Chapter 17: Cette Assez
The constant ache of questions screams through the mind under certain circumstances. Darkness…Nothing to see but the images your mind creates in the blind panic of the unknown. Shapes take form in the black abyss in front of you, nameless, soulless, faceless creatures or just curves in the emptiness. A wise man once said that darkness allows you to imagine your fears with less distraction. The air gets heavy with paranoia and guilt making it hard to breath; choking on the memories and questions. There are no answers, because the questions aren't real, but created by the mind to toy with you. Sometimes it makes everything better, but other times….Spiders crawling on the skin, and chills surging through the spine…Tears burning down your cheeks.
Pretend it's a dream and make it all go away. Make the blood go away; make the pain go away; make the horrible feelings eating you up from the inside out go away. Dreams always fade…They become either nonexistent, or a hazy memory triggered by something interesting or frightening or unimaginably wonderful. Tell yourself that you'll wake up with no memory of this horrible dream, this abomination of life. Take away all that's happened, because it hurts too much to bear…Like a needle slowly piercing through the skin and entering the heart with precession. It cuts and prods, making finding its way through the blood and bones, to your very essence in search of something…
This dream is a cancer, eating away at your core, the thing that keeps you living…Both brain and heart are infected with this cancer. How much of it can you take before the mind starts to wander into the darkness? Simple little lies and conspiracies run rampant making you want to scream…But when you do nothing happens. Nobody saves you from the dark; nobody rushes in and asks what happened…Nobody is there to hold your hand…That person is gone. Forever lost in a beautifully terrible dream…
How long has she been stuck in this box? They had turned out the swinging light and removed the chair…Did they know that her spirit was broken? Or was it just the fact that she was so physically drained that made them toss her in the room with no precautions? Questions upon questions flew around her mind and it was maddening. Her body cried out for sleep but there was absolutely no chance of her slipping under…She would dream of him and what they did to him…And what they made her do. Her eyes had gone dry long ago…
Rogue had killed an innocent girl...No, she didn't kill her, but she stole her soul and destroyed just because THEY wanted her to. I wasn't her fault, she didn't have control! But she should have; she should have been stronger, but she was never strong enough to save anyone was she?
The blonde woman sat in the kitchen of the mansion, sipping a cup of coffee with a look of deep concentration on her face. She was alone, but not so alone…Her associates were never far away, they always seemed to show up whenever she turned around. Of course, she knew they'd be there, and they knew it too, so why bother? They didn't trust her and she knew this as a fact. None of them trusted anyone anymore though, they had seen too much to give that great honor. They have seen enough of the world to understand how people work. Their minds simulate situations in which they win, in which they make it out better…Other people involved don't matter; survival of the fittest baby.
So why was she in this game? Why did she put herself through such a horrible ordeal? Well, there is a reason for everything, but in truth she did not want any part of this, however, what someone wants is never very important is it? No, this was not her choice and part of her knew that; she is smart enough to know what is going on, but there is absolutely nothing she can do about. She doesn't like not being in control, for she is the one who always has the power…Being taken advantage of makes her feel sick usually. It is better to submit than to have your mind ravaged, or at least that is her logic…But every now and then…They grab her up and throw her into the darkness. The darkness which was once her dearest friend, working to her advantage, but now? Well, now things aren't fair; the game is changed to someone else's liking…its never fair anymore.
Even the most powerful individuals slip up every now and then…And when they do, well, the blonde woman isn't someone you cross. She trusted this person, and agrees with them on most matters, but they aren't the type of being to accept "no" as an answer. So people get hurt, and scarred, and forgotten…Little lost lambs in a snowstorm…Such a pity really.
"Deep in thought my dear?" the balding man walked in, expecting her to jump in surprise…Sometimes he tended to forget what she was capable of.
"You could say that," she replied coolly. The man chuckled and sat down across from her.
"You did a wonderful job today love, I was thinking maybe we could celebrate," the look in his eye was sleazy, and quite unwelcome.
"We could…" she gave a little smile. "But we have work to do, or at least I do…"
"Aw, there's plenty of time for that later," he reached over and stroked her arm.
"I suppose your right," she picked up her coffee with her free hand and took another sip. As she went to put it down it slipped from her grip and hit the man's arm, causing him to cry out. "But I suppose you should spent that time cleaning up."
