All familiar characters belong to Janet. Mistakes are mine alone.
"Hi, Aunt Steph. Are you busy?"
"Well, I'm currently listening to Junior tell a riveting story about how the guy at the deli forgot to put a pickle in his sandwich. What?" I asked Junior, who is now giving me the closest he'll come to a frown. "I'm totally on your side here. A sandwich needs a pickle either in or beside it. Everyone knows that. You were clearly gypped. Okay, what's going on, Angie? I can wait until later to find out if deli-guy lived or got tossed in the Delaware River."
"Can I come over?" She paused, as if considering the wisdom of what she's asking.
I'm not the grown-up Angie would typically choose to confide in, believing she's way more of an adult than I am. I can't argue with her there because she's right. So now I'm a little concerned. If this is something she wants my opinion on … it's a subject she doesn't want Valerie to know about.
"You know you're welcome here anytime," I reminded her. "Do you want me to wait for you and your mom at the gate?"
Another pause told me that I'm right. Val doesn't know what's going on, but I'm about to.
"Would you like me to come get you?" I offered, before she had to answer my other question.
I could hear the breath escape her lungs in a whoosh of relief. "Yeah."
"Are you at home?"
"No. I'm at Greta's house. Can you still come pick me up?"
"Of course. I'll be there in fifteen minutes tops."
"Thanks, Aunt Steph. I knew I could count on you."
She hung up feeling much more confident than I did.
"Where are we going?" Ranger asked, coming into the control room kitchen in time to hear the tail end of the one-sided conversation.
"Something's going on with Angie. She wants to come over and see me without Val knowing about it."
Only Gene shouting 'Active Shooter On The Premises' would have the guys reacting more than they did hearing that my niece has a problem. Knowing she's reached the age to be interested in boys, and also do stupid things in response to them, had them on high alert for a teenage boy ass-kicking request.
"Stand down, Guys," I ordered them. "Could be she just wants fashion advice. We don't know what's happening yet."
"I'm going to tag along anyway," Ranger informed me.
"But I'm probably just coming right back here with her."
"I'll drive," was his reply. "Turbo or Cayenne?"
"If only I had your problems … deciding which Porsche to drive," I teased.
"Careful, Babe. One call to your father and I can add Big Blue as an option."
"There's no need to be mean. In case Angie, and Mary Alice by association, need some added 'cool points' at school, let's take the Turbo."
"We're only a call away," Hal told me.
"Yeah, no little fucker is gonna hurt a Plum-girl on our watch," Junior added.
"Technically, my nieces are Kloughns now, since Val wanted all of their last names to match."
If Steve got the impression he's been replaced, that's just a bonus.
"Still …" Bobby said.
"Believe me, if anyone is giving my nieces trouble … I'll be the first one to send in the troops. Just give me a chance to find out what we need to be pissed or not pissed about first."
They all nodded, but it's clear they aren't happy about my decision.
"You really have no idea why Angie called?" Ranger asked me, while we were in the elevator going down to the garage.
"No. I always thought I'd be the last person she'd come to for help of any kind."
"You don't give yourself enough credit, Steph."
"Probably because no one ever gave me any except for you. I'm not great with kids, but lurking under all the worst-case scenarios I have running through my head, I'm oddly excited that Angie called me."
"She loves you," he reminded me, as he beeped his car unlocked and got the door for me.
"Maybe I should sit in the back … make it seem more like a confessional?"
He dropped a quick kiss on my mouth. "If that makes you feel better, sit in the back, but it won't change anything. She wants you for a reason, and my bet is on nothing getting in the way until she has the answer she needs."
I was half-thrilled that she'd respect my opinion that much, but also terrified that I'll fail her. I mean, what if she's pregnant? What the fuck would I do then? I've never been or even wanted to be pregnant, so I could only advise her on how to prevent that nightmare from happening, not deal with the fallout from a failed contraception-attempt.
Ranger hadn't closed the back door yet and he correctly read the panic running all over my face. "To repeat what you just told the men, you should wait and find out whether or not you need to be upset before you assume the worst."
I tried for a smile. "That is good advice," I told him.
If only it were that easy to shut down my racing thoughts.
Twelve minutes later, I popped the back door of the 911 open. "Hop in," I told my niece, when we pulled up to the driveway she was standing in.
