Confessions of a Marauder

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On his seventeenth birthday, James Potter receives a diary from his best friend, for the sole reason that it was on sale. Soon, he finds himself pouring his thoughts and dreams into it, and beginning to realize his true feelings for Lily Evans. A funny diary, read!

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Two hours later, we were reading books feverishly, searching for any information we might have missed.

Well, by 'we' I mean only Lily.

I was doodling mindlessly, and watched as a dog's form emerged which suspiciously looked like Sirius.

Merlin, I hope everything's fine…

No. I refuse to go over this enlightening conversation with my brain for the millionth time. Everything is OK. Sirius and Peter can handle Remus. They've done this a thousand times before…

But then again, I was with them. This is the first night they're alone…and Peter's such a bloody coward, he won't be able to help Sirius at all…

And Sirius's dog is pretty small (I hope he never reads this comment) and might not be able to handle a fully formed werewolf.

Oh god, oh god…

I think I'm hyperventilating.

Lily looks up from the book she's scanning and curiously asked, "James, are you…OK?"

"Me? Of…of course I am." I answer in an embarrassingly high voice.

This, of course, reminds me of my voice breaking in fourth year. A highly mortifying time where I went around squeaking like a girl and was met with giggles and snorts of laughter.

Lily cast me a suspicious look then went back to reading.

Do I have a paper bag in my schoolbag by any chance? When Muggles hyperventilate, they breathe into one. I know. I've seen it in movies.

Hm. Inspection of my schoolbag results in no paper bag.

Oh, look! I have a Quidditch Weekly in my bag! Merlin, I've been searching for it for…

Well, I hadn't realized I lost it in the first place. But all the same, I'm glad I found it.

On the cover, there's this giant picture of Kirk and Lydia Krum. They were married two months ago. A sensational marriage, the magazine called it. Kirk is a key player for Bulgaria (seeker) and Lydia's brother is on the Irish team. They should have hated each other, but they ended up falling in love.

Pity. Everyone knows once a Quidditch star is married, there is NO way he will ever play competitively, thanks to his dominating wife who refuses to let him risk his life for a game.

Women are so daft, really. They think Quidditch is just a sport.

Lily looked at me and asked sharply, "Are you taking notes, James?" Her voice is accusing, and full of reproach.

Hastily, I assure her, "Yes, of course I am."

"Are you telling me you're taking notes on Apparating from a Quidditch magazine?" Lily snarls, looking murderous.

I guiltily say, "Well, you can't expect me to read textbooks. The only people who read textbooks are ge-"

My eyes suddenly flashed to the numerous textbooks lying in front of Lily, and stuffed in her schoolbag.

Saying 'geeks' and ending my sentence will quite possibly end my life.

"Are…um, smart. And you know me- Mr. Daft." I finish lamely.

A small smile quirked Lily's lips, "I believe that's the first time you've ever insulted yourself. Needless to say, it gives me great satisfaction that you're becoming less of a prick, albeit slowly. It's a nice change from your usual attitude. You know-"

As if that wasn't humiliating enough, she added in a high, girly voice, "Lily, Look at me, I'm soo perfect."

I stared at her in horror, "Is that supposed to be an imitation of me?"

She ignored me as she continued, "I hope you keep this new attitude up."

I bit my lip uncertainly and asked, "I don't really sound like that, do I? You know, like a girl?"

Lily smiled mysteriously at me, and with that, she cheerfully went back to reading.

I swear that girl has problems. One second she's ready to rip off my head, the next she's humming.

I'll chalk it up in my List of Weird Things Girls Do. You know, the whole mood-jumping thing?

Oh my god.

Am I dreaming?

I must be. Because what just happened…what I think just happened…can never happen. It's impossible! It's as unfeasible as…Snape having clean-

Snape.

In my life, I have felt a variety of emotions towards him: disgust, scorn, hatred, amusement…but today, I feel sorry for him.

Sorry.

For Snape?

If you told me a month ago that I would feel sorry for Severus Snape AKA Snivellus, I would have draped my arm around your shoulders and said in a comforting voice, "I have dreams like those too. Well, mines involve a certain girl declaring her everlasting love for me. But man, they're not coming true, so all we can do is proceed with the life we have."

