Sho was way too sleepy!
"Sho, wake up! No more naptime!" shouted Mukai as she shook Sho away. He reached up and tried to push her away. No! She wanted to play! Sho was always sleepy during the day and it didn't make any sense. When the sun was awake then you were supposed to be awake!
"Sho, now! Right now! You have to wake up right now!" said Mukai. It's a two tugs to get her on to the bed. Once she was on there, though, she knew what to do. She started to jump. She jumped on the bed, up and down, up and down, but Sho still didn't want to get up. He pulled the pillow over his head and turned to face the wall. Look, I didn't know why he was doing something like this. The sky was awake so now it was time for everyone to be awake. Mama was awake, she was gone but she was awake, and all of Mama's friends were awake, so that meant that all the grown ups and kids in the whole world had to be awake.
And that meant Sho too.
She jumped up and down right next to his head. Sho didn't take the pillow off, he just groaned. He had made the same noise yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. She didn't know why he had to be this way. She wanted to play! There was no one to play with around here! All of her friends were gone. Shibata was busy and Caterpillars was somewhere else and so was Ryou! Even Shigeko was gone and she was the only one who knew how to play dolls the right way. She didn't even have anyone to help her play phone games now that Hatori and Serizawa were gone…
It just wasn't fair!
"Sho, right now! Let's play!" said Mukai. She stopped jumped and sat right down next to his head. She made sure to talk right into his ear so he could hear her. That was how hearing worked. She poked him and talked right into his ear but all he did was push her away!
"You're mean!" said Mukai before she slapped him on top of his head. She slapped him as hard as she could. She wished that she had been wearing her overalls, then she could have taken the buckle off and slapped him with that. He deserved all the slaps that she could give him. When someone told you to play with them then you had to play with them, it was a rule!
"You're breaking the rules! You're mean, Sho, you're mean!" shouted Mukai. She slapped him in the face and shouted into his ears. He tried to put the pillow over them but she pushed it away and scratched his pillow holding hand. No, no more naptime! Not for her and not for him and not for anyone else in the whole world! Now was awake time!
"The sky's awake so you're-" said Mukai as Sho sat up. Good. His colors were showing. Not so good. He kicked the wall. Also not good. She got off the bed. Sometimes Sho got mad and when he got mad he got scary. Like Caterpillars. They were both really fun people but they could both be scary….sometimes big people were scary.
She pulled the blanket down and over herself just to be safe.
"I know, I know, I know!" said Sho as he sat up. Baby Sis shouted and climbed off of the bed…fuck…fuck! He was an asshole and it was only…he looked out the window. The one good thing about Big Sis blowing this place up, there were more windows now. It was thin and at the very top of the ceiling but he could tell that, yes, the sky was awake. The sky was awake so that meant that he had to be awake…even though he'd been awake all night already. But nobody could know that. Nobody could know about Ritsu…especially not Little Sis.
She didn't know how to keep a secret, she was way too little to even know what a secret was.
She was too little, too, to know exactly how sleepy he was. She just wanted to play and technically he was supposed to be watching her. She didn't understand that when people got too tired they got mad…she didn't understand anything. Sho turned to face her and sighed. She had stolen his blanket and now she was hiding under it.
Not the best hiding place in the world.
"Sho's scary….you're scary!" shouted Mukai from under the blanket. She didn't want to hear him yell or see his scary colors! When his colors were scary then…then her colors came out and they were scary and…and she didn't want anything to be scary! She wanted everything to be ok! Right now!
"I know….and I'm sorry. I really am and…and how about we go play? That's what you wanted, right? To go play?" asked Sho. Sometimes being the big brother was hard. He poked at the scratches on his hand. He had done a lot worse to Big Sis over the years. He had hit her and bite her and used her for target practice but she had never once yelled at him the way he yelled at Mukai…
What was the matter with him?
He had scared his own little sister. He leaned over the bed and risked tugging the blanket off of her head. First a little bit and then a little more and then he could see one of her braids, and then the other, and then her whole head. As soon as they made eye contact she shrieked and pulled the blanket back on. His ears were starting to ring with all of this shouting. He missed Fukuda. He would have made him feel better and he would have watched Mukai, too. It would have been ok, too, because he knew the truth….though Mukai didn't really like it when he watched her. Big Sis would have been the best person for the job but she would rather be off with Shimazaki or whatever than with him….fine. He could do this on his own.
He didn't need anyone but himself.
