Confessions of a Marauder

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On his seventeenth birthday, James Potter receives a diary from his best friend, for the sole reason that it was on sale. Soon, he finds himself pouring his thoughts and dreams into it, and beginning to realize his true feelings for Lily Evans. A funny diary, read!

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OK. I can do this. It is simply a matter of educating myself on the art of self-control and restraint. A matter of allowing my inner good to come through.

Or so Moony puts it.

After discovering the fact that my brain was on vacation (to the Bahamas, presumably), I held a conference with my friends and we decided on a plan to make me irresistible to Lily.

The following is the outline of Mission: Make James Un-Arrogant.

Mission: Make James Un-Arrogant

1. He will quit running his hands through his hair. This is a direct request from Lily back in the Lake Scene last year. This will be accomplished by Sirius hexing James whenever he does run his hand through his hair. The idea came from Remus, who saw a man train a dog this way.

2. He will continue picking on Snivellus, but do so only when Lily is not present. This will be accomplished by Peter keeping an eye on the Marauder's Map.

3. He will not hex random students. Unless they are twitchy first years who are annoying beyond hell.

4. He will not flirt with other girls. If any girl should 'put a move' on him, he will refer them to his much more handsome friend, Sirius.

5. He will not 'act up' in class. This is defined by Remus as:

...a. Not talking back to the teachers.

...b. Not playing pranks on other students. Especially Snivellus.

...c. Not goofing around with Sirius, and instead taking notes like a good, studious student.

6. He will not go around bragging.

Oh joy. Why don't they just say, "Don't have any fun, James" and get it over with.

Still, if this will make Lily fancy me, then I'm all for it.

Moony says I should have no problem doing all this. But right after he said this, he got a funny look on his face and had to excuse himself to the bathroom. Sirius later told me that Moony wouldn't stop laughing hysterically for at least an hour.

I'm doomed.

"Mr. Potter, would you please pay attention?" Professor McGonagall thundered.

Remember rule number 5a. No talking back to the teacher.

I meekly say, "Sorry, Professor."

See? I can do it.

The room goes silent. You can hear Peter's raspy breathing from across the room, on account of him having his permanent cold.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, I want to see you three after class." Professor McGonagall slowly says, giving us strange looks.

Sirius tears his eyes away from his giggling partner and blinks rather stupidly at the Professor. Behind him, Remus looks up from his lengthy notes.

Peter blows his nose loudly and calls, "What about me, Professor?"

Professor McGonagall eyes him with great disdain and stiffly answers, "That won't be necessary, Mr. Pettigrew."

He looks crestfallen and looks at us forlornly, as if we were the ones to exclude him.

Which, quite frankly, we do a lot.

It's not him, it's us.

No, wait. It is him.

I'm sorry and all, but he's creepy. His blatant worship of us three was the only reason we let him onto our secrets. We needed a flunky.

Now, however, we're rather attached to him, creepy as he is. There's something reassuring about always having someone who admires you.

Other than crazed fan-girls.

So, we try to include him as much as we can, but subconsciously we leave him out sometimes. Especially in the more important, soul-bearing times.

He shrugs it off, but I can't help but feel that he's slowly resenting us.

Whoops. The bell rang. Better go see McGonagall.

Life is soooooo unfair.

I do the work, and someone else gets the credit.

In this case, Moony.

After class, we went up to Professor McGonagall. Lily was still packing. Oddly, she was moving slowly, almost as if she was eavesdropping.

Perfect Prefect Lily eavesdropping?

Nah.

McGonagall summoned a piece of parchment and laid it in front of me.

"This, Mr. Potter, is a record of every detention you have ever received. As you can see, the reason for each is listed opposite the staff who assigned it. Almost 50 of your detentions were from the result of talking back in class."

Sirius, who was reading the parchment, exclaimed, "Hey, you're 13 detentions ahead of me."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"I was extremely surprised today, Mr. Potter, when you didn't talk back. Instead, if I remember correctly, you answered with a docile apology. I'm hoping this was the result of you maturing, not having an 'off' day."

I smiled winningly, "I'm maturing, really."

She allowed a thin smile at me, "Then, I believe I made the correct choice by appointing Mr. Lupin over here as Prefect. It seems that you have taken a leaf out of his book."

Remus beamed at her, and fingered his badge lovingly.

McGonagall sent a weary look toward Sirius, who was making faces at a fuming Lily. "However, it seems that Mr. Lupin's influence hasn't spread to Mr. Black."

I snorted at this.

"Bless you, Mr. Potter." McGonagall obliviously said, believing it was a sneeze.

Sirius looked at us, and raised his brows, "Are you quite done?"

Professor McGonagall sighed, "Yes. Mr. Potter, keep up this behavior, although I did catch you dozing off earlier.

I guiltily say, "Ah…late night…"

She ignored this and nodded approvingly toward Remus, "Job well done. You three may go now."

When I turned, I saw Lily standing by her desk, her green eyes lowered. She looked like she was thinking hard about something.

I must tell her not to strain her brain so much.

As we walked out, Sirius nudged me, "Are you becoming a teacher's pet like Moony here?"

Remus answered for me, "Sirius, it's time to grow up. Mature."

I bluntly added, "Become like old people."

Sirius snorted, "You ain't catching me growing up any time soon. I have my whole life in front of me to get boring, why start now?"

Remus huffily injected, "Mature people aren't necessarily boring, Padfoot."

Sirius sent an incredulous look at him, "Sure, Moony. And Veelas aren't gorgeous. And Malfoy isn't a slimy git. And Snape? Yeah, he's my cuddle bunny."

I laugh at the mental image this brings.

Merlin. Sometimes I wonder what I'd do without my friends. I'd die, I swear.