But now…

Oh. That twitchy first year Dumbledore keeps as a messenger squeaked, "The high and exalted Professor Dumbledore is ready to see you."

Another case of hero worship.

Dumbledore looked up from his desk, and motioned towards the chair opposite him. I sank down gratefully, because my knees were shaking so hard that I wasn't sure if I could've remained standing for long.

"Professor, I just want to say that Remus had nothing to do with all this." I quickly said.

"I know, James. I have already to talked to Sirius."

Sirius.

Traitor.

I gritted my teeth and looked away, "I'd advise you not to listen to him."

Dumbledore said quietly, "Perhaps if you had listened to him, James, this…catastrophe never would have happened."

"I listened to him plenty. But did that stop him from…attempting murder on a fellow student?" I loudly answered, glaring at the Sneak-o-snope adorning Dumbledore's desk.

Peering at me from behind his half-moon glasses, Dumbledore asked sadly, "Did you really listen to him? Or did you ignore him for other people…namely Miss Evans?"

Of course not! I felt like barking. But then again…

I kind of did.

Like when I totally blew Sirius off so I could go pester Lily to go out with me, and when I brushed him and Remus off tonight, so I could study with Lily, and when I…(at this point, my brain is overwhelmed with memories of me brushing off Sirius)

Oh my god!

It is true.

I'm a horrible friend.

But…he betrayed Moony!

"But he betrayed Moony…er, Remus! I mean, I hate Snape as much as he does, but you don't see me going around trying to get him killed!"

I chose not to mention the countless times I told Snivellus that jumping off the Astronomy Tower was the ride of anyone's life, and that he wouldn't be injured because of the (nonexistent) magical barrier on the ground below it which would cushion his fall.

Dumbledore nodded at this, "That he did, but perhaps he had a deeper reason than simply resenting Snape."

I shrugged, "What good is reason now? Remus is going to be expelled, and Sirius is going to Azkaban."

Narrowing his light blue eyes, Dumbledore strongly said, "Not if I have a say about it, and I assure you, James, that Remus will continue his studies here in Hogwarts, and Sirius will certainly receive a suspension among other punishment, but no student of mine will be sent to those foul Dementors."

I smiled wanly, "That's great Professor, Remus shouldn't be…what! Sirius isn't even going to be expelled?"

Touching his fingertips together in a gesture that vaguely reminded me of a prayer, Dumbledore sighed, "I don't believe you're as eager as to have your best friend sent to the gallows as much as you may act like it."

"Of course I don't want Sirius sent to the gallows!" I indignantly informed him. "I just want him to get the punishment he deserves for stabbing all of us in the back!"

"I believe he has already received part of this punishment, and will soon receive the rest when he finds he has almost lost his three best friends."

Almost? I was already plotting a revenge which included turning the whole school on him.

Dumbledore noticed my grimace, and mentioned, "I would like you two to talk once. Then afterwards, you are free to do as you choose."

I don't see how me yelling at hexing Sirius will do any good. I mean, I won't change my decision just because he has a Bat-Bogey hex on him.

Confuddled.

Utterly, impeccably bemused.

Words that describe that blond girl who keeps following me although I have told her countless number of times that my heart belongs to Lily, but my lips aren't reserved, so let's get at it in the third floor broom-closet?

Nay. Words that describe my state of mind.

Shocking, isn't it?

So I had a talk with Sirius. And I guess I kind of see why he tried to get Snape killed. But that doesn't make it right, does it? I mean, if everyone who deserved to be killed was killed, then our world would suffer a lack of government officials.

This is my conversation with Sirius:

Me: Silence

Sirius: Look mate, I just want-

Me: Don't call me mate.

Sirius: James, then. Or Potter, or whatever you want to be called. Just listen, please?

Me: Oh, sure. I'll listen to your pathetic excuse for betraying all of us.

Sirius: I did not fucking betray you guys!

Me: Oh, really? I suppose some spirit must have possessed you and made you tell Snape about Mo…Remus. Lupin to you now.