"Hey Little Sis? Hey Mukai? You want to come out and play?" asked Sho. He tried to pull the blanket off of her head but she just pulled it back down and stomped her foot.
"No. You're scary." Said Mukai
"I didn't mean to be. I'm just tired, you know? Like how when you stay up past your bedtime you get really mad at everyone and yell?" asked Sho
"It's not bedtime! The sky's awake so I'm awake!" said Mukai
"Ok, ok, the sky's awake. You're right. The sky's awake so now we're both awake…so you want to come out and play?" asked Sho
"No." said Mukai
"You want to play phone games?" asked Sho
"No Seri, no Hatori, no games." Said Mukai
"You'd seriously rather play with those guys than me?" asked Sho. He couldn't help but be a little hurt…even if she didn't know what she was saying. Right, right, right. She was little and, yes, she did know how to talk better now than she ever had before she still didn't always get everything right one hundred percent of the time. She had no idea how hurtful she was being…nobody ever wanted to hang out with him anymore….nobody ever…
She was three. She had just now learned what words were. She didn't know what she was saying, she had no clue at all.
"Hatori knows games….Seri knows games….fun games!" said Mukai. Seri knew better games than Hatori and he didn't get mad and scary when he played them. Everything made Hatori mad, or sad. He was such a baby sometimes even though he was the big brother and she was the little brother. The girl brother.
"Yeah, well, I know plenty of fun games too! And I can take you places. Those guys are like…like vampires or something. It's like they're afraid of the sun, like it'll burn them or something." Said Sho
"Sunburns….wear your sunscreen!" said Mukai
"Actually, yeah, you're right. Sunburns hurt like a bitch." Said Sho
"Like a bitch." Said Mukai as she nodded. Sunburns hurt a lot but Mama had the magic sunscreen. She knew how to make it better. Shigeko had the magic sunscreen too. All mamas did. When Mukai grew up and was Sho's mama then she would make sure he had lots and lots of magic sunscreen.
"Yeah….don't let your mom hear you say that. If she hears you saying bad words then she'll be pissed at me and then I won't be able to play with you and take you places. Ok?" asked Sho
"Play with me and take me…take me places! I want to go outside!" said Mukai as she threw the blanket off of herself. She wanted to play outside and she wanted to do it right now! She wanted to play outside on the slide and the swing and the monkey bars, but only if Sho helped her, and also the sliding pole, but only if Sho helped her, and also the rocket ship but she was a big girl now and didn't need Sho's help with that anymore.
"Ok, we can do that. Let's go to the woods and climb trees and…and there's this place that I kind of want to show you, I don't now if you'll care but-" said Sho. He wondered she even cared about Fukuda and Dad's fort in the woods. He had taken her there before but she had been too little to remember. She was starting to remember things now…she was starting to get older. When he had been her age he had been interested in Dad. Where he went, what he did, what he had been like when he wasn't pissed off…he was big enough to know better now.
But she wasn't.
She was little enough to love Dad and he was going to hurt her someday. He had been hurting Sho for as long as he could remember and he had even hurt Big Sis, cast her aside. He couldn't let Dad do the same to Mukai…and he wouldn't. He was going to take Dad down before he took over the world…and the day was getting closer. Everyone was running around freaking out trying to get enough Awakened soldiers to at least hold the world once Dad took it over. It was hard to make real Awakened soldiers…a lot of bad stuff happened to them…but it would all be over soon. Everything would be over and…and Mukai could at least have some good memories of Dad before Sho beat him up and he got sent to prison or whatever for all of the bad stuff he did.
It was important to have good memories…even if they were of a bad person.
"No, no, no! No woods! I want to go to the park!" shouted Mukai
"Ok, I can find you a park-" said Sho
"The rocket ship park!" shouted Mukai
"The…the rocket ship park? Are you sure that you want to go there?" asked Sho. That was the park Ritsu went to…he had no idea what time it was…when did school end again? Ritsu was at school today so, if it was early enough, then Sho could avoid him….or if it was late enough then Sho could meet up with him. Run into him. Lie to Mukai about who Ritsu was. She didn't need to know that Ritsu was his boyfriend, she didn't even know what a boyfriend was. She was only three after all. This could….this could work….
Unless she opened her mouth and told everyone who would listen that Sho had been talking to a boy.
Even if she didn't name names if it got back to Dad….or if she told him herself since she knew how to call people on the phone….then it would have been….well he would never have seen Ritsu again. Ritsu would have been kidnapped and brainwashed and then even if Sho saw him again he wouldn't have been the same person. He would have been like one of the Awakened…and that was the last thing that Sho wanted….
