Mob felt like she hadn't seen Sho in years.
But there he was. He was sleeping, kicks and all, in his bed…his bed that she hadn't tucked him into since….well a long time. But he didn't like being tucked in anymore, he was too big now, he had said so and…and things changed. Things changed and people grew up and sometimes they grew up to be really dumb and to make really bad choices-
She hugged Sho.
"What the fuck!" said Sho as he sat up. Something was holding him down. Pushed with his powers but nothing-oh, ok. Right. This was Big Sis. She was here, at the crack of dawn, and she was hugging him. That wasn't weird for her, she hugged him a lot, early. She had done that a lot when they had been little. He wasn't sure if he liked hugs now. Well, he liked when Mukai hugged him, but Mukai was very little. Big Sis was a lot bigger and a lot stronger. His powers had no effect on her…he tired to get away…
She wouldn't let go.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love you too. Now let go of me." Said Sho. Big Sis let go of him….but then climbed right into bed with her. She smelled like smoking, milk, and for some reason cats. Had she gone to visit Fukuda without him or something? No, no, no…that didn't make sense…there was cat hair on him now, though….
He didn't mind the cat hair.
He didn't even mind Big Sis that much. Sure, this was…this was ok. She was here, she was being clingy, and this bed wasn't big enough for the both of them. But it was still nice that she was back. Not that he'd missed her that much…not that he'd missed her every single day that she had been gone. Not that he looked over at her empty bed, or Mukai's bed, and thought about how for most of his life she had been there but then she wasn't. Not that he had ever thought about her leaving him permanently, she was his sister and sisters didn't run away. She had promised and a promise meant something.
Right?
"Sho, can I hug you for just a little longer? Please? I haven't seen you in so long." Said Mob as she reached out for him. She just…she just needed to hug him for a little while longer, that was all. Not forever. She shouldn't have woke him, she had done such a good job of sneaking into the house, and she…she should have just laid down in her own bed and gone to sleep even though she wasn't tired…
She was so selfish sometimes.
"Fine…come on. I guess that I missed you too…even though you're covered in cat hair." Said Sho as he let Big Sis hug him. He hugged her back even though she was covered in cat hair. Sister hugs were worth the cat hair.
"Sorry." said Mob as she let go of Sho.
"You didn't hug me that tight." Said Sho
"No, I mean about the cat hair. Ryou and I went to the cat islands and…what's wrong? Your aura changed." Said Mob. Sho scooted away from her, as away as he could get on such a small bed…well it was normal sized, they were just bigger now.
"There's nothing wrong with…just don't mention him, ok? It's still really weird for me and…and I would have wanted to go to the cat island too." Said Sho crossing his arms. She hadn't meant anything by it. This was Big Sis he was talking to, she never meant anything about anything. She had just…she had just been telling him what had happened to her.
He had to stay calm.
If he got mad then he was going to say or do something that he regretted. He knew himself. Bad things always happened when he got mad…and he was tired of it. He was tired of being…of being himself…but who else could he be? He needed to be better…he didn't know how to be better but…but he got the feeling that this was a good start.
Not yelling….not acting like Dad. That was as good of a start as any.
"I'm sorry…I didn't think you would have wanted to go and….and the whole thing is weird for me too and…and…" said Mob
"Why's it weird for you? You're in love with him." said Sho. If he had been in her place…not that he wanted to be. Not that he still liked Shimazaki like that, he didn't, but if he had then he would have been the happiest person on Earth…if he had still felt that way and wasn't Ritsu's boyfriend.
"I…it's really complicate and I don't want to think about that right now." Said Mob. She didn't want to talk about all of that with her little brother…but she did have to warn him about love…about how someone could fall in love with you without you even doing anything. How sometimes you just…you did dumb things. You did dumb things because they felt good and you told yourself that it would be the last time but…but Sho was still little. He didn't have to know about this kind of thing yet.