Well, maybe not, because there's always Lily, but I'd be a lot lonelier for sure.

I love Professor Flitwick.

No, I'm not a Tinkerbelle. I'm just extremely, extremely fond of Flitwick.

After lunch, Sirius and I headed to Charms while Remus went to Advanced Arithmancy. He takes Charms with the seventh years, on account of his being smart as hell.

When we got there, we were a bit late. On account of us cornering Snivellus before class and having a long-overdue go at him.

There were only two seats left. One was next to Katie Wood, and the other next to darling Lily.

Obviously, Sirius sat next to Katie (she's pretty hot) and I sat next to Lily.

Professor Flitwick climbed on top of his stack of books and squeaked, "The person you are sitting next to will be your partner for the project I will be assigning soon."

I beamed at Lily, "I'm so excited!"

She groaned and thrust her hand in the air, "Professor, I refuse to work with Potter."

Professor Flitwick cheerfully answered, "But you will. Part of this project will be meeting new people."

Lily exclaimed, "I know him perfectly already."

Flitwick smiled mysteriously, "No, I don't believe you do."

Lily sighed and thumped her forehead onto her desk.

"You know, Lily, when you do that, you're killing off brain cells that don't grow back." I helpfully informed her.

She looked at me, and sarcastically noted, "You must be speaking from experience."

It took me a while to process this comment and figure out whether she meant I was stupid from my own head-thumping, or I was an intelligent person who has observed this in someone else (presumably Sirius).

In the end, I decided she meant I was the latter. After all, no one could see my grades and think I was stupid.

What a truly stupid idea.

So I sigh wearily and say to her, "I try to get him to stop, but does he listen? No."

She gives me a strange look.

Professor Flitwick calls, "Please note the following instructions. This will be your end of the term exam, worth 50 of your grade."

I smile at Lily, "I know how much you like to write, so you can write them down. Oh, and make a copy for me."

She snorts, "I'm not Melissa Hopkins, Potter. You write your own copy, or I'll let you fail."

Affronted, I reply, "Fine. But there's no need to be so rude."

Oops. I'm out of parchment. If I get up, then Flitwick will get mad at me. I'd ask Lily, but she's furiously scribbling, muttering: "Rotten sexist pig" over and over again.

Wait. I have you. I'll take notes in my diary! This way, I won't forget them.

FINAL CHARMS PROJECT: Due Tuesday, April 17th

1. Pick a charm studied this term. The charm must be of sixth year level. Consult The Standard Book of Spells: Grade 6 for a complete list.

2. Prepare a five foot essay on the history, use, and future developments of the charm.

3. Prepare an in-class demonstration of the charm. The demonstration must consist of:

a. Brief outline of the history behind the charm

b. A display of the charm that shows adequate skill of both partners.

4. Both partners must equally participate. To insure this, each partner will hand in an evaluation of themselves and their partner. See Flitwick for the form.

Oh Merlin. Sounds like a lot of work, if you ask me.

"Lily!"

A pretty girl had walked up to us during our exchange. She had an amused look on her face, and looked at us with twinkling eyes.

"Hi, Tracey." Lily smiles brightly at her, and casts a dirty look my way.

Tracey brushed her hair back and said, "I just wanted to remind you of the Prefect meeting tonight. And could you also remind Remus?"

I speak up, "I'll do it."

Lily glares at me, "Knowing you, you'll forget. I'll do it, Tracey."

Tracey smiles again, and I resist the urge to flirt with her. She's obviously Lily's friend. I wouldn't want them to fight over me, now.

After Tracey walks away, I ask, "Is she single?"

I tried.

Lily snaps, "Yes, but she has higher standards than to date a conceited prick."

Noting my opening mouth, she adds, "Like you."

Oh. Like the wanker thing in Potions.

Anyways, point is, Lily and I are partners for a huge project.

You know what that means, right?

You're both going to get a failing grade because you couldn't stop fighting all the time and actually work on the project.

Shut up, Sirius. It means…

WE GET TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER!

I'll be able to carry out Mission: Make James Un-Arrogant now, and prove to her what a humble, sweet person I am.

I think.

Oh, sh-shoot. Wait. Mum's not reading my diary. She won't know if I use 'vulgar' language.

Last summer break, Sirius and I were playing Quidditch. And Sirius chucked the Quaffle at me so hard, it bloody broke my nose.

Naturally, I let out a few choice words.

With my luck, Mum had just entered the field and heard me swear at Sirius.

She made me get off the broom and yelled at me.

Her exact words were, "JAMES POTTER! I NEVER WANT TO HEAR SUCH WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, EVER! PROPER YOUNG MEN DO NOT USE VULGAR LANGUAGE, AND I AM EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! YOU CAN BET YOUR SOCKS THAT YOUR FATHER WILL BE HEARING OFF THIS!"

That was the summer that Sirius ran away from his parents. His mum is the stereotypical Pureblood. Snooty, bigoted, and evil beyond all belief.

Not to mention quite ugly. Has anyone told her that the 'Muggle witch' look is sooooo over?

Not that it even began.

So, back to me and the privacy of my diary.

Oh, shit.

What if, during the time Lily and I spend together, she (somehow) figures I'm an even bigger prat than she thought originally?

Then I'll really be in trouble.

Oh, no. I'm supposed to meet her in the library in fifteen minutes.

Author's Notes

C'mon! You guys can do better than 15 reviews!

Tracey, I need a description of you, or what you'd like me to write you as. Looks, personality, and House.

Individual replies next chapter, for sure.


Depruding Update on Sunday.

I'm writing an epilogue for Define Perfection. Out tomorrow.

PLEASE REVIEW!