He didn't want that at all.
"Yes! Right now! Over there!" said Mukai
"Are you…are you really sure?" asked Sho. He wanted to make her happy but taking her there was a bad idea….he was bad at saying no to her. It was hard to say no to someone you loved. That was why Big Sis had never been able to say no to him.
"Yes! I'm really sure!" said Mukai. She tugged on Sho's leg and tried to get him out of the bed. She wasn't strong enough! He had to get out of bed, now, so they could go! They had to go right now or…or else!
"Go now! Or else!" said Mukai
"Or else what?" asked Sho as Baby Sis tried to pull him off of the bed. She wasn't strong enough to pull him off, of course, but it still hurt him that he couldn't make her happy. She was his little sister and he should have been a better Big Brother to her…he should have been less selfish. Big Sis was always calling herself selfish but he was really the selfish one…but was it really selfish if he was trying to protect Ritsu? He didn't know. He was way too tired for this.
"Or else…or else you go to time out! To bed! With no desert!" said Mukai. That was the very worst punishment that she could think of. Now he would listen, now he would do what she said. She was good at being Mama. When she grew up and became Sho's mama then she would make him take her to the park every single day!
"Desert…desert! Hey Mukai, you want some desert? You want some…what do we have….ice cream? You want some ice cream?" asked Sho. She could say no to ice cream, nobody could say no to ice cream…well nobody but Dad…but she hadn't gotten Dad's weirdness! She was normal and normal people love ice cream.
"Yes please! Right now!" said Mukai as she ran to the kitchen. She could feel him following her as she ran to the kitchen. She wasn't going to wait for him, she knew where the ice cream was, and she wasn't going to get in trouble because Sho had said that it was ok. Sho was the one in charge and when he was in charge then he could decide when desert came!
But just to be safe she would get it herself, just in case he changed his mind.
She pushed a chair right up to the freezer…but she wasn't tall enough! It wasn't fair! She was mad…she was so mad that her colors were showing, her scary colors. She reached out with both of her hands and stuck out her colors. She reached them out as far as they could go…and she reached the freezer door! She reached it and now she just had to pull. She pulled as hard as she could, with her powers, but it wouldn't move! She was still too little! She pulled and she pulled and she pulled.
She pulled too hard.
"Mukai!" said Sho as he caught her with his powers. He should have walked faster. He had heard her dragging the chair but he hadn't thought that she would have actually been able to open it on her own. He hadn't thought about…about her powers. That was what he had seen, her powers. Her aura….she was so little…but this was good. This meant that nobody was going to put her in an Awakening machine….
He wouldn't have let anyone treat her like that, anyway, powers or not.
He caught her with his powers and put her down onto the ground. He had to stay calm. He had…he was fine. He looked down at his hands. They were shaking. A bead of sweat fell from his head and onto his arm like a raindrop. A salty raindrop. A warm, salty, raindrop. Rain was cold…water was cold. Water was cold and he was naked and he had never been so cold in his life and it was dark and the water kept on rising and rising and rising…and there was no way out….
There was a way out. He was out.
He shook. Mukai had run away, he could see her looking at him from under the kitchen table. She was watching him while he watched her and…and he could see it in her eyes. She was scared. He was scaring her…he had to calm down. He had…he had come in here to get her ice cream…and that was what he was going to do. Right now. He forced himself to take a step forward, to walk through the water, the water that wasn't there. He took one step and then another and then, soon, he found himself right in front of the freezer.
He opened it.
He took the ice cream out, strawberry, and put it on the counter. Then he took out a bowl. Only one. He couldn't keep anything down right now. When he got this sick Fukuda normally fixed him but Fukuda wasn't around. He was all alone, now, he was on his own and…and he was in charge and…and he owed Mukai a bowl of ice cream. He took a spoon from the drawer and started to get some ice cream out for her. It wasn't easy, his hands were shaky, and he was pretty sure that the only thing holding him up right now was the counter…but he was fine. Mukai was going to be fine. She had gotten her powers. That was a good thing. She was an esper and….and that was good. She…she could learn from him and…and he would keep her safe. He would kill anyone who tried to do that to her.
Even if it was their own dad.