"What's complicated? Either you love someone or you don't." said Sho
"It's…sometimes someone can be in love with you and you have to love them back and…and sometimes you do things that you never thought that you would do and…and its very complicated. It's very complicated and…and you're little." Said Mob
"So? You know I'm only six months younger than you, right? I'm not a baby and you don't need to treat me like one." said Sho
"I wasn't trying to treat you like a baby and…and our birthdays are really close together." Said Mob. She knew her birthday and Sho's and it had been weird, before, when she had first noticed that they were the same age for part of the year. Mom had said that it was just the way things worked out….but it took nine months to make a baby. She knew, she'd done her research. It took three seasons, or nine months, for a baby to grow inside of you…but she was half a year older than Sho….
How did that work?
"Yeah, I'll be thirteen in less than half a year. I'm not a baby. I know about stuff. I know that you and Shimazaki are in love and are probably going to have a bunch of kids or whatever but I don't care. You can do whatever you want. I have Ritsu and he loves me and it's not complicated. It's like…kind of like love at first sight, like in a movie." Said Sho
"But love at first sight isn't real. Frozen and Enchanted said so." Said Mob
"Well, art imitates life so it has to be real for some of us and I guess that I'm just one of the people that it's real for." Said Sho. He didn't mean to sound like an asshole…but he also kind of did. He didn't need Shimazaki, Sho had already met someone he loved and it wasn't complicated at all. So, really, he was the lucky one for once.
"Yeah….I guess you are…..I'm so happy for you, Little Brother!" said Mob before she pulled him into a much too tight hug. She needed to hold onto him for the rest of her life. Then he would feel just as happy as she felt for him right now. He was right, things had worked out for him, and she was glad. He would never have to go through what she went through. He would never have to have someone kiss him and…and other stuff that was weird but good but also weird and…and he would never have to go through this, that was the point.
She hugged him as tightly as she could.
"Big Sis…stop….you're crushing my skeleton!" said Sho, barely getting any words out at all. Why was she so strong? Why did…well she was sad, she always hugged him when she was sad like he was a stuffed animal or something, and he needed to make her feel better…but he also needed air in his lungs and bones that weren't crushed into jello!
She let go. He could breathe again.
"Sorry! I'm so sorry, Little Brother, I didn't mean to-" said Mob
"Quiet! Do you want Dad to wake up?!" asked Sho
"No…I don't. I just wanted you to know that I love you and I'm happy for you. You're so lucky…I wish that I was as lucky as you. You have someone who you love back. That's the best thing ever…I don't know if that's ever going to happen for me…" said Mob softly
"Wait…you don't love Shimazaki back? But then why-" said Sho
"What did you do!? I mean while I was gone…what was it like? At the Seventh Division and…and with your boyfriend and stuff…" said Mob. She had done her best to change the subject but she got the feeling that she had messed it up. Sho was looking at her weird….
"It was fine. The Scars mostly left me alone and, uh, Mukai had a lot of fun though. She didn't really remember any of them, just Matsuo, but she mostly just hung out with me and…and Ritsu's fine and…I mean he had a birthday and….stuff happened, I guess." Said Sho. She had changed the subject and…and now she was asking about him. He loved her but they were on opposite sides of this thing and…and how much could he even tell her? About Ritsu or anything else? She had said that she wasn't on Dad's side but she didn't want to work against him either…
If she wasn't with Sho then…then did that mean that she was against him?
"What kind of stuff? Did you have fun? Were you warm enough? Did you eat enough? Are you sure that nobody was mean to you?" asked Mob. She should have been there to take care of him, so much could have gone wrong…he had needed her and she had been so far away…all because she had to be selfish.
"I was fine, God, I know how to take care of myself. Nothing interesting happened. The most interesting thing that happened, I guess, was Ritsu's birthday because now we're finally the same age, he's a year and a half younger than man, and…and I guess that's interesting. I don't know." Said Sho. He wanted to tell her more. He wanted to tell her that Ritsu had a whole shelf full of notebooks that he had filled with his life story. He wanted to tell her that Ritsu was kind of afraid of heights even if he wouldn't admit it. He wanted to tell her that Ritsu's confused face was the same as hers and, actually, that it was kind of weird now that he thought about it…but he couldn't.