Sirius: No! I accept that I told Snape about Moony…but mate, betrayal was the last thing on my mind when this happened.

Me: Oh, so you have an excuse?

Sirius: You want to know why I told? Just read this, and tell me whether you would've have done what I had! Snatches crumpled parchment from robe pocket and shoves it into my hand.

(Letter is copied below for future reference)

Sirius,

I'm worried. Mum was talking about how Regulus joined He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and how his friends were leading him to the right path.

One is that man whose marrying Narcissa…Lucius Malfoy, and the other I believe attends your school. Severus Snape.

Please try to protect Reggie. We both know that despite his hard words, he's really an innocent child.

Your loving cousin,

Tonks

Me: Regulus joined Voldemort?

Sirius: Yes! And that filth Snivellus is the one who led him towards this! I just know he did this to get us back, and Regulus is going to die because Voldemort is so utterly evil and…James, I'm scared too.

Me: You hate Regulus, don't you?

Sirius: Pausing I don't reckon I do. He's my brother. We grew up together, and after knowing him for sixteen years, it's just bloody hard to see him getting killed. I mean, I hate what he supports- Voldemort and all that Pureblood rubbish, but it's not his fault! Mum and Dad are the ones who raised him to believe all this! He's so bloody innocent, he'll believe anything they say.

Me: Oh Merlin, Sirius. Why didn't you tell me before?

Sirius: I wanted to, but Evans bought up that thing about my family being Death Eaters and I was afraid you'd think I was one too. And then you might never speak to me.

Me: Look, I will never, ever think that about you! Don't I know how much you hate that stuff? And Lily was just trying to be hurtful, she didn't mean what she said.

Sirius: I'm not blind or deaf. I know how the rest of the students look at me. Everyone's just waiting for me to show my true Black colors, and the second I do, they'll haul me off to Azkaban without even bothering to find out if it's true.

Me: Sirius, that'll never happen.

Sirius: Yes it will! With that Snivellus…what happened to him anyway?

Me: Peter came to the library tonight and told me everything. I reached the Willow just as Snape was poking the tree…and I stopped him. Mate, you have no idea what that guy has gone though in his…anyway, I stopped him. But I think he saw Moony. And knows about him being a werewold.

Sirius: Shit.

Me: Moony knows. I visited him in the Hospital Wing and he knows that he almost attacked some students, but he doesn't know who. All he remembers is two boys and a flash. That was Dumbledore stunning him. Merlin, he's so scared…I reckon you should talk to him. Explain everything. He'll forgive you.

Sirius: Have you?

Me: Right now…I don't know. I know why you did it, and maybe I would've done the same. But that doesn't make it right, Sirius.

Sirius: I know. And I really am sorry. If I had been thinking, I would never have made this huge mistake.

Me: If you had been thinking, you would've known we were mates and you could tell me everything.

-Fin-

Well, that's what happened.

I'm still not sure whether I've forgiven Sirius. It's not up to me, I suppose. It's all up to Moony now, and I just hope he'll make the right decision.

Problem is, I have no clue what the right decision is.

Author's Notes

Eeps! I'm sooooo sorry for not updating since forever, but I had loads of stuff to do.

Please review! It really helps the author update faster, if you know what I mean…nudge, nudge. And feel FREE to ask any question that's making you as confused/bemused as our darling James Potter/Blonde ditz.

Kisses,

Celina

PS: A bunch of authors (including yours truly!) are soon posting a Round Robin Story, which is basically a story that gets passed around with each author adding a chapter or two. And it's LOADS of fun, and a REALLY good way to get a variety of writing styles in one story! And I can personally assure you that it'll knock your socks/other foot accessories off.

As more info comes, I'll post it on my profile.

Check it out.

Sneak Preview of the next chapter of Confessions of a Marauder:

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"Sniv…Snape, don't go in there!"

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"For once in my life, Potter, I'm going to be the hero. And you think you can just rob me of this chance, like you Marauders did with every other chance? Not on your pathetic life."

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A flash of light blinded us suddenly, and he crumpled to the ground, lying in a silent heap.

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