The Life he Left Behind

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jack and Sam held each other for what seemed like an eternity, all their anger and regrets slowly easing their way out of their bodies as they held onto the other, desperately trying to find comfort in the other's body.

The sound of music coming from inside Jack's house finally broke the two apart. Pulling away from his shoulder, Sam wiped her hand across the wet patch on Jack's shirt and looked up into his eyes. "We, uh, should probably head on in," she squeaked out, turning her gaze from Jack to the back door of the house.

Jack coughed lightly and took a step back from Sam. "Uh, yeah, okay," he replied as he ran his hands through his hair in a self-comforting gesture.

And there it was, once again! The tension. Even after the argument, the kiss, the comfort they found in each other's arms, the tension still returned like a nail through the head! Sam sighed audibly and turned towards the door, 'why could they not get pass this?'

As the couple walked into the house, the hoard of people who had assembled in the house, broke out in applause.

"It's about damn time!"

"Why don't you two get a room already?"

"When's the wedding?" came from several different people.

Sam lowered her head as her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. She quickly pulled away from Jack's side and headed over to Janet and Daniel who were standing in the kitchen.

Jack played along as if the comments didn't bother him and grabbed an unopened beer out of Ferretti's hand.

"Hey, mooch, that was mine!" Ferretti complained at losing his beer.

"Ah, go get another one. I paid for the damn thing," Jack replied just before chugging the bottle. "And grab me another one, too."

Ferretti grinned and shook his head playfully as he headed towards the frig.

Sam leaned against the counter in the kitchen, still a little off from the recent events.

"So," Janet started with a grin as soon as Ferretti headed back out to the living room. "That was one hell of an argument between the two of you."

"I don't want to talk about it, Janet," Sam replied, turning her head away from the curious gaze of the medical officer.

"Sam?" Daniel's concerned voice cut in.

Sam felt tears start to gather in her eyes, not wanting to seem weak in front of half the base, she ignored her friends as she desperately tried to regain her composure.

Janet and Daniel exchanged concerned looks and then returned their gaze to Sam.

"Please, guys, I can't, not right now," Sam choked out and then headed out of the room at an incredibly quick pace. She could feel her defenses cracking and didn't want anyone to witness her breakdown.

Sam rushed to the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Sitting on the toilet, she grabbed a wad of toilet paper and covered her mouth to muffle the sound of her sobs. The worst part was, she wasn't even sure why she was breaking down! Everything that had happened since the colonel came back to town had her on an emotional rollercoaster and everything she had been through was finally catching up to her.

She knew this day would come. They always do. It took her over two years to finally break down after her mother's death and she didn't react to the crap she dealt with from Jonas until his death on that planet. It was what happens when you hold everything in, eventually it becomes too much and erupts! But here? At the colonel's house with all the men she worked with everyday. Why couldn't this have happened when she was at home?

Sam tried to stop, but it was like a dam had burst. She was unable to control herself. Eventually giving up trying to contain it, she finally just let it all come out, muffling the noise the best she could.

Shortly after her sobs had died down slightly, a knock sounded on the bathroom door. "Sam, sweetie, are you okay?" Janet's voice came through the door.

Sam took a few deep breaths before replying. "Yeah," she croaked out, a tremble escaping in her voice. "I'm just not feeling that well, Janet. Uh, I'll be out shortly, okay?"

"Okay, sweetie. Do you need anything?"

"No, thanks."

Sam heard Janet's soft footsteps walk away from the door and stood up to wash her face in the sink. After a few cold splashes, Sam looked at herself in the mirror and patiently waited for the red patches around her eyes and nose to clear up.

Just when her coloring was starting to return to normal, another knock beat on the door. "Carter, open the door."

"Sir, I'll be out in a minute," Sam replied, trying to fix her messy hair.

"Just open the damn door, Carter! Everyone else has left."

Sam closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. 'Damn.' She wasn't expecting this. To have to face him alone. 'Double damn!'

"Sammmmm" Jack cooed on his side of the door.

'Yup,' Sam thought. 'He's had a few too many beers tonight.'

"Carter, if I have to, I'll go get my big screwdriver and take the door off it's hinges. Don't tempt me. Now get the hell out here."

Sam absently ran her hands over her body trying to smooth down any ruffles in her clothing and, after one more deep breath, unlocked the door and opened it.

"There you are," Jack's soft voice sounded out as he looked over the woman before him. Even after all the work she went through to hide her breakdown, Jack knew she had been crying. Her eyes were still puffy and her cheeks were still a little pink. "You okay?"

Sam nodded her head. Jack's concerned gaze almost made her break down yet again. But, the soldier in her wouldn't let that happen. She could get over this. She knew she could. She just needed to distance herself. Get as far away from those deep, dark, loving eyes as she could. "I-I should probably get home."

"Oh, no you don't," Jack replied, gently wrapping his hand around her right arm. "You're not going anywhere tonight."

"Sir…"

"DON'T, Sam, just don't. We've been through this. Stop pushing me away!"

"The kids…"

"Are both asleep in the guest room," Jack cut in.

Sam sighed in defeat. 'Damn it, this wasn't what she needed!'

"Come on," Jack's soft voice cut in to her thoughts. "I made coffee." He gently pulled her towards the kitchen.

Sam took her spot against the counter while Jack poured her a cup of coffee, adding just the right amount of cream and sugar, just how she liked it.

"So, you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asked after handing her the steaming cup.

"Nothing."

"Carter, I know you better than that."

"Sir, with all due respect, no you don't," Sam replied, icily.

"Excuse me," Jack responded, his eyebrows shooting up to his forehead. "First, stop with the God-damn sir already, second, I worked with you through hell and back for four years, I DO know you."

Sam, tired of feeling weak, looked Jack directly in the eyes. "You knew me two years ago, JACK. Things have changed. I have changed. I'm not the same person I was back then."

"Bullshit, Carter," Jack interrupted.

"See! You're still calling me Carter just as much as I'm calling you sir. We're still seeing each other as we did two years ago when you were my commanding officer and I was your second-in-command."

"Carter…"

"No, Jack, damnit! I'm not Carter anymore to you! I'm Sam now. I'm a mom for God's sake!

"I know who you are…"

"Do you, Jack? Do you really? Because as far as I can tell, you don't. Yeah, you did know me, when I was Major Carter, the soldier who had nothing to lose and would follow you all over the galaxy and do anything you said. I'm not her anymore and you don't know me now! I'm Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. Sam. Samantha. Mommy. Not Major. Not Carter!"

"Sam," Jack started in a low voice that immediately eased the tension in Sam's body. "I love you. The old you, the new you. It makes no difference to me. I love what you were and what you've become. Yes, becoming a mom has changed you, but that doesn't stop me from loving you. If you want to take this slow and make me fall in love with you all over again, then that's what I'll do….just…don't push me away. Please."

Sam bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes. She wasn't expecting this. She didn't know what she was expecting, but Jack giving in to her was not it. She loved him, damn it! Did this really have to be this hard? Without realizing it, Sam's body relaxed into Jack's.

Jack wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the forehead. "Dinner, tomorrow night? Just me and you. We'll get Doc or Cassie to watch the munchkins. What do you say?"

Sam, still not completely in control of her tumultuous emotions, nodded her head against Jack's shoulder in acceptance.

Jack gently squeezed her body more into his as acknowledgement of her answer.

Sam, finally feeling some sense of peace, allowed herself to find comfort, once again, in the arms of the father of her children.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------