Minori didn't have a drug problem, she had a dad problem.
"Minori, what is this?" asked Dad as he held her school bag in one hand and her pen in the other. The good kind, the kind Shige used to share with her. Back when Shige had been someone worth being friends with. Back before she had shown her true colors. Back before she revealed herself to be a bitch in first grader's clothing.
Goodbye and good riddance.
She had ruined Minori's party, absolutely ruined it. It had been going so well until she thought that she was too good for the guy that Minori had set her up with. She had also promised to bring lots of coke, weed, and liquor for the real party. Dad had made her invite her entire class, that is everyone in her year, when who she really wanted to invite were her friends. People in the year above her, some of them even in high school. Her thirteenth birthday party was supposed to be the thing that brought her elementary school life to a close. Out with the old, babyish, Minori and in with the cool, middle school Minori. She had been trying to start off well, to impress the right people, befriend everyone who mattered…
But she'd wound up embarrassed.
Branded a liar. That was what had gotten around. Only a few people had even seen Shige and those that did barely remembered her. So everyone said that Minori was a liar, that she didn't have a cool friend with drugs, and what was worse…what really ruined the night…was that Shige had left. Without Shige there, with the guy Minori had picked out for her since Shige couldn't be trusted to pick out her own guys, she would have just come back with some nerd or something, Minori had just looked like…well there had been a lot of words thrown at her. Slut had been one, easy had been another. There had been worse ones, too. It was one thing to play spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven but it was another to actually want to take a guy into a room and do things with him…
Shige knew that.
But she'd fucked her over anyway. Her best friend…well that just went to show that you couldn't trust anyone. Not your friends, not your best friend, not guys, and not even your own Dad. Dad hadn't even cared about what had happened, the censored version, he had just cared about the stupid video someone took and posted of her and the real party doing coke. That idiot had posted it to his main account, the one that his parents watched. His parents had seen it, freaked out, and then his parents had told Dad's people and Dad's people told Dad…
And then she'd spent the last semester in rehab…and she hadn't even needed it!
"My backpack." Said Minori. What was Dad so pissed off about…no, not even pissed off. Dad was making that face, his disappointed face, the one he made when he wanted to guilt her. She hadn't done anything wrong. She had just tried coke that one time and then he'd freaked out. She didn't have a drug problem, if anything Shige was the one with the drug problem. She had been smoking weed since they'd been ten and eleven. She was the one who was doing drugs with older guys, yakuza guy, and she was the one who had gotten Minori into all of this. It was her fault and nobody else's. She was the one who had made Minori start smoking weed.
So maybe instead of standing there and wasting both of their time Dad could just call Shigeko's Dad's people and tell on her.
Then she could waste an entire semester in rehab. Then she could miss elementary school graduation. Then she could go to a completely different middle school than the one she had been planning on going to. Then she could scramble to figure out who was worth knowing, talking to, watching, befriending. Then she could fuck up and have to deal with all the bitches and losers and…and everyone else at Minori's stupid school for fucked up losers…and she could live in the middle of nowhere, too, right in the middle of the country where there was no one around and deliveries took forever and there was nothing to do!
Shige was the one who should have been living here…like this. Not Minori…she hadn't done anything wrong.
"What did I find in your backpack?" asked Dad
"Probably my homework." Said Minori. Dad sighed. He forced himself to sigh, to breathe out. He did that when he got mad. He never yelled at her. She wished that he would have. Then she could have yelled back and then they could have at least been on the same page. Why didn't he ever just say what he was thinking? She was a disappointment and he wanted her to suffer for it. She wasn't ever enough. She wasn't smart enough to run the company when he died, she wasn't old enough to know anything about anything, she wasn't…she wasn't enough.
She was never enough.