She waved bye to Greta, who must've been watching to make sure Angie was being picked up by the appropriate person, and then she settled herself into the empty bucket seat beside me, flicking her eyes to the driver.
"Ranger didn't want me dishing and driving, so he's playing chauffeur. Just ignore him, he can't hear what we're talking about back here."
She gave me a 'You're so full of it' eye squint. "I heard you tell Mom that Ranger's hearing is so good, he can hear your thoughts."
I shrugged. "Yeah, but he only has that superpower when it comes to me. What anybody tells me, he's completely deaf to."
She's smart, so of course she didn't believe me. But like he always does, Batman said the perfect thing at the perfect time. "As soon as I realized that your aunt was coming to see you, I made sure to be on hand in case either of you needed something."
"He's not kidding," I assured her, "but you don't have to say anything until we're alone on Seven. I'll just point out that if this is a boy-issue … Ranger is the best boyfriend there is and can provide some really usable information."
"I also provide other services if you're in need of advice on a different subject," he said.
She thought about it, but being the most straightforward young lady after Julie, she just jumped in. "It is about a boy," she told us.
I closed my eyes because I freakin' knew it, and then I popped them right back open in a 'get it together, Stephanie' moment. "Alright. I know boys, and Ranger was one for a couple of years, we can handle this. Though now I know we have to get to Seven. I can already feel that this is going to require a lot of cookies and milk … maybe even a beer apiece for the adults."
"Not if we're driving her home," Ranger reminded me.
I sighed. "Okay, milk for everyone then. Can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah," Angie answered.
"Why aren't you talking to your mom or a friend like Greta about this?"
Now she sighed. "Mom will just tell me how great I am, and that if a boy doesn't like me, that's his loss."
I bumped my shoulder against hers. "She's right about that one. Any boy who can't see how amazing you are … deserves to have his butt kicked into next week by a Rangeguy."
"Babe," Ranger warned from the front seat.
"I know, I know. I'm not stupid. I'm telling Angie that, not any of the guys. I'm pretty sure they'd get in trouble for wiping the floor with a dumb kid."
"He's not dumb," my niece objected.
"Huh, now we're getting somewhere. Who is this boy? And how do you want me to help you with him?"
Ranger turned down Haywood and fobbed the gate open a second later. "Let's get comfortable before we start discussing the boy," he told us.
"Uh …" was my niece's reaction to that suggestion.
"I can stay on five if you'd like more privacy," he offered, "but I think my presence will be valuable … if only to keep your aunt from freaking out on you."
"Good point."
"Hey!" I said to both. "Let's not forget that there's a reason I was called … I just don't know what that is yet."
I had to wait for an answer to that one while we passed through the giant man-tunnel the Rangeguys made with their bodies as they loitered in the lobby waiting to see if their 'services' were needed.
"Jury's still out," I told them. "Don't go far."
"Aunt Stephanie!"
"Fine. Go about your business, Guys. I've got this."
"You sure?" Bobby asked.
"Yep … for now anyway."
I couldn't see her face, but I could feel the eye roll my niece gave me. Ranger took our coats and hung them up while I ushered Angie to the kitchen and divvied up the browned-butter chocolate chip cookies Ella had dropped off last night with dinner. Ranger just insinuated in the car that I have zero control over my impulses, but the fact that there are still cookies left to share means I do have a little willpower.
"So what do you need from me?" I asked.
"Your opinion," she answered, taking a bite out of the cookie she'd toasted mine with. "Mom said that you're like a human lie detector, and I want to know who's lying … Seth or his friends?"
"How different are their stories?" Ranger asked her.
"Seth swears he likes me, but every one of his friends have come up to me when Seth's not around to say he was just trying to win a bet by talking to me, that he's not interested in a 'brainy girl'."
My spine snapped into place from its relaxed position, and I caught Ranger's eye. "You cannot tell me that I'm not within my rights here to go threaten a couple teenage a-holes."
"Let's get all the facts before we begin issuing death threats," he suggested.
"I don't want to wait. They've already crossed a line."
Sure, I sound like a kid myself with that lame argument, but if someone screws with my nieces, I'm going to make them regret it.
"What has this Seth told you?" Ranger asked, clearly not needing a cookie to get through an inquisition.