He shouldn't have even been telling her this much.
"Oh! Tell him happy birthday from me." Said Mob. She didn't know him, this Ritsu person, but she was happy that he'd had a birthday. They were important. She remembered at…well it must have been Sho's birthday. There had been candles and he'd spat on them instead of blowing them out and…and that sounded like something that Sho would have done…yes, that must have been one of Sho's birthdays but when he was little. Birthdays were important and she should have remembered Sho's better.
"Uh…sure. I mean…it passed already and he doesn't know you and also he has a sister who died so I try not to talk about you." Said Sho. No way was he brining any of that up with Ritsu. He acted like it didn't make him sad, that he'd lost a sister, but Sho knew that he was just keeping the hurt buried deep inside. That was what you were supposed to do with hurt, after all, bury it down deep so that you didn't even feel it a little bit. Ritsu was stronger than Sho would ever be. He didn't think that he ever would have been able to recover from the pain of losing a sister.
Getting over Mom had been hard enough and he hadn't known her for nearly as long as he'd known Big Sis.
"That's…that's so sad…" said Mob. She reached out to hug Sho again but he threw himself back against the wall…maybe too loudly. He saw Dad's aura move…he was getting up now, and that wasn't going to be good for him or anyone.
"Yeah….it is, but he doesn't let it show." Said Sho
"He should. That's the kind of thing that you shouldn't hide. I know that if you died then I never…I never would have been able to even leave our room. I would just sit here and watch your bed like you were asleep…even though you were dead." Said Mob
"When I die you're going to stuff me and put me in my bed?" asked Sho. He had never given much thought to what he would have done if he'd died….well nothing, obviously, because he would have been dead. Other people would have had to bury him or burn him or stuff him…Big Sis, since he had heard that girls lived longer than boys, or maybe Little Sis if Big Sis didn't feel like it…stuffed was good, though, it was better than being in the Suzuki family grave ash rock thing next to Dad.
"Maybe. I never really thought about it…I don't like to think about it, you dying." Said Mob
"Me neither…but what do you want me to do, after you die? I mean…I mean stuff happens every day." Said Sho. She was on the opposite side of this fight and…and stuff happened. Fights went wrong. People…they got hurt sometimes. He knew that he was going to have to fight Dad, they were going to have their final showdown one of these days, but…but maybe Big Sis would get in the way. He didn't want to fight her so…so someone else was going to have to. Someone who didn't know her. Someone who didn't know that she gave the best hugs even though they were kind of bone crushing. Someone who didn't know that she knew how to make the bathwater just right, even if bad, sucked, And she knew when you didn't get in, but she never said anything. Someone who didn't know that no matter what country they were in, she always knew how to get her hands on double chocolate pop tarts. Someone who didn't know that she had seen frozen at least ten thousand times and sometimes when she was really into it, she moved her mouth to the wars that the characters were saying, not even just the songs. Someone who didn't know that she liked milk so much that she even put cheese in her curry, even though that kind of ruined the curry. Someone who didn't know that she knew how to roll a really good joint, the kind where it didn't fall apart. If you sucked on it for too long, But also she told you that you had to have moderation even though she was the one who gave you the joint in the first place. Someone who didn't know that she cried at night, sometimes she had bad dreams, but she never remembered them even though they made her cry so loud it woke you up. Someone who didn't know that. Yeah, She was kind of a boyfriend stealer, but also she was really nice...and it didn't matter because he was never your boyfriend in the first place, and yeah it was weird but she never rubbed it in your face.
Someone who didn't know her at all...someone who only saw her as the enemy...as just another part of Dad that you needed to fight.
"I don't know…stuff me and turn me into a doll for Mukai to play with? But a nice one, not like the doll in that move we saw. That wasn't good at all." said Mob
"What? I thought you liked dolls." Said Sho, smiling, even though it wasn't that funny. One time for movie night he picked this thing about a killed doll and Big Sis…well she hadn't liked it. It shouldn't have felt like this, like a good memory was supposed to feel…but it did. Maybe because that had happened before all of this…
"I do but not killer dolls. I like fun dolls in cute clothes or dolls that talk, or ones that grow their hair…but I don't like it when dolls kill people. It's not right, dolls are our friends." Said Mob, copying Sho's smile. It had been a nice move night even if Sho had picked kind of a way too scary movie.