"Minori…what is in my hand right now? My right hand." Said Dad
"I don't know. Maybe I need glasses." Said Minori
"If you need glasses then I will get you glasses…and if you need any other kind of help I can get it for you. I know that you're at a difficult stage right now, I was your age once too-" said Dad
"You used to be thirteen and you knew what it was like. How moving to middle school and dealing with body stuff can be. Next you're going to tell me that it's even worse for me because there's so much more girls go through. You're going to tell me, next, that your door is always opened. Even if you're in a meeting, even if you're making a billion yen deal, you'll always have time for me. After that you're going to hug me and tell me that I'll always be your little princess." Said Minori
"Minori, there's no need to be cheeky." Said Dad. Well now he looked mad…good. Maybe then he could finally be honest with her. Maybe he could finally tell her how he really felt. Everyone was so too faced. Her friends, her Dad, her best friend…everyone was just waiting for their chance to stab her in the back. You couldn't trust anyone.
"And there's no need to keep doing…this! You're lying to me, right to my face. You say that it's all going to be ok and you're there for me but I know what you're going to do. You're going to hug me and then you're going to ground me, not that there's anything to even do around here, and then you're going to have my room and all of my stuff searched and then you're going to send me back-back to that place! So just come on and get to the point, I don't need you to lie to me! You're always lying to me!" said Minori
"Minori, I have never lied to you. I do love you, I do know how hard it is to be thirteen, and I do know that it's even harder to be a thirteen year old girl. I don't know exactly what you're going through but-but damn it I'm at least trying here! It's hard being both mother and father-" said Dad
"Then stop it! I don't need another Mom and…and if this is the way you're going to be then I don't need a Dad either!" said Minori. If this was he way he was going to be then she would rather have been an orphan, at least they didn't get bossed around. Shige's nonbinary friend had been an orphan, Shige had said, and they'd left the group home when they were in middle school and then they got to be an adult. Minori didn't want to wait, she didn't see the point. She was already practically an adult. She would rather have lived all alone than spent another minute here dealing Dad and his constant attempts at controlling her!
"Minori….you're saying things that you don't mean. We both need to take a moment to calm down-" said Dad. When in the history of EVER had telling someone to calm down actually worked!?
"I do NOT need to calm down! You want me to suffer! You want….you want to believe the worst in me! Well stop it! It's just a weed pen, there I said it! It's just weed, it's not like I'm doing drugs-" said Minori
"This is drugs, Minori! This is very….this is illegal! If someone catches you with this then-" said Dad
"If someone catches me with that then I'd happily go to prison! It wouldn't be much different than living here!" said Minori. She wanted to be taken away! She wanted to go to prison! Prisoners had more rights than her! At least prisoners got to talk to people and leave their cells everyone once in a while!
"Minori Asagiri! You…I am trying my best to reason with you here but you are being unreasonable. I don't know what happened to you. Ever since you met that Suzuki girl…this is my fault. I brought those people into your life. I never should have-" said Dad
"Yeah, Dad, it is your fault. I never wanted to be friends with her in the first place. She's weird and boring and she acted like a baby all the time! You just wanted me to make friends with her so you could get in good with her Dad and then you could have made more money. That's all you care about, making money." Said Minori
"Minori…you're angry right now and you don't know what you're saying." Said Dad. He was talking down to her…he was always walking down to her. He thought, he had always thought, that he knew best. That she was too dumb to know herself, to take care of herself, or maybe he just needed her to be dumb. Maybe he just wanted to control her…it was easier to control a dumb person. At least that was what Minori had thought…though now she knew that Shige had just been playing dumb to get her to put her guard down. Shige was somehow the biggest bitch that she had ever met in her life!
"You're right, I don't know what I'm saying. What I really meant to say was that you only wanted me to make friends with Shige because you thought that her Dad could help you bring Mom back. Well he can't, nobody can." Said Minori. Dad was shaking, now, and his face was red. Good, he was finally being honest about something for once in his life.
"You…we both need space…" said Dad. What, now he wanted to leave her alone? Why, because she was finally telling him the truth!? Because she was the only person in this house, in this family, who was willing to be real for five seconds?
"She's gone and she's not coming back and there's nothing that either of us can do about it! You're not Mom and neither am I! Neither of us-" said Minori
"Enough! Minori…you need to see Doctor Yamamoto. Right now." Said Dad. He had yelled…again. Good. So this was what he was like….good. He deserved this. He deserved to feel this, to feel everything that he was feeling right now. Maybe now he could maybe actually try and imagine for five seconds how he'd made her feel every day for her entire life.