"That he likes me, because I'm smart and not afraid to speak my mind if I feel strongly about something."
"Damn," I muttered, "he's sounding a lot less evil now."
"But how do I know if he means it? Or if his friends are right and he's only trying to win some kind of bet, which takes this to a level that's …"
She paused and I was happy to fill in the end of her question. "Beyond cruel?"
"Yeah. I am smart, really smart, but not when it comes to boys … especially one who seems interested in getting to know me better."
"Ange, it's possible to be smart and attractive," I began, but Ranger cut me off.
"Your Aunt Stephanie would know. She's beautiful but is also an irreplaceable member of my team because of how her mind works."
"That's a nice PC way of putting it," I told him.
"It's the truth. And if I'm attracted to brains, there's a good chance your Seth is too."
"He's not mine … yet."
"But you want him to be. Am I right? In an age-appropriate way though," I added.
The thought of any of my nieces, or God help us all … Julie, going through what I did when I lost my virginity, had me feeling nauseous as well as really homicidal. I can't even begin to imagine how Val will handle going through this stage three times.
"Yeah, I do like him," Angie told me. "But his friends are right … boys don't generally like the smart girls."
"Because we can call them out on their bullshit. Don't repeat that where your mom will hear you ... I don't need another lecture. But the bullshit-thing doesn't apply to every case. You know that Ranger's sister Celia has a near genius IQ and guys propose to her on an hourly basis."
"She looks like a supermodel!" My niece pointed out.
"The Manoso genes are potent, but the Mazur/Plum ones aren't too shabby either. Your Mom was a straight-A student and homecoming queen. And she was never hurting for a date. She was so popular, I reeeeally wanted to punch her."
Angie laughed for a beat, then turned serious again. "But Mom married Albert. I guess you could say dad was a handsome guy, but he wasn't very nice to her. You got all the hot guys."
"Not everyone can be as irresistible as I am," I joked, since I'm pretty sure she just inadvertently admitted that I'm not as smart as Val. "And to keep things less weird for the future, I'm gonna remind you that if I marry Ranger, he'll be your uncle … who you definitely won't want to refer to as 'hot'."
"It's cute that you said 'if' when we both know the correct word is 'when'," Ranger told me.
"Anyway … we're talking about Angie here, not me. How does Seth act when it's just the two of you?"
The expression on her face went all dream-like and I was momentarily jealous that I didn't get to experience that feeling when I was her age. And then I remembered that I saw that exact same look in the mirror this morning when Ranger appeared behind me and wrapped his arms around me while I was putting on my makeup.
"He's really sweet. He asks me questions about everything, like I'm the only one who has all the answers." Her cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink. "He's really cute too."
"Of course he is. And if his friends ambush you two while you're busy solving the world's problems?"
"He'll drop my hand, but he doesn't move away from me. If he likes me, shouldn't he tell them to go to hell or something?"
"You would think," I told her "But you're at a tricky age. He wants to have his own life, yet he feels like he has to keep the friends he's had longer than he's known you. It's dumb, since if they are his friends, they should want him to be happy ... and accept whoever makes him feel that way. That awareness usually takes longer to kick in than you'd think it would or should."
"I guess," she said.
"Is he someone you think will be worth the time and energy in the end?"
"When I'm with him, I'd say yes."
"And right now?" Ranger asked her.
To her credit, she took a few seconds to really think about it. "The same."
"Okay then," I said. "That settles it. Next time you see Seth, tell him that your almost-uncle owns a security company and jokingly ask him if he'd be willing to take a polygraph test to prove he likes you. If he's 'the one' for you for right now … he'll laugh and agree just to see if you were serious. If he starts stammering and looks like he's about to pass out …''
"I know he's just messing with me?" Angie asked.
"Not necessarily, but you'll know to proceed with caution … and only for as long as you feel good about being friends with him."
She nodded like I was telling her something she'd already decided to do on her own. "Do you own a polygraph machine?" She asked Ranger.
I answered before he could so she'd know we have all her bases covered. "No, but Ranger will always find a way to take care of anything we need. You should bring Seth by so he can learn from a master. Arranging polygraphs and offering car rides with no-strings support are among the least of what Ranger will do for the lucky girls like us that he loves."