Suzuki would admit, to himself, that he hadn't been one hundred percent in control of that situation.

It hadn't been his fault. That mission should have been over in two weeks, not five. If his head had been on straight, if he'd actually been able to take a step outside of himself and focus on the task at hand, then he would have been able to see the big pictures and not wound up in a one…a three…a five man way against a surprisingly massive esper criminal syndicate. Something that, if it had been allowed to grow, could have rivaled Claw.

Good thing, then, that he had taken it down.

Well he in the sense that he had people on it. Hatori had been the most useful out of all of them, Hatori and Higashio, though Higashio would not be joining the inner circle. No, Shigeko chose the inner circle and he didn't feel like having any kind of conflict with her. Also feeding and housing that many people was putting a real dent in Claw's finances….though Shigeko wasn't helping matters. She had been on some sort of vacation or holiday or maybe she had just felt like wasting money. He didn't know and he wasn't about to ask her.

He couldn't afford any more distractions.

Suzuki leaned his head against the cool glass of the window. He so loathed ground travel, long car rides especially but Shigeko had completely shot the private plane budget. He was going to have to either travel on his own….with just the core people he needed…or he was going to have to do a hell of a lot more delegating. That was what he had people for, wasn't it? He had division leaders, Scars, general upper echelon people…but if he wanted something done right then he had to do it himself. If he wanted a rival group wiped off the face of the Earth then he had to do it himself. If he wanted to take over the world then he was going to have to do it himself.

No matter how tired he was.

"You want some?" asked Hatori as he held a can out to him. Suzuki shook his head.

"You know I hate sugar." Said Suzuki

"It's canned coffee." Said Hatori

"Is there sugar in it?" asked Suzuki

"Let me check…it says that it has ten grams of sugar and it has three added grams of sugar so…thirteen grams?" asked Hatori. Suzuki shook his head. He would have been able to taste that. The last thing he needed to deal with, on top of the crushing headache and what he assumed was his spine slowly wearing down, was the taste of sugar in his mouth. He clicked his tongue to the top of his teeth. He was thirty…and tried….

But he had water and it would have to do.

"That's ten grams all together with three of them unnecessary. That's still too much sugar…and I can't believe you had to think about the math on that….and even with all of your thinking you still got it wrong." Said Suzuki

"I don't like math…" muttered Hatori. Suzuki reached over, briefly, before pulling his hand back. Hatori seemed like he needed comfort right now, at least his aura did, but Suzuki was being watched. He didn't care what Tadashi saw, at this point in whatever their relationship was, but the other two…Otsuki and Higashio, were another story entirely. He was President Suzuki to them, well he was always President Suzuki, but…well to some people he was Touichirou. There had never been his much of a disconnect between the two, not before, not when he'd been younger…not when he'd been more assured of himself. President Suzuki and Touichirou had once been one in the same…back when things had been simple.

Things were anything but simple these days.

He had actually been about to offer Hatori affection and comfort. From a purely logical and practical perspective it was in his best interests to keep Hatori happy and loyal to him. When he'd first heard about the little boy who could control computers it had been a novelty at best. It hadn't quit dawned on him, then, what the world had become. How many aspects of life were now controlled by machines, by computers, just how much of the world could be crippled with a keystroke. His first computer had been a grey box with no mouse and a monochromatic display. He'd mostly used it to type his homework and, once it had been possible, connect it to the phone line and occasionally argue with various morons. You could do so much more now…and it made sense to keep someone as useful as Hatori near him.

But it went beyond that.

Nozomu was…well he was pleasant company. True he tended to overreact, and he could be something of a slob, and also he tended to eat potato chips in the bed despite the fact that it meant that they'd both end up sleeping in a pile of crumbs, but he was still…he was pleasant. He had intelligent things to say. He could hold up his end of the conversation….though he did tend to say more than was required of him. Yes, he knew that Shiori was a very attractive woman, but Hatori tended to wax poetic about her…should he have taken that as a compliment? From any other man he would have…well there would have been some sort of violence involved in his reaction…but Nozomu was young and he didn't quite know what he was saying and….and Suzuki knew he didn't always know his own strength. The last thing he wanted to do was harm Nozomu, and not just because he would have been out a very useful asset.

He would have been out a friend.

President Suzuki did not have friends. President Suzuki had allies, assets, and useful people he kept in his general aura. President Suzuki did not have people he kept around strictly for their companionship. President Suzuki did not have people he kept around for the sake of conversation. President Suzuki didn't need anyone. Touichirou…Touichirou was a lot weaker than President Suzuki. He used to be better than this, even back when he was married, he had never allowed himself to be this weak, no matter how badly he missed MasamI no matter how hard it had been to be alone, even when his mind had gone to thoughts of Tadashi it had never been this bad. He had thought that he had risen past the need for human connection years ago. Obviously he was wrong. Or maybe he was just backsliding...that was always something that he'd had work on. Backsliding, becoming someone he didn't want to be….someone who he had never wanted to be. He knew exactly who he was and who he wanted to be, and he had been working towards being this man for the better part of his life...but the better part of his life was gone now.