"What, I'm not grounded?" asked Minori sarcastically. Dad made a face like someone had shoved a piece of black licorice up his nose. Good.
"No, you are. He's just going to have to make a house call. You're going to talk to the doctor and you're going to do whatever he says and…and you're going to get better. I'm sorry I lost my temper. You're….you're sick, the drugs have effected your mind and your hormones are affecting you as well-" said Dad
"Oh my fucking God, Dad! I'm not crazy and I'm not pissed off just because of my hormones or whatever! I'm pissed off because-because you treat me like this! I'm pissed off because-because you treat me like this! For my entire life. You've treated me like a prisoner! Like I'm just some problem you have to manage! You never let me go out, you never let me have friends, you never let me do anything! You want me to be a baby forever! Well guess what? Dad, I'm not a baby anymore!" said Minori before she left. She heard Dad behind her telling her not to storm off like that, that they had been having a discussion, that this was something she needed to bring up to Doctor Yamamoto…
Well he could talk to Doctor Yamamoto then if he had so much to say!
Minori slapped the walls as she walked down the hall. She knocked some of the pictures off the walls, their glass frames shattered, but she didn't care. She hadn't picked out any of those pictures. She hadn't picked out anything in this house. Not the furniture, not the art, not the rugs, not the location…she hadn't even picked out any of her own stuff! Dad had 'surprised' her with this house when she got out of rehab. A new house and a new bedroom.
A teddy bear bedroom.
When in the hell was Dad going to accept that she didn't like those stupid fucking things anymore?! He had filled her room with them, put up teddy bear wallpaper, gotten her a teddy bear loft bed with a slide like she'd had when she'd been little…he'd even had a princess teddy bear makeup table made for her…like the one she'd had when she'd been a baby….well she wasn't a baby anymore and she wasn't crazy either! She didn't need to go to rehab, she didn't need a psychologist, and she didn't need to talk to Doctor Yamamoto! She was perfectly fine, perfectly normal, Dad was the one who couldn't let go!
This was all Dad's fault.
Dad was the one who had made her make friends with that backstabbing bitch in the 1st place! Memory screamed as she threw an end table down the hall. This was all Dad's fault. If he hadn't wanted her to do this, that he shouldn't have set her off, so this was all his fault! He wanted her to suffer! He was just as two faced as everyone else! Nobody was on her side, nobody had been on her side since...since mom...
Since she had lost mom
Since Mom had gotten sick. Since Mom had stopped being able to play with her, since Mom had stopped being able to brush her hair, since Mom had stopped being able to get out of bed. Since Mom had gotten sicker and sicker, on paler and paler... since Mom had started throwing up every single day... since the doctors filled mom with medicine that they had promised would make her feel better, but instead it just made her feel worse... since she got dinner and thinner until she looked like she was dead... but she had still been breathing...
Eventually she had stopped breathing.
Minori could still remember it, the rattle, the rasp, and then nothing. She had been playing on the floor of Mom's room when it happened. She had been sleeping, too tired even for a teddy bear tea party. Minori had even used the bears from Mom's collection. She had given them all to Minori…Mom had said that she had wanted to be able to watch Minori enjoy them while she'd still been around. She had…she had made it sound like she was going on another trip…like Dd had found another doctor…one who knew what he was doing. There had been so many trips back then…so many trips and so many doctors…and Dad had promised that one of them would have been able to make Mom feel better!
He had promised.
But no, no, no! He been a liar then and he was a liar now! Minori screamed as she walked down the hall…until she ran out of hallway to walk down. Dead end. Door on either side. One that led to the servant's living space and the other…the other that led to the shrine room. This wasn't a new house, not really, it was an old one that Dad's family used to use when they wanted to get away. It had one of those old shrine rooms. Dad had fixed it up.
But not in teddy bears.
Mom would have liked the teddy bears. Mom….she would have liked this place, too. She liked quiet places…well Minori had kind of fucked that up, hadn't she? Her throat hurt from screaming. She just…she hurt. On the inside and the outside and…and it just hurt. This was all Dad's fault, he had just made a big deal out of nothing. It wasn't like she had a problem or anything. It was just…a lot. The whole thing was a lot…
He had no idea what she was going through.
