape, and incredulously said, "You're telling me that that's not in improvement?"

His hair was clean and hanging around his also-recently-cleaned face. Really, she should be thanking me. Seeing that I just cleaned up her new Potions partner.

"Just go to hell, Potter!"

Ouch.

Snivellus got up warily from the floor where I had stunned him and barked, "Don't interfere, Mudblood."

After saying this, he touches his hair and looks shocked. Probably amazed that his hair is clean for the first time in let's see, sixteen years. Oh, back to what he said to Lily.

I wave my wand threateningly at him, "Oi, take that back!" I pull my angry-James look at him.

This contribution on my part is ignored however as Lily is still glaring at Snape who is glaring right back.

Tears are forming in her eyes and she snapped, "Sorry for trying to help, Snivellus."

I think she just realized what I've been trying to say for six years. Snape is a horrid potty-mouth.

She looked at me and sighed wearily, "I will never go out with you unless you learn to be kind and not shove people around. Even then, you'd have to do something incredible to convince me that you're not an arrogant toe-rag."

I can do that. Easy-peasy.

OK.

I was wrong. I've been trying to come up with an idea for ages and have come up with the following:

Ways to Show Lily That I Am Not an Arrogant Prat

1. I should-

Still, I have the title down, and that's probably the hardest part. I'm sure the rest of it will come easily to me in a matter of a few minutes.

Still waiting.

Any moment now I will be struck by a brilliant idea.

My brain must be on vacation.

Author's Notes

Remember to read the other Confessions I've written and tell me which one to update. After receiving your reviews for this chapter, I will be deciding which one. And have it up soon.

Anyways, REVIEW!

Tell me what you think about the Half Blood Prince. I've read it, and was a bit disappointed.

For some reason, it didn't seem as well-written as the other books, especially the fifth. It had a random tone, especially in the last chapters, where the main characters act so stupidly, you wonder if they're the same ones who escaped from Voldemort a few months ago.

And I HATE how blank dies at the end, but I knew it was coming since the last two books.

I will have individual replies next chapter, and for now…cheers. Happy reading.

Kisses,

Celina