It was hard to keep her eyes open at this point; she didn't want to sleep, to dream of awful things, but her body was willing her into unconsciousness. She was weak, and felt sick…The kind of illness you get when you're exhausted and overrun emotionally. She was hungry, and cold, and achy all over; they wouldn't leave her to die, she knew this for a fact. However, they left her to die inside, in her heart and mind…Perhaps they wanted it that weak, to break her spirit in order to stop her from fighting back. It was working, because all she wanted was for the whole world to go away. For the memories to disappear, for the pain to subside…She just wanted everything to disappear and fade into a pretty little web of defeat.
The door opened and the light poured into the blackened room like the light of god himself. A black figure stood in the doorway, silhouetted in a very picturesque way. This was no god though, this was just someone who had betrayed her and killed the only person she really cared for. Kitty had entered the room with a plate of food and a concerned look on her face. Concerned? She should feel horrible about what she let happen! There shouldn't be any concern for Rogue, but concern for her own soul because she sold it to the devil himself.
Rogue willed herself to sit up against the side of a wall; this piece of filth wouldn't see her weak…A fire had been lighted, a fire of fury and rage and horrible vengeance…
"Hi Rogue," the girl said meekly as she turned on the swinging light on. Rogue said nothing. "I brought you some food…"
"I don't want your food, for all I know its poisoned or drugged…"
"Oh, you know I'd never do that," something had shifted in her that very instance…It was unusual.
"I don't know you so I can't trust you," it was said coldly, with a purpose.
"Are you still p oed about that Bandit guy?" she took a few steps forward.
"Gambit!"
"Psh," she put the food down in front of her and wiped her hands together, "that guy was like, bad news, it like had to be done."
"You didn't even know him, what right do you have to condemn him!" she struggled to her feet, leaning heavily on the wall for support.
"You really need to get over it, there are like, other fish in the sea you know?" she rolled her eyes. "And that guy was like one of those really gross fish…You know, one of those slimy creepy ones?"
"You little bitch! You have no right!" the tears were stinging her eyes again…Even when you think you have nothing left to cry you can surprise yourself. "You will never know what Remy and I had, never!"
"Sheesh Rogue like calm down, god I can't wait till you're debrainwashed this is so like stupid! You didn't have anything with him, it was all like implanted!"
"You know why you'll never have what we had? Because you are a selfish, bratty little bitch who doesn't give a damn about anyone else," she wasn't screaming, no, she was speaking in a low venomous voice that was getting louder.
"Okay you like need to shut up now!"
"No! You killed an innocent man, and you don't even feel bad do you!" she took an unsteady step forward. "You don't give a damn about me, we were never friends! You disgust me! You stupid, airhead, you don't deserve to be here, YOU should have been the one to die, all of you should have died before Remy!" She had never felt so angry, but still she would never talk to people like this.
"Shut up!"
"Why should I!" Rogue gave a short little chuckle. "How does it feel to whore yourself to the devil? Stupid little bitch," as she spoke it occurred to her that she must be channeling Remy...This wasn't like her, but it could be like him when he's angry, when he is infuriated. It hurt her to say these things, but she loved hurting Kitty, she loved getting her revenge…Remy's revenge.
"I said shut up," Kitty cried out with tears running down her cheeks. She shoved her against the wall and slapped her hard, "just shut up!" She hit her again and again, causing Rogue to fall to the ground and cover her face. There was no way to fight back, she was too weak.
"You don't know what you're saying!" it was a good thing Kitty wasn't strong like Logan…"Shut your filthy mouth!" now the hits were getting harder and more painful. Rogue couldn't believe this, she had seen Kitty mad, but the girl would never do something so violent.
"Stop it!" Rogue cried as the pain stung through her; she felt herself fighting unconsciousness again as she just sat there helplessly accepting the blows to face and body.
Suddenly the pain stopped altogether. There were no more tiny fists beating themselves against her; no noise of Kitty's enraged cries…Nothing…Except for the sound of something heavy falling to the ground. Rogue was afraid of what she would see if she took her arms away from her face, but she knew she'd have to eventually.
Tentatively, she withdrew her shaking limbs from her punished body and saw a hand…With a ring on it.
"Come on chere, I t'ink its time for us to leave."
With that Rogue finally lost all consciousness not from pain, or exhaustion…But from the pure shock of it all.
"Merde."