Nobody had any idea what she was going through. Nobody had ever had to deal with this. Everyone was always just…they didn't mind if people were too faced because they were too faced too. Minori didn't lie, not unless she had to. She was who she was. She had dealt with liars for her entire life. People trying to be her friend so they could use her….people lying about even liking her…people who turned out to be petty, mean, bitches….even her own Dad…
But not her mom.
Mom had never been like that. She had always been so nice and…she had told Minori the truth. She would be going away soon, she said, but she treasured the time they'd spent together. She hadn't told the truth but she hadn't lied…Minori would rather have talked to Mom than dealt with Dad. She could hear his voice carrying down the hall. He was telling the doctor what happened….Minori didn't want to deal with this. She didn't want to talk to Dad or the doctor.
She opened the door.
It smelled like incense in here. Dad had told the servants to keep it going no matter what. Minori didn't know if Mom liked it…she didn't know if any of these dead people liked it. There were so many pictures and urns…it was creepy in here. Minori felt like she was being watched, like there was someone looking over her shoulder right now…breathing down her neck….
Nobody was there.
She was an idiot. Of course there were no such thing as ghosts. Ghosts were just stories that Dad's made up to make you feel better when someone died. Mom's spirit wasn't watching over her, no spirits were. When people died that was it, lights out. Mom's spirit wasn't in here and neither were the spirits of any of these other dead people. That chill she felt was because Dad had the AC going way too high in the house. That feeling of being watched was just because Dad was out there looking for her. That feeling like someone was hovering behind her…it was creepy as hell in here and dark too. She was alone…she pulled out her phone and set it to flashlight…she was alone and she was stupid for looking around. She shined her light all around the room. Nothing.
Just her and the shrines.
"Sorry for being such an idiot, Mom. It's Dad's fault for making me this way." muttered Minori as she sat down. She faced her mom's shrine. There was a picture in there from back when she'd been young. Before Minori…she had look so happy back then. Minori wondered if Mom had ever gotten the feeling like…like it had been coming. If she had ever been able to feel herself getting sick or…or if she knew…
If she'd known then she would have done something.
Minori knew that she would have. She would have done something before…before she had gotten sick or…or she didn't know! She had no idea how this worked! It wasn't fair! Life was unfair! Life was so unfair and…and she just wished that…that it wasn't! That people weren't too faced and they didn't lie…that she could trust people….her family…her friends…
Her best friend.
Her phone chimed. She looked down….another thing from Shige. She'd been gloating. That was the only reason for it. She been posting stuff like crazy. It wasn't a coincidence that all of her posts had come after Minori had posted about how she was 'taking a break' at home…which meant that Dad wasn't going to let her out of this prison even for summer break. Even though everyone else in her class, everyone who mattered, had chartered a plane and were going to spend the summer break in Okinawa. Shige had been there and she'd posted nonstop about how many shells she'd collected and sandcastles she'd made and shows she'd gone to and just…she was hanging out with yakuza guy and he was hot as ever and….and why did she have to gloat like that!
Minori threw her phone!
"Fuck!" shouted Minori. The screen was cracked…she could see it from here. The little bit of light in the darkness…someone needed to open the curtains. She had a whole other problem to deal with. No way Dad was going to get her a new phone now…and she had no way of going anywhere on her own. This wasn't Tokyo, she couldn't just sneak out and get a cab. This was the middle of nowhere and she was…Dad had brought her here….he had brought her here to be a prisoner…
She was tired of being a prisoner.
She was tired of being a prisoner and she was tired of all of these two faced people and…and she was just…she suddenly felt very tired. She just…she leaned back. She had gotten herself too worked up and she hadn't had enough to eat today, she was trying to get down to a small, and…and she was kind of dizzy. Dizzy and cold…she'd eat something when she woke up…if Dad wasn't still being a two faced bastard….like most people in the world were.
She was so sick of people…all they ever did was lie…even her best friend. Everyone…everyone in the world needed to be punished for what they had done to her…for what they had put out into the world….
She closed her eyes and went to sleep…the whole time feeling like someone had been watching her.