"H-here. Ice cream. I-I made you ice cream….I mean I put it in a bowl so just…here. Have some ice cream…it's for your….your powers day. You got your powers today." Said Sho. He held the bowl of ice cream in one hand and made his way, slowly, to the table. The room was big and the floor was uneven and…and it hurt. The whole bottom of his foot was burn and people smelled weird when they burnt and…and he wished that the water was back but then the water was back and…and…
"There's no water." Said Sho softly. There wasn't any water, there was just air, and he was fine. He was safe. He was…this was a good day. When he had been her age he had wanted his powers more than anything else in the world and….and she felt the same. When she had been little, a baby, she had always tried to be like him and…and now she was…she was just like him…
He prayed that she never wound up becoming anything like him.
"No water, ice cream…scary ice cream." Said Mukai as she stuck her head out from under the table. Sho was pulling the chair back, now. He had gotten her ice cream but…but what if he got mad at it? What if his scary colors came back? What if he shouted and broke something or…or hit the walls? He was scary when he did things like that….big people were scary when they did things like that.
"No, no, it's not scary. It's good. You…you got your powers and….and this is a good thing so…so here, have some ice cream. We're celebrating." Said Sho. He put the chair in front of her bowl and waited. He didn't trust himself to pick her up. He didn't trust himself at all right now. He had to brace himself against the table. He was hot….too hot. He needed to get out of here but….but he didn't get that option. He was here and she was here and…and she couldn't take care of herself. He could.
He would do anything for her. He was her big brother.
He would keep her safe. If anyone tried to Awaken her then they would die. Like how Big Sis hadn't. She hadn't saved him from being Awakened. He knew that he had agreed to it but….but he had been little! He hadn't known what he had been agreeing to until he was in there and…and then he had been trapped and….and he would protect Mukai with his life. She was so small and…and he had to keep her safe. She was small enough that she could hide under the table….she was small enough that it took her two tugs to get up into her chair….she was small….
She was only three.
"For me?" asked Mukai. Sho nodded and handed her a spoon. She took it from him and got to work. Ok, this wasn't scary ice cream at all. She didn't know why Sho was so scared. He had scared colors now…she didn't know why. Maybe he needed ice cream, ice cream could make anything better.
"Here. This for you." Said Mukai as she held out a spoonful of ice cream. Sho just shook his head and took a weird breath. What? Was he sick? Fuckuda made people better when they were sick but he was with Caterpillars…she wished that Caterpillars was there. He always knew what to do, sort of like a mama but a boy. Boys couldn't be mamas, they could only be like mamas, and….and she wanted Mama. Mama always knew what to do.
"You sick?" asked Mukai. She stood up on her chair and tried to poke him on the forehead with her spoon. That was what Mama did when she thought Mukai was sick. Sho was sick, she decided, because the ice cream was on his head. That meant that he was hot, it was melty, and things got melty when they got hot. She poked him in the mouth with her spoon. He needed ice cream, ice cream made everyone better.
"No….I'm fine…and you're fine too. Today you got your powers and…and that's good. It's a good thing and…and if anyone tries to tell you that you aren't good enough, that your powers aren't good enough, then…then I'll kill them." Said Sho as he pushed the spoon away. Mukai took it back and sat down. She sat down and she just…started poking at her ice cream. She was poking at it and frowning….what? What was wrong? Had someone been mean to her? Had someone told her that she needed to be Awakened? Had someone been planning…Sho had never killed anyone before but….but Shimazaki knew how. He could teach Sho. Sure it was weird as fuck that he was in love with Big Sis but he and Sho were still friends and if he asked then Shimazaki would teach him and then….Fukuda had said that once you killed someone you couldn't go back…
But you couldn't go back, either, after you were Awakened either.
"I have ice cream." Said Mukai. She didn't know what was wrong with Sho and she didn't like it. Mama had said that everyone had feelings inside of them and sometimes their feelings made them do mean things. Like in Frozen how the trolls said. Sho was mad or scared or stressed…..she didn't know what stressed was but she knew that she had ice cream.
Ice cream made you feel better.
"You do. I got it for you." Said Sho. She didn't understand…well of course she didn't. She was only three. She didn't understand what he'd been through….Sho hoped she never understood what he'd been through.
"Now you have ice cream too." Said Mukai as she pushed her bowl over to Sho. He pushed it back, but she pushed it back too. It wound up in the middle. Sho sighed, took the spoon, and then took a bite. He made a face but ate….good. That was good that he ate. Now he could feel better. That was what she needed. She just needed him to be awake so he could play with her, so he could take her to the park, and so he could be happy.
That was what mattered the most. When Sho was happy then he wasn't scary, and also he made her ice cream and he couldn't do that if he was sad….or asleep.