He was forty six…he should have been more together than this.

It was all coming to a close now. Once this was done then he could finally rest…as much resting as he could have done after becoming the ruler of the world. Holding the world may prove to be as difficult as conquering it…but he looked forward to the challenge. He looked forward to getting everything that he had always wanted…even if he wasn't the sort of man that he had ever wanted to be. He had wanted to be President Suzuki, and everyone knew him as President Suzuki, even if…even if he had been becoming more and more like Touichirou every single day.

He didn't much care for Touichirou at all.

"If you want something without sugar in it there's water." Said Tadashi. Suzuki didn't look at him, he couldn't risk it.

"I am aware." Said Suzuki, still not looking at Tadashi. He kept his gaze fixed out the window. The sky was blue, the road was empty, and the horizon stretched on…if his head hadn't been killing him he would have done something fun like calculate his current velocity in relation to the rotation of the Earth. He didn't even try, though, not in his head. He would have just miscalculated.

He hated miscalculating.

When he had been younger, when he had still been learning, when one of his greatest joys in life had been sitting on the floor of his father's office and playing with his calculator…not even understanding what he had been doing….he had been very young…when he had been that young one of his greatest joys had been 'helping' father with his quarterly reports. Inputting numbers and watching them grow, figuring out their relations to one another. As he had gotten older he had realized what each of the symbols meant, how the numbers had been computed, and it had occurred to him that he could compute the numbers on his own on a sheet of paper.

Being a small child there had been numerous mistakes.

Father hadn't been impressed. Mother had been, it had been a good day for her, but father had told him that if had been planning on trying to impress anyone with that poor excuse for work then it wasn't happening. Nobody would have taken him on with work like that. He would have had no livelihood, his wife would have left him, and his children would have starved. When you miscalculated, when you got careless, money was lost. Time was lost. Jobs were lost.

Fukuda Tadashi had been his greatest miscalculation. He couldn't believe how badly he'd muddled everything between them. Taking other people's emotions into account had never been Suzuki strong suit. he hadn't even thought that Tadashi would have had such strong emotions on the subject. They had sex, it was over now, and they both should have been able to move on. They had a combined age of nearly one years old, they should have been passed all of this, past…how had Nozomu put it? Catching feelings? That expression…he liked that expression. It was very descriptive. Catching feelings, like catching a cold, something unwanted that wormed it's way inside of you and made you feel absolutely terrible. Discombobulated. Off kilter. Upside down.

Feelings, emotions, were like microbes…but worse.

They couldn't be destroyed. They couldn't be seen. They couldn't be measured. They couldn't be conquered. They could only be lived with…lived with and suppressed. He had to…he had to do his best…and his best had never been good enough, had it? His emotional control had always left something to be desired and…and he didn't like this…

He risked a glance at Tadashi.

He was wearing that green sweater despite the summer humidity and heat. He liked to be warm, maybe that was why he ran warm. Suzuki knew that if he had been stupid, that if he had been sitting beside Tadashi, it would have been like sitting beside an electric heater. Warm and pleasant…he looked away. Glanced away. Nobody could ever even suspect just how weak he was when it came to Tadashi….or in general. He had done some digging and, yes, Claw had a lot of people who weren't fully heterosexual if at all. He wasn't alone…though there was still that aversion to people knowing. Maybe it had been a lifetime of social conditioning. He was Suzuki Touichirou and it wasn't as thought anyone could have hurt him…but the world did not need to know. It was none of the world's business…none of his subordinates business. Those two seemed to be off in their own little world, he suspected that they were a couple though he hadn't asked, and…well he wasn't being watched directly but he didn't need news of his personal life and…entanglements…spreading throughout Claw.

From a purely logical perspective, the only one he should have been taking, it would have damaged his reputation in Claw and the last thing he needed in addition to every other headache and fire was to be dealing with a bunch of upstarts, deserters, and traitors.

"There's tea, too, black tea….it doesn't say what kind but-" said Tadashi

"I said I was aware." Said Suzuki. He kept himself composed. He couldn't lose control, not in front of people who he wasn't close to….not that he should have been close to people. Emotions were easy to catch, like microbes, and they did just as much damage. They broke you down bit by bit until you were unrecognizable to yourself. Until you were a shadow of your former self. Until you had no idea who you even were…if he had ever known…

And the worst part was emotions could never truly be exorcised.

He could surpass his emotions but they never truly disappeared. It wasn't like exorcising spirits. He couldn't just force enough of his energy, his power, his will into his emotions and destroy them from the inside out. He had been trying for the past forty six years. He had feelings, for Tadashi, for the past thirty of them….longer than he'd even been married for. He wished that he had known that it had been an option, being with Tadashi, because then maybe he wouldn't have been in this emotional predicament. Maybe then he would have had enough time to get everything out his system…and Tadashi would have had time to do the same. Tadashi clearly wanted at least a sexual relationship with him, which was understandable considering how amazing it had been, but that couldn't happen. Suzuki needed another child and…and he just liked Shiori better as a partner. Not just because of her second X-chromosome but also because she…well she wasn't annoying. Tadashi was always overstepping into Suzuki's life, Shiori only cared what he did so long as it affected her as well, and Tadashi…well he took up too much of the bed…

Though it was nice waking up next to him.