"Dolls are made of plastic, they aren't people…unless it's like toy story and they came to life. That would actually be kind of cool." Said Sho
"If you're like Andy, but you're not…not to be mean but you broke most of your toys." Said Mob. She went to motion to some of them but…well there weren't a lot of toys in here. Not like there had been before. When they had been little their room used to have so many toys that they hadn't even had space for all of them. Now all they had were some stuffed animals, Sho's bucket of plastic animals, and some dolls that Mukai had left in there…Mob's old toys were in storage again and so was her big dollhouse…she hadn't even noticed. At some point she had gotten too old for toys…and so had Sho….
"Yeah….I did, but you always got me new ones. I don't know why Mom was always fixing our toys when they broke, we have plenty of money." Said Sho. He winced as he finished. Right, they weren't supposed to talk about Mom and…and that was Dad's rule. Big Sis was different. She wasn't mad…if anything she looked kind of sad…
"Yeah…Mom was weird…like how sometimes it was ok to have cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and how sometimes she got mad when we went into the cabinets on our own." said Mob
"Yeah or…or like how sometimes she would let us watch all the TV we wanted and sometimes she would hide the remote so we had to go and do something else even though it wasn't like we were watching the TV in her room and bothering her." said Sho
"I know or…or like how she would stay in her room all day and…and she would be sick but she wouldn't call Fukuda no matter how many times we asked her…and then I had to." Said Mob
"Like the time I fell off the wall and broke my arm." Said Sho
"You didn't break your arm from falling off the wall." Said Mob
"Uh, yeah, I did. It was my arm, I think I remember when it broke." Said Sho
"No, I remember that day. Dad broke your arm because you hit me in the face with his kendo sword….sorry." said Mob. A dark look passed over his aura. He drew it close like he drew his arms around himself….
"It's fine. This arm…it always breaks. And I'm sorry about the thing with the kendo sword. I don't even remember why I did it. Probably because I was jealous or…or some other stupid kid thing…" said Sho softly
"I think we were just playing….I actually don't remember it all that well either…sorry." said Mob. She wanted to hug him but remembered what had happened last time. She settled for letting her aura settle over him. Not to hurt him, no, just so that he could remember that she was there and that she loved him…and that she would always be there for him no matter what. That she meant it, too, not like how Mom had just been saying things when she'd said that….
"It's fine. Fukuda fixed us both up and…and that was just dumb little kid shit. We're older now and we don't fight…not like that." Said Sho. If he could have taken it back then he would have. He wished that he could just go back in time and punch the baby version of himself in the face. He had been such an asshole and…and Big Sis had always been really bossy but…but that didn't mean that Sho got to be an asshole towards her.
"Yeah…he did. He used to be really nice back then. To me, I mean. He…he's mean to me now and…and it's weird." Said Mob
"It is…and I told him to knock it the fuck off but he won't…but he's not going to be blackmailing you anymore. I told him not to." Said Sho. Big Sis's eyes went wide. He felt the room shake, the blinds flew opened, and their dresser threw up all over the floor…he thought she would have been happy about that! Not freaked out!