A flare of his aura. He had to calm down and stay that way. It had been a long few weeks and he needed to rest…after he finalizing some things at Hongkong HQ…he could rest on the plane ride back to Japan. Tokyo HQ had it's own problems…and then he would make time for Shiori…and then he'd probably have another fire to put out. Lots of fires in the endgame…lots to do….but he had to get it done. He had been working towards this for his entire life and he couldn't let something as pathetic as all of his emotions, ones that he'd caught like microbes, stand in his way.

Nothing could stop him now.

"I know what you said, I just thought-I mean I can sense-" said Tadashi

"I'm fine." Said Suzuki. His head was killing him, his back was killing him, and he could feel sleep prickling at the corners of his eyes….but he was still fine. He wasn't weak. He couldn't show weakness, not in front of everyone and not…not to himself.

"But-" said Tadashi. Otsuki put a hand on his arm and shook his head. Suzuki…did nothing. He had no claim over Tadashi so therefore whatever that emotion had been, he wasn't even going to bother identifying it, was useless and had to be ignored.

"Fine. You're fine." Said Tadashi

"And you're annoying." Said Hatori as he scrolled through his phone with one hand and let his drink spill onto the floor in front of him. Suzuki didn't have the energy to deal with that right now. Let the Awakened deal with it later.

"You're both annoying me and I want silence. Right now. Nobody is to speak to me unless it's of the utmost importance." Said Suzuki. Immediately Hatori made that sound when he had something to add, something to say, but he didn't want to come out and say it for whatever reason….he could be somewhat annoying at times…like now.

"This had better be important, Nozomu…Hatori." Said Suzuki

"It kind of is…if you care about this sort of thing." Said Nozomu

"Just come out with it already." said Suzuki

"Do you care at all that Mob's…that Shigeko's planning on going to see the northern lights? In Finland? With…with Shimazaki?" asked Hatori. It was the mention of Shimazaki's name that got everyone's attention, not the fact that Shigeko seemed to think that the northern lights would be visible in July. They wouldn't have been and…and maybe he should have warned her. That should have been the shocking thing, that his own child could have made such a mistake, not the company she kept…he didn't get a say in the company she kept but he did get a say in…in how she spent Claw's money. His money…and her going all the way to Finland to see the nonexistent northern lights with Shimazaki would have been a waste of money.

Also Shimazaki was blind so even if it had been during the winter it would have been a waste of money.

"Yes, yes I do care. I care immensely." Said Suzuki. More eyes on him…what? What was so strange about….he was Suzuki Touichirou and he could care about whatever he wanted to care about.

"Really? Great! Ok, so I'll tell Mob to tell Shimazaki that he needs to get the fuck away from her and-" said Hatori

"Tell her that she's going to waste money, a lot of it, and that the northern lights aren't visible during the summer. I don't care what company she keeps, I just care that she doesn't make my life more difficult than it needs to be." Said Suzuki. More stares. He made eye contact with all of them one by one. Higashio looked away first, then Otsuki….though it was hard to tell with all of that hair in his face. Tadashi was last, he held his gaze, and Suzuki knew what that meant. Tadashi had something to say.

Well whatever it was he was going to have to keep it to himself.

"And…what about Shimazaki?" asked Hatori

"He couldn't have seen them anyway." Said Suzuki. What else could he have said? He hated Shigeko's choices when it came to men…or just about anything….but he could see her reasoning. He was a powerful esper, he was good looking, and for some strange reason she found his presence enjoyable and not at all annoying. She cared for Shimazaki and Suzuki…he had lost control of the situation years ago…nothing he could do now…..

"But what about….ok, yeah, I'll tell her all of that." Said Hatori

"Good…and ask her…ask her if she's planning on joining the rest of us back in Hongkong…and if she isn't tell her that I expect to see her in Tokyo." Said Suzuki. Suzuki delete row could admit to himself that he wasn't one hundred percent in control of the situation when he came to his daughter. Why would he have wanted to be in control? She was a grown woman. She was a very short grown woman, by every measurable metric except for her age, and age as a metric didn't really matter anyway. When he had been her age, years ago, he had decided that he was going to take over the world and here he was now. From the age of thirteen onwards he had known exactly who he was and who he wanted to be. Shigeko did as well.

She was her own woman.

He had no desire to control another adult like that, not one that didn't work for him, not one that he didn't need...well he did need Shigeko. There was no way he was going to be able to take over the world without her, she rivaled him in strength and it would have been a lot easier with her than without her. So he did need her and she did work for him but she was also his daughter. Their relationship was different than that of everyone else in Claw. She was…he hadn't fathered her but she was his child…and that caring, that weakness, made him…the way he was now. She was beyond his command and it was difficult…a difficulty he had to avoid. Exorcise. He was so close now, he couldn't fail…he couldn't afford to get distracted by anything or anyone.

The only thing, the only person, he could be fully in control of was himself…and he needed to start doing a better job of it.