"You-You know?! I mean he told you-" said Mob. No, no, no. Fukuda could not be telling people. The only reason that she had stayed away from Sho was because Fukuda had promised not to tell on her but…but he had and…and who else knew!? Who else…did Dad know? Was that why he was up so early? Was he planning on yelling at her or punishing her or-or-or-
"I know he's been an asshole to you for too long and…and he shouldn't be like that. I don't know what happened to him, I think that Dad drove him crazy or maybe he's just getting old, but anyway he shouldn't be an asshole to you…even if you are on Dad's side." Said Sho
"Thank you so much and…and you shouldn't have had to do all of that for me and…and there aren't sides. We're all on the same side, Claw's side. Sure, Dad can be mean and…and more than mean but Dad isn't Claw. Claw is all of us coming together to make the world a better place and…and it's not like Dad's going to be the ruler of the world forever. One day you'll rule the world and then your son and then his son and then-" said Mob as she took both of Sho's hands in hers. She knew how he felt, sometimes she looked at Dad and thought that he was going to be a bad ruler of the world, and sometimes she looked at the things Claw did and she felt like maybe they were wrong….but it would all balance out once they made the world a better place for everyone. Espers and normal people would be able to be together and nobody would ever have to hide or be afraid ever again.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, my son…you know that's not going to happen, right? Ritsu's a guy and I'm a guy and…and we shouldn't think too much about the future anyway. That's a long time away." said Sho. She was so happy now…he didn't want to burst her bubble. He didn't want to tell her about…well he could never tell her about the resistance. She would never be on his side and…and they would have to fight one day, or at least be on opposite sides, but for now they could at least love each other-
-or at least they could have if Dad hadn't decided to ruin everything like he always did.
"Dad's coming." Asked Mob. She turned to face the door. She didn't know what to do. Take Sho and hide? Go outside and say 'hi'? Tell Dad that she didn't know what Fukuda had told him but it was all lies….no, lying was wrong and…and she wasn't good at it anyway! She didn't have a lot of time to think, he was right outside the door!
"Shigeko? Are you in there?" asked Suzuki. A stupid question. If there had ever been one. Of course she was on the other side of that door, he could sense her aura, and she could sense his. That had been the best he could do, under the circumstances, Not that there were circumstances. Their fight was over. They understood each other now. Everything...everything should have been better now...but it wasn't
And he had no idea how to make it better.
"Hi Dad….I'm here." Said Mob. Sho was shaking his head a lot…he wanted her to be quiet but there was no point in lying. He knew that she was home.
"Oh…alright then….did you enjoy your trip?" asked Suzuki. He nearly bit his tongue. What kind of a question was that? Of course he didn't want any details, any at all, of her unplanned sabbatical. Social niceties. He was falling back onto social niceties with his own daughter. He had never been good at the social niceties... and apparently he hadn't gotten better in all of his years on this Earth.
"It was….a trip….I saw cats and also Cats and…um…do you want some breakfast?" asked Mob. The last thing she wanted to talk to her dad about was her trip with Shimazaki. She don't talk to anyone about that. She didn't even know what she could say about it! She had been on a trip with him, She made a lot of mistakes, at the time they had been good, and she didn't want to think about them anymore. She knew Dad would have follow up questions and she did not want to answer them. Breakfast was good...did he even walked that anymore? He had told her that he hated the person that she was becoming. Did that mean that he also hated the breakfast? She made? Or did he just hate her but love everything? She did? The whole thing was very confusing and she was very clueless and it was very early in the morning.
"Yes…yes. That would be good. Make me an omelet and something for your brother, too. You know how sensitive he is to dips in his blood sugar." Said Suzuki. This was…a good sign, he imagined. He had been very harsh with her, before, and he stood by what he'd said….but what he'd said had alienated her. Or at least that was what he'd been afraid of….
But things were starting to look up.
"Make me poptarts, too, but I'm going to eat them in here." Said Sho softly. He squeezed her hands. She squeezed his back.
"Ok Sho….and Ok, Dad! I'll do that in a minute." Said Mob. She wasn't sure if she even wanted to make breakfast, but she wanted her family to be happy. She didn't want anyone to fight. She wanted dad to love her. She wanted Sho to love her…and Dad, too, and Dad…she wanted everyone in her family to love everyone else in her family….and breakfast couldn't fix how often they fought…but it could make things more normal. This was something that she knew how to do. Something that she knew how to do well. Something that she wasn't going to mess up like she had messed up everything else in her life. She would be with her family now, she would deal with everything else later, she would talk to...she would talk to the others later…hang out with them…like normal. Making breakfast was normal and hanging out with her friends was normal and…and she just had to get back to normal now….
It felt like she hadn't been normal in years…she was out of practice.